'RETURN
OF THE JOKER' GIVEAWAY
We have a contest, just in time for Christmas! We're trying to
get people both more involved with the newsletter AND want to help them out
at the same time. That said, we're offering anyone that participates in our
NO MAN'S ISLAND column a chance to win unedited copies of RETURN OF THE
JOKER.
The way it works is as follows: vote for the two characters
you'd like to vote off the island. Of the characters that are being cast off
or even nominated in that particular issue, we will randomly select one of
these characters for our contest. Anyone who voted for this character will
be entered into a draw, according to the e-mail address from which their ballot
was recieved. Every issue, we will randomly select one e-mail address (from
a hat, to make it fair) and that participant, if willing, wins a copy of the
unedited movie!
It is only possible to win once; you may vote for NO MAN'S
ISLAND as often as you like, but you will only be entered into our RETURN OF
THE JOKER giveaway if you are a subscriber and have not already won a copy
in a previous voting session.
If the selected winner for whatever reason declines, the will
be another draw for that same week. Each e-mail address can only win once!
The catch? The winner, if agreeing, must provide a tape and enough money to
cover postage ($5 American) of the tape to and from their place of residence. There will be no extra profit for us at BATMAN: THE ANIMATED
NEWSLETTER (as that would be illegal) or anything. We just want to get this
movie out to more people as it's not going to be definately released on tape
just yet.
NOTE: I am not promoting the act of bootlegging videos and
making a profit from it, I am merely looking for the cost of the tape and
postage, so fans will be able to view the movie as it was supposed to
be.
That said, let's get voting! (And make sure to read the
NO MAN'S ISLAND section below.
__________________________________________________________________
NO
MAN'S ISLAND
ROUND NINE
(the SURVIVOR rip-off...erm...homage)
(by Tim
"TWO-FACE" Leighton)
A number of rather important plots by the various cliques
surfaced last week...the Batsquad, the GCPD, Ra's Al Ghul, the Joker, and
the fate of the Supa-Freakz all pulled out the big guns...or were found at
the opposite end. Let's hope that we get some clear images coming out of NO
MAN'S ISLAND for this week...
...A WALTZ DOWN MEMORY LANE...
A WORD FROM THE CAST-AWAYS:
KILLER CROC: "Now come on,
what's not to like about me? I'm the big, dumb brute that everyone loves! I
can't believe that venom-powered freak still survived and I got the boot. I
swear, if I had a rock in my hands right
now....razzin'...frazzin'...grrrrr..."
THE VENTRILOQUIST/SCARFACE: "Dummy, I
don't gelieve 'dis! You impudent old fart, this is all YOUR fault! And for
the love of God, get your hand outa my gutt - I'm never gonna lose this wedgie
now!"
* * * * * * * * * *
AND WHAT'S HAPPENED SINCE:
"Y'see?" Oswald Cobblepot said, spinning an umbrella about in
his hands while chewing on his cigarette holder, "I told you I wasn't just
sitting on my butt waiting to pounce the whole time. Like a hawk I watched
over the GCPD, looking for weakness, and the admirable Mr. Hagen (under my
employ) infiltrated their stronghold and VOILA! That potential problem was
instantly solved. Who's the bird-brain now, huh?" You are, Oswald. Like,
come on - you are the most pompous buffoon on the island and we all know
it. And telling your entire plan aloud to whomever may be hearing?
VERY SMART. Bravo.
Bane had a meeting with the Penguin afterwards. "Bane, uh,
nice to be reacquainted with your fine, massive self."
"You called for me, Cobblepot?"
"Yes, I need you to eliminate the Bat for me. He'll
undoubtedly show up on my perch any time now, and quite frankly, he's
sniffing too close to my operations."
Bane grunted and crossed his arms. "I'm not your
gopher."
Penguin cleared his throat. "No, but you ARE in my employ, so
if you'd like to complete the terms set out in are agreement and recieve
your reward, you must follow my every whim." Bane wanted to kill the Penguin
right there. He really did. But he held back, knowing that Ra's, his true
'master' for the moment, had asked him to wait until the right time to strike.
Bane left the room without saying a word, still retaining some sense of
dignity. "Ha!" Penguin grinned, "I'll have this city pecking out of the palm
of my hand."
Clayface chuckled to himself from within the brick masonry at
the GCPD as Montoya returned to her post outside of Arnold Wesker's cell. It
took her a second to realize something was terribly awry. "Oh my God," she
gasped in spanish, tearing open the cell to inspect Wesker's lifeless frame
one the ground, covered with pale dry shades of mud. "Commissioner! Harvey! Anne!"
Commissioner Gordon and Harvey Bullock arrived at the jail
cell seconds later. "Rene?" And then they realized what had happened. Taking
his pulse at the neck, Gordon quickly confirmed that he was dead. "Where was
Anne? Wasn't she here when you left? Where is she now?"
"Right here," a hyperbolically dainty female voice said from
within. The three heads of the cops within the cell cocked upwards
instantaneously. A second later the brick wall across the wall from them
exploded, the force of which knocking the three of them onto their backs; bricks and cement splintered and flew in all directions, the cell door closed and
locked shut, and a tidal wave of stomach-wrenching clay cascaded around them
until there was complete silence.
"Haw-veyyyy, I'm borrrrrred..." Harley whined, sitting on the
plush couch in what was previously Rupert Thorne's office. "We've been here
for far too long and there's nothing. I wanna go back home. I'm hungry." She
sobbed. "And I miss my puddin'." The noxious odour of gasoline was
getting to her.
"We're nearly done, Quinn," Two-Face said, not even looking in
her correction while covering his nose. "Crane, you ready?"
"Yeah, I have everything we came for. I'm ready."
Two-Face turned back to Harley. "Alright, let's get outa
here." The three of them quickly evacuated Thorne's office tower and, just
as they hit the street, the Scarecrow threw a lighter back into the gasoline
soaked mess; within seconds the entire skyscraper was bursting in fantastic
flames.
"So now what," Harley whimpered in fatigue as Two-Face slung
his arm over her shoulder. The Scarecrow hovered at their side.
Two-Face scratched his temple with his handgun. "First we go
home and get some rest. Then we take down Cobblepot. After that, the only
threat to us will be the Bat and Gordon, and they're child's play."
The Scarecrow grinned; perhaps now, finally, he'd have more use in this group than just Two-Face's lackey.
About ten stories up, a lycra-clad female watched the
insidious trio amble back down the empty street in the direction of City
Hall. "Hmmmmm..." she purred, pondering for a moment, staring at her prey.
Seconds later after pulling out her bullwhip, she silently disappeared into the night.
* * * * * * * * * *
AND AFTER A NINTH ROUND OF VOTING...
"JOKER..." a booming voice growled, echo rebounding off of the
walls. "YOUR ANGEL OF DEATH AWAITS."
The Joker sighed as he sat in the bathtub of whatever
abandonned house he was currently calling home in Midtown. "For the love
of..." he opened his eyes, the soapy bath water draining down his bleached
face, "...just leave me be."
The Phantasm emerged from the hallway and hovered as it
entered the room. Puffs of smoke disappeared into thin air. Silence.
The Joker cocked an eyebrow. After a moment's pause: "Come on,
toots, say something. We've been through this whole charade before. Even
Batman says more than you."
The Phantasm lunged at the Joker and hit him across the jaw; a
spit of blood spewed. "Don't ever mention him to me." Another sock to the
jaw. "Got it?" The Joker groaned and between punches, and quickly shot
up and out of the tub; the Phantasm tripped his naked frame and he fall down
agains the toilet.
"Ack!" he belched out, accompanied with derrogatory
profanities. "I'm insulted. Batman always sends the second-rate farm-team
out to get me, never finding time in his busy schedule to do it himself."
"I told you NOT to mention him." The Phantasm bellowed,
stepping down hard on his slippery ankle. "I know what you did last Sunday."
That was yesterday.
The Joker coughed, "What, the Ventriloquist thing? Riddler
thing? Mad Hatter thing?" A light bulb clicked on. "I know! Harvey sent you,
didn't he?" He grabbed his oppenent's mask and threw it into the dirty tub
water. Andrea Beaumont scowled; she was only here to get comeuppance for the
Joker's ancient transgressions, no more. She covered her face with her forearm
and quickly shot out a puff of smoke, filling the room.
"No..." she continued, "this is between you and me." The Joker
scrambled to the sink and grabbed a hair dryer in a futile attempt to clear
the lung-burdening fog. Ducking, he kicked Andrea in the stomach; she
stumbled back, slipped on the floor and fell into the tub with a loud clunk,
her head hitting the metal rim. "Nnnnghh..."
The Joker scrambled to his feet, grinning. "Hmmmm, this is a
very rare opportunity. It's always adds a tinge of tragedy when the heroine
that dies is undeniably beautiful." Andrea groaned, head submerged
completely under the water, stunned; she listened to him cluck onward, grin, and then, daintily dropping the hair dryer into the tub. The world vibrated for
a moment, then hit static, then went completely blank.
The Joker grunted, the cool bathroom air chilling his wet,
naked body. "What, is everyone after ME now? I get no respect. No respect at
all."
Alfred Pennyworth was out and about town yesterday, running a
mission between the Batsquad headquarters and the GCPD; however, when he
approached the police headquarters, he noticed the absence of Jim Gordon -
and, as any proper gentleman would, was quite appalled when Clayface attacked him and verbally abused him, keeping him from entering.
Pennyworth made a bee line back to the Batcave and notified Batman
immediately. The Dark Knight took personal offense to this unwarranted
attack on his long time friend, and with all of his crew in tow, including Mr. Freeze, set out to rescue his plain-clothed allies.
Passing by Alfred's M*A*S*H* unit, Robin noticed something.
Nightwing quickly advanced past his body and found the body of the Huntress,
lying in a tangled mess on the shattered earth. Theyall took a step
back as they saw her motionless, scratched, and beaten body; holding back tears - which even for Batman was difficult - Nightwing inspected her body for any
clues to her death. "She was beaten pretty bad...scratched from head to
toe...looks like Catwoman had a really bad day." Given Catwoman and
Huntress' numerous run-ins in the past few rounds of NO MAN'S ISLAND, it
makes her even more likely a suspect.
"Alright," Batman groaned. Outlining his plan, he continued,
"Batgirl, take Huntress back to the cave where we can bury her properly. The
rest of us will go to free Gordon. Then we'll scour the city for Kyle and
get some answers." And so the disheartened Batsquad departed.
Two-Face cursed every profanity he could think of under his
breath as he walked amidst the shattered pieces of City Hall and the
surrounding buildings that were spread for blocks. "Crane! Quinn! Be ready
for anything." The three carefully crept through their savaged home turf,
looking for any tresspassers; their feline follower remained a number of storeys
above them, watching.
"<groan...>"
The Scarecrow heard it first. He ran over to the slowly
writhing body and found it to be none other than the beaten and bruised body
of the Riddler. "Edward," he said, smacking his face to wake him up - a
little too hard, "what happened?"
"Nnnnngh..." he groaned, pointing off into the distance, at a
cylindrical box in the City Hall foyer.
Two-Face and Harley went over to inspect the hat box; they
pulled off the top and found the body of the Mad Hatter stuffed within,
still inside. "Gawd," he grunted, staring down at the unconscious body; he
looked over to the side and saw the Scarface puppet sitting in the rubble -
(the same one the Joker planted there).
Quickly pulling his silver dollar out of his pocket, he
stated, "I knew it was a risk to include you two in our gang. And now your
own former leader tries to take us down - so all of this damage,
destruction, is your fault. Call it in the air, comrades." And he
flipped.
"H-h-heads..." Edward groaned before passing out.
And the coin landed. Tails. Two-Face stood for a moment and
then promptly walked over to the hat-box and buried two bullets inside
Tetch's cranium. Harley cowered in the corner, upset at the gruesome turn of
events; Scarecrow smiled wryly as Two-Face walked over to the Riddler's body.
"You got lucky." He paused. "You disappointed me, Edward. I'll
give you a second chance to pull your weight around here. Don't ever let
something like this happen again."
Harley Quinn took care of the funeral arrangements. The Mad
Hatter's body was set to sea within the hat box and arrived here on the
CIVILIZED side of Gotham River earlier this morning.
And so concludes another gruesome round of NO MAN'S
ISLAND.
* * * * * * * * * *
ROUND NINE
Kicked Off:
THE MAD HATTER (25.9%)
THE PHANTASM
(22.4%)
Those whom you DID vote for, but they're still hanging
around:
TALIA (17.2%)
CLAYFACE (12.1%)
RA'S AL GHUL (5.2%)
THE
PENGUIN (5.2%)
THE JOKER (3.4%)
RENE MONTOYA (3.4%)
BATMAN
(1.7%)
BANE (1.7%)
And now, here's our up-to-date list of our remaining
contenders.
BATMAN
ROBIN
BATGIRL
NIGHTWING
ALFRED
COMMISSIONER
GORDON
DET. HARVEY BULLOCK
RENE MONTOYA
THE JOKER
THE
PENGUIN
CATWOMAN
THE RIDDLER
TWO-FACE
POISON IVY
THE
SCARECROW
MR. FREEZE
BANE
HARLEY QUINN
CLAYFACE
RA'S AL
GHUL
TALIA
* * * * * *
Congratulations to our subscriber at Todd Betzag for winning
an unedited copy of RETURN OF THE JOKER! Now don't forget to vote, the rest
of
you!
E-mail
juno@dccnet.com with your votes of the TWO
you'd like to see cast off. Remember, we need TWO choices! (I stress that
again. TWO!)
PS - Voting for this issue closes at midnight (PST) on January
12,
2001.
___________________________________________________________________
BATMAN:
THE ANIMATED TRIVIA
(by Tim "TWO-FACE" Leighton)
This is one of my favourite sections, where I get to
boggle the minds of all our readers!
(Mwuhahaha!) This trivia is all
animated-related in some form, and can deal with ANY aspect of the show or
comics based on the show. Remember, answer the questions WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF
THE ANIMATED CONTINUITY. Now have fun - let's see how well you do! Answers
are provided below.
HAVE YOU BEEN READING YOUR ANIMATED BAT-BOOKS LATELY? PROVE
YOUR WORTH AND DO WELL ON THIS TEST! You have one hour.
466. Since August 2000, how many different writers have their
been contributing to the animated Bat-books?
A: Two
B: Three
C: Four
D: Five
E:
Six
467. Name one of the three cover-artists that drew the
Scarecrow on the cover of a comic.
Answer: ____________
468. Who does Bruce Wayne meet that gives him a look into
"what could have been" if his parents weren't shot when he was a
boy?
A: The Phantom Stranger
B: The Phantom Menace
C: The
Phantasm
D: Deadman
E: The Mad Hatter
469. What is Terminal's civilian identity?
A: Harvey Dent, II
B: Howard Groote
C: Carter
Wilson
D: Deidra Dennis
E: He's just some Jokerz member with no
name
470. Who once pretends to puke in order to display how smelly
Clayface is?
A: Harley Quinn
B: The Ventriloquist
C: The
Riddler
D: The Joker
E: Harvey Bullock
471. On what holiday does the Demon appear in future
Gotham?
A: New Year's
B: Valentine's Day
C: Easter
D:
Hallowe'en
E: Christmas
472. "When in Rome..."
A: Maxie Zeus makes his return to animated comicdom for the
first time in over five years
B: Nightwing can be seen playing more video
games on the Batcomputer
C: A man confronts Zeus about the irony in his love
for Rome, as his gimmick is rooted in Greek mythology
D: Thunderbolts are
strangely absent from Zeus' latest criminal endeavour
E: All of the
above
473. According to BGA#33, if Thomas and Martha Wayne weren't
shot, perhaps the following may have been true:
A: Catwoman would exist, but murder for jewels
B: Tim Drake
would work for the Joker
C: Harvey Dent would never get hit half of his face
torn off, and Two-Face (or his bad side) would never surface
D: Oswald
Cobblepot and Bruce Wayne would go to prviate school together in Paris
E:
Dick Grayson would rob Alfred in an alley one night
474. In which of the following recent BATMAN BEYOND comics
does Terry comment on how he often finds himself talking to
himself?
A: BATMAN BEYOND #12
B: BATMAN BEYOND #13
C: BATMAN
BEYOND #14
D: BATMAN BEYOND #15
E: BATMAN BEYOND #16
475. A character by the name of "Goggles" is confronted by
what member of the Bat-team?
A: Batman
B: Nightwing
C: Batgirl
D: Robin
E:
Alfred
_____________________________________________________________________
AND
THESE ARE OUR FINAL ANSWERS (to the trivia)
Answer to #466: E (Scott Peterson, Hilary J. Bader, Chuck
Dixon, Ty Templeton, Ed Brubaker, and Jason Hernandez-Rosenblatt
Answer
to #467: Terry Beatty, Bob Smith, Ronnie DelCarmen
Answer to #468:
A
Answer to #469: C
Answer to #470: D
Answer to #471: C
Answer to
#472: E
Answer to #473: B
Answer to #474: E
Answer to #475:
D
_____________________________________________________________________
