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  1. #91
    LDEJRuff's Avatar
    LDEJRuff is offline I'll be back...
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    "Christmas Guy"
    Vinny: Hey. Whose leg do you gotta gagoosh to get an amaretto disaronno around here?

    (later in the ep)

    Vinny: Georgette, I'm coming home.
    Stewie: Who the hell is Georgette?

    I'd like to know, too. Anyways, that's a good "stage left exit" line.

    Happy 15th, Family Guy


  2. #92
    Dr. Daedalus's Avatar
    Dr. Daedalus is offline Souter made us do it!
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    Peter's Two Dads

    (Lois and Peter are unsure of how old Meg is)
    Lois: So, Meg, your birthday's coming up, huh? You excited about turning....... uh?
    Peter: Meg, I got sixteen candles for your birthday cake. How does that sound?
    Meg: That's not right.
    Peter: So... less...? More...? Too many...? Not enough?
    Meg: You stupid son of a b**ch! You didn't even know how old I am!
    Lois: Meg, that kind of language is not appropriate for a girl your age. Or is it?
    Meg: I'm gonna be 17, you jerks! (storms out)
    Peter: She's the jerk.

    ^ Love how tentative Peter and Lois are in this scene.

    Eight Simple Rules For Buying My Teenage Daughter

    Meg: You can't sell me, you fat son of a b**ch!

    ^ Meg is always funnier when she talks back to her parents. Always.

    Petergeist

    (Peter has a cursed skull)
    Lois: Peter... are you peeing in that skull?
    Peter: Oh NO, Lois, I'm goin' ALL the way to the bathroom and doin' it there. (under breath) Pain in the ass...

    European Road Show

    Peter: I'm packing for KISS-stock and I can't find my favorite underwear.
    Lois: You mean the pair with the rip in the right buttcheek from when you stepped on them pulling them up in that airplane bathroom from when you had the trots?
    Peter: No, the pair with the hole in the left buttcheek from when I held it in for two hours 'cause it was that extra long Palm Sunday church sermon and blowing gas would offend Jesus, so I let it go in the vestibule after mass, and it sounded like Louis Armstrong?
    Lois: Oh, bottom drawer.

    ^ They're so in sync!

  3. #93
    Dr. Daedalus's Avatar
    Dr. Daedalus is offline Souter made us do it!
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    Death Has a Shadow

    (when Peter's at the stag party)
    Peter: I feel kinda bad, you guys; I promised my wife I wouldn't drink.
    Quagmire: Aw, don't feel bad, Peter.
    Peter: Gee, I never thought of it like that!

  4. #94
    Dr. Daedalus's Avatar
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    The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire

    (after a Bewitched parody on TV)
    Cleveland: I hate Bewitched! (flips the couch)
    Stewie: Hey, so that's a pretty reasonable reaction, huh?

    ^ Made funnier because Stewie isn't on camera.

    Lethal Weapons

    Peter: Excuse me. Is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you: Very homosexually.

    Model Misbehavior

    Lois: Peter, I got a wax job, and let's just say you're cleared for a landing!
    Quagmire: (from outside) Giggity!

    ^ Again, funny because Quagmire's not in the shot.

    Also, the cutaway when Peter announces to the neighborhood that Meg got her first period:

    Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now I'm exhausted!

    8 Simple Rules For Buying My Teenage Daughter

    (to Liddane's boyfriend)
    Stewie: I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your Hacky Sack tourney! I'm not gonna lie down for some frat-boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie & Fitch long-sleeved, open-stitched crew-neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love Mr. Plow. You've got the song memorized, do you? So does everyone else! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1:00 in the morning. The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar-skank ladder.
    Liddane: Good night, Stewie.
    Stewie: If he wants to throw hands, I'll throw hands.

    ^ Variant of crying baby.

    Breaking Out is Hard to Do

    Judge: (to Lois) I sentence you to two years in the State Prison.
    Peter: Man, that is bogus.
    Judge: Order in the court! Another outburst like that, Mr. Griffin, and I'll extend the sentence.
    (Peter sneezes)
    Judge: Okay, three years.
    Peter: That was a sneeze.
    Judge: Four years.
    Peter: I'm sorry!
    Judge: Five years.
    Peter: You d**chebag.
    Judge: All right, three years it is.

    ^ LOL, why would he revert after an insult?

  5. #95
    Dr. Daedalus's Avatar
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    Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington

    (the cigarette companies are fined $100 million)
    Tobacco employee: But that'll bankrupt us!
    Peter: Oh, you mean like the way you morally bankrupted America? (audience laughs) Thanks for that zinger, fellas. Now gimme a snappy line to go out on.
    Writer: Actually, our lunch is here.
    (the two writers leave)
    Peter: Uh........... well, that's my mama! Hehehehehehehe.... (silence from crowd)

    Friends of Peter G

    Peter: (drunk) Hey, hey, CatDog, right? You're a CatDog. Hey, CatDog! CatDog! (sings theme song) Hey, where's, you know, where's all the poop go when the cat, when the, in a, in a CatDog? When the cat poops, what, does it come out of the dog's mouth? And And vice versa?

    ^ This made me laugh HARD the first time I watched it. And it's funny 'cause I've wondered the same thing.

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