July 1999. Woo. ==== Spoiler Behold, the blandest DA cover ever. (Also, I hadn't realized it, but the person who previously owned these issues moved from Texas to Oklahoma sometime around 2000.) Spoiler I still don't think monkeys/apes/simans/whatever are funny (except lemurs — they get a pass), but the one ponting a banana like a gun got a chuckle out of me. Spoiler While the other kids were rocking round the clock, we were hopping and bopping to the Crocodile Rock… A forgotten funny animal title. Not quite as forgotten as Awesome Possum Kicks Dr. Machino's Butt, but still pretty far down the list. Also, I rarely left the house for summer vacation at this point in my life. Going to Walmart was more adventrous than my average summer vacation. Spoiler I hope this was more than one point per pouch. Because if it were only one, then… a 48-pack of Kool-Aid is $21, or about $15 in 1999 dollars. You'll have to buy about 42 packs to get 2000 points for that GameBoy, meaning you've spent $630 just to get a GameBoy. Spoiler What was it in the late 90s with animated characters "surfing" on non-surfboard shaped objects? I remember seeing that a lot in ads for Tarzan too. Spoiler (July 3 isn't a typo — there's an Eau Claire in Michigan too.) Wild Wild West AND Inspector Gadget? Not a good month for movies. Spoiler Speaking of surfing… Ten minutes after this picture was taken, Johnny Tsunami was found frostbitten in a snowbank. Authorities questioned why he appeared to be atop a surfboard and sporting gaudy Hawaiian clothing. The suspect is believed to have suffered a major concussion, starred in a terrible Disney Channel original movie, or both. Spoiler Left: Phil Collins and 'N Sync, together at last! It's the second most requested music pairing since Nickelback and Miley Cyrus! Right: I don't remember Nabisco ever having a Pop-Tarts knockoff, even though they're actually only three years younger than Pop-Tarts. And yet those nasty Toaster Strudels refuse to go away. I also didn't realize the X-Men had that much pull in 1999. I thought that was more of a 2000s thing. Or maybe I'm right, and that's why they're on Toastettes and not Pop-Tarts. Spoiler "The Tarzan series: Not quite as many unnecessary sequels as Animorphs or Goosebumps, but darned if he didn't try." Spoiler Some pages from a special on Tarzan from Generic British Explorer Guy's POV. I've never seen the movie in full, so I'll leave the snark to those who have. Most of my Tarzan knowledge comes from the parodies in Mad and Cracked (as usual, the Mad one was better). The Cracked one was actually written by Lou Silverstone, who actually started out as a parody writer for Mad before jumping ship in the 90s. I think he was getting old and lost his touch or something — the Cracked parody opened with a long preamble from Terk explaining why they just kept it titled "Tarzan" instead of giving it a parody name. Spoiler *…You can't just call them 'cookies', can you? And 'chipless chocolate chip cookies' sounds sort of awkward." "Personally, I'd call them 'a crime against humanity.'" Spoiler See, told you about the "Tarzan surfing" thing… Spoiler "Food is always around, but unfortunately it's usually covered in a bajillion bugs. And you should always watch your step, because animal dung is especially unpleasant to step in when you're barefoot like I am." Spoiler I remember these things. They were the least sour "sour" candy ever to exist. No flavor to them at all. Spoiler "Perhaps a simpler costume would work better… especially if the artists are into fanservice." Spoiler Whoa, Terk was a female?! Also, an iguana was "odd" to you? I know a 10-year-old boy who has one for a pet. Spoiler I want to know who found out that nose print thing, and how. Probably the same guy who first squeezed a cow's udder and decided to drink whatever would come out of it. This whole Tarzan story takes up nearly half the issue (26 per the cover, but I didn't bother to check and see if that includes the "How to Draw This Exact Pose of Terk, and Nothing Else" segment). Nice to see that in the late 90s, they still knew how to fill out an article at least some of the time. Spoiler "See, told you about the 'Tarzan surfing' thing", part II. I remember ads for a type of twisted popsicle called Itzakadoozie that used footage of Tarzan tree-surfing. Seems those ads long outlasted the movie, too. Spoiler …Ew. I wouldn't kiss my shoes because i know where they've been. Spoiler Of course, Tarzan's the focus of the puzzles and comics too. This one has kinda chunky art, but nothing too bad. Spoiler And of course they do one focusing on Terk and company. Altogether, there are four intertwining Tarzan comics with a common thread. All the main cast have important items that have gone missing, and it turns out that Terk and Tantor were sleepwalking and taking the items. Spoiler I wish I'd known about this when I first got my GBC. At the time, Super Mario Bros. and Pokémon Silver were the only video games I played. Spoiler This is so obscure that not even Wikipedia has heard of it. But the thought of 14-year-olds doing gangsta rap sounds unintentionally hilarious, because I'm a terrible person. Spoiler Anyone wanna split that with me? ==== The next issue I grabbed was October 2000. SgtStedenko recapped that one in the first thread, but they haven't posted since 2009, and all their images are deleted, so I assume it's fair game to give it another try after this?