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Childrens Hospital Episode Recap: Season Five, Episode Two – Triangles

by on August 11, 2013


Synopsis: Now temporarily out of Brazil and safely ensconced on a U.S. Army base hospital in Osaka, Japan, life is much easier, right? Wrong! On a seemingly innocent visit to a soup noodle restaurant in Osaka, Blake’s son witnesses a murder in the bathroom and Detective Chance Briggs [Nick Offerman] is brought in to solve the case.

Details: While Childrens Hospital in Sao Paulo, Brazil [where everybody knows it is located] is being sprayed for a termite infestation, the staff is temporarily located in a new hospital on a U.S. Army base in Osaka, Japan. This seems safe on the surface until Blake’s son, Willy [ a clown son he had with Nurse Dori], is on a seemingly innocent excursion to a soup noodle restaurant in Osaka [despite warnings from Owen that Osaka is a very dangerous town] and happens to witness what appears to be a gangster hit/murder while in the bathroom.

Detective Chance Briggs is brought in to solve the crime and after questioning Willy, determines that the murder he witnessed was a gangster hit – basing his deduction on the fact that Willy peed his pants when he saw the gangsters in the restaurant. The Osaka police chief is in on the plot and that means Briggs must go into hiding, which entails a disguise as a U.S. Army soldier from the base.

Owen has been pining for Dori and spends most of the episode making blatant overly inappropriate or unwelcome sexual advances but she has consistently either ignored him or found his advances disgusting and shot him down. So Owen exacts revenge on his old police partner Briggs by telling the Osaka police chief what he thinks is Briggs’ address. When they don’t find him, they break into the hospital room and take Dori and Willy hostage. A succession of failed kidnappings of Briggs, Dori and Willy follow with each one ending with the kidnapper being shot.

With the case solved and the gangsters dead, Briggs is now free to be sent to Kandahar in Afghanistan – but when he complains to the commanding officer that being a soldier was only a cover, the commanding officer wants no part of it and sends him off on the truck to Afghanistan where we learn that he dies in 2025 [according to the information on the gravestone that ends the episode].

Detective Chance Briggs [Nick Offerman] is brought to Osaka to solve the crime Blake's son Willy witnessed in a soup noodle restaurant bathroom.

Detective Chance Briggs [Nick Offerman] is brought to Osaka to solve the crime Blake’s son Willy witnessed in a soup noodle restaurant bathroom.

The Poop and Skinny: The Ford Escort was discontinued in 2003.

Chance Briggs lives at 465 Lick My Butthole Lane which, as it turns out, ends at 426 and then skips right to the 700’s.

Briggs likes triangle-shaped foods.

Detective Chance Briggs’ partner, Chuck Engall, is played by Jaleel White [aka Urkel].

The three best quote sin the episode are all coming out of Briggs’ mouth…

After being asked if, surely, he can’t be serious, Briggs replies with a riff on the Leslie Nielsen “Airplane!” – “I am serious and don’t ever question my seriousness.”

“Who would’ve thought a couple of Oberlin grads would wind up carrying badges.”

“It’s like when a man puts his penis inside a woman’s vagina a bunch of times in a row.” [explaining sex to Willy]