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The Venture Bros. in: I Scream at Genies - rated TV-MA

Discussion in 'The Story Board' started by Planeteer, Feb 12, 2013.

  1. Planeteer

    Planeteer Member

    Nov 14, 2004
    Likes Received:

    (Disclaimer: I don't own The Venture Bros., Cartoon Network does.  Also, this takes place before I knew there'd be a fourth season, so Brock Samson isn't around anymore.  I might remake this as a fourth-season story.)

    All was quiet at the Venture compound when...
    An unpleasant tingling rippled through the young goth's body as she vanished from her room in a puff of smoke, rematerializing in the study of her father, the powerful necromancer Doctor Byron Orpheus.  The first thing she did upon reappearing was scream and collapse into a fetal position.
    "Pumpkin?" asked Dr. Orpheus.  "What's wrong?"
    "Daddy?" asked Triana, looking up at her father.  Then she got disgusted.  "Jeez, Dad...you know I've had a fear of teleportation ever since that guy zapped me to the Torrid Zone!  I thought I was being kidnapped again!"
    Triana was referring to a supervillain known as Torrid, who had applied for an arch-villainy job against her father's superteam, the Order of the Triad.  Fortunately, the "Torrid Zone" had been a part of the Great Barrier Reef, and the island had been owned by her father.
    "My apologies," said Dr. Orpheus noncommittally, "but you have much to answer for."
    "What'd I do?" she asked, getting up.
    "A short time ago," explained her father, "whilst engaged in my researches, I detected psychic residue throughout the local ether."
    "So...what?" asked Triana, not getting the reference.  "Someone used one of your books as a spank rag?  Why don't you use club soda or lemon juice or something?"
    "You know not of what you speak!" intoned Dr. Orpheus melodramatically.  "For I felt the recent presence of a very mind within my sanctum!  Yea, there were psychic echoes crying out...'Kimberly, Kimberly!'"
    "Kimberly?" asked Triana, recognizing the name.  It belonged to one of her friends.  "Are you saying she stole one of your books or something?"
    "Fortunately, no," said her father simply.  "Apparently, she merely copied something down."  Then he returned to his earlier theatrics.  "But she knows not with what forces she tampers!  For the spell she purloined calls forth entities from beyond known time and space!"
    "I'll talk to her about it," said Triana.
    "All right...but only that once!  Thenceforth, you are never to associate with her again!"
    Triana's jaw dropped.

    Kim's cell phone rang, and she answered it.  "Yeah?" she asked.
    "Kim?" asked Triana.  "It's Triana.  Hey, what the hell are you listening to?"
    "Beautiful Liar by Shakira," Kim said.  "I'm trying to bellydance to it."
    "Really?" asked Triana.
    "You might wanna try it," Kim suggested.  "Might make Dean hot for you."
    "He's already hot for me," Triana admitted.
    "Besides," said Kim, "the whole goth thing's getting kind of old.  You might wanna talk to your dad about getting rid of that gateway to hell, or whatever's in your closet."
    "You mean the Necropolis," corrected Triana.  Then she realized something.  "Hey, you've been sneaking around in our part of the compound, haven't you?"
    "Yeah," said Kim.
    "That means you did copy a page from one of my dad's spellbooks!" Triana exclaimed, angrily.  "Dammit, Kim, Dad grounded me because of you!"
    "How's that my fault?" argued Kim as she paused the music on her CD player.
    "Well, you are one of my friends," Triana retorted, explaining her father's logic.  "And you must've done it the last time I invited you.  Why did you do it, anyway?"
    "Remember when we went on that double date with Hank and Dean, and I decided both that I wanted to be a supervillain, and that they were going to be my arch-nemeses?" Kim asked.  "Well, I went online and found this arch-villain website.  They said I needed a gimmick first.  I mean...you know that guy with the butterfly theme going on, right?"
    "The Monarch?" asked Triana.  "Unfortunately."
    "So I figured I'd try a genie theme," Kim added.
    "A what?" asked Triana, confused.
    "It's easy," explained Kim.  "I found this page on summoning them, and I'm gonna call one and ask him to make me a genie.  Only I'm gonna be the kind that screws up their wishes, you see?"
    Triana paused in disbelief.  Then she said, "Get the **** outa here, Kim," and hung up.

    "Hmm, hung up on me," said Kim.  "Ah, well..."
    She turned the music back on and continued dancing.  When the song was over, she turned off the CD player and went over to a corner of her room where she'd drawn a circle in chalk, and surrounded it with candles.  She could only afford the citronella kind; hopefully it would still work.
    She lit the candles, then picked up a piece of paper she'd laid on a drawer.  "Now, let me see..." she said, reading the mystic symbols inscribed there.  She raised a hand toward the circle and began to chant a few arcane syllables that she hoped she was pronouncing right.  Her hand glowed, and the glow leaped from her hand to the candles.  The magically-empowered flames leaped up, converging in the center of the circle.  The resulting fireball then swelled and grew, taking on a manlike shape.
    "Who summons me from beyond the veil of time and space?" bellowed the genie.  He looked like the one from that Disney cartoon, except it had an evil, piglike face with huge tusks and a tail of fire instead of legs.
    "Me," said Kim.  "And have I got a deal for you..."

    "Hey, Dad!" said Triana, walking to her father.  "I got off the phone with Kim, and..."
    "Silence!" shouted Dr. Orpheus melodramatically.  "I sense a disturbance in the ether!"  (If the last word of that sentence had been "force", Triana might have laughed.)  "I sense that young Kimberly has succeeded in rending space and time asunder, summoning forth a djinn!" he finished.
    "That's what I was gonna tell you," said Triana.  "It's part of her scheme to become a supervillain.  She's after Hank and Dean!"
    "We must warn them!" said Dr. Orpheus.  He wrapped himself and Triana in his cloak and teleported...

    ...And they materialized in Triana's room.  Triana fainted from the shock of teleporting, but not before weakly moaning, "Daaaaaaad..."
    "Oh, yes," said Dr. Orpheus as he recalled Triana's phobia.  "Sorry about that."  Then he turned to Kimberly and shouted, [/i]"Unhand that spell!  You know not what you..."[/i]
    Then he stared, goggle-eyed at Kimberly and the djinn.  "Oh, ****."
    "Too late, Orpheus," said Kimberly in an evil gloating voice.  "I've already told the djinn what I want, and he agreed to it!"
    "Prepare to be transformed, my willing slave-to-be," said the djinn, raising his arm.  His hand glowed, preparing to fire an eldritch blast.
    "Nay!" shouted Orpheus, firing his own mystic bolt.  It intercepted the one headed for Kimberly.  Unfortunately, this caused it to ricochet around the room in a blur, bouncing off the walls, ceiling and floor.
    Finally, it found a target in the unmoving form of Triana Orpheus.  Her body convulsed as she screamed.  Finally, her body turned into a statue!
    "Oops," said the djinn, looking embarrassed.
    "What have I done?!" exclaimed Orpheus at the sight of his daughter.  Then, "Ow!!" as Kim delivered a stinging slap to the back of his head.  "What was that for?" he demanded to know.
    "You wasted a perfectly good spell," complained Kim.  "And besides, I hate when people say things like 'What have I done?'  It's a stupid question; the answer's always 'You ****ed up!'"
    "Well, at least I'm the one who feels remorse," snapped Dr. Orpheus, folding his arms imperiously.
    The statue exploded into a pile of ash, which rose up in a smoky cloud.  The djinn smiled; at least something was going right!  It pulled a bottle out of its trousers and uncorked it.  The djinn raised his hand, mystically pulling the genie-cloud into its new bottle-home...
    And with a wave of his own hand, Dr. Orpheus pulled the cloud away!  The djinn frowned, and made the gesture again, only to be countermanded by Orpheus again!  The Triana-genie was telekinetically slammed against drawers, bookshelves, the ceiling, the walls...if she'd been solid, it would've hurt!  Even in her  new smoky state, it wasn't comfortable!
    As the djinn wrestled with Orpheus, Kim grabbed his arm.  "Look, forget about her!" she ordered.  "Try with me again!"
    The djinn blinked.  Then he growled, "As you wish."  He raised his arm and fired at Kim again.  This time, there was no stopping her transformation.  She remained solid long enough to give the Orpheuses the finger and blow a razzberry before her  smoke was drawn into the bottle meant for Triana.  The djinn burst into flame and vanished from the circle that bound him.
    The second it did so, Triana's smoke finally solidified and she fell to the floor.  "Ow!" she yelled.  Then she got up and looked at herself.  Her purple-dyed hair had been arranged in a ponytail and she now wore a small round blue hat, a darker blue vest, a light blue silk bra and blue harem pants.
    "Dad?" she asked.  "What happened to my clothes?  And for that matter, why am I suddenly fluent in Arabic, and why do I feel an urge to bellydance?"
    #1 Planeteer, Feb 12, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2013
  2. Planeteer

    Planeteer Member

    Nov 14, 2004
    Likes Received:

    (Again, I don't own the Venture Bros.; I stand to make no profit save my own amusement.)

    Dr. Orpheus and Triana explained the situation to the Venture family.  (Bet you thought we'd never get to them, eh? ;p)
    "So let me get this straight...you're, like, a genie?" Dean Venture asked, pointing to the harem-clad Triana.
    "Unfortunately," said Triana.  She was floating in mid-air, sitting yoga-style and wearing an expression of disgust.
    "Oh, shut the hell up!" snapped Dr. Thaddeus Venture.  "There are no such things as genies.  It's like my dad kept telling me: 'Rusty, there's a perfectly logical explanation for everything.'  Which is yet another item I add to the list of Things My Father Did to Screw Up My Life and Crush My Soul."
    Dr. Thaddeus Venture was the son of the late Dr. Jonas Venture, a heroic scientist-adventurer.  (Kind of like Indiana Jones meets Mr. Fantastic.)  Unfortunately, despite his heroism and scientific skills, he wasn't very good at parenting.  As a result, Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture grew up to be the exact opposite of his father: sarcastic, cynical, incompetent and unattractive.  (Okay, that last one wasn't completely his own fault...but that's another story.)
    "Where is your man Brock?" Dr. Orpheus wanted to know.  "He should be in on this."
    Dr. Venture sighed.  "Brock quit," he said simply.
    "'Quit'?" repeated a shocked Dr. Orpheus.
    "Yes, Merlin, he quit," snapped Dr. Venture.  "It happened after that three-way battle we had with OSI and the Monarch."
    "Don't forget that clone army," added Hank.
    "They don't count, Hank," said Dr. Venture.  "They were on our side, remember?"
    "I don't even remember what side we were on!" Hank complained.
    "Excuse me," interrupted Triana.  "Can we get back to the discussion about me being a genie?"
    "Does it hurt?" asked Dean.
    "No," said Triana, "but the harem outfit's demeaning as hell, so could you not stare?"

    Meanwhile, Kim rested in her bottle.  It was basically a mini-harem room, with a pile of cushions for her to recline on, silken curtains surrounding her, and a scent of exotic flowers perfuming the room.  When she looked up, she saw a magical design glowing, providing light.
    Kim was dressed in a fancy tribal-style bellydancer's outfit.  (Kind of like Rachel Brice.)  Just as she was boredly wondering when the djinn was going to let her out, the magical design was pulled up.  Kim realized it was the bottle's cork, and she transformed to smoke and flowed out.
    Kim solidified in what appeared to be an Arabian Nights palace, in front of her master the djinn.  Obediently, she dropped down on one knee and said, "How may I serve thee, O Master?"  Then she looked up at the djinn and added, "How was that?"
    "Well done for a first try," he said, bowing and smiling.  "Are you sure you haven't...?"
    "No, just figured that's how it was done," she admitted.  "I watched that TV show with Barbara Eden and..."
    "Ugh!" shouted the djinn with displeasure.  "The things that slattern knew about djinns could be written on a flea's backside!"
    "Sorry," said Kim.  "So, uh..."
    "My name is Nazaar, sweet one," said the djinn.  "But you may know me as 'Master'."
    "Cool," said Kim.  "So, when do I learn how to grant wishes?"
    "All in good time, my dear," said Nazaar.  "First...I will see you dance."
    As the sounds of doumbek, sitar and flute filled the air, Kim shrugged.  Then she raised her hands above the air and began to move her torso in a snakelike fashion.  Then as the tempo picked up, she went into hip drops, then shimmies.
    "You're quite good at this," mused Nazaar admiringly.
    "Thanks," she said, raising her voice slightly over the music.  "I watched a few Youtube videos."

    Back at the Venture compound, the Venture Bros., the two doctors were still discussing Triana's condition.
    "If only there were a way to track down the original djinn..." mused Dr. Orpheus.
    "Wait," said Triana.  "Maybe there is one.  Maybe if I concentrate hard enough..."
    She closed her eyes and thought really hard.  Her body started to glow as she felt a sort of tugging in her mind.
    "Wow!" said Dean Venture at the ethereal glowing.  It made for a nicely dramatic moment.  Dr. Venture, on the other hand, merely made a cynical snort, the kind that said, "I'm not impressed."
    Then Triana pointed at one of the kitchen walls.  "He's that way!" she exclaimed.

    Back at Nazaar's lair, Kim finished the dance.  "You have done well," smiled Nazaar lecherously.
    "So, when do I get to do the magic?" she asked.
    "Step into the harem with me," suggested Nazaar, "and we'll discuss it."
    But naturally, Kim knew what Nazaar really wanted. "I don't think so," she said.  In her anger, she visualized Nazaar's groin exploding.
    To her surprise, that was exactly what happened!  While the castrated, burning djinn flailed about in unholy agony, Kim blinked.  "So that's how my magic works," she deduced.
    Seconds later, however, the flames went out, and Nazaar's wounds regenerated.  Instead of being angry at Kim, however, Nazaar had a thoughtful look.  "I think you're ready to begin...ah...I believe you called it your 'career in supervillainy'."
    "That's great," said Kim.  "So, when do we HEYYYYY!!"  Unnoticed by Kim, Nazaar had opened the bottle, and Kim found herself sucked into it.  With a smile of satisfaction, Nazaar nodded.  The bottle vanished in a puff of smoke...

    Meanwhile, the evil but unsuccessful Monarch was recovering from injuries he'd sustained in battle with the Ventures and the Office of Secret Intelligence.  (It's complicated; suffice it to say it involved a malfunctioning mech suit.)  His wife, whom he'd called "Sheila" in intimate moments but referred to as "Dr. Mrs. the Monarch" in front of the henchmen, was standing in front of his bed looking pissed.
    "It's your own fault, you know," she scolded.  "You know the Guild forbade you to go after Dr. Venture!"
    "But I gotta, honey!" he tried to explain.  "It's my thing!"
    (The reason we say he tried to explain it is because one of his injuries was a broken jaw, which the doctors had to wire shut.  So it came out sounding like "Buh uh guhah, hunuh!  Uhh's muh thuhh!")
    "Well, I think you need to see a therapist, and I don't mean the one for your broken legs," Sheila/Dr. Mrs. the Monarch said crossly.  "What's with you and Dr. Venture anyway?"
    The Monarch began to give out a long backstory about the dark secret from his past that drove him to loathe Dr. Venture with every fiber of his being, but thanks to the fused jaw not a word of it made sense.
    "Well, we don't have time for that now," interrupted Sheila/Dr. Mrs. the Monarch.  "I'm worried about the henchmen, especially #21; he hasn't been the same since #24 died in the explosion."
    "Uh knuh," said the Monarch.  "Huh's buhn muhungh arunh uh luh."  ("I know.  He's been moping around a lot.")
    "He's also been preserving #24's severed, burned head in a jar of formaldehyde," she informed him.  "He keeps it in his closet.  He keeps claiming it's a prop from Mel Brooks's Young Frankenstein, but I can tell.  So far, though, I haven't had the heart to say so.  I keep meaning to tell him to let it go, but he just seems so sad..."

    #21 (known to his friends and mother as "Gary") opened his closet where he kept all his pop culture memorabilia, like his toy Hulk fists and his Lord of the Rings sword replica.  Finally, he looked up at the jar containing the head of #24.  With a sigh, he thought back to the death of #24...
    "My seatbelt's jammed!"
    "Why did you buckle it? Why would you do that?"

    Then the explosion, and the flaming severed head...it took a lot of therapy for him to recover from that, even as much as he had.
    Then, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed something next to the jar.  "Hmm?  What's this doing here?"
    "This" was a strange, ornate bottle.  #21 reached up and took it.  He wondered what was in it.  He took it into the bathroom, upended it over the sink, and opened it.
    A strange cloud of smoke flowed slowly out of the bottle.  Instead of going into the sink, it flowed next to #21 and solidified back into Kim, belly-dancing outfit and all.
    "You're it, huh?" asked Kim.  Then, "Hey, you're that guy from the time we all chose the same place for that date."
    #21 stared at her slack-jawed.  (You would too if a puff of smoke came out of a bottle and solidified into a person, but the skimpy belly-dancing outfit played a part too.)
    Then she remembered what to do next.  She got on one knee and said, "So, how may I serve thee, O Master?"
    "YAHOO!" screamed #21.  His cry of glee reverberated throughout the cocoon.

    #2 Planeteer, Feb 14, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 15, 2013
  3. Planeteer

    Planeteer Member

    Nov 14, 2004
    Likes Received:
    (Again, I don't own the Venture Bros.; I stand to make no profit save my own amusement.)

    "...omigod, oh my freaking God, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" #21 continued to shout as he ran through the halls to the Monarch's room.  "Monarch, Monarch!  You have to see this!"
    "Suh whuh?" ("See what?") The Monarch demanded to know.
    #21 pointed at the bottle.  "You see this?  Watch what happens..."
    He pulled out the stopper and Kim flowed out as smoke, resolidifying in her human form.  "Ta-daa!" said #21, an almost child-like expression of glee on his face.
    The Monarch sat straight up with a violent jerk.  "HULUH SHUH, THUH'S UH FUHUHN GUHNUH!" ("HOLY ****, THAT'S A ****ING GENIE!") he shouted.  Then he heard his back snap, said "Ow..." and lay back down.
    "What the hell is going on?" Dr. Mrs. the Monarch wanted to know.
    "She's a genie, and I'm her master," smiled #21.
    Dr. Mrs. the Monarch blinked.  Then she frowned at #21 and said, "I'm disappointed in you."  Then she turned to Kim and said, "Okay, sweetie, lemme ask you something: ever hear of Women's Lib?"
    "Great!  Ruin everything, why don'tcha?" asked #21.
    "I'm not speaking to you," said Dr. Mrs. the Monarch.  She turned back to Kim and said, "You need to..."  Then she recognized her, and stared.  "Hey, wait a sec...you're that girl I met that one time!  What the hell happened to you?"
    "It's a long story," said Kim.  "Wanna go for a coffee while we discuss it?"

    Meanwhile, Nazaar was in his harem with other female genies, making sure his genitals had grown back and were fully functional (guess how), when the Ventures and Orpheuses (or would that be "Orphii"?) teleported in with a brilliant light.
    "Villain!" shouted Dr. Orpheus.  "Stand down, lest you...oh, my!"  This was in response to the inordinate amount of nearly naked slave girls.  "My apologies, ladies."  He covered his eyes.
    "Puberty overload!" screamed Hank and Dean, moments before they fainted from the hormonal overdose.
    "He-hey!  Nice teleporting, Gandalf!" said Dr. Venture with a wink, patting Dr. Orpheus in the back.
    "Might I ask," demanded Nazaar as he pulled his pants back on, "what goes on here?"
    "I'm gonna kill you, is what's going on!" snapped Triana, advancing menacingly.  "You're the dick who turned me into a genie!"
    "Please, as if you could pose a threat," said Nazaar in an unimpressed tone, raising his hand.  An invisible force lifted Triana into the air.
    "Besides," said Nazaar, "you're forgetting that the spell was originally aimed at another.  This idiot here" -- he pointed at Dr. Orpheus -- "deflected it, so what happened to you is as much his fault as mine!  And the name is Nazaar, not 'the dick'!"
    "The point is," retorted Triana as she struggled in mid-air, "I want this curse off me!  I'm not a big fan of being a glorified slave girl!"  Instantly, her harem garb turned back into her regular goth clothes.  "Thanks," she said to Nazaar.
    "That wasn't me," said Nazaar with a blink.  "You did that yourself, wishing hard enough."
    "I did?" she wondered.  "Hmm...maybe there are advantages to this after all..."
    "Are you saying," said Dr. Orpheus in amazement, "that because she wasn't bound to a bottle, she can grant her own wishes?"
    "Apparently," said Nazaar.  "Between that and being your daughter, with the right training, she's got the potential to be the most powerful being that ever mastered the forces of magic!"
    "That's nice," said Triana, "but where's Kim?"

    The answer to Triana's question was "In the commissary of the Monarch's floating cocoon, drinking coffee with Dr. Mrs. the Monarch."
    "...and if you're such a feminist," she countered while they were drinking coffee, "why have a name like 'Dr. Girlfriend', much less 'Dr. Mrs. the Monarch'?"
    "Hey," the aforementioned woman argued, "at least I gave up the 'Queen Etheria' gig!  God, Phantom Limb was such an *******!"
    "The point is," said Kim, "you choose to define yourself by whoever you're hanging out with."
    "At least it's a choice," said Dr. Mrs. the Monarch.  "I don't wanna insult you, but it's kinda like how you choose to do the whole 'harem slave' bit."
    "This?" asked Kim, looking down at her belly-dancing outfit.  "I was gonna be an evil genie, you know, the kind that deliberately misinterprets wishes.  Like, if you were a guy and you asked for me to give you head..."
    "And I'd get a second head on my neck or something?" asked Dr. Mrs. the Monarch.  They both laughed at the mental image.
    "I wanted the Venture Bros. to find me," Kim continued, "so I could really screw them over.  They annoy the hell out of me!  But somehow I wound up with that fat doofus instead."
    "That's Henchman #21," said Dr. Mrs. the Monarch.  "You really want him for your master?"
    "Well, I was gonna be a supervillain," Kim said with a shrug.  "I kind of have you to thank for the inspiration."
    "About that supervillainy thing," said Dr. Mrs. the Monarch, "I wouldn't suggest it.  For openers, you have to sign up with the Guild of Calamitous Intent first, and it kinda gets complicated from there."
    Kim stroked her chin thoughtfully.  "Can I be a henchwoman, and kinda work my way up?"
    "I'll have to get back to you on that," said Dr. Mrs. the Monarch.

    "You did WHAT!" shouted Dr. Venture.  Nazaar had told them that Kim had been magicked to #21's room.
    "It was a compromise," Nazaar explained.  "I wanted to punish her for blowing up my crotch -- which has healed nicely, thank you -- and she wanted to be what you call a 'supervillain'.  So I made her the slave of the most pathetic supervillain I could find!"
    "Look, 'Nasal'..." began Dr. Venture.
    "The name is 'Nazaar'," the djinn corrected.
    "I'm aware of that, 'Nasal'," Dr. Venture dismissed.  "I was being insulting.  Now look, the Monarch has been the biggest pain-in-my-ass ever...well, unless you count my father.  Giving him a genie like Kim, who knows enough about the Venture compound to cause this much trouble, is...well, you may as well give him the keys to Fort Knox and call it a day!"
    Nazaar grew to twice his normal size, and powerful muscles sprouted all over his frame.  "YOU DARE TO INSULT ME IN MY OWN HOME?" he roared in a voice that was deeper and more demonic-sounding than ever, flames burning intensely all over him.
    "Oh, shut the **** up," snapped Dr. Venture.  "I'm not impressed."  Dr. Venture wasn't exactly brave, but it took a lot to scare him in the first place.
    Nazaar calmed down and returned to his first form.  "Anyway," he said dismissively, "I didn't give her bottle to the Monarch, I gave it to his flabby servant."
    Dr. Venture stared, amazed.  "You're kidding, right?  #21?"
    "Yes," said Nazaar.
    Dr. Venture burst out laughing.  "What's he gonna do with her?  Re-enact scenes from Return of the Jedi?"
    "Well, they would have a Jabba-and-Princess Leia thing going on..." Hank joked.
    "Stop," said Dr. Venture with a chuckle, "you're killing me!"

    As a matter of fact, that was pretty much exactly what they were doing...except that instead of being Jabba the Hutt, #21 had been transformed into an Ewok, and "Leia" (in her Endor outfit) was hugging him.
    "Ehh, close enough," #21 said with a shrug and a grin.
    #3 Planeteer, Feb 15, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 16, 2013

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