EWJ: The Seven Tortures of Doom (fanfic)

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  1. Matt Grisham

    Matt Grisham New Member

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    This is my latest EWJ fanfic that I have worked on with a friend of mine. Click below.
    http://jefimusprime.deviantart.com/

    Summary: Psycrow sends the heroic duo to be terrified by The Seven Tortures of Doom, while Princess What's-Her-Name is on her way to rescue them.

    Earthworm Jim © Doug TenNapel/NBCUniversal
    All other characters and songs belong to their respective owners.

    Enjoy!
    --------------------------


    Fade in. Earthworm Jim and Peter Puppy are locked in their prison cell. We see a poster of the Donald Duck cartoon short "Daddy Duck" on the other side.

    Narrator: We join our heroes Earthworm Jim and his faithful sidekick Peter Puppy as they are prisoners of..........Daddy Duck?

    Jim faces the poster of the cartoon short.

    Jim: Daddy! Why are you doing this to...(breaks down crying)...us?!!!!!

    Peter: Jim. Daddy Duck's not a villian. It's just a cartoon short that you've watched. It might be somebody else who's imprisoning us.

    Jim: Oh. You're right. Well, if "Daddy Duck" was a cartoon short. Then, who locked us up?

    An onmonius voice: I did!

    It was Wizzo, the world's first cartoon. Jim is shocked.

    Jim: Wizzo! You jealous jerk of a fiend!!!!!

    Wizzo: (in Evil the Cat's voice): No, foolish worm.

    He takes off his mask, revealing him to be Evil the Cat in a cunning disguise.

    Evil the Cat: It's me!

    Jim: Evil the Cat! I should have known! So, what universe destroying scheme have you planned this time?

    Evil the Cat: Nothing. I've come to offer a trade. My crystal ball for your sidekick. (Evil points over to Peter) The dog.

    Jim looked into the eyes of the crystal ball and is distracted by it after Evil got it out, showing it to him.

    Narrator: As Evil got out the crystal ball, Jim looked into the eyes of it and was hypnotized by its bright and vibrant rainbow gradient inside of it. This is not your ordinary crystal ball. It is "The Amazingly Distractive Crystal Ball Rainbow".

    Jim: (hypnotized by the crystal ball) Ooh, the colors!

    Peter: Jim. No! Snap out of it.

    Peter tries snapping his fingers, but it doesn't work. He then cowers in fear.

    Narrator: Just then, a mysterious figure breaks in through the window.

    A duck in a mysterious cloak broke through the window and found Evil the Cat.

    Evil The Cat: What?!!

    The figure clobbers Evil The Cat. He then frees Peter and Jim from their prison cell.

    Jim: Thanks! Oh, kind stranger! But who are you?

    The stranger reveals himself to be...... Donald Duck!

    Jim: Donald Duck? What are you doing here?

    Donald Duck: "Daddy Duck" was one of my earlier cartoons. And besides, this was my house. Evil The Cat locked me and Daisy out before he planned to destroy the universe.

    Jim: Oh. Well, since you saved us from certain doom. I guess.....We'll just be going.

    But then, Donald Duck reveals himself to be Psycrow. He gets out his big flame thrower and aimed it at Jim and Peter.

    Psycrow: (laughs "Ack! Ack!") I got you two cornered!

    Jim: Psycrow? What the heck is going on?!?

    Psycrow: It's "Kill Earthworm Jim" Day.

    He shoots Jim with his flame thrower and laughed cackily

    Cut to theme song
    -------------------------------
    EARTHWORM JIM!
    Through soil he did crawl.
    EARTHWORM JIM!
    A Super-Suit did fall.
    Jim was just a dirt-eating, chewy length of worm flesh,
    But all that came to a crashing end. Oh, Haha...
    EARTHWORM JIM!
    He's such a groovy guy.
    EARTHWORM JIM!
    He rockets through the sky.
    Cruising through the universe, having lots of fun.
    Here comes Earthorm Jim you know that he's the mighty one. LOOK OUT!

    Despite his great big muscles and his really big ray gun,
    Jim is still an Earthworm, but then he's the only one,
    with a super suit to make him really super strong.
    Jim can be a winner if you only sing along.
    THAT'S RIGHT! EARTHWORM JIM!
    We think he's mighty fine.
    EARTHWORM JIM!
    A hero for all time.
    EARTHWORM, EARTHWORM, EARTHWORM, EARTHWORM JIM!
    Hoo-ray for him!

    Guh-roovy!

    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    After the theme song

    Psycrow shoots Jim with his flame thrower and laughed cackily after he is dead, but it turns out to be a video game Peter Puppy is playing.

    Peter: Aw, man. I lost again.

    Snott laughs gurgily. Jim enters his secret headquarters and is curious of what Peter's up to.

    Jim: Hey, fuzz buddy. You still playing video games?

    Peter: Of course I do. I'm 14 in dog years.

    Jim: Wow! And look what I am playing.

    Jim starts playing Pokémon Go! on his phone.

    Peter: That's "Pokemon Go!" on your iPhone.

    Jim: Righty-o!

    Jim puts his iPhone away and brought out his "It's A Small World" CD.

    Jim: And look what I got for our music enjoyment!

    Peter is shocked and scared of the "It's A Small World" CD.

    Peter: No. NOOOOO! (backs away)

    Jim: Yes. YES! That song "It's A Small World" was so good, I've decided to buy a CD of it. Peter! Are you ready to ROCK?

    Peter: I yearn for the sweet embrace of the grave.

    Jim: That's the spirit! (he sidehugs Peter)

    Jim puts on the CD and begins to dance to the song. Snott joins along with him.

    It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
    It's a world of hope and a world of fears


    Peter screams in agony as he covers his ears and also cries uncontrollably, waiting for the song to end. Jim and Snott continued dancing to the music.

    Jim: Keep it up, kids!

    Snott: (gurgles, "This is my jam!")

    Jim: You said it, Snott! This song is so fun to listen to!

    Snott: (gurgles, "Yeah!")

    There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware
    It's a small world after all

    It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all


    Peter: Song.....so horrible...............Losing.......consciousness!!

    It's a small world after all, it's a small, small world

    Jim: Say, Peter. Do you know why this song is so good?

    Peter turns over to Jim and glared at him.

    Peter: That's because you and Snott don't have ears!!

    Cut to The Fraternal Order of Space Villians.

    Narrator: Meanwhile, at The Fraternal Order of Space Villians.....

    Fade transition. Psycrow is holding a meeting with the other villians.

    Narrator: Psycrow is holding a meeting with the other villians for an announcement.

    Psycrow: I'm so glad that all of you came. Now, we are here to talk about the hero which everyone loathes but he is a worm. His name is Earthworm Jim. He's been saving the universe ever since our show began and yet Universal Cartoon Studios is working on a third season of the show to boost and improve ratings.

    Professor Monkey For A Head: We know that we faced him before.

    Bob The Killer Goldfish: Yeah. So... When are you goin' to destroy that piece of fish bait?

    Psycrow: Here's one. Professor! You build "The Seven Tortures of Doom"! I got a plan!

    Professor MFAH: Why, sure. My feathered fellow villian. I will make it extra special for them.

    Cut to Jim's secret headquarters. Jim gasps. He grabs Peter by the head and held him very tight.

    Jim: Careful, little buddy. My uncanny worm senses indicate that there could be evil afoot. And....

    Jim smells evil around.

    Jim (cont.): I still smell.....eeeeeeeeevil!

    Peter: Well, it couldn't be worse than that spicy hot sandwich I had for lunch.

    Jim is upsetted by Peter's comment about his sandwich.

    Jim: PETE, PETE, PETE! Always with the sandwiches! GET OFF MY BACK, MAN!

    Jim pulls out his rocket hops on it grabs Peter and puts him on the rocket.

    Jim: Come, little buddy. Let's move onward to find someone hideously evil to fight.

    Peter: If there IS ANY! Sheesh, still. We're given the amount of respect we've gotten after two seasons on this show and yet you still battle evil supervillians every now and then.

    Jim turns over to Peter.

    Jim: Well, that's how my formula starts.

    Peter: So, what are we waiting for? Let's go already!

    Jim: Alright, alright! I'll start my rocket. Yeesh!

    Jim pulls the cord and takes off. Out in Outer Space....

    Jim: Man. There's got to be some villainy out there.

    Psycrow is watching Jim through his space scow

    Psy-Crow: There they are. Now to get their attention.

    He pushes a button and a giant megahorn comes out of Psycrow's Space Scow.

    Psycrow: (on megahorn) Free ice cream! Free ice cream for all superheroes and sidekicks!

    Jim spots an ice cream ship.

    Jim: Wow!! Free Ice Cream!!!!! (uses cutesy eyes) Yum-bo-licious!!!

    Jim turns to Peter.

    Jim: Hey, Pete! There's free ice cream for superheroes and sidekicks! They might even have a flavor for you too!

    Peter investigates and finds out that there's something suspicious.

    Peter: Hmm. This space ship somehow looks familiar.

    Jim[​IMG]choking back tears) It is more glorious than anything I have ever seen! Come, fuzz buddy! Free ice cream awaits for us!

    They arrive at the place with a sign that says "Free Ice Cream Place And Not Psy-Crow's Space Scow". As Jim and Peter arrived, they saw Psycrow dressed in an Ice Cream Parlor employee outfit.

    Psycrow: Hello, boys. What can I get for you today?

    Jim: Hi, kind sir. I would like some rocky road with vanilla.

    Peter: Oooh. Please don't say haggis. Please don't say haggis.

    Jim: Oh, yeah. And for my little buddy. Haggis Swirl with Haggis topping.

    Psycrow: Okie-dokes. I'll have it right for you in a moment.

    Peter turns to Jim.

    Peter: (upset) Jim!

    Jim: What? I thought you'd like that kind of ice cream.

    Psycrow takes a scoop of rocky road and a scoop of vanilla for Jim, and squirts out Haggis swirl and added haggis topping for Peter on two separate ice cream cones.
    He then serves them their ice cream cones.

    Psycrow: Here are your cones.

    Jim: Thank you, kind sir.

    Psycrow: Enjoy! Come again!

    As Jim and Peter have gotten their ice cream cones, they got back on their rocket. Jim starts licking his rocky road and vanilla ice cream cone. The pupils in his eyes move right to face Peter.

    Jim (cont.): Well. Come on, little buddy. Lick away!

    Peter: Jim. You know I hate haggis!

    Jim: But you said you love haggis!

    Peter: Wha....? I never said anything like that!

    Jim shrugs.

    Jim: Yeah, sure. Like I said, I'd thought you'd like it.

    Peter is about to gag.

    Narrator: But just as Peter's gag reflexes could kick in. Something unusual happens. Something evil!!! It's demonically evil, not funny evil. If you catch my drift.

    Jim gasps. Psycrow's Space Scow flies off without his sign. Then Jim looks down at his cone and the warning says....

    Jim: (reads) Self-destruct ice cream cone. Property of PMFH Co. Ten seconds till detonation. (stops reading)

    Jim gasps.

    Jim: By the Great Worm Spirit, whose watching a rerun of Animaniacs on Kids WB! These self-destruct cones could only be the work of.........Professor Monkey-for-a-Head.

    Peter: And don't forget Psycrow.

    Jim: Whoo! You read my mind there, little buddy! Here, give me your cone!

    Jim swipes Peter's cone. He eats both ice cream cones and swallowed them. He waited for the remaining 5 seconds until a big explosion caused Jim to extend his worm body.

    Peter: Whoa, Jim! Are you okay?

    Jim: Nothing like 4 years at the Chiropractor won't fix.

    Fade transition. Professor Monkey-for-a-Head is still building up "The Seven Tortures of Doom".

    Narrator: Meanwhile, somewhere among the distant planet of Mobius or am I saying something stupid. Professor Monkey-for-a-Head is still building "The Seven Tortures of Doom". Yet he found the perfect seven tortures for this building.

    Psycrow entered the room and went over to see Professor MFAH.

    Psycrow: Say, Professor. What kind of tortures did you really bring to this building?

    Professor Monkey-for-a-Head: Let's see here. Very Poorly-Sung Singers. Check. Next is decomposing vegetables for the environment. Check. The third torture is Mr. Director from Animaniacs and the fourth torture is crows and cats. Check. And check. The fifth torture is people eating gummi worms. Check. The sixth torture is men's ugly faces. Check. And finally, the seventh torture is Really Abusive Punkrock Stars. Check.

    Psycrow: (laughs cackily) Oh, boy. 'Dis is goin' to be fun.

    Professor MFAH points to the heroes coming their way.

    Professor MFAH: And here they come now.

    Jim and Peter come on their rocket and landed safely. They got off the rocket. Snott came out of Jim's backpack.

    Snott: (gurgles, "Jim, there's something suspicious going on around here.")

    Jim: You're right, Snott. Something suspicious is going on around here. Come, Peter and Snott. We must investigate this hideous scam of what they call a funhouse and reason with these guys. Besides, what could possibly happen?

    Jim, Peter, and Snott start moving towards the two villians.

    Peter: They would take us to someplace that is dark and edgy?

    Jim: You got it, fuzz buddy.

    They walked over and stopped to see Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head for a conversation.

    Jim: Excuse me, kind sirs? But, can you tell us what place are we going to?

    Professor Monkey-For-A-Head: It's the seven tortures of doom! And you three......

    Psycrow grabs the heroes and ties them up to chairs.

    Professor Monkey-For-A-Head: ......are going TO SUFFER!!

    Earthworm Jim: Wait a minute! Do you expect us to talk?

    Psycrow: Why, no. Earthworm Jim. We expect you three to die of stress.

    He pulls the lever, which causes the machine to move the heroes inside "The Seven Tortures of Doom". He laughs cackily and waves to the heroes.

    Psycrow: Have a nice trip!

    Jim turns over to the see scary skeletons in the beginning tunnel. He gasps. Peter and Snott both cover in fear.

    Jim: Refresh my memory...... Exactly! (sad) Why didn't I just stay in bed today?

    Peter glares at Jim with his teeth showing.

    Peter: Well, duh!

    End of act one.

    -------

    Act Two

    Fade in. Jim, Peter, and Snott all cower in fear as they enter the first torture: Very Poorly-Sung Singers.

    Narrator: When we last left our heroes, they were about to be terrified by the very first torture. The Very Poorly-Sung Singers.

    After they enter the torture, Jim, Peter, and Snott see the Very Poorly-Sung Singers.

    The singers began singing "Do the Frog" from The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3

    Do the frog (ribbit ribbit)
    Croak croak croak (croak croak croak)
    Do the frog (ribbit ribbit)
    It's no joke (croak croak croak)


    Peter: That singing.......So horribly....hideous.........It's worse than "It's a small world"!

    When you think you're gonna sink (do the frog)
    It's more easy than you think (do the frog)


    Jim: "Do the Frog"? That's not a torture! It's a catchy tune! And yet somehow......Groovy.

    Jim and Snott dance to the song while Peter again screams in agony as he covers his ears and also cries uncontrollably, waiting for the song to end.

    Jim then finally sees Peter suffering.

    Jim: Well, I think that's enough dancing for now. Time to fight music with music. And I think I know just how to handle these guys.

    He pulls out the nose flute and plays it. The singers hear it and scream in agony. Then, they exploded.

    Peter: Whoo-hoo! Way to go, almighty Jim! So how did you kill them off?

    Jim: I used the noseflute. So, what's the next torture?

    Peter: I dunno. Maybe something that is not too irritating.

    Jim: We'll figure it out when we get there.

    Jim, Peter, and Snott move on to the next torture: decomposing vegetables for the environment.

    Peter: "Decomposing vegetables for the environment". Hmm. Doesn't sound so scary to me.

    As they enter the torture, Jim, Peter, and Snott are looking at people decomposing vegetables for the environment. Peter sniffs something and it was the smell of decomposing vegetables.

    Peter: Ugh! What's that smell? (gasps) Crud, it smells like rotten vegetables in here.

    Jim: (screams) The horror!!!!!!! Has humanity rotted from society?!?

    Peter turns to Jim, while holding his nose.

    Peter: What makes you say that, Jim?

    Jim: I hate the site of decomposing vegetables. It's disgusting!

    Jim gets rid of the smell with disinfectant spray.

    Jim: Matter of fact, this decomposition is wrong. (to audience) So remember, kids. Don't decompose fruits and vegetables and leave them lying to rot. These things are healthy and good for you. They are part of the four major food groups, right next to the dairy, meat, and grain groups. So, remember to not leave them lying on the ground. Instead, you must eat foods that give you energy and exercise in order to stay fit for a heathier lifestyle. So, for right now. (gets out a plate of dirt) I'm eating dirt. And dirt is healthy for worms to enjoy. (takes a bite of dirt) Mmm. Them's good eatin'!

    Peter: Uh, Jim?

    Jim: Huh? Oh, right.

    Jim eats up his dirt and swallowed it whole. He threw the plate out of sight.

    Jim: Hey Psycrow, I've beaten two of your stupid Seven Tortures of Doom. What else do you got?

    Psycrow speaks over intercom.

    Psycrow: How would you like "Mr. Director" from Animaniacs?

    Jim: NO!!!! NOT HIM!!!!! HOW DID HE GET ON MY SHOW?!?!?!?

    Psycrow: Simple. I asked him to come over to torture you guys like he did with the Warners, and he said "Nice heroes! We're with the show! Gonna do a thing!". (laughs cackily) He's really funny! You should see him.

    Jim, Peter, and Snott gulps as they enter into the next torture.

    Narrator: After Psycrow's announcement, our heroes are about to be tortured by you know who.

    As the heroes enter the torture, Mr. Director jumps on the table.

    Narrator: Give it up for the comedy stylings of.......Mr. Director.

    Mr. Director starts dancing.

    Mr. Director: (crazy voice) Oh, LAYdee!! I know a LAYdee with high heeled shoes, and socks of panty hose!! Oh, pretty LAYdee!!

    Jim, Peter, and Snott scream in agony. Mr. Director jumped on the ride to see the three.

    Mr. Director: Hello, nice heroes with the freakish faces!

    Jim, Peter, and Snott screamed in agony again.

    Narrator: Oh, my. It looks like our heroes cannot take anymore of this. Is this the end of Earthworm Jim? Will the comedy acts of Mr. Director buy our heroes' downfall? Will Peter ever be forced to eat haggis for all eternity?

    Peter: Not stinkin' likely.

    Narrator: Stay tuned to find out!!!

    End of Act 2

    ---------

    Side story begins. Ext. Galactic Heroes League. We fade to Princess WHN inside the Galactic Heroes League with Hamstenator at the table.

    Narrator: We go to Princess What's-Her-Name as she explains to Hamstenator at the Galactic Heroes League about what happened to our heroes when they were captured and entered into The Seven Tortures of Doom by Psy-Crow and Professor Monkey-For-A-Head.

    Hamstinator: What do you want?

    Princess WHN: Hamstenator, I have some bad news. Psycrow and the Professor have kidnapped Jim, Peter, and Snott. Oh, already they have "The Seven Tortures of Doom" to terrorize the three so they can surrender to my evil, twisted twin sister.

    Hamstenator: Sorry about this. But we got our own priorities here. The heroes can finish their own job once they are locked in seven tortures of doom. You understand?

    Princess WHN: (stares at them angrily) Jerks. I'll go find them myself.

    The Princess left the building.

    Turns-His-Eyelids-Inside-Out Boy: What's eating her?

    Hamstenator: She didn't get enough sleep last night.

    Turns-His-Eyelids-Inside-Out Boy: Oh.

    Fade out. End of side story.

    -----------

    Narrator: And now.....Back to Earthworm Jim!

    Fade in. Act three begins. Ext. The Seven Tortures of Doom. We zoom to the entrance.

    Narrator: Meanwhile, inside The Seven Tortures of Doom......

    Fade transition. Mr. Director is entertaining the heroes by juggling balls while they cower in fear.

    Narrator: ....Earthworm Jim and his faithful sidekicks, Peter Puppy and Snott are still cowering before the Third Torture, Mr. Director.

    Mr. Narrator: You nice heroes want to see the funnies?

    Jim: Can't.......stand it.......anymore. Must.....annihlate......CRAZY.....MAN!!!

    Jim pulls out his blaster and aims it at Mr. Director.

    Jim: EAT DIRT!!! HORRID COMEDIAN OF DISPUTABLE JOKES!!!

    He blasts him senseless while laughing maniacally. Mr. Director is burnt to a crisp.

    Mr. Director: I wish the rays were candy, cake, and ice cream.

    He faints on the floor, falling off the ride.

    Peter: Good job, Jim! You blasted that comedian outta here!

    Jim: Aw. 'Tweren't nothing. (chuckles)

    Psycrow turns on the intercom.

    Psycrow: Ha! Nice try! If you think you're getting out so easily!! Think again, Earthworm Jim!

    Jim: He's right. By the Great Worm Spirit, whose making smoothies for him and the Fur Bearin' Trout! What could be worse than Mr. Director himself?

    Jim, Peter, and Snott then move on to the next torture: crows and cats. Jim reads the sign "Crows and Cats".

    Jim: (to audience) Of course. That.

    As they enter the torture, a crow spots Jim and a cat spots Peter.

    Jim: Well! It looks like this fourth torture is gonna be wild! Eh, little buddy?

    Peter chants his "I must not fear" phrase.

    Peter: (chanting) I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total oblivion.

    Jim: Ho-kay! I'll take that as a yes.

    Jim sees the crow and does his famous high-pitched scream while doing a wild Tex Avery take on his face.

    The Crow tries to peck at Jim. But he retreats into his super suit. An Earthworm Jim made of dynamite appears outside of the suit and the crow falls for it. As the crow pecked at it, the fake Jim exploded causing the crow to die. Jim pops outside of the suit.

    Earthworm Jim: Score!

    Earthworm Jim turns to his fuzz buddy and a cat. He is shocked.

    Earthworm Jim: WHOA, NELLIE!!

    Jim: Hey, wait a minute. Aren't cats supposed to fear dogs and not the other way around?

    Peter: It used to....for me. Speaking of it, you didn't rewatch my origin episode. Didn't ya?

    Jim: Hold on.....Refresh my memory... (Jim puts his fingers on his head)

    (Flashback to the events off the Season 2 Episode "The Origin of Peter Puppy!". Evil casts a curse on Peter Puppy, turning him into his more well-known anthropomorphic form with the shirt and pants. Peter gasps. Peter faints. Evil sends him back to Earth with his paw.)

    Flashbacks ends.

    Jim: Alright! I really see why you're so intelligent and the voice of reason in this squad. Including the monster transformations. Which counts.

    Peter: So. Uh...... What do I do now?

    Jim: You must face your fear! FACE IT!!!!!!

    He shakes Peter until he transforms.

    Jim: Yeah, yeah. Now go scare him off.

    Mutant Peter roars until the cat flees.

    Jim: You did it, Peter!

    Mutant Peter stares at Jim angrily.

    Jim: Uh..... Nice doggy?

    Mutant Peter starts attacking him as Jim screams in agony.

    Jim then tickles Mutant Peter.

    Jim: Gitchy-gicthy-goo!

    Mutant Peter starts laughing and reverts to Peter's normal voice while laughing. He burps and reverts to normal. Jim hugs Peter.

    Jim: Peter, you scared off that cat! I'm so proud of you! Way to go!

    Peter: Yeah. Just think about this next year when I renegotiate my sidekick contract.

    Jim nods. Then he goes into his suspicious expression. Psycrow turns on the intercom.

    Psycrow: Ah! I see that you guys have gotten over your fears of crows and cats!

    Jim: How can you see us? You're on the intercom!

    Psycrow: Yeah, whatever. Now, get ready to see the rest of your woist nightmares! (laughs cackily)

    Narrator: Meanwhile, Princess What's Her Name is desperate to rescue Peter Puppy and Earthworm Jim from being forced to surrendering over to her evil and twisted sister.

    Fade transition. Princess WHN rushed on her way to save Jim and Peter, when suddenly she spotted a Tank for Sale with a salesman.

    Salesman: Hi, m'am. It's nice to see you here at my collections of WWII tanks.

    Princess What's-Her-Name: How much do you want for that tank?

    Salesman: Two dollars.

    Wipe transition. Princess What's-Her-Name is driving a tank as she is on her way to save Jim and Peter from The Seven Tortures of Doom.

    Cut to Jim and Peter watching people eating gummy worms.

    Narrator: Meanwhile, we go to Jim and Peter enduring the fifth Torture of Doom: People eating gummy worms.

    Jim: Oh, the humanity!!!!!!!!

    Peter: Jim. They're not real worms. They're just sugary snacks. Besides, you're overreacting.

    Jim: Peter. Am I really that insane?

    Peter: Yep.

    Jim is confused. Psycrow is still on the intercom.

    Psy-Crow: You may be lucky, Jim. But your sidekick won't be.

    Jim: Psycrow. What do you mean by "my sidekick won't be lucky"?

    Psy-Crow: Look behind you.

    Jim turns around and sees Peter being forced to eat Haggis. He screams high-pitched.

    Scottish chef: You poor, hungry little pup. Here, have some Haggis. It's the heart, liver, and lungs of a sheep boiled in its own stomach.

    Peter is shocked of a plate of Haggis. He gulps.

    Peter: Take it away! PLEASE, TAKE IT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

    Jim: Well, now. I must use my four hyper intelligent brains to hypnotize Peter into liking Haggis.

    We fade to Jim's four hyper intelligent brains.

    Jim's Brain #1: I'm hungry.

    Jim's Brain #2: I'm cold.

    Jim's Brain #3: I'm itchy.

    Jim's Brain #4: Where are the girls?

    We cut back to Jim trying to figure it out. But it failed.

    Jim: Ho-kay! If my four hyper intelligent brains can't help out on hypnosis. Then, it's time to solve this problem: the other "Earthworm Jim" way!

    Jim gets out his big ray gun.

    Jim (cont.): Less talking.....and more mindless mayhem!

    Jim begins to blast the Scottish chef with his plasma blaster, while maniacally laughing.

    Jim: EAT DIRT, YOU SMILING SMUG-FACED SCOTTISH CHEF!!!

    As he finished off blasting him. The Scottish Chef is burnt to a crisp.

    Jim: That'll learn ya.

    Jim turns to the camera and smiles. Then zips off the screen and The Scottish chef faints.

    Cut to Peter and Jim.

    Peter: Jim, you saved me.

    Jim laughs

    Jim: Of course I did. Now, come here you.

    Both Jim and Peter hug each other. Psycrow turns on the intercom once again.

    Psy-Crow: Don't think your way out of the woods just yet, heroes! You still have two more tortures to endure! How about men's ugly chins?

    Jim: Don't you mean "men's ugly faces"?

    Psy-Crow: Uhhhh.....yeah. Anyway, get ready for your next torture!

    Jim and Peter enter into the sixth torture: men's ugly faces. As they enter the torture, they were shocked of seeing ugly men faces.

    Jim: The horror of which I dare not speak. How ugly can men's faces get?

    Peter: Really ugly. (covers his face) I can't bear to look at it anymore! We are doomed, Jim! Doomed!

    Jim: Don't worry, Peter. I shall...uh.... (thinks of something) You know what? (shrugs) I got nothing.

    Jim and Peter start screaming as they continue looking at men's ugly faces.

    Jim: So....much...torture! Can't.....blast!

    Peter: The unbridal horror! And, yet I stare, preversely fascinated.

    Jim: All of their wonderful faces have turned hideously ugly! Even....

    As Jim and Peter see Ralph T. Guard from Animaniacs. Jim is confused.

    Jim: .....Ralph T. Guard?

    Ralph: Duhhh..... Just making a very briefs cameos.

    Jim: Ho-kay! Well, that's one weird thing I'm gonna remember in the morning.

    Psycrow turns on the intercom.

    Psycrow: So, Earthworm Jim and puppy boy! How are you suffering these tortures so far?

    Jim: Barely.

    He pulls out a mirror. And turns their own ugliness against them. They screamed and ran off. Jim puts away the mirror.

    Jim: Now on to our last torture, Psy-Clown! So........ DO YOUR WORST!!!!!

    Psycrow turns on the intercom again.

    Psycrow: Alright! You asked for it!

    Jim and Peter moved onto the next torture.

    Psy-Crow: Behold the final torture of Doom! Really Abusive Punkrock Stars!

    Jim: We should have guessed.

    As they entered the torture, Jim and Peter just see punkrock stars staring at them.

    Jim: So, what? They're not doing anything.

    Peter: This is disturbing.

    The Leader of the Punkrock Stars: Hey, look! A giant worm and a talking dog! Ha-ha! Let's whack 'em, boys!

    The Really Abusive Punkrock Stars charged at Jim and Peter with their electric guitars.

    Jim: Color me......unpleasant.

    Jim and Peter scream. The Really Abusive Punkrock Stars began smacking Jim and Peter on the heads with their electric guitars.

    Jim and Peter: Ouch! Oof! Ow! Oh!

    Jim: Ouch-ie! Ouch-ie!

    Peter: Youch!

    Jim and Peter scream as they continue to get smacked on. Psycrow came inside and clapped

    Psycrow: Congratulations! You two have been tortured by....The Really Abusive Punkrock Stars! Now for a little victory dance.

    Psycrow danced, as calypso music started playing.

    Psycrow: Ha! I am the evillest! I am the evillest! Whoo!

    Psycrow continued dancing as he laughed cackily. Until Princess WHN came in just in time to grab Psycrow by the arm.

    Princess WHN: Alright, Psycrow! Drop the act!

    Psycrow: (feigning fear) Oh, no! The pretty and cute little princess is going to knock me senseless with her little pony friends! (normal) Aw, come on, woman! Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?

    She runs over on the tank and went inside. Then fires a tank shot at the Really Abusive Punk Rock Stars, as Jim, Peter, and Snott got out of the way. She then aims at Psycrow. Psycrow gasps.

    Jim: You better run.

    Psycrow: I'm getting outta here! (zips through the left of the screen)

    Psycrow screams as Princess attempts to shoot Psycrow senseless. Cut to Princess WHN inside the tank while spotting Psycrow on the monitor.

    Princess WHN: You can run, but you can't hide.

    Psycrow: Professor, do something! Princess What-Her-Name's trying to kill me!

    Professor Monkey For a Head rushes and whips out his fossilizer ray which turns all living matter to stone.

    Narrator: As Professor Monkey-For-A-Head came and got out his fossilizer ray, which turns all living matter to stone. He accidentally turned a cannonball....

    Professor accidentally turned a cannonball into stone. The stone cannonball lands on the ground and breaks into impact.

    Narrator:.....into stone.

    Princess WHN got out of the tank and saw Professor MFAH. She walked over to him.

    Professor Monkey for a head: There you are. Now prepare to be fossilized!!!!!

    Just as Jim and Peter catch up, The Professor finally zaps Peter and the Princess turning them into stone.

    Jim is shocked as he gasps.

    Jim: FUZZ BUDDY!!! And my flaky crusted pastry of joy.

    Professor Monkey For A Head: Now you will join them!

    Jim: Never!!!!

    He grabs the same mirror and uses it to protect himself.

    The blast has been dodged and Professor Monkey-For-A-Head has been turned into stone, leaving his fossilizer gun untouched.

    Jim steals the gun and uses it on Psycrow. Psycrow is turned to stone.

    Jim then switched it to reverse and uses it to change Peter and the Princess back to their normal states.

    Princess WHN ran over to Jim and hugged him.

    Princess WHN: Jim. Thank you for saving us from being stone. That was pretty cool of what you did.

    Jim: Aw, 'tanks. (winks to the Princess)

    Peter runs over to Jim and the Princess.

    Peter: Once again, goodness has left evil's stone cold by the brave and heroic squad of justice.

    Princess WHN: Hmm. Has he been watching those British programs?

    Jim: No. Why do you ask?

    Wipe transition. Ext. Earthworm Jim house.

    Jim: Mmm. Fuzz buddy! This is so good!

    Princess WHN: Peter. It's beautiful.

    We cut to Jim and Princess inside the house enjoying Peter Puppy's gourmet cooking at the dinner table. Peter is watching them enjoy his gourmet cooking.

    Jim: So, what do you call this?

    Peter: I call this one, "Pot Roast, sauteed with lemon sauce and a pinch of garlic for good measure".

    After Jim finishes his dish, he wipes his mouth with a napkin.

    Jim: You've really outdone yourself, Pete.

    Peter: Thanks. It's my own version of the recipe.

    Jim: Great dish, man! And yet somewhat....Groovy. And you know what else is better?

    Peter: What's that?

    Jim brings out his "Small World" CD.

    Jim: It feels like I needed a song comin' on!

    Peter covers his ears.

    Peter: NOT THE "SMALL WORLD" CD!!!

    Jim puts on the CD and begins to dance to the song. He brings the Princess over to dance with him.

    Jim: Come, Princess! We must dance to the wonderful vibrance of music on our date.

    Princess WHN: It's not a date, Jim.

    Jim: Whatever. We're dancing, anyway.

    It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
    It's a world of hope and a world of fears


    Peter screams in agony as he covers his ears and also cries uncontrollably, waiting for the song to end. Jim and Princess continued dancing to the music.

    There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware
    It's a small world after all

    It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all


    Princess WHN: You should really need to stop playing that music, James. 'Cause this song is way too childish for me.

    Jim: Oh, nonsense. My juicy porterhouse steak of bliss. This music is beautiful.

    Princess WHN: Well, Peter's not liking it. Look at him.

    Jim turns to Peter.

    Jim: You okay, fuzz buddy?

    It's a small world after all, it's a small, small world

    Peter: Plea-he-hese! SOMEBODY MAKE IT STO-HA-HOP!!!

    A cow falls on both Jim and the CD player, but his head pops from underneath.

    Jim: Everybody's a critic.

    End of "The Seven Tortures of Doom"
     

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