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THE FLINTWARNERS

 By Brainatra


[We fade into an overhead shot of the WB Studio, with the buildings, landscape, etc. looking rather "Flintstones"-like. We see the water tower, looking equally pseudo-Neolithic, as well.]

[Fade into Dr. Scratchensniff's office (furnished Flintstones style), where we see Yakko, dressed like Fred Flintstone, harassing Dr. Scratchensniff, who's also dressed in Flinstones clothes; suddenly, a whistle can be heard blowing from off-screen.]

YAKKO: Yabba-dabba---er, I mean, "Helloooo, nurse!"

[Yakko jumps out of a window in the office, and slides down a curved tree located just outside of said window. Yakko then jumps into a golf cart resembling the Flintsones' car. He does the "Flintstone foot power" thing to get it going, with an A! version of the Flintstones music playing in the background. Yakko drives through the studio, passing various "modern Stone Aged" movie sets, until he reaches the water tower, pulls in front of it, and honks the horn. Wakko and Dot, dressed like Barney Rubble and Wilma Flintstone, respectively, come bolting out of the tower at top speed, and get into the golf cart, which then takes off...]

[Cut to a scene of the golf cart puttering down a road, with Yakko providing the "fuel" for the vehicle. Yakko looks *extremely* tired by this point, while Dot and Wakko, in the back seat, are seen resting, using the front seat's back cushion as a footrest...]

YAKKO: [sounding exhausted/annoyed] Geez, you guys, maybe you should cut back on some of those after-dinner desserts...

[Dot glare annoyedly at Yakko. Wakko grins sheepishly]

WAKKO: Sorry...

[They pull into a drive-in, with a sign out front stating "Now playing: Tartanic, starring Leonardo Brickcaprio". Yakko pulls up to a speaker, and collapses on the steering wheel, looking completely exhausted. We cut to the screen, and fade to black.]

[fade into the Flintstonian-looking water tower, apparently well after the drive-in scene has taken place. The entire interior is in the standard Flintstones decor...we see the Warners sitting on a couch...]

YAKKO: [sounding a bit annoyed] I can't believe we got roped into doing a Flintstones parody! What do I look like, the little car engine that could?

[YAKKO puts his feet into a tub of water, and pours Epson salts into it; Yakko sighs in relief]

DOT: It could be worse; we could be doing a parody of the Flintstone *Kids*...[Dot shudders]

WAKKO: Say, Yakko, after you're all rested up, can we go over to the studio and watch that new video that "Lauryn Hill-side" is filming? *Helloooo, "Fugees" Nurse!*

YAKKO: [perking up a bit] Um, sure, Wakko...and maybe after that, we could take a weekend trip to "Chipcago", and be on the "Oprah Winfrock Show"!

WAKKO: Or visit "Indianrockpolis!" And see "Jeff Gordge-on" race at the "Indianrockpolis 500"!

YAKKO: Or go to "Rock Vegas"!

WAKKO: Or "Bostone"!

YAKKO: Or "Washingstone, B.C." and see "President Clintstone" and the "Jefferstone Memorial" and the "Smithstoney-an Museum" and the "Missing Link-oln Memorial"!

WAKKO: Hey, I can come up with more "rock" puns than *you*!

YAKKO: Oh, *yeah*?

WAKKO: *Yeah*!

YAKKO: *OH, YEAH*?!

WAKKO: *YEAH!!*

DOT: [screaming] AAAAAH! Enough with those stupid "rock" puns, already!

YAKKO: Oh...sorry, Dot...

DOT: Though to be honest, I *did* kind of like that "Chipcago" pun...

YAKKO: Aaactually, according to the script...[Yakko pulls out from behind him a stone-paged script, and flips through it] we have to go to our "modern stone aged" blue-collar job right now...at Plotz's Rock and Gravel Company...

WAKKO: Faboo! Let's go, then!

YAKKO: Aaaaah, sure thing, but how about if we let *Dot* drive this time?

DOT: Um...okaaaay...

[fade into "Plotz's Rock and Gravel Co."'s gravel pit; seated atop a large brontosaurus-turned-crane are seated the Warners... Dot, however, is rubbing her feet in pain...]

YAKKO: You feelin' OK, Dot? Hittin' the brakes on these "modern Stone Age" cars hurts a *lot* more than the "Flintstones" ever let on, let me tell you...maybe they oughta invent some "modern Stone Aged" power anti-lock brakes for those things...

DOT: [with her teeth gritted, at the camera] I'm going to hurt my brother badly for this after this story's over...

[from a shack at the bottom of the gravel pit, we see Plotz walk out from the office; the door reads "Thaddeusaurus Plotz, C.E.O."; Mr. Plotz walks over to the Warners' bronto-crane, wearing clothes similar to Mr. Slate's...]

PLOTZ: *Flintwarners*! Aren't you finished yet? We have to get this done by 5 PM!

YAKKO: Sure, Mr. Plotz! C'mon, sibs, let's get this show on the road!

Y&D: Right!

[with zany trumpet fanfare music playing, the Warners begin pulling a bunch of levers on the bronto-crane's controls, causing the beast to lunge into various strange positions, and careen all over the pit's area, sending the other employees running away from the out-of-control dinosaur screaming...the beast eventually makes its way towards the direction of Plotz, who, noticing this, begins screaming and runs off, only to be trapped in a corner of the pit. The bronto speeds towards Plotz's cowering form, and is about to step on the sweating-profusely C.E.O. when suddenly, a whistle is heard blown...we do a zip pan to reveal that the "whistle" is really Tweety, blowing into a gym coach-type of whistle...]

TWEETY: Hey, it beats watching Putty get beaten up by Hector 47 times per episode...well, almost. [Tweety broadly grins at the camera in his 1940's style of grin...]

[zip pan back to the Warners, who, having stopped the dinosaur's mindless rampage, slide down the crane's back...they walk over to the anxious-looking Plotz. The dinosaur's foot is frozen in place, all of one foot above Plotz's head; Plotz wipes his brow in relief...]

DOT: [to the camera] Well, that was pointless.

YAKKO: So true, Dot. What do ya wanna do now, guys?

WAKKO: Hmmm...ooh, ooh, I know! Let's go home and use some of our faboo "modern stone-age" gadgets!

YAKKO: Sure, why not...may as well get *those* jokes out of the way, as well...

[Cut back to the Flintwarners' water tower, where we see the Warners sitting on a couch. Wakko pulls into the scene a television set, on top of which we see Babs Bunny sitting, dressed in Flintstones-esque clothing, with her usual ear bows replaced with bones...]

DOT: [rolling her eyes] Let me guess..."rabbit ears" antennae?

BABS: [looking annoyed by her technological "role"] Well, I'm not a minidish system, if that's what you mean...

[Wakko turns a knob on the set's front, and instantly, we see an image of Baloney pop up...]

BALONEY: Hiya, kids! All set for some gosh-a-riffic, really neato Stone Age fun with your favorite prehistoric pal, *me*? *Huh, huh, huh*!

[the Warners and Babs scream; Wakko rushes back over to the set, and changes the channel. We see an image of "Clint Driftwood" pop up, wielding Flintstones-style slingshot six-shooters...a title card is displayed indicating the film's title is "A Fistful of Sand Dollars"...however, the picture quality immediately starts to deteriorate, as, panning away from the TV screen, we see that Babs has gotten off the TV set and is walking towards the door...]

DOT: Hey, where are you going?

BABS: Sorry, but I was getting bored, and besides, Buster promised to take me to see that "Tartanic" movie...see ya! [Babs leaves]

DOT: Hmph, *another*  pointless bit...

WAKKO: Yeah, and I was looking forward to watching "David Lettercaveman" tonight...

[Dot shoots Wakko a glance that says, "no more dumb 'rock' puns, *please*"...Wakko grins broadly back.]

DOT: So, what "fascinating" stone-age device do we use next?

WAKKO: Ooh, I know! How about we listen to some "rock" music on our "Stony"-brand stereo system?

[Dot and Yakko stare at Wakko, looking perplexed...]

WAKKO: Oh, yeah, sorry...I guess that particular pun *was* pretty bad...but we do get *paid* for the brand-name reference!

[we see a hand reach in, and hand a large sack of money to the Warners, as a few strands of "We're In the Money" plays...the Warners grab the money, and grin at the camera...]

YAKKO: Hey, in-movie advertising worked for McDonald's in the "Flintstones" movie...or was that "*Rock*Donald's"?

DOT: [ignoring Yakko's pun] C'mon, already...let's go put on some tunes!

[The Warners walk over to a "Stony"-brand stereo system, which consists of a record player on a large square rock with buttons on the front. We see Bobby and Squit tied with string to either side of the player, apparently acting as "speakers", and Pesto standing by the turntable itself, also apparently acting as the "needle"...]

 PESTO: I don't freakin' believe this! What do I look like, some audio buff's plaything?!

 [the Warners go through a stack of nearby LP's, reading the titles: "the Jackstone Five", Luther Vandrocks", "Elstone John", "Whitney Houstone", "Jefferstone Airplane", "Jimi Hendrocks"...]

DOT: *sigh*...not *more* "rock" puns...oh, well...

[the Warners decide to select the "Jackstone Five" album, and put it on the turntable. Wakko presses Pesto's face down towards the turntable, so that his beak meets with the record's surface; Pesto grimaces in pain. Bobby and Squit, acting as the "speakers", start singing...]

B&S: [badly off-key] *A-B-C*...*easy as one-two-three*!

[the Warners cover their ears in reaction to the pigeons' poor singing...]

[suddenly, Pesto leaps up off the record, and stares at Squit...]

PESTO: What did you call me?

SQUIT: Nothin' Pesto! Just singing "easy as one-two-three"!

PESTO: So, I'm some sort 'a "Easy Bake Oven", here to make delicious snacks for you in three simple steps, is that it?!

SQUIT: No, Pesto, I'm---

PESTO: *That's it*! [Pesto leaps at Squit, and a fight cloud breaks out. Bobby, as usual, starts laughing. The Warners watch all this with some amount of annoyance on their faces...]

DOT: [rolling her eyes] Guys, I'm not sure I can take much more of this...

YAKKO: Don't worry, Dot, this parody's almost over...I think. Anyway, I think we still have to use at least one more "modern Stone Age" device before we're through...

DOT: Sure, why not?

[Wakko pulls into the scene an old-time camera on a tripod, with Slappy standing next to the side of it, holding flashpowder on a stick]

YAKKO: Are you the photographer, Slappy?

SLAPPY: No, I'm the automatic, or should I say, "rockomatic", timer and flash! All my luck...first, that lousy flippin' "Pokemon" chainlink fan fiction story thing we did, and now, *this*! And all 'a these dumb "Chipcago" type of rock gags, to boot...

 [The Warners stand in front of the camera, with Dot pressing a switch on the camera labeled "timer"]

 SLAPPY: Ok, Ok, let's see here...[pulls out a lighter, and lights a fuse on the flashpowder. *Very* quickly, an explosion rocks the room, and when the dust clears, Slappy is seen looking the worse for wear...]

SLAPPY: [loopily] Shrimp boats and the women who love them...next on Oprah! Toot-toot! [Slappy collapses]

[the Warners remove the photo from the camera...]

DOT: Geez, you guys, this is getting ridiculous!

WAKKO: [looking at the photo] Yeah, can't believe I blinked in *another* photo!

DOT: *No*, not *that*! I mean, these dumb "rock" puns, the gross ASPCA violations required to get all of these stupid, impossible "modern stone-age" gadgets work, people being forced to act like V6 engines to get stone-and-wood constructed cars to run...something's up here, guys!

YAKKO: I agree, Dot, and I bet I know *who*'s responsible for all this!

WAKKO: [looking confused] Gee, who, Yakko?

YAKKO: I'm talking about---[Yakko reaches up in the air, and pulls down a new background behind him and his sibs]

YAKKO: *Them*!

[we see what seems to be a (normal, not Flinstones-looking) office, with various crumbled wads of paper and pencils lying about; we see none other than Pinky and Elmyra seated in front of a computer terminal, with Elmyra "typing", or rather, hunting and pecking, at the keys...]

PINKY: [laughing hysterically] *Wha-ha-haha!* "Chipcago"! *NARF*!

ELMYRA: Oooh, I think I'll make Mr. Big Headed Mousey play garbage disposal for the next sceney-weenie!

[the Warners react to this rehashing up of one of "Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain's" most dreadful "gags" by screaming...]

YAKKO: [stepping towards the "Dynamic Duo"] Aaaaaah, listen, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to put a stop to this thing, you guys!

PINKY: *Wa-hahaha*!...um, OK! *POIT*! [Pinky walks over to the Warners]

ELMYRA: But I still haven't finished this story-wory yet, fuzzyheads!

DOT: You wanna bet?

[the Warners all pull on separate ropes that suddenly appear in the air next to them; instantly, 3 anvils clang down *hard* on the Oaf's head]

ELMYRA: [muffled from being buried under the anvils' weight] Ooooooohhh...well, maybe you fuzzyheads have a...point...after...all....[Elmyra finally passes out]

[the Warners look at this sight, then turn towards the camera, and smile. Pinky looks onward at the anvilled Elmyra, and shrugs his shoulders at the camera...]

[the image begins to do the "iris-out-to-the-end" thing, but instead, the iris partially closes, then opens back up to a scene with the Warners sitting in an empty movie theater balcony; we see that the Warners are in the midst of debating the "merits" of the source material borrowed from for this "Flintwarners" thing...]

YAKKO: ...true, Dot, though they were supposed to be "best friends", I did kind of wonder why the Flintstones and Rubbles always fought like 3-year-olds in practically every other episode over something petty?

DOT: Or why if Barney's supposed to be Fred's best friend, why Fred always kept arguing with him half of the time or threatening to hit him if Barney didn't follow along with Fred's latest harebrained idea? [mumbles to herself] Which reminds me a bit of a certain large-headed lab mouse that we know...

WAKKO: Or why the show expected us to buy the idea that humans and dinosaurs existed at the same time? I mean, *really*, I'm not *gullible*...well, maybe not *that* gullible...[Wakko grins]

DOT: And while I suppose the show was a product of the time it was made, there's all that "a woman's place is in the home to cook and clean" stuff that Fred kept saying in almost every other episode...you'd have thought Wilma was working for the Bedrock Holiday Inn rather than being somebody's loved one...

YAKKO: Yeah...or how all the use of animals as the "Neolithic" Equivalent of Circuit City's electronics selection makes Elmyra's abusiveness almost look like the work of an amateur?

DOT: Or why that show had continuity on par with the average writing level of a 5-year-old? I mean, would it have been too much trouble to at least keep Fred's boss's *name* the same in each episode?

WAKKO: Yeah...and don't forget those "rock" puns! Though they *were* kind of funny..."Chipcago", heh, heh...

DOT: [smiles a bit at that pun, then goes back to looking a bit agitated] Well, maybe, but still, stuff like "Jay Lenostone"? It'd be *easier* to just say "Jay Leno" rather than use some name that's more complicated than it has to be just to make a reference to some stupid geological element!

WAKKO: Um, shouldn't that be "Jade Leno", Dot?

DOT: [even more agitated] See?! That's exactly the sort of thing that I'm talking abou--

YAKKO: Whoa, whoa, take it easy there, sibs! I think we've more than established all the faults of the source of our "Flintwarners" parody...

DOT: [calming down] Yeah, I guess you're right.

WAKKO: Yeah...

YAKKO: I just hope we're not forced into doing anything like *this* again anytime soon...

[suddenly, we hear an announcer's voice...]

ANNOUNCER: We hope you've enjoyed our parody fan fiction, "The Flintwarners"! Join us next time, when the Warners will star in..."The Jetsibs"! So long, for now!

[as closing music plays, the Warners suddenly realize...]

WARNERS: The *JETSIBS*?! Oh, *nooooo*....[to the camera] *IRIS OUT ALREADY, PLEEEASE?!*

[quickly iris out to...]

THE END

---

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner, Mr. Plotz, Tweety, Sylvester, Hector, Slappy Squirrel, Pinky, the Brain, Elmyra, Pesto, Bobby, Squit, Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny are all 1999 by Warner Bros. and used without permission. The Flintstones and the Jetsons 1999 Hanna-Barbara, used without permission. The rest is 1999 by Brainatra.

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