===

 

[I'm not adding the exclamation points below for emphasis - it's actually where the narrator himself emphasized.]

 

As Power Grid BatmanTM, Terry is able to see and move in cyberspace, as if he were really there! Plus, because Terry is really still in the BatcaveTM, and only Power Grid BatmanTM is in cyberspace, he can get advice from Bruce WayneTM!

 

===

 

[Here come the toys...]

 

Power Grid BatmanTM puts on his Universal Drive CapeTM...

 

Bruce WayneTM uploads The Electronic Smart BatTM...

 

...uploads the Mega-Batmobile NetrunnerTM - the ultimate cyberspace transportation.

 

...uploads the Codebuster Batman GearTM.

 

===

 

[This is classic cheese - like a bad episode of "Super Friends".]

 

If the J-ManTM and Virtual JokerTM get into the power company computer, they can shut of any of the electricity in Gotham City they want to!

 

Using his Universal Drive CapeTM, Power Grid BatmanTM races to Police Headquarters, charging through computer circuits as if they were the streets of Gotham.

 

[That's one of the worst metaphors I've ever read.]

 

===

 

[And finally, the most laughable line in the entire story.]

 

Virtual JokerTM seems unstoppable... until suddenly, J-ManTM is back online! Oh, no - he found a new modem!

 

===

 

I'm sure you're all burning to hear how the story ends, so I'll go ahead and spoil it for you.

 

In a completely unexpected and unexplained plot twist, J-ManTM suddenly decides he wants revenge against Virtual JokerTM "because he wanted to rule the city", but then quickly scampers away when he sees "Bruce and Batman are too much for him to handle". Batman then dispenses Virtual JokerTM with some virtual laser blasts or something and Bruce finishes him off (and I am not making this up) by hitting the DELETE key.

 

Seriously.

 

In the aftermath, Terry muses that there might have been a small fragment left of Virtual JokerTM as there was the first time he had been defeated, leaving room for the kiddies to act out a sequel to this riveting "cliff-hanger" of a tale, or to avoid having the kids think they wouldn't have to bother buying Virtual JokerTM since the character had already been destroyed.

 

And there you have it - a 5-minute (or so) commercial for kids to nag their parents to buy them more worthless pieces of plastic.

 

I'll admit that if I were a kid again, I'd think these toys were pretty cool - they're all techie-looking and futuristic, and transparent too... kinda like rock candy (though they don't taste anything like it), and my Energy Surge BatmanTM figure is the first I've seen of Hasbro's line that's articulated at the waist, rotating an entire 360 degrees, something none of us can do, certainly.

 

But then I see the bowlegs, the crooked Bat logo on the chest (every package on the peg was the same way), the lack of similarity to the look of the animated series and the collector in me recognizes this figure as the worthless P.O.S. it truly is. The gimmick of the transparent plastic is if you purchase the Virtual Bat (with plug-in and light-up interface)TM, your figures glow like your cheeks do when you put a flashlight in your mouth. I suppose that's cool if you like to play in the dark (or enjoy putting flashlights in your mouth).

 

I have to say, though, that these figures have an awful lot of pointy places on them. Throw one at someone hard enough, and it really could make them bleed.

 

But my advice to fans and collectors - don't waste your money. Buy the Batman Beyond soundtrack from Kids Rhino and download much better screen savers/wallpaper from high-quality fan sites.
And if you really want to buy a figure, get Hasbro's Riddler or Mr. Freeze figures in the style of "The New Batman Adventures" - they're outstanding. But if you want to buy a CD that's gimmicky at best, wait until the Batlink figures have been discounted.

 

Like the average crappy Geocities homepage, Batlink will be a "dead link" in no time at all.

 

Virtual GookieTM
--now with deluxe water-squirting action.