Peter's Two Dads
(Lois and Peter are unsure of how old Meg is)
Lois: So, Meg, your birthday's coming up, huh? You excited about turning....... uh?
Peter: Meg, I got sixteen candles for your birthday cake. How does that sound?
Meg: That's not right.
Peter: So... less...? More...? Too many...? Not enough?
Meg: You stupid son of a b**ch! You didn't even know how old I am!
Lois: Meg, that kind of language is not appropriate for a girl your age. Or is it?
Meg: I'm gonna be 17, you jerks! (storms out)
Peter: She's the jerk.
^ Love how tentative Peter and Lois are in this scene.
Eight Simple Rules For Buying My Teenage Daughter
Meg: You can't sell me, you fat son of a b**ch!
^ Meg is always funnier when she talks back to her parents. Always.
(Peter has a cursed skull)
Lois: Peter... are you peeing in that skull?
Peter: Oh NO, Lois, I'm goin' ALL the way to the bathroom and doin' it there. (under breath) Pain in the ass...
European Road Show
Peter: I'm packing for KISS-stock and I can't find my favorite underwear.
Lois: You mean the pair with the rip in the right buttcheek from when you stepped on them pulling them up in that airplane bathroom from when you had the trots?
Peter: No, the pair with the hole in the left buttcheek from when I held it in for two hours 'cause it was that extra long Palm Sunday church sermon and blowing gas would offend Jesus, so I let it go in the vestibule after mass, and it sounded like Louis Armstrong?
Lois: Oh, bottom drawer.
^ They're so in sync!