EDITORIAL
(by...uh...we'll
get back to you on that)
No! Really! We promise we'll have a new editorial for the next
issue!
(Doesn't anyone want to submit one!
Anyone?)
___________________________________________________________________
'RETURN
OF THE JOKER' GIVEAWAY
We have a contest, just in time for Christmas! We're trying to
get people both more involved with the newsletter AND want to help them out
at the same time. That said, we're offering anyone that participates in our
NO MAN'S ISLAND column a chance to win unedited copies of RETURN OF THE
JOKER.
The way it works is as follows: vote for the two characters
you'd like to vote off the island. Of the characters that are being cast off
or even nominated in that particular issue, we will randomly select one of
these characters for our contest. Anyone who voted for this character will
be entered into a draw, according to the e-mail address from which their ballot
was recieved. Every issue, we will randomly select one e-mail address (from
a hat, to make it fair) and that participant, if willing, wins a copy of the
unedited movie!
It is only possible to win once; you may vote for NO MAN'S
ISLAND as often as you like, but you will only be entered into our RETURN OF
THE JOKER giveaway if you are a subscriber and have not already won a copy
in a previous voting session.
If the selected winner for whatever reason declines, the will
be another draw for that same week. Each e-mail address can only win once!
The catch? The winner, if agreeing, must provide a tape and enough money to
cover postage ($5 American) of the tape to and from their place of residence. There will be no extra profit for us at BATMAN: THE ANIMATED
NEWSLETTER (as that would be illegal) or anything. We just want to get this
movie out to more people as it's not going to be definately released on tape
just yet.
NOTE: I am not promoting the act of bootlegging videos and
making a profit from it, I am merely looking for the cost of the tape and
postage, so fans will be able to view the movie as it was supposed to
be.
That said, let's get voting! (And make sure to read the
NO MAN'S ISLAND section
below.)
___________________________________________________________________
NO
MAN'S ISLAND
ROUND EIGHT
(the SURVIVOR rip-off...erm...homage)
(by Tim
"TWO-FACE" Leighton)
Wow. We've been getting feeds from Gotham non-stop since we
last met - they're coming from nearly every contestant that's remaining on
the island. You're in store for a lot this time. Hold on!
...A WALTZ DOWN MEMORY LANE...
A WORD FROM THE CAST-AWAYS:
ZATANNA: "I'm glad I'm gone. No
one ever truly appreciated me on this island. I'm taking this act to Vegas;
perhaps they'll let me in act the opening act for Wayne Newton."
THE
HUNTRESS: "Ugh...I can't believe I was voted off...this is because you've never
actually SEEN me in the animated continuity, have you? Argh...such
ignorance. B&RA#19, people! Don't you ever read? You're making this
Professor Bertinelli very, very upset."
* * * * * * * * * *
AND WHAT'S HAPPENED SINCE:
"HARRRRRRRRRVEY! Get out here! Come on come on come on!!!" RAT
TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT TAT
The Joker has single-handedly taken over the "lightweight"
group, led by Scarface, nearly killing Arnold Wesker in the process. He is
currently being held in a cell at the GCPD Headquarters under surveillance
by Commissioner Gordon and his crew; oddly, the Scarface puppet has gone
missing. The Joker has acquired all of Scarface's ammunition and has,
apparently, waged a one-man war against former ally Two-Face, apparently as
comeuppance for their brawls in the earlier rounds of the game.
"Come on, arent'cha gonna come out and face me man to man to
man????"
Two-Face was out of the building; only the recent additions to
the Supa-Freakz - the Riddler and the Mad Hatter - were at City Hall at the
time. Who knows if they'll be able to hold off the Insane Clown Posse or
not...
"So..." the Penguin said directly to us on the outside, "you
have the inkling that I haven't done anything of note yet in this game?
That's far from the truth. Don't you remember when I got SHOT right off the
bat? But I digress." And he chewed on his cigarette holder a wee bit more. "Come here. I have a secret. Don't be telling anyone this." Duh - of
course we're interested. Come on, tell us you waddling fool. "It's all going
to hit the fan in matter of minutes."
Oh really, Oswald? Is that so? I haven't seen Catwoman out and
about - and we all know she's connected to you somehow. Come on, at least
give that one to us.
In unrelated news, the Ventriloquist, Arnold Wesker, has been
reported to be behaving well in his cell. "He's been very well behaved, with
the exception of a few times when he's pined away for that puppet of his,"
Commissioner Gordon said. "Montoya's in charge of taking care of him, and
Anne's been more than helpful in calming him down. He seems to be really taken
by her - almost speechless." I asked if I could get Anne to comment on
the scenario, but she declined. "Oh, she's complaining about a frog in her
throat - she doesn't sound herself today, so I doubt she'll be doing any
interviews. You know women." And Montoya quickly jabbed him in the ribs. And Bullock just laughed.
"How are we coming along, father? I do not see any reason for
this procrastination. Why don't we just start the process now?"
"Talia, my dear daughter, we must be patient," Ra's Al Ghul
cooed in a slithery voice. "The Detective would catch on too quickly.
Besides, Isley hasn't completed her forumla yet." He looked across the cavernous
room at her. "Any success?"
"Nearly there, Ra's...this is amazing stuff we have here."
With the flick of her gloved fingers, Ivy sent a tiny spray of liquid towards a
table about ten feet away from her; as it hit the wood, it collapsed in two and
immediately deteriorated. "Whoa."
"Excellent," Ra's cackled gleefully.
"Looks ready enough to me, father."
"It does. It is. But we have one loose end to tie up
first, and that will take some more of our time." Talia sighed as her father
proved her wrong; she was anxious to get this ball rolling. A low rumble then
rolled through the chamber. "Ahhh, Bane, you've returned. Any
success?"
"I have managed to get the waddling buffoon to confide
everything in me. What is his will be ours within a mere matter of
days."
Killer Croc has been spotted moping about in the northern
regions of Gotham island. Apparently upset that his co-hort Man-Bat has been
killed (actually, more correctly, eaten), Croc claims that he no longer has
a reason to live. He's not suicidal it would seem, but he does not care what
happens to him from herein; he ran into Alfred at the MASH unit and was actually
somewhat calm. Pennyworth told repeated these words of Croc to ours. "Look,
I know you're connected to the Bat somehow. I'm not as stupid as I
pretend to be. Level with me on this - am I right? I need to talk to
him."
Of course, Pennyworth didn't outright deny Croc's allegations,
but he was not going to share any secrets with him. Croc eventually gave up
and left; Pennyworth promptly left and headed back up to where the
Batsquad's secret headquarters is. Croc, who was hidden about two blocks away, stealthly followed him.
As soon as he was out of sight, a body was depositted on one
of the cots there. The one that brought the body was unavailable for
comment, though we do have a pretty good idea who that was.
* * * * * * * * * *
AND AFTER AN EIGHTH ROUND OF VOTING...
Jervis Tetch, the Mad Hatter, crept up behind the gun-toting
Joker, slipping a mind-control chip out of his sleave. "I'M GETTIN' BORED,
MAN!!!!" the Joker hollered between blasts. "OLLY OLLY OX 'N FREE!!!" The
Mad Hatter jumped at the Joker, grabbed him by the shoulders, and tried to
balance one of his chips between his ear and his head. The Joker screamed in
surprise and threw the tiny man to the ground. "Ohhhh, it's nervous Jervis.
How nice for you to drop in."
Tetch tried to run for it, but Mistah J grabbed him by the
lapels and threw him down on the ground, resting his foot upon his chest.
"I'm insulted. I'm dismissed from this group - my own girl casts me away -
and I'm replaced by the likes of YOU? How do you think MY ego
feels?"
A shade of green shifted in the corner of his eye. "Oh, come
on, say it isn't so." The Joker got up off the ground, the Mad Hatter still
under his foot. "It just gets worse and worse," he said in mock humility,
shaking his head. "Edward, that isn't you over there, is it?" The Riddler
knew that he'd been spotted. As the crazy clown had dropped his guns on the
ground, the Riddler felt it was relatively safe to creep out of his hiding
place within the shattered foyer of City Hall.
"What do you want, Napier?"
"Shhhh! That's a secret, no one's supposed to know that!" the
Joker said, almost as a mockery of himself. "So kids," he said, looking at
his prey, "where's Harvey? He and I have a date and I would JUST DIE if he
cancelled again."
"He's not here right now," the Riddler said matter-of-factly,
clutching his question-mark cane like a bat. "Remove yourself immediately or
else..."
"Or else what?"
The Riddler swung his cane and hit the Joker across the back;
he doubled over in pain and fell on the ground. The Mad Hatter jumped up to
his feet and cautiously went in for the kill, mind control at the ready. The
Joker suddenly arose and kicked the miniscule little man in the gut, tossing
him across the street. "Too easy. Now Eddie, I need you to deliver a message to
your boss..." He pulled a handgun out of his jacket and shot him in the gut;
the Riddler collapsed, and the Joker grabbed his cane and beat him
unconscious. Pulling out a stick of lipstick, he leaned in over his victim.
"Smylex is soooo much easier to use. I've taken that stuff for granted all
this time," he said to himself. "But I need you alive for the time being, son -
so make daddy proud. We two all come from the same genepool anyway, don't
we?" He pushed Edward's lips together to make them pucker, and slathered
them with the lipstick.
"And you, Jervis..." the Joker said, retrieving a hat-box he
had left around the corner. He pulled out the Scarface doll he had stolen
from Wesker and threw it into City Hall, as if to create a diversion.
"Welcome to your new home." He stuffed the petite rodentesque body of the Mad Hatter into the hat box and smiled to inwardly. "Couldn't have planned
it better myself."
As the Joker left the scene to whatever abandoned candy
factory, toy store, aquarium or comedy club he was currently using as a
hideout, clouds of smoke quickly engulfed him; an uneasy silence
followed.
Killer Croc followed Alfred back to...Arkham Asylum?
Intrigued, the wily crocodile followed the gentleman's gentleman into the
cavernous facility; after an hour of stumbling about in the underground labrynth, he discovered, lo and behold - a cave. A cave filled with chasms and craggily rocks and...computers? Curiousity getting the better of him,
Croc ambled over to the computer and started typing away at it; the words
"Access Denied" flashed on the screen. "Damn screen saver."
Batman crashed down on his head, the force of his bodycheck
forcing the giant foe into the side wall of the cave. "BATMAN!" Batman
jumped at him again before he could attack, going straight for the face.
"No..." Croc said, taking all of Batman's blows, not fighting back. "No. NO!" He kicked Batman out of the way and growled. "I NEED TO TALK TO
YOU."
"GET," Batman growled, spitting as he did. "OUT."
Croc reverted back to barbarian mode and attacked Batman with
all his might, punching, kicking, slamming, throwing, spinning, and whatnot;
Batman managed to kick him away, and Croc fell over the edge of one of the
many chasms. The Bat quickly ran over to the edge of the precipice and looked down at Croc, hanging onto an outcropping with one hand. "Give me
your hand."
"Like hell. I don't need you. I just wanted to
talk."
"So talk."
"Well...ahhh..." he groaned as his grip on the rock slipped,
"I picked something up on the
street the other day...about your little bird
boy there...hoped to cut you a deal, but..." His
voice was quickly cut
off.
"Croc. Tell me," Batman said, leaning even further over the
chasm wall for Croc's massive hand. Then, without warning, a large rock
casaded down from above, hit Croc's hand, breaking it instantly, not to
mention the outcropping to which he was holding, and sent the massive body to the depths below with a low howl. Batman quickly whipped around and looked
up behind him; Mr. Freeze stood at a higher level of the cave, arms
outstretched.
"We had to rid ourselves of him. He would have only caused
problems."
Batman scowled at the emotionless Freeze as he walked off to
the chamber where his wife was kept; he began to regret bringing him into
the Batsquad.
Anne suavely looked down at her watch, humming to herself.
Walking up to Rene Montoya, she said, "Hey R'nee, it's lunch time. I'll
watch Wesker here while you and the Commish take a break." Rene knows this
is against policy, but decided to let it slide, as Anne had proved herself
to be a respectable, though slightly odourous, character; when she left for
lunch, Anne peered through the bars and pestered the sleeping body of Arnold
Wesker.
"Hey...yo, dummy. Wake up!" she said, trying to imitate
Scarface's voice. Wesker jolted in his sleep, then slowly turned about,
putting on his foggy glasses with a yawn. "Com'ere, I've got something to
show ya," she said in a seductive voice while licking her pouty
lips.
Wesker sat still at the side of his cot, shuddering as he
warmed up to the temperature of the room. "What's that?" he
stuttered.
"It's a surprise. Come on, I'm not gonna bite ya, get over
here."
Wesker shifted his glance left and right; no cops were in
sight. He sighed and shuffled forward, approaching the bars. "OK, what is
it?"
Anne grinned and - to Wesker's disgust - seeped through the
bars. As she spoke, her voice quickly deepened and her pale trim physique
exploded into a hulking, mucky mess. "This is it. Surprise." Clayface's
likeness emerged out of Anne's body and, before Wesker could scream for help, encases his tiny frail body within his. "Mmmmm...I couldn't keep up
that charade for much longer."
BURP.
Clayface stood within the Ventriloquist's cell and grinned; he
seeped into the cracks of masonry in the wall and slithered through the
walls of the Gotham City Police Department to the luncheon room down the
hall; he couldn't wait for another meal.
"Yeeeeesssssss," the Penguin said within his penthouse office
at the Iceburg Lounge, his hands folded while clucking his tongue. "It's all
falling into place."
* * * * * * * * * *
ROUND EIGHT
Kicked Off:
KILLER CROC (21.1%)
THE
VENTRILOQUIST/SCARFACE (19.7%)
Those whom you DID vote for, but they're still hanging
around:
THE PHANTASM (17.1%)
THE MAD HATTER (10.5%)
TALIA
(6.6%)
RENE MONTOYA (3.9%)
THE PENGUIN (3.9%)
CLAYFACE (3.9%)
BATMAN
(2.6%)
HARVEY BULLOCK (2.6%)
BANE (1.3%)
NIGHTWING (1.3%)
HARLEY
QUINN (1.3%)
THE JOKER (1.3%)
RA'S AL GHUL (1.3%)
BATGIRL
(1.3%)
And now, here's our up-to-date list of
contenders.
BATMAN
ROBIN
BATGIRL
NIGHTWING
ALFRED
COMMISSIONER
GORDON
DET. HARVEY BULLOCK
RENE MONTOYA
THE JOKER
THE
PENGUIN
CATWOMAN
THE RIDDLER
TWO-FACE
POISON IVY
THE
SCARECROW
MR. FREEZE
THE MAD HATTER
BANE
HARLEY
QUINN
CLAYFACE
RA'S AL GHUL
TALIA
THE PHANTASM
* * * * * *
Congratulations to our subscriber at karl.nyce@sanchez.com for winning a copy
of RETURN OF THE JOKER! Now don't forget to vote, the rest of
you!
E-mail
juno@dccnet.com with your votes of the TWO
you'd like to see cast off. Remember, we need TWO choices! (I stress that
again. TWO!)
PS - Voting for this issue closes at midnight (PST) on
December 24,
2000.
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BATMAN:
THE ANIMATED TRIVIA
(by Tim "TWO-FACE" Leighton)
This is one of my favourite sections, where I get to
boggle the minds of all our readers!
(Mwuhahaha!) This trivia is all
animated-related in some form, and can deal with ANY aspect of the show or
comics based on the show. Remember, answer the questions WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF
THE ANIMATED CONTINUITY. Now have fun - let's see how well you do! Answers
are provided below.
456. In order of debut date, what was the first episode to
feature a character's full name in the title?
A: THE CAT AND THE CLAW (Pt. 1)
B: THE MAN WHO KILELD
BATMAN
C: JOKER'S FAVOR
D: TWO-FACE (Pt. 1)
E: ZATANNA
457. In order of debut date, the first BATMAN BEYOND
character's name to be featured in an episode title was:
A: Inque
B: Blight
C: Batman
D: The Stalker
E:
Ace
458. Which of the following characters has NOT appeared in a
Batman/Superman crossover in the animated continuity?
A: Lex Luthor
B: Nightwing
C: The Penguin
D: Maxie
Zeus
E: Ubu
459. What was the title of the story that can be found in the
pages of "BATGIRL ADVENTURES #1"?
A: "Breaking Out on her Own"
B: "Shadow of the Bat"
C:
"Girl Power!"
D: "Oy to the World"
E: "Green with Envy"
460. In what BTAS episode do we first see any sign of the
existance of Arkham Asylum?
A: TRIAL
B: HEART OF ICE
C: FEAR OF VICTORY
D:
RIDDLER'S REFORM
E: MAD AS A HATTER
461. Presently, where does the Penguin call home?
A: Arkham Asylum
B: Blackgate Prison
C: Waddlesworth
Mews Retirement Facility
D: Mr. Freeze's latest hideout, on loan of
course
E: The Iceburg Lounge
462. Which of the following BATMAN BEYOND villains have NOT
appeared in the mainstream Batman comics continuity in some format in the
past 61 years?
A: The Stalker
B: Blight
C: Spellbinder
D: The Royal
Flush Gang
E: Inque (calling her a Clayface knock-off doesn't
count!)
463. In which BTAS episode can Goofy's (the Disney character,
y'know?) famous "YAH-HOO-HWEE" scream be heard?
A: THE LAUGHING FISH
B: HARLEY'S HOLIDAY
C: THE STRANGE
SECRET OF BRUCE WAYNE
D: SECOND CHANCE
E: WORLD'S FINEST (Pt.
3)
464. Which of the following characters that debuted during
BTAS' second season (the "Adventures of Batman & Robin" phase in
1994/95) have NOT appeared more than once since?
A: Boxy Bennett
B: Charles Baxter
C: Grant Walker
D:
Any members of Baby-Doll's on-screen family
E: Vinny "the Shark"
F:
Lock-Up
465. Who is Nora Crest?
A: One of Summer Gleason's scoopers
B: A student at
Hamilton Hill High School
C: Nora Fries, after she was healed and
remarried
D: Two-Face's plastic surgeon
E: A character Paige Monroe played
on
screen
_____________________________________________________________________
AND
THESE ARE OUR FINAL ANSWERS (to the trivia)
Answer to #456: C
Answer to #457: A
Answer to #458:
B
Answer to #459: D
Answer to #460: B
Answer to #461: E
Answer to
#462: A, E
Answer to #463: C
Answer to #464: E
Answer to #465:
D
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