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Teen Titans Fan Fiction Raven: The Nest (C)

Discussion in 'The Story Board' started by Alpha Man, Feb 11, 2005.

?

What should I write next?

  1. Prequel (Jeff's past)

    1 vote(s)
    5.0%
  2. Sequel

    19 vote(s)
    95.0%
  1. Alpha Man

    Alpha Man Raven in a Bikini? Brilliant!

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    [FONT=Times New Roman, Times, serif]
    Raven: The Nest
    by Alpha Man

    Chapter 1

    Cold.

    Shivers.

    Raven awoke to the feeling of immense cold. It was snowing outside. Raven's breath could be seen, like a puff of cloud emitting from her mouth. The puff afterward faded away. Then another one followed.

    Is anyone else awake? She thought. I really need to start wearing pants.

    Her hands were sweating, yet still cold. Somehow, Raven was always cold.
    Raven decided to go into the living room. It was pitch black. Everyone in Titans' Tower was asleep. Raven looked outside at the snowflakes falling like tiny pieces of dandeloins that you blow and make a wish with.

    The snowflakes danced in the wind. They made motions of circles and figure eights. Raven was calm now, but her breath could still be seen. She was still cold.

    Raven felt tired, and she thought she should mediate. Perhaps it would convince her body to go back to bed.

    Sound mind, sound body. Azarath Metrion Zinthos.

    Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos...


    ---


    Morning soon came.

    "Raven? What are you doing up?"

    Raven yawned. "I was mediating, Cyborg... I must have fallen asleep."

    "You look like you could use the rest. How 'bout some waffles?"

    "Thanks. But I'm not hungry."

    "You need to eat something! You're so dang skinny!"

    Raven didn't smile.

    "Oh glorious! Some of my friends have already awakened!"

    "Hey, Star." Cyborg said

    "Starfire, aren't you cold?"

    "What?"

    "Cold. Y'know... uh... can describe it." Raven hesitated

    "Do you mean the body's reaction to a low temperature?"

    "Sure."

    "On my planet, we do not feel such... or if we do, it is to much lower temperatures than this."

    "Beast Boy has arrived!" Beast Boy exclaimed as he practiced his air guitar.

    Raven's head suddenly hurt terribly. She clenched it with both hands. She screamed,
    then moaned. Everyone was startled.

    "Raven, are you okay?" Cyborg asked

    "It's nothing... I just need to be alone... tell Robin I went out."

    "Oh-kay!" Beast Boy chuckled

    ---


    Raven was outside now. Small, tiny snowflakes landed on her. She outstreched her hand, and let the snowflakes fall on it. They soon disappeared after landing.

    Raven felt better. In the sun now, she was not quite so cold. But the snow did not make it easier.

    She used her powers of levitation to fly around the city. It was quite soothing. She noticed that the water had completely froze.

    Raven landed where a once green park had turned white... with some yellow spots here and there.

    She noticed that small footprints had been left in the snow. These footprints where not one foot in front of the other. They were made in pairs. Some animal had been hopping through the snow, and leaving its thumb-size footprints. Raven guessed it was probably a squirrel. The footprints led to a tree, with a hole in it. Raven saw two little eyes in the darkness. Raven called to it, very gently, like a mother.

    "C'mon. I won't hurt you."

    The squirrel stuck its head out, hesitatingly. When it saw Raven's smile, kind eyes, it decided to come out. The squirrel pranced up to Raven, who lowered her hand.

    When it had jumped onto her hand, Raven immediately knew it was a boy.

    "So... did you miss the bus? Or are you still looking for a place to spend the winter?"

    The squirrel rubbed its eyes, and then shivered.

    "Yeah, I'm cold too."

    Raven and the squirrel were startled by the loud sounding alarm on Raven's cloak. The squirrel scurried away in fear.

    "Sorry! I didn't mean to..."

    Raven sighed. She opened up her communicator.

    It was Robin.
    [/FONT]
     
    #1 Alpha Man, Feb 11, 2005
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 8, 2006
  2. Raven37

    Raven37 Member

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    1st post! Yay! Anyways, great start! I love Raven-based fics, and seeing this is one, I will probably enjoy this.;) Please post more!:D

    -Raven37
     
  3. Alpha Man

    Alpha Man Raven in a Bikini? Brilliant!

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    er, thanks Raven37!

    is it not as good a start as Raven: Bloodline, by Agent S7? :crying:

    well, at least you replied. maybe i was too descriptive and allegorical for you. sorry.
     
  4. Raven37

    Raven37 Member

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    It was very, very, very, good! I'm just not as hyper right now as when I posted on AgentS7's fic. I'm really tired right now because I am sick.:shrug: :sad: I'd definitely say it was an AWESOME start and can't wait for more!!!:D


    -Raven37
     
  5. Aquagirl15

    Aquagirl15 Heaven's not enough

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    I liked this a lot. You're using a lot of description and that's a good thing!! It's hard to use too much descrpition really. I too like Raven-based fics so I'll enjoy this one very much. The onlt thing that I see that coud be worked on is the spacing. It's a little confusing because you space where you don't need to. Other than that keep up the good work! :D
     
  6. Alpha Man

    Alpha Man Raven in a Bikini? Brilliant!

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    Yay! I feel better!:anime:
    Hope you do to, Raven37!;)
    Thanks for being so supportive!!
    I think I'll write chapter two now...
     
  7. Alpha Man

    Alpha Man Raven in a Bikini? Brilliant!

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    Got it. Spacing. Right.:)
     
  8. Raven13

    Raven13 Yes please.

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    So pretty mush you are saying that this is not good Alpha Man? Now that is where you are wrong! This is EXCELENT!!!!!!! I love it! The details are Wonderful and your grammer is very good! Better than some people when they first start writting a story! i really like it soo far though! Please continue writting!!!!:D O and........

    WELCOME TO TOON ZONE and THE WORLD'S FINEST WRITTING CORNER!

    I like it alot though please write more SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D :anime: :)

    ~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

     
  9. Lady Lightfire

    Lady Lightfire ummmmm...

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    Nice start. You do have description, that's good. Just a question, but wouldn't be colder outside? I live in northern Minnesota, and it gets really cold. If they have snow it would have to be below freezing. Where do the Titans live? Now I've confused myself. Hmmmmm...
    Great start, keep writing!:)

    Welcome to the World's Finest!:D
     
  10. Alpha Man

    Alpha Man Raven in a Bikini? Brilliant!

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    Chapter 2
    "Raven, are you okay?"

    Raven's face displayed such a countenance that a vein was bulging from her head. She was mad... or at least, upset.

    Remember, anger is pointless.

    How could Robin do this? How could he be so insensitive? He knew better!

    "Please don't tell me you called just to say that," Raven remarked.

    "No, Raven. I called because there's trouble. Besides, I know better. I wasn't interupting anything, was I?"

    "No... I just had a boy in the palm of my hand."

    "Well, Raven, I received a break-in notice on Fifth and Clarkston. Will you meet us there?"

    "Sure."

    Robin hung up.

    I'm closer to it... why didn't I sense anything? Or at least hear something? Maybe an explosion?

    As Raven flew away, she glanced back at the little hole in the tree. Two little eyes still peered out in the darkness.

    ---
    Raven arrived at the crime scene before any of the Titans. It seemed whoever was doing this, was doing it rather sloppy, for the trail was easily uncovered. They were robbing an antique store.

    A gigantic and bulky man, covered in body armor, exited the shop. Alarm bell ringing, he was carrying a small box.

    "Oh great. The Teen Titans. I don't have time to deal with... hey, wait a minute. Where's the rest of you heroes?"

    "Don't worry, I'll handle you."

    The gigantic man chuckled, "Think you can handle the Rampage?"

    Raven began, her voice remaining monotone, "Rampage, huh? I have a feeling you're strong... but dumb."

    "We'll just see how dumb I am when you're street pizza!!"

    "Good one," Raven replied, not smiling at all.

    Rampage then used his free hand to grap a light post and hurl it at Raven, who chanted, "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!"

    The light post stopped in mid-air, surrounded by negative energy. Negative being black, outlined in white.

    Rampage had already taken off, but he was slow.

    Raven used her powers to lift him off the ground, then bring him crashing down.

    The box escaped Rampage's grasp, "No! (grunt)"

    Raven picked up the box, Rampage slowly getting to his feet. She looked inside. There was a large key. Raven recognized it, somehow.

    As Raven was about to touch it, it bringing back so many memories of Azareth. Memories she never knew she had. She thought of--

    (clunk)

    Raven dropped the box. The key fell out.

    Raven dropped to the ground.

    Rampage had thrown a piece of concrete at her. Her head was bleeding.

    He stood over her, raised his arms, and formed fists.
     
    #10 Alpha Man, Feb 11, 2005
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 9, 2006
  11. rrarbecy

    rrarbecy I'm Back!

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    "I really need to start wearing pants." That was a great line. The story looks promising. I can't wait to see where you go with it.

    Chapter 2: "I just had a boy in the palm of my hand." Another great line. That was good, although the "name-game" seemed kind of out of character. Now what will happen?
     
  12. Alpha Man

    Alpha Man Raven in a Bikini? Brilliant!

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    Well, Raven made a joke. It happens.
     
    #12 Alpha Man, Feb 11, 2005
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 11, 2005
  13. rrarbecy

    rrarbecy I'm Back!

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    true
     
  14. DKH

    DKH Member

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    First off, Welcome.

    From the looks of things you started off the same way I did. Coming to this forum to give off this idea of a cool story. This story is good and is turning out better. Maybe you can get 200 posts like I did. I never saw that coming.

    Here's a tip. Be sure to give your crowd what it wants. It worked for me.
     
  15. Alpha Man

    Alpha Man Raven in a Bikini? Brilliant!

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    Chapter 3

    A car's speed increased. 50... 60... 70... 75... A foot was on the ground, a peddle between it. The engine roared.

    Though morning, the brights were still effective.

    Rampage blinked. He should not have.

    The car hit Rampage head on, sending him into a wall and through it, several walls in fact.

    A boy got out of the steaming car. He rushed toward Raven.

    She moaned in pain. Blood stained the snow-covered ground.

    The boy held her head in his hands. Took off his first layer shirt, and used it to stop the bleeding.

    Raven opened her eyes.

    Fuzzy.

    Can't see...

    Seconds later, she noticed a boy over her. Blond hair. Smiling.

    Raven finally came to.

    "Who are you?"

    "I'm Jeff."

    "Ouch! My head." Raven moaned.

    "We'd better get out of here before Mr. Big and Tall comes back."

    He helped Raven up.

    Now Raven got a good look at this boy, this 'good samaritan.' He was about her height and age, thin, moderately thin, and semi-attractive. Raven was not interested.

    He probably doesn't work out. Not an athlete.

    "Thanks for the help, my friends are--"

    Rampage threw back the wall(s) that was holding him, across the street.

    Cyborg's Van pulled up. The Titan's got out.

    "Titans, Go!" Robin exclaimed.

    "The key..." Rampage muttered.

    Starfire flew swiftly toward him, trying to lay one incredibly powerful punch.

    She missed.

    Apparently, when standing, Rampage is faster than he looks.

    Rampage countered Starfire's attack. The blow sent her into car. She entered it without opening the door.

    Cyborg charged his sonic cannon. This could lay him out.

    Robin and Beast Boy charged. Robin hurling explosive discs at him, and Beast Boy turned into a charging rhino.

    The discs didn't work, but Beast Boy made Rampage step back. Rampage gripped BB by his horn and threw him at Starfire.

    Robin, in an effort to save her, leapt with all his might... could his grappling birdarang make it?

    Cyborg's cannon was charged. Rampage lifted one foot. Stomped.

    The impact set Cyborg off balance. The sonic cannon was not aimed at its target.

    It was aimed at Raven.

    Jeff noticed this and moved Raven out of the way. She was still dizzy.

    Rampage began to trot slowly... then his trot went into a jog... then into a light run... then into a charge...

    Cyborg tried to tackle him, but in this charge, this rampage, he could not be stopped!

    Cyborg groaned as he was knocked away. He fell toward Raven.

    "Hmpf. How do we stop this guy?" Cyborg puffed

    "You have to catch him off guard, in this state, he is not." Jeff replied

    "How do you know?"

    "I was sent to stop him."

    Raven moaned, "Do you have any powers?"

    Jeff chuckled, "Uh... no."

    "What!?"

    "I'm just an ordinary kid, no powers."

    It was as this time that Rampage realized that he should bring the fight to them.

    "Hey, robo-guy. Do you have any attachments to your car?"

    "It's Cyborg. And yes, I do."

    "Then I suggest you close your eyes."
     
    #15 Alpha Man, Feb 11, 2005
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2005
  16. Aquagirl15

    Aquagirl15 Heaven's not enough

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    Both chapters very nice but you could improve on length. Chapters two and three could have been made into one chapter. But that's just a side note, at the speed you're updating it won't matter as long as you keep this up. :D

    P.S. Lady Lightfire the titans live in California. ;)
     
  17. Alpha Man

    Alpha Man Raven in a Bikini? Brilliant!

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    Didn't know that.:sad: :confused:

    I'm still going to keep it snowy for the time being, if that's ok.
     
  18. DKH

    DKH Member

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    Yeah, I thought that they were in Gotham.

    Isn't the city called Jump City?

    Is it a fictional Los Angelos or San Fransisco?

    I can't tell.
     
  19. rrarbecy

    rrarbecy I'm Back!

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    The comics were based in San Fran, but they created Jump City for the cartoon. Wait a minute. Did they actually ever say "Jump City" in the show?
     
  20. DKH

    DKH Member

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    I know. I used "Jump City." Because it was called that once or twice in this place.
     

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