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The WBC Reluctantly Presents
A BRAINATRA / MARINARO / ROMEY / WESTON Production
YAKKO WAKKO & DOT WARNER in

THIRTY-NINE CHARACTERS IN SEARCH OF A PLOT

Also Starring  PINKY & THE BRAIN  BUGS BUNNY  BUSTER & BABS BUNNY (No Relation)  SLAPPY & SKIPPY SQUIRREL  RITA & RUNT  -- And a Cast of Thousands! (Give or Take…)

Written by  "BRAINATRA"  "ROMEY"  CRAIG MARINARO   JENNIFER "SHARKLADY" WESTON  "DOT"  JOHN "CAPT. CAPS" KILDUFF  GERARD MOTOLA

Edited by  CRAIG M. J. MARINARO

PART I: Captured!

[Open in a dark room. We close in on the only illuminated part of the room, a small desk. Here sits world-famous documentary narrator Leonard Nimoy, star of stage, screen, and Star Trek. He has an open book in front of him.]

LEONARD NIMOY: Greetings. I'm Leonard Nimoy. You may remember me from such documentaries as Hasidism in America and The New York Stock Exchange: A Portrait. The story you're about to hear is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the *real* truth? The answer...is no. Our story begins in a small town. It could be any small town! It could be your small town! It could be my small town! But it isn't. In fact, it isn't even a small town. It's a large city, known as Burbank…

[Fade in on the WB Studios. We pan across the lot, and into Plotzy's office, where Yakko, Wakko, Dot, and Chicken Boo are hard at work...]

YAKKO: [Cracks his back.] Ah, TGIF! See you guys on Monday!

WAKKO: But it's ten in the morning!

DOT: Not to mention that it's Tuesday…besides, we don't even *HAVE* a job!

YAKKO: Ah, You take the fun out of everything.

DOT: Oh? What about the time I dumped forty tons of shaving cream on Mr. Director's head?

YAKKO: Oh, yeah...never mind.

WAKKO: Shaving cream? I don't remember that...

DOT: Yes you do...we sang a song!

YAKKO: Oh! NOW I remember!

WARNERS: [Singing the "Shaving Cream Song"]:
Mr. Director fell out of the window
We thought that his head would be split
But good luck was with him that morning
He landed in a big pile of....shaving cream! Be nice an---

PLOTZ: [Bursts into the office] What are you kids doing?!?!?

YAKKO: [Á la "Sound of Warners"] Eeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa little help?

BOO: Buck-CAW!!!

YAKKO: Perfect.

PLOTZ: What is *THIS*?! [Picks up a cut-out from the desk. It's one of those things that starts as one person, but unfolds into a string of little people, holding hands.]

DOT: Oh…that's just a little project we're working on…

PLOTZ: [Reading the print on the back.] Requested budget for costumes, sets, actors' pay…J. Cameron…WHAT?! This was my contract to produce the biggest film ever to be made!!!!!!! From the makers of Titanic, Hindenberg: The Movie!!! And it's gone…noooooooo….[Sobs] THAT'S IT!!!!!!! You kids are *fired* from Warner Brothers! For good, this time! Get off this lot and don't come back. You'll just have to find someplace else to work!!! *Sigh* I suppose my only reliable employee is Dil-boo.

WAKKO: Dil-boo is a chicken, I tell ya! A giant CHICKEN!!!

PLOTZ: He is not a chicken! Now get out!

[Cut to the gate. Ralph throws the Warners out.]

RALPH: Daaaaaahhhhhhh, and stays out, youse kids!

[The Warners sit in front of the gate, dazed and perplexed.]

WAKKO: What'll we do now?

DOT: Well, no matter what we do, we'll have some odd madcap adventure...

YAKKO: And we'll be back in the studio again by the next story...most likely with no explanation…

WAKKO: So, let's just go do something fun and pointless!

YAKKO: Good idea! That's all we ever do in these things anyway...

[Cut to Craig at a computer. He sits drinking a cup of coffee. The Warners enter. Wakko tries to take a sip of Craig's coffee, but Dot quickly prevents him from doing this.]

YAKKO: Hey, Hemingway! Howzabout getting the plot moving?

CRAIG: Huh? Oh, right! The story... [Begins typing. Cut to the Warners, now back in the Warner Bros. lot. A new scenery suddenly slams down behind them. They are now in New York City.]

DOT: Um...*THAT* was unexpected...

YAKKO: New York City…Well, sibs, we could either stick with this idea, or just depart from the script entirely [Pulls out said document and throws it offscreen] and do something really pointless and zany. What'll it be? Choice Number 1, or Choice Number 2?

DOT: [Points at screen.] We'll let you, the viewer, decide!

WAKKO: Right after this word from our sponsor...

[Cut to an ad for "Plucky Charms"…]

[Cut to Romey at his computer, while the ad runs.]

ROMEY: So...they think they can get away with another directionless Animaniacs fanfic, eh? I'll show them...I'll show them all! Ha ha ha!

[Romey ponders for a few moments, then begins typing.]

ROMEY: [Typing] Just then, a hand gives Yakko the results of the viewer poll. Choice Number 2 wins by a land slide. Now to give this story some direction...

[Fade to Yakko, reading the poll.]

YAKKO: It seems everyone wants choice Number 2!

DOT: Hey, where *did* that hand come from?

WAKKO: Uhh... the poll fairy?

[A masked figure, who looks suspiciously like Romey, walks on screen.]

MASKED FIGURE: [In a muffled voice] Now that it's been decided to throw out the old script, why don't you take *this* script, and use it instead?

[The figure hands Yakko the script, and a sizable wad of cash.]

YAKKO: Ahem...?

MASKED FIGURE: Oh, sorry.

[The figure hands over a large bag of candy.]

YAKKO: That's more like it! [Looking over script] Hm…I think we can work this out…you've got a deal!

[Yakko & the figure shake hands, the figure exits. The sibs put on big smiles toward the camera.]

DOT: Eh-heh.

YAKKO: [Passing out the candy, and keeping the cash for himself] Alright, Sibs, time to go by the new script!

WAKKO: What about the money?

DOT: You lost it last time, remember?

WAKKO: Oops, sorry... heh heh!

[Yakko looks at his watch.]

YAKKO: Uh-oh! Quick! The commercials are almost over! Hide the stuff!

[They begin to run around frantically trying to conceal the candy and money.]

[We cut to a shot of Daffy Duck in a pile of empty milk cartons, as the words "GOT MILK?" flash onscreen.]

DAFFY: Warners is really licensing their characters shamelessly these days…

[We return to the show.]

YAKKO: Alright folks, the polls are in, and it seems you want us to throw out the old script! So instead, we're now gonna follow *this* script!

DOT: So, what's it say?

YAKKO: Let's see...."the casts of Looney Tunes, Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, and Pinky and the Brain must team up to prevent a catastrophe of cosmic proportions by some unknown foe that threatens their very existence, as well as the Kids' WB! lineup." Oh, great, what is this, "Chaos of Characters 2"?

WAKKO: ..."Electric Booga---"

DOT: [Interrupting] You've done that joke before, Wakko.

WAKKO: Oh, yeah, right; so, what do we do now?

YAKKO: Well, the first page starts with us sight-seeing around New York City, where we'll eventually get swept up into this massive crossover thing.

WAKKO: Faboo! Let's go!

[Cut to Times Square; we see the Warners taking tons of snapshots. Wakko has his arms full with pretzels, bagels, hot dogs, etc.]

DOT: [Holding the New York Times entertainment section] Look! "Bernadette Peters performs live tonight, in Annie Get Your Gun!"

WAKKO: Look! [Points to the paper] "Mr. Director to give seminar on acting at NYU! 'Fruenlaven: How I Act Good In That California Place Thing With Cars and Highways Too Many'"...

YAKKO: [Pointing forward from the group] Look! It's...Jon Stewart?!

DOT: Hello, Craig-Kilborn-Replacement Nurse!

JON: Hi there! Would you like tickets to The Daily Show?

YAKKO: Who's the guest?

JON: Well, Bugs Bunny is appearing tomorrow...

YAKKO: Bugs, our old buddy!

DOT: I wonder if he's happy with the money we paid him off with in "Warner Academy"?

JON: Hey, I remember you! You were involved in the D*sney Beanie Baby ring! How would you like an interview?

DOT: Well, I suppose we could plug our upcoming movie...

JON: Perfect! How's tomorrow sound?

YAKKO: With our luck, we'll be pre-empted by a South Park marathon!

DOT: Or the umpteenth showing of Dana Carvey: Critic's Choice!

WAKKO: Or another airing of Meatballs! Say, that reminds me, I'm starving! Let's get lunch!

 

[The trio begins to run down the street happily. They run down Broadway, where they pass a faded-looking poster promoting Albert Floyd Webster's "Mice: The Musical". Suddenly, they screech to a stop.]

WAKKO: Um…Yakko, where are we going?

YAKKO: Not a clue. What do you guys want to do until this "crisis of epic proportions" emerges that forces characters from every Warner Bros. show ever together in yet another contrived storyline?

DOT: Well, we could get ready to go on that two-bit cable show, and prepare our Wakko's Wish promo material...

WAKKO: ...or get a bagel at 2 A.M....

YAKKO: ...or go see that Bernadette Peters show...

DOT: Eh, sure, why not? At least it'll keep us from doing any tired gags yet again...

[Cut to a theater on Broadway, and fade into the interior, where Ms. Peters is on stage singing "There’s No Business Like Show Business"...we see the Warners sitting in the back, eating various New York-style foods.]

YAKKO: Boy, she sure can sing, can't she?

DOT: Yeah....y'know, she reminds me of someone we haven't seen in awhile...

WAKKO: Yeah....but who?

VOICE: Why, me, of course!

[The Warners turn, and see Rita & Runt sitting at the end of the aisle.]

YAKKO: Rita?! Hey, we haven't seen you in months! What have you been up to?

RITA: Well, Runt and I have been, y'know....around. Say, you wouldn't happen to want to spare some of that food you've got, would you?

[Wakko hands her a hot dog.]

DOT: Well, I guess we've got at least two Animaniacs characters collected so far for this upcoming crisis...

RUNT: Yeah! Gotta collect 'em all! Definitely gotta collect 'em all!

[The Warners scream at this Pokémon reference.]

YAKKO: Please, don't *ever* refer to that show again!

RUNT: Oh...I forgot. Sorry.

DOT: You don't think that could have been some sort of foreshadowing of events to come...?

YAKKO: Eeeeeeehhhhh...such as?

DOT: Not a clue...I just have a bad feeling...

[Fade to a corner near where our heroes are sitting...in the shadows, we see a dark figure.]

DARK FIGURE: The simpletons…they don't know what they're getting into…well, I'll make sure their plans never get off the ground! Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!

[Cut to the Warners walking down the street with Rita & Runt, after the show. The figure slinks behind them in the shadows. As they pass a dark alley, he suddenly pops out in front of them. It's…Craig.]

CRAIG: Guys, guys! Look what Romey is doing here! Can't you see?!

YAKKO: Eeeehhhhh, no...what?

CRAIG: An *ACTUAL PLOT*! This is an Animaniacs chain link! We *CAN'T* have a plot!!!!!!

WAKKO: Why not?

DOT: I find the idea intriguing...

CRAIG: But...but...

YAKKO: See ya...we've got a real script to perform.

CRAIG: Hold it! I'm armed! [Pulls out one of those nunchuk thingees and does all sorts of fancy twirly things with it. After a few minutes of this, Wakko simply pulls out a mallet and smashes him with an extremely calm, bored demeanor, á la Raiders of the Lost Ark.]

CRAIG: [Flatly {It's a pun...}] I see it your way...

DOT: I thought you would. Now you go back to that computer of yours and write this thing the way it *SHOULD* be done.

CRAIG: Yes, ma'am... [Walks off dejectedly.]

YAKKO: Now that that brief interlude of pointlessness is over, off to find our other costars!

RUNT: Hey, look! Who's that down the street?!

WAKKO: Why, it's Slappy and Skippy Squirrel!

YAKKO: What an incredible contrivance--er, coincidence!

[The three rush down the street. Slappy holds a sign saying, "Will drop anvils on your head for food." Skippy holds a cup and shakes it.]

YAKKO: This is so sad!

SLAPPY: Ya mean my pathetic predicament?

DOT: Actually, we meant that it was sad that the writers couldn't find a better way to have us meet you, then that overused, clichéd out-of-work star bit...

SLAPPY: True...so, eh... [Pulls out a script, reads it as if this is her first reading] So, what are you crazy kids doing here in NYC?

WAKKO: Not much. What're you doin' here?

SLAPPY: I dunno. I lost the other page. Eh, since when do I read scripts?! [Pulls in a birdcage, stuffs the script in.]

SKIPPY: Aunt Slappy, I'm hungry!

WAKKO: So am I!

YAKKO: Let's go to that diner on the corner!

RUNT: Yeah! They have great linguini! Definitely, great linguini...

[YW&D, R&R, and S&S run off to the diner.]

WAKKO: So, who d'ya think we'll meet here?

[They walk in.]

RITA: [Pointing.] Hey, look! It's Buster and Babs!

B&B: No rel---

DOT: ---ation. Yeah, we know.

[The rabbits glare for a moment.]

YAKKO: So, you guys are here becauuuuuse?

BABS: Buster and I are visiting the ol' Big Apple for Spring Break; aaaaand, we're having a romantic time of it, too. Isn't that right, Blue Ears?

[Babs smirks at Buster, and winks; Buster shifts about nervously.]

BUSTER: Eh heh. Yeah, Babs...

WAKKO: [Looking impatient] Can we eat now? I'm hungry!

YAKKO: Um, sure!

[They all sit down at the counter. Yakko orders spaghetti, Wakko orders half the diner's menu items without mayonnaise, Dot orders a salad, and Slappy and Skippy have a walnut figdough surprise. The rabbits are seen eating carrot hamburgers. The Warners toss Rita and Runt orders of fish and steak, respectively.]

YAKKO: Say, how would all you guys like to appear with us on The Daily Show tomorrow? We're going to promote Wakko's Wish and meet Bugs Bunny there! Besides, I think we could all use a career jump-start...

BUSTER: True...and there's already enough extraneous characters involved so far as it is...why not?

[All start in on their food...meanwhile, we fade away from the diner, to what looks like a castle in the middle of the woods. We fade into the castle, and see various figures from an assortment of WB shows seated at a large table: Walter Wolf, Beanie the Brain-dead Bison, Sid the Squid, Dr. Phrankenstein (from "Phranken-Runt") with Scout, Axel Foley, Dr. Gene Splicer (back in his normal non-poultry human form), Montana Max, Elmyra (who's clinging to his arm), Zalgar, and (from the cinematic "classic" Space Jam) Swackhammer, with two Monstars behind him. At the end of the table, we see a figure seated in a chair ensconsed in shadows, with the chair's back turned to the group. We also see banners behind each of the villain's chairs, with logos of the various character's respective parent shows on them; each logo has a large, red X through them. The unknown figure is apparently the leader of this rogue's gallery...]

EVIL FIGURE: Soon, we shall all have what we desire the most, by our ultimate defeat of our respective enemies!

SID: Yeah...we still owe Slappy for "Three Villains Are A Crowd", 1945, directed by Charles M. Bones...I hated Charles.

AXEL: I still owe those (bleep)in' Warners for blowin’ me up in that "Warner Academy" story…

SWACKHAMMER: That rabbit and that overpaid bald athlete he was with took all the good scenes in that movie! I didn't even get any screen time to set up my evil credentials! I'm tellin' ya, they are going to *pay*! [He slams his hand in his fist]

SPLICER: I owe those rabbits for ruining my genetic research lab! Though I admit since meeting the lovely Dr. Phrankenstein here over the Internet, I've managed to reestablish my business... [Splicer grins at Dr. P, who blushes]

DR. P: [Talking in her usual Elmer Fudd-accented voice] I owe that cat and dog for making me lose that brain I needed for Scout, here! [Pets the new-and-improved monster dog, who grins broadly] Even though Dr. Splicer's helped me find one for him, I still want *revenge*!

MAX: I want revenge on those razza-frackin' rabbits! Even in reruns, they still get all the stinkin' promo time that Kids WB made up!

ELMYRA: Ooooh, I want those mouseys back in my house! They ran away to stop that Circly-Wircly people in Washington, D.C., and never came back! [She squeezes Max's arm with her usual strength, causing him to flinch]

ZALGAR: Not before *I* get my hands on that Brain first, Miss Duff! He's *still* possessing the most scrumptious cerebrum on this backwater planet of yours! [Zalgar licks his lips at this; the others (except Splicer and Dr. P) look on at him with a bit of disgust.]

EVIL FIGURE: Well, you'll *all* get your chance for revenge! With this secret society of cartoon villains I've assembled and the resources at my disposal, the various Warner Brothers cartoon characters will soon meet a most unfortunate *end*, and *I* shall gain the desired victory I so richly desire! *Hahahahha!*

[Everyone present, except Beanie and Elmyra, start laughing maniacally. They all stop, and stare at these two; Max nudges Elmyra, and Walter slaps Beanie...they both then start laughing with the rest. Sinister music plays over this scene, as we fade back to a hotel in downtown Manhattan. We cut to see a hotel room with the Warners in it.]

YAKKO: Say, I thought a hotel in downtown Manhattan would run the price of a new Buick per night!

DOT: Well, I guess whatever moves the plot along...plus, the studio's paying for this!

WAKKO: The WB studio?

DOT: No, Comedy Central! Remember, we're here to go on The Daily Show!

YAKKO: Oh, yeah...that'd explain the complimentary videos of CC's various off-color programs that we decided to let Wakko eat.

WAKKO: Yum....Memorex!

DOT: Well, we're conveniently and oh-so-contrivedly all alone, as Slappy and Skippy went to a jazz concert, Buster and Babs are out on the town, and Rita and Runt are asleep over there [Points to a bed, with the two animals sleeping]. So, what do you guys want to do now?

YAKKO: Bug our "Acquaintances" again?

DOT: Please, no more mention of NBC sitcoms, OK?

WAKKO: How about this? [He holds up a paper, which says "Celebrity Gala Party Tonight"]

YAKKO: Eeeeeeehhhhhhhh, sure, why not?

DOT: Gee, I wonder why the author didn't mention the location of the party?

YAKKO: Probably because he's never been to New York City before...

[Cut to Brainatra, who sadly nods his head in agreement.]

BRAINATRA: Eh, I'll let Craig handle the specifics of New York City locations...

[Cut back to our group.]

YAKKO: OK, then...let's hit the town! [He turns to Wakko, who's holding a huge mallet.] Not literally...

[Wakko looks a bit saddened by this, and reluctantly slips the mallet into his Wacky Sack. The Warners head out the door, and down to the lobby, and head to a street corner to start hailing a taxicab. One stops, and they all get in...]

YAKKO: Take us to this location, OK? [He hands the paper to the driver with the party's location circled]

WAKKO: Gee, we sure caught a cab pretty easily in New York...

DOT: Yeah, *too* easily....

[The driver turns around to face the group, as all the taxi's doors and windows roll up and lock automatically.]

DRIVER: Yes, *too* easily indeed! Ha!

YAKKO: *Gasp*! It's...Dr. Gene *Splicer*?!

SPLICER: Eh, that's right, kiddies, we're goin' for a little ride....and I've got a riddle for you: what do you call a kidnapping of various popular WB characters by various WB villains?

DOT: Beats me...what?

SPLICER: I dunno either, but we're going to find out! *Hahahahaha!*

[The Warners gulp, and gaze out the window as the taxi speeds down the road towards their unknown destination...meanwhile, cut back to Rita and Runt, just waking up.]

RITA: Hey, Runt, where do you suppose those Warners went off to?

RUNT: I dunno, but this is good, Rita, *definitely* good...

RITA: Yeah...[She looks like she's about to break out into another song, but the door starts to open...]

RITA: Hmph...must be room service. Those Warners think of---

[A figure steps into the room; it's Elmyra]

R&R: *ELMYRA*?!

RUNT: We're in trouble...*definitely* in trouble!

ELMYRA: Teeheheee...I'm gonna love you and squeeze you to itty-bitty pieces, my widdle cuddly dog and kitty mew-mew!

[She squeezes both animals before they can make a break for it; they both pass out. Elmyra shrugs her shoulders towards the camera, and drags their unconscious forms out of the room.]

[Cut to Slappy and Skippy, walking down the street...]

SKIPPY: Ah, this city's the greatest, eh, Slappy?

SLAPPY: Eh, I guess it ain't so bad...as long as they don't touch my tree…

[The two are stopped by a figure in a trench coat.]

FIGURE IN TRENCHCOAT: Care for some...dynamite, Miss Squirrel? [The figure opens its coat, revealing various explosives lining the coat inside]

SLAPPY: Look, buddy, I never buy dynamite off the streets, OK? I order mine bulk from Acme!

FIGURE IN TRENCHCOAT: But these explosives are *very* special! [The squirrels look a bit closer...instantly, a gas emanates from the coat, and swarms the two squirrels, who begin coughing. They pass out before they're able to do the "put-on-a-gas-mask" bit. The figure takes off the coat, and reveals himself to be:]

MONTANA MAX: Hah! These dumb squirrels were a pushover! Now to take 'em back to headquarters! [Max drags the two squirrels down the street towards his waiting limo, and throws them into the back seat, then gets in. The limo takes off...]

[Fade to Buster and Babs, in a dance club...Babs looks completely mortified, as Buster does that same "dance" he did in "Prom-ise Her Anything".]

BABS: I thought you said you learned how to dance!

BUSTER: Eh, what can I say? This style has its charms!

[Babs shrugs, and the two rabbits start doing the same dance very closely together. Suddenly, a figure taps them on the shoulder...]

FIGURE: Pardon me, but may I cut in?

BUSTER: Eh, beat it, pal, this is *my* date!

FIGURE: Indeed...your date for your *doom*! Hah!

[The figure pulls out some type of ray gun, and fires at the pastel-colored rabbits, who immediately are frozen in place with horrified looks on their faces....we then see that the figure is Zalgar.]

ZALGAR: Ah, the Acme Scrooch Gun™! One of their finer fireweapons, if I do say so myself! Not to mention that I got to use yet another clichéd movie line..."date for doom"...hah hah! [Zalgar drags the rabbits' frozen figures away from the club, with the other club attendees looking on with surprise]

[Cut to a hotel room, where we see Bugs Bunny lounging about to climb in a hot tub...he's munching on a carrot. Suddenly, he hears a knock on the door.]

BUGS: Eh, if it's Dennis Rodman, I wish he'd realize that I'm not interested in doin' a sequel to Space Jam with him...[He goes over to the door, and opens it; he sees three figures in bellhop clothes]

BUGS: Eh, what's up, minimum-wage-earnin' docs?

FIGURE #1: Please accept this gift from us on behalf of the hotel! [He offers Bugs a box]

BUGS: Eh, sure, why not? [He takes the gift inside, and closes the door]

BUGS: It's probably another lame attempt to capture me or somethin'...but, oh, well. [He opens the package; inside is a videotape]

BUGS: A video? Hmm...wonder what's on it. [He takes it over to a TV set with a VCR on it, and plugs it in; soon, an image of a cartoon starts up. It's bright and colorful, with extremely cute characters and saccharine music. Bugs is filled with an unspeakable terror...]

BUGS: [Screams] AAAAAAAH! [He passes out. The figures walk into the room, and remove their cloaks; we see they're Walter, Beanie, and Sid.]

WALTER: Heheheee! Who'd have thought that the old master himself would be done in by....[Holding up the tape box] a cheesy direct to video sequel?! [The box reads Land Before Time XV: Search for an Original Plot]

[The three villains drag Bugs' unconscious form out of the room; fade out to the New York City branch of Acme Labs, where we see Brain hard at work on explaining tonight's plan to Pinky.]

BRAIN: In tonight's plan to take over the world, we shall use the transglobal monochromaticizer to make all of Earth's traffic lights read one color: *red*! With all traffic halted forever, waiting for the light to change to green, we shall step in, and take over the world! Just think of what that would do to New York alone!

PINKY: Egad, brilliant! But---

[Two figures walk into the room...]

BRAIN: Pinky, somebody's coming! Which strikes me as highly unusual for this time of night...

[The figures walk over to the cage, and reach in to grab the mice... the figures reveal themselves to be Axel Foley and Dr. Phrankenstein.]

AXEL: Hah! Catchin' those two (bleep)in' mice sure was easy!

DR. P: Yeah! It was just a matter of grabbing the two little fellows! Come on, now, let's go to...

[Brain, thinking quickly, bites Dr. P's hand, causing her to drop the two mice. Pinky and Brain quickly run off...]

DR. P: After them! Don't let them get away!

[The mice quickly squeeze through the lab's mail slot, and hide in a nearby bush...]

BRAIN: Axel Foley *and* Dr. Phrankenstein? I could understand the doctor's interest in us, but *why* Axel?

PINKY: Um....to sign us up for Vampire in Brooklyn 2? NARF!

BRAIN: Pinky, we must figure out why those two would both be interested in us! [He hears the figures still searching for the mice] Hmmmm...I have a plan. [He leaps out from the bush] Hey, Doctor! Over here!

PINKY: [Peeking out of the bushes] That's a plan?

[The two rogues come up to Brain.]

DR. P: Aha! There you are! [She grabs Brain] Hmmm...I don't see where the other mouse went off to, but I suppose there's no time to worry about him now...we've got an appointment for *you*! Ha! [The two figures head back to a nearby car, get in, and drive off...Pinky crawls out of the bushes.]

PINKY: POIT! I hope Brain knows what he's doing...still, I suppose I'll have to help him once again. TROZ! Talk about déjŕ vu…is that all I ever do in these things...?

[Cut to Brain, inside Axel's fist, pondering away...]

BRAIN: Yuck! Axel's fist is extremely sweaty! I hope I get out of here soon...but by letting these two catch me, I'll be able to find out what all this is about...and given our past experiences, I'm sure Pinky will also be able to find assistance from his end, as well.... [Pauses] Then again, this *IS* Pinky…

[The car speeds down the road, towards the villains' castle hideout; fade into the interior, where we see each captured character in separate stasis tubes. Cut to the villains' leader, still seated in the same chair as before, laughing sinisterly]

EVIL FIGURE: Ha! By sending villains other than the usual ones these characters face, capturing them was a snap! Now, to put my plan's next step into motion! Hahahaha!

[Cut to Pinky, running down the street.]

PINKY: Hm...odd...I've gone to the Warners, Slappy, Buster & Babs, and Rita & Runt, and they're all mysteriously missing, with signs of a struggle...there's only one explanation! POIT! Now if only I knew what it was...wait, I know! There's only one person to go to for help! [As Brain] Pinky, are you pondering what Im pondering? [As himself] Um, I think so, Pinky, but what if Richard Simmons tries to eat us? [As Brain] No, Pinky! I'm talking about--um--hm, let me think here...ah, yes! I know where to goooooo!!!!!! [Skips down the street excitedly.]

[Cut to a dark room. All the captured WB characters sit in cages. Splicer, Dr. Phrankenstein, and Zalgar walk into the room.]

SPLICER: Hello, my little friends. Don't be scared...we won't hurt you....yet! [Evil smile]

ZALGAR: [Walks up to Brain's cage] Ah, my old enemy-and-gourmet-meal Brain...soon, both I *and* my roguish cohorts shall all have what they want most!

BRAIN: [Frowning at Zalgar] I take it you still want to dine on my cerebellum?

ZALGAR: But of course...first, however, the two doctors here would like to run some..."experiments"...on both you *and* your friends here!

SPLICER: Our leader...never mind names right now...says we could use some of you furry critters to both satisfy part of his vengeance quest *and* our love of zany, madcap, highly educational experiments...won't that be fun, my dear? [He smiles at Dr. P]

DR. P: [Smiles back] But of course, my darling! [They make "kissy-lips" at each other; everyone else (including Zalgar) look fairly disgusted/annoyed]

ZALGAR: ...and to think others tell me my eating *brains* was "disgusting"! But anyway, you'll all be coming with us to face the most wretched fate imaginable!

YAKKO: Space Jam: the Series?

WAKKO: Another 5 seasons of Acquaintances?

DOT: An extended version re-release of Star Truck: The Motion(less) Picture? [Whispered to Wakko] And didn't I tell you not to mention that NBC series again?

WAKKO: Sorry…

SLAPPY: Watching these kids do that "two places at once" bit for the trillionth time?

BRAIN: Yet another story where I've wound up kidnapped for some reason or another?

BABS: Even more meta-humor and pointless writer cameos?

ZALGAR: *Worse*! Come with us!

[Cut to a building. Pinky speaks to a mysterious figure (Talk about cliché…)]

PINKY: So, that's the story. What do you say?

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't help you...I--

PINKY: You *MUST* help!

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE: I--

PINKY: Wait! Remember the last time we met! You said that--

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE: Yes, yes, I remember. I was only hoping you wouldn't. [Standing up.] Very well...you leave me with no choice… [Walks over towards Pinky.]

[The scientists and Zalgar carry the captured characters' cages down a hall, and towards a large room with several chairs set up; they strap all the characters into the chairs, and stick helmets with electrodes attached to the characters' heads.]

SPLICER: This little gizmo will drain all your personality traits and [Looking at the Warners] any "natural" abilities you might possess, and transfer it to our chosen destination...

[We see Dr. P strap her monster dog, Scout, to another table as well.]

DR. P: We're going to drain all your brains into my darling canine agent of destruction and annihilation here! [Stares at Runt] Won't that be fun? [Dr. P. pets Runt's head; Runt grins broadly. Rita rolls her eyes and mutters, "dogs"] Just think! A massive, monster agent of destruction with super-intelligence, abilities to manipulate space and time to do all sorts of cartoonish things like be in two locales at once, *and* has Grammy award winning possibilities! [Laughs]

SPLICER: Our leader will then use the new-and-improved Scout here to implement his ultimate plan!

ZALGAR: And after we're finished with *that*, Walter Wolf and the other villains will be given free reign to do with your dumbed-down bodies as they *wish*...and *I'll* be allowed to feast on the delicacy I've desired for so long! [Feels Brain's electrode-covered cerebellum; Brain grimaces at this]

SPLICER: Oh, and don't bother trying to break free from these restraints; they're resistant to any and all of you guys' various animated abilities...

DR. P: So, if there's no questions, let's get this show on the road!

[Splicer and Dr. P rush over to a large computer similar to Dr. P's in "Phranken-Runt", and begin messing with the various controls; music breaks out, and Dr. P starts singing "I'm a Hands On Kind of Gal".]

WARNERS: The horror! THE HORROR!!!!!!!!

RITA: Yeah...I guess it can't get much worse...

SLAPPY: Not unless you start singing that "Me-ow" song from that "Kiki's Kitten" thing again...

RITA: [Annoyed] Hey, was it my fault the song writers were taking a mental nap the day they wrote that one?

RUNT: Oh, boy, I like this, Rita...this is even better than last time I was like this, with all these other guys here!

RITA: Correction...the song writers, *and* my canine cohort here...

SLAPPY: Y'know, sure we're bein' thrown together into a blender of a monstrosity, but at least this isn't like that Kitty Birdy Brainy Smurfy Pixie Dixie Cartoonie Calzone show doohicky that the WB's got...

[All the captured characters stare at Slappy]

SLAPPY: Oh, yeah....I guess it *is*...

[Cut back to Pinky, with his unknown assistant.]

PINKY: So, what do we do now?

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE: [Walks into the light. We see that it's the Godfather, as seen in "Circle Closing In".] Ah, my friend, I know that I promised you anything that you wanted, after you let me have a box of those Chumpsickles™ the last time we met...but I really can't help you in this. However, I do have, shall we say, connections. I know who's behind this cartoon character kidnapping crime ring, and I believe I know of someone who can help. But remember, I can't be connected to this.

PINKY: I understand. POIT!

GODFATHER: Then just leave everything to me...

[Cut to the villains' lair. The baddies have left our heroes alone, chained to operating tables.]

YAKKO: Chaining us up, revealing their evil plan, then leaving us aaaaallllll alone here...isn't that just like evil villain-types?

DOT: Yeah, what contrivance!

SLAPPY: I still wanna know who wrote this piece a' hooey!

RITA: Well, it says on the script, but I can't reach my copy with my arms chained up...

DOT: These chains are just awful on my delicate girlish skin...

BRAIN: Oh, Pinky, where are you...?

[Cut to the Godfather and Pinky, walking side by side down a darkened city street.]

PINKY: Mr. Corleone, can you tell me anything about who is behind these abductions? Even if I can't help, I'd at least like to know what's going on!

GODFATHER: [Drawing a deep breath] Let me try to explain a little about the process of deductive reasoning, my diminutive friend. What you do in a case like this, is note what all the 'disappeared' individuals have in common...

PINKY: They're all WB animated characters!

GODFATHER: Precisely! Next, you ask yourself; who stands to gain something from the absence of WB animated characters? Specifically: with all of them gone, who inherits uncontested dominance of the Kid's WB cartoon lineup...?

[Pinky's eyes go wide, and he gasps]

GODFATHER: There now; that wasn't so difficult, was it?

[Cut to the Villains' lair. The dark figure in chair spins around to reveal himself as...Jamie Kellner]

KELLNER: Once I drain all those characters' essences into that monstrous mongrel Scout, I'll use both him *and* these ratings-grabbing Pokémon characters to create....[Presses a button on his chair; a viewscreen on a wall activates] *this*!

[We see the viewscreen display an image of various Pokémon characters, with a title proclaiming an "All-Pokémon lineup on Kids WB!"]

KELLNER: Once my senior partners, the cast of Pokémon, have dominance over the entire lineup, they shall reign supreme! The paste-eating set shall mindlessly tune into this all-Pokémon lineup, only caring about seeing a cartoon based on a video game they like with cute characters in it and our ratings will skyrocket! Of course, this agreement with the Pokémon cast involved their request that I eliminate the one roadblock in this plan: our humor-based shows! But by draining their stars' essences into that monstrosity of a dog, Scout, we'll not only be rid of them, but also provide this "bone" to throw to the humor fans!

[Presses another button; we see the screen display an image of Scout starring in The Scout the Doggy, One and Only Humor-Based Cartoonie Show.]

KELLNER: It'll be the perfect defense for those claiming we're not paying attention to our [Curls fingers into quotes] "rich cartoon humor tradition"! Hah! As if we cared about "tradition"...we're running a business here! And after that show inevitably crashes and burns, we can use the time slot for even *more* Pokémon! Ha! [He closes the viewscreen] Doctors Splicer and Phrankenstein, please commence with our guests' "treatment", then bring Scout to me to begin filming of this new show! Hahhahahah! [Turrning to Pokémon characters, who are in the back of the room] Now, then, where were we?

PIKACHU: [Apparently, he can actually speak in real life.] We were discussing promos for our new lineup, I believe?

KELLNER: Ah, yes...don't worry, you'll have the best promo efforts anywhere...we'll just use some more recycled footage of the Warners singing and Pinky laughing for The Big Cartoonie Show to save money, heh, heh...

[Cut to Pinky.]

PINKY: So what do we do now that we know who's involved in this kidnapping plan-thingy? TROZ!

GODFATHER: Now, we're gonna call the one person who can help us.

PINKY: Who's that?

GODFATHER: I can't tell you yet.

PINKY: Why not?

GODFATHER: Because it's time for a commercial, and we need some sort of teaser to keep the audience watching.

PINKY: Oh. Wanna get a snack, then?

GODFATHER: Sure! There's gotta be a nice deli around here someplace..after all, this is New York!

PINKY: *N'YORK!*

[The two walk down the street as we cut to a commercial.]

[END OF PART ONE]


Continue to Part 2

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