Eyewitness to History: Francis Galton
[A graphic appears on screen with the EtH logo and the dancing eyeball.]
CHEERY FRANK WELKER VOICED NARRATOR: And now, it's "Eyewitness to History", with your host, Charity Bazaar!
[Cut to CHARITY, seated on a laboratory table next to a classroom skeleton hanging on a metal frame.]
CHARITY [in her usual quiet fashion]: The year is 1838; the place, Birmingham, England. A young man named Francis Galton performs his internship in Birmingham General hospital, where he is learning the medical trade.
[Pan over to a balding young man with thick sideburns and eyebrows, reading a thick medical book and scribbling notes on a pad. Pan back to CHARITY.]
CAHARITY: Galton is a brilliant man with an estimated IQ of 200. His cousin is Charles Darwin, who created the theory of evolution. [A graphic of DARWIN briefly appears at her left shoulder, holding a Galapagos tortise.] Galton's interests are wide and varied, including the study of fingerprints [holding up an inkpad and fingerprint sheet], how well prayer works[holds up a Bible,] meteorology [holds up a weather sock], sound [holds up a whistle] and inventing such things as lockpicking devices and periscopes {holds up one of each]. He eventually wrote "Hereditary Genius", published in 1869, which basically states that smart people have smart kids.
During his apprenticeship at Birmingham General, Galton decided to test the effectiveness of each medicine in his pharmacy by taking a little bit of each and noting what happened. [Cut to GALTON drinking from a small bottle labeleld "alcohol". The background music is "How Dry I Am". He smacks his lips, obviously liking it, looks around quickly, then drinks more. Cut back to CHARITY.]
CHARITY: Sadly, Galton's experiment ended real fast when he got to the C's. He drank some croton oil...
[Cut to GALTON drinking said medicine. A thick rumbling noise is hard; Galton clutches his stomach and turns green. He dashes out the classroom door, leaving fluttering papers behind him.]
CHARITY: ...which is a very potent laxative. [smiles very slightly]
[Zip pan to a closed door with a sign reading "ocupado" on it. A flatulent noise is heard, folowed by relieved moaning.]
[Zip pan to LYDIA KARAOKE at her desk, not looking pleased.]
L.K.: Please tell me why all these sketches have to end on such a note...huh? [Another flatulent noise is heard. LYDIA shakes her head, irritatedly massaging her eyes with thumb and forefinger.]
[The grapic and eyeball reappear on screen.]
CHEERY ANNOUNCER: This has been Eyewitness to History, with Charity Bazaar!
[A third flatulent noise and relieved moan is heard. Iris out.]