| PART III: The Thrilling, Chilling, and
Fairly Filling Conclusion! [Dissolve to a WB Sound Stage, set up to shoot yet another 'Pokémon Tournament.' The Director and filming crew are standing by. Two of Pokémon's "human" stars, Ash and Misty, kneel beside a grouchy-looking PikaBrain.] ASH: [Coaxing] Come on, Pikachu! Make some sounds for us. PIKABRAIN: [Grudgingly] Squeak, squeak. Chitter, chitter. MISTY: No, we mean those cute 'puppy' noises, like you always do! DIRECTOR: [Impatiently] Exactly what is the holdup? ASH: I don't know! Something's gotten into Pikachu! MISTY: Yeah- he just isn't himself today. Maybe he's sick... DIRECTOR: [Checking his watch] We can't waste any more time- let's move on to the Meowth scenes. Where is he? [Right on cue, Yakkoth struts onto the set, nattily using his claws to comb back his whiskers.] YAKKOTH: I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille! MISTY: [Surprised] Meowth! What's the matter with your voice? YAKKOTH: Don't like it? Not to worry- I've got others! [He lifts a hand to flick an imaginary cigar beside his mouth, as he does his best Groucho Marx impression.] Has anyone ever told you you look like the Prince of Wales? ASH: That's another wrong voice! YAKKOTH: [Discarding 'cigar'] Okay; so maybe vocal impersonations aren't my strong suit. But get a load of my two-places-at-once bit, Kids! [Yakkoth shudders all over, looks about to see he's still where he was.] Nuts! I guess Pokémon can't do that gag. I'll just have to go around the long way! [Yakkoth goes into the 'Fast Moving Pokémon' animation, and is fascinated by all the fast-moving lights (the only things that *DO* move on that show...)] YAKKOTH: Impressive! Especially considering I'm only traveling a few feet! [He comes to a stop at the other side of Ash and Misty] Ta-Da! [Ash and Misty gape at him. Yakkoth leans against Ash's shoulder.] YAKKOTH: Can I ask you a personal question? How come when you open your mouth, your lower jaw disappears? VOICE FROM OTHER END OF ROOM: Hey! We've got another fire over here! [Everyone turns to see smoke billowing from a large trash barrel.] DIRECTOR: Again?! That does it- all non-essential personnel off this set until it's out. And until we've caught that arsonist dragon! [A few maintenance people grab extinguishers and head for the fire, everyone else vacates the premises. PikaBrain lifts his nose to sniff, and promptly bounds over to a leaning stack of backdrops. Behind it sits Slapmeleon, chuckling.] SLAPMELEON: Hey-hey! There ain't gonna be any Pokey-fights filmed here today! PIKABRAIN: Was that really necessary, Slappy? SLAPMELEON: You bet it was! I had a peek at the script- they were gonna have me lose! PIKABRAIN: You actually read the script? That'd be a first... Yakko, did you and your siblings retrieve your key? YAKKOTH: Yup...here it is... [Hands it over to Brain.] PIKABRAIN: Splendid. [Turns to Pinky] And the rabbits? PINKY: We haven't heard anything from them since they left, General Brain. PIKABRAIN: Hm...very well, Courier Pinky. I think you've earned a subsistence break. [Points out a box full of doughnuts, on the floor beside the Director's chair. Pinky's face lights up, and he races over to it.] YAKKOTH: [Feeling his own stomach] Come to think of it, I could stand to have a snack just about now! [He follows Pinky.] FLAME: Can we get a doughnut too, Aunt Slappy? Please please please? SLAPMELEON: All right, Kid. But only if ya promise ta brush your teeth after... [Doubletake] Never mind. [Slapmeleon walks off. No sooner is she gone, when a heavily-gloved hand reaches from a prop closet and grabs PikaBrain by the scruff of the neck.] PIKABRAIN: Aaahh...! [PikaBrain is snatched inside the closet, where he finds himself being held face to face with an angry Zalgar, who is fully encased in an insulative suit.] ZALGAR: The general opinion is that you can't speak, but I believe you're more intelligent than you let on. So I'm only going to ask this once: Where did you stow that lab mouse's body?? [PikaBrain nonchalantly swings his tail forward and, with a few quick strokes, saws a large hole in the front of Zalgar's protective suit.] ZALGAR: Oh, dear... [PikaBrain delivers a jolt which lights Zalgar up like an X-ray] YEEEOOOWW! [The electrical aura goes off, leaving Zalgar blackened from head to foot. PikaBrain jumps down, and glares at Zalgar as if daring him to try that again.] ZALGAR: [Smoldering, in every sense] All right, you fugitive from a saccharin-toy factory. You win this round, but there will be others! [Zalgar stalks off, trailing smoke whisps. PikaBrain looks himself over thoughtfully.] PIKABRAIN: [Thinking] There are definite advantages to being in this body. Perhaps I should consider keeping it after this operation is complete... it may even enable me to Take Over the World! [Meanwhile, Zalgar reaches a nearby office and, discarding his ruined suit, sits at a computer terminal.] ZALGAR: [Typing] Those 'Pokémon' vermin are unaccountably popular- there should be numerous Internet web pages with information about them. [He finds one with a picture of Pikachu at the top, and eagerly reads the text.] ZALGAR: [Grinning fiendishly] So! That electrical rodent does have a vulnerability- if he expels too much voltage too fast, he faints! [Rubbing hands] I'll get what I want from him yet! [Cut back to Slappy and the gang, still eating donuts] SLAPMELEON: So, how'd your mission go? WAKKLE: Well, we got the key, *AND* we got to pull a bunch of tired old Animaniacs/Pokémon pranks on on Splicer and the Monstars... FLAME: But didn't you risk revealing your true identities to them? DOTAIRY: Oh, that...well, they thought that and what few Animaniacs-type of gags we pulled were part of our "special Pokémon abilities"...and considering memorizing what *all* the Pokémons' abilities *are* seems to be slightly easier than guessing when the Cubs will win the World Series, who could blame 'em? FLAME: Oh... [Suddenly, PikaBrain is seen rushing over to the group] DOTAIRY: Hey, Brain, what happened to you? PIKABRAIN: I had a brief encounter with our "friend" Zalgar...he seems to suspect that we're more than we seem to be. We'd better be on our guard for any future encounters with him during our mission. RITAPUFF: Hmmm...speaking of the mission, just where are the rabbits at right now? [Pinky spits out his crueller...] PINKY: *Gasp* Buster! Babs! Bugs! Brain, do you think they're... PIKABRAIN: I'm sure they're quite all right, Pinky...remember, they have the greatest WB character of all time with them... PINKY: Gee, I suppose you're right...NARF! [Cut to the rabbits...we see that the menace they face is Dr. P, with Swackhammer in tow] DR. P: Hey, there you Pokémon fellows are! Kellner wants you guys on the set to finish shooting, so that he can start production on that new show starring my precious new-and-improved canine, Scout! BUGSRAN: [To himself] Talk about unnecessary expo... [The Monstar picks up our rabbit heroes, who remain silent, and carries them off to the set] BUSTERRAN: [Whispering] Bugs! What do we do now? We still haven't got the control keys! BUGSRAN: [Whispering] Just keep quiet, kid, and everything will be fine... [He slips a key out of the Monstar's pocket and winks at Buster.] [The Monstar carries the rabbits back to the studio, where they throw them onto the set with not much disregard for their being...they then leave and the other WB characters rush over to the rabbits] BUGSRAN: [Getting up and dusting himself off.] Eh, are you guys OK? YAKKOTH: Yeah, we're fine, Bugs! But what happened? BABSRAN: Well, you see... BUGSRAN: ...we got one of da other control key! [Holds it up to show to the group; the others smile] PIKABRAIN: Terrific! Although we're still one control key short...[Looking worried] and I have a sinking feeling I know who possesses it... SLAPMELEON: Um...Zalgar...? YAKKOTH: Sounds like a plot twist to me... PIKABRAIN: Hm...well, for the sake of moving the plot along, so you may all return to your regular bodies, I-- SLAPMELEON: Well, what're ya waitin' fer? Quit blabbin' an' go get the key! WAKKLE: I don't think he needs to go anywhere. OTHERS: Huh? [Wakkle points to Zalgar, fuming angry, marching toward our group of odd Pokémon/WB hybrids.] PIKABRAIN: Oh, drat. ZALGAR: [Holding up a computer printout] I know your secret, you flying rat! And now, it's time for you to receive your payback for zapping me! [Reaches his hand out to grab Brain.] [PikaBrain looks Zalgar straight in the eye.] PIKABRAIN: Do you really want to risk touching me, Zalgar? Even a full insulative suit didn't protect you last time... [Zalgar is brought up short by this. He ponders over PikaBrain. He first contemplates that voice for a moment, then looks PikaBrain straight in the eye.] ZALGAR: Brain...? Mu-ha-ha-ha-haaaa! Well, it would seem that you are in quite a position. Very well...howabout...a deal? PIKABRAIN: [Outraged] 'Deal'?! You believe I could consider the devouring of my cerebrum *Negotiable*?? ZALGAR: Your *original* cerebrum, Rodent. Not that conventionally-sized one you're presently occupying. [He reaches to tap PikaBrain's head, but thinks better of it.] As your current housing has demonstrably superior defenses, why not retain it, and use your former body as a commodity? I could consider trading it for...say, technology which will allow you to fulfill your ambition of Global Domination...? [PikaBrain looks astonished, his ears spreading into a wide V.] SLAPMELEON: [Indignant] Hey, who are ya tryin' ta fool, ya Evil ET? BUSTERRAN: Yeah! If you've really got the hardware to conquer the Earth, why haven't *you* done it? ZALGAR: [Impatiently stating the obvious] Because I have absolutely no desire to govern this backwater planet! I only drop by here to sample the cuisine- and have had an inordinate amount of difficulty doing that! So what is your decision, Brain? [PikaBrain, seemingly frozen in place, says nothing.] PINKY: Brain, you can't actually be considering this! PIKABRAIN: [Stunned] I'm... not sure. I had... given thought to the possibility of remaining a Pokémon, and if I do, there's really no rational reason, to not make the most advantageous use of what I no longer need. WAKKLE: But you're talking about letting this 'B-Movie' reject *eat* your rightful body- even I can't stomach that image! How can anything be worth that price?? YAKKOTH: And we'd miss the original you! And just think how Pinky will feel! ZALGAR: Pshaw! Rank sentimentality- Planetary Rulers are made of sterner stuff! If they really are fit to Rule. [Zalgar folds his arms, tapping one foot] I can't wait all day for your answer, Brain- what is it?? [PikaBrain sways slightly, weighing the arguments. His WB colleagues crowd closer around him, regarding him anxiously.] PIKABRAIN: [Dazed] I... ZALGER: Come now, Brain, surely someone of your own intellect would be able to make such a decision with ease! [Cut to inside PikaBrains mind. We see glowing representations of both Brain and Pikachu in the darkness] BRAIN'S THOUGHT: Yes, I *should* be able to decide with ease... Hmm... PIKACHU'S THOUGHT: Pika? BRAIN'S THOUGHT: Indeed... While your body may be formidable, this neural net is probably too small for the two of us. PIKACHU'S THOUGH: Pika. BRAIN'S THOUGHT: I suppose I could have you run through the gene splicer, but that might be too much of a risk. Very well, I must return to my own body... PIKACHU'S THOUGHT: Pika. [Meanwhile, Zalgar seems to be growing ever more impatient] BRAIN'S THOUGHT: But I can't tell *him* that... He'll most likely eat my brain either way... [Just then there's sounds of a crowd coming down the adjacent hallway. Frowning, Zalgar steps out of sight. A tour group passes by the soundstage door, led by Miss Information with her usual megaphone.] MISS INFO: We're walkin', we're walkin'...that set is closed due to fire damage, folks. But if you'll come this way, you'll get to see where they film Histeria! Follow me, y'all! We're walkin'... [The last members of the tour are a woman with a little boy. When they reach the door, the boy peeks inside, spots PikaBrain, and races to him squealing "Pikachoooo!" Before PikaBrain knows what's happening, he's scooped up into a tight hug.] BOY: You're my favoritest Pokémon, Pikachoo! I love you I love you I love you!! [PikaBrain scowls mightily. The other WBers, ignored, are unsure what to do.] WOMAN: [Coming in after the boy] Now, Bobby! We aren't supposed to be in here- put Pikachu down! BOY: Oh can't I keep 'im, Mommy? Plee-eese! WOMAN: [Kneeling by boy] No, Bobby- if we take their Pikachu, they won't be able to make any more shows about him! I'll get you a stuffed one at the studio gift shop. [Smiling at PikaBrain] You are an adorable little thing, aren't you? [She chucks PikaBrain under the chin, making little 'cooching' noises.] PIKABRAIN: [Through gritted teeth] Must... control... electric bolt... must not... zap... gushy tourists! [Finally the woman makes Bobby let go of PikaBrain, and leads him off by the hand.] WOMAN: Now let's hurry, or we'll miss Loud Kiddington! BOY: [Looking back, nearly in tears] Go'bye, Pikachooo! [With great dignity, PikaBrain pats his mussed fur back into place. Zalgar comes out of hiding as the WBers crowd close.] PINKY: Are you all right, Brain? PIKABRAIN: I'm better then all right, Pinky. I've had an epiphany. PINKY: A 'what' funny? PIKABRAIN: [To Pinky] I'll explain later. [To all] I've just realized: a white mouse with an oversized head and ears might be right on the margin of being too cute to effectively comand authority, but *this* form, [Waving hand to indicate the Pikachu body] is definitely *well over* that margin. I can't remain in this body or I'll never be taken seriously enough to become World Leader. [Turning to Zalgar] My decision is made, Zalgar. No Deal! ALL OTHER WBERS: YAAYYY!! ZALGAR: [Darkly] Very well. Then you leave me no alternative, but to use my back-up plan. [Zalgar stalks from the sound stage, as all the Pokémon hybrids take turns clapping PikaBrain on the back.] DOTAIRY: You had me worried for a minute there! PINKY: But you made the right choice in the end! PIKABRAIN: Thank you, Pinky... BUGSRAN: Hey, wait a minute- aren't we fergetting somethin'? Zalgar still has that thoid key! [The WBers look to each other, blink in unison.] DOTAIRY: Boy, we got skunked that time! PIKABRAIN: [Sighs] Then I guess we'll just have to go after him. Even if it means walking right into his 'back-up plan.' BABSRAN: But we've still got to try, or we'll never get our real bodies back! SLAPMELEON: Or even worse: those crummy writers'll come up with an even more contrived way to get us moving! ALL: Ain't it the truth! [They file out of the room.] BUSTERRAN: It isn't all bad- maybe now we'll get to try out these poison horns! [The WBers make their way down the hall, PikaBrain in front. He follows his nose to a door marked 'Wardrobe' and sniffs at the base.] PIKABRAIN: Zalgar is in there. And several other whose scents I can't identify- but it's a reasonable assumption they aren't allies. [Looking back at his group] Are we all ready for what could turn out to be a violent confrontation? [Pinky ties a cloth around his forehead, Rambo style, and test-swings a sturdy pencil. Busteran and Babsran finger the tips of their foremost horns; Bugsran swings his powerful tail. Yakkoth spreads his claws, Dotairy bounces excitedly. Slapmeleon casually puffs a gout of flame, which Wakkle puts it out with a squirt of water. RitaPuff holds her microphone between her hands, RuntDuck just smiles stupidly.] PIKABRAIN: [Raising his electrified tail] Then let's go. [They push open the door and troop inside, scanning the interior warily. It's crowded with clothing racks and full-length mirrors; no person is in view. PikaBrain, with a vigilant Pinky at his side, leads the way to the one cleared area in the room's center. He pauses and seems about to speak, when there's a sound overhead like a large zipper unfastening. They all look up, to see a big hanging canvas bag splitting open. Dozens of small red-and-white globes spill down on them. Pinky gasps, uses the pencil to bat away the spheres about to fall on PikaBrain.] PINKY: Those are Pokéballs- don't let them touch you! [Too late. Within seconds, six of the other WBers have been struck by a ball and magically sucked inside it. Bugsran manages to spring clear, Dotairy and Wakkle- who were furthest back- scramble away from the deluge. The laughing face of Zalgar appears between clothes racks. PikaBrain angrily shoots a bolt at him; when it hits there's the noise of a shattering mirror. Pinky races about, lifting globes and shaking them to determine which ones are occupied. PikaBrain sees Max step from behind a bureau, ready to hurl another ball. PikaBrain fires another bolt, which again breaks glass.] PIKABRAIN: This place is a house of mirrors! [He quickly glances around, sees he can't retreat for he's encircled by great numbers of Pokéballs. He spots Bugsran and the two remaining Warners on the other side of that barrier.] PIKABRAIN: Bugs! Get those kids away- somewhere out of reach of the balls! [Even as he speaks, Axel appears with throwing arm pulled back. PikaBrain hurls another glass-shattering bolt, staggers.] What's happening to me...? BUGSRAN: [Looking to the wall and sighting a ventillator grid] Ah, air vents- the answer to everything! [Bugsran quickly herds Dotairy and Wakkle into the vent, their way lit by still more electrical flashes.] [Pinky, his arms somehow loaded with six Pokéballs, hurries up to PikaBrain.] PINKY: I've got 'em all- let's get out of here! [Cranes his head around his load to see PikaBrain groggily collapsing to the floor.] Brain! What's wrong?!? PIKABRAIN: [Weakly] I must have run down my batteries... Get our friends to safety, Pinky! It's the only way you can help me now... [Pinky hesitates, looking stricken. PikaBrain discharges a very small shock which gets Pinky moving, but causes him to drop one ball. As Pinky halts to retrieve it, Beanie Bison's arm reaches for him from between some hanging dresses.] PIKABRAIN: [Rallying] No! [Gathering the last of his energy, PikaBrain sends a final bolt against Beanie's hand. Beanie yelps, snatching back his arm. Pinky runs to the air vent with his full load and ducks inside. PikaBrain manages to keep his eyes open just long enough to confirm the escape... then he passes out.] [Inside the ventillation system, Pinky climbs a slanting duct, and finds the three other 'survivors' there, all peering out a grid high on the Wardrobe room wall. Pinky joins them, just in time to see Zalgar, Max, Axel, Sid and Beanie [the latter clutching his hand] come out from their hiding places behind the racks. The villains converge around the unconscious PikaBrain. Zalgar picks up the limp form with mock tenderness.] ZALGAR: Ah, Brain- I think before long you're going to wish you'd accepted my previous offer. [Loudly, addressing the unseen watchers] Alright, you few that got away- we have demands, and you'd better be prepared to meet them if you ever want to see your precious tangerine friend again!! [Zalgar awaits a reply] Very well then, I assure you all that your friend will suffer for your silence! You have three hours to turn over those bodies, or Brain's new residence shall suffer some *fascinating* new ways to die! [More silence] [Trying to think] Or maybe even a fate *worse* than death! [Sound of crickets chirping] ZALGAR: Oh fine, enough with these villainous clichés! Remember, three hours... or maybe less! Ha! [Cut ahead to Zalgar, in a fancy dining room. The table is set, but empty. On the table is the third key. Next to the table, PikaBrain is held in an elaborate contraption which is draining his electrical buildup] ZALGAR: It won't be long Brain! Once your friends return the bodies, I can finally have my little feast! PIKABRAIN: Zalgar, what am I doing *here*? I would have thought your security would be higher… ZALGAR: Really, Brain... You're here to witness your own brain being eaten! I hate to dine alone! Besides, if your friends decide to attempt a rescue, they'll certainly look in the lab, not in the dining room!! PIKABRAIN: And you'll still have your hostage, and the final key... ZALGER: Exactly! Oh, and did I forget to mention the traps I placed for your friends? PIKABRAIN: Yes, you did... [A phone in the corner of the room rings] ZALGER: Drat... just when I was going to recite the brilliant speech of further clichés I wrote just for this occasion! [Picking up the phone] Hello? [Over the phone, we hear Dr. Phrankenstein, sounding upset] DR P: We're having some... Err, *technical* difficulties with Scout. We need an extra set of hands. ZALGAR: [Sarcastically] I trust you'll guard the keys for me Brain? It's not like anyone will come looking for you here! [Cut to Drs. P & Splicer in the lab. Scout runs around wildly, zooming up and down walls and splatting his face in pies.] DR. P: Oh, my poor baby! What's wrong?! SPLICER: There, there, honey, it'll be alright. [Zalgar comes in just as they start to get kissy.] ZALGAR: If you're going to start that again, I'm going to return to gloating over my hostage! DR. P: You've got to help! My wittle Scout over here [points to Scout in front of them] is having troubles! ZALGAR: Over there? But...he's over here! [Points behind them. Scout stands there.] DRS. P & SPLICER: Huh?! [Pull back to reveal that Scout is in two places at once] SPLICER: Oh, dear! It appears that those blasted cartoon stars' traits have rubbed off on Scout. Only natural, considering that they had been inhabiting his body... DR. P: We've gotta help him! [Sobs.] SPLICER: Fear not, my dear. There may be a way. Zalgar, help me catch him. ZALGAR: Very well. But then I'm returning to wait for my dinner! SPLICER: After he's captured, we won't need you. The good doctor and I will perform surgery. [Hugs Dr. P] Then he'll be back to normal. I promise! DR. P: Oooh, goody! [Cut to Pinky & the three remaining Pokémon. Each of those three carry a ball each with their stubby arms. Pinky struggles with the rest.] WAKKLE: Why is Yakko trapped inside the ball, but we're free out here? DOTAIRY: Because Yakko already had his big scene on the sound stage... SLAPMELEON: [Inside ball] Hey! Lemme outta this 'ere thing! BUSTERRAN: [Inside ball] Aw, and I never got to use my horns... YAKKOTH: [Inside ball] Hey, whose foot is in my eye?! Oh, wait, I'm the only one in here... RITAPUFF: [Inside ball] I can't even move! How are we supposed to fit into such tiny balls?! This isn't possible! RUNTDUCK: [Inside ball] It's just a cartoon, Rita. Definitely, definitely just a cartoon... BUGSRAN: Not even! It's a [shudder] fanfic! DOTAIRY: Look! I see a light! BABSRAN: [Inside ball. Doing a Heavenly Voice.] Go to the light... WAKKLE: Hey, that's a vent! BUGSRAN: It's our ticket outta here! C'mon! [They all follow Bugsran to the vent. He pushes it open and they all zoom out. They fall a few feet, and end up flat on their faces. The Pokéballs roll around a bit. The free members of the group look up.] PINKY: [Gasps] You! [Cut back to Scout. He suddenly screeches to a halt.] SCOUT - ELMYRA'S VOICE: Heeeeyyyyy, waitaminnit! There's no more cute cartoonies in here! I'm the only one! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, no more fuzzy-wuzzies! SPLICER: Hm...it would appear that Elmyra is still present, and is competing with the 'cartoony' personality that rubbed off from the others. Dr. P, set up the operating table! I have a feeling that if we don't capture this fellow soon, there will be disastrous results... ZALGAR: [Sighs] Very well, let's get this over with... SCOUT - ELMYRA'S VOICE: Oooo, cute little alienhead brain-eating man, I'm gonna squeeze you till your head explodes! [Commences that unpleasant process.] [The other personality seems to resurface. He stops squeezing Zalgar.] Hm...I have the sudden urge to smash into a wall. [Does so. He then smashes his head into another pie.] Mmmm....chockit pie... [The three villains glance at each other.] ZALGAR: Be afraid. Be *VERY* afraid... [Cut to Pinky, Dotairy, Wakkle and Bugsran on the floor of a storage room, among the dropped Pokéballs. The person facing them is, of course, the Hooded Figure.] PINKY: [Very upset] Oh, Mysterious Ally, you've got to help us! Most of our friends are trapped inside these balls! [Much calmer] Oh, wait- it won't be hard to get them out. You just have to pitch the balls! DOTAIRY: But the Bad Guys have captured Brain, and they're threatening to kill him by slow and hideous means, if we don't deliver our original bodies to them! HOODED FIGURE: I've already learned this- I possess a talent for slipping in and out of places unnoticed. But never fear! I know where Zalgar is keeping Brain. To rescue him, we must contact your other human ally, Don Corleone. WAKKLE: Er, we aren't exactly sure where he went... HOODY: I am. He's been keeping guard over your bodies in the basement. WAKKLE: The *basement*? He sure didn't go very far! BUGSRAN: Eh…makes sense to me. Dat way he don’t hafta haul dem heavy bodies all over da place… HOODY: So I assume. And, luckily, I know something else, about Zalgar. [He leans down and whispers. The listening WBers look newly hopeful.] [Dissolve to PikaBrain alone in the dining room, making a valiant effort to twist free of his suspension harness. He only succeeds in exhausting himself.] PIKABRAIN: [Breathing hard] Infernal contraption! It's draining my energies so effectively, I can't even build up enough strength to escape the normal way... [Zalgar walks back in, muttering irritably.] ZALGAR: I don't think much of the way this place is run- one Emergency situation after another! On my planet, people can be composted for such inefficiency. [Sitting at table] Now where was I? Ah, yes! [Lifting the relevant utensils] Tell me, Brain, would you prefer I use a melon-scoop or a sterling silver pie-server to extract your cerebrum? PIKABRAIN: [Tired] Zalgar, have you ever considered seeking professional help? This obsession with ingesting my grey-matter makes Captain Ahab's monomania look relatively mild. ZALGAR: Of course I've sought relief for this condition- and I've reason to believe I'm about to receive it! [Sound of a knock at the door] [Calling] And who might you be? GODFATHER'S VOICE: I have a delivery for Zalgar, from the remaining WB characters. [PikaBrain's ears prick up in recognition. Zalgar, frowning suspiciously, draws his Acme Scrooch Gun™.] ZALGAR: Just bring it in here and put it down! [The Godfather enters, lifts Brain's body from his coat pocket, and casually sets it on Zalgar's plate. PikaBrain watches closely but, suspecting a trick, says nothing.] ZALGAR: [Wolfishly] Ah, at last! The fruit of all my efforts- Earth's ultimate Gloat Cuisine! [In the manner of a wine fancier, Zalgar uses both hands to delicately lift the body to his nose and sniff deeply... and suddenly appears repelled.] What is this vile odor?! [As he speaks, green splotches break out on his face and hands.] GODFATHER: [Pulling a chocolate-smeared napkin from his pocket] Probably the rumballs. I've been keeping 'em in the same pocket. [Zalgar's jaw drops to his chest, as his eyes bug out and turn bright green.] ZALGAR: IMBECILE! I Am Violently Allergic To Chocolate!!! [Seized by nausea, Zalgar claps a hand over his mouth and flees the room. As he races past, the Godfather deftly reaches to pluck back Brain's body.] GODFATHER: [Sympathetic] Poor fellow. I'd hate to go through life with that allergy. [Stepping to the energy-draining apparatus, Godfather frees PikaBrain and tucks him into the crook of his arm.] PIKABRAIN: My gratitude, Mr. Corleone. [Glancing to the table] Don't forget that key- we need it! [Godfather picks up the key, and they proceed from the room.] PIKABRAIN: Where are the others? GODFATHER: All in the lab, setting up for the re-transference. Hopefully we'll be finished before the bad guys catch on. PIKABRAIN: No matter if they do. I have thought of a method to incapacitate all our enemies at once, and it will require everyone's participation. [They pass through the doorway; PikaBrain's last words fade down the hallway.] Did you happen to have any UV-protective glasses in your possession...? [Cut to the lab, where the WBers are still getting ready to transfer themselves to their normal bodies. The Hooded Figure is pitching the last of the Pokéballs, to release Yakkoth. Hoody throws it; the usual "I choose you" effects follow. Yakkoth flies out, and lands clumsily on his head] YAKKOTH: Can't you throw those things any gentler? I'm not used to this body... HOODY: Sorry bout that, it's the only way to activate the ball. PIKABRAIN: Don't worry, we'll all be back in our own bodies soon enough. GODFATHER: I don't know about that, my little friend. PIKABRAIN: Why do you say that? [The Godfather points to the door. Standing there are *all* the bad-guys, fully armed with scrooch guns and Pokéballs] ZALGAR: Ha! I see you almost made it, weenies! Making use of my chocolate allergies did you no good! KELLNER: Yes, I'm afraid your escape attempt is futile! By tomorrow, I'll have you all back inside Scout for my new show! POKÉ-WARNERS: [Annoying voices] Oh no you won't... KELLNER: Yes I will! POKÉ-WARNERS: Oh no you won't... KELLNER: YES I WILL!!! POKÉ-WARNERS: [Louder, and more annoyingly] Oh no you won't... KELLNER: Enough of this! We have the tactical advantage, it's over! PIKABRAIN: Everyone, I think it's *time*... [Pinky, Hoody, and the Godfather pull out a set of Ray-ban™ Sunglasses] SPLICER: [Sarcasticly] Ha! What are you planning to do? Erase our memories? Ha ha! WAKKLE: Well, not exactly... PINKY: [To the camera] All you readers who are sitting close to your screens...move back! YAKKOTH: Cue the visual effects! [The WBers all do their Pokémon attack sequences, causing rapidly-flashing, multi-color lights to glare all over. The bad guys go into epileptic fits] DOTAIRY: I do hope we aren't being too insensitive to people who suffer from epilepsy. YAKKOTH: They'll understand it's all in self-defense...besides, this is poking fun at Pokémon more than at them. [The flashy effects end, leaving the villains on the floor, dazed] BUGSRAN: [Reading a piece of paper] Eh...Kids' WB! does not assume responsibility for heart problems, epileptic fits, overturned beds, or footprints on ceiling. BABSRAN: So what'll we do with 'em? SLAPMELEON: Throw them in the cages. If it's good enough fer us, it's good enough fer them! FLAME: Yeah! GODFATHER: I'll lock them in, while you folks set things up to return to your bodies. Oh, and someone call 911, these folks will need medical attention. PINKY: I will, NARF! [Don Corleone drags them off to the cages] PIKABRAIN: [To Pinky] And be sure to call the proper authorities, and Max's parents. PINKY: [Leaving with the Hooded Figure] Alright Brain! [When Pinky returns, everyone is back in their original bodies, celebrating] PINKY: [Sniffing Brain] Ooo, Brain, kudos on your new chocolatey fragrance! TROZ! BRAIN: I must admit, it is a rather pleasant aroma... [A figure in a darkened corner of the room clears his throat. All turn to see Hoody. Pinky approaches him, and extends his hand. The figure shakes it, and shakes Pinky in the process.] PINKY: [While being shaken up and down.] Thank you very much, for, er…everything! Won’t you come celebrate with us? *TROZ*! HOODY: The invitation is much appreciated, but I think I’d best be on my way… The winds are changing, and I must take my leave. My work here is done. SLAPPY: What’re you talking about? You didn’t do anything! HOODY: Didn’t I? [He walks quietly into the shadows.] SLAPPY: [Shouting after him.] No, ya didn’t! All you’ve done is stand around here and complicate things further! Eh, lousy schnook… RITA: Who was he, anyways? PINKY: Umm... I don't know, but he left us this. POIT! [Pinky pulls out a rosebud, which the others contemplate thoughtfully] [Cut to Sharklady, rubbing hands over her keyboard, a maniacal glint in her eye.] SHARKLADY: Okay! I've got an idea now that played well in the Chat Room test market- so here goes! [She types...] [Cut to the still-jubilant cartoon critters, and the Godfather, leaving the Lab. In the corridor, they come face-to-face with a contrastingly miserable-looking Scout.] SCOUT - ELMYRA'S VOICE: [Wailing] Mousey Big Head, I'm tired of walking on four feets, an' my stomach hurts, an' my head hurts, an' I'm hooomesick! BRAIN: [After a moment's thought] I suppose it would be unjustifiably cruel, to ignore this situation. PINKY: [Gratified] Aww, Brain, I knew you'd forgive Elmyra someday! BRAIN: [Dryly] I meant, it would be cruel to Scout. [Addressing Bugs] Could you take Elmyra's body out of storage, and reunite it with her so-called mind? BUGS: Sure, Doc! [Taking Scout's collar and guiding the dog back inside the Lab] Come on, Kid; we'll get ya fixed up. [A well-to-do couple come hurrying over.] MAN: [To Godfather] Are you the one who called us? We're here to collect our son! GODFATHER: I'll fetch him. And, we have another child who's going to need a lift. [As the Godfather steps away, Max's parents look over the WB-Pokémon group disapprovingly.] WOMAN: No wonder our darling Maximillian is getting into trouble- hanging around with such rabble! [The WBers return the couple's glare as though thinking the same thing.] [There's sounds of the Machine being activated, and turned off. Max appears, with the newly-restored Elmyra clinging to his arm.] ELMYRA: [Coquettishly] Oh, Maxie Waxie, we get to take a loooong car ride together! This is going to be sooo much fun! [As his parents escort the kids out, Max's expression suggests he's heading for his Just Punishment, and then some.] RUNT: Heh-heh, serves him right, definitely, definitely serves 'em right!! [Remembering something] Though it's really Kellner who deserves it more... RITA: You're right! Kellner's responsible for this whole ordeal! I'd like to know just what he had in mind?? [The Godfather and Bugs come back, Godfather dragging Kellner by the back of his jacket.] BUGS: As it happens, so do we! [All the characters regard Kellner angrily.] YAKKO: [Tapping foot] Well, Kellner? What have you got to say for yourself? KELLNER: [Evidentally trying to brazen it out] Everything I did was for the good of this company- sometimes you have to risk unpopularity for that! The potential ratings boost from an All Pokémon line-up would... MEOWTH: Hey, Mr. Programming Genius; did it ever occur to you that maybe we Pokémon don't want that? For one thing, we're already busy enough, with all the ad campaigns and merchandising tie-ins! For another, after a hard day of promoting, we *like* to be able to sit down to a funny cartoon or two! PIKACHU: Pika! [Dumbfounded, Kellner gapes at the crowd of intermingled Pokemon and WBers, all nodding.] KELLNER: You mean... you're in agreement on this?? MEOWTH: Yes, we are! Otherwise doya think we could've worked so well together? BABS: WB characters and Pokémon working side by side...sort of encouraging, yet more than a little disturbing... KELLNER: Well then... [Voice changing to one we're heard elsewhere] You've all learned a gosh-darn Importaint Lesson, about the value of Co-Opper-A-Shun! ['Kellner' yanks off his full head mask- he's Baloney!] ALL WBERS: AAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!! [The Pokémon appear puzzled by this reaction.] SLAPPY: [Incensed, pulling an improbably large bundle of TNT from her purse] You mean you put us through this, just ta teach a crummy Social Values lesson??! I oughttta....! BALONEY: [Laughing] Now, Miss Squirrel, how can you be angry about that? Haven't you just been having the gosh-oh-gee Funnest Time of your life, setting things on fire? [Slappy's eyes expand as if she's about to explode under he own power... then she stuffs the dynamite back into her purse and stomps off.] SLAPPY: [Fuming] I *hate* it when that overgrown salamander is right! C'mon, Skippy- we're outta here! [Exeunt. Skippy waves good-by to Charmeleon before following his aunt.] WAKKO: [To Dot] Shall we use the anvils instead? DOT: [Sighs] Don't bother. Remember what happened last time? WAKKO: Oh, right! BALONEY: [Spreading his arms wide] And now, let's all sing a neat-o Wonderful Song, about what we've learned today! [The WBers recoil, the Pokémon look intrigued and walk over to join Baloney.] BUSTER: Hey, they like him! BABS: Why am I not surprised...? BRAIN: Then this is where we must part company. GODFATHER: I'll summon my limo to give you guys a ride home. [As the WBers start to walk away, Baloney and all the Pokémon join hands in a circle, and Baloney starts to sing.] BALONEY: [Sung] YAKKO: At least it's not "The Imagine Song"... [Fade into the next day, where we see the entire gang on the backstage set of The Daily Show...] BRAIN: You're sure our surprise appearance on this cable television program will ensure the success of our direct to video movie? YAKKO: Sure it will! SLAPPY: I'm just glad it's not another promo for that Catty Cornered Birdie---*THAT STUPID CLIP SHOW*! WAKKO: Me, too...*you* try belching out the title of that thing! SKIPPY: *Speeew*! No thanks! BRAIN: Just think, my brilliant escapades only available for viewing on that sliced, diced, and Julianned insipid clip show of Kellner's... [The whole gang looks down on the floor, and sighs...] YAKKO: Well, let's not lose hope, guys! We're not washed up yet! C'mon, let's go shamelessly promote our video on a cheesy cable interview show! ALL: YEAH! [Cut ahead to Yakko, Wakko, Dot, Pinky, Brain, Slappy, Skippy, Rita, Runt, Bugs, Buster, & Babs, walking out of the building where they film The Daily Show.] YAKKO: Well, sibs, this was supposedly the first Animaniacs chain-link thing to have a plot. What do you say? DOT: Actually, it seemed like it had *MORE* pointless metahumor jokes than usual, not to mention all the references to previous fanfics… BRAIN: If this story had any more of a point than the others, I'd like to know what it is! RITA: Yeah! We wasted all that time fighting Kellner, then we find out it was…Baloney! SLAPPY: And that means that we didn't change a thing over at the Network…we *STILL* have the same crummy fall lineup! BUSTER: All we got was a stupid morality lesson from everyone's favorite giant orange polyester dinosaur! YAKKO: Well…there's always…the future! [Raises his eyebrows.] WAKKO: Look for "The Once and Future Warners", coming soon to a WBC fanfic page near you! [Dot glares at him for yet another gratuitous fanfic reference.] BABS: So, we've decided that there was absolutely no point to this thing? DOT: Like that hasn't been driven into the ground enough… SLAPPY: Well, we spent most of the fanfic either tied up, inside some monster dog, or melded with a "Pokémon" thingee…it was degrading, the "plot" moved slower than a pickup truck in quicksand, and I spent half the time arguing with Rita and trying to figure out the title of that Cockamie Screwy Hooey Olsen Twin-y Big Spitooey Thing. And after all that, we ended up exactly where we began. But I can say one good thing about this story. OTHERS: What? SLAPPY: It's over! OTHERS: YYYYYAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!! BRAIN: Now let's get out of here! Where is that Godfather? PINKY: Here he comes! POIT! [The Godfather drives into view in his limo. He opens the door and all our characters get in.] GODFATHER: Where to? YAKKO: Burbank! WAKKO: Yeah! The Studio has given us our jobs back! DOT: For no apparent reason… BRAIN: So now you're truly right back where you began… WAKKO: It's like the Circle of Li— [Dot covers his mouth.] DOT: Please don't. The last thing we need is a pointless Disney reference… WAKKO: [Mouth still covered.] Mm-hm. [We cut to outside the limo. As they drive out of NYC, they pass all the famous landmarks and we see the city in all its beauty and splendor at sunset. They then exit the city, and are driving off into the sunset, heading to California. We hear them arguing as they go off into the distance.] YAKKO: Hey, move your leg! DOT: No, you move your leg! SLAPPY: [Arguing with Rita] Hey, I thought "Bully for Skippy" was a decent cartoon with a nice jab at the FCC! Much better than "The Cat and the Fiddle"! RITA: Oh, yeah? [Begins singing] Meeee-ow! Me-ow, me-ow, me-ow, me-ow, me-ow, ow, ow, ow! SLAPPY: Ah, stop! STOP!!! DOT: [Arguing with Yakko] You started it! YAKKO: Oh, yeah, started what? This is the line! Don't you cross that line! DOT: You're not the boss of me! WAKKO: I've gotta potty!!! BRAIN: It's going to be a loooooooong ride... [As the car rides off into the sunset, we hear all the characters still bickering. Cut to our mysterious Hooded Figure, walking contemplatively through a quiet New England-type woods, with the leaves turning the colors of fall. An autumn wind blows through his robe. He stops for a moment, then lifts his hood off. It’s Leonard Nimoy.] LEONARD NIMOY: [Addressing us.] Well, somebody had to end this thing! Oh, and by the way--there is a multilegged creature crawling on your shoulder. [Pulls his hood back up, and walks off into the distance chuckling.] [Ending notes from music, fade out.] [END OF PART THREE] |
