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Fan Fics

The Once and Future Warners

By: Brainatra, Craig, Romey, Sharklady, Capt. Caps, and DanielleB

Edited by: Craig M. J. Marinaro

With not much else to do since the cancellation of their show, the Warner Brothers and their sister Dot had been searching for a decent part-time job. They had tried a carreer in law enforcement, but it just didn't work out. They had been teamed up with a certain officer by the name of Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy in "Beverly Hills Cop"). They got along fine until they learned that he had betrayed them by doing voiceovers for D*sney's "Mulan". This extreme conflict of interests had forced them to move on to greener pastures.

[We open on a shot of a sunny California boulevard. The Warners are walking leisurely down the sidewalk.]

YAKKO: Wow, who'd have thought being dental assistants could be so much fun?

DOT: Yeah! That had to be the best three days of my life...and to think we'd still be there if it hadn't been for Wakko getting mixed up in that scandalous situation involving molding plaster, chewing gum, and thirty feet of floss... [Glares at her brother.]

WAKKO: Well, *I* didn't want to be a dentist anyhow...I was the one who wanted to jump at the "food tester" job, remember?

YAKKO: And I wanted to go for the spot as Liz Hurley's dressing consultant. [Wiggling his eyebrows.] Hellooooo, nurse...

DOT: [Glares at her other brother.] Like *THAT* would've made for a real family-friendly fanfic... [Turning to Wakko.] Anyhow, if any good came of this, at least Wakko got a medical degree!

WAKKO: [Holding up a piece of paper.] Yeah! These things aren't nearly as hard to get as they're made out to be...

DOT: I'd imagine not, if they gave it to a guy who went on to remove fourteen teeth and a kidney from some kid who was only coming in for an annual checkup...

WAKKO: I got carried away! Besides, I gave him a sugar-free lollipop, didn't I? What more do you want?

YAKKO: Alright, alright...mistakes were made. But at any rate, we've got to look forward to the future... Here we are, sibs--that home for wayward souls...the land of milk and honey...the place where dreams come true...the Unemployment Agency! [Holds his hand up to the building dramatically. The place glows brightly.] C'mon! [The three step inside.]

[We fade to the interior. We see the three sitting in chairs. Wakko is lazily bouncing a small rubber ball against the wall. Yakko watches the fans, moving his head with their motion. Dot reads the magazines on the table next to her, starting with "People," which has a picture of Barbra Streisand on the cover. We fade forward in time, as the clock above their heads changes. By 9:13 AM, Dot's down to "Cosmo"; by 12:56 she's at "Highlights for Children"; by 4:29 she's reading "Wired"; at 8:33, she's reading the "Warner Bros. Studio Store Catalogue," and looking visibly annoyed. Finally, the clock strikes 11:49 PM. Wakko is bouncing the ball minimally and listlessly, obviously bored-as-all-get-out. Yakko has fallen asleep, and Dot is squinting at the print on a subscription card from "Reader's Digest." Only one magazine remains sitting on the table, unread--"Tennis." The rest are strewn about the floor. Finally, a voice rings out.]

VOICE: Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner?

[The three suddenly perk up, and after registering the significance of the call for a moment, they run up to the desk gleefully. The woman behind the desk speaks.]

WOMAN: In spite of your...dubious reputation...we've managed to find you another job. A spot at the Rainbow Cab Company. You report first thing tomorrow morning. [She hands the three their papers.]

YAKKO: [Looking at the clock.] First thing tomorrow morning? Why...tomorrow morning begins at 12:01! We'd better hurry, or we'll be late for our first day! [The three dash outside, and begin running down the street, waving their hands and yelling, "Taxi! Taxi! Taxi!"]

[We fade to the Rainbow Cab Company. Doctor Emmett L. Brown happens to be giving the ol' DeLorean a tune-up. The three suddenly pop out from under the hood, giving him quite a start.]

YW&D: Taxi! Taxi! [They turn around and see the car that they're sitting in. All three yell in unison:] TAXI! [They all rush around and dive inside to the back seat. They sit there waiting for a minute, then grow a bit impatient. Doc merely looks startled.]

YAKKO: Hey! What's up, doc?

DOC: What?

YAKKO: Well, mac, are you gonna get in or not? Rainbow Cab Company, and step on it! We've gotta get to work!

DOC: [Ahem] First of all, I am *NOT* your driver. Second of all, you are *IN* the Rainbow Cab Company. And third of all, this is not a taxi, you ignorant puppy children...this is a DeLorean!

DOT: [Pulling him near.] And fourth of all...WE'RE NOT PUPPIES!

DOC BROWN: What are you then?

DOT: Let's please not go there...

DOC BROWN: Hey, you wouldn't happen to be those new cabbies we signed up, would you?

YW&D: That's us!

DOC BROWN: Then *why* didn't you say so? Huh? The last cab just got wrecked, so you'll have to use the DeLorean. Oh, by the way, it's a time machine, so be careful with it!

DOT: No class or anything?

YAKKO: This place certainly looks it...

DOC BROWN: Ahem... Just don't go over 88 miles per hour, or you'll see some serious sh--

YAKKO: Yeah, 88 miles per whatever... Does this mean we can see anything in history?

DOC BROWN: Get your job done today, and I'll give you a little tour through time, alright?

WAKKO: Faboo! Maybe I can buy one of those Beanie Babies they've removed from the market!

DOT: Back when they made all those *brilliant* schedule changes, like exiling us to Rerun Limbo, and adding such *delightful* shows as Pinky, Elmyra & the Brain?

YAKKO: [Snapping his fingers.] Hey! Since we have a *time machine*, we could probably stop those changes from ever being made!

DOT: Yeah! Then head back to now, where we'll still be in production and Pinky & Brain will never have left Acme Labs!

WAKKO: Uh, wait... I thought altering the past was supposed to be a bad thing? Remember that movie we saw with the short Canadian actor who wore a life preserver?

YAKKO: [Sad.] Oh... Then I guess there's no use in trying to change things... Besides, for all we know, the execs might decide to come up with something *worse*, like Waynehead 2 or Space Jam: The Series..." [All three Warners shudder.]

DOT: So visiting the past is ruled out?

YAKKO: Guess so...

[Suddenly, a door flies open and an old acquaintance steps in.]

AXEL FOLEY: You mother (bleeping) puppy children! Make a friend then eliminate him, huh, you (bleeps)?

[Axel pulls out a battery of confiscated semi-automatics.]

YW&D: Uh-oh...

DOC BROWN: Jump in and ride, now!

[The Warners zip inside the DeLorean. Quick cut to the car's control panel. The time machine has been set to September 23, 2015.]

AXEL: You (bleeps) gonna do 88?

YAKKO: For the sake of this story... Yes, we will!

[The car bursts out of the garage. Axel jumps into a police cruiser parked outside and follows.]

AXEL: Come back here and fight!

[The Warners turn a corner, knocking over a stop sign. With Axel not far behind, they're forced to speed up. Yakko slams the accelerator, and the DeLorean lurches into gear.]

DOT: [Noticing sparks jumping off the car.] Uh, Yakko? What did he say about 88 miles per hour?

YAKKO: Why?

DOT: [Pointing at the speedometer.] Because we're hitting it now!

[Cut to just above the road, with Axel still chasing the Warners. Having reached 88 miles per hour, "really nifty special effects" happen around the car's body, before emitting the usual time-travel sonic booms. The time machine vanishes in a bright white light, leaving behind the trademark fire trails. The car emerges in 2015 with the same special effects.]

YAKKO: Well, we're here, sibs...wherever ‘here' is.

DOT: [Glancing around at the futuristic setting.] Eeeww, creepy...now what?

YAKKO: Now, we look for passengers, naturally! [Yakko spots a short, pathetic-looking gent standing on a corner reading a paper.] I think I see a veritable sucker now... [He runs up to the guy.] Good day, sir...I was just talking to my associates, and I couldn't help noticing that you look like a veritable sucker who's going places. Yes, sir...and who better to take you there than the Acme Cab Corporation?

GENT: But, your car says you're from the "Rainbow Cab--"

YAKKO: Yes, yes, I'm getting to that...who better to take you there than the Acme Cab Corporation? Why, the Rainbow Cab Corporation! Rainbow Cab is faster, cheaper, and tears less easily than other leading brands! Once you've tried Rainbow Cab, you'll never want to go back to anything else! Especially the place you just left...

GENT: I'm sorry, but I'm quite happy where I am.

YAKKO: What? But this must be the dingiest street corner in all of Southern California! I wouldn't stay here if you paid me! Of course, I'm also not leaving here 'til you pay me... And look at the company! More weirdos hang out here than on any other street corner in the world!

GENT: But...the only people here are you and me.

YAKKO: Yes, and am I the type of guy you'd want to bring home to meet my mother? I should say not. Why, the very implication is filthy, and the only filthier thing I can think of is this corner. Take the sidewalk. You take the sidewalk and I'll take the frontwalk, and I'll be in San Jose afore ye. If you don't like the sidewalk, you can take the elephant walk, the boardwalk, and the Chinese wok.

GENT: [Thoroughly confused] Wh-wh...what?

YAKKO: That's probably the most eloquent thing I've heard all day, which isn't saying much for eloquence in general. Here, take our card. [He hands the guy a Christmas card with a picture of an angel on the front.]

GENT: [Reading the card.]: "Season's greetings cousin / A catcher in the rye / To wit, a baker's dozen / Although I don't know why." [Even more bewildered.] Er, uh...alright, I give up. Take me to the WB Studios, General Administration Building. [He climbs into the DeLorean.]

YAKKO: I'm surprised at you! Didn't you ever learn not to get into a car with a stranger?

GENT: Well, um--

YAKKO: Oh, that's alright...you know, in this brief time we've been chatting, I feel like we've known each other for ages...the best of friends, the closest of compadres...two against the world, and five against the house, and ten to one. [Leaning out the window.] Come, sibs! [Wakko & Dot come running out of a candy store across the street and jump into the car.] [Dramatically.] To the WB Admin Building!

WAKKO: Remember not to hit 88 miles per hour, Yakko!

YAKKO: Don't worry, I've got it covered! [He suddenly slams the gas down. The car zooms down the street. As the speedometer gets into the 80's, he slams the brake down hard, and the cars behind him screech to a sudden halt, several of them smashing into each other. We cut to an outside view of the car, as Yakko continues this procedure all the way to the Studios...]

[We cut to the exterior of the WB Admin Building. In the back ground, we see tire tracks, showing the direction from which the DeLorean had come, and in the path of terror, signs and trees knocked over, movie sets demolished, and people standing and staring, dazed and confused. The Warners are standing outside the taxi talking to the gent.]

YAKKO: Alright, that's a quarter of a mile...which according to 2015 currency, is about 200 bucks...

GENT: [Pulling out his wallet, ready to pay.] Right...

YAKKO: Wait, wait...now, what's your birthday?

GENT: Er...March 23rd...but--

YAKKO: [Flipping the pages in a book. Wakko is punching numbers on a calculator.] Ah, an Aries...that adds on 10%...favorite lunch meat?

GENT: I--

YAKKO: Do you want to make this take longer than it has to? We have other people to pick up, you know. Just answer the questions.

GENT: [Disgruntled.] Bratwurst.

YAKKO: [Flipping.] Oh, ‘b' is early in the alphabet...you're lucky...that's only, ehm...60 bucks more! Pancakes or waffles?

GENT: Waffles!

YAKKO: Oh, tsk tsk...that'll cost ya a hundred more.

GENT: A hundred...for waffles?!

YAKKO: Sure...those things sell like hotcakes...long distance provider?

GENT: Erm... MCI-Earthlink-Qwest-AT&T-Verizon...

YAKKO: Oh, that gives you a 20% discount...

GENT: Ah...

YAKKO: But it also adds a 50% surcharge.

GENT: Urk!

YAKKO: Ever see the All in the Family episode with Sammy Davis?

GENT: Eh, uh-huh?

YAKKO: Oh, I'm sorry, wrong answer...that'll cost ya, um...600 sounds fair, eh Wakko?

WAKKO: Right! [Punches it into the calculator. The guy groans.]

YAKKO: Now, then, uh...Dot, what year is this car?

DOT: [Reading the User's Manual.] Looks like 1985...

YAKKO: Alright, we add that on...multiply it all by the square root of your social security number, plus your pants size and age...and that all comes out to...what, Wakko?

WAKKO: [Sitting in the middle of a mess of papers, with a pencil in his hand. He sticks it behind his ear, and reads off the calculator.] Five million, seven hundred sixty-seven thousand, seven hundred eight dollars, and forty cents.

[The Gent merely stutters as Yakko grabs his wallet out of his hands, counts out this sum, and returns it to his pocket. Yakko pockets the money.]

YAKKO: There you are. Thank you for choosing Rainbow Cab Company. We hope you had a pleasant trip, and please come again! [He waves at the guy.]

DOT: Hey, Yakko...while we're here, why not see what's going on with the Studio these days?

WAKKO: But couldn't our learning of the future cause disastrous repercussions in the space-time continuum and conceivably eradicate the entire universe as we know it?

YAKKO: [Somberly] Wakko's right.

DOT: Oh, really? Cool! Let's go, then! [They rush into the Admin Building.]

[We fade to a well-furnished office. The owner of the office is sitting in her chair, with the back to the window, talking on the phone.]

FAMILIAR VOICE: Is everything all set for Full House: The Reunion Special? Good, good...what do you *MEAN* you couldn't get Mary-Kate?! [She swings around in her chair, and we see that it's none other than Minerva Mink. She looks more or less the same as she did in our time, and is wearing a blue suit jacket over a light sleeveless top.] She said *WHAT*?! ...alright...well, thanks for trying, Larry... [She hangs up the phone.] Sheesh...they win an Oscar® or two, and all of a sudden they think they're such hot shots... [She presses a button on her intercom.] Hey, Jim...did you get through to Lucas yet?

JIM: [On the other end.] Yeah...he says he's cool with Tarantino directing Star Wars IX: Revenge of the Wampa Snow Creature...but he doesn't think much of the proposed C-3P0 death scene.

MINERVA: Great! Give Quentin a buzz, ASAP. And, could'ja order me a tuna salad for lunch?

JIM: Can do!

[Minerva turns to some papers lying on her desk and begins sorting through them. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. Shes gets up and walks over, but when she opens it, there's no one there. She shrugs and returns to her desk--only to find the Warners there. Yakko is sitting in Minerva's chair with his feet on the desk; Wakko is spinning around in a nearby swivel chair and pulling the lever simultaneously, so that it goes up and down as well as round and round; Dot is liberally taking folders from a nearby file cabinet and throwing them out the window.]

MINERVA: [Startled for a moment, then regaining herself.] What exactly is going on here?

YAKKO & WAKKO: [In chorus] Hellooooo, Nurse!

YAKKO: Hi! We figured nobody was home, so we decided to let ourselves in.

[Minerva runs over to Dot, and grabs several folders from her hand.]

MINERVA: And just what do you think you're doing?

DOT: Honey, honey...look at these drab things! Creamy-yellow is so passe...[She pulls in a pile of folders that are an assortment of colors.] Now, I have a line of color-coordinated folders here that'll knock your stockings off!

YAKKO: [Wiggling his eyebrows at Minerva.] Think you could knock anything else off? [He's suddenly hit in the nose by a little pellet. He glances angrily at Dot.] Ow! Alright, I'm sorry!

DOT: [Standing next to a rope.] Wasn't me...I was just gonna drop a 16-ton anvil on you.

YAKKO: Then who-- [Spins around and sees Wakko, holding an empty pen cartridge in his mouth with one hand, and holding a fistful of small ball-shaped candies from a bowl on Minerva's desk in the other. He giggles.] You think that's funny, eh? Well, let's see how you like this... [In one fluid movement, Yakko knocks over Minerva's desk and jumps behind it. He then pokes his head up, and begins making paper airplanes loaded with paper clips. He throws them, and they proceed to bomb Wakko with the paper clips. Soon, an all-out war had been declared throughout the office, with everything from pencil erasers to computer parts being used as ammo. Minerva stares in horror.]

MINERVA: My...my office!

DOT: Hey, this is nothing...you shoulda seen the time we busted into Ted Turner's office.

MINERVA: What happened?

DOT: It's a little hazy...all I remember is that when we left, he was stapled to the wall, and covered with five pads' worth of those little sticky papers...

MINERVA: Erm...boys! Boys! Wouldn't you rather...um...lick flavored stamps? [She holds up a roll of stamps.]

WAKKO: Oh, flavored stamps!

YAKKO: The wonders of the future, my boy!

[The two run over and commence the proceedings...]

YAKKO: Oh, this one's banana-strawberry!

WAKKO: This one's kiwi-avocado!

YAKKO: Mmm...butterscotch-granola-tapioca-ginseng-kumquat!

WAKKO: [Sniffing the stamp like a wine connoisseur.] With a hint of vanilla extract, if I'm not mistaken.

MINERVA: [Turning to Dot.] At any rate, haven't I told you kids to stay out of my office?

DOT: Uh...well, see, here's the thing...we're not the Warners you know in 2015. We've come from over fifteen years in the past...

MINERVA: Oh!...well, do you come with a mission? Are you trying to find the answer to some life-threatening secret? Or do you bring us some sort of message about goings-on in your time that could well affect our very existence?

DOT: Nah...actually, we just thought it'd be kinda fun. ...say, what's an airhead like you doing in charge of this place, anyways?

MINERVA: "Airhead"? Ha! I'll have you know I'm dozens of times more competent than anyone who's filled this position in the past...in fact, I've brought back your show.

DOT: [Suddenly excited.] Really? With new episodes?!

MINERVA: Well, I probably shouldn't tell you your own future, buuut...eh, what the heck. Yes, Animaniacs is pulling in tremendous profits for the Studio...and there's an added plus: we've given you guys such a busy filming schedule, you don't have nearly as much time to wreak havoc all over the Lot. [She rubs her hands together happily.]

DOT: [Dreamily.] New Animaniacs episodes...wow...so, I guess the Kids' WB! lineup is actually good now? No more junk like Max Steel?

MINERVA: [Fidgeting.] Well, erm...actually, *THAT* show is still on...it's still pulling in really good ratings! [Reassuringly.] But other than that, our lineup is flawless. Besides, you kids have fun dropping anvils on Max's head when he's between takes! [Dot smiles.]

DOT: And all the rest are still around too? Slappy & Skippy, and Buster & Babs, and Freakazoid, and the Goodfeathers...

MINERVA: Of course! All except Pinky & the Brain. We called them and asked them if they'd like to come back and film new episodes, but Brain's gotten even more bitter in his age...he went into a long-winded tirade about being sick of the TV business and the fickle public, and not wanting to see any of his former costars again, least of all Elmyra and you gag-abusing "Warner brats"... So, good riddance.

DOT: Aww...he sounds sad. I think we should go cheer him up. Whaddayasay, guys?

WAKKO: [Glancing at the remainder of the stamps.] May as well...all that's left is mayonnaise-grapefruit.

DOT: Then, c'mon! [She leads the boys out of the office. Before exiting, she smiles at Minerva.] Thanks, by the way.

YAKKO: [To Minerva.] Hey, if you're ever in 2000, look me up!

MINERVA: [Giggles.] Sure... [She walks over to her desk and sits down, very businesswoman-like, and begins filing some papers. Jim, a strong, hunky guy in a muscleshirt enters, carrying Minerva's lunch.]

JIM: Here's your tuna salad, Ms. Mink. [Minerva goes through the usual bit, drooling, popping her eyes, blowing like a whistle, "hoo-hoo"-ing, and finally jumping into his arms. He looks pretty indifferent.] Do we have to go through this every time I walk into your office?

MINERVA: Hey, I didn't hire you for your typing skills...

[Wipe to the Acme Labs of 2015, which looks a bit ramshackle and neglected; fade into a cage with the mice, who appear to be working on another scheme for global conquest. Both have some gray fur. Brain has some more wrinkles above his brow, and wears an even bigger scowl than we're used to. Pinky, despite looking a bit older, still maintains his cheerfulness and youthful exuberance.]

PINKY: So, what do you wanna do tonight, Brain?

BRAIN: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

[Singing is heard from outside the cage. Upon looking outward, the mice find it to be coming from the Warners, with Yakko holding a magnifying glass next to the cage, and Wakko holding a ruler, á la the A! version of the "Pinky & the Brain" theme song.]

WARNERS: [Singing.] They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!

BRAIN: [Annoyed] What are you Warner brats doing here?! I believe I've already informed that mustelid minx that we have no interest in returning to your banal show. Now if you'll kindly take your leave, my associate and I have more important things--

YAKKO: Aw, c'mon, Brain, loosen up! I'm sure Pinky would've loved to come back! Right, Pinky?

PINKY: [Not able to deny it, but not wanting to betray Brain, he just stares at the floor.] Uh...um, well...

YAKKO: Anyways, we're not the Warners you're thinking of, Brain...we've come from the year 2000 in a DeLorean time machine for... Aaah, why did we come here again?

WAKKO: Umm... [Flips backwards through the script] I think it was to get away from an irate Axel Foley, remember?

YAKKO: Oh, yeah...

DOT: [Gently at first, then becoming increasingly annoying.] But, at any rate...why so glum, Brain? Was it that stint with Elmyra? The stress of coming up with new plans for world domination every night, only to watch them fail miserably? The sudden dawning awareness that your entire life up to this point has been completely useless and wasted, and that you've been striving unsuccessfully for the same one thing for over 22 years? Is that it? Huh, huh, huh?

BRAIN: [Tartly.] So, it's back to this again...back to the old days of you relentlessly driving me out of my mind with your infantile pranks. Let's see, 2000...if I recall correctly, you three are still abusing those same two spatial distortion tricks without relent?

WAKKO: Er...well, yeah...

DOT: Come on, Brain...didn't you enjoy all the glory and popularity you got being a TV star?

BRAIN: "Popularity"? Ha! As soon as our show was cancelled, the audience forgot us...took to Detention and The Powerpuff Girls with nary a second thought. The last thing I need is a fairweather following...besides, I want to be appreciated for my intellect, not for some moronic slapstick shenanigans performed in front of a camera.

DOT: But you've got to admit that it did feel kinda good--

BRAIN: Listen, if you're planning on subjecting me to another psychoanalytical session, forget it. You always got your sole pleasure in life from annoying me, and anyone else with any grain of intellect and refinement in their bodies. Well, I'm not coming back, so you can just go find someone else to bug.

YAKKO: Oh, bruddah.

BRAIN: Now, if you'll excuse us, we have a big night ahead of us, so I'm sure you won't mind showing yourselves the door.

WAKKO: Nah...that gag's been done to death.

YAKKO: Well, if *THAT'S* how you feel Brain...

BRAIN: [Acidly.] That isn't half of how I feel...but I'm too polite to say the rest.

DOT: [Coldly] Then, good day. [To Pinky, sympathetically.] G'bye, Pinky. [The three walk out. Yakko begins to close the door behind him. He goes insanely slow so as not to slam it--however, this also causes the hinges to emit a prolonged squeak. Brain scowls furiously. Finally, just as the door is about to be closed, Yakko quickly opens it up again, and slams it shut as hard as he can. The three kids can be heard giggling as they run off.]

BRAIN: Irksome whelps...now, where were we? [Pinky is obviously a bit angry at Brain for the way treated the Warners, but he tries to swallow it, and ultimately succeeds.]

PINKY: Um...tonight's plan for taking over the...thing...?

BRAIN: Ah, yes! Tonight's plan to take over the thing--er, the world--involves *THIS*! [Whips out a spray bottle.] As you know, Pinky, every important businessman and government official in the world carries pens in his pocket. Thus, the world will be crippled when it comes into contact with my latest, greatest creation--Ink-ling™! I will release this serum into the air in gas form. When it encounters the chemicals in any type of ink, it will initiate a reaction that will result in a drastic expansion in the ink's mass. Every pen on Earth will explode...billions of people all over the world will have soiled suits, and will have to hurry to the nearest washroom to wash the stain before it dries. In the ensuing turmoil, I--

PINKY: ...will rise to power?

BRAIN: Why, yes, Pinky! How did you know that?

PINKY: Um...I'm not sure...but, Brain?

BRAIN: Yes?

PINKY: Um...how to put this nicely...isn't this plan just the slightest bit...erm...silly?

BRAIN: Silly? Pinky, at the end of tonight, when this plan proves to be the one that finally puts me in charge of the world, I'll make you eat those words!

PINKY: Oh, um...will I be able to add salt and seasonings?

BRAIN: [Wryly.] Why? Are they too bland for your tastes? [Handing Pinky the bottle.] Now, obviously, I can't send my concoction to the furthest reaches of the world with this dinky spray bottle. How I plan to carry that out is the real beauty of my plan...here, hold this a moment... [He walks off to get something, leaving Pinky, holding the bottle, to shrug at us.]

[We fade to a peaceful shot of the WB Lot. Suddenly, the whole Lot is shaken by an earth-shattering kaboom, and a gigantic explosion erupts from the heart of the Studio. We pull in, to see a soundstage--or what little is left of it. Slappy climbs up out of the debris, as does her rather irate director. Slappy cackles joyfully.]

SLAPPY: Eh, I love my work... And Ma useta say I shoulda gone in for law school...ha ha ha! [The director glares at her.]

[We cut to the Warners, watching this scene. They nonchalantly walk off, before anyone can notice them.]

WAKKO: Wow! That musta been the most brilliant cartoon Slappy's ever made!

YAKKO: Yeah! She must've clobbered Walter a thousand times in the course of six minutes!

DOT: And that was the most original and violent use of Nestle® Quik™ chocolate powder mix I've ever seen!

YAKKO: Only Slappy could--

[Suddenly, there is a flash of light similar to when the Warners first came to the future. A DeLorean with a # 2 painted on it appears.]

YAKKO: What the--?

[Axel Foley steps out of the second car.]

AXEL: You little (bleeps) thought you could hide from me? It just so happens that I stole a spare DeLorean from the Doc! Fortunately for myself, all his equipment defaults to 2015!

WAKKO: Why didn't he tell us about the spare car?

AXEL: Well I know how to deal with you (bleeps). [Axel pulls out a large club.] You like the future so much, why not stay here... Forever!

[He smashes the Warners' car with the club. Then jumps back into his.]

DOT: Oh no!

AXEL: So long suckers! Ha ha ha! [He drives off.]

WAKKO: This is terrible!

YAKKO: Joke's on him. We'll still be young in the future but he'll be old and decrepit.

WAKKO: But I didn't want to stay in the future. I wanna go home!

DOT: And now we're stranded.

WAKKO: What are we gonna do Yakko? What are we gonna do?

YAKKO: We're going to have to look for help.

DOT: But who could possibly help us?

[A distanced but incredibly loud voice shouts, "We can!"]

[Cut to Axel, speeding in his DeLorean. As the speedometer approaches 88, he tries to ease on the brake, and finds that it has no affect. He hits it harder, to no avail.]

AXEL: What the (bleep)?! Why won't this piece of (bleep) stop? [Hitting the dashboard.] (Bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep)-- [After he gives it a particularly violent kick, the engine peters out, and it slows to a halt in the year 3024. Axel straightens himself out, and cautiously steps out of the car.] Oh, (bleep), please don't let some freaky (bleep)in' futuristic mutants attack me...pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease... [Suddenly, some dark figures can be seen moving in the shadows.] Oh, (bleeeeep).

FIGURE: Excuse me...it would appear that you machine has been...disabled.

AXEL: [Trying to sound like his usual overbearing self, but obviously scared out of his wits.] Er...yeah! What the (bleep) would you make of it? Uh......(bleep)...?

FIGURE: I know where you can get another machine, if you could do us a favor. Perhaps we could make some sort of...bargain?

AXEL: [Gulping.] Uh...at your service? [Smiles nervously. The figures chuckle mockingly.] (Bleep).

[Cut back to the Warners, looking around confusedly for the source of the mysterious voice.]

YW&D: Who said that?

[The Warners turn around to see a man in a trench coat that bears a strong resemblance to George Carlin, and an attractive-looking man in a policeman-like uniform that bears a strong resemblance to Jean Claude Van Damme.]

OFFICER: Hello, there. This is Ruford, and I'm Max, a Temporal Violations enforcement officer... A 'Timecop', if you will.

WAKKO: Can we call you 'Mr. Dinky Kickboxing Man'?

MAX: Um, no...

DOT: Hellooooo nurse! [She leaps into Max's arms, and begins kissing him repeatedly.]

Y&W: Girls, go fig...

MAX: Miss, *please* desist with the kissing! We're here to help you return to your proper place in time.

YAKKO: Our show having a lucratively strong prime-time timeslot with ample network support?

RUFORD: Heh, heh... Here in the future, your show *is* showing renewed interest, thanks to Minerva Mink's efforts... but as for how soon relative to 2000 your show'll be supported by Kids WB again... well, I can't reveal the specific year of renewed interest in Animaniacs to you, but I'm afraid you'll have be satisfied with Wakko's Wish tiding the fans over for *quite* awhile...

[The Warners look glum for a brief moment.]

MAX: We're here to help you return to 2000. Our instruments picked up several time-travel incidents today alone, with the latest by a mister Axel Foley. With the help of our close associate Mr. Ruford here, we were informed of the destruction of your time-travelling vehicle by this Mr. Foley. Realizing your destiny is not to be stranded here in the year 2015, we've decided to send you back home!

WAKKO: Faboo! I think I'll miss the scarecrow most of all, though...

DOT: Wrong story, Wakko! Plus, Pinky and the Brain already used that joke...

WAKKO: Oh, right...

MAX: Please follow us. We'll take you and your smashed DeLorean back to headquarters, where we'll repair the car, and send you on home!

WARNERS: All right!

RUFORD: C'mon, then, let's go!

[We fade to Axel, back in 2015, walking down a quiet street. He's muttering to himself.]

AXEL: Alright, now I've stalled those (bleep)in' kids here for a day...but once those (bleep)holes at Timecop Headquarters repair their machine, they'll be on their merry (bleep)in' way! I've gotta send 'em even further into the future...somewhere they'll never get back from! Getting them there should be easy enough...but how to bait them into the trap... [Suddenly, a huge explosion jolts the street. Axel whirls around to see the Acme Labs behind him.] Say...that's where those (bleep)in' mice live! [He runs up to the Lab, and cautiously peers into the window.] Well, I'll be (bleep)ed...

[We cut to the interior of the Acme Laboratory. Pinky is sitting on a control panel, which reads "Ink-ling™ Circulation," and has several buttons. Pinky has his hand on one with the words "Instantaneous Discharge," in a way that suggests he's just pushed it a few seconds ago. We pan across the Lab--the air is filled with a pink-ish gas, every single pen in the Lab has exploded, and as a result, the entire place is coated from floor to ceiling with ink. Brain is holding an exploded pen and is also covered with ink. He stands glowering for a moment, then walks away from the spot where he was (leaving an outline in the ink on the wall) and approaches Pinky. He looks for a moment at Pinky, his paw still on the button. Brain then brings the pen around in a circular swoop, connecting with Pinky's head in the process.]

BRAIN: [Annoyed.] No, *NOT* that red button.

PINKY: [Grinning sheepishly.] Hee hee...um, whoops. [Curiously.] So, uh...now what, Brain?

BRAIN: Now... [The anger leaves him, as he sighs.] Now, I suppose I'll be heading for the tub so that I may cleanse my delicate fur in time for tomorrow night...

PINKY: Why, Brain? What're we gonna do tomorrow night?

BRAIN: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the-- [Suddenly, a human hand reaches into frame and grabs the two mice.] Hey! What--? [They're brought to level with the face of the owner of the hand--Axel Foley.] Axel Foley? Here, now...what is this?!

AXEL: Heh heh...you'll see soon enough...

[Wipe to the Warners and Max, at Timecop H.Q.]

MAX: According to our best scientists, it'll take about another day to examine and reconstruct your vehicle. In the meantime, our facilities are at your complete disposal. Do you have any questions?

YAKKO: Yeah...do *you* have Cartoon Network?

WAKKO: Can we order some pizzas?

DOT: [Gazing at Max longingly] Do you think I'm *cute*? [Yakko and Wakko roll their eyes.]

MAX: Um, no, maybe, and...yes.

WARNERS: All right!

MAX: Feel free to make yourselves at home.

[The Warners do so...Wakko picks up a nearby phone and a phonebook, and calls a pizza parlor. Yakko hops over to a couch, and turns on the TV. Dot is still gazing at Max, who looks at her a bit nervously.]

MAX: Umm...how about we go sit down and watch some TV, Miss Warner?

DOT: [In a daze] Uh...sure...whatever... [Sighs happily, and walks over to the couch with Max.]

[Someone knocks at the door; Wakko goes over and answers it. We see a guy wearing a suit with a logo that reads "Papa John's Little Caesar Pizza Hut."]

GUY: Pizza for Wakko Warner. That'll be $75. Press your thumb to this plate, please. [He holds out a Newton-pad-like device with a metal plate attached.]

WAKKO: Boy, that sure is expensive, but...ok! [He presses his thumb to the plate; the guy hands him the pizza.]

GUY: Thanks! Hey...no tip?! Geez, whatta cheapskate... Ta think I liked that new TV show of his, too... [The guy leaves, closing the door behind him.]

[Wakko tosses the package into the air, and swallows it, box and all.]

WAKKO: *BURP*! Excuse me...heh-heh...

DOT: [Watching this whole scene from the couch.] Well, that was pointless.

YAKKO: Um, yeah...anyway, let's see what's on TV here...

[He flips the channel with the remote control. The TV channel changes to what looks like a Kids' WB affiliate, complete with a promo and annoying announcer's voice.]

ANNOUNCER: If you thought that our ‘Comedy Calvacade' wasn't enough, well, we've got great news for you! Starting tomorrow, you can catch all-new episodes of Animaniacs: the Next Generation and The New Tiny Toon Adventures Adventures!

[Clips from episodes of future versions of A!, TTA, F!, etc. air in rapid succession. The Warners and Max smile broadly.]

ANNOUNCER: As well as more of your personal old favorites! [Cue clips of other shows, such as Earthworm Jim and Road Rovers, as we as some clips from shows as yet unseen by 2000-dwelling denizens.] And yes, more of your favorite action-based series as well... [Cue two one-second-apiece clips of Batman in mid-punch, and a clip of what appears to be a Justice League cartoon series.] All here on *Kids' WB*! Don't miss it!

YAKKO: Boy, who'da thunk we'd wind up treated so well by our own network?

WAKKO: Yeah, or that there'd *finally* be a Justice League cartoon?

DOT: Or that they're actually producing promotional material that doesn't involve redubbing previous animation! And they've stopped playing to the lowest common denominator! And that they've realized that a show can score ratings with children and still be popular with adults, too!

MAX: I hope this inspires some hope for you three, especially once you've returned to your own time.

[Suddenly, the picture on the screen becomes distorted.]

YAKKO: Hey, what's going on?

[The picture forms the image of Axel Foley, standing in the midst of the ink disaster in Acme Labs.]

AXEL: Hey, you (bleeps)! Your old friend Axel here! I figured while I was borrowing Doc's car there, I'd look up both our futures, and you guys' future turns out a lot better than mine! In the (bleep)in year 2015, I'm still pluggin' away as some two-bit Detroit cop, while you guys are makin' it large on the tube again! Plus, I'm still really (bleep)ed off over your dumpin' me as a friend just for doin' a voiceover for Mulan! [Tears start to well up a bit in his eyes.] I mean...I thought you guys were my (bleep)in' buddies...then you turn on me just like that? I'm not such a bad guy...I just want some (bleep)in' acceptance...I just want to be loved... [Suddenly returning to himself.] So, I decided to get revenge on you by trashin' this Lab and blowin' your mousy friends to Kingdom (bleep)in' Come! [Laughs.] And look what else I got... [A figure steps out of the shadows, and we see what it is. A metallic-armored cyborg, with various weaponry being carried on its back, and it physically resembles a human-sized version of Brain.]

YAKKO: [Gasps] Hey, it's a Verminator...from the "Pinky & the Brain" comic book!

AXEL: That's right, chumps! Through a few...‘connections' of mine, I managed ta get access to this lovely piece of equipment and have him prepared ta do whatever I command!

VERMINATOR: [Speaking like "Ah-nold" Schwarzenegger] Sure, vhatevah you zay, Mistah ‘Mulan' dragon-voicing-man...

AXEL: [Looks briefly at the Verminator with some annoyance, then turns back to the screen.] You know, this is my first act of real villainy...I don't like to brag, but if I do say so, it's quite a work of art... [The camera pans over to Brain's silhouette in the ink-covered wall--which, seen under this context, looks like the spot where Brain hit the wall after whatever sort of atrocity Axel might have pulled.] ...wouldn't you agree? [Chuckles self-indulgently; the screen then goes to static, and returns to the regular broadcast--Dawson's Creek is airing, although all the stars are about 40 by now. The TV flips off. We pan to Yakko, holding the remote, looking a tad frightened.]

YAKKO: Geez...I mean, the Brain of this world wasn't exactly Mr. Congeniality, but...he couldn't really be...I mean, Axel wouldn't...would he?

MAX: From what I can tell, this guy's a few cashews short of a Planter's Mixed Nuts assortment...

WAKKO: So...you don't think he's a sufficient source of daily nutritional requirements?

MAX: Well, probably not...but now what can we do?

DOT: Seems pretty simple to me...we'll just go back in time an hour or so, go to the Lab, and warn Brain.

MAX: Sure, but your DeLorean won't be ready for another twenty-four hours...

YAKKO: Eeehhh...I don't know about you guys, but I wouldn't mind getting this thing cleared up as soon as possible...just the thought of Brain...and poor Pinky... [Shudders.]

DOT: Yakko's got a point...don't you fancy-schmancy clock-hopping gendarmes even have some kind of time-traveling equipment lying around?

MAX: Well...I have an idea, but it's a tad...risky. Are you willing to try it?

YAKKO: Let us confer. [The three sibs form a circle. Yakko looks at the two other and mutters something. Wakko shakes his head "no" gravely. Dot does the same. Yakko nods his head solemnly in agreement. The three turn to Max, looking very somber for a minute. Then, they all simultaneously light up, and Yakko yells:] Okay!

MAX: Alright, then...this way... [He begins to lead them away...we pan to Axel, ducked behind some boxes nearby. He climbs out and walks over to a VCR that's fairly close to the TV set our heroes were watching. He ejects a tape.]

AXEL: Perfect! This tape I filmed at the Lab made those kids think I blasted the mice's (bleep)in' skulls open...and now that they're ready to take desperate measures, they'll play right into my (bleep)in' hands! [More evil chuckling.]

[Fade to a short time later: the Warners and Max are being strapped into a rocket sled on railroad tracks, with a long-haired, glasses-wearing guy at the controls, á la the Timecop movie.]

WAKKO: Guys, I'm scared! I mean, Axel took over the airwaves! That's an act of real supervillainy! I've never had to face a real supervillain before...

YAKKO: Forget that, Wakko. I'm still wondering when Axel got clever, or got ahold of that Acme Labs-designed killer cyborg technology!

DOT: I'm glad Mr. Timecop himself is coming back with us to stop him! [Sighs dreamily, and gazes at Max.]

MAX: Well, anything to help a fan... [He smiles back at Dot.]

YAKKO: Great! C'mon, let's get... [Pointing finger forward.] *back...to...the....past*! [All stare at him.] Well, the recent past...that is, although it's still the future to us 2000-dwellers, it's the past relative to our current--

[The time sled fires up, and rockets down the tracks, cutting him off. The Warners' ears and faces curve back from the sled's speed, revealing their teeth and gums; Max merely grits his teeth. Soon, the sled reaches the end of the tracks, and deposits Max and the Warners in the past, or so they think...]

[The long-haired, glasses-wearing guy sits at the controls of the emergency time machine. The man peels off his skin, revealing none other than...Axel Foley!]

AXEL: That spare makeup from The Nutty Professor sure came in handy! Little do those little sons of (bleep)s know that instead of sending them back an hour, I've sent them forward in time to the year 3024 A.D.! With those four stranded in the future, I can do as I (bleep)ing well please!

[From behind Axel, the Verminator walks up with Pinky & the Brain in hand, tied up.]

BRAIN: [Obviously rather frightened, but trying to maintain his cool.] Well, you must think you're quite brilliant...using the ruined Lab to make the Warners think you'd bumped us off...tricking them into taking drastic measures...sending them even further into the future... Tell me, why didn't you really finish us?

AXEL: Kill you? Nah, I don't wanna (bleep)in' *KILL* nobody...I just wanted to get those pesky kids out of the way. But now that I've sentenced the 2000 Warners to live out the rest of their days over a thousand years in the future, here in 2015, they haven't even existed for sixteen (bleep)in' years!

[He glances over at a table with a copy of "Variety"; the front page shows a picture of the sibs and the headline "Crazed Kids Create Cuckoo Comeback; WB Future Bright". However, as per Axel's statement re: the sibs' now-nonexistence, the front page changes to read "WB Network Bombs With 'Huntsman Primetime Variety Hour', Future Looks Bleak" and a picture of said archerer being pelted with tomatoes.]

BRAIN: So, what do you plan to do now?

AXEL: Actually, I'm not quite sure yet...but at any rate, I'm gonna go have some fun! Vermy...make sure these (bleep)in' rodents don't escape while I'm gone.

VERMINATOR: You can count on me, bozz.

AXEL: Then, aloha! See ya in (bleep), ya (bleep)in' rodents! [He walks off laughing. The Verminator sets the tied-up mice on a chair.]

PINKY: [Whispering to Brain.] Brain, what are we going to do? We've got to save the Warners!

BRAIN: Yes, as vexing as it is, it's up to us to save those little hellions...

PINKY: But why is the Verminator evil again, Brain? Last time he was on our side!

BRAIN: True, but remember, all the events of our meetings with that Verminator eighteen years ago were eliminated from the time stream. As things are now, it's quite possible that he was never even built! However, those blueprints still exist in the Lab, which accounts for the existence of this Verminator, and possibly more wherever he came from.

PINKY: [Not getting any of this.] Aaand...?

BRAIN: Aaand...when I looked at those blueprints, I happened to note that our friend here has one big weakness...

PINKY: What's that, Brain?

BRAIN: He's a ham. [He turns to Vermy, and speaks smugly.] Say, I'll bet you couldn't survive in the heat of a real battle. I think all that fancy weaponry is just for show. In fact, I'll bet you don't even do your own stunts.

VERMINATOR: Oh, yah? Vatch dis, puny mousy man... [He goes into an action hero act, jumping around, doing flips, and shooting things with his inherent weaponry. By the time he's finished, every drape, lamp, table, chair, TV, and everything else is in shambles, either from his jumping on them, shooting them, kicking them, or punching them.] [Deadpan.] Maria picked out da living room set...I nevah cared for it. [Turns around to the chair where the mice were tied up.] So, Braainy, vhat did you think of-- [He gasps when he sees the string they were tied up in lying on the chair, and the mice gone.]

BRAIN: [Heard off-screen, from behind Vermy.] It looks like Brain outwits brawn once again, my egotistical friend. I do hope you'll forgive me for shunning and running, but-- [Vermy suddenly whirls around and opens fire on the closet behind him, where it sounded like Brain's voice was coming from. But as he spins around, we see the mice are actually standing on the Verminator's shoulder. They hop to the ground. Vermy, not noticing, yells over the sound of the firing weapon:]

VERMINATOR: Do you like sviss cheese, mices? Vell, you know vhat dey say... [He stops firing as suddenly as he started. The closet door, more hole than wood at this point, falls off its hinge to the floor.] ...you ah vhat you eat.

BRAIN: [From offscreen again.] You missed. [Vermy spins around in surprise, to find Brain standing back on the chair where they'd been tied up.]

VERMINATOR: Oh...now see! You'fe made me vaste a perfectly good closet door!

BRAIN: Face it, my friend...to use the vernacular, you've been shellacked. [As he says this, the Verminator looks down to see Pinky running around his feet, tying them together with the string the mice had been tied in. He helplessly tries to stop him, but Pinky pulls the string tight, and Vermy goes flying to the floor. Brain jumps off the chair, and the two mice go running off.] Hasta la vista, Vermy!

VERMINATOR: [Thoroughly miffed.] Oh, I do hate haffing my own catchy tag lines turned against me...

[We cut to the two mice, running away from the place as quickly as their little feet will carry them.]

BRAIN: [Running as he speaks.] Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

PINKY: [Huffing and puffing.] I think so, Brain, but how could the Fonz play a miserly old Scrooge when he never aged a week during Happy Days? [The mice pull around a corner, and Brain signals that they've traveled far enough to stop and catch their breath. Brain pants for a moment before he gathers himself and replies.]

BRAIN: No, Pinky, as intriguing as that may be... The only way to retrieve those imps from the year 3024 is to undergo the absurdly risky process of traveling to said year ourselves!

PINKY: But, where will we find a time machine at this time of night?

BRAIN: Not necessarily a time machine...by some miracle, might you recall the time we cryonically froze froze ourselves for forty years?

PINKY: Um... Oh! Oh! Are we going to freeze Sylvester Stallone, and then set him free thirty years from now, so he can wreak havoc in violent-free Las Angeles?

BRAIN: [Patiently.] Nope.

PINKY: Uh...put a down-on-his-luck pizza boy into deep-freeze for 1,000 years, and then watch his zany antics in a wild and wacky future?

BRAIN: [Still maintaining patience.] Nuh-uh.

PINKY: Put Mr. Freeze's wife into suspension until--

BRAIN: [Grabbing Pinky's mouth shut.] Enough of the '90's nostalgia, Pinky. No, my friend...we shall freeze ourselves, and set the chamber to awaken us in the year 3023!

PINKY: Don't you mean 3024, Brain?

BRAIN: No...we shall awaken in 3023. Then we shall have a year to prepare for the Warners' coming--and I have a feeling we'll need it. Remember, we have no idea what to expect in the world of the future! We'll be little help to the Warners unless we have some time to get acquainted with the strange new world ourselves first.

PINKY: [Joyfully hugging Brain.] Oh, Brain! Risking your life for the Warners! You really *DO* like them!

BRAIN: [Shoving Pinky off.] Nonsense...in fact, there's only one person on Earth that I would less rather see right now. Still, being stranded so far in the future is a fate I wouldn't wish on *ANYONE*...and besides, who knows what catastrophic result their absence will have on the time stream?

PINKY: Oh, right! So...where are the symphonic capitulators? Or, um...whatever?

BRAIN: Er...that's where it gets a bit more complicated...with the Lab in the shape that it is, I won't be able to get at our things for a week. And even if I could, it would take several more weeks to build two cryonic chambers...

PINKY: Why don't we get help?

BRAIN: Preposterous! Who'd be willing to help us? And at any rate, who *COULD*? My intellect is unmatched!

PINKY: Nuh-uuuh! I can think of someone even smarter than you...and she'd be *VERY* willing to help us, if you'd only let her!

BRAIN: [Frustrated.] Pinky, what are you babbling about? I-- [It suddenly dawns on him.] Oooh, no! Don't even think about it! She had her chance with us, and she blew it big time. No, no way, uh-uh. [He stubbornly turns his back on Pinky and crosses his arms.]

PINKY: [Begging at Brain's feet.] But, Brain! You said yourself that it'd take weeks to build a cyronic thingamabob! Think of all that could happen before then! Axel is running rampant! He could find out about our plans and lock us up and we'd never be able to save them! [Softly pleading.] If anyone can help, she can. Please...just give her a chance...for me?

BRAIN: [Looking down at the pathetic sight at his feet. Pinky's eyes are wide in fright at what could happen, and filled with tears. He looks powerlessly up at Brain. Brain sighs.] Alright...alright, we'll go to her. But how will we ever find her?

PINKY: [Jumping up excitedly.] Don't worry! I've got it written down in my address book back at the Lab!

BRAIN: [Surprised.] Since when?

PINKY: Well, she knew I always had that spiffy address book you gave me for Christmas, and how much I enjoy writing people's names down in the slots whenever I get the chance. So, when she found a place, she sent me a letter with the address for me to write in nice, pretty, big letters! I personally think it's some of my finer work.

BRAIN: Was this the only time you heard from her since we parted ways?

PINKY: Mm-hm.

BRAIN: Hmph...I'll have to screen the mail more closely from now on... [Pinky gives him a look that's about as close to reproach as he's capable of.] Well, then, let's go get this book and be off...and you owe me big time for this one.

[Sudden cut to Billie. We see her carrying a shiny red bead, running and puffing through an alley as if something were chasing her. She looks older and more tired than we know her to be, but she's still in very good shape. She wears a worn-looking patchwork quilt, tied around her neck like a cape. As she stops to catch a breath, we see what she's running from--a big, black cat, which approaches silently from behind. At the last moment, just before if can bring its paw down on her, she spots it, gasps, and dashes off, clinging to the bead. The cat starts off in pursuit. As she runs, Billie knocks apple cores, empty milk containers, and whatever else she can into the cat's path to slow him down. As she turns the corner of the building, her "cape" snags on a broken bottle bottom. It slips off her, and she goes tumbling forward, dropping the bead. The cat is momentarily distracted by the piece of material, intrigued. Instead of escaping, though, Billie turns around.]

BILLIE: Oh, heck...

[She goes dashing back, grabbing the quilt off the jagged piece of glass. The cat attempts to bring his paw down on her, but she runs off just in time, and he gets a pawful of the broken bottle. He yowls in pain and runs off. Billie grabs up the bead and runs off, quilt in hand. She soon turns in to a little crack on the side of the building. We follow her inside to see the place isn't nearly as shabby as the exterior would suggest. She's surrounded by all manner of odd-looking gadgets and trinkets, painstakingly manufactured from simple trinkets found on the street like bottle caps, crumpled bubble gum wrappers, and discarded toys. She dejectedly throws her latest item, the bead, into the corner, and passes all her creations without the slightest trace of admiration or pride. She plops down at the back of the joint, in the darkest corner, and analyzes the damage done to the quilt. It's received a tear along the bottom edge. Her eyes well up with tears for a moment. She then closes her eyes and hugs the blanket close to her.]

BILLIE: [Whispering.] Aw, Pinky...

[We cut to the two mice, standing right outside Billie's crack in the wall. Pinky is dragging a human-sized address book, which like everything else in the Lab, is covered with ink on the outside.]

BRAIN: Are you *SURE* this is the place?

PINKY: Yep! Building 349, Crack No. 3B.

BRAIN: [Gruffly.] Very well...remember, I'm only doing this for you...don't expect for me to be any more forgiving or hospitable toward her than I've ever been. [They march inside. Pinky looks around in awe at Billie's achievements; Brain scoffs.] The world's smartest rodent, and quite possibly the most intelligent being on Earth...wasting her talents on useless trinkets! [He spins a propeller-like blade on one, and it falls off.] Hm. Shoddy quality, too.

BILLIE: [Walking out from the shadows, still drying her eyes.] I'll thank you to leave my stuff alo-- [Gasps.] Eggy?!

BRAIN: Yeah, but don't go breaking out the peace pipe. I'm only here because we need your help-- [Billie doesn't even hear him. She runs over to Pinky and embraces him lovingly.]

BILLIE: Oh, Pinky! It's been so long...you still look as cute as ever! I just wish I--oh, hang on! [She dashes over to the corner by the door and grabs the bead. She then runs back to Pinky and hands it to him. He does his best to get his arms around it.] Here...for you!

PINKY: Ooo...a shiny!

BILLIE: Yeah...heh heh! A "shiny"! Oh, I've missed you...

BRAIN: [Ahem.] As I was saying...

BILLIE: [Running over to Brain.] Oh, Eggy, I'm so sorry about that New Year's incident, I really am! I never meant to--I mean--oh, can you ever forgive me? [Her eyes well up with tears again, as she looks at him pleadingly.]

BRAIN: [Pitilessly.] That's not what I came here to talk about. Against my better judgment, I came to seek your assistance. You see, Pinky and myself have become involved in a matter of ubiquitous importance, and time is of the essence. A madman has been given power that no person on Earth should have, and we must set things straight before he can execute it. The fate of the very universe lies in our hands.

BILLIE: [Rather amused.] You always were a bit melodramatic.

BRAIN: Very well...I withdraw my request for assistance. Come, Pinky... [He begins marching toward the door.]

BILLIE: [Grabbing him.] No! Wait! I'll-- [Calming down.] Fill me in on the details, and I'll see what I can do. [Brain grimaces, but doesn't resist.]

[We fade ahead to the next morning. As the sun rises, we see a human-sized microwave outside Billie's niche. She's on top of it with a screwdriver, making some final adjustments. She then lowers a line off the top and slides down to the ground, to join the other two.]

BILLIE: Well, it's done!

BRAIN: *WHAT* is?

BILLIE: This will act as our cryonic chamber!

BRAIN: The microwave?

BILLIE: Mm-hm! I've readjusted the frequency of the microwaves so instead of agitating and vibrating our water molecules, they'll freeze 'em!

BRAIN: Preposterous! Impossible! It can't be done.

BILLIE: [Grinning.] Nothing can be done, until it is done. Ain't that what science is all about--doing things that could never be done before?

BRAIN: Bah. Don't try to double-talk me. There's no way I'm getting into that thing.

BILLIE: Oh, don't be such a baby... [She opens the door and shoves Brain inside, despite his protests. Pinky hops in, and Billie punches "1008" on the timer, to indicate the number of years they want to be frozen. She hits "Start," and follows the others inside, shutting the door behind her. We hear their voices from inside.]

PINKY: Um, Brain? Two questions...

BRAIN: [Irritated.] Yes?

PINKY: First: How do we know this thing won't wind up buried beneath layers and layers of dirt a thousand years from now?

BRAIN: [A bit nervous.] Er...I hadn't thought of that...what was the other question?

PINKY: How are we going to get back to the year 2015, again?

BRAIN: [Even more nervous.] Uh...um... [Hysterical.] Billie! Let me out of this thing!!! Let me-- [Suddenly, he's silenced. We hear no more from anyone inside, as frost begins to cover the front screen...]

---continued---


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