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Young Adult Novel (Angsty Teenagers 2450)

Discussion in 'Story Board Workshops' started by Eddie G., Apr 25, 2006.

  1. Eddie G.

    Eddie G. Former Wolf/Writer.

    Sep 1, 2003
    Likes Received:
    I've been taking classes in writing for children young adults for some time and for my final project I need atleast four chapters (or 48 pages depending on chapter length) with the option of going further and finishing my novel. A good friend of mine has basically decided that she wants to finish and start submiting her novel with me, so long story short, I'm writing a novel.

    My target demographic is 13-18 year olds although I think it'll be pretty readable for people of any age. Right now, I have about 60 pages done and hope to have the novel complete by the end of June and to start submiting by the end of the Summer.

    I'm goin to post the Prologue first but if I get enough advice, I'll post even more. As a little disclaimer, I know that there is a big perspective shift but it's intended.

    Angsty Teenagers 2450: Droids, Government Cover-Ups, and Love!
    By Joe

    The Prologue: Because You Need It!
    About four hundred years from when you first opened this book there will be a horrible war that takes place in a galaxy very far away from the little blue planet with green highlights called Earth. This galaxy is so far away from the Earth that if I told you how far away it was, it would cause you to drop this book on the ground, and your brain would explode from the very thought of such a distance.

    The war was between the Narjidians of the planet, Mon, and the Merjidians of the planet, Nom. Both species were similar in appearance as seven foot humanoid lizard men with bright red eyes and spiky tails, but it should be noted that culturally, the species were completely different.

    For example, the Merjidians would wear pants in public while the Narjidians felt that pants were an annoyance with their very large spiky tails.

    The war had been raging for five centuries and was being fought over religious differences that four thousand years from now, some historians would attribute to the Merjidians receiving an ancient signal of a Gredellian sitcom called Stifik y Mostifik (Roughly translating to Love and Stripe in English).

    It was the particularly classic second episode of the series where a young Gredellion Minister of Punishment has to introduce his girlfriend to his parents, but is worried about what they’ll think if they find out that she’s a striped Gredellion from the second moon of Gredon, and not a non-striped Gredellion from the fourth moon of Gredon like his family. As you can imagine, much hilarity and racial hijinks ensue.

    At this moment though, about four hundred years from when you first opened up this book, General Rodian of the Narjidian army had boarded the Merjidian mothership which was currently hovering over the Narjidian capital city and was ready to start a full fledged attack.

    General Rodian was a particularly tall lizard man with purple skin and a huge set of teeth that looked like they could tear through steel. His talon tipped right hand was wrapped around a long golden sword while his right hand held a black electo-blaster that he had already used to dispose of several Merjidian guards.

    He charged through a long steel corridor till he reached two giant doors which he quickly blasted open to reveal the throne room of Emperor Balm, leader of all Merjidians. The Emperor sat nude on his huge silver throne eating from a bowl of orange fruits similar to Earth’s grapes while a dozen nude Merjidian love slaves surrounded him.

    General Rodian pointed the point of his blade directly at the throat of the gluttonous Emperor and he roared what would translate into English as, “This ends now, Balm, Mon and the Narjidians will never fall to your evil! This battle ends with your blood being spilled, you leaf harvester!”

    After those words were spoken the most unbelievably amazing battle that ever happened in the history of things that have ever happened, happened. There were death rays, giant robots, chase scenes, shrink rays, hot love scenes, a moon was blown up, a talking dog, a space ship that traveled pass the speed of light, God himself descended from the heavens to get involved in the whole mess telling them to knock it off, and in the end the victorious General Rodian tried to create from what remained of that solar system so far away, a new utopian society based on love and peace and other groovy things, and he succeeded.

    Four million years from when you first opened this book, General Rodian’s influence will have spread to every planet and life form in the Universe. Every single being will live in peace and understanding of his, or her, or its fellow beings. There will no longer be any misery, or heartbreak, or pain, or wondering. All life will exist completely content with its existence and completely knowing of why it exists.

    Four minutes after this happens, the Universe will implode in on itself.

    Our story however is not focused on the most important and amazing thing that ever happened. In fact, this story is not even on the list of The Top 101 Most Important and Amazing Things That Ever Happened. Our story is about someone who knows nothing of the Merjidians, or the Narjidians, or that awesome battle, or the death rays, or the giant robots, or the chase scenes, or the love scenes, or the shrink rays, or even the talking dog.

    This is not a story about all that stuff even if that stuff would make one hell of an interesting story. So, with that, we will never speak of the Narjidians, the Merjidians, death rays, or talking dogs for the remainder of this novel.

    About four hundred years after you first opened this book, in a corner of the Universe very, very far away from the most important and amazing thing that ever happened, there is a space ship floating near a small blue planet with green highlights that is not Earth. This spaceship is a large gray and back oval shaped object known as the Sonjrar. It is a luxury Virginasa cruisie that serves mostly the wealthy elite of the planet of Kardell.

    In this curiser you can find pinkish scaly Kardellians having big fancy dinners, laying in big beds, and playing in very big swimming pools.

    At the bottom of the ship though, past the gravity generators and balancers, at the very bottom of the ship is a rather small room with white plastic walls with posters of rock and roll bands and Bill Shakespeare.

    Standing in the rather small room is a rather small girl looking in her full length mirror. I stand in front of the mirror and look at myself in a pink bra and red panties with little white hearts on them. Short black hair and blue eyes with freckles along my nose, chest, forearms, and shoulders.

    I have this little pink pimple that sits over my chappy lips, and I’m wearing the red plastic earrings that my daddy first gave when I was thirteen. I’m small and thin, and barely breaking the barrier between points A and B as far as what’s below that second set of freckles I mentioned.

    I give my reflection a weird and unhappy half smile and shrug my left shoulder and scurry to my bed and climb on top of it. It’s a small twin bed with the same pink floral blanket I’ve had since I was eleven. I sit on the bed and look out the window.

    I look out to see the stars and some small starjets zoom by. Everything out there is so big, infinite and mysterious and dark. Out there, in a galaxy so far away --if I knew how far away it was, my brain would explode-- some important stuff is happening and I don’t even have the slightest idea what it is.

    Sitting next to my bed are two funny little photos. One of them is in this red frame that says “Welcome to Valles Marineris, Mars!” That’s where I’m from, Mars. I lived in this nice little city called Viking Colony which just so happened to be the capital of the United Martian Democracy. Mars is a lot cooler than Earth and slightly cooler than the Moon. People on Earth are always starting wars and shouting at each other. A lot of people from Earth hate us because seventy years ago we split off from the Empire Union and started governing ourselves. People from Mars hate the people from Earth because the people from Earth are just generally jerks who generally suck.

    I look at the photo in the frame. I find a slightly younger and slightly happier version of myself sitting in a blue lawn chair in the big backyard that we used to have in my old house. There were no circles under my eyes back then and my flesh was a little less bumpy and pasty. Kneeling down with his arm around me was this slightly chubby brown haired fellow wearing his Greenmen sketball jersey.

    Next to him is a tall and very athletic Asian fellow in only swimming trunks, he was holding hands with a small dark skinned girl with very Chinese features wearing a purple poka-dot bikini and with a pierced belly button. And there was a six foot Kardellian exchange student. Soft pink flesh with white scales under his chin and on his neck and soft red spikes growing out of his scalp, he was also wearing a Greenmen jersey and was playfully punching me in my shoulder.

    There is another photo in a black frame. I pick it up and lay down on the bed holding it over me. I’m seven in the photo and wearing this really silly and poofy blue dress with white ribbons all over it, I remember how much I really hated it. Standing over me was my dad who was skinny with very thin black hair and these thick glasses that he wore despite everyone telling him his whole life that he should just go in to get his eyes corrected. He would always tell people, “I like glasses, they make having a perspective multiple choice.” Next to him was this curvy and tall brown haired woman, my mom. She was this lady with dazzling green eyes who had been a beautiful woman, an adorable girl, and had most likely been a rather stunning fetus.

    That’s what I hated about my parents’ funeral, how my mom’s body was made to have no smile and her eyes closed. Most of my memories of her involve her laughing at my dad’s lame jokes or his farting while her green eyes were lit up like they were in the photo. I hate the last image of her in my head being all lifeless and calm.

    I missed Viking and my friends and my parents and not being all sadastic and mopey in my little corner of a room in my little corner of the Universe where nothing particularly important was happening. But then there was the next day, and nothing important happened, but some interesting stuff did. This is the story of a bunch of interesting stuff, and I! Melody Lane a teenage playwright from Mars!
    #1 Eddie G., Apr 25, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 26, 2006

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