Reptile Squad(seeking critiques, outside opinions, etc)
Hi everyone, I am going to place an original cartoon series that I want to make and was wondering if anyone that is interested or something would like to give their thoughts on if it is good or not. This one may be alittle rusty since it's the first one I wrote, and you don't have to waste time giving a big review if you don't want to, just a word of "it's cool/good" or "it sucks, go away" would be fine. Here is the first twisted short to it called Turtle-Cide
Greenlopogus is looking mighty peaceful today, a little too mighty peaceful. When crime breaks out and lives are in precarious situations, only three men stand tall to defend troubled lives and fight against the forces of evil. These men are...
CUT TO: The Reptile Squad driving in their car
The Reptile Squad.
The Squad is driving along a busy highway over the Olgate Bridge. Soon, Iguana points his finger and begins to talk. All of a sudden, words flash up on the screen like an old Charlie Chaplin movie.
Look, a defenseless turtle is trying to cross this busy highway.
Oh dear! No! Not a poor little turtle! What are you guys gonna do?
All of a sudden, the Squad races out of the car, save the turtle and carry it across the road, bystanders and drivers on the road applaud the saviors of the turtle as it walks on safely across the road.
Thank goodness the Squad was here to save yet again, another life.
CUT TO: The roof of a really tall building.
The same turtle who was crossing the bridge is at it again on the roof. He is crawling on the ledge and walks and walks until finally he steps onto thin air and begins to fall.
CUT TO: The Streets below
The Squad is walking around patrolling the streets when suddenly, Lizard Man looks up and stops his fellow team-mates. Point of View shot through LM's eyes as he sees the turtle is falling. Back to the LM who is shown talking.
Cut to: The Charlie Chaplin screen where the words say," Another defenseless turtle is falling, think fast, boys!"
After the words go away and show the Squad standing on the street, the turtle is shown falling, LM opens his hands and lets the turtle fall into them. Saving the turtle's life yet again. Bystanders applaud the Squad. LM shakes his finger at the turtle and speaks again.
CUT TO: Charlie Chaplin screen: The words say,"You naughty turtles love putting your lives in danger"
LM puts the turtle down, pats him on the head and the Squad walks on.
CUT TO: The Train Tracks
The same turtle whose fallen off the roof and walked out into traffic is at it again as he stands in the middle of the tracks watching the train coming.
CUT TO: Int of the Train
The Squad is now riding on the train relaxing when Anvil looks out the window to see that the Turtle is on the tracks. Anvil startles his friends and points his finger.
CUT TO: Charlie Chaplin screen: Words say," Another turtle is at it again, come on, Squad!"
Just as the train is about the nail the Turtle, Anvil's super speed saves the Turtle from being smashed by the train. Anvil sets the Turtle free. As the bystanders and people on the train cheer the Squad on.
CUT TO: The Turtle is holding a gun to his head, just as he's about to squeeze the trigger, the gun is slapped away and the Squad is shown shaking their heads.
CUT TO: A Volcano, the turtle is about to jump in when the Squad makes another save for the turtle.
CUT TO: The turtle is shown with a noose around his neck. The noose is around a pole. The Turtle jumps off his platform in an attempt to hang himself, but the Squad is right there with a giant pair of scissors and cuts the noose. The turtle looks up a little annoyed right now at the Squad who is shaking their heads.
CUT TO: The Turtle has a giant rock attached to him by a rope. He gets up on the ledge of the bridge and is about to dive in the water below when the Squad pulls him off the ledge onto the safe ground. The Turtle's face gets real red and steamy. He spikes the rock on the ground.
What is with you people? Don't you understand that I WANT to die?! My wife left me for a snapper, my children all died from a shark attack, I lost my house to an even bigger sea turtle and my job for a more qualified ninja! I want to end it all, don't you get it?!
Lizard Man speaks
CUT TO: Charlie Chaplin screen, the words say," But just because all that happened doesn't mean you have to end your life. You can always make things right, you have lots of years ahead of you."
The Turtle is shown looking at the Squad
Gee thanks, I guess I forgot there are more years I have to fix my life. Thanks a lot, you guys really are heroes.
The Turtle struts along with his eyes closed and happy, he struts right out into traffic on accident right into a Semi-Truck. The Squad is shown looking at each other, then they sneak off the screen whistling.
Looks like the Reptile Squad found out that you can't save em all. And this concludes our broadcast day, good bye!
(c) copyright 2002
What do you think? the main webpage is http://www.angelfire.com/fl5/reptilesquad
Whatever life holds in store for me, with great power comes great responsibility. This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spiderman