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The Package Deal
By: Dot, Craig, The Siren, Brainatra, Flaminchicken, & Dr. Belch


[Opens outside Warner Brothers Studios.   Hundreds of people are seen running and screaming out of the studio gate, with Wakko, Dot and Yakko in that order close behind.]

Wakko: Wait!

Yakko: He didn’t say “Simon Says” yet!

Wakko: That’s not what I was doing with them.

Dot: Well, they probably didn’t want to see you make bubbles with your spit.

Wakko: That’s not what I was doing, either.

Yakko & Dot: [Truly stunned]  IT WASN’T?!?

Wakko: [Smiling] No!  I was just asking them to take this special basket to...

Yakko: [Scared] No.

Dot: It can’t be!

Wakko: Yes, it’s going to...

Yakko & Dot: Don’t say it!

Wakko: Mr. Director. [Yakko and Dot scream] Googi Goop wanted me to take it to him.

Yakko: There’s a name I haven’t heard in awhile.

Dot: Why you?

Wakko: I don’t know....but I do owe her a favor.  She found my nose, y’know.   I don’t want to take it to him...so I tried to give it to some people...only they knew who he is and

Yakko: [Interrupting] Screamed and ran wildly out of the studio?

Wakko: Yeah.

Dot: How’re we going to get it to him?

Yakko: We? [Dot gives Yakko a bad look] oh...yeah...we. [Yakko snaps his fingers and a light bulb appears above his head.  Wakko spots it, picks it out of the air and eats it in one gulp.  Wakko spots Yakko and Dot’s confused looks.]

Wakko: It’s a light snack!

Yakko: Are you pondering what I’m pondering?

Wakko: I think so, Yakko, but what if the high heels don’t fit on our ears anymore? [Dot, with a VERY confused look on her face, opens her mouth as if to ask a question, but decides not to.]

[Shift to Pinky and the Brain]

Pinky & Brain: You stole my bit!!

[Back to the Warners]
 
Wakko: Oops...sorry....

Yakko: Well, then, there's only one thing to do.

Wakko: Make fun of the Disney Channel?

Dot: Bake a ham?

Yakko: No, sibs, we must...deliver this basket!

Dot: There's a plot.

Yakko: Hey, it's better than "Wings Take Heart."

Wakko: Alright, then...where *is* Mr. Director?

Dot: I think he's directing a new film.

Yakko: Oh, yeah! _Free Willy XIV: Yet Another Rescue_!

Wakko: I'm scared!

Dot: Don't worry, Wakko. It could be worse.

Yakko: True. We could be sweatin' to the oldies.

Dot: Or listening to campaign speeches.

Yakko: In the year 1999.

Dot: With Al Gore & the son of George Bush.

Wakko: I don't know if I could take it!

Yakko: Then we're off!

Warners: [Sung] We're off to see the Director! The director of _Waterworld 2_! Because, because, because, becaaaaaaauuuuuuuusssse!

Wakko: Because we've got a package for him!

[Dot & Yakko look disgustedly at Wakko]

Wakko: Hey, it fit!...kinda....

[We cut to the Warners riding in a golf cart along Hollywood Blvd. They pull up to Mann's Chinese Theater and climb out. A man walks up to them.]

Man: Would you like tickets to a taping of the Howie Mandel Show?

Yakko: Ehhhhhhhhhhh....Maybe some other time.

Wakko: Doesn't Brain do the announcing on that show?

Dot: Nah, I think it's Squit.

Wakko: It is not! It's Brain!

Dot: It's Squit!

Wakko: It's Brain!

Dot: It's Squit!

[Yakko leans down and covers their mouths]

Yakko: It doesn't matter. [To the man] By the way, have you seen...[He whispers into the man's ear]

Man: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [He throws his tickets in the air, puts his hands on his head, and runs away.]

Dot: Hm. Guess not.

[The Warners cross the street and go to the McDonalds]

Wakko: Mmm, these are good burgers.

Dot: Not just good. They're great!

Yakko: And these are the best fries I've ever had!

Wakko: Hey, don't we have an exclusive deal with Wendy's now?

Yakko: Oh, yeah. Well, then, eeehhhh...on with the search!

Wakko: Where is the studio where they're filming, Yakko?

Yakko: I dunno. Check the script.

Dot: 'Cording to this, it's all the way back in the other direction.

Yakko: Whoops. Well, come sibs we must return to the cart and head to the HEART of the studio.

Dot: We used that gag last time.

Yakko: Oh. right. well, eeehhhh...did I do the two paddleballs at once bit?

Wakko: Yup.

Yakko: Let's face it sibs. All the best stuff really has been done.

Dot: Yeah...

Wakko: And we did it all!

[Cut to Bugs]

Bugs: Eh, watch it, you upstarts. By de way, how much do I get fer dis cameo?

[Hand comes in, offers him large sum of money. His eyes become $ signs as a bar of "I'm in the Money"  plays. He pockets it quickly, then smiles sheepishly at us]

Bugs: Eh-heh.

[Back to the Warners, now on their way...]

Wakko: I've gotta go potty!

Dot: We'll be right back after this word from our sponsors.

Yakko: G'night, everybody!

[We cut to Slappy's treehouse, where we see her watching all of this from her armchair on her 1950's-vintage TV set...]

Slappy: Yeesh, this episode's *almost* as bad as that "Gift of Gold" thingamajig...[*Shudder*]...

[Cut back to the Warners, still trying to find something original to do in this plotline]

Yakko: ...did we do that "Cartoon Individual" bit already?

Dot: Yep.

Yakko: did we do that "polka-dot" gag already?

Dot: [Cringes at the memory] *Yes*!

Yakko: have we done that thing where it looks like we're standing in two places at once whenever someone turns around to walk away from us?

Dot: Not for awhile....

Yakko: Great! Let's use *that* again!

Wakko & Dot: *OK!*

Yakko: [Walks up to some poor schmuck sitting in the McDonalds] Hi! You for no apparent reason are our new special friend!

PoorSchmuck: Then I will run from you! [Turns around and sees the Warners on the other side of him] Aaagh! [Turns back around, holy shnikes! There they are!] Aagh! Little do you know, there are actually 4  possible directions I could go! [Runs behind him] AAGH! [Camera pulls out... there's 4 sets of Warners]

Dot1: Well.. umm... this is different.

Yakko1: Can we... fix this?

Wakko: Maybe if we did it again.

[Each set of Warner Sibs claims a new special friend and does the trick. There are then 8 sets of Warners.]

ALL the Warners: UH-OHHHHHHHHHH.

Yakko1: Uh, any ideas how to get outta this one, guys?

Wakko1: Ooh, ooh, I know!

[Wakko1 reaches into his gag bag, pulls out a windshield wiper, and begins wiping the background behind the Warners, revealing a new McD's background without the extra Warners].

Yakko: Thanks, Wakko!

Wakko: Don't mention it.

Dot: Gee, I wonder what could've went wrong? That sort of thing's never happened to us before...

Yakko: True; but no time to figure that out now---let's get back to the studio!

Wakko & Dot: Right!

Yakko: But first...

[The Warners walk up to some guy with an armful of promo items from the latest Pixar computer animated movie effort, and do the "two places at once" bit to him, causing him to scream and throw his promo stuff up in the air...]

[Cut back to Slappy's house, where we see her growing even more agitated/bored...]

Slappy: I can't believe this cruddy stuff here! First they do that lame "two places at once" gag-thing that got old by the Truman administration, then they rip off my "windshield wiper background" bit!

[Watches the screen, where the Warners continue to annoy everyone with the same "two places at once" gag]

Slappy: And now they're doing that "two places" gag *again*! Yeesh! I think it's time to go show the Warners a thing or two about repetition and plot advancement....and *plagiarism*! Heh, heh...

[Slappy falls asleep... she's still tired from the LAST crossover. We cut to the Warners.]

Wakko: [Holds out his mighty gloved hand to Yakko and Dot who are annoying some dude] STOP!

Dot: Whassamatta, Yakko.

Wakko: I'm Wakko.

Dot: Oh, sorry. I always get you two mixed up... kinda like John Linnell and John Flansburgh...

Wakko: We need to stop. I'm not having fun anymore!

Yakko: Well... me neither really... we could try...um...

Dot: We could get all dramatic and dark and learn to bleed!

Wakko: No, it's time for something totally new! [Wakko grabs Dot and turns her around placing her on her head. He looks at her in deep ponderance.] Hmmmm.... [He picks Yakko up and places him upside down next to Dot] ummm... I forgot what I was doing.

Dot: Wait... I just got an idea... [Dot goes through an elaborate change sequence] I am now in a schoolgirl uniform!... I forgot what I was doing too. 

Yakko: Aaaaaaaa....... let me try something... [Yakko puts on a shirt] Ta-daaaaaa! Geez, we have done just about all we can do, haven't we?

Wakko: That's it! I'm going out there, and I'm gonna have fun! [Wakko storms out. Yakko and Dot blindly follow him].  Let's go... to... MOREBUCKS COFFEE!!! 

Yakko: Wait-wait-wait...Yakko

Wakko: I'M WAKKO!

Yakko: Oh... right... you're not supposed to have coffee.

Wakko: Not supposed to! Yes! That's just what I need! A good old thing that I'm not supposed to do!

Dot: Ohhh... I hate when he gets like this...

Yakko: He never gets like this.

Dot: That's why it's creeping me out. You know what happens when he has coffee.

Yakko: I do?

Dot: I was hoping you knew. All I know is that he isn't supposed to have it.

[Cut to interior of Morebuck's Coffee.  Wakko plunks himself down on a stool and bangs his fist on the  counter.]

Wakko: Service! Service!

[The counter attendant turns around. She's a dead ringer for that Courtney Cox chick on "Friends". Wakko is drooling profusely, tongue out.] 

C.C. Lookalike: Can I help you, or are you just browsing?

Wakko: Well.... [Ponders all the dirty little implications of the term "browsing"] Gimme a mocachino expresso double latte cream and sugar triple dipple ripple whatchamahoosits, with a cherry on top.

[Yakko and Dot arrive on the scene just in time to watch their sibling get his drink and chug the sucker down.]

Yakko & Dot: FOR THE LOVE OF TEX AVERY, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
 
[The effect on Wakko is instantaneous. He leaps out of his chair and does just like Roger Rabbit did in the movie when he took a swig of bad hooch--blows steam out of his mouth, jumps about, trashes the joint, curses explosively, and generally makes a nuisance of himself. Finally he settles down and grins a blissful grin.]

Wakko: Ehhhhh...a touch on the weak side.

[Yakko & Dot give him a strange look.]

It is then that Mr. Director enters the establishment. He doesn't notice the Warners, for his head is buried in a copy of Variety. He addressed the C.C. Lookalike in a serious, somber tone.]

Mr. D: [not looking up from paper]: The usual, my dear little skinny counter lady. And please hurry. I am a genius.

[Yakko, Wakko, & Dot look at each other and grin broadly as a strain of "Pop Goes the Weasel" plays.]

[Mr. Director turns around and spots the Warners]

Mr. D: FROINLAVENSHOIL!!! IT'S THE WEIRD PUPPY CHILDREN!!

Warners: Hi, Mr. Director!

Yakko: Say, Mr. Director, what is your real name, really?

Mr. D: Hoy! You don't my real name know? I performed with the Italian guy. The one who drank too much and sang! With Frank! Froinlaven!

Wakko: [Puzzled] Johnny Carson?

Slappy: [At home, who has awaken] No, you fool!

Yakko: I..ehhh...don't think he's Italian.

Slappy: C'mon you morons!

Mr. D: [Back to serious] You know. "You're nobody till somebody loves you..."

Wakko: Is he dead?

Mr. D: Sadly....

[The Warners look puzzled at each other]

Slappy: [From home] For the love of Mike! You stupid Warners....

[Dot pops out of the TV and grabs Slappy by the neck]

Dot: If you don't stop telling us what to do, I'm going to make you need the love of Mike!

Slappy: Okay, Okay! But I need all the love I can get! [Dot releases her and goes back into the TV] You're going to pay for that, you little imp... [She changes the channel]

[Cut back to the Warners]

Yakko: Let's go back to the McDonald's

Wakko: No, I don't want to go back there. They charge a quarter just to use the potty!

Dot & Yakko: Really?

Yakko: [Close up, rubs his hands together] Anyone want to see if we can break into a McDonald's potty?

Mr. D: Weren't you kids looking for something at the beginning of this cartoon.

Yakko: Oh, yeah! [His face suddenly changes to a blank look, and his eyes go off center, and in the loudest voice...] NARF!!!

Wakko: [To Yakko & Dot] What about the package we're supposed to deliver?

Dot: Don't you have it?

Wakko: I thought Yakko had it. [Dot & Wakko stare at Yakko]

Yakko:....um...I sorta left it in North Dakota.

Dot: NORTH DAKOTA???

Wakko: How'd it get there? We weren't in North Dakota this whole cartoon!

Yakko: I took it there when Dot was strangling Slappy.

Dot: Why?

Yakko: I was trying to memorize "Wakko's America" and forgot North Dakota's capital. So I went to find out.

Wakko: Bismarck.

Yakko: Thanks!

Dot: Oh well...let's go visit Googi.

Wakko: Why?

Dot: That basket is her problem!!!!

Yakko: [Sung] We're off to see the director!!! the dir-

Wakko: I thought I was the weird one....

Dot: to North Dakota!

Wakko: To visit Googi Goop!

Yakko: To give her this basket!

Dot: For no apparent reason!!!

[In ND...]

Yakko: Gosh, this is such a strange, strange, place...

Dot: I thought you were just here five minutes ago!

Yakko: Oh, yeah! Things have changed so much since then. Like, eehhh...that piece of paper was right over there...now it's there!

Wakko: Faboo! Can we see the Knife & Heart Rivers?

Dot: Or Lake Sakakawea?

Yakko: That sounds like a song cue!

Warners: [Sung] LAKE SAKAKAWEA! OH, LAKE SAKAKAWEA! WITH WATERS SO TRANQUIL AND BLUE...

Slappy: Ah, fer the luv a' Al Gore, all the good bits really have been done. Unfortunately, this isn't one of 'em...

Dot: [Coming out of TV] You wanna talk?

Slappy: Yeah. Ever heard a little word called "plagarism"?

Dot: Oh, you should talk, Ms. Who's on Stage! Like that bit hasn't been done to death...

Slappy: Whaddaya mean?

Dot: Abbott & Costello, Johnny Carson, that really bad TV sitcom which I can't think of the name of...

Slappy: Old gag. New twist.

Yakko: [From TV] Then kindly let us do our job.

Slappy: Fine.

[Meanwhile, ACME Labs...]

Brain: Pinky, this is the worst drivel I've ever watched.

Pinky: NARF! I rather like it!

Brain: You make it WAY too easy, Pinky...

[A tight close-up on Brain's scowling face. Pull back to reveal it as the image on a television screen. Pan back to show Walter Wolf seated in a shabby armchair in his underwear, a  bag of pretzels near at hand and a can of beer in his hand.  He looks disgusted.]

Walter: Oy, what in the--? These meshugenah shmendricks call this good writing? Now back in the thirties and forties, when I was in the biz--THAT was writing! I wouldn't trust whoever wrote this script to address an envelope for me! [Walter coughs, swigs his beer, belches and pounds on his chest.]

[Pan back into the TV screen.]

[Meanwhile, Y,W,&D go walking down the street looking for the lost package. They then spot what looks like it on a corner near a garbage can...but before they get there, Runt bolts in and snatches it in his teeth.]

Runt: Mmmm-mmm! Meat! Oh boy! Definitely meat! Mmmm-mmm!! Rita will love this! Yeah! Definitely love this!

[Runt disappears down an alley with the package in tow.]

Wakko: Hey! That dirty mutt's got the package! We're gonna have to wrestle him for it!

Yakko: Hey-hey, great. I've been practicing my sleeper hold. [Pulls out a
pillow and a nightcap and grins broadly.]

Dot: [sighs]: You ever have one 'a them days, folks? 

[The Warners chase Runt down the alley. Before he can get to the alley's end, Wakko tackles Runt, and begins one of those cartoon "cloud fight" scenes. We hear Wakko *and* Runt growling like dogs the whole time. When the cloud clears, we see Wakko holding the package in his mouth, growling a bit, and Runt running off into the distance...]

Yakko: All right! *Gooood* boy!

Wakko: [Spits out the package] Thanks! Now can we go back to that coffee shop? We still haven't found out what that Mr. Director's guy's name is yet!

Dot: Or harassed him with our "unique talents" yet!

Yakko: OK, siblings! Let's go!

[The Warners head back to the coffee  shop at Warp 9, where we see Mr. Director still drinking his coffee and looking through Variety.]

Warners: [Sneaking up behind him] *Hiyeee!*

Mr. D.: [Spits coffee] OY! What ...you ...kids ...look  ...like ...puppies ...bug ...me ...with ...that ...thing...again?

Wakko: I think that almost made sense.

Yakko: Hey, buddy, you still haven't told us what your name is!

Dot: Yeah!

Mr. D.: [Serious voiced] If you kids are so uncultured as to not be able to gather who I am, I suggest you clear out of my sight at once!

[He turns back around to his table, only to see the Warners already sitting on the other side...]

Mr. D.: AAH! DON'T ...DO...THAT ...THING ...AGAIN...WITH ...THE ..TWO ...PLACES ...AT ...ONCE ...THING. ...PUPPY-CHILDREN!

[Cut to Slappy, slapping her hand against her face and fuming]

Slappy: AAAARGH! Not that gag *again!*

[Cut to Acme Labs, with Pinky laughing his head off.] 

Pinky:  Wha-hahaha! Two places at once! NARF! I can never get tired of that one! POIT!  

[Brain is ready to either pound Pinky or bang his head against a test tube over the recycling of this gag again---he hasn't decided yet...]

Yakko: Did we really have to do that gag again, guys? [Sounding philosophical/intellectual] I mean, does he *really* deserve it more than those guys at McDonald's did? Does *anyone*?

Dot: Uh, Yakko, this is *Mr. Director* here we're talking about!

Wakko: Yeah, Mr. [Imitates Director] *FREULAIDEN-NICE-PUPPY-CHILDREN* guy!

Yakko: [Back to normal voice] Oh, yeah! Never mind...

[The Warners slyly grin at Director, who gulps...]

Wakko: NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! You're that CLOWN! AAAAAGHHHHH! 

[Wakko eats Mr. Director]

Yakko & Dot: AAAAGH! 

Dot: I just remembered! Coffee makes him KILL!

Wakko: Don't worry... as long as nobody makes me angry. We'll be fine... now lets go have some fun!

Yakko: [Nervous] Ummm... yes! Fun! Heh-heh! 

Wakko: So, who's up for spit-bubble making?

Slappy: [Watching TV] Again?! What a yutz!

Wakko: [Sticks his head through the TV] SHUT UP, YOU DUMB OLD SQUIRREL! [Wakko eats Slappy]

Wakko: I... I hunger! I crave flesh! Living flesh!

[Cut to interior of Walter Wolf's house, where he has just seen Slappy get eaten by Wakko on TV. He laughs so hard he spills his beer and pretzels all over the place.]

Walter: Oy...oy...oy! I--I been waiting sixty years to see that! [Laughs until he coughs violently]

[Suddenly Wakko pops out of Walter's TV, all slavering and green-eyed. Walter clutches his heart in terror.]

Wakko: Mmmmmmmm-mmmmmmmm! Kosher!

[Wakko eats Walter with a loud chomp. A second later, he spits out Walter's rather unclean underwear.]

[Cut to Wakko's belly, interior. Slappy's eyeballs, heavy with makeup, are only visible in the gloom. She notices the eyeballs of her old buddy next to her.]

Slappy: Yepper. Eyeball gag #13B. Glad to see you, Walter old boy. How's tricks?

[Suddenly, Wakko feels a gloved hand slapping him in rapid motion...]

Yakko: Wakko, *snap* out of it! You're delirious!

Dot: *Now* I remember...coffee makes him start acting even weirder than normal!

Yakko: Yeah, even for us!

Wakko: Oops. Sorry about that; just daydreamin' what it'd be like to eat Slappy and Mr. Direct---KILL!  KILL! Must...consume...flesh!!

Yakko: WAKKO!

Wakko: [Sheepish grin] Heh, heh...sorry.

Yakko: Soooo...what were we just doing right now?

Wakko: uh....making bubbles with my spit?

Dot: Eeeeew, gross!

Yakko: Uh...how 'bout we just bother Mr. Director here some more until he tells us his name?

Wakko & Dot: OKAY!!

Yakko: So, who wants to start?

Dot: I do! I do! I've hardly had any decent lines in this episode!

Yakko: All right, sis! Go to it!

[Dot plops down into Mr. D's lap; Mr. Director looks at her nervously]

Dot: Uh.....Hi, I'm Dot. What's your name, Mr. Greasy-Hair-Head-Man?

Mr. D: [Seriously] My hair's *not* greasy, Miss Dot.

Dot: Uhhh....shoot, pass. Wakko?

[Wakko sits on Mr. D's lap as Dot gets out of it]

Wakko: Uhh.....wanna see me make bubbles with my spit?

Mr. D: [Still serious] I should think not!

Wakko: Uh....I'm done! [Leaves; Yakko gets on his lap]

Yakko: Aaaaaaah....wanna see me break my old paddleball record? [Whips out his paddleball, begins playing with it]

[Cut to Walter Wolf's house]

Walter: Ach! Whatta load of crud! I'm seeing if something else's on! [Turns to a show with Bob Saget in it]

[Cut to Slappy's house. We see her writhing in agony at the pointlessness of this scene]

Slappy: I can't stand this anymore! It's *worse* than that "Gift of Gold" thingamajig! [Throws a bomb at her TV a la "Slappy Goes Walnuts"; it explodes]

[Cut to Acme Labs]

Pinky: [Laughing hysterically] Wha-hahaha! "Two places at once!" TROZ! Ha-hah-hah- [Brain thwaps Pinky on the head with a pencil to get him to shut up ("*POIT!*")]

[Cut back to the coffeehouse; Yakko's still playing with the paddleball, with a bored looking Mr. Director. The other two Warners are now asleep]

Mr.D: [With bloodshot eyes, suddenly stands up] Jerry Lewis!

Warners: [All look up] What?

Mr.D: It's Jerry Lewis! My name is Jerry Lewis! I was with Dean Martin! I dumped my wife for a younger woman!  Froinlavenshoil!

Warners: [All look at each other, then back at Mr. D] No you're not!

Mr.D: Yes, I am!

Warners: No you're not!

Mr. D: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (he crashes through the wall and runs away)

Yakko: [Looking at the others] Ehhhhhhh, I think we need to meet Googi at Six Flags Magic Mountain!

Wakko: The Warner Brothers Merchandising Mecca?

Dot: With those really cool roller coasters and the really cute hot dog men?

Yakko: Ehhhh...yeah!

Warners: Let's go!

[The Warners arrive to meet Googi Goop at Six Flags Magic Mountain, a.k.a. Warner Bros. Merchandising Mecca, only to find an *incredibly* long line for admission]

Dot: Oh, no! I *hate* waiting in lines!

Wakko: Yeah; shouldn't we get in right away for being employees or something?

Yakko: Not anymore, sibs; ol' Plotzie took away our employee discount rights after we pulled that "two places at once" thing on him for the zillionth time...

Dot: [Annoyed] Yeah, and just *whose* bright idea was it to do *that* to him, huh, Mr. "beat-a-semi-amusing-running-gag-into-the-ground"?

[Dot and Wakko frown at Yakko, who nervously shifts around and gives a feeble grin and laugh, and begins to step backwards, only to bump into...]

Fanboy: (in full costume): Ohmigolly! It's really *you*! Look, everyone, it's the Warners!

[The other line-standers turn to look at the Warners, and begin to crowd  towards them...]

Dot: Great. Another fine mess you've gotten us into!

Yakko: Well, sibs, feel up to breaking the four-minute mile again?

Wakko & Dot: Nope.

Yakko: Okay, I guess it's up to me... [Motions for the approaching mob's attention] Hey, everybody! Thanks for your attention, we love ya, really! But need I remind you again of a certain pair that matches even our *own* popularity again?

Fan in crowd: Uhhh....Kenny and Cartman?

Yakko: [Mildly annoyed] Uhm, noooo....

Another fan: Er.... Ken and Monica?

Yakko: [Even more annoyed] *Noooo*...

Yet another fan: Leonardo Dicap---

Yakko: [Very annoyed] *NO!* [Calms down] I'm talking about--- [Reaches up in the air, and pulls down behind the Warners and the crowd the Acme Labs interior background. Brain looks dumbfounded, with Pinky merely dumb...] Pinky and the Brain!

Brain: What in the name of Granville T. Woods---

Pinky: [Still laughing] "wha-haha! Two places at--" [Looks around at the now-approaching crowd] Er, is this a bad thing, Brain?

Brain: No, Pinky, it's a plagiarized gag thing! Much to my annoyance....

[The crowd swarms the two lab mice, with a cartoon fight cloud breaking out]

Fan #1: I want a piece of his fur!

Fan #2: Will you sign my model infindibulator, Brain?

Fan #3: When are you going to get married to Billie, Brain?

Fan #4: What *do* you want to do with that duck and hose anyway, Pinky?

[Pinky and Brain are heard screaming in agony]

Yakko: Come, sibs, I think we'll have no problem getting into Six Flags now!

Wakko & Dot: Right!

Dot: [Muttering] despite Yakko ripping off another of our old gags yet *again*....

Yakko: [Off-screen] I heard that!

[The Warners are skipping down the street, their backs to the camera, in a scene very much like in "the Wizard of Oz. They're singing in munchkin voices, "We're off to go to Six Flags...the wonderful Six Flags of Oz. Pan back to show the image broadcast on a TV screen. Camera pans to the left to show Slappy and three members of the Histeria! cast--World’s Oldest Woman, Father Time, and Big Fat Baby--seated in comfy armchairs. Big Fat Baby in in Father Time's lap. Cut to exterior of a building with a sign out front reading THE MELODY MEADOWS HOME FOR RETIRED CARTOON STARS. We hear World’s Oldest Woman's voice complain, "What in the name of Sonny Tufts is this hogwash?"]

[Cut back to view of Slappy, WOW, FT, and BFB in their chairs.]

Slappy: Eh, I don't know. I was watchin' it over in my tree when I got cheesed off and blew the crap outta my set. I popped over here to see what you and the old-timer were watchin'.

WOW: Well, it stinks worse'n my feet on a hot day. I've squeezed hemorrhoids funnier'n this.

Slappy: Thanks for sharing.

[BFB rips a thunderous fart and grins, drooling happily.]

Slappy: I couldn'ta said it better myself, junior. 

WOW: There's a "Real McCoys" rerun on channel three.

FT: Hot dang! I'm a big fan of Walter Brennan.

[Slappy uses the tip of her umbrella to click over to Chan. 3.]

[Cut to a shot of the Warners still skipping along singing. All of a sudden they stop short and gasp. Cut to P.O.V. shot of what appears to be three very ticked-off network censors standing in the path glaring disapprovingly at our three heroes.] 

[The Warners stop.]

Yakko: Yeeeeeessssss?

Lydia: Hello, Lydia Karaoke, Network Censor. These are my assistants, Rick Mater & Matt Tube. We're here to cancel you.

Wakko: But why?

Rick: By order of Mr. Kellner.

Dot: But we're funny.

Matt: Network execs have no humor.

Lydia: Fact is, your plagaristic idiocy is costing the studio billions of dollars.

Rick: We have six lawsuits going on right now, with Disney, PBS, Pixar...

Dot: PIXAR?

Yakko: Remember that guy we bugged earlier in the story?

Dot: Oh yeah...

Rick: The WB Network itself, because of all your bashing of it...

Wakko: You’re suing yourselves?

Lydia: You can't trust anyone these days...

Matt: Pinky & the Brain...

Dot: I told you not to steal that "Are you pondering..." bit.

Wakko: NARF!

Rick: And Homer Simpson.

Warners: D'OH!

Yakko: Listen, pal, maybe you'd like to meet our pal, Mr. Anvil...

Dot: Or we could just give Wakko some more coffee...

[Cut to real-life Dot at her computer...]

Real Life Dot: PLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSE DON'T!

[Flaminchicken...]

Flaminchicken: Awww...

Craig: HEY! Get outta here! I'm writin' this bit!

All: Sorry...

[Back to the plot...]

Yakko: Look, we'd love to chat, so why don't you just step in here...

Lydia: OK. [All three censors step in to what appears to be a large black circle. We pull back to reveal a cannon.   BOOOM!!!!]

Yakko: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...don't think we'll be seeing them for awhile...

Wakko: What now?

Dot: Who knows? I'm lost by now. Let's just have some fun!

Yakko & Wakko: YEAH!

[Cut to Slappy at her treehouse.  She’s flipped over during the commercial break to see how the Warners are doing]

Slappy: Great....even the *censors* aren't in control of this razza-frazzin' thing....this thing had *better* end soon or I'm gonna---oops, the show's back on!

[Changes the channel back]

[The Warners suddenly hear the jingly sound of the ice cream man's truck coming and joyously scream, "Faboo! Ice cream!" Their legs spin wildly in preparation to go zooming ahead, then abruptly stop as they continue sauntering along at a normal pace, grinning goofily.]

Dot: How's that for pointless?

[Meanwhile The Hip Hippos, who happen to be out for a stroll, hear the ice cream man's bell too. Marita's mouth waters.]

Marita: Oh, Flavio, darling! The Good Rumor man is coming! Oh, I bet he has those delicious low-flat frogurts I like so much! [Stamps her feet like an impatient child; buildings tremble at her thundering footsteps] Oh, I want one! I want one!

Flavio: Worry not, my dear little one. You shall have this cold and creamy confection you desire. [He kisses her, and they head off to mean the ice cream truck.]

[Cut to the Warners as they hurry to meet the ice cream man, but stop shot as they see The Hip Hippos already in front of them.]

Yakko: Ah, dang!

Dot: WE have to wait in line!

Wakko: But I'm so stinkin’ hungry I'm about to eat myself!

[Marita and Flavio walk away. each with ice cream cones, and the Warners quickly grab the empty spot. Close-up on Flavio about to lick his cone when something globulous and white lands on top of it. He looks up, confused. Pan upwards to telephone wire overhead, where sit The Goodfeathers.]

Pesto: [Laughs raucously]: Heh heh! You see dat? I got him good!

Bobby: Badda-boom! All over that fat schmuck's ice cream cone! Direct hit!

Squit: Yeah, Pesto...you're the master.

Pesto: [Eyes narrowing]: Whaddayouse mean by dat?

Squit: [Worried]: I just said you're the master.

Pesto: [Getting aggressive]: Are youse saying dat I am a pre-Civil War slave owner on a tobacco plantation in Virginia someplace? Are you saying that I am some redneck with a whip here to beat pickaninnies for you? Is dat what youse saying?

Squit: [Really worried]: No, no, I ain't sayin' that! I just--

Pesto: I am the master.

Squit: Yeah! That's all I'm sayin'!

Pesto: [Slow burn as he gets angry]: DAT'S IT! COM'ERE, YOU F-- [The next words are drowned out as Pesto lunges at Squit and lands punches on his face, cursing explosively. Bobby is laughing his butt off. Pesto and Squit, in a cartoon fight cloud, fall from the wire, hit the pavement, and roll down the street, Pesto still cussing and giving it to Squit good. Y,W,and D watch, awed.]

[Zip pan to a shot of Lydia Karaoke, her clothes smoking a bit from her
last appearance, seated behind her desk and frowning sternly.]

Lydia: And I don't approve of the--[Wiggling her fingers in quote gestures] --"birdie poo-poo" gag either, mmmm-kay?  [Zip pan back to the Warners]

Yakko: Wow. An even more pointless cameo. We're soaking it in.

Dot: What's that mean?

Yakko: I don't know. Seemed like the wrong thing to say at the time. 

Wakko: I'm so confused.

[Cut to Walter Wolf:]

Walter: Heh, heh....give *that video* the $10,000! Hah!

[Cut back to the Warners, about to wreak more havoc...]

Yakko: all right! Let's have some *fun*!

Dot: If your proposal to have "fun" involves bending the laws of space and time for that lame "two places" bit *again*....

[Suddenly, who should show up but:]

Wakko: Don Knotts?

Yakko: The cast of TV's "Living Single"? Hellooooo, Kim Coles Nurse!

Dot: [Mildly annoyed at her brother's statement; then says:] Tom Cruise, I really, really, really, hope?

[Nope; it's--]

Googi Goop: *There* you are! And you have my package!

Yakko: Hey, it's Googi! I guess this story's finally gonna end after all!

Wakko, where's the package?

Wakko: Right here! *HERE!* *TAKE IT!* *I WANT THIS STORY TO END NOW!*

Dot: Apparently, that coffee hasn't completely gotten out of Wakko's system yet....

Yakko: Either that, or he has even less ideas of what we should do next than *I* do...

Googi: Thanks! [Kisses Wakko on the head, who instantly melts into a puddle on the ground] Well, so long, Warners!

Warners: Goodbye, Googi!

Yakko: Well, siblings, it looks like our work here is done! Come on, let's---

[Yakko stops talking, as they all see Mr. Director standing in line for cotton candy, and talking to that Courtney Cox Lookalike from the coffee shop]

Mr. D: Okay. Honey. Baby. Sweetie-pie. Look at me. I am a genius. I can make you big. Big, big, big. Today you are a waitress. Tomorrow, you could be a star in a big Hollywood blockbuster. The day after tomorrow, your career goes down the crapper and you're back to being a waitress again. But let us speak of tomorrow for now? What do you say? I'll come over to your place tonight about seven and we'll sign the papers and make it official. Tell me, do you live alone?

C.C. Lookalike: No, actually...I'm living with friends. 

Mr. D: Okay, look, let's head over to Euro-Disney, babe. This place, there is too much merchandise with these odd-looking puppy kidses.

C.C. Lookalike: 'Kay.

[Zip pan back to Y,W,and D, grinning happily.]

Yakko: Can we---?

Wakko: Only if I get to use my mallet this time afterwards!

Dot: [Sighs] Sure, why not? The writer's already beaten that gag into the ground *this* far...

[Cut to Brainatra typing away at his aging-yet-venerable Macintosh computer, laughing to himself: "heh, heh...two places at once....hah!"]

[Cut back to the Warners]

Yakko: OK, siblings! Let's go for it!

[As the Warners zip off, we see Googi standing by watching them. We then see her yank at her hair, to reveal a mask having been worn by...]

Slappy: [Spitting at the ground, with the thought of kissing Wakko having set in; then says to the camera:] Well, *somebody* had to end this thingamajig here! Hah! A shame I didn't get a chance to use any explosives, though....

Mr. D:  OY! THOSE ...PUPPY ...CHILDREN ...BOTHER ...ME ...WITH. ..THAT   ..THING...THEY ...DO...THAT'S...WEIRD WITH...THEIR....THING!  FREULAIDEN!

Slappy: Now *that's* plot closure!

[Off screen we hear a familiar voice shouting at Slappy...all 'r's are pronounced as 'w's...very squeaky]

Familiar Voice: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY BASKET AND MY DRESS ON?!?!?!?!

Slappy: Uh-oh.....[Googi Goop (and it really is her this time) storms onto the screen. She is really mad]

Googi: Where's Wakko?!?!?

Slappy: [Realizes she's off the hook] Over there, doing the “two places at once” gag to Jerry Lewis.

[Cut to ACME Labs with Pinky and the Brain]

Pinky: HAHAHAHA!! Two places at once!  NARF!!  [Brain looks like he is either going to scream or hit Pinky again]

[Cut back to Six Flags]

[Googi stomps over to Wakko, basket in hand]

Googi: I thought I told you to take this to Mr. Director!!

Wakko: He's right here-

Dot: He left.

Wakko: What?!? We were just doing that gag to him-

Yakko: He screamed and ran away with that Courtney Cox lookalike...shouted something about going to Euro-Disney.

[Googi practically throws the basket at Wakko, knocking him over.]

Googi: You better get it to him...NOW! [Wakko is really scared]

Dot: Hey! Leave him alone, Googi! He's the guy with the Wackily Wack! [Pulls out a script and looks through it]...Whatever that means...

Yakko: @@@@H....I don't think so....

Dot: Oh... I just got really mixed up there for a moment. Why don't all four of us go to Euro-Disney to deliver it to him?

Googi: Well...I was hoping for a call from my agent... [Warners give her really bad looks]...well...Okay!

Yakko: If we go, eeehhh, to that Place, it could result in MAJOR copyright issues.

Wakko: Oh well.

Dot: We'll let Ms. Karaoke & Mr. Kellner worry about that.

Wakko: Then we're off!!

[Cut to Euro Disney. Various Disney-character look-alikes wander aimlessly.]

Wakko: I wanna go on the Tilt-n-Hurl!

Googi: Can we PLEASE just find Mr. D?

[Suddenly Ricky Rat approaches...]

Ricky Rat: Hiya, guys!

Wakko: Go away. You frighten me.

Ricky Rat: Aw ...you need a hu--URK! [Wakko smashes the fool with a mallet. Suddenly, a coffee guy runs by.]

Coffee Guy: COFFEE! HOT, HOT COFFEE! LOTS O' CAFFEINE!

Wakko: I'll take one...!

Dot: [Covers his mouth] I don't think so.

[Cut to Slappy, now in Euro-Disney.]

Slappy: Like that gag hasn't been run into the ground...

[Back to the Warners.]

Dot: An American Warner in Euro-Disney. How romantic.

Yakko: Or it would be without him. [A Goofy Lookalike stumbles through.]

Wakko: Hey, look!

Warners: IT'S PLOTZY!

[They sneak up. He buys a hot dog. As he turns around, the Warners are RIGHT BEHIND HIM.]

Plotz: YAAAAHHHHHHH! I TOLD YOU KIDS NEVER TO DO THAT!

Yakko: Yeah, but you didn't tell him.

[We cut to Craig at his computer.]

Craig: Heh-heh. Right behind him. RIGHT BEHIND HIM!!!! HAH HAH HAAAAHH! [He falls off his chair]

[Back to the Warners]

Dot: Who was that?

Yakko: Some poor, deprived fanboy in desperate need of help.

Wakko: Try the Please Please Pleese Get a Life Foundation today.

Yakko: The life you get...may be your own.

Googi: HEY, LOOK! IT'S MR. DIRECTOR!

[Cut to ACME Labs, with Brain whapping his head against a test tube over the fact that this thing hasn't ended like he (and everyone else) thought it would....]

Pinky: *Wha-hahaha!* Two places...right behind him! TROZ *pant*...*pant*....er, hey, Brain, whatcha doing?

Brain: Contemplating the reasons *in favor* of having cancelled "Animaniacs" in its prime, Pinky...[Continues banging his head]

Pinky: Oh..POIT! [Goes back to laughing] *Hahaha!* Two places...right behind him! *ZORT*!

[Cut back to Euro Disney; the Warners have spotted Mr. D and are en route to intercepting him...]

Mr. D: ...and so, my dear, you'll be big. Bigger than Marilyn Monroe. Bigger than King Kong. Bigger than---

Warners: [Standing behind Mr. D] HELLO!

Mr. D: [Gags for a moment] OY! NO! NOT.. THE ... CHILDREN ...WHO...LOOK...LIKE..PUPPIES ...WITH  ..NO ...EYEBROWS ...DOING... THAT... THING... AGAIN... THAT... ME... NO... LIKE!  FREULAIVEN!

C.C. Lookalike: "Freulaiven"? Do you have some sort of a problem I should know about?

Yakko: Yeah, he uses motor oil for styling gel!

Dot: And also says "Flameel"!

C.C. Lookalike: Eyurk! No, thank you, Mr. D! Like, get another actress, like....[Thinks for a split moment] maybe *her*! [Points at Dot]

Mr. D: THE...GIRL...WITH...THE ...DAISY ..ON ...HER ...EAR ...THINGS? 

C.C. Lookalike: Yeah!

Dot: C'mon, be a pal! I've always wanted to star in a major over-budgeted movie! *Pleeeeease*?! [makes huge "cutesy eyes" at Mr. D.]

Mr. D: [Seriously] Oh, very well. Despite all the things you kids have done to me, you *do* have that special...something...but *please* don't sneak up behind me *or* do that "two places at once" thing to me again!

Warners: Uhhhhh.....

Mr. D: *GOOD*! LET'S GO....BACK TO THAT STUDIO ...PLACE ...WITH THE CAMERAS ...AND ...THE BIG BUDGET THINGS, WEIRD PUPPY CHILDREN!

Yakko: Uh, Dot, is doing this a good idea?

Dot: If we don't, we'll be subjected to a much crueler fate...

Wakko: What?

Dot: More of Yakko's "ideas" of what we should do!

[Yakko looks at Dot, Yakko briefly annoyed looking]

Wakko: Oh, yeah! C'mon, let's go!

[Mr. D, the Warners, and Googi all leave for the airport to head back to L.A. Cut to Slappy, who's already left the park and also is heading to the airport:]

Slappy: I don't freakin' believe this! Even *I* couldn't make this razza-frazzin' thing end! This next part had better be *good* or *else*!

[Burbank. WB Studios. Mr. D & the Warners walk along. Yakko is reading a newspaper.]

Yakko: lookit this. Plotzy was spotted in Euro Disney, & Eisner's gonna have him arrested as a spy sent by Warner Brothers.

Wakko: Oo, tough luck.

Dot: Just think, I'll be a star! *Sigh!* It's what I always wanted!

Yakko: All I ever wanted was to deliver that package.

Wakko: Yeah. I'm gad to be rid of it. I really feel like I've lightened my load.

Yakko: Exsqueeze me?

Dot: Hey, where is the package anyway?

Wakko: Googi has it. 

Dot: And where's...oh no...

[Cut to Googi, still in Euro Disney]

Googi: Yakko? Wakko? Mr. Director? Anyone? Help...

[At the studio...]

Dot: So, just what *is* this film about, anyway? If it's a sequel to "Titanic", I'd like a lead actor that's actually *reached* puberty, thank you very much...

Mr. D: [Seriously] Actually, you'll be playing opposite of me, my sweet little puppy-child!

Dot: Opposite of...*gulp*...YOU?! Uhhhh, actually, I'm not sure I really want to do this movie, heh heh....uh, maybe you should get, er....*Googi*! Yeah, that's it!

Mr. D: Well, I suppose so, if you really don't want to do this film, Miss Warner. So where is this, "Googi"?

Googi: Right here! [Standing by the studio's doorway]

Yakko: Googi! Where were you?

Googi: I was stuck at Euro-Disney! Fortunately, I was able to hitch a ride back here on the next available flight!

Wakko: Faboo!

Dot: So, Googi, will you take over the role in this film? *Puh-leeease*!?!

Googi: Well, all right! If that's what you really want, Dot! Let's roll 'em, Mr. Director!

Mr. D: OH, GOOD! YOU'LL DO ...THE MOVIE ...WITH ME ...NICE LADY!?

Googi: Er....Okay....

Yakko: [To Wakko and Dot] So, guys, want to stick around and watch Googi and Mr. D?

Wakko: I suppose...though that doesn't sound like much fun! And considering we *could* be breaking into that McDonald's pay potty you mentioned earlier...or finding out just what's in Googi's package there... [Pointing to Googi's package sitting by a stage prop]

Yakko: Hm, true. Dot, any ideas?

Dot: Which prospect involves a better chance of annoying someone else
pointlessly?

Yakko: Uhh....[Sees Mr. D, sipping some coffee and spitting it out, proclaiming "TOO...HOT...THIS...LIQUID...COFFEE..STUFF!"] I'd say WD-40 hair here is a pretty strong contender!

Dot: You're right! Let's stick around!

Wakko: Yeah!

[Cut to Acme Labs, with Pinky still giggling, though he's now holding a banana-flavored Chum-sicle (TM)...]

Pinky: Oooh, I hope they do what I think they're gonna do! TROZ!  Wha-haha-ha! 

[Brain, who's still sitting near Pinky, begins to do a slow burn yet again...]

[Cut to Slappy, at home with her recently-repaired TV set with Skippy...]

Slappy: *Gah!* *When* is this stinkin' thing gonna *end*? I think the NBA lockout's gonna   end before this thing comes to a close...

Skippy: Beats me, Aunt Slappy; at least it beats watching reruns of "Waynehead"...

[Both think about this, and shudder]

[Cut back to the studio]

Yakko: So, ya wanna...

Dot: *sigh* Fine!

Wakko: Faboo! Let's go!

[The Warners sneak up behind Mr. D., and...well, you know the rest...]

Mr. D: [Does a quick wild take] OH! THE THING ...AGAIN ...WITH ..TWO ..PLACES ...RIGHT ...BEHIND ..ME!

[Cut to Slappy]

Slappy: *AAAAAAH!* *NOT AGAIN!*

Skippy: Calm down, Aunt Slappy....it'll be OK...I *hope*...

Slappy: Y'know, Skippy, you're right! ...[Quick beat] Then again, ....[Picks up her purse] Feel like takin' a little stroll, Skippy?

Skippy: Uhhh....[Sees on screen, Yakko trying to decide what pointless location on Earth to go to next while looking at a map, Dot drooling over the just-walked-on pointless cameo appearance of Mel Gibson, and Wakko still doing that “two places at once” bit to Mr. D.] ---OK, AUNT SLAPPY, LET'S ---GET--- DANGEROUS!

Slappy: Sure, kiddo, but lay off those Disney references, OK? This story's already in *enough* trouble as it is...

Skippy: Right!

Slappy: OK? Let's go!

[The studio. The Warners going about their business, Googi standing to the side tapping her foot. Enter Slappy & Skippy.]

Slappy: Listen to me, you little upstarts, end dis thing now or I'll stuff dynamite down yer pants.

Wakko:[Pulling up his shirt] I don't wear any!

Yakko: Actually, eeeehhhh...we were just about to!

Slappy: For real?

Dot: Yup.

Slappy: In that case... [Grabs Skippy & they zoom back to the tree & watch on TV.]

Googi: So, uh, here you go, Mr. D. [Hands him the basket]

Mr. D: Oooo, what is it???!!!

Googi: It's my pet!

[Mr. D opens the box. Out pops Googi’s Pet, who turns out to be another Mr. D. {hey, don't lookit me strange, Dot had him for a pet on the show!}]

Pet Mr. D: OOOOOOOOOO, I KNOW A LADY, IN HIGH HEEL SHOES & PANTYHOSES, A PRETTY, PRETTY LAAAAAAAAAADDDDYYYYYY!!!!!

[Cut to Acme Labs]

Pinky: Ooo, lookit, Brain! He's in two places at once! TROZ!

[Brain grabs the test tube he's been continually hitting his head against, glares at Pinky, then smacks him.]

Brain: [With a small smile] Now I feel cleansed.

[Back to the stars of our story...]

Real Mr. D: OOOOOOOOOO. THAT VOICE COULD MAKE WITH THE SHATTERING OF MY EARS AND THE THING BAD IT IS FREUNLAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Passes out]

Dot: So, uh, Googi, why'd we go through all this just to give him that?

Googi: I never liked Mr. Director.

Yakko: Aaaah...huh. Well, then, what do we do now?

Dot: I can't think of the ending of this show...

Yakko: I can't think of...

Wakko: No, that bit's been done.

Dot: Sorry. Force of habit.

Yakko: Toldja to stop renting those old Marx Bros. movies.

Slappy: [Coming onscreen, with a handful o' dynamite] End it...

Dot: How about an ending number?

Yakko, Wakko, &Googi: OK!

Warners & Googi: [Sung to the tune of the "Googi Goop Theme"]

The plot was sub-moronic!
The ending was ironic!
Mr. D: Someone get me some tonic!
YWD&G: Call her Googi! Googily Goop!

[Iris out on Wakko's nose. Wakko pushes it open & grabs it back.]

Wakko: You know, that gag's been done...

[Finish the iris.]

EPILOGUE:

[Yakko, Wakko, and Dot are at a computer in the water tower. Tied up in the corner are the writers of our little epic: the Real Life Dot, Craig, The Siren, Brainatra, Flaminchicken, & Dr. Belch.]

Yakko: Iris out. THE END. Escape, Save, & Puh-rint!

Dot: Well, looks like that's all we have time for...

Wakko: There's only one thing left to say...

Yakko: So...

Warners & All The Writers: GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY!

[Fade out. Slappy enters against the dark background.]

Slappy: It's over. Finally. Now gedoudda here.

BUM BUM BUM BUM! bum


THE END

 

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