Termite Terrace Episode 1
(Ted Turner is writing calculations or WHATever on a blackboard. He notices the camera, walks over, and addresses the audience.)
Turner: Ah! You're here. Hello. Welcome. I'm Ted Turner, and soon you will all bow down before me. What you're about to see is an experiment--(He begins to walk away from Camera and around in CN Lab.) And by observing, you have become part of the experiment. (He now picks up an odd-looking, three-headed plastic animal that purrs like a cat the moment it's in his hands.) For I have shot several Looney Tunes fans into space (he points up), and am driving them crazy by letting them watch uncut prints of Looney Tunes episodes. (He first kisses then casually dumps the animal into a glass container filled with a greenish-blue liquid that's probably acid, and clearly ignores the animal's tormented wailing.) Oh, sure, we all have thought about it, but only *I* had the guts to do it! (He flings his arms to the side, thereby accidentally pushing a lever, which causes a large mechanic arm to swing at him and knock him to the ground.) OH! (He recovers and gets back up, pulling down a notepad with an enlarged photograph of Jon Cooke that is attached to large spring from the ceiling.) This is my main test subject: Jon Cooke. A disgustingly mild-mannered DOPE who has managed to survive EVERY LT chance I subjected him to. (He pushes the notepad under his arm, and balls his fist.) But perhaps THIS collection I stole from the WB vaults will drive him to the breaking point and crush his soul. And THEN I'll unleash it on an unwitting public, and then I will RULE THE WORLD! YES! (He laughs maniacally and starts spanking himself with the notepad.) I'm a naughty boy! Naughty, naughty, naugh-- (He suddenly realizes the audience is still watching.) --ty... (he releases the notepad and walks over to a lever). Well, uh,...You will join Jon in watching various LT episodes, uncut and undubbed. Now, prepare yourselves for my maddest madness yet! (he pushes the lever, smiling. A fuse blows the same moment and CN Labs goes dark. We hear his voice in the dark). Ohhh, poopie!
[CN Satellite] (jon enters with a cup of coffe)
Jon: Hi, can you guys see me? I want to know if the camera's working. Audience if you can see and hear me, do absolutley nothing. Well that went well. People of Earth, my name is Jon, and I'm marooned in outer space (takes a sip of coffe). I'm the subject of a bizzare LT-watching experiment and in a way, so are you. Oh, we got commercial sign (hits button), stick around we'll be right back.
[CN Satellite, after Commercials]
Jon: Well, now I know how Joel and Mike felt when they were marooned in space. It's kinda boring. I've hummed all the songs I know. (button flashes) Oh, I'm being called by Captain Planet and the planetteers. (hits button)
Turner: What's shakin' Barb Wire? Are you ready to feel pain?
Jon: Oh, I'm shaking in my jumpsuit. Bring it on, Dipwad.
Turner: I hope this works. (presses button)
Jon: LT SIGN!!! (jon dashes off, camera fades out and the cartoon "Daffy Duck & Egghead" fades in.)
[CN Satellite, after DD&E]
Jon: Hey, guys, c'mon out. The audience is waiting.
Sveven 9off-camera): My hair isn't done yet.
Jon: Well, hurry up! (thad enters)
Thad: Wuzzup? So, this is what being in space is like.
Jon: Yeah, in fact I can see Jupiter from here. (sveven enters)
Sveven: How's everything? (everyone else enters)
Angrew: What's up, Docs? I couldn't wait to say that!
Brandon: I'm hungry.
Sveven: Oh, you ate 5 minutes ago!
Matthew: When's the next cartoon?
Jon: Oh, right... about... now. (lt sign goes off)
Everyone: LT SIGN!!! (everyone rushes out, camera fades out, cartoon "Herr meets Hare fades in)
Jon: What WAS wrong with that cartoon? So what if it had Hitler.
Sveven: Are you saying you LIKE Hitler?!
Jon: No, I--
Sveven: And to think we were best friends.
Jon: "Were" is right. Anyway, we'll be right back.
Sveven: I take it you LIKE Hiroheto. (jon smacks sveven upside the head)
[After Commercial, cartoon "Bosko's Picture Show"]
Thad: Did Bosko say what I think he said?
Brandon: Yep. He definatly said <bleep>.
Thad: Holy, cow, Brandon!
Brandon: I did not say <bleep>!
Thad: Stop saying that! You're going to run down the bleeper!
Brandon: I'm hungry.
Thad: Ohhh... (button flashes, jon's arm extends from off camera and pushes the button)
[CN Labs, turner is at the computer]
Turner: Oh, hello. Well, I'm just searching for people worthy of being my assistant. And old guy like me can't do this job alone! Anyway, until next time... (turner picks up a remote, camera turns off, credits begin)
(Just then there was the sound of someone moving inside a closet.)
Jon: Did you hear something?
Thad: It came from the closet.
(A woman's blue shoe comes flying out of the closet.)
Thad: That's weird, who wears high heels?
(A woman's voice is heard)
Woman: Argus, nice going. Your playing around on the TTTP has gotten us here!
Jon: Argus, he went with us?
(A man comes out of the closet and crawls out. )
Thad: Argus, glad you could make it.
Argus: Yeah, sorry I was late. Let me tell you how we got here. Ted Turner sent me tickets to a VIP tour of CNN Center.
Woman: For the ump-teenth time.
Argus: This is Brittany Pierce, the web mistress of Argus Sventon's cartoon distributors site.
Brittany: Argus talked me into coming, since he only got TWO tickets. Now, the next thing you know, we get tired, and we suddenly find ourselves in this closet.
(Brittany runs back to the closet. )
Sveven: Now that Argus is here, what are we gonna do?
Argus: Ted promised me that he would show B&W Popeyes with their original Paramount logos.
Thad: He promised no more "Dubbed" versions either.
(Brittany screams from inside the closet. Argus runs to see what is the problem.)
Brittany: My word, someone stole my credit cards. (She shows her brown imitation leather checkbook wallet to everyone.)
Argus: You put them in your purse, which you left in your apartment, when we left Alabama with Magee. Oh Sh*t!!!!!
(Just then the opening notes of the 1930's Popeye theme are heard.)
Thad: ARGUS, COME HERE! Look!
(Argus dashs from the closet to the viewer to see the opening from the first ever Popeye cartoon. He only sees the mountain backdrop behind the opening credits.)
Jon: They showed the original Paramount logo.
[Everyone watches the Popeye cartoon. Just then Brittany realizes something, as Popeye eats his spinach.]
Brittany: Argus, my cell phone, where is it?
Argus: I got it, Brittany.
Sveven: It doesn't work in space.
Brittany: We gotta do something.
Argus: I gotta see the closing logo.
Sveven: Girl troubles, eh, Argus?
(Argus sits back down, as Brittany realizes what is going on. She takes her other shoe off, and sits with him.)
[CN labs, Turner is at his computer.]
Ted: Greetings, Argus, I'm happy you are here. How did you like seeing Popeye with the original opening?
Argus: It was very nice to see it with the original titles.
Ted: I'm gonna offer you a deal. I will restore all of the Popeye openings, as well as air all of the Boskos and Buddy, if you will accomplish one task. Heck I'll uncensor the Censored 11, and air a complete uncut June Bugs next year. All if you complete the task that I'm about to assign.
Argus: What's that?
(Just then, the theme to the TBS broadcasts of the Braves games is heard)
To Be Continued.
Can someone put me in the story? please?
Gotlucky64: (Enters room)
Thad: Hey Pete.
Gotlucky64: Hey Thad. Did they air the Ductators yet?
Thad: Not ye.....
Ted Turner: (Interupts Thad) Hello Mr. Melnick. I see you are hoping to view "The Ductators". Well first you must do something for me. If you want to see this cartoon rareity then you must watch a non-stop Cow and Chicken marathon for 24 hours on TV 2. Then all the WW2 cartoons can be aired on CN. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Gotlucky64: You sicko...But I'll do it.
Thad: Are you sure you can handle it?
Kiddiesunshine: No one can handle that kind of torture!
Gotlucky64: Hell, I think I can handle it.
Brandon: Are you sure?
Gotlucky64: I don't know.....What would Brian Boitano do?
Brian Boitano: (Appears as a ghost) Do it Peter! You can do it! (Fades away)
Gotlucky64: YES! I CAN DO IT!
Gotlucky64: (10 mintues into the C&C marathon) (Lying in fetal position sucking on thumb)
Ted Turner: So! You can't handle it? Then fine! If you don'ty watch it, I'll deleted your Cartoon Orbit account!
Gotlucky64: YOU WOULD'NT DARE!
Ted Turner: YES I CAN! HAHAHAHA!
Gotlucky64: Fine I'll watch it.
*24 hours later*
Cow and Chicken on tv: FART! HAHA! POOP! HA! END!
Ted Turner: So you survived! Well looks like the WW2 cartoons can now be aired on TV!
Thad: Pete! They're airing "The Ducktators!"
Gotlucky64: HOLY CRAP!
Gotlucky64: HEY! Where is the Buy Bonds ending?
Ted Turner: HA! You fool! I'd never air the original ending to it! So there!
Gotlucky64: you sick, sick man.I'll get you......
To be continued.......