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Teen Titans Fan Fiction Slipped Pieces. A Teen Titan fic. Hope you like!

Discussion in 'The Story Board' started by Pookey, Dec 12, 2004.

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Should I quit this fic and move on?

  1. Yesh! i beg of u to stop and let us live (i recomend this option -feels glare- shutting up...)

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. Eh ya its a good fic but ill deal if it is stopped (-opens mouth and gets smack then shuts mouth aga

    16.7%
  3. AH ur quitting? but this is great no u must keep writting it!

    33.3%
  4. NO U MUST KEEP WRITING WE WILL DIE W/O THIS FIC!

    50.0%
  1. Matt A

    Matt A Smile. Or Else.

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    A scene that does emotional without getting cute: a rare treat indeed, even from Pookey, the champion of emotional scenes!:anime: :anime: :anime:

    Ta,
    Matt A
     
  2. starfire0639

    starfire0639 Active Member

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    ...You go girl!...-cough-And Pooky you hear that!?Your the champion of emotional scenes!!!!!Woot woot!...Well give me some tips on how to do that cus I'm not sure if I am right:crying: But of the subject of me...like there is ever anything else to talk about:D That chapter...altho short...-I'm gonna get smacked for that-But it did rock!I like how you do the whole Raven thang......Thang....-giggles-



    Ash-meister...I'm me again!
     
  3. ShadowOfAGhost

    ShadowOfAGhost Computer Geek

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    Allright, I don't have much time, but i will say this...

    1. I am reading this story, currently just finished chapter 11
    2. You are doing very well with this.
    3. It is hard to find a good romance story like this, and even harder to find one so well written... but to find one of this quality (though the fight sceens and grammer and spelling need some work) is next to imposible. You do great with portraying what you want to say through a perfect balance of dialogue and description.
    in short, EXCELENT WORK!!!
     
  4. Anime

    Anime Member

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    Pookey delivers another wallop!

    I seriously think you should mess with the relationships. Like, if the show says Robin/Star, then spice it up with someone else, have Star go after BB (anyone remember Forces of Nature?)

    You write emotion very well.

    Pookey!!!!!:p
     
  5. Pookey

    Pookey Member

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    thanks Anime...but one thing...Star and BB??? ummmmmm dont see it, -looks again- nope nothing still....now mess w/ relationships Sure i can do that BUT in another fic..i knwo where this ones going and none of you do ne ne:p but sure thing i can do emotion tugs...ill keep that in mide for my next fc....but not b/w the team..i start twitching madly...
     
  6. PressureCooker

    PressureCooker has nothing for nothing

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    :eek: Gaah? Wha? How the...?:eek:

    *fidget* Ummm... *fidget* Seriously... Haven't you ever heard of the 11th commandment? "Thou shall have no other pairing for Starfire except Robin" ? Congress passes these things for a reason and we all have to follow them.

    May God have mercy on you soul!:evil:
     
  7. PressureCooker

    PressureCooker has nothing for nothing

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    By the way, Anime...

    Please note that we are only voicing our opinions. What ever you do in your fic is cool. Besides, thats why it's called a "fiction" ... because it will never happen!:evil:

    But seriously, new ideas are cool to me. Even if the do make me twitch.

    *twitch-twitch*:anime:
     
  8. ShadowOfAGhost

    ShadowOfAGhost Computer Geek

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    I'm up to date now, so you may want to do some more writing. [​IMG] You know that I will pester you to no end if you don't hurry. [​IMG]


    one of the main things that I am seeing you do a lot in your writing is that you are bing very redundant and over elaborating. for example:

    The things I highlighted in red are things that you may want to look at. some of them are redundancies, and others are run on sentences. you also need to make sure that when you write something, you choose the best wording for it possible. Try reading it outloud and then see how it sounds. One particular example was the last thing that I highlighted, "Both of them didn't notice". Instead you could have tried something like "neither of them noticed". Many times after quotations, you put long descriptions of the corresponding action. It tends to sound a little strained. Like when you said "As Raven finished Starfire looked up with a new hope in her eyes.". That is stretched out a bit too far. You may want to divide that into two sentences, like saying "as Raven finished, Starfire looked up. There was a new sense of hope in her eyes."


    things like that. One of the best things to do is to read what you write outloud. It is the best way for you to get an idea of what sounds the best and what could use more work. Overall though, you are doing well. :cool:


    Rest in peace Alex and Ransom.
     
  9. Pookey

    Pookey Member

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    Hehe I have a ch!! YA!! As I said before I love u guys soo much and thanks for helping me and waiting soo long for this! And…..AHHH!!! ASH I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT!!!! AHHH!!! Ok im good now…AHH!!...ya im done, -coughs- ya so anyway….heres the next ch guys!! And I made sure that the end was just right for it, but don’t fret I am working on the new ch as you all are reading this one, haha I am so smart!! that and i feel bad thats its so short so thats another reason im working on the new one so quickly...:sweat:







    Ch 28 ‘Don’t Scream’



    “Ahh!” Robin lifted his head up to see who had screamed. It sounded like a cry of pain.



    “Ah! No, Please Stop!!” The voice yelled even louder. Robin tried to break his bonds to help the voice but he had no strength. He had only been there a few weeks and was already thinking up an escape plan. They had tortured him and beaten him senseless and Robin, the formally strong and heroic leader of the Teen Titans, was just a puppet in this mad mans game.



    Robin heard footsteps coming closer to his cell, as they grew louder Robin tried to break free even harder.



    “Well, well, well…What do we have here? Trying to escape? Ha pathetic, you are almost as bad as little Starry was….hmm now that I think of it you are in need of some ‘special treatment’ soon. Oh don’t worry it won’t hurt…much.” Riles laughed as he watched Robin grit his teeth.



    “What did you do to her?” Robin hissed as he pulled on his chains. Riles scoffed at the teen and began to walk away. “Tell Me!” Robin yelled as he lurched forward only to be yanked backwards.



    “Tell you...hmm I have a better idea.” Riles smirked. He waved his hand and a long metal rod flew into his hand. “Instead of telling you…why don’t I show you?” Riles smiled wide and Robin gulped but his face showed no fear.



    ‘How did she survive all of this?’ Robin thought as the rod was brought closer to him. Before it touched him electricity sparked on the tip and a jolt shot through Robin’s body. He bit his tongue and he lurched backwards but the rod was pushed into his skin. Robin tried not to scream in pain.



    “Oh, does that hurt? I am dreadfully sorry. Here let me turn that down for you.” Riles pressed a button on the rod’s base and the sparks grew. Robin balled his fists and shut his eyes as the current of electricity went throughout his body, but not a sound emitted from his lips.



    “Not screaming? I do love it when my victims scream. It gives me some sort of tingling feeling inside. It is quiet enjoyable if I do say so myself.” Riles waved his hand around in a dramatic state as he watched Robin jolt backwards to escape the torture, but Riles pushed the rod deeper into Robin’s skin and turned the power up once more. Robin gritted his teeth in pain, doing everything in his power not to yell, but then the pain stopped. Robin collapsed onto the floor in relief, breathing hard.



    “I am dreadfully sorry my dear boy but it seems that I must leave for the moment, but don’t worry. I’ll be back for more fun soon.” Robin looked up and saw Riles turn and leave with two monster guards.



    All he heard the guards say to the retreating villain was that some sort of ship was heading towards the planet…and something about a returning prisoner was aboard that ship.
     
  10. ShadowOfAGhost

    ShadowOfAGhost Computer Geek

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    YAY! Awsome new chapter! you did a lot better with that one than you did with past chapters. good job!
     
  11. Matt A

    Matt A Smile. Or Else.

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    Oh my god, Riles is a psychopath!:eek: :eek: :eek:

    But the Titans are coming to kick his arse, so all is (mostly) well anyway.:anime:

    Matt A,
    The Sultan Of Shock
     
  12. RavenofAzerath~

    RavenofAzerath~ military brat :b

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    nice, Robin getting tortured.....scary how i like this chapter. He diddnt scream, easy way not to is to bite your tounge. If that dosent work, ya know how sometimes you sing so high you dont hear anything, do that. anyway, i want to know about the other ship!!

    RoA~
    Now Crazy
     
  13. Pookey

    Pookey Member

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    Ok short But needed…I didn’t want to tell what happens in space in this ch…it would have been weird…That and I want to have another Robin ch next soooo enjoy this tiny piece from moi and…..FOAMY hahahaha!!!!





    Ch 29 ‘Off We Go!’



    “Cyborg, Get over here now! We’ve got a situation and if you don’t come I’ll come over there and make you! Got it?!” Raven shut her communicator before he could respond and stormed to her room just as Beast Boy was walking into the living room.



    “Hey….Raven?” She ignored the teen and continued on her way. “Uhh…Did I miss something?” Beast Boy asked Starfire who was looking out the window.



    “Raven has been trying to contact Cyborg for the last half hour but he is not responding.” Starfire turned to see the green teen walking over to her.



    “How ‘bout I go get him? I think that will take a load off Raven and your shoulders.” Beast Boy smiled at his friend and Starfire hugged him tight.



    “Oh thank you Beast Boy!”



    “Ehh…no problem….Star….air…” Starfire let the boy go and he started to the door to leave.



    “I’ll be back a-sap ok…Tell Raven not to worry her pretty little head off. See Ya.” Beast Boy changed into a falcon and flew off to the Titans East Tower. Starfire was confused at what Beast Boy wanted to tell Raven for him, but she made her way to the Goth’s room anyway.





    “He said what?” Raven said monotonly



    “He said for you not to worry your pretty little head off and that he was on his way to fetch Cyborg.” Starfire repeated. Raven blushed slightly and nodded her head.



    “Well…did he say when he was coming back?”



    “No he did not…” Just then both girls heard a door slam and quickly ran to the living room



    “Who’s there?!” Raven yelled as she and Starfire powered up excepting an intruder.



    “Whoa whoa! Easy there, it’s just us!” Cyborg called back and Raven powered up even more.



    “Cyborg! Beast Boy!” Starfire dropped to the ground and ran over to the boys.



    “Heh heh, your not mad at me Raven…are ya?” Cyborg walked cautiously over to the angered girl.



    “I would take that as a yes and back away Sparky.” Bumblebee spoke out of no where.



    “Bumblebee!” Starfire shouted with glee.



    “Yep, just wanted to help you all out. I heard what happened and I was trying to rush Sparky over here but the T-ship kinda…had an accident. But don’t worry, we fixed it all up and we can head out anytime you need to.” Bumblebee calmed Raven down as she explained.



    “Well…before we can go…Starfire wanted to tell you all something…Star…” Beast Boy let Starfire have the floor.



    “Thank you Beast Boy…Friends, I am more than glad to have you all come along and help but when we see Riles…please let me handle him...I…I do not want any more of my friends hurt because of his cruelty.” Starfire sniffed but held back her oncoming tears.



    “It’s ok Star….We will help you as much as we can…”



    “Ya, greenies right…for once…”



    “Shut Up Tin Man!” Beast Boy and Cyborg started to yell at each other and Raven and Bumblebee shook their heads as Starfire smiled.



    “Let’s leave now before they start thrashing the Tower.”



    “Good idea Bee.” Raven picked up both boys with her powers and brought them to the T-ship. Starfire took on more look around the empty Tower before walking to garage with everyone else.



    “Don’t worry Robin…We are coming…”
     
  14. PressureCooker

    PressureCooker has nothing for nothing

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    Yes... short but needed is right. Kinda like A girl I know... but anyways. I'm glad to get another chapter from you. But truth be told, I'm really on the edge of my seat wanting to know what happens next. Uh oh... feeling faint *falls off edge of the chair*;)

    Your fan,

    The Cooker
     
  15. Matt A

    Matt A Smile. Or Else.

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    My thoughts exactly!:anime: :anime: :anime:

    Matt A,
    The Grand Vizier Of Shock
     
  16. PressureCooker

    PressureCooker has nothing for nothing

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    Wait... you know a girl who is short but needed too? Wait, how do you know her? Hmmm... *crosses arms and taps foot nervously* Well, I'll have to have a little talk with her. And you, Grand Vizier... stay away from my girl! Heh, just messing around. Sorry, nothing to see here!:D Yup, just some spam!;)
     
  17. Matt A

    Matt A Smile. Or Else.

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    Umm...I was referring to this:

    But I know that you already knew that, so I'll just shut up now. Umm...:sweat: :sweat: :sweat: :sweat: :sweat:

    -Matt A-
     
  18. Anime

    Anime Member

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    I agree, Poookey. Major Suspense.;)
     
  19. starfire0639

    starfire0639 Active Member

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    ...Why'd you end it like that!?......UGh now I gotta go sulk cus you left me on that final suspensful note.......Damn you Pooky!....Oh well.Post your next chapter soon and this time....I'll reply on time:sweat:
     
  20. RavenofAzerath~

    RavenofAzerath~ military brat :b

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    nice......erg................ok, now i can feel how hard it is to concentrate when the tv is on and its something you like.


    ha ha....guess what i'm watching..

    When there's trouble you know what to do!!

    Call Cyborg!

    He can shoot a rocket from his shoe!!

    Cause he's Cyborg!

    Na na na na something like that.. Oh Yeah! Na na na na big fluffy cat, thats right!!

    RoA~
    Barely Sane
     

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