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"The Bugs Bunny Show - Episode: FF02: He's Just a Coooool Cat"

written by Jon Cooke, Jack Tatay, Thad Komorowski, and Pietro

(Opens on the WB logo where Bugs pops out of)

Bugs: Eh, dis folks is a Warner Bros.-Seven Arts Television Presentation

Announcer: THE BUGS BUNNY SHOW! Brought to you by......

Bugs: POST!

(Elmer Fudd is at home eating "Post Alpha-Bits" for breakfast)

Elmer: Oh boy, Post Alpha-Bits for bweakfast! My favowite!

(Bugs pops in the window)

Bugs: Eh, doc! You should give your post cereals to those less fortunate!

Elmer: Wike who?

Bugs: Like me, doc!

(Bugs grabs the cereal box)

Elmer: Oh, you wascally wabbit! Come back with my dewcious golwden Alpha-Bits!

Bugs: Never! It's A-B-C-Delicious!

Elmer: Come back, wabbit!

(Elmer runs up to a cop - who looks like Bugs in disguise)

Elmer: Officer, a wabbit just stole my Alpha Bits!

Cop (Bugs): You mean, those yummy Alpha-Bits, like these?

(Bugs pulls out the box, opens it, and eats a handful of the cereal)

Elmer: Yeah, wike those.....hey!

Bugs: It's A-B-C-Delicious, Fuddsy!

Elmer: Oh you WABBIT!

Bugs: Oh you kid!

Elmer: Ooooo, I hate wabbits!....but I wove my Alpha-Bits cereal!

Bugs: And YOU'LL love 'em too! (points to audience)

(Curtain opens and Bugs and Daffy march out on stage)

Bugs and Daffy (Singing): Overture, curtain, lights! This is it. The  night of nights. No more rehearsing or nursing a part. We know every part by heart! (cane flip) Overture, curtain, lights! This is it. We'll hit the heights! And oh, what heights we'll hit! On with the show, this is it!

(Tweety, Speedy Gonzales, Hippety Hopper, Yosemite Sam, Sylvester, Elmer Fudd, Pepe 'Le Pew, The Road Runner, Wile E. Coyote, and Foghorn Leghorn march across the stage)

Bugs and Daffy (Singing): Tonight what heights we'll hit! On with the show, this is it!

Announcer: Starring that Oscar-winning rabbit, Bugs Bunny!

Bugs: Tonight's guest host is dat really groovy guy, Cool Cat!

Colonal Rimfire (at home watching television): Cool Cat?!

(Cool Cat walks on stage)

Cool Cat: Hi everyone! It's me Cool Cat! I'm probably the GROOVIEST host ever, man! I just hope Colonal Rimfire doesn't appears on the show too!

Rimfire (at home): Now's my chance to finally catch that Cool Cat!

Cool Cat: Now, Tonight I was supposed to show some square cartoon called "Often an Orphan." So, I brought my own cartoon to show, "Injun Trouble!" And best of all, Colonel Rimfire isn't in it!

Rimfire (at home): WHAT!?

Cool Cat: Yup. 100% Colonel Rimfire free!

Rimfire (at home): Why that little........

Cool Cat: Roll the cartoon, man!

("Injun Trouble" comes on. Later, the cartoon finishes)

Cool Cat: That was one groovy cartoon, man!

(Colonel Rimfire runs on stage)

Rimfire: Tallly hooooo!!!!

Cool Cat: Oh great, look who's here! Colonel Rimfire and his mechanical elephant, Hellen? Fella? Hella? Hey man! What's the name of your mechanical elephant?

Rimfire: Quiet! You blasted Cat!

(Aims gun at Cool Cat)

Rimfire: Now, run THIS cartoon that I picked out!

(Colonel Rimfire hands Cool Cat a reel of film)

Cool Cat: Like, what is it?

Rimfire: It's called "Hippydrome Tiger" one of my greatest films yet!

Cool Cat: Oh brother, not that one! I was going to play a cartoon with Porky Pig and Daffy Duck!

Rimfire: What's wrong with "Hippydrome Tiger?"

Cool Cat: YOU'RE in it!

Rimfire: What's wrong with having me in it, you tiger?

Cool Cat: You're a square, man, you can't act!

Rimfire: Oh, so I can't act, eh?

Cool Cat: The elephant has more talent than you, man!

Rimfire: I'll show you REAL talent!

(Colonel Rimfire starts shooting at Cool Cat)

Cool Cat: That's not talent, man. That's just plain old bad. And now a word from our sponsor while I deal with this!

(Commerical opens on Road Runner running around)

Road Runner: Beep! Beep!

(Wile E. Coyote sets up a Kool-Aid stand to catch the Road Runner)

Wile E. Coyote: Oh, hello everyone, I'm Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius! When the Road Runner pulls on the cut, he will blow up! Egads! I'm SUCH a genius!

(Wile E. hides behind a rock. The Road Runner comes by, but doesn't pick up the cup, he drinks out of it with his beak, he then speeds off)

Wile E. Coyote: Hummm.......

(Wile E. comes out, and sees the unmoved, empty cup)

Wile E. Coyote: He was supposed to pick it up!

(Wile E. picks up the cup and it explodes)

Wile E. Coyote: Oh well, I think I'll have a nice glass of ....HEY where'd my two quarts of Kool-Aid (which you can buy for just five cents!) go?

(It turns out that the Road Runner is carrying the quarts of Kool-Aid while zipping along the road)

Road Runner: Beep! Beep!

Wile E. Coyote: Anyway, buy naturally flavored Kool-Aid, kids!

(We return to "The Bugs Bunny Show")

Cool Cat: Well, I sure knew how to handle the Colonel!

(We cut to Colonel Rimfire backstage, tied up)

Cool Cat: But, I decided to give my elephant friend here a shot at hosting. So who don't you introduce the next cartoon?

(The elephant says nothing and just stays there motionless)

Cool Cat: Now don't be shy! Say something! Well, anyway, our next cartoon is called "Porky Pig's Feat." Roll it, man!

("Porky Pig's Feat" comes on. Later, the cartoon finishes)

Cool Cat: Come on, don't be shy!

Rimfire: Stop bothering my elephant Cool Cat!

(Colonel Rimfire spits out bits of rope, he chewed his way out)

Cool Cat: Colonel Rimfire!

Rimfire: Yes, it's me! I have returned, you blasted Tiger!

Cool Cat: Man, you can't even do a good return scene! You couldn't act your way out of a cardboard box, man!

Rimfire: WHAT? That's an outrage! Show my cartoon or I'll blast you this minute, you blasted Tiger!

Cool Cat: You couldn't even BLAST ME!

(Colonel Rimfire aims his gun at him and.......)

Cool Cat: What do you know, no bullets!

Colonel Rimfire: No bullets?

Cool Cat: See for yourself, Daddy-O!

(Colonel Rimfire looks into the gun and gets blasted)

Cool Cat: What do you know, one bullet left!

Rimfire: Blast! I should've known, this old gag ALWAYS happens!

(Daffy Duck enters)

Daffy: Wait just a minute! You're stealing gags from my pictures!

Cool Cat: Hey man! We're cool!

Daffy: You better not reuse anymore of my gags!

Cool Cat: Sure, man!

Daffy: ... or I'll be calling my lawyers!

(Daffy exits)

Cool Cat: Like, where were we?

Rimfire: You were about to show "Hippydrome Tiger", my finest performance!

Cool Cat: No, I was about to show "Super Rabbit."

Rimfire: "Hippydrome Tiger!"

Cool Cat: "Super Rabbit!"

Rimfire: "Hippydrome Tiger!"

Cool Cat: "Super Rabbit!"

Rimfire: "Hippydrome Tiger!"

Cool Cat: "Super Rabbit!"

Rimfire: "Hippydrome Tiger!"

Cool Cat: "Super Rabbit!"

Rimfire: "Hippydrome Tiger!"

Cool Cat: "Hippydrome Tiger!"

Rimfire: "Super Rabbit!"

Cool Cat: "Hippydrome Tiger!"

Rimfire: "Super Rabbit!"

Cool Cat: All right, you talked me into it, we'll show "Super Rabbit."

Rimfire: Why, yes......HUH?! Wait a minute, I didn't want...

("Super Rabbit" begins before Rimfire can finish. Later, the cartoon ends)

Rimfire (as if he had been arguing for a while): I don't care if there can only be three cartoons, I want "Hippydrome Tiger!"

Cool Cat: Man, we're, like, outta time!

(Daffy comes in again)

Daffy: There's the gag thief!

(Daffy points to Colonel Rimfire)

Daffy: You'll be hearing from my lawyers!

Rimfire: What?? Ooooooh, it was that Cool Cat!! It's all HIS fault!

Cool Cat: Man, this guy just blamed it on me, and look and that criminel figure, he's your man! Like, I'm splittin' Daddy-O! Come on elephant......

(Cool Cat and the elephant leave)

Bugs: Eh, here's next week's coming attractions, folks!

(The "Coming Attractions" roll. There's a card that says "FEATURING BUGS BUNNY"... a clip from "Baseball Bugs"... another card "FEATURING DAFFY DUCK"... a clip from "Draftee Daffy"... last card "FEATURING SYLVESTER AND TWEETY" and a clip from "Home Tweet Home." The curtain comes down and the end credits roll as an instrumental of "This Is It" plays.)

Chorus: This is the Bugs Bunny Show!

Announcer: The Bugs Bunny has been brought to you by.......Tang! The instant breakfast drink with new natural orange flavor!

Bugs: Drink Tang Gang! It's Tang-a-riffic!

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!

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