What to say when somebody passes away?

Discussion in 'Cafe toonzone' started by BeastBoyWonder, Jun 16, 2005.

  1. BeastBoyWonder

    BeastBoyWonder Teen Titans Go!

    Nov 17, 2001
    Ann Arbor, MI
    Hey all,

    I've got a bit of a problem and I was wondering if anybody around here had anything insightful to offer. Basically, my brother, whom I was very close to, passed away about a week ago at a little over 15 years old. While certainly sudden and tragic, I'd much rather not discuss that here.

    The problem comes in that I've been asked to give a short speech or talk on my brother at a memorial service that a hell of a lot of his friends, family friends, teachers, people that he knew, etc. will be attending. Now ordinarily, I love public speaking and speechwriting and I jump all over the opportunity to talk in public, but this is a bit of a different scenario. I am absolutely at a loss as to what to talk about or say for him, and I'm desperate for any advice that I can find.

    A big part of the difficulty is that its coming up this Saturday and I've barely got time to write anything up, along with being able to be detached enough to write something good. I'm also not really sure about what's appropriate or socially acceptable in these kinds of scenarios with regards to writing style, what to say and what to avoid, etc. If anybody has been in a similar scenario or has some suggestions as to how to tackle this, I'd greatly appreciate it.
  2. TrogdorNyimbhat

    TrogdorNyimbhat New Member

    Jan 18, 2005
    Various places
    I'm really sorry. I'm not going to write a speech for you because I don't know the first thing about your brother, but try not to talk about "god" or anything that could be controversially mistaken - I had such situations. Say only good things about him etc. You could also talk about what he told you he wanted to be too. That's common on those kind of speeches. Try restraining yourself from crying during the speech, as it's likely most people will follow. Good luck.

    EDIT: You could also tell a light joke to lighten the mood and credit it to him.
  3. BeastBoyWonder

    BeastBoyWonder Teen Titans Go!

    Nov 17, 2001
    Ann Arbor, MI
    I understand. That's not something I'm really planning on incorporating into it, I'm thinking of an angle more along the lines of how he lived his life and what we can learn from it type of deal.

    And just to make it clear (from reading the above post), I am most certainly not asking anybody to write anything for me. I'm just looking for some broad, general advice because I don't even know where to start and I really want to make this perfect.
  4. LightShadow1890

    LightShadow1890 ..needs to change her avatar.

    May 10, 2004
    Somewhere you don't know.
    First off, I'm sorry. I hope he's up there with God smiling down on you. We can't answer when you say "why?"...and at least we can give you a hug.

    Second: I'm sorry, but I haven't made one myself and the only thing I'm relying on for memory is my dad's speech at my uncle's funeral (passed away almost 2 years ago) and my aunt's speech about him a year after that took place. Yeah, kind of bad to say that (and I know you're gonna have an uncomfortable feeling thinking "She doesn't know what she's doing"). The only thing I know is to say good things about him, what he's done...his legacy. And if you cry, try and hold back. And take any tissues that people give you.

    I hope that helps.
  5. Sailor Chibi Otaku

    Sailor Chibi Otaku Samanosuke Akechi fangirl

    Feb 4, 2002
    Feudal Japan/Shu Kingdom
    1) sorry for your loss :(;

    2) I give my condolences to the family and friends;

    3) I make and crack jokes. I cried at one funeral (so far) and I've been to a handful of funerals. I am not good at them as I tend to be humouristic during them rather than full of sorrow. :sad:

    Here's what I think at ALL of them: I don't understand why people are sad at them. Shouldn't you be happy that their pain and suffering are over and that they're at a better place?

    See why I am not good at them?
  6. Natey

    Natey blank

    Mar 25, 2005
    South Dakota
    say hes with God and in a better place talk about your good memories with him and special times. try to look at the family of the lost person. and maybe at first if no one said anything serious before you crack i lil joke so people will will more comfy with you as you speak.

  7. Kagetsu

    Kagetsu Hooligan

    May 9, 2004
    This may be totally wrong, I've never given eulogys.
    As family and friends we gather to express our feelings of loss and yet remember the joy of of sharing our time with him. *insert personal things here*. (I) want everyone to know that your love and support mean a lot at this very sad moment.

    Just to maybe give you a starting point.
    Personally, I'd avoid jokes of any kind, peoples emotions are often confused at funerals.
  8. Fone Bone

    Fone Bone Bonehead

    Jan 19, 2004
    Back in Boneville
    God, I'm so sorry steel. I would suggest being honest and talking about what your brother meant to you and how difficult that can be to put into words. Don't make the whole thing about you, mind, but let people know that death is hard for everyone at a certain point in the speech.
  9. silverwings

    silverwings Ronin of Light

    Dec 19, 2002
    Outside the Big Apple
    Well, in my family (or so it seems, haven't been to anyone else's family deaths yet. Hope it stays that way *knocks on wood*), the speaker(s) usually recall happy memories of the person who passed away. Like events that meant alot to them and that they feel the world should know about.

    For example, when my father passed away about a year ago, I talked about the things we did together; our shared pastimes and such. I also talked about his dreams and what he wanted/accomplished out of life.

    Other than that, it can be one of the hardest speeches you'll ever have to write/read. I hope that you don't have to write another anytime soon. :(
  10. Kurtman

    Kurtman You blabbing old fart!

    Mar 30, 2004
    Well,my mom's sister Nancy passed away mysteriously. My mom thinks she either died in her sleep or got raped. I never met Nancy before so I don't really have an aunt. It is kinda sad to think about it...........:crying::crying:
  11. Leaping Larry Jojo

    Leaping Larry Jojo Searching for a map

    May 10, 2001
    Sometimes in this case it's not necessary to prepare too much. Just write down topics you wish to speak of, and then speak from the heart. People won't care about how eloquent you sound, the point is to be genuine.
  12. I.R Joey

    I.R Joey Yep my face got stuck this way

    May 3, 2001
    A land of no logic aka Ca
    Sorry to hear about that. I can't imagine what loosing someone like that would be like. And so young.

    I'm not sure if it's even appropriate for me to give you advice, as I've never been in that situation but I thing that being heart felt is far more important than being eloquent in this situation. You probably want to recall some good times you spent with him, and how you should honor his memory by living the best you can.

    Hope everything goes well.
  13. Fayina

    Fayina New Member

    Dec 18, 2001
    I think the above quote is something you should definitely keep in mind. This is one of those speeches where you aren't giving it to impress anyone else but rather to honor someone's life who was very close to you. No sane person in the audience is going to be judging you on what you say (within reason) or how you deliver your speech.

    Also, don't worry about the length of your speech. Make it as long or as short as you need to. Sometimes the shorter speeches are the most heartfelt; sometimes it is the opposite. Just talk for however long it feels right to you.

    If you start to cry, don't feel embarrassed about it. Just pause for a moment to collect yourself or continue on through it. Sometimes people get so emotional that they cannot finish their speech. Don't worry if this happens to you, and don't feel obligated to continue if it hurts too much.

    Things you can talk about:

    -Share memories involving you and your brother.
    -Talk about your brothers accomplishements in life and how important he was to you.
    -Talk about the impact that he had in other people's lives.
    -Talk about your brothers good qualities.
    -Sometimes people sing songs that remind them of their loved one.
    -Sometimes people write poems that express how they feel and read those outloud.
    -Sometimes people read something significant that their loved one had written.
    -Sometimes people read something significant that they had written or someone else had written about their loved one.

    I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck with getting through this speech.
  14. guinaevere

    guinaevere agent provocateur

    Sep 14, 2002
    Steel, my prayers and condolences go to you and your family.

    As to what to say, go with what you feel. Memories, regrets (yes, its okay, because a lot of other folks are also regretting that your brother won't be able to do A,B & C...) Really, go with what you want to share about your bro and these people who share in your loss.
  15. Squisheee

    Squisheee More energetic than ANYONE!!!

    Jan 24, 2005
    In a land far, far away..
    Well, I was at my mom's boyfriend's dad's funeral today, and I hope this helps: Just share memories or (if u believe in god and u know the ppl well enuff) then say something like "Well, I know he's probably up there in heaven playing ____ or doing ____ with god.....) Or something like that. Hope that helps! :(

    Sorry if i've offended u if ur aren't a christian i'm sorry!

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