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World's Finest Workshops An Interesting Prologue?

Discussion in 'The Story Board' started by Joker Apprentice, Apr 3, 2010.

  1. Joker Apprentice

    Sep 20, 2009
    Likes Received:
    I have recently begun work on a TT fanfiction featuring all of the Titans, which puts our heroes against a mysterious criminal group that threatens not simply the existence of the world, but the existence of humanity itself. To create this fanfiction, I want to establish many themes throughout my story, such as romance, revenge, treachery, and even comedy.

    In this case, I have created a prologue to sum up the villain related aspects of the adventure. I'd like some feedback just so the story can be improved as I go along:

    [FONT=&quot]The evening air is usually the best part of the evening itself every day. When the sky turns a radiant orange and the sun starts to sink below the horizon, the world itself seems to slow down. Busy employees drive or walk home from work, enjoying the atmosphere with a placating effect on all those appreciating it. One might say that evening is the balance that holds day and night symbiotically in order to resonate with the great mystery of nature. [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Of course, evening holds an apprehensive reputation as well as a peaceful one. Many forces unforeseen during the day come alive in the darkness to come. For some it is sensually romantic passion, for others an inevitably dominant sense of wariness for preparation. But there is something about both times of day that seem to unlock something profound within the average human.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]The evening air in Gotham City was a very example of the contradictory sensations it aroused within its citizens. One end of a maddening chaos might either be just an end to the present danger, or a preview of the unearthly mayhem that would engulf those unlucky enough to stray into its shadow. Those ensnared by its grasp in this particular city included a sadistic madman who fell into a vat of toxic chemicals, and came back months later as a psychotic prankster with a penchant for somewhat lethal gags. There was also the case of a promising young district attorney who fell into an unhealthy obsession with duality and a fate-based conception of justice, after being scarred horribly in a trial against an unpopular criminal.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Then, there was the example of the boy who lost his parents to the evils of greed and hate, and emerged as something both intimidating and inspirational to his allies and his admirers. There were actually two boys in this instance who suffered in this scenario, but you will find out more about them later. For now, we take our story’s roots to a peaceful area in the crime-ridden city….[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Wheee! I’m Batgirl! Look at me, mommy! I’m Batgirl!”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“OK, sweetie,” laughed the young ebon-haired woman, amused and enchanted by her daughter’s free-spirited imagination. Her little girl sported a light blue t-shirt with a rainbow painted across the middle, with somewhat baggy pink overalls covering her ankles. She swung from her seat on the swing set with carefree abandon, relishing the tranquility and excitement of her fun-filled afternoon, which had now drawn to a close. They were at the local playground, near the woods where they had often gone walking.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Alright, DD,” her mother said with a good-natured but firm voice, “it’s time for us to be going home. Charlie’s getting pizza…with your favorite toppings.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Pepperoni and mushroom?!” cried little DD. “Yay! When are we gonna see Charlie?”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Right about now,” said a warm voice. The woman turned around and saw her boyfriend, a fair-faced, red-haired man in a dark blue polo t-shirt with white khaki pants walking towards them with a white box wrapped in a pink bow tucked under his arm.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Hey, Charles. You been out shopping?” asked the woman, with an air of playful suspicion in her face and tone.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“As a matter of fact, I have,” said Charlie. “I was just grabbing a bite at the coffee shop when I realized that someone today had a very special tenth birthday. So I ran over to the Mega-Mall and picked that up.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Who’s the box for again?” asked the inquisitive girl, hopping off the swing.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“I’ll tell you when we get home,” said Charlie. He then gave an assuring wink to his girlfriend. “But first, why don’t we take you by Wesker’s Sweet Scoops and grab you a cone or a shake to sample while we walk there?”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Yay! You mean it? Thanks, Charlie!” cheered DD with a sense of gratitude. As she did habitually when she felt happy, she ran up to Charlie and gave him a big hug around the neck.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Well, we better get going now before it closes at 7:15,” said the woman, whose name was Gilda, “C’mon gang.” And the three best friends began their short trek to the recently reformed Arnold Wesker’s ice cream stand.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]From behind one of the large oak trees leading into the woods, a masked figure wearing a short-rimmed bowler hat and a rather concealing overcoat watched them leave. Feeling slightly bolder, he stepped forward and snapped a twig.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Gilda stopped, and instinctively turned. The figure quickly darted into the shadows before her eyes met his.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Gilda couldn’t explain it, but some sort of trigger instinct had hinted that they had been watched. That thought had lingered in her subconscious since the day she had finalized her divorce from her first husband, and gained full custody of their daughter. The man had never been one to let old wounds die. [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]But then again, the man had never been immortal, godly as he seemed when they had first begun to date. If he had someone else out to do his unfinished dirty work, she had no intention of letting him finish it. With silent resolve, she hurried to catch up with her daughter and boyfriend.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Hours later, Gilda and Charlie were enjoying themselves in a gazebo on the other side of the park. Gilda had taken appropriate measures to make her date with Charlie special. She wore an elegant, sleeveless black dress with white gloves and a ruby necklace given to her by her late father. Her hair was pulled back into an elegant ponytail, and her dark green eyes had been painted gently with eyeliner to create a modest yet exotic beauty.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Charlie, in his ordinary tuxedo complete with a blue tie, couldn’t have felt luckier. He had formed a bond with Gilda and her daughter that had grown for the past year and a half. They had opened themselves completely to each other, and his resolve combined with her inner strength created a near-perfect relationship.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“That was a nice birthday dinner for DD,” he said, in order to start conversation. “Does she always get two pizza toppings, though? Last month I think she wanted to try pineapple and peppers at the same time.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Yeah,” said Gilda, “DD’s always had a real fascination with two of each things. That’s probably why it’s so hard for her to choose one thing over the other. It’s like that way whenever we go out for the weekend. She always wants to try to do both things instead of just picking one. Of course, a kid’s only a kid once, so I try to be fair and convenient time wise.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Charlie looked into the eyes of his girlfriend, then at the moon, then at Gilda again. [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“What?” said Gilda with a small chuckle.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Oh nothing,” he said, “It’s just…when I think about Neil Armstrong landing up there for the first time...it must have been the greatest moment of his life. Well, when I first met you, and got to know you better…I felt just like he did. You were the moon for me, Gilda.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Gilda blushed immensely at the comparison, but managed to compose herself in order to make a witty remark. “So does that mean that I was the one girl you were able to make an official ‘dibs’ on?”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Charlie couldn’t help but giggle. Her sense of humor was what gave her soul a more meaningful humanity, to see something both positive and amusing in nearly every scenario. He had premeditated a plan in order to make her a part of his life for good, and he had wanted to make her feel special in order to do so.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Gilda,” he said slowly but clearly, “I’ve known you for about a year and a half now, and…well, I’ve been thinking a lot about you and me…us, and well…I mean, after all that you told me about what happened with you and, you know…I was thinking…You, and DD, you deserve…you deserve someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I know that you’ve been working hard ever since it was just you and DD living alone, and well…I’ve grown to really care about DD. I love her sense of honesty and fairness she exhibits when around kids her age. I mean, from what you told me about that kid stealing test answers and her going to the principal about it. It just showed how much integrity she had, even after she got picked on and bullied because of it at school.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Yeah,” said Gilda with a sense of relief at the temporary distraction, “DD, Duela…she’s always showed a real sense of honesty and desire to be fair. The one good thing she picked up from her dad, I guess.” At this, she became silent and somewhat distant.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Uh huh,” murmured Charlie, worried that he had lost her interest. “All in all, she’s a great girl. Mainly because, she’s got a great mother…a beautiful, strong-willed, lighthearted young woman giving her the guidance she needs to grow up just like her. Gilda…when I met you...I can’t explain how, but I knew. I just knew that you were the woman I had been looking for, that you were the lady I wanted to be with…for the rest of my life. I’ve been asking you lots of questions lately to strengthen our relationship, but now…I only have one question I want to ask you now that our relationship is near complete.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]In the age-old fashion, Charlie earnestly reached inside his pocket, pulled out a small box the size of his palm, knelt down on his left knee, opened the box, and asked: “Gilda Gold…will you marry me and let me serve as your husband for the rest of my life?”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Gilda’s emerald eyes were now bleary with tears. It had been years since a man had gotten down on his knee and asked her that sacred question, but this time…she knew that there were no real secrets between them. For a moment, she was silent, gazing into the earnest face of the man who loved her with his heart and being.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Gilda’s moment of joy was not as solitary as she thought.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] From a distance, the mysterious figure from earlier watched the couple in their deciding moment of commitment. He had no difficulty hearing them, for nights in Gotham always tended to be so quiet you could hear a pin drop. To him, what he heard did not shock him too much. Charlie Kinsinger, the three-year veteran of the Gotham City Police Department, had always been a man with a close eye on city politics. Since the ex-wife of the deformed district attorney had been left a widower in the aftermath of a long struggle between Gotham’s Dark Knight and his infamous rogue club, the eventual attraction of him to a beautiful woman like her was inevitable. [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]But surely, she realized that she had fallen in too early. Surely, she had at least enough sense to realize that a man with power and position would only make her miserable based on her previous experience. Besides, due to most of the crime-busting being done by the big half of the former Dynamic Duo, the GCPD was filled with cowardly and corrupt members that believed themselves cleverer then their competitors because they had a name and a badge.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Charlie, of course, had come across as just the gold coin in a bucket of silver. He was an idealist who believed in the good of those fighting for the protection of Gotham, not even contemplating that they only sought glory or pride over the superiority over their super-adversaries. Such is the mindset of an idealist, thought the stranger irritably, until you’re betrayed by everything you believe in. Then you become a realist, and only then are you smart enough to see how life really is. How liars exist everywhere, in teachers, judges, mayors, anyone who believes in the good of what is clearly corrupt. At least when you believe in that, there’s nothing to shake your faith in that respect. [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]The stranger then realized that he was immersing himself in cynicism, as he often did on stressful or rotten nights for him. He decided to listen in on the rest of the conversation.
    [FONT=&quot]“Charlie,” Gilda said after a long period of silence, “I…I’ve been waiting for this day for so long, but…I’m worried. I want to say what you deserve to hear, but…”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“But what?” asked Charlie.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Gilda sighed. “I’m worried about my daughter, and…and him.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Him?” said Charlie, confused. Then, his face soothed as he realized that the implication was her ex-husband. “Are you worried that…your daughter is in danger because of him?”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Not because of him, no,” Gilda said. “He’s dead and gone. Buried with the rest of his humanity and sanity. I saw it televised with my own eyes. But…it just doesn’t feel like he’s dead and gone…I can’t help but feel his presence, like I’m being watched. ”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Charlie nodded. “You told me that last week. Is there something else?”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Gilda took a deep breath, and began: “After Harvey died…well, I guess when his ego died, I just…I never actually trusted the evidence that he was gone. And then, three weeks ago, I received a letter from an unknown person. It just said: ‘The work of Harvey Dent is not done. The final justice will be initiated.’ I think he’s after me and Duela, and…I need to ask a favor of you.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Charlie nodded. “Name it.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“I…want to move far away from here. Not somewhere too big, but a nice, small town where we can make a new start, a new life, away from Gotham and super villains and death. Because that’s the kind of life I want my girl to have.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Charlie took her right hand, slipped off the glove, and slipped the diamond ring onto her index finger. “You have my promise, Gilda. I will protect you and our daughter from whoever’s trying to hurt you, no matter what it takes.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Filled with a sense of protection and loyalty, Gilda threw herself around Charlie’s shoulders and kissed him long and passionately. For her, it was a new beginning.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]The figure didn’t think too much of the romantic display of affection between the fiancées. Whatever affection that Harvey Dent had for the spineless female had died along with him and Two-Face in that climactic showdown. He was just viewing them expressing their love in order to assure himself that he was stronger than human emotion and saw nothing in love but an opportunity to exploit. Now that he had assured himself of his unwavering willpower, his work in Gotham was done.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]He strode away from the trees and across the street into the subway station, and strode across the platform to the ticket window.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]He waited his turn, but he hated every second of it. He hated being in public places with people, the insignificant, hypocritical, selfish beings that made his life unbearable and his existence questionable.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]When it was his turn, he bought his ticket for his train, and waited on the bench until it was time to board. The passengers exiting the train felt uneasy as the masked man boarded the train and sat down.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]“Destination-Station 15423 in Jump City. Departing now.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]The train began to move, and before he knew it, the stranger had blended in as just another passenger, who was reading a newspaper article about a certain team of young superheroes operating in Jump City…called the Teen Titans.[/FONT]

    So, you get the picture. The mysterious figure is obviously a cynic who believes in the deceased Harvey Dent's ambition for a world with complete justice. But don't think that he's out to get revenge on Gilda or her daughter. His plan is much more complex than that.

    Now, here are some questions for feedback:

    1. Was this section pleasant and descriptive enough to read? I thought about how to incorporate a motif of balance into this story which explains many ambitions. The main influence of my writing style is Gregory Maguire, whom you know as the writer of the book Wicked. I was impressed by how he created the strikingly insightful dialogue without altering the perception of the characters' personalities. It was his techniques that I used for creating the mindset of our mysterious villain. As Maguire once said of Elphaba, "The harsh political climate had made her hardened, but it had also made her capable." Such is the case of the masked man.

    2.Is the name of the Titans' hometown Go or Jump City? I was a little confused at first about the accuracy of either. Related to that, I'm concerned about the announcer's statement. Is that something even close to what a train emplyee would say to passengers?

    3. Did you catch onto the history of the ice cream owner, even though he was never shown? ;)

    Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope to hear your input so I can make this as entertaining as possible.
    #1 Joker Apprentice, Apr 3, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2010
  2. Joker Apprentice

    Sep 20, 2009
    Likes Received:
    I am aware that people are viewing this, so..if you have thoughts/advice, please share it.
  3. Superpan

    Superpan Member

    Mar 10, 2010
    Likes Received:
    Well, it seemed alright, and to answer one of your questions in the cartoon, the headquarters of the Teen Titans is in Jump City.
  4. Joker Apprentice

    Sep 20, 2009
    Likes Received:
    Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. What do you think of my writing style, specifically at the beginning?

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