Belch's Brief Reviews--May 5 2001

[DR. BELCH]

XMEN: "The Cauldron, part 1"
The episode opens in the garden of the Xavier Institute, where Jean Grey meets up with Toad Tolansky just after Scott drops her off in his car. After a brief skirmish--in which the little amphibious mutie demonstrates supreme ignorance by trying to beat a telepath with a stick--she chucks him into the well (hope that isn't where the prof's place gets its drinking water, little lady). She is then kidnapped by a spherical spaceship. Now that right there is where things broke down for me...no one at the school bothers to ask where Jean is or bothers to search for her once--not even lover-boy Cyke.
Instead the prof is using Cerebro to hunt up Scott's long-lost brother, who supposedly perished in a plane crash (here would be a great opportunity for a flashback sequecne and a little Cyclops backstory, but the writers dropped the ball again. Scott's brother was adopted and lives in Hawaii...and is demonstrating mutant ability. If that isn't bad enough, a dark man comes and offers him a chance to find peace for his aching bones and troubled spirit. You guessed it--Magneto.
Though the whole touching reunion thing was fairly pleasant, this episode was too shallow in dealing with the real hero of the X-Men, Magneto. His past--i.e. losing his wife Magda after opening up to her and rescuing her from drowning, or the horrors he saw as a young medical officer in the war--isn't touched upon (maybe they'll talk of it in part two. but I'm not holding my breath, bub). He's seen only as a monster content to play the mutants of the world against each other like a game of chess, kill the losers, and collect the winners for his mutant Utopia, Asteroid M.
Originally Asteroid M was intended as Eric Magnus' philanthropic gesture towards all mutant victims of human prejudice, not this eugenic, segregationist monstrosity we see here. Unfortunately Magnus' paradise was corrupted by his underlings and turned into a mutant hell, but it wasn't Magneto who played Beelzebub.
To make matters worse, Scott is swayed to the dark side a little too easily, siding with Lil' Maggie against his former mentor, and Xavier's students are being collected and stored like butterflies in bell jars. So far I'm very disappointed in what I see.
DYN that Rogue hates cats (and oddly enough, the cat turns out to be her evil mother-figure, Mystique)?
Kurt is driving? He doesn't look old enough to shave (though technically he's been furry since birth). Come to think of it, no one noticed the junior mutants skip out on a road trip any more than they did Jean's alien abduction. I thought with his talents the prof could hear a flea pass gas halfway across the world, yet he can't keep track of his kids? Some father figure he is.
Watch for the bit where Kitty tires (or maybe grosses) herself out sliding through Blob and collapses in a faint.

POK JJ: "The Totodile Duel"
As the story opens Ash and company are fishing on a riverbank...and Ash and Misty, both bored and frustrated at how long it takes to get from gym to gym, are a bit more snippy than usual to each other. DYN that Brock appears to be using a meatball as bait?
When a Totodile pops up on a rock in the middle of the water and does a little dance like Snoopy begging for his supper, the lovebirds forget their spat and try to catch it. Misty employs a custom-made lure shaped like herself (every good Pokefan will want one; it's so cute). but the little croc spits it out like bad meat. Ash pulls his Pokeball and nabs Totodile, but it puts up a fight, pops out, and runs into the woods.
After Totodile briefly annoys Team Rocket during lunch, Misty and Ash catch up with it again and pull out the lure balls they got from Marlon Brando--I mean, Kurt--and both pitch them simultaneously. The capture happens behind a bush--but which one made the nab? (It wouldn't happen like that if you thought ahead and wrote your name on your Pokeballs, kids.) The two resume their quarrel. Now, if Ash was a gentleman, he'd let the little lady have first crack at the goods, but...
Hence the battle. Misty calls Togepi and Ash calls Pikachu. At first I though the girl tied her ponytail too tight that morning, calling out a little shrimp like that, but actually it was a pretty brilliant gambit. When Ash gives the command, Pikachu shoots him a look that says, "Me? Shock a baby? You are one sick [expletive deleted], bub!" So he refuses. Then it's Misty's Starmie vs. Ash's Chikorita, which is settled quickly when Chikorita body-slams Starmie. Finally it's Polliwhirl vs. Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur seems almost ready to lose because he takes too long to power up for an attack, but then comes back to knock Polliwhirl on its tail. It then evolves into Polliwrath; however, that doesn't help Misty. Ash wins the croc.
Team Rocket show up dressed as a Southern ladies' league (!) , but Wobbafett gives them away very quickly. Ash cals out his new Totodile--which immediately goes for Jessy's hair! Like the one in New Bark Town, this one loves ladies' tresses, and proceeds to give the poor girl horrible split ends! After biting off Jessy's spit curl, the Totodile does its little dance. A brief tussle ensues, and Team Rocket blasts off again.
Misty decides to let Ash have his Totodile because now she has a new Polliwrath, and she bows to his supreme mastery of Totodile. Actually I think it's more of a defense mechanism to protect her bruised ego--sort of a sour-grapes mindset...or maybe it's just love. The high point for me was seeing that Totodile go right for Jessy's hair. You'd think after all the trouble it gives her she'd break down and cut it short as in "Tracey Gets Bugged" (IMO, she had nothing to fuss about; she looked great with a sporty cropped 'do.)

ZETA: "Taffy Time"
The episode opens with a dogfight over a swamp between Z and Ro and two of Bennett's goons. When the tin man and the brat are shot down and crash, they run for cover and soon stumble upon...an abandoned candy factory. Were the writers watching "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" when they wrote this?
The proprietor, or random maniac nutjob who has taken residence in the place, leads them inside. No name is given, and he's no Gene Wilder. He looks more like a cross between Mad Stan and the Terminator. Not even an explanation as to why he has a robotic arm and a mechanical eye. Well, it could be a "Fugitive" joke--Z is Richard Kimball, Bennett is Lt. Gerard...and this must be the one-armed man.
Note that Ro makes a reference to Hansel and Gretel. She's familiar with 11th- or 12th-century children's fairy tales, yet doesn't know what a diaper pin or a radial tire is? Anyone else find that odd?
It seems "Taffy", as I'll call our one-armed friend, is also gunning for Z, though he's no friend of Bennett's--he wants to sell the rustbucket for scrap on the black market. While her Jimmy Olsen- like partner with the Snapper Carr brain waits in the squad car. Agent Lee sneaks in and promptly gets captured by Taffy.
Z rescues Lee and mops up Taffy, and she shows her gratitude by leaving him plenty of time to escape (under the pretense of them making a break for it while she saves her idiot partner). For the umpteenth time Z shows he's nothing but a metal-plated philanthropist, and still Bennett and his goons don't seem to show signs of wanting to let up. Lee likely won't even bother to note Z saved her a** in her field report.
Lee looks strangley erotic all tied up on the rack with a large lollipop wedged in her mouth sideways.
Watch for the bit with the robotic koala bears mimicking Wonka's Oompha-Loomphas. Creepy. I'd have shot more that just one of them.

MIB: "The Virtual Crossfire Syndrome"
When Agent J scores only a 67 in a virtual-reality training exercise, he is relentlessly taunted by everyone from fellow agents to the coffee worms to Frank the Pug (and when a guy who licks his cojones in public makes fun of you, you've hit the bottom). This, plus being made to look like a horse's a** in the field, is damaging to his ego, so he decides to lose his bad rep by going back into VR and making 100 just like K. Unfortunately due to pressure by the Alien Rights Commission (headed by the slick-talking alien lawyer from "Musical Chairs Syndrome", who reminds me of Kramer's shyster attourney on Seinfeld), who claims all the images in the exercise are demeaning to aliens, the game has to be revamped, and J goes in before Zeeltor works out all the kinks.
J is trapped in the virtual world, and the danger is real. Still, he performs admirably, not knowing he could die any second. Zeeltor (who this season seems to play more of a thorn in J's side than anything else) zaps himself in to help J out, since he knows the terrain. J watches Zeeltor "die" (don't worry, folks, it was just an image; the real Zeeltor is safely at his computer console) and is inspired to fight harder than ever and beat all three levels...for a grand score of 88.
Was anyone else thinking of the episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air in which Will scores one point higher than Carlton on an exam and taunts him relentlessly over it?
Zeeltor mentions that if J had died, another agent would be reassigned his letter. This may partially answer my question about what MIB does when they run out of letters. If they only have 26 agents on staff at a time and reuse letters (exept for designation "Alpha", which I'm sure was retired) worn by ex-/ dead agents, there wouldn't be a problem.

[Sharklady]

One small correction: at the close of the MIB ep, J's "grand score" is 84. Which is why the Worms manage to taunt him about it by refering to a certain George Orwell novel.

(And isn't that getting just a little bit mean? What kind of score do those nightcrawlers think *they* would've managed?)

[DR. BELCH]

As a writer, I find the spell-check function indispensible...but it only catches 95 percent of the frig-ups. Meet that elusive five it doesn't. Still, he scored a solid B...I don't see what Slick has to fuss about.
As for our coffee-drinking little friends...aside from comic relief, why bother to keep them around? I mean, there's Agent X, Doc Zeeltor, the twins, the alien janitor (well, before that whole incident with the reactor and kidnapping several MIB staffers) and the pink dude with about ten million pockets, all gainfully employed by MIB...and then there's the worms, who don't seem to work at all. If J wasn't a soft touch they'd have been deported and crawling on their bellies in the dirt of their home planet by now. It might have made for a funnier ending if K had told them, "New rule at MIB...all staffers have to log in at least one hour of VR training. That includes you, boys." Then all the worms get a look on their faces like they just percolated in their britches.

[Dee]

Originally posted by DR. BELCH
As a writer, I find the spell-check function indispensible...but it only catches 95 percent of the frig-ups. Meet that elusive five it doesn't. Still, he scored a solid B...I don't see what Slick has to fuss about.
As for our coffee-drinking little friends...aside from comic relief, why bother to keep them around? I mean, there's Agent X, Doc Zeeltor, the twins, the alien janitor (well, before that whole incident with the reactor and kidnapping several MIB staffers) and the pink dude with about ten million pockets, all gainfully employed by MIB...and then there's the worms, who don't seem to work at all. If J wasn't a soft touch they'd have been deported and crawling on their bellies in the dirt of their home planet by now. It might have made for a funnier ending if K had told them, "New rule at MIB...all staffers have to log in at least one hour of VR training. That includes you, boys." Then all the worms get a look on their faces like they just percolated in their britches.

LMAO--- i'm laughing so hard i'm crying! Why wasn't I surfing these boards way back when?? I don't know!!

I did a web search for 'Men In Black Zeeltor' to see what search engines I need to submit my web page to (ugh found YET ANOTHER ONE) and this popped up as like the 2nd of only 2 pages through an excite.com search. Lovely description of the episode I must say too because this is one of the few episodes I actually have! YAY! I loved this one because heck, it's more alien technology, and I love it when something is 'hit' in the game because it goes to this glowing gridwork and little panels of the figure wall away--- it looked really cool!

as for--- "New rule at MIB...all staffers have to log in at least one hour of VR training. That includes you, boys." Then all the worms get a look on their faces like they just percolated in their britches. --- i'm still laughing. The puns are too good---

Also--- it's one of those episodes with that pocket alien. We don't hear him in the Musical Chairs episode. I don't know if he actually does pop up in many episodes. NO ONE mentions him ever... reall, EXCEPT THAT ONE where an alien decides to be good by playing a super hero (Cosmosis) and Zeeltor's invention accidentally turns Agent J into 'Swiss Army Man' instead of 'J-Man'. The pocketed alien just has every possible thing in those pockets. Even spandex super hero costumes. We see that but thats about it for my limited memory of MIB episodes. We ought to mention that alien more. I don't even have him on my web page! He's kinda forgotten. dang--- WHAT IS his name---

To the batmobile! I must find that name!

-Delia97
(She's mixed up tv shows again)

[alan]

Is this what's gonna air on Kids WB on YTV or something because the MIB series is gone? Also the robot-armed bounty hunter on "Taffy Time" is named Krick. He's become my new favorite Zeta villain and I hope to see him again. Good job with all the hilarious asides though.


"Resign yourself to your meaty fate!"- Zim

"Attempted murder now honestly what is that? Do they give the Noble Prize for attempted chemistry do they?"- Sideshow Bob

"This time we'll hunt him down, and then we'll have superhero for supper."- Hyde

"I can't potty in there, it's disgusting!"- Wakko Warner.

[DR. BELCH]

The beauty of these boards is that you can resurrect old posts--I esp. like to alphabetize them and then cruise a board to see if I can find something I missed first time around. This is an old review of mine from last year I'd forgotten about.
The pocketed alien's name is mentioned--but I've forgotten it--in the circus ep, in which J's scared of some clown and a couple of alien Goodfellows show up (a little guy called Big and a big guy called Little). One of the trippiest and rather unevenly-written scripts--had to see it a couple of times to figure the bugger out. Stephen King meets Martin Scorcese meets the MIB boys.
Gracias to Alan--I'm notoriously poor with names, so its useful to me to have an observant person like him to prompt me. [recites] Kangor. Hyde. Krick. Kangor. Hyde. Krick. Still, I never quite got his motivation or the deal with the metal arm...or why a candy factory. If they're bringing Zeta back I hope the scripts improve--more darkness, more angst, maybe kill someone off. Still think Batman shouldn't have saved Z from killing himself in the crossover ep, and think Ro recovered way too fast for a concussion victim....

[TuffyCatt]

Originally posted by DR. BELCH
If they're bringing Zeta back I hope the scripts improve--more darkness, more angst, maybe kill someone off. Still think Batman shouldn't have saved Z from killing himself in the crossover ep, and think Ro recovered way too fast for a concussion victim....

From what I've heard, things on Zeta are supposed to get better this season. Slighty darker and/or more exciting plots and better scripts and so on. Anyway, the new episodes are supposedly going to start in spring, so hopefully we'll find out soon.

[Dee]

Originally posted by DR. BELCH
The beauty of these boards is that you can resurrect old posts--I esp. like to alphabetize them and then cruise a board to see if I can find something I missed first time around. This is an old review of mine from last year I'd forgotten about.
The pocketed alien's name is mentioned--but I've forgotten it--in the circus ep, in which J's scared of some clown and a couple of alien Goodfellows show up (a little guy called Big and a big guy called Little). One of the trippiest and rather unevenly-written scripts--had to see it a couple of times to figure the bugger out. Stephen King meets Martin Scorcese meets the MIB boys.
Gracias to Alan--I'm notoriously poor with names, so its useful to me to have an observant person like him to prompt me. [recites] Kangor. Hyde. Krick. Kangor. Hyde. Krick. Still, I never quite got his motivation or the deal with the metal arm...or why a candy factory. If they're bringing Zeta back I hope the scripts improve--more darkness, more angst, maybe kill someone off. Still think Batman shouldn't have saved Z from killing himself in the crossover ep, and think Ro recovered way too fast for a concussion victim....

I missed that episode--- the circus one--- of course I manage to miss EVERY OTHER EPISODE TOO lol, save for a few people have sent me. Stephen king? eh-- he's an alien. LOL.

Im happy I found this post too because it's weird to see how people talked about stuff. We boggle our minds for the pocket alien's name and in 2 years when this pops up again, we can look back, reminisce and go "Man--- what IS that alien's name anyway?" hehe.

I REALLY REALLY WISH theyd do a whole series set of DVDs cause man--- i miss all the good stuff!!

Jay as swiss army man--- priceless. I wanna hug the writers of the show for bein WEIRD! Theyre my kind of people!

-Delia97
(resurrecter of old posts--- digger upper of old files at MIB.)