All power to the engines, Warp Factor 7, and...engage. It's time for April 1993! This is one of those "iconic" DA covers. Though "Star Trek: The Next Generation" was in its next-to-last season at this point; I don't know why they waited until now to do a cover story on it. As demonstrated here, candy is the essential cornerstone of all human mating rituals. "What can I do if I'm worried about the rainforest?" Well, you could go on and on about how something needs to be done and then continue to not do anything. That's what everyone else does. This month's Slang Patrol sounds like it came from a Frankie Avalon movie. Get ready for the bettys 'cause the bettys are ready for you. Coming soon to theaters: three movies nobody will remember in 17 years! I find it surprising that Disney still re-released their old animated movies theatrically in the '90s. You'd think that practice would have ended after the advent of home video, but no - I distinctly remember the 1993 re-release of Pinocchio. Burger King had inflatable beach toys based on the movie. I got a blow-up Monstro. Yep. Off we go to where no fan has gone before. I used to think a life in TV was glamorous, until I started reading articles like this and discovered what mind-numbing work it really is. "Scene 1, take 24..." Despite Patrick Stewart getting the cover, the interview goes to LeVar Burton, who's very verbose about everything. Years of hosting "Reading Rainbow" will do wonders for your vocabulary, I guess. Here's a handy fashion guide detailing all the latest looks. Those of you who are too young to remember the '90s may scratch your head at this stuff, and you have every right to. The '90s were all about comfort, not style, so it didn't matter how ugly your flannel shirt looked or how baggy your jeans were. Though personally, I'd still take the grunge look over this decade's hipster movement any day. It's April, so naturally, DA is quick with the April Fools' jokes. This "Goof Troop" comic is filled with over a hundred intentional mistakes, and if you found every single one, you could win a contest. I can tell that they had fun drawing this one. The Big Adventure this month is all about the oceans of the world and the wonders they contain. Like these weird fish, for example. Say, clownfish are pretty cool - they should make a movie about 'em! And while the sea may be fascinating, here's a quick little reminder that it will murder you if it gets the chance. Then there's this article on the DA Orienteering Team. I'm not entirely sure what orienteering is - as far as I can tell, it's basically "capture the flag" on the scale of a national forest. Here's the first of many Lego ads that form an ongoing saga throughout the 1993 issues. I never read these things. I still don't, actually. Joe Rocket: the thrilling exploits of smart people with nothing to do. I will say this, though, between the Big Adventures and Joe Rocket and Weird Yet True, these '90s issues are incredibly informative, and that's what I love about them. You can learn more from just one issue than you'd likely learn from a day in school. Unfortunately, it's all the interesting educational stuff that got dumped as the years went on, which is what makes the '00s issues so annoying. Splash Mountain was new in 1993? Huh, for an attraction based on Song of the South, I would have guessed it had been around since at least the '60s. One of these days, I'm going to go back to Disney World, I swear. I haven't been since 1995 - things have changed quite a lot since then. Part two of a rather boring "Dinosaurs" comic is in this issue. Robbie is running for class president and his opponent is the popular kid whom everyone loves (gosh, never heard this plot before). Of course, to make this a little more prehistoric, the catch is that if Robbie doesn't throw the election, the opponent's dad will eat Earl. I understand this is how Richard Nixon got into office. At one point, the opposing party kidnaps Baby Sinclair. How does that go? About as well as you'd think. Then there's the first half of a two-part "Darkwing Duck" story in which Darkwing is invited to join the Super Power Union and rudely declines. As a result, Mr. Wonderful here (that's really his name) starts foiling more crimes than Darkwing and becomes a media star. But what's the twist? DUN-DUN-DUNNNNN! You know, it always bugs me when I see Looney Tunes promotional art that depicts Taz spinning like this, where the top half of his body is stationary and the bottom half is encased in a tornado. How does that even work? The Cryptkeeper was scary enough as it is. Then Anna Nicole Smith had to go and marry him. The back cover has a rather complicated M&M's maze. Looks like this issue's previous owner had a bit of trouble completing it.