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The Fastest Mice Alive

By
Brainatra
BeepBeep
Craig
and Romey

[We open on a small Mexican town, at sunrise, and enter a building labeled "ACME LABORATORIO." We see Pinky and the Brain in a cage in the corner of the room. Pinky is running on the wheel while Brain is in the corner of the cage writing something. Off to the side we see a pile of comic books. Pinky eventually stops running and begins talking to Brain.]

PINKY: Brain, what are we doing in Mexico?

BRAIN: I suppose the Mexico branch of Acme Labs needed some guinea pigs on which to perform their ludicrous experiments...

PINKY: But, Brain, we're not guinea pigs! We're mice!

BRAIN: Indeed, although one would hardly be able to tell the difference, the way we're treated...

PINKY: [Continuing to ramble.]: Of course, if you replaced the "P" with an "O" my name would be "Oinky"! Wa-ha-haaaaa!

BRAIN: That's *GUINEA* pig, a rodent on which experiments are tested! Now let me have peace--

PINKY: Oh, I think there's some peas in the cupboard...if you like, I could go beat them up and make black-eyed peas! Wa-ha-haa-- [Brain grabs Pinky's mouth.]

BRAIN: Peace! As in quiet! Now leave me! I am preparing for tonight!

PINKY: Why? Whaddawe gonna do tonight?

BRAIN: The same thing we do every night...

PINKY: [Cuts Brain off] Oh, you mean like we did LAST night...go to the local cantina and drink Tang till it comes out our ears? NARF! That was Fun-Fun Silly Willy! Poit!

BRAIN: [Blushing] Er...yes, it was, but- No, Pinky! Behold! [Brain holds up a small device]

PINKY: Naaarrrfffff.....-what is it?

BRAIN: This is a special whistle, Pinky. I purchased it from a stranger at the bar last night. His name was Manuel Mouse. He said that if I blow this whistle, it will summon a supersonic mouse, the fastest mouse in all Mexico!

PINKY: Gee, Brain. I had problems with a slow mouse myself...but the computer technician told me to go to the control panel and select "mouse configuration..."

BRAIN: No, Pinky! I meant that it summons...SPEEDY GONZALES!

PINKY: Oh, I've heard of him! He's the guy the television censors hate because of his stereotypical Mexixan accent! Although his cartoons are *STILL* more widely-shown than ours these days...

BRAIN: Yes, Pinky. But that has nothing to do with my plan. I need his speed. That very wheel that you are mindlessly running on at the moment actually has 2 electrodes on it. The wheel will act as a power generator for my plan. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

PINKY: I don't know, Brain. I don't think George W. Bush likes being called "Shrub."

BRAIN: [Glancing at Pinky strangely for a moment.] Ahem. Anyway, I will enlist the help of Gonzales to run on the wheel, generating huge amounts of electricity.

PINKY: But I thought the government did that!

BRAIN: That's why Mexico is the most polluted of all countries. Soon all nations, states, provinces, and talk-show-hosts will want mouse-generated, clean electricity. They will be groveling at my feet, willing to do ANYTHING to get my services!

PINKY: Oh, so you're going to enslave a highly energetic Hispanic rodent for a plot that will generate environmentally friendly energy, but the price for that energy will be your appointment to the office of world leader?!

BRAIN: [Beaming] Why...Pinky, that was absolutely PERFECT!

PINKY : Really, I hope so, because I didn't understand a word I just said! Narf! Zort! Troz! Wahaaaha!

BRAIN: [Sighs] I'll explain this one more time...using Mr. Gonzales' superspeed capacities, I shall store great power reserves and sell the power to the Mexican government as a cleaner, cheaper power source! Elated over the relief to both Mexico's beleaguered economy and air quality, they shall partake in this offering. With the influx of money, we shall use the funds to offset Mexico's recent economic woes through a series of social and philanthropic investments and charities! [Points to a chart that displays boxes labeled "school funding donations," "medical supplies donations," "low-interest loans," etc.] With the Mexican masses grateful for my charitable efforts at improving their lives, I shall rise to power!

PINKY: Egad, brilliant! But wait, no...what if a superpowered villain from the 25th century travels back in time via a time treadmill to try to kill Speedy as one part of a series of recurring battles?

BRAIN: Put those "Flash" comics down, Pinky, and prepare for a *real* superspeed-powered individual to emerge! [Blows whistle. In runs Speedy.]

SPEEDY: Andale! Andale! Arrrrriba!!! Greetings, señors! How may I help you?

BRAIN: Well, my friend, I need your assistance to, um…er… [Thinking] Drat! How can I ask him to help me take over the world? What if he won't participate and reports me to the authorities...?

[We see Daffy Duck outside.]

DAFFY: Alright, where ith that little pipthqueak?

SPEEDY: Oy, I am so sick of characters with speech impediments! First that crazy pussygato, now this! Now listen, señor, if you will help me hide from this deranged duck, I will do whatever you say!

BRAIN: Excellent! [Shoves Speedy under a pile of sawdust in the corner of the cage.]

[Enter Daffy.]

DAFFY: Exthcuthe me, thir, I'm with petht control. Have you theen a dumb-looking mouthe in a thombrero around here?

BRAIN: Um, no…no mice around here…

DAFFY: Alright, then. Keep your eyeth open!

BRAIN: Why, certainly, sir! [Daffy exits] What an ignorant oaf…

SPEEDY: Waaaaa-CHOOOOO!!!!! [Sneezes the sawdust away.]

BRAIN: So, Mr.Gonzales, do we have a deal?

SPEEDY: Sí, sí, señor! Muchas gracias! Now, what would you like me to do?

BRAIN: Never mind that now. I'm going to finish some work. Why don't you have a good night's rest in Pinky's bed, and in the morning we'll discuss things…

PINKY: But, Brain…where will I sleep?

BRAIN: You haven't slept in nights, anyway! You've been up all night poring over those "Flash" comic books!

PINKY: Sorry, Brain…I must admit I don't like the way this is going…the whole plot line with the "Replicant" seems pretty lame…

BRAIN: I wouldn't know…I stopped following DC Comics after that horrid "revamping of Superman's powers" / "Superman Red - Superman Blue" fiasco…not to mention when they cancelled our title…

[Fade to several hours later; it appears to be very early morning, as the sun is just peeking over the horizon. We see Pinky still poring over his pile of "Flash" comics, while Brain is standing at a control panel hooked up to the cage's running wheel; we see wires flowing from the wheel and control panel to a door leading to another room...Speedy is standing on the running wheel, looking somewhat bored...]

SPEEDY: I'm ready whenever you are, Señor Brain!

BRAIN: But of course! Now, all I need for you to do is to begin running along this wheel until I tell you to stop! The power generated will be stored in battery cells sitting in the basement of Acme Laboratorio...we shall save this energy and go to Mexico City to offer this power source for sale to the Mexican government!

PINKY: Wonderful, Brain! Narf! Um...but what if Speedy runs so fast that he winds up vibrating his molecular structure into another dimension, Poit? [Holds up a "Flash" comic cover--a reprint of the classic early-60's "Flash of Two Worlds" story, with the "Golden Age" and "modern" Flashes running to rescue a person lying on the ground...]

BRAIN: Pinky, I told you to put those things away! The chances of Speedy altering his unique quantum signature to match that of another dimension and thus transporting him there is extremely minute! Now, let's begin! Speedy?

SPEEDY: OK, Señor! [Begins running, as Brain presses a few buttons...]

[However, outside the lab window, we see a figure lurking in the bushes...]

FIGURE: So, that rodent's helping those white mice in some sort of money-making scheme, eh? Well, we'll see who profits from *this* venture! [Laughs]

[We cut to a ramshackle hacienda on a hill outside of town, with an overgrown lawn of cacti, grass and agave plants. We see Daffy Duck reading comics in an old hammock tied between two suguaro cacti. He's reading "Looney Tunes", #57.]

DAFFY: Boy, why do they keep making thethe dumb thtorieth with that moronic Coyote?! And motht of all that THTUPID Rabbit! I'm liable to quit my vacation early and go THTRAIGHT to that new editor and thtraighten thingth out!

[Daffy's cell-phone rings.]

DAFFY: Hello?! Oh, yeth, Mr. Vanilla! No, I haven't caught that mouthe yet! What? You'll FIRE me if I don't?! Well, I got him outta that old lady'th radiatior, didn't I?! Okay, Okay, both! I'll get right on it!!!! [Hangs up.] If I'm ever gonna get rid of that Thpeedy Gonzaleth, I'm gonna have to uthe thome thtrategy! Maybe I can uthe that thtray cat that'th been thneaking around here lately. Here, kittykittykittykitty!

[Sylvester emerges from around a rock.]

DAFFY: Ah, there you are! Boy, with your help I can really trash that mouthe! Now come on, ya mangy feline... [Picks up Sylvester, and carrying him under his arm, sneaks down the road.]

SYLVESTER: [Muttering] How humiliating...I'm doing the old "mute pet of thome shmoe" bit *again*...at leatht thith beatth being beaten up by Hector for the 467,000th time on that Kids' WB! show...yeeshth!

DAFFY: [To Sylvester] Hey, quit complainin'...at leatht you're vaguely referenced to in that Cat and Bunny, uh...Pepperoni....erm...Thupermarket...Big Double Coupon Day Show?

SYLVESTER: [Sighs] No, no, that'th not it, dummy! It'th the Cat and Birdy....

DAFFY: *Birdy*?! I thought it changed itth name to *Bunny*, ath in that dumb rabbit, ya mangy feline! [Daffy drops Sylvester; Sly stands up and faces Daffy]

SYLVESTER: Hey, can I help it if my mind'th automatically attuned to thinkin' about a certain yellow canary? Anyway, it'th the Cat and Bunny, uhh...Macaroni...er....Thuper-Thtrong Warner Thiblings Thshow?

DAFFY: No, no, no, it's--

[As we see Daffy and Sylvester continue to argue over TBCS's proper excessively long name, we pull back to see a figure in the bushes, watching this scene unfold...the same figure we saw earlier...]

FIGURE: Drat! That Mr. Vanilla told me this exterminator was the best he had--and I was hoping he'd be able to capture Brain and Speedy so that *I* could exploit this new power source for my *own* ends! Hmmm....well, they're sure to get to Acme Laboratorio soon enough, but just in case, I'd better call in another agent for help... [Whips out a cell phone, dials] Hello? Yes, that's right...it's *me*...I have a mission for you....

[Cut back to Acme Laboratorio...we see Speedy still running along in the wheel, as Brain monitors the controls. Pinky is still flipping through a pile of "Flash" comics...]

PINKY: Ooh, ooh, I know...what if there was a brand of soda pop that Flash *really* liked that only existed in the 25th century? What then, Brain? TROZ!

BRAIN: [Sounding impatient] *Yes*, Pinky, I'm sure the Flash would have a *very* good reason to utilize the "cosmic" treadmill to breach the time barrier and risk entering the era in which his most dreaded and deadly enemy lives, *just* to obtain futuristic carbonated sugar water...

PINKY: 'K!

BRAIN: Now leave me be! I must continue monitoring the fuel storage's process....

[While they do that, a figure walks up to one of the lab's windows...it's a different figure than before, though...]

FIGURE 2: The boss said this was the place...this looks like a cinch! He'll be payin' me the money for this job in no time! [He pries open the window, and sneaks in...entering the light, we see that the figure is none other than "Mugsy" the mob thug (from the old Looney Tunes cartoons)]

MUGSY: [Thinking, or something similar to it for him] Duh....I hopes this job is easy! Who ever heard of a mouse with super-speed? ...well, maybe other than dose guys at DC Comics that make those neat comics-type books! [Sneaks over to the table where the mice are; all is going along the same as before...]

PINKY: So, he'd--

BRAIN: [Sounding tired] Pinky, for the last time: the odds of that obnoxious Impulse brat defeating the Pied Piper in combat, ignoring future character usage, plot and sales requirements, are slim to none...besides, Piper's on the side of *good* now, *not* a villain! [Glances over the "Flash" book that Pinky's reading; we see the panels reveal the Scarlet Speedster pulling the "two places at once" bit on Gorilla Grodd; Brain makes an annoyed face...]

BRAIN: Ugh...it looks like I stopped reading this book just in time...I can only imagine what these writers are *thinking* of...

[Zip pan to the "Flash"s' artists/writers, laughing their heads off...]

MARK WAID: Wahahaha! And then, when Grodd's not looking, Flash can pull that "right behind 'im" bit, too! Hahaha!

BRIAN AUGUSTYN: Oooh, ooh! Don't forget to insert as many labored references to the "Speed Force" as possible!

WAID: Right, we wouldn't want the readers to forget that valuable contribution to the Flash mythos that I made; how many times have I mentioned it so far? [Picks up a work-in-progress "Flash" issue]

AUGUSTYN: Um....[Looks through issue] 27?

WAID: Add a few more...and maybe borrow another of that "Wakko Warner"'s suggestions for battle tactics, too...

AUGUSTYN: Yeah...those "Warners" that keep writing letters to us have been *really* helpful!

WAID: So true...

[Zip pan back to the mice; Brain looks fairly annoyed]

PINKY: Wahahaha! Oh, but it's all in fun, Brain! Except during scenes of extreme character angst and such, POIT!

BRAIN: Indeed...I can only--

[Brain's statement is cut off, as we see a hand reaching towards the spinning wheel; Speedy, caught off-guard, is grabbed by the hand, whose owner is seen to be Mugsy, natch...]

SPEEDY: Hey, what is this?! Let me go! [He bites Mugsy's hand; Mugsy screams, but doesn't let go....instead, he inadvertently slams Speedy into the cage, which knocks him out...before Pinky and Brain can do anything, they see Mugsy running towards the lab's exit; before leaving, however, Mugsy grabs Brain's blueprints for the energy-producing device. Mugsy then exits; the mice look shocked, as they race to the window to see Mugsy get in a truck and pull away...]

BRAIN: Pinky, I believe our plan may have just taken an unexpected turn...

PINKY: Brain! How are we going to get Speedy back?! Run around and collect as many other people as possible to help us engage in the villain in a "final confrontation" and do a series of tiresome gags and pop culture references? [Brain bops Pinky on the head]

PINKY: [Groggy] Well, it always worked before...Poit..

BRAIN: No, my friend, this time, we shall recover Speedy on our own...and *I* have just the tools to do it with! [Brain runs over to a closet, and soon returns, holding two suits on hangers; one is colored red, and the other blue; both have wiring running along them, and lightning-bolt insignias on the front]

PINKY: Egad, what are they, Brain?

BRAIN: Tonight's backup in case something happened to our friend Mr. Gonzales...hypervelocity suits! Through my planning, they are designed to provide the wearer with superspeed abilities similar to those of Mr. Gonzales, which would assist in generating enough power for the electrical storage system. [Tosses Pinky the blue suit] Put this on!

PINKY: OK!

[A short while later, we see the mice in their suits...Pinky is wearing a winged helmet similar to the Greek God Mercury's...]

PINKY: I love this hat, Brain...sort of "Golden Age Flash" meets the F.T.D. Florist, NARF!

[Brain rolls his eyes at his friend's lack of Greek god mythological knowledge...]

PINKY: Can I try it out now, Brain?

BRAIN: Yes, but only for a short while...these suits only possess a 3-hour maximum charge at a time! Thus, it's imperative for my plan that we retrieve Mr. Gonzales as soon as possible, and discover what vile plans that thug has for *my* electrical storage system! [Presses a button on Pinky's suit] Now, let's try a trial run...Pinky?

PINKY: OK, Brain! *NARF*! [Pinky begins running, and soon, the suit accelerates his movements; we see Pinky run for the open window at a faster clip, until only a blue blur is seen; the blur *very* quickly vanishes out the window, and soon returns; the blur pulls to a stop, and we see Pinky is holding a "I survived the Buffalo, New York Root Beer Blowout" T-Shirt and a mouse-sized root beer mug]

BRAIN: *YEEES*! It works perfectly! Come, Pinky, we must begin scouring the area at super-speed to search for that vile thug and Speedy! [Activates his own suit] Ready?

PINKY: Ready!

BRAIN: Then let's...uh...

PINKY: Hit it? Floor it, man? Get a move on? Put the metal to the metal? Kick it into high gear? Um...I'm running out of catch phrases here...

BRAIN: Very well...let's just get going...

[Both mice take off at superspeed...we see a red blur and a blue blur zoom out of the lab...cut to the still-arguing Daffy and Sylvester]

DAFFY: I thtill thay it'th the Cat and Bunny, Thuper-Thized...waitaminnit...what's *that*?!

[They turn around and see the two blurs approaching...]

SYLVESTER: It mutht be that mitherable mouthe! And...he'th got *another* thuper fatht pal with 'im?! [Pulls from nowhere a net; Daffy does the same with a club] Time for *uth* to play exthterminatorth...

DAFFY: Yeah... [Both laugh maniacally, and jump into bushes on either side of the road, with net and club in a striking position for the approaching blurs...]

[We cut to Pinky and Brain running down the road, with Daffy Duck and Sylvester in the bushes, Daffy with club in hand and Sylvester with a net.]

DAFFY: NOW! Get 'em!

[Sylvester swipes his net and catches Pinky, who keeps dashing down the road with Sylvester in tow! Daffy tries for Brain, but misses and hits himself in the foot.]

DAFFY: YEEEEOWCH!

BRAIN: [With speeded voice and running down the road] Servesthenumskullright!

PINKY: Ohhhh... This is just like that "Golden Age of Flash" compilation book!

SYLVESTER: Whoooaaaaa! Thufferin' thuccotasssshhhhhttttthhhhh!

BRAIN: Pinkydropthatcatrightnowyou'reslowingusdown!

PINKY: Why is your voice all weirrrd?!

BRAIN: Idontknowitmustbesomeglitchinthesystem.

SYLVESTER: Yagggghhhhh!!!!!

PINKY: Gee, Brain, he followed me home! Can we keep him!?

BRAIN: Shutupandrunyoufoolandforgoshsakesquitdraggingthatcat!

[Pinky throws the net off, sending Sly bouncing backwards. He crashes into a cactus. As we cut back to the mice we see Pinky trying to read a comic book as he runs alongside Brain.]

PINKY: Ooo, Brain, I think I'm getting motion sickness! I feel rather queasy…

BRAIN: Welldon'treadwhileyou'rerunningatsuperspeedgivemethat! [Snatches the book, rolls it up, and bops Pinky, then throws it away.]

PINKY: Mu-ha-ha!! Oh, this is fun, Brain! Hm…this reminds of…

BRAIN: Pleasepinkynotanothergratuitousdccomicsreference!

PINKY: Actually, I was gonna say this reminds me of something that zany coyote might do to catch that bird, in those cartoons I like to watch on TV…except, in those cartoons something would've happened, like he would've run off a cliff or crashed into…A TREE!!!

BRAIN: YeswellthisisreallifeandI'vemeticulouslyfinetunedmymachinerysothatnothingcouldpossibly…

PINKY: No, I mean *A TREE*!!!

[Brain has a distinctly Wile E.-esque expression on his face as he smashes into a tree.]

PINKY: [Screeching to a stop.] Are you alright, Brain?

BRAIN: [Odd look on his face] Yeeeessss!!! [Pulls himself together. The two mice begin to zoom off again.] And what's more, the crash seems to have fixed my speech defect!

PINKY: Aw…and I was hoping to hear you say the name of that 'Cat & Bunny' show in super-speed! That's be fun-fun-silly-willy! POIT!

BRAIN: Yes, I'm sure. But now, we must find Speedy in order to complete our plan! After maneuvering out of that duck's grasp, we've wasted valuable time. The suits will only function properly for approximately 2 and a half hours more! We've no time to lose!

PINKY: But how will we find him, Brain?

BRAIN: This is one of the least-traveled areas in all of Mexico, Pinky. If three people come through, it's considered a busy day. The tire tracks from the truck should still be fresh, and easy to follow. So come on! [Zooms off]

PINKY: And a-wwwwwwaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy we go! Wa-ha-haaa!!!!! [Follows Brain.]

[Open on a truck travelling down a dusty road. We see a very small man in a large hat driving, and a huge man riding shotgun. They are Rocky and Mugsy, the two gangsters.]

ROCKY: Ya did a good job, Mugsy. Now let's get to the boss's place and give 'im de plans and the little speedster in the back there. When da boss sees the good work we done, we'll get more money den the company that makes dose "Flash" comics!

MUGSY: Duh, yeah, Rocky! Dose are fun! I like it when that guy runs around like a little red blur! ZZZZZZOOOOOMMMM!

ROCKY: Shaddup, Mugsy! Only a moron like youse would read dose mindless things!

MUGSY: Ohhh...duh, yeah, Rocky! Thanks for da compy-ment!

ROCKY: Shaddup shuttin' up, or I'll give ya a fat lip!

SPEEDY: [Closed up in a fast-food box, awakening] Holy frijoles! What happened? I must've had too much of the tequila! Oh, I remember now! Those nasty banditos kidnapped me! Hey! Where am I, some kind of grease pit? This is disgusting! I hope that nice Señor Brain is going to do something to save me...

[About a half-mile behind the truck, on the road, Pinky and the Brain are still running.]

PINKY: Gee, Brain! how much longer do we have to run?! I'm getting TIRED!

BRAIN: Yes, so am I, but these tire tracks are fresh. We can't be far from the truck! And according to my calculations, we should be GAINING on them!

[A loud noise nearly drowns out Brain's voice and a huge dust cloud kicks up.]

PINKY: Ohhh, no, it's the Apocalypse! And there'll be flying horses and brimstone and Marlon Brando...

BRAIN: No it's not, you ninny! It's that idiot duck and his cat compadre on a souped-up red motor-scooter! And if we don't kick it into high gear, they'll really foul up our plan!

DAFFY: Aha, you mitherable rodentth! Now we gotcha! Thlow down!

BRAIN: As you wish, sir!

[Brain and Pinky stop, allowing the scooter to pass them. Daffy tries to stop.....]

SYLVESTER: Thtop! They're getting away!

DAFFY: I dunno why I can't...Hey, I forgot to put BRAKETH on this thilly thing!

[The scooter keeps going, and begins to catch up to the truck!]

ROCKY: What is that mo-ron tryin' to doose....run us of da road?! Hold on, Mugsy! I'm gonna speed up!

MUGSY: Dis is fun, Rocky! Just like in da amusement park!

[The sudden speedup doesn't work. CRASH! There is a loud impact and then both vehicles stop. The gangsters climb out of the truck.]

ROCKY: Alright, what da heck is dis?! [Suddenly, Mugsy's cell phone rings; Mugsy answers it...]

FIGURE'S VOICE: Hey! I thought I told you and your Al Capone knockoff partner to get back here on the double with that mouse!

MUGSY: Daaah, right away, sirs!

ROCKY: Come on, let's get there on the double!

[Rocky and Mugsy get into the truck; they start it up again and take off, dragging along the souped-up motor scooter, which is embedded in the back of their truck...our two speed-enhanced rodents soon pull up...]

BRAIN: Drats! We missed them! But not for long! Let's keep going, Pinky...there's not much time left!

PINKY: Righty-o, Brain! NARF!

[The mice take off in the direction the gangsters went, leaving behind a dazed-and-confused Sylvester and Daffy...]

DAFFY: Thaaay, thothe two thugth are workin' for the both too! Well, they ain't cuttin' in on *our* thshare of the dough! Let'th go! [They begin running down the road, towards the hideout...]

[Fade to the hideout; it's a spooky-looking mansion. Fade to the interior; we see Mugsy standing in front of a desk; seated behind it is the story's main mysterious figure/master villain; his body, except for his hands, are ensconced in shadows...]

MUGSY: Daaah, here you go, boss! The mouse *and* the blueprints for that gizmo thingy!

FIGURE: Excellent! Now we must begin implementing the Brain's scheme for our *own* benefit! Lock Mr. Gonzales up until we are ready! [Whips out a cage; Mugsy places Speedy inside of it, and locks the door...Mugsy then walks off towards a door labelled "Top Secret Project!"]

[Fade back to our superspeed-powered mice, who're now following Mugsy's tire treads...]

BRAIN: This must be the right track!

PINKY: [Giggling] This is so much fun, Brain...I could do this all day!

BRAIN: Perhaps, but we only have 2 hours and 15 minutes left charged into the suit! We must *QUICKLY* find Speedy and stop whoever it is that stole the blueprints!

PINKY: Um, Brain, just one question: how come you didn't do like Flash does and vibrate your molecular structure using your superspeed to pass through that tree's molecules, and thus through the tree, harmlessly?

BRAIN: [Looks startled by Pinky's vaguely intelligent remark] Pinky?! Could it be that your comic book reading *isn't* in vain? Repeat that again!

PINKY: Um....repeat what again, Brain?

BRAIN: [Slaps face] Sometimes I think I have a piece of drywall for a sidekick...to answer your comment, these suits don't contain that particular power of the Flash's, though it--wait! Stop right here!

[The mice slow down out of super-speed and come to a stop, in front of what looks like Mugsy's truck.]

BRAIN: This must be the hideout! Now, we must find a way to sneak inside; there may be a trap of some sort!

[The mice zoom up the main stairs, then come to a stop by an open window; Brain peers inside cautiously. He sees the mysterious figure, still shadow-ensconced, talking into a cell phone...]

FIGURE: Daffy? That's right...it's *me*, you bungler! Take that mangy feline and head to Acme Laboratorio, and destroy Brain's project, and the lab, if you must! And if you bring those rodents back alive, I'll pay you a nice, hefty bonus! [Sounds of the duck slobbering into the receiver can be heard] Yech! Just get going, *now*! [Hangs up...]

BRAIN: [Worried] Pinky, if they destroy the lab, all my work will be *ruined*!

PINKY: But Brain, what'll we *do*?!

BRAIN: I know! You go back to the lab and use some of the suit's speed to take care of those two clods, then come back here as soon as possible! I'll investigate here to see what this miscreant is up to! And remember not to waste too much of the suit's time supply! Hurry, there's no time to lose!

PINKY: Righty-o, Brain! You can count on me! [Pinky zooms off in a blue-colored blur...]

[Fade to Pinky, zooming along the road towards Acme Laboratorio....]

PINKY: Gee, I dunno...how am I supposed to stop *both* of them all by myself? [Snaps fingers] Oooh, I know! I'll get help! Even if Brain isn't too keen on us always having to get help for these sort of things....and I know who to ask!...POIT...oooh, I hope she's taking good care of my pet rock back at the New York Acme Labs! [Pinky zooms off towards the horizon at an even more tremendous speed...cut back to Brain...]

BRAIN: Hmmm....now what do I do? [Rushes along to another window nearby and peers in...]

[Inside we see Rocky and Mugsy, arguing, as usual.]

ROCKY: Mugsy! You bone-head! If you hadn't gotten involved with tat weird guy in da first place we wouldn't have gotten into this mess!

MUGSY: Gee, Rocky! I tawt I was doin' somethin' SMART. I knews we needed da dough, so I took the offer.

ROCKY: Shaddap, Mugsy! Ask your Mr. Big Wannabe pal if we can get some decent grub aroun' here! And ask him about sleeping facilities!

[Fade back to Brain.]

BRAIN: Well, I guess it's safe. Those hoodlums are bickering, and I should be able to sneak in unnoticed to rescue Speedy. But I hope Pinky can stop those buffoons! This is the first time I've ever given him that kind of responsibility! [Realizing.] Oh, no! What have I done?!

[Cut to Mugsy and the figure at the desk.]

FIGURE: Yes, this used to be a motel...that is before...I came here! There are some beds upstairs, and my cooks have been working on the chili all afternoon....

MUGSY: Cooks?!

FIGURE: Yes...they're a couple of bumblers, but they get the job done. You oughtta meet them...Hubie, Bertie, and Claude!

[Fade to the New York City Acme Labs building, at night...fading into the interior, we see Billie is busy sprucing up her cage with a nice throw rug, some curtains, and a mouse-sized mood lamp. She's currently hanging a picture of Pinky in the corner, when suddenly, through an open window, we see Pinky streak into the room...his wind gust blows a few papers into the room...Billie, startled, turns around and faces the streaking figure, which comes to a sudden stop...]

BILLIE: *Pinky*?!? ...in a hypervelocity suit?!?

PINKY: Billie you've got to come quick! Brain's in trouble and so is Speedy and...hey, how'd you know what this is? Especially when I barely do!

BILLIE: [Shrugs] Eeeh...I invented one of those things a long time ago...I was bored. Though from the looks of Eggy's work, this thing *definitely* needs a few...upgrades. [Looks at the time left on the suit's supply] *3 hours*?! What laptop computer company did *Eggy* learn power supply conservation from?! We'll just fix *that*...come on, Pinky! [Grabs his hand, and smiles; Pinky merely shrugs...]

[Cut to a few hours later...we see Pinky still in his suit; Billie walks onscreen, wearing her own hypervelocity suit; it resembles Pinky's, but is colored silver...]

BILLIE: Well, whaddya think? And look...both my suit and yours now comes with an *8*-hour power supply!

PINKY: Naaarf...you could do a whole workday's work at superspeed! [Becoming serious.] But we've gotta hurry and get back to Mexico...Brain needs our help!

BILLIE: Guess you'd better tell me everything along the way, then...ready?

PINKY: Righty-o! Let's hit the road, Rovers!!! Wa-ha-ha-haaaaa!!!!! ZORT!

[The two figures take off out of the lab's window, Billie in a silver streak and Pinky in blue....]

[The mice continue running off at a rather ludicrous speed, when Billie realizes something rather important]

BILLIE: Hey, Pinky? Do you have *any* idea where we're going?

PINKY: Well... yes, to help Brain?

BILLIE: But do you know how to get back to where he was?

PINKY: Umm... now that you mention it...not really. Poit!

[Billie grabs Pinky's hand, and they instantly decelerate. Pinky notices a shiny circle beneath his feet, and picks it up]

BILLIE: Heh, you stopped on a dime! Now, I guess I should have asked this before we left, but what can you tell me about the situation?

PINKY: It's like this...

[Suddenly, a giant, poultry-like foot lands next to Pinky. A loud voice addresses the two mice.]

VOICE: Now what, ah say, what do we have here? Mangy dog must be attractin' rats... vermin, that is...

[The booming voice belongs to none other than Foghorn Leghorn, the loud-mouthed Southern rooster! He picks up Pinky by the tail and holds him up to his face. A low-key version of "Camptown Races" plays in the background.]

FOGHORN: What--Ah say, what is that thing you're WEARIN', boy? Some kinda space suit? Must be one o'that silly Dawg's pals!

PINKY: Actually, Mr. Chicken, we don't know any dogs, and this is a hypervelocity suit! Or something…Fjord!

BILLIE: Yeah, and we need it to save our friends, so leave it alone!

FOGHORN: Well, now, a little GIRL vermin? Aw, idn't that cute. Well, listen up, ya little rodents! I'll let you go, ah say, I'll let ya go if ya use them suits a' yours to play a little GAME with that Dawg!

BILLIE: Well, I suppose it WOULD be...aw, we really gotta go!

PINKY: C'mon, Billie! It'll be fun-fun sillywilly! Narf!

BILLIE: Oh, okay, Pinky.

FOGHORN: Good! Glad to have ya aboard! Now here's what ya gotta do. Go up to that Dawg and smack him, ah, say, smack him right in the lil' ol' kisser! Make 'im chase ya, but use those suits!

PINKY: Let's go!

BILLIE: Umm...sure, I...guess! But let's make it quick!

[Pinky and Billie sneak up on Barnyard Dawg's doghouse. Pinky gets ready to bite the mutt's tail, while Billie goes to the front and prepares to sock him in the nose.]

BILLIE: Ready....GET HIM!!!!

DAWG: YEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!!!!! Hey, what in the Sam Hill...MICE?! RUFF! RUFF! GRRRRR! I'll moiduh da bums!

[Dawg chases Pinky and Billie, who run in circles, making him dizzy. Finally, the Dawg tires out and falls to the ground.]

DAWG: [To Billie] Ughhh...HEY! what the heck is dis all about, sister? How come you're so fast, and why did ya smack me in da kisser?!

PINKY: [Interrupts] Ohhh, it was FUN! That nice chicken back there told us to!

DAWG: Chicken, eh? I think I know just the fat, lazy, loudmouthed schnook you're talkin' about! And if you'll undo my collar, I'll give that lamebrain leghorn a couple o' sprained giblets!!!

BILLIE: Okay! But will you let us leave? We're in a hurry!

DAWG: Sister, if you let me off dis leash I'll let you do anything ya want!!!

BILLIE: You heard him, Pinky!

[Pinky bites the leash and releases the red-faced, raging-mad dog. He darts off toward the snickering Foghorn Leghorn. They begin to fight and argue.]

BILLIE: Let's get out of here before they cause us any more delays. They're too busy bickering to bother with us!

PINKY: Righto! Let's burn rubber, baby! Narf!!! [The two zoom off.]


On to Part 2

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