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"Chaos of Characters" Written by: The Siren, Brian Cruz, Brainatra, DR. BELCH, Craig Marinaro, Flaminchicken, Jon, and Romey Endless Hours of Editing: The Siren, and Romey Greetings all! You are about to read one the most unique pieces of fan-fic that you will encounter. Why is it so unique? This three episode fan-fic, begun by "The Siren," was written by eight members of the WBC Bulletin Board on Toon Zone, in chain-link fashion. It was composed in an open forum, one piece at a time, so anyone who wanted to could contribute. This is the complete story, formatted, spell-checked, and slightly edited for better continuity. Snowflake is property of "The Siren", all other characters (With a few exceptions) are TM & Warner Brothers. Contents: Episode One: "Say Hello, Uncle Brain" Episode One: "Say Hello, Uncle Brain" (Open to Elmyra's house. As usual, Pinky & Brain are concocting a scheme to take over the world, having gotten rid of Elmyra. They stand by the window, until Pinky notices a strange figure looking in...) PINKY: "Gee Brain, who is that staring into the window? ZORT!" BRAIN: "It can't be..." PINKY: "Brain, it looks like..." BRAIN: "But, he's dead! We saw him die....." PINKY: "Zort! I think it is him..." BRAIN: "Yeeeess! It's the star of stage and screen... Abe Vigoda!" PINKY: "Wasn't he in 'The Godfather' Brain?" BRAIN: "Your knowledge of contemporary cinema is surprising, Pinky." PINKY: "That's not all Brain! I saw 'The Waterboy' seventeen times! Narf!" BRAIN: "Normally I would hurt you Pinky, but with a gross over 100 million dollars, I've been punishing myself for not thinking of it first! Simple minded movie-goers..." PINKY: "Brain, he's knocking on the window! I think he wants to come in." BRAIN: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" PINKY: "Well... I think so, Brain, but what if Jerry Springer doesn't want to dress like a schoolgirl? *Narf!*" BRAIN: "Don't be foolish Pinky. He'd do anything for money. Now, assist me in letting Abe Vigoda in." PINKY: "Right, Brain! Ha-haaaa-haaa! *ABE*" (The two struggle to and then succeed to open the window) BRAIN: "Greetings Mister Vigoda and... *Gasp*" ("Abe Vigoda" removes his mask revealing himself as Elmyra) ELMYRA: "Hello mousie heads *hyuck-hyuck*" (Elmyra picks the mice up) BRAIN: (To Pinky) "Pinky, I told you to tie her to the train tracks whilst I concocted a plan to take over the world without distraction." ELMYRA: "POTTY MOUTH MOUSEY!" (Elmyra begins washing his mouth out with soap) PINKY: "I'm sorry Brain.. but the only knot I could ever figure out was a slip knot..." BRAIN: "Mmmmphhhhmphhhhmbruphhhh... *Gasp* Piece of phmbbbbbbbfblfbl..." PINKY: "Brain... I didn't think it would come to this... but I think it's our only way to go *ABE*" (Pinky pulls a big remote-looking thing out of his pocket and pushes an F-shaped button) ELMYRA: "Ooooooooh! Pretty!" (Elmyra is about to grab the remote when... IN FLIES FREAKAZOID!) FREAKAZOID: "I'm here in the shoooooooooow!" BRAIN: "Whuppphgh thumph hemph?!?!" ELMYRA: (Eyes Freakazoid) "Oooh! Lookin' good bay-beh!" PINKY: "Ello Freakazoid! *ABE*" FREAKAZOID: "Hey, Pinky! I was wondering when you were going to ask me to repay that favor." BRAIN: (Spits out the soap) "Favor?! Pinky, what's going on?" PINKY: "I pulled a thorn from 'is foot, Brain!" FREAKAZOID: "Yeaaaaah. My fault for putting it there! Hahahahahahah!" BRAIN: "How long ago did this happen?" PINKY: "Oh, about a season ago." FREAKAZOID: "Well, Pinky, what can I do you for?" PINKY: "Well, I was just craving a tuna sammich and..." BRAIN: (Leaps from Elmyra's hand and covers Pinky's mouth. Elmyra just stands there dazed looking at Freakazoid) "No, Pinky! This is out ticket away from the Oaf! Um, Mister Zoid..." FREAKAZOID: "PLEASE... Call me 'Late for Lunch'... It's a name I've chosen just because nobody wants it. It's sad, really." BRAIN: "Please rescue us from that horrible fiend! She mistreats us terribly! Treats us like... ANIMALS!" FREAKAZOID: "Your head all big an' funny! I halp!" (To Elmyra) "AAAAAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAAAAAAAAAAH!" ELMYRA: (Attaches herself to Freakazoid's leg) "I'm gonna hug you and squeeze you and..." FREAKAZOID: "Worry not, Minus and Cortex! I came prepared for this!" (Freakazoid reaches out the window and pulls in Fan Boy) FAN-BOY: "...but the Austen Powers preview made it to sound like the next Star Wars movie is a sequel and not a prequal like it really is... I'm sure I won't be the only one boycotting THAT movie..." ELMYRA: "Oooooh! He's dreamy!" FAN-BOY: "Huh? A girl? Interested in me?" (Elmyra flings herself at Fan Boy and becomes stuck in his stomach) ELMYRA: "Imphh gomma hub yoo an sweeph you!" BRAIN: "Pinky, it appears that our worries are finally over! We can finally escape and once again focus our energy on taking over the world!" FREAKAZOID: "You li'l critters are cute! I think I'm a-gonna keep you!" (Freakazoid shoves Pinky and the Brain into his ear and they land in his well-furnished head. Freakazoid takes off through the window in his lightening-bolt form) (Theme song) This situation's strange, --- Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon Zone(Freakazoid! lands and Pinky & Brain manage to crawl out of his head and away behind a rock. Freakazoid fails to notice them) PINKY: "Now what, Brain? Narf!" BRAIN: "We must do what we originally planned Pinky!" PINKY: "Try to take over the world?" BRAIN: "Well, yes... and find who we saw in the window." PINKY: "Wasn't that... He he! ...Abe? Zort!" BRAIN: "Abe was Elmyra, Pinky. But, didn't you see that other figure?" PINKY: "No, Brain. Who was it?" BRAIN: "Well, it looked like..." (Gasp) "NO! It can't be! Pinky, behind you!" PINKY: (Gasps) "SNOWBALL!!!" (A hamster approaches the mice) HAMSTER: "I'm not Snowball. I'm his son..." BRAIN: "Inconceivable... There's no logical way that you could be Snowball's descendant." SNOWBALL'S SON: "It seems my father was right when he said that the scope of what you believe to be possible is far too narrow. There are numerous details of my father's life of which you are unaware." BRAIN: (In disbelief) "Is that so?" (Snowball's Son turns around for a moment, then turns back to Brain with a look of accusation) SNOWBALL'S SON: "Tell me, Brain, you wouldn't happen to know what has become of my father, would you?" BRAIN: "Your father? Well... ahh..." PINKY: "We marooned him on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere! NARF!" BRAIN: "Pinky!" PINKY: "What?" SNOWBALL'S SON: (With a subtle shade of sarcasm) "Really? How intriguing!" BRAIN: "What is your business here?" SNOWBALL'S SON: "YOU, are the one responsible for tearing my world apart! If not for you, my father would never have left me and my mother!" BRAIN: "Snowball's choices were his own. You'll have to look elsewhere to relieve your resentment." SNOWBALL'S SON: "We'll see about that..." PINKY: (Sympathetic) "What became of you and your mother? *sniff*" SNOWBALL'S SON: (Flatly) "My mother died." PINKY: (Gasp) "And she left you in an orphanage with a mean lady and a bunch of little girls, and one's name was Pepper who you fought all the time, and you would sing out the window..." BRAIN: "Pinky..." PINKY: "MAYBE!!!" SNOWBALL'S SON: "That's Annie." PINKY: "Your name is Annie?" SNOWBALL'S SON: "My *name* is Snowflake." BRAIN: "Believe me when I say I'm sorry for what happened to your mother, but, as I said, Snowball's choices were his own." SNOWFLAKE: "But it was because of YOU he left. He wanted to stop you. Revenge against you." (Clenches fists) "He left because of you. If it hadn't been for you, he would have stayed!" BRAIN: "I see you've inherited your father's logic." PINKY: "We have a son!" BRAIN: "Pinky!" SNOWFLAKE: (Trying to hide his shock) "We? You mean..." PINKY: "Me and Brain!" BRAIN: "Quiet, Pinky!" (Sheepishly, to Snowflake) "Well, not a son...really..." SNOWFLAKE: "Oh?" (A sneer appearing on his face) "Tell me more Pinky..." (Freakazoid flies in and lands on Snowflake) FREAKAZOID: "Hey! There you guys are! You poor guys must've fallen out!" BRAIN: "Begone, infidel! I didn't like it in there, and neither did Pinky! Right, Pinky?" PINKY: "Actually, I was enjoying the cheese nips *ABE*" FREAKAZOID: "I'm sorry, guys, but as soon as I get you to Dexter's room, there'll be a much more comfortable place of living with the thing." BRAIN: "Well..." PINKY: "PLEASE Brain?" BRAIN: "Oh, pshaw." PINKY: "Ple-eeee-eeeease, Brain?" BRAIN: "Well... we do need to live somewhere... and we need to keep Snowflake away from us..." PINKY: "But Brain, he's our son! What kind of a father ARE you?!" BRAIN: "He is NOT our son, Pinky! He probably wants to torture, or even kill us, now let's begone!" FREAKAZOID: "Wow! I don't understand any of that!" (Flips open his head and drops Pinky and the Brain in) FREAKAZOID: (Now zooming through the air) "Y'know I never would've found you guys again if I hadn't heard a really long, boring, drawn-out conversation going on! Who were you guys talking to, anyway?" BRAIN: "Oh, no one important. Heh-heh-heh." (We suddenly zoom into Snowflake clinging tenaciously to Freakazoid's foot) --- Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon ZoneBRAIN: "That was a close one, Pinky." PINKY: "A close what?" BRAIN: "Pinky, have you ever considered renting your empty skull as a punch bowl?" (We see a dark figure entering Freakazoid's head) SNOWFLAKE: "Ahh, Brain, Father always taught me to prepare for the unexpected." (He pulls out a strange device) "Do you know what this is?" PINKY: "I think so Snowflake, but where will we find any onion dip inside Freakazoid's head?" SNOWFLAKE: "A reasonable guess. This device will render its victim unconscious for 48 hours." (He drops the device and steps on its activation button) (Freakazoid falls to the ground, Pinky, Brain, and Snowflake go flying out of his ear. Pinky & Brain smash into a treetrunk, but Snowflake redirects his fall so that he lands among the leaves) SNOWFLAKE: (Grinning widely) "Oh, that must have hurt!" PINKY: "Actually, it was quite tingly! Ha ha, *ABE*" BRAIN: "Speak for yourself Pinky." (Cut to Freakazoid, face down in the dirt) FREAKAZOD: "Can't move... very good... talking... kinda funny... gotta push the button of good..." (Freakazoid beeps his own nose. We see Cosgrove in an audience getting the alert on his watch) COSGROVE: "Awww. Now I'm gonna miss the taping of a very special Moesha." (Cut back to Snowflake about to do horrible unspeakable things to Pinky and the Brain) SNOWFLAKE: "Mwaahahahahahahahhaaaaaaaa!" (Suddenly a gloved hand picks up P&B) BUSTER BUNNY: "Always protect the LITTLE GUY!" (Buster steps on Snowflake) SNOWFLAKE: (Smeared on the pavement) "But I'm *choke* just as little as they are!" BUSTER: "I take it from the very specific way that you two are bruised, you've had a run-in with Elmyra!" BRAIN: "Oh, yes. It was a year of pure..." PINKY: "NARF!" (Buster walks away with P&B) BUSTER: "I'll give you guys some REAL TLC." PINKY: "The Learning Channel?" (Freakazoid suddenly wakes up) FREAKAZOID: (Deadpan) "Well, gawly. It is a good thing I am a superhero and the thing wore off... but someone's taken off with my mousies!" (Cut to Cosgrove blowing the horn of Urgency) (We pan now to Buster walking away with P&tB in his hand. What he does not realize is that Snowflake is clinging on to his ankle) (Babs walks up) BABS: "Hiya, Buster! Who are they?" BUSTER: "Don't know. But they were living with Elmyra." BABS: "Yeah, I can see that." BUSTER: "They need a place to live." BRAIN: "I thought we were to live with you!" BUSTER: "Me? Nah. I haven't got room. You want them Babs?" BABS: "Nah, my mom would kill me." PINKY: "Gee, Brain. Where're we going to go now? TROZ!" BRAIN: "To quote a cliche, Pinky, all is not lost. We do have friends at Warner Brothers." PINKY: "You mean?" BRAIN: (Makes a face) "As much as I hate to say it..." SNOWFLAKE: (To himself) "The Warners..." PINKY: "YIPEEE!" (Singing) "We're going to live with the Warners! It's time for Animaniacs! United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama..." BRAIN: (Grabbing Pinky's nose) "Quiet, Pinky! CEASE!" PINKY: "'K." (Brain lets go) BUSTER: "Well, we can walk you guys there, if you'd like." BABS: "Yeah! I haven't seen my old friend Yakko in a long time!" BUSTER: "And I haven't seen..." (His face flushes, a little) "...*Dot*... in... awhile." PINKY: "She's cute, isn't she?" BUSTER: (Wrinkling his nose) "Yeah." PINKY: "By the way, Brain. What were those horrible, unspeakable things Snowflake was doing to us earlier, Brain?" BRAIN: "Trying to sing that horrible Baloney song to us, Pinky." PINKY: "Ha Ha Ha ha! Narf!" (Sings) "Baloney is a dinosaur, that we made up ourselves..." (Brain pulls his ears down, gives Pinky a dirty look) (Zoom in on Snowflake) SNOWFLAKE: "The Warners, eh? I've heard from one of my insides sources at Warner Brother, a certain Thaddeus Plotz, that one of them is psycho. This could be very interesting..." (Theme) They're dinky, They're Pinky, Buster, Babs, and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain... --- Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon ZoneEpisode Two: "Characters, Characters, Everywhere..." (Cut to WB Studio, inside TP's office. Outside the windows, rain is falling with tremendous force, with occasional flashes of lightening) SNOWFLAKE: "So you see Mr. Plotz, that is why I'm so sure of this movie's potential. The movie's trailer alone will draw unwarranted crowds." TP: "Hmm... Full admission price just to see the trailer! We'll be glad to finance this film, Mr. Snowflake!" SF: "Thank you Thad, but I must first warn you of something." TP: "Warn me? Of what?" SF: "As of this moment, two mice and two rabbits, who have worked for you in the past, have apparently betrayed you to do underhanded work for another studio. From what I know, they're sneaking around the lot, hoping to free the Warners. They plan to cause such chaos, that you will be unable to make this film, and thus forcing me to have them produce this script. Surely you won't let them get away with such a crime!" TP: "Is that so? Thanks for the tip. I'll have security doubled just to be safe." SF: "I'm afraid that won't be enough. They'll do whatever's needed to get this script. Your own life may be at risk. I suggest that you quadruple security, and call in the National Guard." TP: "Surely, you must be exaggerating." SF: "Hardly. Notice all these injuries I've sustained trying to avoid them!" TP: "I'm not sure I understand why you're taking such risks to have US produce this script. I do appreciate the gesture, but why aren't you letting THEM produce it for you?" SF: "This script represents a true story that must be revealed to the public. I can't risk having any other studio produce it." TP: "I see." SF: "I'm glad you do, and you might consider having the Warners transferred to a high security cell block until after this whole problem has blown over." TP: "No problem." SF: (Quietly, to himself) "Let's see how they deal with THIS..." (We now see Buster and Babs with the mice hiding behind a set piece in the WB studio lot. A guard walks by, not noticing them. We pan over to Ralph, talking to a group of guards...) RALPH: "Dah, yous guys keeps your eyes out for them rabbits and mieces. Mr. Plotz says he'll pay us doubles if we catches them." (Pan back to Buster, Babs, Pinky & Brain) BUSTER: "Geez, you guys, what did you do to deserve this?" BRAIN: "Nothing! I don't understand! We've always done cartoons for Plotz whenever he's needed us." PINKY: "Maybe he's throwing us a surprise birthday party! Yipeeeee!" BUSTER, BABS & BRAIN: "SHHHHHH!!!" (Just then we hear loud protests off to the side. The rabbits and mice duck farther behind the set piece. Two guards walk by, with the Warners between them in chains) YAKKO: "Hey, what gives here?" WAKKO: "What'd we do to deserve this?" GUARD: "Mr. Plotz said you kids are to be put in a maximum security cell, and that's where you're going." DOT: (Begging) "No! No! I'm too young to go to jail! I'm just a sweet cute innocent young thing! You can't do this to me! No! No!" (She begins to sob. Wakko holds up a sign that says "Academy Vote Now," and Yakko presents her with an Emmy. Dot sports a huge grin) DOT: "Thank you. And I'd like to thank my brothers, my uncles Frank, Bob and Dubba Bubba, Pip, Dr. Scratchansniff..." (But then the guard yanks the chain, pulling her off her feet. The Warners begin to protest loudly again as the guards drag them off) BUSTER: "Geez. I wonder what they did." BABS: "That was a great speech. I'd like to have heard the rest of it. She's got a great voice." BRAIN: "It seems that Plotz must have something against his cartoon stars, specifically those from Animaniacs and Tiny Toons." BUSTER: "Too bad we can't get him to lock up Elmyra." PINKY: "Do ya think Snowflake is behind this? TROZ!" BRAIN: "Don't be silly, Pinky! How could Snowflake..." (Stops, thinks a moment) "Well, actually, yes. It's very possible Snowflake is behind this." BABS: "What'll we do now? We've lost all hope! We're doomed, DOOMED!" (She begins to sob) BUSTER: "If you think I'm giving you an Emmy..." (Babs flashes him a dirty look) PINKY: "What are we going to do, Brain?" BUSTER: "Never fear, my little mice! We still have someone who can help us!" BRAIN: "No! I refuse to go back into Freakazoid's ear! Do you hear me? I refuse!" BUSTER: "Not Freakazoid. Someone better." PINKY: "SUPER PLUCKY! NARF!" BABS: (Dryly) "Is that what he's calling himself nowadays?" BUSTER: "No. I'm thinking of someone who knows the system around here. Someone who won't take anything from anybody!" BABS: "You mean..." BUSTER: "The crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world! Our next best hope is..." (Wipe to the inside of Slappy's house. Buster, Babs, Pinky, Brain, and Slappy are sitting in the living room, all eating walnut fig-dough) BRAIN: "So you see Miss Squirrel, that's why we need your help." SLAPPY: "I'd be glad to help ya. It's been rather dull around here, a few acts of senseless violence are just what I need." BABS: "So when will you get started?" SLAPPY: "As soon as you pay up." BRAIN: (Looking worried) "Pay up?" SLAPPY: "Explosives aren't cheap. It'll cost ya scale plus *THREE* hundred percent." BUSTER: (Choking on a mouthful of fig-dough) "How are we gonna afford that? Our WB Pension only pays so much. Where do you expect us to get the money?" SLAPPY: "That's not my problem, kiddo." BABS: "So now what do we do, Brain?" BRAIN: (Staring hard at Slappy) "Does your public know about your episode?" SKIPPY: (Sitting nearby) "Aunt Slappy has a public?" SLAPPY: "Whadda you talking about?" BRAIN: "You know... about the time you... shall we say... flew over the cookoo clock?" SKIPPY: (Gasps) "NO! You wouldn't dare tell anyone about that! Aunt Slappy..." SLAPPY: (Alarmed) "How'd you find out about that?!" PINKY: "NO! Brain, I won't let you do it!" BRAIN: "You... wouldn't want people to think you've... gone over the edge... do you?" SKIPPY: "But she came back!" SLAPPY: "You little rodent! You wouldn't dare!" BRAIN: "Wouldn't I?" PINKY: "STOP!" (Grabs Brain by the shoulders) "I won't let you re-ZORT! to blackhawk!" BUSTER: "Blackmail." PINKY: "You're better than that! I won't let you do it! I won't!" (Shakes Brain senseless, turns to Slappy) "Miss Squirrel, we don't have any money! But if you don't help us, this terrible hamster named Snowflake is going to use the studio to destroy us and the Warners will be locked up forever, and he'll make terrible movies and he'll get Brain and I, and and and..." SLAPPY: "And I'll be outta royalties! Okay, kid. You talked me into it! This one's on the house." BUSTER & BABS: "Hooray!" BRAIN: (Rubbing his head) "That was unpleasant." SKIPPY: "Aunt Slappy, do you think Mr. Director can help us?" SLAPPY: "Holy shamoses! I never thought of that!" (To the rabbits) "That's my nephew Skippy saying that." (Skippy grins big) BRAIN: "Very well, then. This is what we must do..." --- Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon Zone(Fade into Slappy, hiding behind some scenery inside a soundstage in the WB Studio) SLAPPY: (Picking up an intercom) "I don't see why you're having me sneak around like this." BRAIN: "It's just a precaution, we don't know how far Snowflake will go, you may already be on his wanted list." SLAPPY: "Do you actually think I'm gonna let someone capture *ME*? I'm loaded with enough weaponry to blow this entire lot of the face of the earth!" BRAIN: "Just keep a low profile, I suspect that Snowflake is far more dangerous than any of us can predict. Sit, watch, and keep *quiet*" SLAPPY: "Shhh... Someone's coming!" (We see Mr. Director walk into the building, along with a small, dark figure) MR DIRECTOR: "This script," (Mr. Director places three fingers on his forehead, in a gesture of deep thought) "Is *brilliant*. It screams with goodness. Only *I* have the talent to make this, you've come to the right place, Mr. Snowflake." SNOWFLAKE: "When will production begin?" Mr-D: "Immediately!" SF: "Very well, I'll be off then to make the rest of the preparations." (Snowflake exits) SLAPPY: (Over the intercom) "I'm going in!" (She hides the intercom. She emerges from the scenery, and taps Mr. Director on the back) Mr-D: (Startled) "Hoyle! Where'd you? With the coming? Doing here, what are you?" SLAPPY: "Please, don't make this film, Mr. Director. It'll be for your own good, *trust me*." Mr-D: "Listen, Squirrel Lady..." SLAPPY: "That's Slappy" Mr-D: "Yes, I know that, Squirrely Person, but I *must* make this movie. Asking me not to make this film is insanity." SLAPPY: (Smiling) "Either stop this film, or be blown to Kingdom Come, it's your choice!" Mr-D: "Listen, you can blow me up all you want. Drop anvils on me, run me over with a Mac truck, it won't do you any good." SLAPPY: "Don't say I didn't warn ya!" (She pulls a rope, dropping several hundred steel safes on the Director) SLAPPY: (Picking up the intercom) "I have some good news and some bad news!" BUSTER: "What do you mean by that?" SLAPPY: "First off, Snowflake's movie has just been delayed. On the down side, Mr. Director won't be of much help to us." BUSTER: (To the others) "You won't like this, but... I gotta go to the bathroom. Be right back!" (Buster sneaks over a wall at the edge of the studio, avoiding guards, and managing to find a porta-potty) (We now cut to Freakazoid flying through the sky) FREAKAZOID: "Mousieeeeeeees?" (Freakazoid looks under the Sphinx) "Mousies?" (Freakazoid walks through a live-action western) "Mousies?" (Cut to the Huntsman talking his chief in the movie) HUNTSMAN: "What did you NEED me for Chief? Who is it? Lobe? CAVE guy?" CHIEF: "Nope. Freakazoid was hurt for a moment there. He's fine now. You can go home." HUNTSMAN: "DARN the luck! DARN! DARN!" (Cut to the Warners in High-Security) YAKKO: "Ok... there's gotta be a way out of this..." DOT: "Got your gag bag, Wakko?" WAKKO: "Nope. They conjugated it." (The Warners sigh simultaneously) WAKKO: "Hey guys... wanna see my Casper impression?" DOT: "We've seen it Wakko. It's just as bland as the original." WAKKO: (Turns transparent) "Wanna be FRIENDS?!" (Wakko walks right through the wall) YAKKO & DOT: "GASP!!" (Cut to Mister Director talking to Beaver, Big-Head and Minerva Mink) Mr-D: "What I'm looking for here is a gratuitous-sanctum-sancturum-veni-vedi-vici." BIG-HEAD: "Uhhh... Huh-huh-huh... you said sanctum. Huh-huh-huh!" BEAVER: "Hehe-heh-heh... Umm... Hey Big-Head... What's a sanctum?" BIG-HEAD: "Uhmm... I dunno." (Freakazoid comes in through the window) FREAKAZOID: "Mister Director with the thing!" Mr-D: "HOYL! You with the flying in! Haven't seen in so long!" FREAKAZOID: "This I know." Mr-D: "You... here... why? Freun-laven!" FREAKAZOID: "Looking a lot for the mice of small." Mr-D: "Mista big-head and the silly thing?" FREAKAZOID: "Yes, very much!" Mr-D: "Oh, they are bad of not goodness says the TP thing!" BEAVER: "TP? TP for my..." FREAKAZOID: "They are not of bad! They are of good!" Mr-D: "HOUTEN-MAVEN-MUMENSHOYLES!" FREAKAZOID: "Help me find with the thing and I will speaky with the TP." Mr-D: "Help find, I will do!" FREAKAZOID: "Great! Let's do lunch!" BIG-HEAD: (To Minerva) "Uhh... Huh-huh... hey, bay-beh." MINERVA: "These cameos are getting on my nerves." (Jon McClenahan walks on) JON: "At least it's well-animated!" (Cut to Buster leaving the porta-potty) RALPH: "Hey you!" (Grabs Buster by his ears) "Dahhhh... have you seen a bunch of fuzzy guys?" BUSTER: "Furbies? Sorry, pal. I'm not a rich guy!" RALPH: "Dahhh... Ok. Thanks anyway." (Buster runs like a fast thing) RALPH: "Dahhhh.... wait a minnit... Come back here!!!" (Ralph catches up with Buster and grabs him by the ears) RALPH: "You's can't fools me dat easy... you's are gonna be locked up with those crazy Warners." BUSTER: "*Gulp*" (Babs, Pinky & Brain are watching from behind the wall as Ralph walks off with Buster) BABS: "What will we do NOW???" BRAIN: "I have an idea..." PINKY: "Does it involve dressing up as our favorite 'Saved By the Bell' characters again, Brain?" BRAIN: "No, Pinky. As amusing as that was... my plan involves... THE SCHPIELBORG 2000!" PINKY: "Oh, Brain, that big, Steven Spielberg robot thingee that ran amuck?" BRAIN: "YES! I secretly rebuilt it in case it would ever come in handy. It's still in the ruins of the lab. COME! TO ACME LABS!" BABS: "But where's Buster? We can't leave without him!" BRAIN: "We need the suit to save him. Our staying here won't do any good." PINKY: "But if we go back to the lab, what if Mr. Flashlight Man Guy finds us?" BRAIN: "We must take the chance. But the lab is miles from here. We must get there before they can begin production on the movie. But how...? The only possible way is, as much as I hate to say it..." PINKY: "Through ballet lessons?" BRAIN: "No, Pinky. We must illicit Freakazoid's help." PINKY: "Yippeeee!!!!!" BABS: (Sarcastically) "Great." (We cut to Ralph dragging Buster to the cell. He arrives, and drags Buster to the Warners' cell, now only with Yakko and Dot.) RALPH: "Da...Wheres is the other one?" (Dot and Yakko blink innocently) RALPH: "Come on, yous guys. Where is he?" (What Ralph doesn't notice is that Wakko, in Casper form, has slipped the keys off his belt) YAKKO: "Pardon me, Ralph, but could you move a little bit this way?" (He motions to the right) RALPH: "Da...Why?" DOT: "Oh, pleeze Ralphie, Walphie. For me?" RALPH: "Da, okay." (He moves) YAKKO: "Now just a tad to your left." (Ralph moves again) DOT: "A little to your right." (Ralph moves again) YAKKO: "There! Right there!" RALPH: "Da, why'd you guys have me move?" WAKKO: (Behind Ralph, now in his regular form) "Because of this." (He pulls a rope, and an anvil drops on Ralph, missing Buster. Buster grabs the keys from Wakko and lets the other Warners out) BUSTER: "Wow! How'd you get out, Wakko? And where'd you get the anvil? ...Hi, Dot" (Dot rolls her eyes) WAKKO: "After I got out, I went back to the tower and got it." BUSTER: "And you weren't seen by the guards?" YAKKO: "That, and his escape, is a much longer story. And I... don't think we have time to explain it right now." (They run back to the studio) --- Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon Zone(Interior Warner Cafe, as Mr. Director & Freakazoid do lunch) FREAKAZOID: "So then, the little alien says, 'ET go home,' a-and he heads off into outer space, and gets shot down by Darth Vader's giant alien ship, a-a-a-nd..." Mr-D: "Whoa, whoa, sorry, too different. Take it to Disney. They'll produce anything." FREAKAZOID: "Oh. Sorry. So, anyway, those three kids are still in jeopardy. Shall we save them?" Mr-D: "OOOOOH! THE KIDSES?! IS IN JEOPARDY?! OOOH, DA POOR KIDSES, WE MUST SAVE THEM FROM THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE EVIL OF ALEX TREBECK!!! FREUNLAVEN!!!" FREAKAZOID: "Uh... Yeah. C'mon!" BRAIN: "Freakazoid!" FREAKAZOID: "Huh? Who said?" BRAIN: "It is I, the Brain. We must enlist your help, my cerebrally challenged friend. We need you to take us to ACME Labs." FREAKAZOID: "Okay! I've been looking for you two!" Mr-D: "But we must save the puppy childrenses, fein doten mavenshoil nice lady thing...?" BRAIN: "Um... Once we have my Schpielborg 2000, we will use the immense influence of Mr. Entertainment Wiz himself to take over Warner Bros. Studios!" BABS: "Take over..." BRAIN: "Er... and then, of course, we'll release you cartoony friends and stop the evil of Snowflake." (There. Thought we'd forgotten about Snowflake, didn't ya?) PINKY: "Egad, Brain, brilliant! Oh, wait. No, no. What if the suit was smashed when the lab was wrecked?" BRAIN: "It wasn't. Before we left I checked. The least it'll need is minor repairs." BABS: "Then..." PINKY: "We're..." FREAKAZOID: "Off!" (He scoops up the mice, and the three fly off, leaving Babs with Mr. D) BABS: "Well... er... shall we begin searching for Buster & the Warners?" Mr-D: "OOOOOH! SEARCHING WE SHOULD DO, NICE BUNNY LAAAAADDDYYYYY!!!" BABS: (Looking oddly at camera) "Be afraid. Be VERY afraid." (Wipe to Snowflake, who's sitting in a dark room with a pair of headphones) SF: (To himself) "So that's their little plan is it? It's fortunate I thought to put a built in microphone inside the stun device!" (Evil laughter) (Cut to Slappy, who's wandering aimlessly around the lot, avoiding security guards) SLAPPY: "All this weaponry, and nothin but a giant studio to use it on! I always thought this studio should have had a big crater in the middle of it!" (Smiles widely) (Wipe to Freakazoid & the mice arriving at the ruins of ACME Labs) BRAIN: "Ahh, here we are." FREAKAZOID: "Don't you owe me a certain special magical word?" BRAIN: "No, I don't believe so..." PINKY: "Say it, Brain." BRAIN: "Alright, alright... Thank you, Freakazoid." FREAKAZOID: "Yay! Good for me!" PINKY: "NARF! Oh, the lab's just how we left it. Ahh, there's no place like home." BRAIN: "Pinky, it's a pile of rubble." PINKY: "Oh, nonsense, Brain. A few drapes and throwrugs, and you'll never know the difference." BRAIN: "*Sigh.* Follow me. I dragged the suit out and buried it under a pile of rubble around here so no one would notice it. Start digging." FREAKAZOID: "Well, I'll just lean nonchalantly against this tree till you're done." BRAIN: "I don't think so. Get over here and make yourself useful." FREAKAZOID: "Nutbunnies." (Meanwhile, at the WB studio, Snowflake speaks on the phone) SF: "So, you're almost there? ...Excellent... Yes, I'm sure... I know that, but he said... Okay... but remember... Once you find him, you may use him for your own purposes...but when you're done, he will be eliminated. Yes, thank you." (We cut to see who Snowflake is speaking to. Wipe to interior of Wally Faust's car. He's on the phone) FAUST: "Yes... Mr. Flake. He will be crisply eliminated once he has served our purposes. Thank you for the tip. Good day, Mr. Snowflake." (Hangs up, laughs maniacally) (Cut back to Snowflake, who's just gotten off the phone) SF: (To himself) "Poor Wally... He'll be no match for the Schpielborg 2000, not after the few *improvements* I put into it! Then revenge against Brain will be ALL MINE!!!" (More evil laughter) (Cut to the rubble of ACME Labs, where we see Brain, Pinky, and F! scanning the ruins for the Schpielborg 2000) PINKY: "Brain, quick, over here! I've found it!" BRAIN: (Running over to Pinky) "You've found the Schpielborg 2000?" PINKY: (Holding up for Brain to see) "No, my collection of Fall Preview Edition TV Guides! Ooh, look, Brain, remember this one?: 'ABC's Timecop is the next must-see hit!' NARF!" BRAIN: "I think there's another 'must-see hit' for you in your future, Pinky..." (Proceeds to thwap Pinky on the head with the rolled-up TV Guide {"Zort!"}) "Now quit fooling around and..." FREAKAZOID: (From off-screen) "Ooh, lookee what I found!" (Brain and Pinky run over to where Freakazoid is standing, Pinky still rubbing his head a bit from where Brain bopped him. Freakazoid is holding the Schpielborg 2000, slightly damaged from the wreck of the labs) BRAIN: "Y-e-e-s! Now to repair the Schpielborg 2000, and stop Snowflake's plan!" PINKY: (Actually paying attention for once) "But Brain, how can we fix the cyborg-thingy? The lab's still ruined! TROZ!" BRAIN: "Hmmm... That's true, Pinky. Plus, I'd dare not return to Elmyra's house to make a repair attempt; she'd probably think the suit's the *real* Spielberg showing up to offer her the starring role in her own TV series or some such... and I doubt Slappy or Freakazoid has the equipment or expertise in such repairs that we'd need, either..." (Freakazoid crosses his arms, says "Hmph!", and pouts at Brain's statement) PINKY: "Gee, it's too bad we don't know anyone else who'd have the stuff we need to help us repair a huge robot-puppet-thingy like this..." BRAIN: "That's it! Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" PINKY: "I think so, Brain, but I doubt anyone would pay to see a movie version of 'Star Trek: Voyager'..." BRAIN: "No, Pinky, I mean that we *do* know someone who might be able to help us repair this..." (Curling fingers as "quotes") " 'robot-puppet-thingy'... Someone who we haven't seen or heard from in quite some time..." PINKY: "Who'd that be, Brain?" BRAIN: "I'm referring to none other than..." PINKY: "Oh! Oh! I know! Dr. Mordeau, the genius scientist who spliced our genes?" BRAIN: "A worthy attempt, my friend, but no. No, Pinky, Dr. Mordeau is insane. We need his assistant, who is none other..." FREAKAZOID: "Professor Hiney?" BRAIN: "NO! Dr. Herbert Booliver, the desperately misunderstood genius!" (Cut to Booliver's office) BRAIN: "Dr. Booliver, we need your help in fixing up our suit." BOO: "Buh... buk-buk-buh-gawk?" FREAKAZOID: (Hopping up and down) "Whadeesay, whadeesay?!" BRAIN: "He says he wants two baskets of chicken feed as pay." FREAKAZOID: "I like him. He's silly! He's zany!" PINKY: "He's a chicken, I tell you! A giant chicken!" BOO: "Buk-buk-buk-buk-buh-gaaaaaawwwwwk?" BRAIN: "Eh-heh. He didn't mean it. Don't worry, I'll keep him quiet." (To Pinky) "Pinky, you ninny, shush up!" PINKY: "K." (Meanwhile, in WB studios... Y,W,D, & Buster run from Ralph. They suddenly screech to a stop) YAKKO: "It's that time again." WAKKO: "For the Wheel of Morality?" YAKKO: "YES! And here it is..." (The Wheel lands on Ralph) RALPH: (From under Wheel, with lotsa stars around his head) "Dah... howd'you do dat?" YAKKO: "Ya really wanna know?" RALPH: "Dah-hah." YAKKO: "I'll take that as a yes." Y, W, D, & BUSTER: (Sung) "We are the very models of cartoon individuals, our animation's comical, unusual and whimsical..." (Sing along! You know the words!) (Meanwhile, outside Booliver's office, a dark figure peeks in the window. It's none other than Faust) FAUST: "Soon, Mr. Brain, your crisp life will be crisply ended..." (Even more maniacal laughter) (An old, gray squirrel taps Faust on the back) SLAPPY: "Hey, you left this bomb lying around, so I brought it back to ya! Bye!" (Slappy exits) FAUST: "I knew I should have been a door-to-door salesman." (Within Booliver's office, we see Dr. Booliver standing by the window. A *HUGE* explosion blasts through the window. No one is hurt except for Booliver who is roasted to golden-tender perfection) BRAIN: "What just happened?" PINKY: (Pointing at the roasted chicken) "Dr. Booliver!" BRAIN: "There's only one way to save him! Fortunately it may help us as well... Fetch me the Schpielborg, Mr. Freak!" PINKY: "What are going to do, Brain?" BRAIN: "I'm about to perform experimental surgery, welding flesh with titanium!" (Meanwhile, Snowflake has decided to up the ante a bit. He happens to know of a disreputable little establishment on Fairfax Avenue called the Rough Draft Bar and Grill, where the greatest cartoon villains all hang out. Cut to an exterior shot of a seedy little joint. Pan to interior, where we see three of the nastiest baddies seated at the counter - Walter Wolf, Sid the Squid, and Beanie the Brain Dead Bison. Walter and Sid are drinking beer, Beanie has a fruit drink) WALTER: (Chugs his beer, belches out loud): "So like I said, boys, I'm lookin' to get a piece'a Slappy Squirrel after what she pulled on me in 'A Little Re-read Riding Hood', 1934, directed by Jack Mieoff. Oy, what a schmendrick." SID: "Yeah, I remember that one. She shoved a stick of TNT up yer tuchus. You didn't sit right for a month. Me, I'm looking forward to getting her back for that hot butter bit in 'Calamari of the Wild', 1937. I still have nightmares. How 'bout you, Beanie?" BEANIE: (Has taken the little umbrella out of his drink and is fooling with it, laughing like an idiot) "D-uh, I love these things! Don't you?" (Walter and Sid give Beanie a quizzical look. A question mark pops up over Sid's head, and an exclamation point over Walter's. Walter then reaches up, seizes the punctuation mark, and proceeds to use it as a club on Beanie, raising a huge knot on his head. Beanie shuts up and slumps down on his stool, dazed) WALTER: "There has gotta be some way to take out that meshugenah squirrel once and for all!" (The door opens behind the boys, and a low voice speaks) LOW-VOICE: "Gentleman, I believe I can strike a deal that will be mutually beneficial to all four of us...) (Cut to Booliver's office, just a few hours later. We see our hero's emerge from the building with a tall, metallic figure) BRAIN: "Let's see what Snowflake thinks of our new ally... Roboo-Cop!" (Back at the WB studio lot, after much wandering and dodging guards, we see a rather bored looking Slappy Squirrel sitting around in a booth at the studio cafeteria, having been cornered by a rather perky-sounding producer...) SLAPPY: (Thinking to herself) "Geez louise, two appearances in two back-ta-back scenes... I'd better be gettin' more than scale fer all-a this..." PRODUCER: "I'm telling ya, Slappy, baby, this film's gonna send your career skyrocketing!" SLAPPY: "Let me get this straight. You expect *me* to actually *willingly* be the star 'toon in 'Space Jam 2'? A sequel to a film that shoulda been fodder for those guys on that 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' show? A sequel to a film that made my old Loony Tunes co-stars look like a buncha boobs in favor of strokin' some razza-frazzin' basketball player's ego?" PRODUCER: (Slightly cautious-sounding) "Uh... yeah." (Perking back up) "So, whaddya say?" SLAPPY: "I'd say ya gots yerself..." PRODUCER: "...a deal?" SLAPPY: "Nope, more like an upcoming trip to the emergency room." (Upon overhearing this, the rest of the cafeteria patrons, recognizing Slappy's penchance for excessive cartoon violence, clear out at approximately Warp Factor 5. The producer, however, is too busy being stymied over Slappy's "emergency room" comment to notice) SLAPPY: "Buh-bye." (Slappy gets out of her seat, takes a few steps back, and pulls a remote control device with a single red button on it from behind her back. The producer looks down at his seat, suddenly noticing a small truckload's worth of dynamite strapped to the booth. He gives a quick wild-take, just before the explosives detonate with a cafeteria-shattering KA-BOOM!) (We cut to the outside of the cafeteria, where Slappy {and the other cafeteria staff/patrons} has retreated to for safety. We see the cafeteria's roof shatter, with the producer seen hurtling into the air, screaming, before disappearing over the horizon) SLAPPY: (Laughing) "Heh, heh...now *that's* skyrocketing!" (Cut back to P&tB and F!, admiring Brain's work in creating Roboo-cop) PINKY: (Awed by Roboo-cop) "Naaaarf, Brain! He's so...shiny!" BRAIN: "Please, Pinky, we have more pressing matters than to see you distracted by even *more* shiny objects... Now that we have the ultimate cyborg warrior, Snowflake won't stand a chance!" PINKY: "Uh, Brain...is there a reason why Roboo-cop keeps pecking the ground like that? POIT!" BRAIN: "Er, ...must be a minor servo malfunction. But there's no time to correct that now! Once more, we're off!" (Theme) They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brian, Brain... --- Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon Zone(Back at the lot, we see Brain, Pinky, Freakazoid, and Roboo-cop in front of the WB Studio, with Slappy having joined them. Pinky's still lugging the slightly-beat-up-from-Brain's-manhandling TV Guide, and Roboo-cop continues to jerk his head around erratically. Brain still hasn't had time to adjust his servo neck mechanisms yet) FREAKAZOID: "Hey, Egghead, tell me how you hope to stop Snowflake again with the barnyard wonder here?" BRAIN: "For the last time, Roboo-cop's *not* a giant chicken, but rather a cybernetic wonder capable of helping us put an end to whatever demented scheme Snowflake has up his sleeve!" FREAKAZOID: "Whatever..." (Aside to camera) "Yeah, right!" BRAIN: "And stop calling me 'Egghead'! There's only one individual who was ever allowed to refer to me by that nickname..." PINKY: "Jaleel White?" BRAIN: (Shuddering, as he recalls his nightmare from "You'll Never Eat Food Pellets" at Pinky's mention of Jaleel White) "*NO*, Pinky! I'm referring to..." FREAKAZOID: (Interrupting, and stooping down to face-level with P&tB) "Ooh, ooh, I know! Uh... Is it Homer Simpson? I just *loved* that episode where he, uh... did that really stupid thing that was, uh... really funny!" PINKY: (Laughing) "Ha-haa-ha! Oooh, me too, Freakazoid! Ha-ha-ha! *NARF*!" (Freakazoid and Pinky continue laughing at this vague "Simpsons" reference. Brain begins growling, and uses Pinky's TV Guide to whap both Pinky *and* Freakazoid on the head, leaving said guide in an even shabbier shape than before) FREAKAZOID: "Owie, owie, *owie*!" BRAIN: "FOCUS! As I was saying before that pointless bout of slapstick, the individual I was referring to none other than... Billie." PINKY: "Noooo!" BRAIN: "Y-e-e-s!" PINKY: "Zounds, Brain, whatever happened to Billie since the lab was destroyed, anyway?" (Before we hear Brain's answer, we cut to some shrubbery near our heroes, with Beanie, Sid, and Walter Wolf concealed behind them) BEANIE: (Drooling) "Duh, what are we doin' here again?" WALTER: "Listen, Beanie, you Styrofoam-brain! We're here to take care of those four over in front of the studio there!" BEANIE: "Oh, yeah... right." WALTER: "When I give the signal, we start with the nasty tricks! Oooh, just think: money *and* a chance to take out Slappy Squirrel once and for all! Got it?" SID: "Got it! Heh, heh, heh!" BEANIE: "Duh... yeah!" WALTER: "Ok, you guys, on my mark... ready... set.... go!" (Cut to Snowflake, who is back in his control room, once again listening in on our heroes, through the small device still in Freakazoid's head) SNOWFLAKE: (Laughing hysterically) "Oh, how I love my work! I can't wait until they find out about over-ride circuits I put into the Schpielborg, or Roboo-cop rather!" (More maniacal laughter) (Wipe to Buster, and the Warners, with Babs and Mr. Director, whom they found during all this digression...) BUSTER: "I hope this plan of Brain's will work for once." BABS: "You just HAD to go over the wall, didn't you?" BUSTER: "I couldn't help it!" DOT: "Will you two PLEASE keep QUIET!!!" YAKKO & WAKKO: "SHHH!!!" YAKKO: "We can't wait around here forever, if they don't find us soon, we'll have to take the situation into our own hands." (Cut back to Beanie, Walter, and Sid) WALTER: "Now!" (Beanie walks over to the group) BEANIE: "Dah, looks! I's gots presents for everyone!" SLAPPY: (Shaking her head at how obvious this whole sub-plot is) "Why Beanie! You shouldn't have!" BEANIE: "I shouldn't?" SLAPPY: "Of course not, go return this junk from where you got it!" BEANIE: "Dah, Ok..." (Beanie walks back to the shrubbery, with the gifts. *YET ANOTHER HUGE EXPLOSION*) SLAPPY: "That was pointless." BRAIN: "NOW can we back to taking over th... I mean stopping Snowflake? Or must we digress even further?" (As if in answer to Brain's question, a vivacious big-eyed redhead in saddle shoes races up. Clutched in her folded arms is a leather autograph book and pencil. She emits an ear-splitting screech) REDHEAD: "Ohmigosh! It's you! It's really you! I can't believe it! I love you!!" SLAPPY: "Eh, I get this all the time. Ok, kiddo, it's five bucks for a basic John Hancock, fifteen if you want the cutesy message thingie there. For twenty I can even..." (The Redhead, however, pushes past Slappy, causing her to do that old toon spinny-thing. She looks dazed) SLAPPY: (Dizzy-sounding) "Fruit bats and the shrimp boat captains who love them... On the next Rwanda! Toot-toot!" (The Redhead kneels at Brain's feet and emits her ear-splitting squeal of delight again. Brain and Pinky's eyes bug out) REDHEAD: "I'm, like, Pepper, and I'm your biggest fan, Sir! Could you, like, sign my autograph book?" BRAIN: (Touched) "Well... It's nice to know the youth of America aren't all toddling off to Hades on a handcart. Some actually have a nominal respect for authority. I would be honored, child..." (Signs Pepper's book with a flourish) PEPPER: "Ohmigosh! Thanks a heap! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank..." (Cuts off abruptly as she sees Brain's signature) "Heeeyyyy... You aren't Danny DeVito! What a gip!" (Stomps off in a huff) FREAKAZOID: "What can I say, Jughead... Fame, she is a fickle mistress." BRAIN: "And don't call me Jughead either, you... Overgrown Smurf!" (Walks over to Slappy) "Come, Ms. Squirrel." SLAPPY: "Talk show hosts sued by the shrimpboat captains who love them... On the next Judge Mills Lane!" (Shakes her head, comes back to herself) "What the f--?!?" BRAIN: "Oh... Skip it. As soon as my ears quit ringing..." (He digs at his left ear with his little finger to clear it) "...We'll continue our search for the fruit of my old enemy's loins!" PINKY: "We're going to go look for Snowball's underwear? Goody! Um... I hope he washed the skidmarks out of it first." (A silhouette shot of Pinky, Brain, Freakazoid and Roboo-cop walking into the distance. Slappy wanders off by herself, zoning out again. Brain whaps Pinky a good one on the noggin for his last remark. Pan to the left, where a pair of beady little eyes watch them from behind a bush and snicker fiendishly) --- Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon Zone(Slappy is still wandering by herself) SLAPPY: "Toot! Toot! Here come dem shrimp boats & the alarm clocks who love 'em, on the next 'Rwanda'!" (She is approached by Buster, Babs, the Warners and Mr. Director) BUSTER: "Slappy! Are you okay?" SLAPPY: "Huh? Mandel and the announcer who makes his show worth watching?" BUSTER: (Shakes her violently) "SLAPPY!" SLAPPY: "Whoa, easy, kid. I musta had a relapse. Where are we?" BUSTER: "The Warner Bros. lot. We're all here except Brain and Pinky and Freakazoid." SLAPPY: "Yeah. They're working on their plan thingee. So, uh, what now?" WAKKO: "What're we gonna do now, Yakko?" YAKKO: "I dunno. Frankly, I'm lost." SLAPPY: "Eh, it's no worse then the tripe they hand me at the studio daily." Mr. DIRECTOR: "OOOOOH, NICE SQUIRREL LADY, STOP WITH THE WHINING!!!" BABS: (Pointing to one of the anvils still lying on Ralph) "Can I use this?" YAKKO: "Be my guest." BABS: "Thanks." (Grabs it, drops it on Mr. D) Mr. DIRECTOR: (Getting up slowly) "Hoyle, with the thing of hurting..." BABS: "Yeesh. His voice is worse than Pepper Mills. Now, as I was saying..." BUSTER: "You weren't *saying* anything, Babsy. As a matter of fact, have you done *anything* this whole time?!" BABS: "Do I sense a touch of hostility?" DOT: (Smiling) "Maybe after 10 years of dating, the honeymoon's over, *Babsy* Right, Buster?" BUSTER: (Sweating) "Er... uh..." BABS: "Oh, I see it all now, you two-timing sunuva..." YAKKO: "...Gun. Goodnight everybody!" SLAPPY: "Right. Can we get on with the plot already? I'm gettin' old." WAKKO: "Uh... right." (Looking at script) "I'm lost. Can't we cut to another scene?" YAKKO: "Sure. Howzabout, eeeeehhhhh... here?" SLAPPY: "Oooh, goody, expo." (We cut ahead to Snowflake's office) SNOWFLAKE: "Ha ha! The fools! I only hired Wally Faust to trail Brain, because I made *alterations* to Brain's model. I knew the special modifications would make it so neither Faust nor Brain would stand a chance. Now Faust has been blown up by Slappy, and soon Roboo-cop will be Brain's undoing, thereby sealing my revenge once and for all!" (Slappy pokes her head onscreen for an aside to audience) SLAPPY: "Now that's... expo." (Music) "BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM... BUM!!!" (We see Pinky, Brain, Freakazoid, and Roboo-cop, still recovering from the pointless cameo guest star appearance) PINKY: "I rather liked that girl, Brain. She was loud in a loud-ish sort of way, *ABE*" BRAIN: "*You* would. That voice of hers could shatter every glass 1.6 kilometers around." FREAKAZOID: "Hey, waitaminit, you guys! I just thought of something! Just *where* are we going, anyway?" BRAIN: "Perhaps we should backtrack to the WB Studio, and see if Buster and Babs have discovered anything to aid us there. Plus, we'll be able to use the highly sophisticated sensory tracking devices built into Roboo-cop to aid us in finding any further leads, including the possible presence of Snowflake himself!" ROBOO-COP: (In a metallic-sounding voice) "Buh-buckaw?" FREAKAZOID: "Yeah, sure, why not?" BRAIN: "Excellent! Let's be off! Roboo-cop, begin hamster-tracking-mode!" (From Roboo-cop's view, we begin to see his viewscreen flash "Hamster-tracking-mode ACTIVATED" in the lower right corner, and a tracking grid flash on his viewscreen, as well. Roboo-cop emits an acknowledging "buh-caw!", and begins walking...) (The group heads back for the studio's main entrance, with Roboo-cop and the mice leading the way. Meanwhile...) (Cut to Snowflake's hideout, where we see him spying on our heroes...) SNOWFLAKE: "Perhaps using those three incompetent villains and Faust to aid me in my quest was rather pointless after all... Still, I *do* have a few more aces up my sleeve, plus my sabotage to Roboo-cop! Heh, heh, heh!" (Pulls out a cellular phone device) "Hello? WB studio lot #57? I have a few new friends for your highly sophisticated and educational program. Please meet them just inside the studio entrance, all right? All righty then, ta-ta! [click] Wait'll they get a load of the...*Orange One!* HAHAHAHA..." --- Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon Zone(Meanwhile, Pinky, Brain, Freakazoid, and Roboo-cop have been wandering aimlessly, unable to find the entrance) BRAIN: (Thoroughly peeved) "We seem to be wandering about in circles. We need to find a way to get to the heart of the studio, and fast... but we have to play it slow and careful. Snowflake probably has snipers on every rooftop looking for us." PINKY: "Oh, my feet are tired, Brain! Can't we rest? Zort!" BRAIN: "No, Pinky, we can't afford to rest now." PINKY: "Then can we stop by the hot dog stand and maybe have a nice chat with that lovely tour group?" (Points to a group of people munching $7.50 wieners at a concession booth) BRAIN: (Grumbles an expletive) "No, Pinky, we can't stop for refreshments, and we aren't going to get mixed up with a bunch of..." (His face brightens) "Pinky! That is brilliant! Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" PINKY: "Well, I think so, Brain... but Andrew Dice Clay wouldn't really fit in on Sesame Street, would he?" BRAIN: "No, Pinky. What we're going to do is mix in with that tour group and walk right into the WB studios unhindered. Even a scumbag like Snowflake wouldn't be willing to harm innocent tourists just to settle his score with me! Once we get close to our destination, we will be able to break away from the group and can continue our quest unhindered. Any questions, Pinky?" PINKY: "Well, just one. That horse on Mr. Ed --I can't remember his name right now-- was so smart. How did they get him to talk?" BRAIN: (Exercising great restraint not to whallop Pinky) "Come." (The mice head towards the tour group. Freakazoid and Roboo-cop linger behind) FREAKAZOID: "Hey, Robey... Wanna go look at some T-shirts with off-color messages on them?" ROBOO: (In his deep metallic voice) "Buck-buck-buck-bacawck!" (Freakazoid and Boo walk off in another direction) (The mice approach the tour group. Miss Information, complete with bullhorn, is leading several people, among them Cho-Cho, Lucky Bob, and two people in tacky Hawaiian shirts who look suspiciously like the old couple in "Better living Through Cheese". They bleed inconspicuously into the group) MISS INFO: "Okay, people, stick together! We're walkin', we're walkin'... We're looking at the pretty buildings! Now this here is a sound stage, which is called that because it can get pretty noisy in there when they're filming those big mutli-million dollar films of theirs! And over here we see the prop department... Which is called that because that's where they keep the old-fashioned airplanes, or "props", that they use in all those big ol' WWI pictures! Okay! Move along! We're walkin', we're walkin'..." BRAIN: (Under his breath) "Twit." (Pan over to the left, where Walter and Sid and Beanie are peeping out from around the sound stage) WALTER: "Ooh, perfect! I got another plan, boys!" SID: (Rubs head) "Is this one going to hurt, too?" WALTER: "Shut up, you putz! This one can't fail! We disguise ourselves like tourists, see..." (He whips out three Groucho Marx's rubber-nose-and-glasses and puts on one, then hands the other two to Sid and Beanie) "...and then we walk right up to Slappy Squirrel like we're gonna take her picture, and then! WHAPPO!" (Smacks fist into hand) "Squirrel pie! Now come on, and keep quiet! We don't want to attract attention!" (The absurdity of a giant buffalo, a squid, and a wolf wearing fake noses seems to escape Walter. He and the boys laugh fiendishly, but then are interrupted by a chorus of wheezy smoker's coughs) (They turn around. The Warners, Buster and Babs, Mr. Director, and Slappy are behind them. Slappy has an explosive camera all set up) SLAPPY: "Hey, Walter. Want your picture taken?" WALTER: "Sure!" (The three villains, with their disguises pose. Slappy stands way back and pulls the string. An explosion later, the charred villains stand still in pose) WALTER: "Thanks" (They collapse) MR-D: "Hoyle! With the thing! Go boom!" BUSTER: "That was great, Slappy!" SLAPPY: "Thanks. I'll have to find a way to use it again later." (Cut to Pinky and Brain walking with the tourists. Suddenly, Brain looks around) BRAIN: "Pinky, where are Freakazoid and Roboo-cop?" PINKY: "I dunno, Brain. I think they went to read dirty T-shirts or something." BRAIN: (Mumbling another expletive under his breath) "Come on!" (They wonder back where they came from, finally seeing Freakazoid and Roboo-cop looking at a bunch of T-shirts) FREAKAZOID: Oh, yeah. That's funny. Underestimating stupid people in groups. Ha, ha, ha! BRAIN: "Are you two coming?" (Freakazoid and Roboo-cop turn around) FREAKAZOID: "Sorry, Little Big Head. Sheesh, you take the fun out of everything!" BRAIN: "I said, stop calling me those names! My name is the Brain, do you hear me? The Brain!" FREAKAZOID: "Okay, The-Brain-Do-You-Hear-Me-The-Brain." BRAIN: (Growls) "Let's get going. The tourists are gone; we'll have to find Snowflake ourselves. Roboo-cop! Reactivate hamster-tracking-mode!" ROBOO: "Bwak!" (Begins searching again, picks up a trail, and begins to follow it) BRAIN: "YES! RoBoo-Cop is on the trail of Snowflake. Soon, we'll meet for the final showdown!" (Cut to Snowflake still listening in, via Freakazoid's ear) SNOWFLAKE: "Oh, Brain, you don't know how wrong you are. Hah hah hah haaaahh... Oh, how I love my job!" (Meanwhile, back on the lot) BRAIN: "YES! Just a few more moments and..." PINKY: "Oh no, Brain! LOOOOOOK!!!" BRAIN: "What *IS* it, Pink... "YAAHHH!!!" FREAKAZOID: "Holy leapin' narwhales!" (A huge orange hand comes in & grabs the mice) OWNER OF THE HUGE ORANGE HAND: (Guess who?) "Huh-huh-huh-huuuh! Oh, my cute little mouse with the large head! I lovie-dovie LOVE you SOOOOO much!" (He squeezes harder & harder) PINKY: "Despite our-GUMPH-cheating?" BRAIN: "No! Freak... URK! ...get... OY! ...elp..." FREAKAZOID: "Huh? What? Whadja say? Huh, huh, huh?" BRAIN: "GET HEEEEEEELLLLLLLP!!!" FREAKAZOID: "You got it!" (Flies away) "Hmm, I wonder where Cosgrove is..." (Cut to Cosgrove, still at the taping of a very special "Moesha") COSGROVE: "Oh, boy, is this episode special!" (Back to Freakazoid, now approaching Buster, Babs, Slappy, Mr. Director, & the Warners...) FREAKAZOID: "Oooh, good for me!" (Approaches them) "Hey, guys! Wanna help you do? In trouble be they!" SLAPPY: "That was bordering on coherence." WAKKO: "Should we help, Yakko?" YAKKO: "Yeah, sure, we're not doing anything else..." SLAPPY: "Next time I'm gettin' script approval." FREAKAZOID: "Come! The Orange One has got them! Help you must! Come quickly!" BUSTER: "The Orange One?!?!" DOT: (Shaking) "You can't mean..." WAKKO: "Abe Vigoda?" YAKKO: "No, Wakko, it's the most fearsome of all creatures..." (They follow Freakazoid, Yakko's final words are lost as they leave) (Cut to Snowflake's place once again...) SNOWFLAKE: "Oh, this will be good! Mu-hah-hah-hah-hah! And I can't *wait* until the override circuits on Ro-Boo Cop kick in!" (Door opens, enter Ralph) RALPH: "Dah... dey're ready to begin your movie with its NEW DIRECTOR, Mr. Snowflake." SNOWFLAKE: "Excellent." (Lots o' maniacal laughter. Don't you just love that?) (Back outside in the lot, Freakazoid, Mr. Director, the Warners, Slappy, Buster and Babs are trying to figure out how to rescue the mice from the menacingly stupid clutches of Baloney) BUSTER: "I say we burrow under 'im..." BABS: "I say we all disguise ourselves as the cast of "Spin City", and fool Mr. Polyester-Suit-Guy..." WAKKO: "I know! Anvils! Lots of 'em!" DOT: "Uh, Wakko, that didn't work last time, remember?" WAKKO: "Oh, yeah..." SLAPPY: (Pointing to Mr. Director) "But they'll work on him!" (She pulls a nearby rope, and anvils fall on Mr. Director's head) MR. DIRECTOR: "Oy vey!" (He is out for the count) FREAKAZOID: "I say we call him *really*, *really* silly names!" (All stare at Freakazoid) FREAKAZOID: (Mumbling) "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time..." (A short bout of arguing amongst Freakazoid, Buster and Babs, and the Warners ensues. Then...) SLAPPY: "Hey, HEY! I say we just blow him up really good... Heh heh..." (All think silently for a moment) ALL: "OK!" (Cut back to Baloney, Pinky and the Brain. The mice's faces are starting to turn blue from lack of air due to Baloney's smothering hug...) BRAIN: "Well, Pinky...*gasp*...this... looks like the end!" PINKY: "The... end? Will there be...*gasp*...a lot of closing credits?...*ABE*" BRAIN: "Remind me... to... hurt... you... later... if... we... live...*gasp!*...Pinky!" (Snowflake, watching from his lair, maniacally laughs at this whole sequence so hard, that he falls from his chair) SNOWFLAKE: (On the floor) "Soon Brain and his dimbulb friend shall be permanently disposed of! Ha ha!" (Suddenly...) SLAPPY: "Hey Baloney! Over here!" BALONEY: "Huh-huh-huh... what?" SLAPPY: "Say 'cheese'!" (Slappy holds what looks like the same an old-time camera with an equally old-time flash) BALONEY: "Oh, *goody!* I just loooove to pose for pictures! Huh-huh-huh!" (He drops the two mice in glee accidentally, who immediately bolt away from him) SLAPPY: "Sure, thing, bub. Just let me warm up the flash first, OK?" (Slappy lights a fuse attached to the camera... A cheesy cartoon cutaway reveals that there's nothing but dynamite in the camera's interior. She then stands *way* back) SLAPPY: (To Baloney) "Stand real close to the lens, all right?" BALONEY: "Ok, Huh, huh! I'm ready for my closeup!" (Strikes a dramatic-yet-stupid-looking pose) (A few seconds later, the ground is rocked by an enormous explosion, which when the smoke clears, leaves a burnt-looking Baloney) BALONEY: (Feebley) "Huh-huh" (He collapses) (All except Roboo-cop cheer) BRAIN: "Now come! We must continue to track Snowflake to his lair! Roboo-cop, resume search routine!" (Back to Snowflake's lair, where we see him fuming heavily) SNOWFLAKE: "BAH! Well, I see that if I'm ever to defeat Brain once and for all, I must do it myself!" (He presses a button on a wall, opening a trap door revealing...) SNOWFLAKE: "My father nearly defeated Brain before in a meticulously designed mechanical suit. Now, with the modifications I've made to his designs, in addition to the ones I've made to Roboo-cop, I'll be invincible!" (We see a suit that resembles the Transformer-esque suit in the original "Snowball" episode. We see Snowflake crawl into the top, and insert a computer disk reading "Seek and Destroy for Windows 98 version 1.0") SNOWFLAKE: "Ready or not, Brain... here... *I*... come!!!" (You guessed it, even more maniacal laughter...) Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon Zone(Outside, the reunited group heads toward Plotz's office building, the home of Snowflake's lair. Suddenly, the ground rumbles, and a menacing laugh is heard) BRAIN: (Softly) "Snowflake…" (Snowflake appears in his suit. Everyone stares in awe) PINKY: "Naaaaarrrrf..." BRAIN: "Roboo-cop! Sic him!" (But just then, Snowflake's mechanical hands push a button on a remote. Roboo-cop's servo motors slowly grind to a stiff halt) ROBOO: "Bukock!" (He falls to the ground) SNOWFLAKE: "Ha, ha, ha! Did you really think you could defeat me, Brain, with a minuscule little robot like that?" (The group stares in horror) "Well, you couldn't, Brain. And now I am going to have my revenge once and for…" VOICE FROM OFF SCREEN: "SNOWFLAKE!!!" (Snowflake wheels around. Plotz is standing behind him, holding his movie script) SNOWFLAKE: "Thaddius?" PLOTZ: "What the devil are you trying to pull here? The Humane Society just read your script, and they said it was too dangerous for any hamster to be in! Sending a hamster through a gene splicer? Twice?!" SNOWFLAKE: "But, that's what happened, Mr. Plotz." PLOTZ: "I don't care! The Humane Society plans to sue my studio for cruelty to animals! Unless you want to end up paying the lawsuit, you have five seconds to get off my lot!" (Snowflake blinks for a moment, then angrily picks up Plotz) PLOTZ: "Whoa. Whaaaa!" SNOWFLAKE: "I'll crush you, you miserable human!" ANOTHER VOICE: "Hold it right there!" (Snowflake looks up to see the National Guard all around him with guns) SNOWFLAKE: (Snickers) "You miserable fools can't stop me!" PLOTZ: "Oh, no?" (Without warning, he pulls Snowflake right out of his suit. The suit drops them both) SNOWFLAKE: "NO!!!" PLOTZ: "Now, as I said, you have five minutes to get off my lot. Starting now…" (Snowflake clenches his fists for a moment. Then, looking at the National Guard, he takes off running. The group stares in silence) DOT: "Woah! Who'd have thought Plotz would save the day? Let alone the story?" BUSTER: "Yeah…" (He looks shyly at Dot, who cocks an eyebrow bemusedly at him) (Babs grabs his ear and drags him off) BABS: "Come on, Buster. We gotta talk." (They leave) PLOTZ: (Staring at the rest of the group) "Well, what're you all staring at? Either get to work, or get off my property!" (To Warners) "And you! Get back to your water tower immediately!" YAKKO: "Hey, what about all the trouble you caused us?" DOT: "Yeah, locking us in that cell and everything?" WAKKO: "Yeah!" PLOTZ: "Do you want to go back there?" (He leans menacingly toward the Warners) YAKKO: "Well, gotta go! Got a tower to clean up!" WAKKO: "Lots to do! Been a busy day!" DOT: "Bye, bye!" (They shoot off at first. Then, they are seen stopping at the base of the tower) YAKKO: "Don't worry sibs. We'll get even with him..." PLOTZ: (Turing back to the remainder of the group) "Didn't you hear what I said?" FREAKAZOID: "Yet another good deed done! Another helpless victim save! Another victory of…" PLOTZ: "I said GET!" FREAKAZOID: "Bye!" (He flies off in lightening form) SLAPPY: "Geez. If I had anymore explosives, you'd be mush pal." (Stomps off) (Pinky and Brain blink at Plotz, and then head out. Plotz has his guards begin to clean up the mess, including taking the squashed Ralph, Mr. Director, villains, and the immobilized Roboo-cop to the medical department) (Pinky and Brain head out the studio entrance) BRAIN: "Peanut Butter." PINKY: "What, Brain?" BRAIN: "That's what they used to get Mr. Ed to talk. They put peanut butter under his lip, which he then tried to lick off, giving the illusion that he was moving his lips. They used peanut butter." PINKY: "Oh... Thanks Brain. *ABE*" Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon Zone(Suddenly, they hear someone sniffling. They look over by the entrance, and see a figure sitting, head bent over its knees) BRAIN: "I don't believe it…" (They approach the figure) BRAIN: "You have some nerve, sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. After all you did to us!" (The figure looks up. It's Snowflake. His cheeks are tear-streaked) SNOWFLAKE: "Please, try to understand. I just wanted to finish what my father started. I just wanted justice for what happened to him. I wanted to find some reason for his leaving... I… I…" (Drops his head in his hands, sobbing) BRAIN: (Angrily) "You want a reason, huh? I'll give you a reason…" (But suddenly Pinky pulls him aside) PINKY: "Brain, maybe we can help him." BRAIN: "What are you talking about? After what he did to us?" PINKY: "Poit! He didn't know what he was doing. He was just trying to carry on his father's work Brain. Think of your father." BRAIN: "My father's a dolt." PINKY: "But you still love him… *PLEASE* Brain. Can't we help Snowflake?" BRAIN: (His temper running short) "Are you kidding? He..." PINKY: (Sternly) "No, I am not kidding! I want to help him." (Softening, looking back at Snowball, who's still in tears) "Look at him Brain. He's so sad there… we can't just leave him." (Brain is suddenly touched at the sight of Snowflake, and the sound of Pinky's voice) BRAIN: "Well… he did get rid of Faust for us." PINKY: (Cheerfully) "Which means we don't have to live with Elmyra anymore!" BRAIN: "We'll see..." (Sighs, huffily) "Oh, Very well." (They approach Snowflake) "What is it you need?" SNOWFLAKE: (Sniffing) "My father." PINKY: "We'll take you to him!" BRAIN: (Turning around to face Pinky) "Pinky! What if he sends him through the gene splicer! We'll have them both on our hands!" SNOWFLAKE: "I promise I won't. I just want to see him one more time." BRAIN: "Why should I believe you?" SNOWFLAKE: "I promise on the legacy of my father." (Brain realizes that Snowflake is telling the truth. His face softens, and he and Pinky offer their hands, and hoist Snowflake to his feet) BRAIN: "Come then. We will venture to the Island of Dr. Mordeau, and return by tomorrow night." PINKY: "Why, Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night?" SNOWFLAKE: (Feeling better, with a slight grin) "The same thing he does every night, Pinky." SNOWFLAKE & BRAIN: "Try to take over the world!!!" (Theme) They're dinky, they're Pinky, Dot, Babs, Buster, Freakazoid, Snowflake, Yakko, Wakko, Mr. Director,… (Slappy barges in) SLAPPY: "Hey, finish it already! This story's long enough!" (Theme) and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain... (Cut to Cosgrove, turning off the TV) COSGROVE: "That was great, I love happy endings. I wonder what Freakazoid wanted." (Final note of orchestra sounds) THE END. ABSOLUTELY THE END. THIS THING IS LONG ENOUGH! Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon Zone(Wipe to inside a well furnished living room, with a roaring fireplace. Freakazoid sits in a large arm chair, wearing a robe, with a fez atop his head, and blowing bubbles from a pipe) FREAKAZOID: "If you enjoyed today's fan-fic, here's some books you should check out at your local library! Books are good! I like books! You should like books too!" --"Manos: The Hands of Fate" --"Gear by Doug TenNaple" -- and "Weed Memlo's House of Style" "I like books! Heh-heh! It's like food for my noggin!" "AAAARGH! I LIE LIKE WILMA! WATCH TV! WATCH THE WB OR ELSE THEY'RE SCREWED FOREVER!... Then I'll never make that comeback. Just me and Waynehead..." *THE END* Back to Top Back to the WBC Fan-Fic Archive Back to Toon Zone |
