WARNING! There really isn't much to this one, but it might still be
good for a laugh or two. (I hope!)
The Sun was
shining in Acme Acres as a large crowd gathered in the park to watch the ceremony.
The participants stood in front of the gazebo where a podium had been set up for the judge
to use. As the Looniversity clock struck Twelve, the Honorable Judge Wopper walked
up to the podium and gaveled the crowd to silence.
"The First U.S. District Court of Acme Acres, California is
now in session," said the Judge solemnly. Then, picking up a sheet of paper, he
added, "I have a document here that I would like to read into the record. It
reads as follows; 'To the Honorable Judge Joseph P. Wopper, First U.S. District Court of
Acme Acres. After a careful examination of the below named individuals, I have
determined that they have fulfilled all the requirements for naturalization, and I
therefore recommend to Your Honor that they be allowed to take the Oath of Citizenship as
soon as possible. Sincerely, Mr. John Q. Public, Director, Acme Acres branch of the
United States Department of Immigration and Naturalization Services.'"
The Judge set down the paper then and said, "It is so
ordered." Looking then to the fifty individuals directly in front of him and said,
"Would the applicants for Citizenship please raise your right hand, and repeat after
me. I, insert your name."
"Ah, Fifi La Fume."
"Do hereby declare on Oath..."
"Do hereby deeclair on oath, zat ah absolootly and entirely
renounce and abjure all aleegonce and fidelity to any foreign Preence, potentate.
state of sovereignity, of whom or wheech Ah have heretofore been a soobject or ceetizen,
zat Ah weel sooport and defend ze Constitution of Ze United States against all enemies,
foreign and domesteec; zat Ah weel bear true faith and alleegence to zee same; zat Ah weel
bear arms on behalf of zee United States when requiaired by zee law, or zat Ah weel
pairform non-combatant sairveece in zee armed forces of zee United States when required by
zee law; or zat Ah weel pairform work of national eemportance oonder ceeveelian direction
when required by zee law; and zat Ah take zees obligation freely weethout any mental
resairvation or purpose of evasion; so help me God. And Ah, Fifi La Fume, Pledge
alleegence to zee flag, of zee United States of America, and to zee Repoobleec for wheech
eet stands. One nation, oondair God, eendeeveesable, with libairtee, and joosteece,
"Congratulations," said Judge Wopper, "You are now
Americans. This court is adjourned."
As soon as the Judge had brought down his gavel to finalize his
statement, the gathered crowd burst out into applause as America's newest Citizens
congratulated one another.
In that crowd was Hamton J. Pig, who was patiently waiting for
Fifi at the crowd's edge. When she finally made her way over to him, he smiled
broadly and said, "Hi, Fifi. How do you feel?"
"Feel? Ah feel wondairfool. Ah'm absolootley
giddy weeth excitement! Ah am:
FIFI LA FUME, AMERICAN CITIZEN
an original tiny toon adventures story by kevin mickel
"Ah feel good, Hamton," she said after a moment's
pause. "Eet eez hard for me to deescibe. Ah mean, Ah am now an
Amereecan. Ah now truly belong here. Ah can now say zat zees place really eez
mah home. Eet eez a special feeling, Hamton. Ah wheesh Ah could describe eet
better for you, but Ah can't."
"Oh, that's okay. I know that today is very special
for you, and, uhm, I got you a little something to remember it by," and he handed her
a small, flat box. "It's not much, but considering the occasion, I thought you
might like this."
"Oh, zank you, Hamton. Ah wondair what eet eez?"
she added as she opened the box to see what it contained. In it there was a small
hardcover book, which she took out of the box and carefully opened to the title page.
The Great Documents of
The United States of America
The State of California
The Declaration of Independence
The Constitution of the United States
The Constitution of the State of California
Below the title there was a short handwritten note that said,
"To Fifi on the occasion of her becoming an American Citizen. I thought you
might like a copy of these.--Hamton."
"Thank you," said Fifi with sincerity as she put the
book back in the box. "Ah weel treasure zees always," and she leaned
forward to give him a quick kiss of appreciation.
Hamton kissed her back enthusiastically. So
enthusiastically that Fifi's eyes popped open with wonder. "Hamton!" she
said with surprise when they had broken it off, "I, uh..."
Hamton couldn't prevent a broad grin from forming on his face,
and he blushed just a little as he said, "Well, I've been dating this French girl,
see, and she's the one who taught me that." Hamton's face became suddenly
serious then, and he quickly added, "You, uhm, don't mind, do you?"
Now it was Fifi's turn to smile. "No," she said
reassuringly. "Not at all."
Hamton breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "Good,"
he said calmly. "I was afraid that you might..."
"Hamton," said Fifi, gently cutting him off,
"nevair mind. You've got notheeng to be afraid of. Beside, even though Ah
am now an Amereecan by choice, Ah am steel French by herateege. Zat means, my dear
Piggy of Passion, zat some theengs, weel nevair change. Come on. Let's go
This story has been brought to you by Kevin Mickel
Because I had nothing better to do.
The author know's there ain't much too it, but he did warn you, so don't complain!
Thanks for reading. I REALLY hope you enjoyed this one!
"Au revoir, mon petit potato du couch!"
(Sorry, but I had to use it.)