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Scenes From A Hat: Theme Park Attractions That Wouldn't Last Long

Discussion in 'Fun & Games' started by Hero Ponchin, May 26, 2012.

  1. Hero Ponchin

    Hero Ponchin Hai Hai!

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    Summer is once again upon us, and with it, opportunities to go to theme parks in Los Angeles and Orlando. In celebration, I've created a list of theme parks that didn't make the cut:
    The Unfinished Roller Coaster​

    [
    Operating at 300,400,768 mph! ​
    It's A Small World:2012 Edition​

    Disney's beloved ride has been updated for modern audiences! Responding to constant complaints that the famed and long-running It's A Small World attraction was overtly childish and milquetoast, the Walt Disney Corporation has revealed that this summer, the river will become a wild and furious rapids ride with a 20,000,000 foot waterfall drop, the international children will be branding gaitling guns and cherry bombs, and starving, lethal anacondas now infest the murky waters. Now, the real fun comes from surviving this horrific ordeal, as not everyone makes it out alive. ​
    A History of Fast-Food Cashiers: The Ride​

    Self-explanatory. Also was a musical!​
     
    #1 Hero Ponchin, May 26, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 26, 2012
  2. Hero Ponchin

    Hero Ponchin Hai Hai!

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    Um, why hasn't anybody replied to this? Does no one notice this exists?
     
  3. Jmill

    Jmill Person

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    Smash Mountain!

    From NBCUniversal, enjoy a slick water ride while watching the story of NBC's hit series. From the thrill of auditions to the panic of first previews, witness what goes on behind the scenes of Broadway.
     
  4. Destiny of Awe

    Destiny of Awe Should update a lot of things

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    The Merry-go-All-Around!

    Enjoy this thrilling version of a MERRY-GO-ROUND! Just like your average carosel, but WITH MUCH MORE! Loop-de-loops, corkscrews, you name it! All at the speed of ONE MILE PER HOUR!
    THAT'S RIGHT, ONE MILE PER HOUR! And to top it off, there are no SEAT BELTS! It'll be the ride of your life!

    LITERALLY!

    NOTE: WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY IDIOTS WHO DECIDE TO RIDE THIS.

     
  5. Aquadementia

    Aquadementia That's a lot of Mulaney!
    Staff Member Moderator

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    These rides are brought to you by the letter "U"

    The YouTube of Fame

    In this thrilling ride is a plunge through a tunnel where you quickly experience 100,000 tiny hits only for it to slow down on the way out as bruised and battered riders pass windows where snot-nosed animatronic viewers make comments like "boooooring," "derivative" and "dislike."



    The U-Turn

    After a two hours wait in line you get to ride a cart half way around a 10 foot diameter circular track where you get out and head back the way you came to what was hopefully a better ride.
     
  6. Hero Ponchin

    Hero Ponchin Hai Hai!

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    Here's some more:
    Nuclear Waste Facility Playground​

    Now your son is 22 percent less likely to grow five extra arms from this! ​


    The Politically Correct Pirates of the Caribbean​

    Again, self explanatory.​


    Super Climb!​

    Do you know about those rides in which you get on this seat in where you slowly go up, but speed back down? This is the inverse of that. You quickly zoom up upon a rickety wooden railway that quickly ends when you've successfully left the Earth's gravitational pull. Oh, and to add a bit of tension, the wooden railway is set on fire every time someone rides.​
     

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