Perfect Dark pt 10a: Regrets

[The_NewCatwoman]

Batman stared at the photos, a prostitute.

Cut.

Slashed.

Basic stuff.

It was the other stuff that bothered him, her blood had been drained, not a single bit of blood spilled when the coroner had examined her body.

She was empty.

He ignored the chills the thought brought to mind, but that just brought another emotion.

Here he was standing in Commishner Gordon's office, examining murder scene and autopsy photo's, and Selina was at home comotose upstairs.

She wasn't really in a coma, but she had been sleeping excessively.

He knew it was unfair that he was out here while she was at home fufilling his wishes by putting Catwoman to sleep once and for all.

He felt like he was stabbing her in the back.

It had been somewhat different with A.J., that had been his calling so to speak. He was a true natural.

Batman still remembered the day he'd found A.J. doing somersaults around the living room. A.J. had been four.

It was unbelieveable, inconceivable that a boy his age could really manage a handstand alone.


**Gotta go take my ID picture

[Panther]

Hmmm.. chilling. Definitly feeling more sympathy for Selina and Bruce right now. But AJ still doesn't seem... .... ... oh I'll just come right out and say it - he doesn't seem /human/. he's all batman and no Bruce, if that makes sense.

Oh, and BTW, I'm definitly turning miss Olivia's story into a triolgy and have an eye on Halloween as the"relaese date" so to speack (hopefully) but after that I'm writing a fic on Posion Ivy, so if you or anyone else knows anything about her i'd love to hear it (even though i might just ignore it all! hahaha!)

later

[The_NewCatwoman]

I'll definently have to check that out.
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I can't spell that word worth crap

[The_NewCatwoman]

"Anything wrong, friend?" said the thought shattering voice of Jim Gordon.

Batman stared blankly for a moment, remembering where he was, "Yes."

"It's pretty late, almost 4:00 actually, maybe you should just,.."

Batman nodded, turning away.

Outside, he took a moment to collect himself, tommorow would be Selina's first day of treatment, and they had a long way to go before their nine month's were up and they ushered another child into the world.

He rubbed his tired, burning eyes, not having had a full-night's sleep in eons.

He heard a sound behind him, immeadiately expecting it to be Angel, but instead found The Huntress.

Better yet, Helena.

"Batman." she said quietly, greeting him.

"Huntress." he obliged, for a moment looking unsure of where to go from there.

For a moment his mind flashed back to a time before, her body had captivated him for only a second.

It pulled at him now, but he resisted, the bonds on conciousness pulling angrily at his wrists and ankles.

He breathed hard, turning his eyes towards the floor, futile attempts to save his mind from adultry.

"Why are you here?" he asked, his voice's normal menace weakened considerably.

"Dick, he wanted to find out if the killing spree was happening here too,... I've seen the headlines, so I guess it's a go."

Batman didn't respond, he knew why Dick hadn't come himself. He'd been bound to a wheelchair six years ago. One bad night out, over-ruling a thousand good one's.

"How are the boys'?" he asked awkwardly.

"They're fine, started pre-school last week actually."

Batman shook his head, "I have to go so,..."

"I won't be here long, just to check some thing's out, okay?" Huntress said quickly.

Batman mumbled his reply and shot a line out to the next building, afraid of what might happen if he stayed any longer.

**

You're probaly wondering why A.J. and I have such a lousy relationship.

It hadn't always been that way, in fact we once were quite close, I marveled over him, gave him all the attention he needed.

He lapped it up, sort of, he was always kind of detatched from certain feelings.

He didn't cry when he got hurt, he didn't laugh that much either, it was occasional, maybe once a day.

Now, I wish I could say that.

He's been gone a long time, and it's because of me.

A.J. and I didn't have a traditional falling out either, the way it had been with Dick.

Dickie.

Richard "Dick" Gayson.

My oldest, my prodigy, he's where A.J. to me has never been.

Real.

Accepting anger, yes, but happiness as well.

A.J. just seems angry, or bored, or both.

Like he should be out there doing better and greater things.

Dick never put himself that I high, he never cheated, jumped spaces on the board when you weren't looking.

I on the other hand am a different story.

I cheated.

I cheated Dick in a game of emotions.

He remains clueless, never suspecting me, or Helena.

She doesn't deserve him, and he doesn't deserve this, I don't deserve anything.

I deserve solitude.

It should be just me and my long-lost emotions locked in a room for all eternity.

I have been forgiven, in coffession to the preist of my sins and everything, but I haven't forgiven myself yet.

It's unforgivable in my book.

It had been early, I'd been in one of the particularly nasty knock-down, drag-out's with Selina. We'd ripped each other apart like wolves, and then retreated to be alone and lick our wounds.

I'd gone to a bar, in disuise of course, no need to bring the tabloids into my patheticness, let alone my mind.

I'd never been to a bar in my life, not for any of the usual reasons anyway. But I'd been in enough to know what a decent vodka tonic tasted like, particularly when it's thrown in your face as a last ditch effort to make an escape.

Anyway, that's what I ordered, several times actually. Now I suppose when other people get drunk, they do the usual lamp-shade on the head, I wanna dance and make every body laugh type of thing.

But I'd left those emotions behind long ago, I guess even sub-conciously they were irretrieveable.

The one thing that's good about me is I can fool the world, make them believe whatever I want them to given the chance, needless to say the bartender was quite surprised when I paid him, and excused myself quite easily. Another is I can keep my cool, I'm fully responsive even with unconciousness biting my head off.

That's what makes it worse, maybe if I'd been really truly drunk, and didn't remember anything, I couldn't really account for my actions, but that will never happen.

Well, after I left the bar I decided to go for a walk, it's only 11:00pm now, which is basically opening time for most clubs and restaurant's in the "Backwards city" so no one was really surprised to see me wandering around like some kind of tourist.

But she was, she knew me well enough, having worked with me on a few cases.

**I have to go now, this isn't my computer.

[The_NewCatwoman]

She saw me and wondered what the hell was wrong with me, I told her.

She looked at me like I'd grown an extra eye or something, then offered to take me home.

I was too blown to give a damn, so of course I said 'yes.'

She said she had to stop at her apartment first so she could change, she was on her way to meet Dick for a late-night date.

When we got to her apartment she offered me a seat and proceeded to go in her bedroom and change into her dress, or whatever.

She left the door open.

Her shadow spilled out over the hallway, I stared mesmerised.

It was sick, I could feel The Beast whispering in my ear, telling me to take her.

I wanted her, not in the way I wanted Selina.

I wanted her all to myself for a moment, not to have to share with anyone else.

Raising from my chair I walked over and pushed the door all the way.

She had her bare back to me.

It was too much.

She turned around and stared at me, but she didn't say anything.

Then The Beast claimed me, and I lost my mind.

It went fast, me pushing her into the wall, I was violent, it was as if nothing had ever been said to me in the light of gentleness.

She resisted, but there wasn't any heart in it, I hoisted her up, and she wrapped her legs around me.

Then the storm started, those horrible kinds where the lighting reaches down to grab you, and the thunder shakes you to the core.

I was drowning, but her gasp woke me from a quick death.

I hadn't noticed the skylight.

She said she wasn't sure, but she thought she saw A.J.

There's no doubt in my mind it was him.

Not the way he looks at me now, nothing but hate shines out of his eyes. But he hasn't told, Dick nor Selina know.

And incase your wondering, no the boys aren't mine, Helena and Dick moved to Bludhaven five years ago, shortly after the incident, the boys are only three.

And yes, I suffer everyday for what I did. I only wish I could say sorry.