After looking at my shelf full of Disney Adventures magazines and frequently consulting them for Forever 16 ideas, it dawned on me that I still have a whole heck of a lot to say about the stuff within these pages. So I decided, what the hell, let's open the archive back up! My goal is to do one of these every week. It's gonna be a little awkward to resume this series, since the new forum layout cuts off wide images, but I figure you can just right-click and select "View" to see each page by itself. To kick things off again, I chose a milestone issue - November 1991, the first anniversary issue! How old is this issue? Michael Jordan still had hair. Now that's old. The early '90s seemed to be something of a trading card boom - you could slap pretty much anything on a 2x4 inch card and call it "collectible" and kids would snap it up by the millions. There's pretty much no end to the trading card ads in this issue, as you'll see. What was my biggest adventure? Well, this one time, I saw a blimp. Michael Jordan was a pretty busy guy in 1991, to put it mildly - too busy even for a Disney Adventures interview. So I guess it's more accurate to say you're going "one on one" with his PR guys. Yes, before "Dancing With the Stars", before "Celebrity Boxing", before "Rachel and Guy's Celebrity Cook-Off", people were still deriving entertainment from watching famous people do things they have no idea how to do. "Homer at the Bat" underwent a couple of rewrites between press time and when it aired the following February - instead of hooking up with Mrs. Krabappel, Jose Canseco ended up running in and out of a burning building, which I think was a lot funnier. "The dryer goes on the right." Actually, I think the bigger question here is "Why even watch these shows in the first place?" I gotta say, DA had some real cojones to do a "TaleSpin" story where Baloo and Kit get kidnapped by Nazis. And don't even try to tell me these guys aren't Nazis, I can totally tell. Journey to the Center of the Earth! Don't worry, neither Brendan Fraser nor Dwayne Johnson are anywhere to be seen. Years later, Emily Mobley's probably looking at the 127 Hours guy and thinking "Man, I could have had a movie deal! I should have chewed my leg off!" Man, when Sonic the Hedgehog fan art looks better than the official comics, you know you've got some problems. "...Then Coyote battled Roadrunner." There's this big article in the middle about Native Americans and their history, including this sample of a Native American folk tale. I think what really sells it is the illustration of Red Feather shaking his fist in indignation. "Ooh, why if you'd come down here, I'd show you a thing or two, I tell ya!" Crazy Horse: the George S. Patton of the Sioux tribe. "I'm gonna personally scalp that dreamcatcher-hangin' son of a *****!" Then there's this comic about how the Native Americans learned to tame horses, apparently by stealing them from a couple of explorers. Well, the explorers stole the continent from them, so I guess it all balances out to about neutral. Is "volcano chasing" really a viable career option? As far as I know, volcanoes tend to remain fairly stationary. Ewwwww. The really big news here is the first of what would be approximately elevendy-eight-bazillion Darkwing Duck comics over the next five years. This one, though, feels less like Darkwing and more like Daffy - just try and tell me you don't get a "Duck Amuck" vibe from this. If your best friend is a cartoon mouse, it's time to seriously re-evaluate your life decisions. And the trading cards just keep on coming! "Trade you 223 Wesley Crushers for your Captain Picard." Weird collections? I don't know, would you call being 26 years old and owning every issue of Disney Adventures weird? Yes, kids, this is really what computers looked like in 1991. And "Pachookagahbinggeengazort" is pretty much what my old computer sounded like. Right before it exploded. Watching the greatest athletes in the world perform feats of amazing physical strength and endurance while you sit on the couch stuffing your face with M&M's? There's an irony there, to be sure.