Previously on Christmas Tales: Christmas Tales: 2007 Christmas Tales: 2008 Christmas Tales: 2009 Christmas Tales 2010 Christmas Tales 2011 Christmas Tales 2012 http://www.toonzone.net/forums/platypus-comix/311481-christmas-tales-2013-a.html Well, I can say this year's Christmas was much better than the last. We once again had it at my older cousin's huge comfy awesome house. The fireplace was roaring, the tree was big, in your face and stuffed with presents, and TNT's Christmas Story marathon was running in an endless loop. She knows how to set the tone. That's not her. The traditional big family meal was also ready to go. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but I'm just saying what everyone has to be thinking....these things are kinda gross. There are pounds and pounds of well-cooked meat, ham, steak, etc. but it is always ICE-COLD, not to mention full of nasty gristle. Half the offerings are casseroles that look like mold (I have a rule that I don't eat anything I can't recognize). By contrast, all the beverages are room temperature and served in giant Solo cups, where they continue to get warmer as you eat. Then we all sit down way too close to each other and noisily chomp it all up. It's an ugly spectacle. And the random smorgasbord that winds up on your plate often results in strange mouth cocktails. Today I discovered ham and corn muffins go so well together Reese's should have caught on. Apple slices and crackers is another, more horrific story. Christmas dinner is usually the weirdest dinner I have all year. This time, before presents, a special event: we all sat in a circle around a bunch of random wrapped items, mostly useless, and told tales from Christmases past. Whoever told a good story got to pick something from the pile. I would upload the video of the aforementioned awesome cousin telling the story of how her dad built a homemade cannon and had to test it out where the cops couldn't find him, which was a true story as far as I know, but my upload speed would make it take all night and the mike on my tablet makes for hollow-sounding acoustics. This is my other cousin's bug. He got a giant laminated dead bug in a frame for Christmas. And he seemed happy. This was also the only present he got today. Here is Jaxom, who originated in the 90's as the illegitimate offspring of a relative we'll probably never see again and a ditzy 14-year-old mother, and got his name from a character in a fantasy novel. He grew to be over six feet. Now he plays guitar, and very well. He was playing guitar in the background during the entire gathering, which made the great Christmassy atmosphere even greater. And the hat? That was my gift. He loved it. The big Present of the Day was still to come. My uncle wouldn't be home from work until 3 PM, and he'd be coming with a giant box. My aunt had been trying to guess the contents of that box for days. It was driving her crazy, and she was dreading it being one of those jokes where a smaller box is inside, and then a box smaller than that, and smaller and smaller until you open a really tiny one and there's an earring. None of us knew what to expect. He finally arrived with the box, she was last to open a present, and we all watched in anticipation....and she pulled out this. This was far better than anything I'd imagined. The cousin with the bug married a veteranarian who loves animals so much that she walks around with small marsupials referred to as "sugar gliders" crawling around under her shirt all day. I'm dead serious. She's off-putting for this and other reasons, but hey, I didn't marry her. This is one of those sugar gliders on my aunt's shoulder. It just went to the bathroom. They must do this all the time on my cousin's wife and she must enjoy it. Have I been clear enough that everyone in my family has weird tastes? I got Rick and Morty Season 1, Legend of Korra Season 3, a calendar that'll probably never be used and, from the gag gifts pile, a package of thumbtacks I gave to someone else. Now tell your story.