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The Life of Ulysses Feral -Part one -First draft (critiques welcome)

Discussion in 'The Story Board' started by Rusakov, Nov 17, 2012.

  1. Rusakov

    Rusakov Member

    Dec 16, 2009
    Likes Received:
    Writers note: this is an attempt at fanfiction. I suck at it but would like to get better, so I'm looking for critiques.

    -Part One-

    The maternity ward was white and smelled of antiseptic. Mrs. Feral grimaced as another wave of contractions hit her. “I think this is it” said the nurse, “push”. Mrs. Feral pushed as she felt a small body moving through her abdomen and gave out a short cry as it left her.

    After a few moments she started hearing mewling. She turned to her side and saw the nurse holding a small infant kat next to her. “Congratulations” the nurse said, “you are now a mother!” “He’s seems quite healthy” one of the nurse’s aides said.

    Mr. Feral had risen from his seat and went over to the bed where his wife and newborn child were laying. Mrs. Feral was exhausted from labor, but she was quite happy. She had given birth to a healthy kat.

    “What do you wish to name the baby?” the nurse said. Mr. Feral recalled reading a Latin translation of The Odyssey back in high school. The central character was named Ulysses. “How about Ulysses?” said Mr. Feral. “That sounds like a good name” said Mrs. Feral, “Ulysses it is!”

    -Five years later-

    Ulysses Feral looked down into the crib at his sleeping brother. He seemed so peaceful even though he was quite a handful when he was awake.

    Today was Ulysses’ birthday; his mother was downstairs baking a cake. He wished his dad was here, but since he was an Enforcer, he was busy with fighting crime.

    Ulysses went downstairs into the kitchen. As he entered the kitchen, he could hear that the small television on the counter was on. Leo was in the news again. Leo, a mysterious masked vigilante, had captured the leader of a drug cartel earlier in the day and the media had pounced on the story. Ulysses’ dad didn’t seem too happy with Leo but Ulysses thought he was cool. He had read the Kat Kommando comics and wanted to be a vigilante too.

    Suddenly his mother fell down. Startled, Ulysses went over to her. “Mommy?” he said, her eyes were closed and she was not moving. Worried, he went over to the phone and dialed 911. “Hello?” said a she kat on the other side of the line. Ulysses wasted no time. “My mommy has fallen down and she… she” suddenly he started crying. “We’ve got your location”, said the she kat, “we’re sending an ambulance right now”.

    Several minutes later paramedics had reached the house and had put Ulysses mom onto a stretcher. His dad arrived in an Enforcer cruiser. Ulysses was still crying. Ulysses dad leaned down and hugged his son. “Be strong Ulysses” he said. Ulysses was sniffling as he stopped crying. “Okay daddy” he replied.

    Later that day, Ulysses mother died. The doctor said it was something called meningitis. For the next week Ulysses would quietly cry himself to sleep every night.

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