Well, it's been a long time coming, but now that I'm all settled into my new computer, I'm ready to get this thread going again! So let's kick off the archive once more with the long-awaited 10th anniversary issue, November 2000! And believe me, everybody who's anybody is here for this party! Or more accurately, everybody who was anybody at some point in time. Kind of funny to see Macaulay Culkin and the Ninja Turtles reappear on the cover long after they'd stopped being relevant. (Heh, Macaulay Culkin and the Ninja Turtles would make an awesome band name.) What, did they drop them from a plane? Where's PETA when you need 'em? At this time of the year, you'd think Disney would be promoting the hell out of their next animated movie, The Emperor's New Groove. You'd be wrong, of course - as Mars has mentioned before, Disney was mortified at the goofy adventures of Kuzco and company, and pushed 102 Dalmatians as the must-see movie the 2000 holiday season. There's no justice at the Mouse House. "...Well, an A for effort, anyway." I watched a li'l bit of "Digimon" in my day, but the complete cast change in Season 2 really threw me. Judging by the horror stories I've heard about the way Season 2 ended, it's a good thing I didn't get attached to these characters. And here's where the party starts!...And to be honest, it's kind of pedestrian. The editors went the clip show route, reprinting notable excerpts and interesting tidbits from ten years' worth of articles. The real highlight is the timeline along the bottom of the pages that chronicles everything that was hip. Being the geek I am, I can't help but notice that they goofed up right off the bat; the Nicktoons premiered in August 1991, not 1990. Boy, I sure hope somebody got fired for that blunder. That kitten who climbed the Matterhorn - how come he doesn't have a movie based on his exploits yet? Get the guys who did Homeward Bound on the horn, maybe they can catch lightning in a bottle again. Pogs came out in 1991? I only remember them from 1995, after which I never saw them again. I live in Massachusetts and I've never heard anybody talk about the Dover Demon. Neighboring Rhode Island used to have a monster, though. His name was John Alpert, he owned a furniture store, and he had the LOUDEST VOICE I'VE EVER HEARD. "ALPERT'S, ROUTE 6 IN SEEKONK!" Yeah, as if I wasn't creeped out enough by bees before, now I learn that they've got hairy eyes. They've got fur but they aren't mammals, they fly despite physics saying it's impossible - and they keep getting trapped in my damn bedroom window! These freaks of nature need to be stopped! I wonder if the Olsen twins, longtime DA readers that they are, remember being slammed for their live tour in the January 1994 issue. That was hilarious. I've also heard that wearing sunglasses while cutting onions will prevent the tears. And you look cool, too. The timeline is starting to reach now. Seriously, Gordy? Nobody remembered that movie even when it was in theaters. Also, Billy Madison? Not a kids' movie. Motorboating, huh?...You know what, I'm not even gonna go there. Moving on. I still can't believe it took M&M's that long to induct blue into their rainbow. Now it just seems common, but back then, I remember it was a huge deal. Carlton on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" was particularly wrought-out about it. "Has the world gone mad?" "Want a piece of milk?" I wonder who translated for Satoshi and Pikachu's birthday greeting there. If it was someone from 4Kids, they probably got it wrong. Also, Happy Gilmore? NOT A KIDS' MOVIE. I never thought I'd say this, but Michael Eisner is right. Disney Adventures really did do young readers a great service by bringing them such awesome adventures for ten years. It makes their last seven years look that much more pathetic by comparison. Also, Austin Powers? NOT A KIDS'...ah, you get the idea. Oh, and insert Tiger Woods joke here. Nobody's Angel apparently loved their comic so much, they needed to underline it three times. Nice to know somebody liked the Music 2000 issue. (Which is coming up in this thread, by the way.) So I guess if I got sick from eating too much chocolate, that technically counts as Montezuma's Revenge. ...Tough to segue into something nice about the late Roy Disney after that tasteless joke. Well, the guy was awesome anyway. "A peanut is neither a pea nor a nut!...Oh, wait, it is a nut." Booyah! In your face, Franklin Sherman! Also, I guess now we know where John Madden got the idea for the turducken. Party's over, folks! You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here! On to the video game section, where a handy-dandy Cosmo-style quiz tells you what kind of gamer you are. And once again, the tip they provide for the Pokémon game is totally worthless. Everyone knows hitting B stops your Pokémon's evolution - why not tell us something about the breeding center or shinies or something important? Jeez... Oh, and who's Eggbert? I guess they meant Egghead. In spite of my rabid Pokémon fanaticism when I was a stupid little kid, I never went this far. But I came pretty close. Ironically, "3-D Artist Wanted: No Experience Necessary" is actually what the first want ad for DreamWorks said. Thank you, I'll be here all week. "And that creepy little girl who wrote a fanzine about vampires grew up to be...Stephenie Meyer. And now you know the rest of the story! I'm Paul Harvey." Ugh. "Gottus Catchemus Allus"? Hey, Nintendo of America, kissus my assus. I think Large Marge did it much better, don't you? This issue is also noteworthy for featuring the debut appearance of Little Gloomy. Sorry if I'm reopening any old wounds here, Mr. Walker. The one thing about Gloomy that I think threw me was that stuff just kind of happened, and the characters were always just like "Whatever." It was a very sarcastic series overall. But if anything can outdo my indifference toward "Little Gloomy", it's my hatred of "Jet Pack Pets". This month, Dr. Scratchansniff here invents a three-story Halloween costume that runs on "the power of Halloween" (what?) and comes to life and terrorizes a Halloween party, and gah, I'm so very tired. And we close out with yet another futile attempt to make model rocketry look badass. I imagine this is what Mark McGwire looked like when he was 12.