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"WAITING FOR GO-BOO"
(with apologies to both Samuel Beckett and Steven Spielberg)
by DR. BELCH


[SCENE: the middle of nowhere. The only scenery is a skinny little tree. Two tramps are standing on either side of it. They strongly resemble the two starving men in "Wakiki Wabbit"--one tall and gaunt, the other short and heavyset. Their dress resembles that of Charlie Chaplin's Little Tramp--shabby coats, dirty derby hats, etc. The fat one, ESTRAGON (GOGO) plumps down on a low mound and fumbles to remove his boot. We hear a snatch of Laurel and Hardy-type music in the background. ESTRAGON pulls off his boot with both hands, panting. he gives up, exhausted, rests, tries again. As before. Gives up again.]

ESTRAGON
Nothing to be done.

VLADIMIR [the thin one]
What are you doing?

ESTRAGON
Taking off my boot. Did that never happen to you?

VLADIMIR
Boots must be taken off every day. I'm tired of telling you that. Why don't you listen to me?

ESTRAGON
[feebly] Help me!

VLADIMIR
It hurts?

ESTRAGON
[angrily] Hurts! He wants to know if it hurts!

VLADIMIR
[angrily] no one ever suffers but you. I don't count. I'd like to hear  what you'd say if you had what I have.

ESTRAGON
It hurts?

VLADIMIR
[angrily] Hurts! He wants to know if it hurts! {He takes off his hat, peers inside it.] Funny. [He knocks on the crown as though to dislodge a foreign body, making a knocking-on-a-barrel sound, peers into it again,  puts it on again.] Nothing to be done.
{ESTRAGON with a supreme effort succeeds in pulling off his boot. He peers inside it, feels about inside it, turns it upside down, shakes it, making a noise like a rock rattling in a tin can, looks on the ground to see if anything has fallen out,  finds nothing, feels inside it again, staring sightlessly before him.] Well?

ESTRAGON
Nothing.

VLADIMIR
Show.

ESTRAGON
There's nothing to show.

[VLADIMIR approaches ESTRAGON and starts grabbing at his clenched ands. ESTRAGON pulls them away. VLADIMIR continues grabbing. The two men do a silly little hand-slapping thing, like a couple of little girls. They stop.]

ESTRAGON
[panting from the effort] Let's go.

VLADIMIR
We can't.

ESTRAGON
Why not?

VLADIMIR
We're waiting for Goboo.

ESTRAGON
Oh. [falls silent]
[A BOY enters. He looks a lot like Colin (Randy Beaman's pal).]

BOY
Um...okay...so one time Randy Beaman was picking his nose in class...and some kid in front of him leaned back and bumped his elbow with his desk...and Randy Beaman poked a hole in his brain with his fingernail.

ESTRAGON
What do you want, boy?

VLADIMIR
You have a message from Mr. Goboo?

BOY
Uh-huh.

ESTRAGON
I hear Goboo is a wise and benevolent being who will come to save us from this misery called Life and take us to Paradise with Him.

VLADIMIR
I hear Goboo is a grim specter of death who will smite us with one ouch of his mighty hand and end our worthless existence.

BOY
I hear Goboo is a giant chicken.
[ESTRAGON and VLADIMIR recoil in horror at what he says.]

ESTRAGON
Blasphemy!

VLADIMIR
Falsehood!

ESTRAGON
Get on with you, boy! [kicks at him, missing]

VLADIMIR
Leave us, you unruly child! [pushes the boy offscreen]

ESTRAGON
Goboo, a giant chicken?

VLADIMIR
It's simply ridiculous.

ESTRAGON
Idiotic.

VLADIMIR
Foolish.

ESTRAGON
Moronic.

VLADIMIR
Stupid.

ESTRAGON
Yes.

VLADIMIR
Yes.

[ESTRAGON and VLADIMIR fall silent.]

[BG MUSIC: the spaceship theme from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". ESTRAGON and VLADIMIR snap to attention. P.O.V. shot of a dark huge figure stepping from the shadows, heavily backlit. A light falls slowly on him and reveals a long brown sackcloth robe with a hood concealing his face, tied at the waist with a rope. He raises one hand in a papal gesture of blessing.]

ESTRAGON
[excited] It's Him!

VLADIMIR
[excited] It is Him!

ESTRAGON
Goboo!

VLADIMIR
Goboo!

ESTRAGON
Goboo is here!

VLADIMIR
Here is Goboo!

[VLADIMIR and ESTRAGON fall at Goboo's feet--noticeably chicken-ish feet--and kiss them frantically.]

VLADIMIR
Teach us!

ESTRAGON
Yes! Teach us!

VLADIMIR
Lead us!

ESTRAGON
Yes! Lead us!

VLADIMIR
Goboo is about to speak!

ESTRAGON
Yes! Let us listen.

"GOBOO"
Buck buck buck bu-cawww.

ESTRAGON
He has spoken!

VLADIMIR
Yes! He has spoken!

ESTRAGON
Goboo has told us the Truth!

VLADIMIR
Yes! Goboo has told us the Truth!

["GOBOO" is nodding his head emphatically, touching the heads of VLADIMIR and ESTRAGON in a reverent manner to bless them. Suddenly his hood slips back and reveals a chicken head. "GOBOO" frantically readjusts his hood, but his belt comes untied and his robe opens up, then falls off. CHICKEN BOO stands naked before them, cocking his head  inquisitively.]

CHICKEN BOO
Buck-buck-buck-buck-bucgaw?

VLADIMIR
He IS a chicken!

ESTRAGON
A giant chicken!

VLADIMIR
He's a chicken, I tell you! A giant chicken!

ESTRAGON
What does this mean?

VLADIMIR
[becoming angry] It means we have waited lo these last fifty years for a giant chicken! What a waste!

ESTRAGON
[echoes] What a waste! [pauses] What now?

VLADIMIR
[getting a mean hungry look in his eyes, drooling slightly] I say--WE EAT HIM!!

ESTRAGON
Yes!! Let us eat Godot and live!

CHICKEN BOO
[worried] Buck bagaw?

[The two men advance, wielding knives and forks and slavering.]

CHICKEN BOO
[shrieking] Bacawww!!!

[VLADIMIR and ESTRAGON chase BOO around the set. The BOY (COLIN) reappears in the foreground by the treee as the three figures chase in silhouette in the background.]

BOY
Okay, bye. [toddles off]

THEME: You wear a disguise to look like human guys, But you're not a man, you're a chicken, Boo.

FIN. IRIS OUT.

 

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