A ‘Pinky And The Brain’ Chain Link Fan Fiction OPENING SCENE: Backyard of Elmyra’s house, morning. Brain is matter-of-factly cutting flower-heads from the wall side garden, using a pair if scissors taped to long handles. Pinky emerges from the house, through the ‘pet entrance’ at the base of the back door, and bounces over to his friend.) PINKY: (cheerful) Poit! There you are, Brain! BRAIN: (obviously not sharing Pinky’s mood) Yes, here I am. PINKY: (sing-songy voice) I need to find out from somebody, what he wants to do for his birthday today! BRAIN: (keeping his attention on his cutting) You already know what I want the most. I want one whole day of being left to do my work, with no participation in any of our dear keeper’s humiliating and painful "games." PINKY: (surprised) Really? I’d of thought you’d want to finally achieve World Domination. Or at least find a new laboratory to live in. Or have Elmyra lose interest in ever playing with us again. BRAIN: (momentarily stunned) Have my expectations really fallen so low?! (Shaking it off, Brain shears off another flower, which Pinky picks up.) PINKY: Ooo! Or maybe you’d like to have oodles of pretty flowers...? BRAIN: (snatching back the flower) I’m not cutting these for my enjoyment, Pinky. I need to extract the floral oils from them, for my Olfactory-Suggestive Modifier. PINKY: Is that the new gizmo you’ve been working on behind the bureau? The ‘smelly-memory’ thingee? BRAIN: The device which utilizes the power of odor to induce recollections; *yes*. The one which shall enable me to render any human amenable to my suggestions, by producing scents to evoke such intense childhood remembrances that the individual temporarily regresses to an underdeveloped mental state. And if you really want to give me a present I’ll appreciate, you will kindly refrain from telling the Oaf anything about it. She’ll probably use the device to play ‘Dive Bombers.’ PINKY: (rubbing his head at the reminder) I’ll do that, Brain. But I don’t know if I can keep Elmyra away from you all day. I know she’s already made plans for your birthday party. BRAIN: (shuddering) And I can just imagine what kinds of plans those are! (angrily flinging down the cutters) Why *do* I continue to abide in this purgatorial domicile!? (Scene Shift to a double-circle view, as if viewed through a pair of binoculars. The sound acquires a scratchy quality, as it would if magnified over a distance.) PINKY: (trying to be soothing) Isn’t it because we’re hiding from that conspirawhatdayacallit? The Oval...? BRAIN: The CIRCLE, Pinky! My question was rhetorical! The Circle is the secret Government organization that wants to take over the world, but with no regard for the World’s welfare. And they want me to assist them- then ‘crisply’ eliminate me! That’s why we’re hiding here. Because, after our last encounter with field-agent Wally Faust, this may be the one place on earth they believe we aren’t. (Brain rubs his palms against his temples) It’s Scylla rather than Charybdis; the just-barely-preferable option. PINKY: Ah, is that another way of saying, we’re stuck here? BRAIN: (suddenly very weary) Yes, Pinky. We are indeed. (Cut to ground-level view of the mice, the neighboring houses in the background. One house’s chimney has an odd-looking protrusion.) PINKY: Well, Brain, isn’t that all the more reason to try to make the best of it? BRAIN: (gathering up the flowers, incongruously making himself look like a miniature Rose Parade float) The ‘best’ I can make of this situation, is to develop a successful World Domination plan as soon as possible, to put us beyond the reach of both conspiratorial forces and sadistic little girls. (Brain stalks into the house, leaving the pet door swinging violently behind him.) PINKY: (disappointed) He’s *really* in a bad mood. There must be some way to cheer him up for his birthday. (Pinky thoughtfully eyes the remaining flowers.) (Close In on the unusual chimney protrusion, so we can see it’s the lenses of a binocular periscope, topped with a listening device like a tiny satellite dish. Pan to the opposite side of the chimney to show a lean man, wearing earphones and a ‘Bert’s Chimney Inspection’ jacket, peering into the periscope’s viewing end. The man draws his head back, smiling an evilly satisfied smile. It is, of course, our old friend Wally Faust.) DISSOLVE TO: Pinky seated on the living-room window sill, carefully wrapping a small box in floral paper and a shiny pink ribbon.) PINKY: Oh, I ‘ope Brain likes it! (glancing about) Now where can I put this where he won’t see it too soon? (Pinky stashes the gift behind the window curtain, then jumps down to the couch and runs from the room.) (calling) Oh, Brain...! (A hand reaches through the window, takes the present, and seconds later replaces it with a very similar-looking one. Pinky returns, excitedly towing Brain to the couch.) BRAIN: (sotto voice, very impatient) This had better be important, Pinky! I can only keep Elmyra locked in the basement for so long before she’s finished decorating for that horrible party she’s planned for me. We don’t need any over-zealous child-welfare workers showing up, when Elmyra starts screaming to be let out. PINKY: (jumping to the sill and springing back with the gift) Guess what it is, Brain! BRAIN: (just a little less impatient) Pinky, I appreciate the gesture, but I really have no time for this. PINKY: Ple-ee-ease, Brain? ELMYRA’S VOICE: (from basement) No opening presents before your party, Big Mousey Head! BRAIN: All right, Pinky. But only if afterwards. you’ll leave me alone to complete my project in peace. PINKY: Oh, I promise, Brain! Open it, open it! Brain: Very well. (Brain peels off the ribbon and paper, and opens the box. With a hissing ‘WIISSHH!’, a cloud of purplish gas poofs out, engulfing both mice. Pinky and Brain have just enough time to look startled, before they pass out on the couch.) (There’s a scratching at the front door and Wally Faust enters, wearing a small gas mask. As he bends over to grab Brain, a small black wallet slips unnoticed from his jacket pocket, falling to the rug. Wally has a glance at Pinky before exiting the house with Brain in hand.) (Pullback to show the unconscious Pinky, alone in the deserted room, as Elmyra’s voice calls from the basement.) ELMYRA’s VOICE: Cranky Big Head! (sound of doorknob being tried) Open the door- it’s time for your party! (WAVER to indicate time passage.) DISSOLVE TO: Overhead view of Wally’s red van, speeding down a fast highway.) CUT TO: Close-up of Brain, laying face-down on a hard flat surface. Sound of car engine running. Pullback as Brain begins to stir. We can now see his wrists and ankles are tied with smooth grayish cord, and he’s inside a small, sturdy cage. Brain moans, vainly trying to move, his eyes opening partway.) (Low-angle shot showing what Brain sees. His cage is belted into the van’s passenger seat; in the driver’s seat is a disconcertingly familiar figure.) WALLY: Greetings, Mr. Brain. I hope you crisply enjoyed your nap? BRAIN: (groggily resentful) Wally Faust. What an unpleasant surprise. WALLY: (gloating) It should hardly be surprising. That ‘clucking’ tendency you implanted in me made it obvious I’d been subjected to post-hypnotic suggestion, when I returned from my last investigation. It was only a matter of time before my colleagues managed to retrieve my real memories, and reconstruct what really happened. (Brain looks chagrined, realizing he should have foreseen this. He turns onto his side and sits up, leaning heavily back against the bars of the cage.) WALLY: (conversationally) That headache is an after-effect of the sedative gas; it’ll clear up in an hour or two. Oh, and don’t waste your energy trying to break those cords. They’re constructed of spider-silk. Stronger then steel, as I’m sure you know. BRAIN: (glancing about with just his eyes) Where’s Pinky? WALLY: Still home, so far as I know. It’s you that The Circle is interested in. I wouldn’t fret about Pinky if I were you- I had the impression he didn’t object to living there as much as you did. (For a second Brain looks slightly relieved. Then he lets his head rest against his knees, his eyes falling shut.) BRAIN: (monotone) What is going to happen to me? WALLY: My friend, you’re about to start a new life, working for The Circle. We’re working on a few ‘projects’ we’d like your expert assistance with. (glancing at his prisoner) And it’s nothing to get so despondent about. Nobody there is going to wash out your mouth for having a polysyllabic vocabulary, or make you wear diapers, or force-feed you until you swell up like a volleyball. BRAIN: At least, not until the day I’m ‘eliminated.’ WALLY: That’s negotiable, Brain. At this point, everything is. (pointedly) And, by the way, that headache will dissipate faster if you don’t talk. (Taking the hint, Brain makes no answer. But, to himself, he whispers one barely-audible sound.) BRAIN: Pinky... WIPE TO: Pinky, just regaining consciousness. Eyes still closed, he grimaces from the continuous pounding of Elmyra’s fists on the basement door.) ELMYRA’S VOICE: (much more urgent) Mousies! You’d better let me out of here or you don’t get any cake! MOUSIES!! (Evidentially suffering from the same headache, Pinky lifts both hands to block his ears, but a new sound breaks through; the doorbell.) FORMIDABLE FEMALE VOICE: This is the Child Welfare Agency! Open this door at once! PINKY: (disoriented, saying the first thing he can think of) I can’t reach the doorknob- use the window! (There’s sounds of someone moving on the windowsill above him. Pinky opens his eyes a crack, to see an apparently huge Dark Figure looming over him.) PINKY: (fuzzily) Are you that child-welfare worker Brain was talking about? (looks about) Where is Brain? DARK FIGURE: (voice now much higher pitched) Pinky! Are you all right?! PINKY: Who are you? Why is this room spinning like a whirlywind? DARK FIGURE: (now looking much smaller to Pinky) Just lie still- I’ll take care of everything! First I’d better let that noisy kid out of the basement. Natch! (The Dark Figure hurries away.) PINKY: (letting his eyes close for a few seconds... and suddenly opening them wide) N-N- NATCH?! (Suddenly roused, Pinky sits up- just in time to see a furious Elmyra tear through the living room and rush outside.) ELMYRA’S VOICE: I’ll find you, you mean Brainy Big-Head! You can’t run away before your party! (The Dark Figure reappears from the kitchen, now carrying a steaming thimble of tea. And now Pinky’s vision has cleared enough for him to recognize her.) PINKY: Billie! How did you..? Where have you...? Can you...? (Billie ascends the couch and coaxes Pinky to drink the tea.) BILLIE: You’re lucky I’ve been searching for ya. I never would have thought to find ya here. If I hadn’t started monitoring all the outgoing calls in this province yesterday, you’d have been on your own! (hugging him affectionately around the shoulders) I’m so glad I finally found ya, Pinks- I’ve missed you so! (But Pinky has other concerns on his mind.) PINKY: (pushing away the thimble) Listen, Billie; something terrible has happened! I had just given Brain his birthday present, and when he opened it, this purple smoke came swooshing out, (demonstrates with his hands), and I fell asleep, and I woke up with everything all spinny... (tears starting to flow) ...and now Brain is gone! BILLIE: (stroking Pinky’s forehead) Don’t worry, Pinky- I’m here to help! Somebody put a knock-out gas pellet in that box, it sounds like, so they could snatch Brainy. Do you have any idea who’d want to do that? PINKY: Well, Brain was talking about someone like that this morning... It was the, umm, Square? The Trapezoid? No, it was, more round... BILLIE: (coaxing) The Sine Curve? The Hyperbola? The Ellipse? PINKY: (straining to recall) No, none of those... It was... BILLIE: The Circle? PINKY: (sitting up straight, now fully awake) That’s it! BILLIE: Hmmm... The Circle... I remember them! That’s the conspiratorial group in Washington D.C. who are trying to take over the World! I hear they hired Kenneth Starr to dig up dirt on the President, so they could throw the country into chaos and seize power! And they had other plans, in case that didn’t work. Gee, Eggy might feel right at home with that crowd... PINKY: (anxious) No, Billie! Brain told me, they want to force him to work for them, and then they’re going to Crispify him, or something! And now they’ve got him! Billie, he needs our help! BILLIE: Did you see anything at all before that gas knocked you out, Pinky? PINKY: No. But something else happened awhile ago... We met a Circle member, who came here looking for Brain. He was thin, and had scaarry eyes, and he looked like... (happens to spot the opened card-folder on the floor, showing an photo driver’s license) (pointing) He looked just like THAT! (Both mice leap to the floor, unfold the card holder to reveal the collection of various fake IDs and family photos.) BILLIE: (reading) Hmm. ‘Peter Mills’. ‘Tom Hastings’. ‘Rusty Ruegger’. But I’ve seen that face once before. This creep is Wally Faust! PINKY: Yes! That’s what Brain called him! BILLIE: So he’s the one who switched the presents an’ put the bag on Eggy. I’ll bet he’s taking him to The Circle headquarters in D.C.! And I think I know where that is! PINKY: (excited) Then let’s go there! Just let me pack a few things! (Very quickly, Pinky runs into Elmyra’s bedroom, grabs a mouse-sized knapsack from a pile of doll clothes, throws some random items into it and races back to Billie. Together they ascend to the window ledge and jump out onto the lawn. Something catches Pinky’s eye; the original wrapped package, sitting discarded under the window.) PINKY: (gasps) Brain’s present! He never even got to see it! (Pinky picks up the gift and adds it to his pack. Then he and Billie hurry to the front of the house, down the darkening road and out of sight.) ELMYRA’S VOICE: (angrily, from the backyard) All right then, you bad Mousies! I’ll just have the party all by myself! CUT TO: Wally and Brain in the van, just after nightfall. Brain, on his side, appears to be asleep, until he suddenly mumbles something.) BRAIN: (softly) Are we almost there? WALLY: As a matter of fact... we are. (Wally pulls the van over and parks. He reaches beneath the driver’s seat, bringing up a black draw-string bag. Unfastening the top of the cage, he lifts Brain out.) WALLY: Your pardon, Brain, but from this point on I can’t risk letting you see where we’re going. (Wally drops his captive into the bag, pulling the strings tight. Outside shot of Wally getting out of the car and starting up the sidewalk, bag in hand.) (Within the bag, Brain irritably pulls himself up.) BRAIN: (thinking) Wally forgets he’s dealing with a Mouse. (Brain bares his teeth and carefully bites a small hole in the fabric, just at eye level, then twists his head to look through it.) (Outside View of that one pink-colored eye peering through the little hole. Pullback as Wally draws alongside the confectionery store front, as seen in ‘The Man from Washington.’ A streetlight clearly illuminates the ‘Cookies and Fudge’ lettering in the front window- the pink eye widens a bit, taking this in.) (Wally enters the store, climbs a narrow staircase to the second floor, walks into the same meeting room from MfW. The four other Circle members- the big bald guy, dark-haired man, red-headed woman and sandy-haired man- are seated around the spot-lit table, waiting for Mr. Faust. Wally comes up to the table and, grinning triumphantly, reaches into the bag.) WALLY: Fellow Members of The Circle, may I present to you... The Brain! (With a slight flourish, Wally lifts Brain out and sets him down in the center of the table. Brain promptly sits up, squinting a bit under the bright light. All the humans examine him with sinister interest.) BIG GUY: (leaning toward Brain, hands folded) Welcome at last, Brain, to... The Circle. Mr. Faust you know. May I introduce to you Dr. Shale, Ms. Fahrenheit, The General... and you may call me Big Guy. BRAIN: (scowling) Charmed, I’m sure. DISSOLVE TO: Pinky and Billie on a busy night time urban intersection. They’re trying to flag down a taxi, but without success.) PINKY: I always heard it was impossible to catch a cab at this hour! ZORT! BILLIE: Well, we can’t walk all the way to D.C. I don’t like to do this... but I think we’re going to have to try Alternate Transportation. (points her thumb down the road) PINKY: Oh- you mean Hitchhiking! (Pinky points his thumb as well. Several cars pass them.) BILLIE: (gently pushing Pinky back) Time to try the Colbert method. (Billie hitches up the fur on her lower leg, revealing a shapely calf, and sticks it out into the road. The next car, a limo, screeches to a halt and it’s back door opens. In the dark interior, the figure of a rather heavy-set man in a business suit is barely discernible.) MAN: (thick accent) May I offer you very small folks a ride? (Before they can answer, a large hand reaches to scoop Pinky and Billie inside, the door slams and the car pulls away.) (The limo compartment is well furnished, lit by candle, with soft Italian music playing over the stereo system. The heavy-set man lifts the nervous mice closer to have a look.) PINKY: (in shock of recognition) It can’t be! You’re... Dr. Mordough! MAN: I don’t think so- ‘never even heard of ‘im. BILLIE: Pinky, that’s not Mordough! I think that’s...(to Man) Aren’t you, Don Corleone? MAN: Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. But you may address me as... The Godfather. (Billie and Pinky look at each other.) BILLIE: Pinks, this could be the best luck, or the worst, we could possibly have had... WIPE TO: The Circle Meeting Room. The gathered members are still eyeing a sullen Brain.) WALLY: (to Big Guy) Well, what shall we do with him? BIG GUY: What has already been agreed upon, Mr. Faust. We shall begin his... indoctrination. (to Brain) It might interest you to learn, there are ‘brainwashing’ technologies in existence, other then the ones you know of. BRAIN: (fidgeting impatient) Look, don’t waste your time. I’ve already experienced brainwashing, and beaten the effect... BIG GUY: I guarantee, this will be an entirely different process. Dr. Shale, if you will please prepare... the Machine. (The dark-haired man grins wickedly, gets up and exits the room. A trace of worry creeps into Brain’s expression.) CUT TO: Interior of the Godfather’s limo. The mice are now on the seat beside Mr. Corleone, with Billie gripping his sleeve imploringly.) BILLIE: Listen, Mr. Godfather; Pinky and I- my name’s Billie- we’re on a Rescue Mission and we really need some help. We have to get to Washington D.C. as soon as possible! GODFATHER: Then you’re in luck- I’m going there myself. I have to meet with a really secret agency, to make them an offer they... well, you know the rest. PINKY: A really secret agency? You mean The Circle? GODFATHER: (surprised) How do you know about them? BILLIE: Because *we’ve* got a meeting with those skuzbags, too- they’ve kidnapped our friend Brain, and we’re going to get him back! (Pinky nods vigorously.) GODFATHER: Hmm. We seem to have some mutual interests here- perhaps we can make some arrangement to benefit us all... In the meantime, have you got any munchies, my friends of small stature? PINKY: I’ve got some cheese balls! (he extracts a couple from his knapsack) GODFATHER: (taking the snacks) You see, Columbus knew the earth was round, like this... BILLIE: (tactfully interrupting) Umm... Mr. Corleone, what exactly is *your* business with The Circle? GODFATHER: Oh, you shall soon see, my furry friends. Soon... DISSOLVE TO: Circle HQ. Big Guy, accompanied by Dr. Shale, carries Brain in his hand, down a long multi-doored hallway. Brain, now definitely unsettled, tugs fretfully at his bindings.) SHALE: This won’t take long, Brain. A few minutes in the Machine will erase every trace of your memories. BRAIN: How can you expect me to take over the world for you, if you destroy my brilliant mind!? BIG GUY: Oh, not your mind, Mr. Brain. Just your memories. We shall replace them with fabricated memories, of lifelong loyalty and devotion to The Circle. You shall recall nothing of your previous life. Not even... ‘Narf’. (Shale and Big Guy share a laugh. Brain swallows heavily.) CUT TO: Overhead shot of the limo, on a rural stretch of highway, cultivated fields on either side.) (Inside, the mice are seated together at one end of the car seat. From the other end, the Godfather regards the scenery with displeasure.) GODFATHER: Not even a lousy ‘Dunked-In Doughnuts’ around here. Maybe we could find some place that sells popcorn, or beer nuts... BILLIE: (whispering) Not that I’d ordinarily say this, but, in the words of Brain; Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering? PINKY: (whispering back) I think so, Billie, but I prefer ‘City on the Edge of Forever’ to ‘Best of Both Worlds’. BILLIE: (sighs) Pinks, I gotta admit; there’s moments when I can understand why Eggy gets so ticked off at you. No: I mean, I think we’re gonna need more assistance in D.C. then just the Godfather. Natch! We gotta find out if he knows somebody there! PINKY: Okay, Billie. (starts giggling) ‘Natch’! Haha! BILLIE: (turning towards Godfather) Hey, Mr. Corleone, do you happen to have any acquaintances who might help us take on The Circle? I don’t think just the three of us are gonna be a match for ‘em. We can’t go in unprepared, what with Eggy being at risk. PINKY: (suddenly anxious) That’s right! They might really hurt Brain! (starts to cry) Brain is my best friend, and they took him away, just when we were about to celebrate his birthday! (Pinky covers his face with his hands.) BILLIE: (gently patting Pinky’s shoulder) Now, now, don’t you worry, Pinks! We’ll save him. An’ we can give him his birthday celebration afterwards. GODFATHER: (moved) Such loyalty to a friend is highly admirable. I can help you with some... connections, of mine, my little rodent friends. (He pulls out a cell phone and dials.) PINKY: (drying his tears) Who’re you gonna call, Mr. Godfather? Ghostbusters? GODFATHER: You’ll see. (into phone) Hello? This is Mr. Corleone. That’s right... I want you should meet me and my two new associates in D.C., at the usual place. Capice? All right the; buh-bye. (He hangs up) Now, my blue-eyed friend; for this, shall we say, delicate meeting with The Circle, I’ve called in the finest- a business associate who would love to help me. My old pal the Godpigeon owes me a favor. So, he’s contacting one of *his* connections... the Vice President of the United States. BILLIE: You mean Al Gore? What can he do for us? GODFATHER: Well, I figured we could throw spitballs at him and make him all confused. (Pinky and Godfather both laugh.) PINKY: (much cheered) Haha! Fun-fun, silly-willy! BILLIE: (just a bit annoyed) Enough fun for now, boys! What *helpful* people does this ‘Godpigeon’ know? GODFATHER: There is another group- The Circle’s main rival- known as The Triangle. The Godpigeon is a standing member. If he can get us to ‘em, they could definitely help.... BILLIE: Then by all means, let’s go see this bird! PINKY: Yes! (into the chauffeur’s intercom) Hit the road, Rovers! GODFATHER: (clarifying) Increase speed, Vigo. (The limo picks up speed. Outside Shot of it racing toward city lights.) PINKY’S VO: Courage, Brain! We’re coming to save you! DISSOLVE TO: Close-up of Brain, now laying flat, and sweating profusely. Pull back to show he’s strapped down to a device resembling a cat-scanner; a human-sized one, so Brain looks very small in it. Dr. Shale is setting the last few controls, while Big Guy eyes Brain with satisfaction.) BIG GUY: Do you really find memory erasure such an objectionable prospect, Brain? From what Mr. Faust has told me, certain of your recent experiences are best forgotten. BRAIN: (thru gritted teeth) Would you want to lose your own life experiences? Even the less agreeable ones? BIG GUY: Then you would prefer we didn’t do this? BRAIN: (regarding Big Guy warily) Yes. I would prefer you didn’t. BIG GUY: But, we must be assured of your cooperation, Brain. Do you perceive of any other way for us to get it? (Brain’s eyes widen as a possibility occurs to him.) BRAIN: Is *that* what all these threats have been leading up to? Have you been trying to frighten me into offering my willing assistance?! BIG GUY: (tapping fingers beside the ‘On’ switch) Maybe. Do you want to test it? BRAIN: (voice of reason) Let’s try a different approach. Can you give me any compelling arguments to aid your organization while in my right mind? BIG GUY: Because you might well find life here more agreeable then your most recent residence. Because, in time, you might come to agree with our mission, and enjoy the privileges of full membership. Because we, too, seek World Domination for the World’s own good- even if our means have, occasionally, been somewhat less delicate then your preferred ones. But with your inventiveness to assist us, we could improve our methods. (Brain appears to be thinking it over.) BRAIN: Your offer has a certain appeal. Perhaps, if I knew more about... BIG GUY: One step at a time, Brain. Are you officially offering us your cooperation? Then you might care to demonstrate your sincerity, by offering to manufacture that marvelously effective hypnotic device you employed on Mr. Faust. BRAIN: I can do that. If you can provide me with the necessary materials. BIG GUY: That won’t be a problem. (To Shale) Shut this machine down, Doctor. For now. (Shale does so, but looks somewhat disappointed.) BIG GUY: (to the prisoner) Very well, Brain; you are now officially On Parole. Build us the devices we require, and you’ll find your situation here will markedly improve. But if you refuse any orders, or try to escape, or commit any type of sabotage... (taps the memory-eraser switch again) ...you’ll find yourself back in here. Do you understand? BRAIN: Perfectly. I might add, I truly believe I can be of greater assistance to you with an undamaged mind. BIG GUY: Agreed, which is the only reason I’m chancing this. But be forewarned: the security systems in this building are too extensive for even a mouse to evade, so don’t blow your parole with anything so stupid as an escape attempt. (to Shale) You may put him under now. (Shale brings out a very sleek spray can. Brain shows some apprehension as the can is pointed at him, and fired. A small cloud of that same purplish gas envelops him; he immediately passes out.) BIG GUY: See to him as previously instructed, Doctor. (Shale nods) (Big Guy leaves. Shale unstraps Brain and picks him up. For a moment Shale contemplates Brain, laying limp and vulnerable across his palm, and smiles the trademark Evil Smile.) WIPE TO: The limo again, just getting onto a ramp connecting the Interstate to a sparsely-inhabited road. But as they reach the bottom, the limo’s tires suddenly blow. The car goes into a wild spin, to the great discomposure of everyone inside.) GODFATHER, PINKY AND BILLIE: WAA-AAH-AAHH!!! (The car fetches up against a lamppost, the air bags inflate, and everybody checks themselves for injury.) PINKY: Does anybody have an owie? BILLIE: I guess we’re okay- but what in Hades Blazes just happened? (The Godfather retrieves a flashlight from a wall compartment, rolls down the window, checks both the shredded tires and the road. Sharp metal points gleam in the pavement.) GODFATHER: This ramp’s been spiked! And it has to be for our benefit- a few too many people know I prefer this less-used route. Somebody’s on to us. (He pulls out his cell phone, dials fast) Godpigeon? We’ve had some serious car trouble. Have the Triangle send an operative to our aid as soon as possible- to my preferred Interstate exit. And warn ‘em not to pull up too close; the ramp pavement is undriveable. Okay, thanks. (He closes the cell phone, opens the intercom to speak to the driver.) Vigo, I’ve ordered a repair crew and another driver for us. You may take the rest of the night off, if you wish- there’s some hotels just up the way. (Vigo gets out of the driver’s side, pauses by the window to tilt his cap, revealing himself to be Abe Vigoda.) PINKY: (looking after Abe as he walks away) I’d wondered where he ended up after ‘Fish’! GODFATHER: (to Pinky and Billie) The Triangle will be here soon- the Godpigeon doesn’t keep slackers in his hire. BILLIE: I don’t like the idea of just waiting here. Those spikes must’ve been placed by The Circle, which means they know our route! Maybe they’re tracking us by GPS! GODFATHER: (unconcerned) I wish I’d brought more snacks... it’s gonna be a rough night! (Pinky and Billie look at each other, both rather uneasy...) CUT TO: Brain, who is just waking up. He’s now inside a stoutly built cage, with all the usual amenities; water bottle, dish of food pellets, exercise wheel. As Brain sits up and looks around, he notices Dr. Shale on the other side of the bars, watching him. The view beyond is of a very well-equipped laboratory.) BRAIN: (grouchily) Doesn’t The Circle believe in letting people fall asleep the usual way? (Brain starts to raise hands toward his head, and for the first time becomes aware of the dark metal ring around his neck. Brain grabs at this, feeling all the way around.) SHALE: You can’t unfasten it, Brain. It’s welded on. (Brain now fingers the rounded protrusion on the front of the collar) As you’ve probably deduced, that’s a transmitter. In the event you try to leave us, we’ll be able to track you. And if you would stand up for a moment, I’ll demonstrate an additional function. (Brain looks resentful, but stands. Shale lifts a little control-box and presses a button.) BRAIN: Ehh-eh! (He staggers, frightened, and collapses forward to lie motionless.) SHALE: Paralysis is disconcerting, isn’t it? And an effective way to cut short any mischief you might get into. That’s a neural-impulse blocker, of my own design. The collar has some other capacities too, which you won’t have to experience if you behave yourself. (Shale lets go of the button. Brain gets to his feet again, regarding Shale piercingly.) BRAIN: You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? Just what have I done to incur your enmity? SHALE: (darkly) The truth? I regard you as a real threat to this organization, Brain. I believe it’s a mistake for us to let you live. And a larger mistake to bring you here, into the heart of our operation. Especially since we can probably complete things without your assistance. (resigned) But, the Upper Echelons are of a different opinion. So, you are to be kept here for now. I know you’re adept at escaping from cages, but I suspect this one will hold you. (taps the hefty combination lock) And even if it doesn’t, this whole building is well fortified with security systems. Some which you can see... (gestures at the monitoring camera) ... and others you can’t. So I suggest that, for the next hour or so, you just take advantage of the opportunity to eat and recuperate. My colleagues will be around soon enough, to put you to work. (Keeping half an eye on Shale, Brain goes over to the food pellets, lifts one and sniffs it carefully.) SHALE: Those are perfectly ordinary pellets, Brain. If it was our intent to drug you, we’d hardly need to resort to subterfuge. But if you prefer to go without subsistence, that’s your own concern. (Shale exits, closing the vault-like door behind him. Brain considers a moment, gives the pellet a cautious bite, and then hunger wins out and he eats. His jaw nudges the collar; he tugs it down, anguish invading his expression.) BRAIN: (thinking) I believe I have better appreciation now, of how Kunta Kinte must have felt. WIPE TO: The disabled limo beside the interstate ramp. The sky is getting pale as daybreak approaches.) BILLIE: (trying to make conversation while they wait) So, Mr. Corleone; can you tell us more about this ‘Triangle’? GODFATHER: As I understand it, The Triangle is a secret organization set up as a counter-actionary measure against any attempts to usurp the financial and political leverage of it’s members, including the efforts of groups such as The Circle. Rumor has it, The Triangle’s members include some of the country’s wealthiest corporate C.E.O.s, in addition to various, ahem, ‘businessmen’, such as the Godpigeon. PINKY: (who hasn’t understood a word of this) Naaarf... BILLIE: (who has) I see. Well, I hope they’ve got the resources to get to us soon. GODFATHER: (looking out window) Your hope is fulfilled- here they are! (Outside shot of a black sedan, parking a short ways down the road from the limousine. Godfather rolls his window down, he and the mice look out.) GODFATHER: Ah, how good of you to come! Please make the repairs as quickly as possible- the Godpigeon and I shall reward your efforts. (Three small figures step out of the sedan, revealing themselves to be...) PESTO: I can’t believe I got sent here to fix up this freakin’ beater of a car! Whatda I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?! BILLIE: *You’re* our help?! I’d expected someone who could at least see over the steering wheel! BOBBY: Our driver’s still in the car. You can go say Hi to her if you want. (The grumbling Goodfeathers shuffle over to inspect the limo’s tires.) (Billie hops to the ground, closely followed by Pinky. They both step over to the sedan’s open door. A capable-looking, serious-faced young woman, in black suit and shades, sits in the driver’s seat. As the mice approach, the woman regards them with no trace of surprise.) BILLIE: Pardon us, but may we know your name? WOMAN: Yes, you may. I’m Melissa Lamsen, usually called Mel. And your names are...? PINKY: I’m Pinky, she’s Billie. Hiya! (waves) MEL: (nodding a greeting) I take it you’re both genetically engineered lab mice, from Acme Labs. BILLIE: (suspicious) How do you know about that? MEL: I work for The Triangle- we make it our business to know things. (calling over to the Goodfeathers) Enough ‘observing the situation’, boys- get to work! (The pigeons set about changing the tires, arguing among themselves the whole while- "Jeeze, Squit, don’t you know one end of a jack from another?" "Where’d ya put those freakin’ lug nuts?" "I said a number eight tire iron, ya bird brain!"- etc.) MEL: (pushing back her shades and rolling her eyes) I’m afraid we may be here for a while yet. (kindly) Would you two care to come inside to talk? Maybe tell me more about yourselves... BILLIE: (casual) Sure, why not? But first me and my associate have ta, take care of something. Long car trip, you know... (Billie takes Pinky’s hand and quickly leads him behind a nearby clump of brush.) PINKY: (clearly uncomfortable) Ah, Billie, I wasn’t brought up to do this in mixed company... BILLIE: (whispering) Pinky, somethin’s wrong with this whole situation. PINKY: Yes, very wrong- Brain is missing! But once we meet up with The Triangle, we’ll be able to... BILLIE: We don’t even know The Triangle really exists! These circumstances seem so... contrived. Like someone’s tryin’ ta stall us. PINKY: Then, what do you think we should do? Hitchhike the rest of the way? BILLIE: Not quite yet- first let’s try ta learn more about what’s really happening. Then we should get goin’ before we lose any more time! CUT TO: Work Room at Circle HQ- a large interior crowded with all kinds of manufacturing equipment, computers, work counters, and bulky anonymous things. Brain is on one of the counters, surrounded by tools and components, busily assembling an open-faced duplicate of the ‘audio-command modifier’ seen in MfW. Fahrenheit- the red-haired woman-stands nearby, keeping a watchful eye on him. She holds both the collar control-box, and a small cylindrical unit. As an added security precaution, a dimly glowing containment field encloses the section of counter where Brain labors.) BRAIN: Ms Fahrenheit, I require the #.5 wire snips. (Fahrenheit removes the requested item from a tool rack, points the cylinder at the holding field to make a momentary hole, and tosses the snips inside. Brain fetches them and clips a few loose wires.) BRAIN: That completes it, except for the casing... FAHRENHEIT: (sharp voice) You know you’re not supposed to attach the casing before The General has inspected it. Just get that thing calibrated. (Brain obediently pushes the device beside the wall, where two small cables with grips hang. Brain clips these into the mechanism and adjusts the audio dial.) BRAIN: It’s done. FAHRENHEIT: (pushing a signal on her pocket pager) Step away from it, then. (Brain moves back. Fahrenheit wields the cylinder to contract the holding field closer around Brain, leaving the hypnotic device clear.) (Big Guy enters, followed by the sandy-haired man. Big Guy leans over the counter to give Brain’s device a close look, before gesturing the man over.) BIG GUY: Any indication of booby-traps, General? (The General produces a magnifying lens and carefully examines the circuitry.) BRAIN: (reasonably) It would be rather self-defeating of me to install such a thing when I’m unable to leave the area, would it not? GENERAL: (lifting the device and handing it to Big Guy) It’s clean. (Big Guy takes it, abruptly points it at the unsuspecting General and switches it to On. As happened in MfW, the General freezes in place, his eyes going blank.) BIG GUY: Tell me, General; do you ever go into my office when I’m not there? GENERAL: (flat tone) Yes, I do. BIG GUY: And what do you do in there? GENERAL: I sit in your chair, play with your gyroscopic toys, and pick the lock of your lower-left drawer to steal a few of your Havana cigars. (Fahrenheit grins, but Big Guy is less amused.) BIG GUY: I’d always suspected that was your doing. BRAIN: (thinking) Only suspected? Are there no surveillance cameras in Big Guy’s office? BIG GUY: Don’t do that anymore, General. (He switches the modifier off. The General rubs at his forehead, as if scratching an itch.) BIG GUY: You may now remove Mr. Brain’s containment field, Fahrenheit. (Fahrenheit points the cylinder and the holding field disappears. Big Guy promptly fires the hypnotic device at Brain, who assumes the same frozen look.) BIG GUY: Brain, what do you believe The Circle means to do with you? BRAIN: (same flat tone) Wally Faust had told me you intend to eliminate me after use, but I’ve seen indications your plans have changed. My brilliant defeat of your operative may have convinced you I’m worthy of a place among World Rulers. FAHRENHEIT: (to herself) What an ego. BIG GUY: So what do *you* intend to do? BRAIN: I will render further evidence of my abilities by constructing the devices you require of me- although I will try to avoid making anything with high destructive capacities- to win status in your organization. After years of striving and failing on my own, it’s time for me to consider the advantages of a joint effort. I would prefer to share Global Domination, then never achieve it. (The three Circle members exchange satisfied looks.) BIG GUY: Listen to me, Brain: Our plans for you have indeed changed. It is our intention to spare you, if you prove loyal. So you will take no action of any kind against The Circle, and will continue to do your best work for us. In return, you’ll be given the chance to rise to a power-sharing position. Your being brought here has turned out to be a fortuitous event for you. Do you understand? BRAIN: I understand. (Big Guy deactivates the modifier, and deftly turns it in another direction.) BRAIN: (glancing either way, as if just noticing the holding field is gone) Am I free to go, then? BIG GUY: Your parole period isn’t up yet, Brain- though you have made a promising beginning here. General, would you please escort our guest back to his room? (Fahrenheit keeps the control-box trained on Brain, as the General lifts the carrying cage from beneath the counter and sets it next to Brain. Brain enters it without complaint.) (As the General carries Brain down the hallway toward the Lab, Brain smiles grimly to himself.) BRAIN: (thinking) Apparently, it has not occurred to any of them, that the audio-command-modifier can be structured to work only on Humans. WIPE TO: The limo and sedan, now under early morning sunlight. The humans are inside their respective vehicles, the Goodfeathers just completing their tire-changing task. Unnoticed by anyone, a bored-looking Pinky and Billie climb onto the limousine roof, and flop down as though to catch some rays.) PINKY: (low voice) Have we got enough information yet, Billie? BILLIE: (equally low) I’m not sure. That Melissa’s a cagey one- gives answers willingly, but phrases ‘em so you don’t really learn anything. But there’s definitely *something* up with this... (hearkens to the sound of the limo’s hood latch being thrown) Hey! What’s goin’ on up front? (The mice quietly make their way forward, to see the Goodfeathers clustered beneath the now-opened hood) SQUIT: Hey, Pesto! You sure you know what you’re doing? PRESTO: Of course I know! I’m rewiring their limo, like the Godpigeon says! Next thing ya know, we’re gone far away, an’ this car goes kablooie! Heh heh... BOBBY: Hey-yo, not so loud over dere! You want they should hear us? (Pinky and Billie exchange an alarmed glance, then Billie takes Pinky’s arm and hurries him to the other end of the limo and down to the ground.) BILLIE: That does it- we’re definitely outta here! (They pause, as the Godfather steps from the limo and approaches the front. The Goodfeathers hastily close the hood.) BOBBY: (grinning like crazy) Hiya there, Mr. C! We was jus’ checkin’ the oil and water fer ya. GODFATHER: (looking over each of the tires) You have completed the requested repairs, my little winged friends? PRESTO: Uh, yeah.. heh-heh! GODFATHER: (turning toward the mice) Then let us be on our way to Washington... MEL: (abruptly emerging from the sedan) Hold it, Mr. Corleone. I think it would be appropriate for our three mechanics here to test-start the limo, to make sure their repairs are up to par. (Pinky and Billie promptly retreat to the far side of Melissa’s sedan. The Godfather, evidentially detecting something in her tone, does the same at a more leisurely pace.) PRESTO: (nervous) Uh, that ain’t necessary, Melly... I think the car looks ta be in good shape, don’t you agree, guys? SQUIT & BOBBY: (even more nervous) Yeah, sure, you bet! MEL: I’m afraid I must insist. We want to be sure there’s no potential problems from your repairs, before it’s too late to fix them. (Stoops to look the pigeons straight in the eye) (very sternly) Do I make myself clear?! (The Goodfeathers glance worriedly at each other... then, having no choice, get into the limo’s driver seat. Squit grips the steering wheel with his beak, Bobby positions himself near the floor pedals, Pesto at the ignition.) BOBBY: (sotto) Let’s just hope Pesto *didn’t* know what he was doin’... (Outside, Mel hastens behind the sedan and ducks, motioning for the Godfather to do the same.) (Pesto, visibly sweating, gingerly starts to turn the key...) KAHH-BOOOMMM!!! (The usual Flash and billowing smoke cloud. Small bits of debris shower down on our group; beyond then a bumper clangs to earth.) (As the boom fades, the humans and mice cautiously emerge from behind the sedan, to view the smoking crater where the limo was. Bobby, Pesto, and Squit stand there, burnt to an extreme crisp.) BOBBY: Ooooohh... ba-da-bing! (flops over) SQUIT: Bang-up job, Pesto... erk... (does the same) PRESTO: Whaddya... mean.. by that...? Ewwee...(follows their example) PINKY: (impressed) Naaaarrrfff! GODFATHER: What a shame! I had some of my favorite CDs in there. BILLIE: (sharply, to Melissa) Me an’ Pinky overheard those guys rigging that car- but how did *you* know? An’ if you were in on it, why’d ya drag us outta harm’s way?! MEL: I wasn’t in on it- but I had a feeling from the start, that the Godpigeon’s intentions weren’t the best. And when I noticed those three feather-dusters doing some unauthorized work under the front hood, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. Why don’t we go now? (opens the sedan door invitingly) PINKY: (suspicious) Wait a minute! How do you know *you* aren’t planning to do something reeeeally bad to us, too? BILLIE: Yeah! I’ve been suspicious of this whole set-up from the word go- how *do* we know you’re on the level? MEL: (smiling) Because I’ll be in the same car. (She climbs into the driver’s seat) GODFATHER: The young lady has a point- it’s unlikely she’d blow up a vehicle while she’s in it. (He gets into the sedan. The mice look to each other, shrug, and follow him. The sedan drives away, leaving behind the smoldering remains of both limo and Goodfeathers.) MEL’S VO: On to Washington D.C., then. Where all our mettle will be needed to face what The Circle throws at us, as we settle our individual scores... |
