The Fox and the Crow in "Hardknocks 101" - a chainlink fanfic

[Pietro]

Here is the fifth Fox and Crow chainlink fanfic:

"The Wonderful World of Crowy"
(Working title: "Hardknocks 101")

(Opens on Fauntleroy Fox reading a book entitled "Making Your own Animated Cartoon")

Fox: Say! This is good stuff! Oh my, I'd love to make my own cartoon! Following this book it'll be a easy as pie! Now, the first thing I have to do is create characters for my cartoons!

(Fauntleroy gets to work. Meanwhile, Crawford Crow is walking up to Fauntleroy's doorstep. He looks at his watch)

Crawford: Hummm........three 'o clock. I'm just in time ta do me daily hecklin' on ol' Foxie! Heh, heh, heh!

(A knock is heard at the door)

Fox: Come in......

(Crawford comes in)

Crow: Hiya Foxie! Whatcha doin'?

Fox: This!

(Fauntleroy shows Crawford two poorly drawn stick figures, one named Bob, the other named Bill)

Crow: What in blue-blazes is dat?

Fox: I'm creating my own animated cartoon short! These are my characters! What do you think?

Crow: Confedentially..... it stinks!

(Pick up here)

[Thad Komorowski]

Fox: What?! Why you cad! These will become the greatest cartoon stars ever created!

Crow: Yeah, and I suppose that Brendan Fraser would star with Loo----...oh wait, uh....

Fox: See! You can't even come up with a good come-back! This is truly a work of art!

Crow: Actually, Foxie, those drawings make South Park look like DaVinci!

Fox: Why you.....

Crow: Now wait, Jack, all cartoon characters start out ugly! Remember the early voisions of Bugs Bunny and Woody Woodpecker?

Fox: Why yes, I do believe you are right...

Crow: Now the 'foist thing we gotta do is change Bob to a platypus, and Bill to a hedgehog!

Fox: Why would we do THAT? And why are you saying WE?

Crow: Well, I have appointed myself as your new manager! And I already have a slot on the FOX* network for your show in six months!

Fox: WHAT?! I've only drawn one picture, and I already have a manager? And NOW I have a timeslot?! AND I HAVE TO FINISH THIS IN SIX MONTHS? THIS IS ABSURD! AND HOW DID ALL OF THIS HAPPEN IN JUST THE SECOND PART OF ANOTHER ONE OF THESE CHAINLINK STORIES?!

Crow: Blame poor writing, Jack. But don't worry, Foxie I'll help ya out...

Fox: No, you've caused ENOUGH problems for one day...

Crow: OK, but at least let me tell you why you should change Bob to a platypus, and Bill to a hedgehog!

Fox: OK, explain to me WHY I should change Bob to a platypus, and Bill to a hedgehog...

Crow: Well, human cartoon characters ALWAYS fail. Just look at what happened to the Captain and the Kids!

Fox: I do believe you are right on that one, Crowie.

Crow: Splendid, Foxie! NOW GET TO WOIK OR YOUR FIRED!

Fox: What are you talking about?!



Thad K

[Pietro]

Crow: I'm yer boss remember?

Fox: Oh yes!

Crow (to himself): Stupid Fox.

Fox: WHAT WAS THAT?

Crow: Uh.......nothing, Foxie! Uh....heh, heh!

Later........

Fox: Oh Mr. Crow, boss, sir, here's the storyboard for my first picture! I decided to make an educational, non-violent, limited-animation cartoon! What do you think?

Crow: Humm.......dis stinks! Ya call dis art?

Fox: Why you flithy, no-good, crooked crow! I quit!

Crow: Oh yeah, youse also gotta pay me two bucks fer quittin'!

Fox: You chiseling crow! I hate you!

(Fauntleroy pays Crawford the two dollars)

Fox: Eeeeeeeeee!

Crow: Aww, shad up!

Fox: Oooooooh......you! Get out of my house! I shall NOT tolerate such........such.......CROWNESS! Now get out! Get out! GET OUT!

(Crawford leaves Fauntleroy's house)

Crow: Humm........I gotta git back in Foxie's house! But, how? Ah ha! I got it!

Later......

(A knock is heard at the door)

Fox: Coming! Just a minute!

(Fauntleroy opens the door, and sees Crawford wearing a suit and a fake mustache)

Fox: Who are you?

Crow: I'm Walt Crowy! Da greatest animation pioneer who ever lived! I'm da guy responsible fer such classics as "Steamboat Crowie!"

Fox: Yes! Yes!

(Pick up here)

[Thad Komorowski]

Crow: Yes sirree, I'm 'da best of 'da best! I'll show ya how to animate like me!

Fox: You will? Oh splendid, splendid! When can we start?

Crow: Well, there is of course a fee for these lessons...

Fox: Oh of course, er, uh how much?

Crow: Two dollars.....

Fox: Splendid!

Crow: ..... a minute.

Fox: What?!

Crow: And I only teach lessons SIX hours at a time, and DAILY!

Fox: Then I'm getting jipped out of $720 a day! And how do I know you're REALLY Walt Crowy?

Crow: Oh, so you'd like a little proof, eh Jack?

Fox: Of course!

Crow: Close your eyes and don't peak while I draw a masterpiece!

Fox: I promise! (Fox covers his eyes)

The Crow grabs the Fox's credit card out of his pocket, and runs out of the house. He then quickly comes back with a sketch of Mickey Mouse, with a price tag of $1000. He then puts the Fox's credit card back in the Fox's pocket.

Crow: OK, you can look now!

Fox: Oh it's beautiful! I want to draw JUST like that!

Crow: OK, let's get started, Foxie, er uh, Mr. Fox...



Thad K

[Pietro]

Crow: Foist lesson, is creatin' da character!

Fox: I already have that done, Mr. Walt Crowy, uh, sir........

(Fauntleroy shows his crummy drawn stick figures of Bob and Bill)

Crow: What do youse call DAT?

Fox: Bob and Bill!

Crow: No, I call it trash!

Fox: What?

Crow: Youse gotta loin dis stuff! An' someday ya might even make an animated feature! (to the audience) Hopefully, not very soon, though.

Fox: Really?

Crow: Sure! Like when I made "Crow White an' da Seven Dopes!"

(Fox giggles to himself)

Crow: So, foist we change Bob to a platypus, and Bill to a hedgehog!

Fox: Now, see here, Mr. Walt Crowy! I like my characters just the way they are, I don't want them to be platypuses and hedgehogs! I want to escape from the "funny animals" formula!

Crow: Oh, so, DAT'S how it is, eh, chum? I guess youse don't wanna create a successful picture! You have insulted da great "Walt Crowy!"

Fox: Oh, I'm terribly sorry! Please, tell me what to do with my characters.

Crow: Okay, foist ya gotta git rid of Bill, because he's just takin' up space! Den, youse only got Bob da Platypus ta woik wit, which is good, because Bob is gonna be yer new, number one cartoon star! Jus' like me own big-time cartoon star, Crowy Crowse. What do ya tink chum?

TO BE CONTINUED......

[Thad Komorowski]

Fox: Well, I guess it sounds OK...

Crow: OK?!?! This'll get us da Oscar for sure!

Fox: Well, if you say so..... hey, I thought this was going to be a TV cartoon?!

Crow: Then it'll get us an Emmy then! Sheesh... Anyway, we gotta make him stupid.

Fox: Stupid? What do you mean?

Crow: Well, we gotta give him a big stupid bow tie, with a white collar. Then we gotta give Bob a big pair of cheap blue pants!

Fox: Hmm, that outfit sounds familiar....

Crow: That's when we bring back Bill, who's in 'da form of a cruh---er uh, cockatoo!

Fox: A cockatoo, eh?

Crow: Yeah, the cockatoo can wear a doiby hat, and smoke a cigar all the time! And he fools Bob into giving him stuff all the time, usually two dollars!

Fox: Gee, this formula is sounding very, very, close to another series I'm thinking about...



Thad K

[Pietro]

Crow: Nevermind dat! Infact, skip it! Youse don't need dose shave-an'-a-haircut-two-bit characters! What youse need is some advice from yer ol' Crow-esque pal, Walt Crowy! What you need ta do is make one-shot cartoons!

Fox: One-shot cartoons? What are those?

Crow: Okay, stupid, one-shots are cartoons wit' no starrin' characters!

Fox (concerned): So........No Bill or Bob?

Crow: What? Yer still mopein' an' dopein' over dem bland creations? Yer better off woiking at a fast-food joint of da well-known medium!

Fox (depressed): Oh.

Crow: Trust me, Foxie.....er, Mr. Fox, des one-shot cartoons are bound ta pick up da audience's interest! You could call 'em "Foxie Kartoonies!"

(Fauntleroy brightens up)

Fox: Really? Oh my! I'll do it!

Crow: Dat a boy, Foxie! (starts fake tearing up) You'd make Walt Disney.........er, some udder famous animation pioneer pround!

Fox: Oh! I can hardly wait!

Crow: 'Nuff small talk, Foxie! Leave us storyboard da foist picture!

TO BE CONTINUED.......

[DanMat6288]

Fox: I'm gonna be famous! I'm gonna be big with stars, celebraties, even time travelers!

Crow: Time travelers?

Fox: Don't look at me. The Caption Cap just wanted me to say that.

[Suddenly Zap! a boy, a man, and a robot appear in the corner.]

Otto(boy): Renacance, Itally. Land of art, science, and-- wait a minute. This isn't the Renacance.

[Otto and Tuddrussel(man) turn to Larry(robot).]

Larry: [as a side note to the audience] Robot? I have feelings, dreams--

[meanwhile at the Matviya household...]

DanMat6288: No mean to be rude, but don't you think you should get back into the story?

[back at the story]

Larry: Eh, whatever. [goes back to Tuddrussel and Otto] Well you try to navigate through the time-space continual. It's not that easy.

Signed, Danny Matviya (aka DanMat6288)