'RETURN OF THE JOKER' GIVEAWAY
In trying to get people both more involved with the
newsletter AND want to help them out at the same time, we're offering anyone that
participates in our NO MAN'S ISLAND column a chance to win unedited copies of RETURN OF
THE JOKER.
The way it works is as follows: vote for the two characters
you'd like to vote off the island. Of the characters that are being cast off or even
nominated in that particular issue, we will randomly select one of these characters for
our contest. Anyone who voted for this character will be entered into a draw, according to
the e-mail address from which their ballot was recieved. Every issue, we will randomly
select one e-mail address (from a hat, to make it fair) and that participant, if willing,
wins a copy of the unedited movie!
It is only possible to win once; you may vote for NO MAN'S
ISLAND as often as you like, but you will only be entered into our RETURN OF THE JOKER
giveaway if you are a subscriber and have not already won a copy in a previous voting
session.
If the selected winner for whatever reason declines, the will
be another draw for that same week. Each e-mail address can only win once! The catch? The
winner, if agreeing, must provide a tape and enough money to cover postage ($5 American)
of the tape to and from their place of residence. There will be no extra profit for us at
BATMAN: THE ANIMATED NEWSLETTER (as that would be illegal) or anything. We just want to
get this movie out to more people as it's not going to be definately released on tape just
yet.
NOTE: I am not promoting the act of bootlegging videos and
making a profit from it, I am merely looking for the cost of the tape and postage, so fans
will be able to view the movie as it was supposed to be.
That said, let's get voting! (And make sure to read the
NO MAN'S ISLAND section below.)
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NO MAN'S ISLAND
ROUND ELEVEN
(the SURVIVOR rip-off...erm...homage)
(by Tim "TWO-FACE" Leighton)
Ra's Al Ghul and his team of urban renewalists dominated the
last round, succeeding in the destruction of the Iceburg Lounge and a good portion of
Gotham City along with it. Plant life is sprouting everywhere, taking over the entire
city; if we were to end the challenge today, we'd have to declare Ra's Al Ghul the winner.
Still, there's a lot of road to go...what will unfold this round?
...A WALTZ DOWN MEMORY LANE...
A WORD FROM THE CAST-AWAYS:
CLAYFACE: "Ohhh, I'll be back...just in time...for the sequel...hey, a little
shameless plugging never hurts, does it?"
TALIA: "I never wanted my father to destroy Gotham - why must I always somehow get
dragged into his mad schemes...and I never even got to see my Beloved, not even
once..."
"You see? I told you! I told you ALL, and NOOOOO one
believed me! Ha! Now don't you feel like a bunch of idiots???" The Riddler exploded
into one of his rants in the aftermath of the explosion that leveled half of Gotham last
round. "The Ventriloquist is dead. D.E.A.D. DEAD! It was the Joker that
destroyed City Hall, not Scarface - who's the brains of this operation now?"
The Scarecrow whirled around and aimed his arm at his
diminutive companion, whisps of brown gas seeping from his splayed fingertips. "Shut
up, Edward, unless you want a fate worse than death."
That calmed the Riddler down. "Whatever. You're just mad
that the boss is mad at you."
"He's not the boss," the Scarecrow whispered,
receding back into the shadows.
"Oh yeah? I don't see YOU giving any orders around here,
Crane," the Riddler taunted; the Scarecrow was silent.
A metal door creaked open down a hallway shooting off from
the room; a second later, "CRAAAAAAANE..." It was Two-Face.
The Scarecrow sighed and moved in the direction of the voice.
The Riddler giggled to himself. "You're whipped," he said, followed up with a
whipping sound and corresponding arm movement. The Scarecrow snarled and left the room;
this gang held no future for him.
Meanwhile, the Batsquad, GCPD, and uneasy ally Mr. Freeze
quickly made their way across town moments after the explosion. "You sure it's a good
idea to have this guy following us, Commish?" Bullock panted as he clutched his
heaving, blubbery chest.
"Not really, but Batman gave us his word, so I trust he
knows what he's doing."
Regardless, the cops continued charging ahead, leaving Freeze
to drag his own massive weight ever so slowly behind them.
Batman crouched down atop a craggly skyscraper near the
remains of the Iceburg Lounge; the entire building had sunk into a neon green sinkhole not
unlike the one he had seen across town in the weeks before - a Lazarus Pit.
"Ra's..." he thought to himself; he waved a discreet hand signal to both Batgirl
and Nightwing, each other their own stake-out positions on other nearby towers overgrown
with vines. They both scattered; Batman sat for a moment on the ledge to think.
"Oh, Mr. Wayne, what a pleasure it is to see you
again." Batman whirled around and squinted as he looked into the darkness behind him;
Bane stood about five feet away, trapping Batman on the cracked precipice. Batman began to
side-step out of Bane's sight. "I suggest you turn around before you contemplate
trying anything." Batman cocked his head to the side ever so slightly, only to
see Batgirl trapped amidst a maze of vines and Nightwing tied up with a sword resting
against his throat on the opposite side of the pit; Poison Ivy and Ra's Al Ghul waved and
leered back at him. "OK, Batman," Bane said, taunting as he flexed his muscles,
"do your thing."
Batman growled and silently stepped backwards, falling out of
sight. Bane lurched forward to see Batman shoot out a grappling hook and swoop through the
steam from the pit towards Ra's and Ivy. He knew that he wouldn't be able to follow him
that way; no matter, he had all the time in the world.
The Scarecrow entered Two-Face's chamber and closed the door
silently behind him; Two-Face, crouched over Harley Quinn's body, laying in his bed.
"Crane, sit down." And so he did. "Let's get to the point. How stupid could
you be? That fear gas stunt you pulled was the most imbecilic, moronic thing you could
have done and now Quinn here is paying for your mistake." Harley lay in the bed,
throwing her head back and forth, moaning and mumbling to the objects of her hallucinated
fears.
"No Mistah J...no...NO...please, not that...not my
Barbie's hair...NOOO..."
The Scarecrow gasped in mock-horror. "Well at least I
finally got to do SOMETHING..."
"You do nothing until I tell you to, that's how things
work in this gang. Got that?" He put his hand on Harley's forehead to calm her
shaking movements; he grunted in disapproval. "TWO things and we're on the up and up
again, Crane. Get this girl an antidote - and then prove your worth to me. Show me that
you have what it takes to be in this group." The Scarecrow stood in silence.
"Adjourned." The Scarecrow tossed Two-Face a tiny vial and left the
bedroom without a word. Two-Face growled in his throat and carefully poured the liquid
contents of the vial into Harley's mouth. "It'll be alright, Quinn...just keep still,
now..."
AND AFTER AN ELEVENTH ROUND OF VOTING...
Boy, was the Joker mad. First, his best
slave...erm...target...no..."girlfriend" left him. Second, he was unable to
destroy Two-Face's empire that took up half of Gotham's geographical area. Then some idiot
stole his bit and destroyed the other half of the city without his approval or input. And
now, he has a hangnail. A HANGNAIL! This just wasn't his day.
Venturing out into the shadows, the Joker noted something
running across the rooftops high above him in his general direction - something in red -
and black - with a cape. "Oooo..." he grinned, rubbing his hands together; he
quickly ran back into his current lair and looked across the concrete landscape through a
pair of binoculars. It was Robin. And he looked flustered. And worried. And as always, in
a hurry. "Whoever thought the sight of the Boy Hostage would brighten my day?"
As Robin neared the Joker ducked back into his hideout, let him pass, and after a large
enough distance had formed between them, he quickly followed him as best he could. Ohhh,
this was going to be good.
"Harvey! Harvey!" the Riddler bellowed as he
flipped into the room. "We're under attack!"
Two-Face whirled around and grunted at Harley's bedside.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
The Riddler continued to pant. "Gordon - I just spotted
Gordon heading our way with that girl cop and that fat cop. We have to act fast!"
Ohh...Montoya's coming, huh? Interesting, Two-Face thought,
before quickly dismissing the notion. "You do that - go get Crane to help. I'm
staying here."
"Scarecrow's gone. And you haven't heard the strangest
part yet - Freeze is following them. You think they're in kahootz?"
Two-Face spat. Edward's vocabulary had sure taken a turn for
the worse since they had last met before this god-forsaken contest began. Where was the
intelligent, 'stay three steps ahead of your opponent' way of thinking he had heard so
much about? "I bet he can be bought. You're a smart guy, Nygma - go think of
something. I'm staying here until Quinn's awake."
"He'll be back - he's more insecure than you are. He
needs my validation or else he'll just fall apart inside."
The Riddler promptly left the room; he was a dutiful soul,
though rather compulsive and all-out annoying. Not very entertaining either, Two-Face
thought - he would kill for a good puzzle every now and again. It's a good way to keep on
your toes. Two-Face remained at Harley's bedside, staring at her battling her inner fears
as the antitoxin worked its course. "God, Harvey," Two-Face said to himself,
"don't tell me you're falling for this girl...first the plant-lady, then that Grace
chick, then that...cop...you just really like to torture yourself, don't you?"
"Shut up," Harvey said in reply to Two-Face's
taunting.
Batman arced back upwards across the quarter-of-a-mile-wide
Lazarus Pit towards the tower where he had last seen Batgirl and Nightwing; no sign of
Ra's Al Ghul anywhere. "Ahhhh," a demonic voice spoke with a slithery texture,
"the ever-faithful vigilante showed up right on schedule." Batman whirled around
and searched the darkness for the speaker; he cautiously stepped into the dark burnt room
at the edge of the leaning tower. "Perhaps an explanation is in order; I hope you'll
be more understanding than Cobblepot was." The occasional whine and whimper emnated
through the room. "As I told that waddling fool, why level a city filled with
inhabitants when I could save all that death and heartbreak and wait until most have
evacuated? The city was ripe for the plucking and was the perfect ground zero for my
returning of this land to Mother Nature once again. How many lives were lost? By my count,
zero. Very efficient, wouldn't you agree?" Batman turned a corner and, in the light,
saw Batgirl and Nightwing's bodies strapped to chairs, vines wrapped around them both;
they were conscious, writhing to get free.
"Yes, destruction of your city will be in the billions
but that is the price you must pay for abandonning the earth's needs for so long. And once
this city is completed, I'll move onto the next, and the next, until the world has been
made in my image - free of pollution, free of everything. It would be Eden once
more." Batman walked over to his captured comrades; vines shot out behind him and
quickly wrapped around his body. Ra's Al Ghul emerged from the shadows and caressed
Batman's cheek, almost daintily; Poison Ivy stood in the background, keeping watch.
"And so it ends, Detective." Drawing a sword he raised it over Batman's head,
grinning.
"You've changed, Ra's. You used to have honour and
dignity - now you've lost sight of your goals entirely. You're no different than the
freaks I throw into Arkham." Poison Ivy leared back at Batman from the shadows as he
spoke; he was certainly talkative all of a sudden.
Ra's pondered for a moment and let the sword come crashing
down through the vines, freeing his nemesis. "If it's a fair fight you want, then you
may have it." Ra's moved back; Batman lunged at him but missed; Ra's swung his sword
and sliced through Batman's cape, narrowly missing his back. Poison Ivy stepped forward to
offer assistance but Ra's ordered her to stay out of it. Batman quickly reached into his
belt and set a Batarang through the air; it hit Ra's right hand and he dropped the sword
for a moment with a scream of pain. Batman bodychequed him and sent him back into the
wall; Ra's slugged him in the face and dove for his sword and swung it repeatedly, backing
Batman up against the edge of the precipice. "Now it ends," Ra's said as he ran
forward, sword pointed straight out; Batman fell back and shot a wire back into the
building; Ra's tripped and accidentally severed the wire with his sword. Peering over the
edge of the ledge, he cackled in joy - Batman was gone! - at least, that was, until Ra's
stood up and felt the familiar dark silhouette brush up behind him and kick him off of the
building.
At this point, Poison Ivy ran forward and sent out a few
vines from the building to catch Ra's, but he made no effort to grab onto them; second
later he crashed down into the warm waters of the Lazarus Pit, soon to rise again. Batman
stared, brooding as usual; until Poison Ivy pushed past him and stared into the pit
alongside him. Her blood boiling, she turned around and snarled at Batman, "you
killed him."
The Penguin and Catwoman shook off the rubbble as they
attempted to pull themselves up off the street. Bones aching, bodies shaking, they stared
with glazed eyes in all directions, collecting their bearings. "You...saved
me..." the Penguin said, astonished, adjusting the monocle on his cheekbone.
"Don't let it go to your head," Catwoman retorted,
straightening out her mask. "Now just get out of my sight."
"I am a proper man and I owe you a debt of
gratitude," the Penguin continued, "anything you want is yours, I..."
Catwoman's eyes lit up and she bounced back; a dark
silhouette appeared on the roof two floors above them, staring down. "What?"
Penguin asked, stepping forward, into a loop-like shadow. "I mean it, I'm a man of my
word," he continued. Just as soon as I get my business back up on its feet,
I..."
A noose fell down from the sky and loosely lay about
Penguin's neck. He squawked in surprise - and shrieked in fear as it tightened around his
neck, lifting his rotund body clear off the ground; Catwoman ran a few feet away as she
saw the figure fall from the rooftop, using his own falling weight to pull the Penguin up
over the crux of a broken lampost. Struggling for a moment, the Penguin clawed at the
noose around his neck, but it was to no avail - the noose had won. Catwoman ran, and the
Scarecrow leered after her, proud of his catch of the day, cast against the pale yellow
moonlight.
Kicked Off:
THE PENGUIN (24.2%)
RA'S AL GHUL (18.1%)
Those whom you DID vote for, but they're still hanging
around:
BANE (13.6%)
DET. HARVEY BULLOCK (7.6%)
THE RIDDLER (7.6%)
HARLEY QUINN (6.1%)
THE SCARECROW (4.5%)
RENE MONTOYA (3.0%)
THE JOKER (3.0%)
MR. FREEZE (3.0%)
BATMAN (3.0%)
POISON IVY (1.5%)
TWO-FACE (1.5%)
NIGHTWING (1.5%)
BATGIRL (1.5%)
And now, here's our up-to-date list of our remaining
contenders:
BATMAN
ROBIN
BATGIRL
NIGHTWING
ALFRED
COMMISSIONER GORDON
DET. HARVEY BULLOCK
RENE MONTOYA
THE JOKER
CATWOMAN
THE RIDDLER
TWO-FACE
POISON IVY
THE SCARECROW
MR. FREEZE
BANE
HARLEY QUINN
Congratulations to our subscriber "Angel Knight"
for winning an unedited copy of RETURN OF THE JOKER! Now don't forget to vote, the rest of
you!
E-mail juno@dccnet.com with your votes of the TWO
you'd like to see cast off. Remember, we need TWO choices! (I stress that
again. TWO!)
PS - Voting for this issue closes at midnight (PST) on
February 2, 2001.
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