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Teen Titans Fan Fiction The Policeman: A Tale Of Jump City (C)

Discussion in 'The Story Board' started by Matt A, Jan 18, 2007.

  1. Matt A

    Matt A Smile. Or Else.

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    You know, so did I. It’s definitely good to be back in the game.:D

    It is, isn’t it? I suppose you could view Raven’s increased craziness as “she was pretending to be normal when we first met her, but now we know her true plans (well, kinda), that cover is being steadily dropped”. Or, to put it in a less pretentious way, I just enjoy writing dialogue for homicidal maniacs.:p

    Yep. And that, to my mind, is why Raven is the best Titan to use for this: she’s cynical, twisted, secretive, startlingly brutal…all the qualities you need to kill someone and not go nuts afterwards. Robin shares most of those qualities, admittedly, but he’s also a little too “holier than thou” for this kind of mission.

    ‘Course, I also said that Raven was a homicidal manic. But that’s just because I find the phrase was too amusing to resist.:p

    That’s what I thought, too. That conversation was actually a composite of two separate scenes in Collateral – the roadside interrogation scene, and the first Dispatch one – both designed to achieve the same effect: Max (William, in our case) could potentially call for help, but because he’s being held hostage, he has to make the newcomers go away instead. And in my case, what makes it even worse is that he’s talking to someone he loves, so if he screws up, he’ll be putting her in danger too.

    Plus, on a more pragmatic level, I’m glad you liked it. Part of the reason this chapter took so long was that I gave it a fairly major re-write: the original conversation had William’s predicament as an underlying threat, and whilst you could feel it, the dialogue itself felt a little too…well, banal, I suppose. So I removed the dullest parts (which were so dull, I can’t even remember what they were), and added in what I now feel to be the best bits: William’s repeated reflections on how uncomfortable he is, physically as well as mentally. It wasn’t a particularly enjoyable process (re-writing never is), but it definitely helped.

    That’s quite a good idea, actually. I wish I’d thought of it myself.

    Ergo, that wasn’t what I was thinking of with Raven’s comment. Truth be told, I just wanted her to be awkward. But I might have a think about that…

    Oh yes, and that’s perhaps not the question you should be asking…;)

    -Matt A-
     
  2. Faethie

    Faethie Rockstarrlette

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    Miss me?

    First off: I'm glad that your standards are being upheld =]] its nice that some things never change.

    But to the story.
    I think theres something a bit ironic in the fact that William drops his daughter off at a church and ends up chauffering a murdererer around on Christmas eve.
    Well done.
    His daughter's appearance seems to resemble Raven herself: plain, to the point, and not unnecessary. As a singer, when I go perform I'm always dressed really nicely. So either, she doesnt care (which she does) or she has a reason for dressing like that. Was she in a rush, or was it because she simply wanted to make a statement. Probably the latter.
    William does not strike me as the type that would not take a side. I mean, hell if there's a gun to your head you're gunna do whatever is told. Right? That is questionable. It is, however, in his curiousity that I believe is the key to that answer. William likes problem solving. And that's whats done him in. And what's gunna keep doing him in.
    Lastly, nice job with the phone call bit. I did find it interesting that he didn't say I love you. Raven pointing that out made it more important. Is it possible that he's used to lying to his wife? Or that he somehow knows that he won't die.
    I love Raven being a villain. Absolutely love it.
    Overall, good read. I missed you. =]
     
  3. Dr. Shore

    Dr. Shore Forever a N00b

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    You said that there'd be two characters from the series. So far we've seen Raven. I'm calling the second one:

     

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