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Go West Young Fox!
(starring Foxy)

by Pietro

[Opens out in the ol' west where the population is 100 (bang!), wait! 99 (bang!), wait, no 98 (bang! bang! bang! bang! bang! bang!) - OK,make it  92. In town a local cowboy is chased, then shot by an outlaw.  An undertaker goes out and measures the dead body and takes it in. Next, we see a good shot of the prairie as the narrator talks.]

Narrator:  Ah! The ol' west!  What a delightful site. And here comes our typical western hero NOW!

[We quickly move back to town where we see Foxy looking at a sign "free beer" for typical western heroes.]

Foxy: Oh boy!

[Foxy walks in where everybody is drinking, smoking, eating, and playing cards]

Foxy: Now for some beer!

[Foxy walks up to the bartender]

Foxy: One free beer for a typical western hero.

Bartender: I hope you know that includes drinking tax, being a western hero tax, being in this story tax, walking in this bar tax, and finally reading our free beer sign tax.

Foxy: It's a crime, but I'll pay it! Anything for a beer!

[We go back to the prairie and see the villain  (who resembles Pete from the Disney cartoons) riding on a horse.]

Narrator:  Now here comes the villain!

villain: Yeah that's right, I'm the villain! I'm not the kind of villain who steals the gal like in all of these western pictures. I'm the "kill everybody in sight" villain. Any objections?

Narrator: Why yes I..(bang!)

[The villain shoots the narrator.]

villain: And that was for sayin' an objection!

[We cut back to the bar]

Foxy (with empty beer glasses around him and drunk): I think I (hic!) I think I (hic!).   Aw heck, I had enough to drink (hic!).

[Villain walks in and everybody leaves very fast. The villain approaches the bartender aiming a huge gun in his face.]

Villain: OK pal, hand over the dough.

Foxy (drunk): HEY!  Why don't ya pick on (hic!) someone your own size (hic!)!

Villain: Like you?

Foxy (drunk): But, I'm not your size.

Villain: Who cares? I'll pick on you anywho!

[They starting fighting forming a cloud. But then they stop fighting and look at each other with an angry look.]

Narrator #2:  For the benefit of the fight fans who are reading this we will tell you all the blows.

[Bell rings (a la boxing) and they commence the fight]

Narrator #2: And there they go with a right!

[We pause and see the villain punch Foxy with his right arm.]

Narrator #2: And there they go with a left!

[We pause and see Foxy punch the villain with his left arm.]

Narrator #2: And there's a nice bang on the head.

[We pause and see Foxy hit the villain with a huge mallet.]

Narrator #2: And there's the ol' eye-poker!

[We pause and see the villain poke Foxy in the eyes with his two fingers.]

Narrator #2:  It's getting too rough..I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT!

[The two stop to see that Narrator #2 fainted. Foxy taps the villain on the shoulder.]

Foxy: Shall we continue?

Villain: Yes. Let's shall.

[They keep on fighting until they crash into a liquor storage room. The next scene we see is Foxy and the villain getting drunk and singing "How Dry I Am!"]

Narrator #3: Wait a second! You're supposed to be fighting!

Villain: Aw, shut up!

[The villain throws a brick at the narrator.]

Foxy: Ya know, we loose more narrators that way!

THE END

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