CONTINUING: Rest of "Lethal Intellect"!

[Anthonynotes]

Broke it up so it wouldn't get *too* big for one page dowload-wise :-)
>>>
[We see the crew setting up to film in a lab room. Brain speaks into a megaphone.]

BRAIN: Now in this scene— [The megaphone emits a painful screeching noise. Brain quickly shakes it, and continues.] In this scene, we see the struggles of the female scientist, as the landlord comes and says he's foreclosing on the Lab, if she doesn't pay her rent in two days. [Whispered to Pinky & Billie] Could you guys possibly have made this thing any more cliché? [Back into the megaphone.] Anyway, uh... [Flips ahead a few pages in his copy of the script.] Then, a horde of rampaging Robo-Killers™ enters and tries to hack her to shreds. Arnold, you will play the landlord, who as it turns out later on, is also the evil supervillain behind this whole thing, who wants to put an end to Ms. Weaver's work, because it threatens his business, as well as wanting to bump off Mr. Foley as revenge for the death of his father. [Brain glares at Pinky & Billie, who shrug. Brain sighs.]

ARNOLD: Alright. I am ready for my close-up, Mr. Brain.

BRAIN: Then...roll 'em!

[We see Sigourney working in the Lab mixing chemicals. Suddenly, the door swings open and Arnold heads in.]

ARNOLD: Ms. ...um, Smith...I'm afraid I am heah to shut down da laboratory.

SIGOURNEY: But...you can't!

ARNOLD: Yah, 'cause da rent is laate. I give you two days, yah? Daht is more den faair.

SIGOURNEY: But...I'm *THIS* close to completing my experiment! I'll make millions! You'll get your rent! You'll see!

[Cut to the mice. Brain whispers to Billie.]

BRAIN: The hackneyed script is bad enough, but if she doesn't stop overacting soon, I think I'm going to lurch...

[Back to the other two.]

ARNOLD: You haff two days. Daht is daht. So long...for now. [Laughs maniacally for a moment, then coughs. He clears his throat.] Goot day. [He runs out of the set and rushes over to Brain.] How vas daht? Did I overdo it on da maniacal laughing? I neffer laughed maniacally before...

BRAIN: You were fine, fine...now, cue the Robo-Killers™!

[Cut back to the set. Suddenly, a ton of little robot thingees walk in. They're not much larger than a child's toys.]

BILLIE: *THOSE* are the Robo-Killers™?! Where did you get them, a McDonald's™ Happy Meal giveaway?!

BRAIN: Er, close...actually, I used the tickets Arnold won at Chunk E. Cheesy's to get them as our prize... [Billie slaps her face.] Well, what do you want?! Our budget is on a level to rival Public Access Television's! We have to bear with what we've got... Besides, *I* think they're rather convincing...as long as we don't let the little winders on their backs show onscreen... [Billie rolls her eyes and walks away.]

[Sigourney climbs up on the table. She rips off her lab coat to reveal the same outfit as the previous scene, and the same Big Futuristic-Looking Gun™. She strikes a dramatic pose with the gun, but before she can shoot any of the little buggers, they start to explode. She looks around frightened.]

BILLIE: Ooo, neat effects, Eggy! I take back that crack from before!

BRAIN: Er..thanks, but...this wasn't in the script either!

PINKY: Gee, if I didn't know better, I'd say someone didn't *WANT* this movie to get made and is using a variety of sabotages to discourage us!

BRAIN: Pinky! Enough with your trite platitudes! We've got to help Sigourney!

[Speaking of whom...we cut back to her, as the Robo-Killers™ continue to explode all around. Some begin to climb up on the table next to her and she smacks them down with the butt of her Big Futuristic-Looking Gun™. Suddenly, they all freeze. Some fall over flat on their faces.]

BRAIN: Whew! Looks like the winders ran down! They're stopped! [He begins to run over to Sigourney.]

PINKY: Er...but should that effect any explosives that might've been placed on the Robo-Thingees, Brain?

BRAIN: [Now right in the midst of the Robo-Killers™.] Er...actually...I suppose not... [Suddenly, all the remaining Robo-Killers™ explode at once, leaving a black-fried Brain left standing there, quite dazed.] To quote the immortal Oliver Hardy...ooohhhh... [Keels over.]

[Fade to sometime later...we see the entire Lethal Intellect crew at JFK International Airport, standing near an empty plane hanger. Brain's completely recovered from the previous bit of pointless slapstick violence...]

AXEL: What the (bleep) are we doin' at JFK? I'm not plannin' on headin' back ta Michigan anytime soon...

BRAIN: We're here to shoot the next part of this film! Now in this scene, Cynthia and Sigourney must find the bomb that's been planted inside of the plane hanger, which is really one of the master villain's multiple secret headquarters! During this time, we'll also shoot footage of Pinky and Axel engaging in various hilarious airport-related hijinks, with appropriate background music...speaking of which, *where* are the Voo Doo dolls?

BILLIE: Beats me...I'd think that they'd be here by now.

BRAIN: Well, since they're not here, we'll have to rely on the musical stylings of Mr. Combs for this bit... [Pan over to see that Puff Daddy is amongst the group, albeit on crutches] Now, then, Mr. Combs, can you create appropriate wacky music for the required humor scenes?

PUFF DADDY: No problem, man! I've got everything I need right here! [Holds up a CD reading "Best Wacky Hits of the '80's: From Devo to Weird Al"; Brain groans]

BRAIN: Very well... let's begin! [To the film crew] Half of you cover Pinky and Axel, and the other half cover the hanger scene! [They split up] Annnd...ACTION!

[Cut to the hanger; we see Sigourney and Cynthia wander around...]

CYNTHIA: The bomb could be anywhere...we must split up!

SIGOURNEY: Right! [Whips out another Big Futuristic-Looking Gun, and they split up. We see Sigourney creep around the darkened hanger, looking for the bomb; water drips from the ceiling, a la the Aliens films. Suddenly, she hears something behind her, and turns around. She sees dropping down from the ceiling a stuffed dummy that resembles Arnold, with a timer and a tape recorder attached.]

ARNOLD'S VOICE: So, you've found one of mah many multiple hideouts, yah! But you'll nevah find my *final* hideout! Now, prepare to be exploded severely! [The timer on the dummy begins to tick backwards from 60 seconds...]

SIGOURNEY: I've found the bomb! [Cynthia runs over]

CYNTHIA: Great! Now we'll just have to disarm it, before the entire place goes up like fireworks on the Fourth of July!

[Cut away from this, to the wacky airport scene. We see Pinky, still dressed like Axel Foley, is eating at the airport's McDonald's™ restaurant...he's laughing idiotically, and annoying the other patrons.]

PINKY: WAHAHAHA! This is great! Pricier airport versions of *great*-tasting food! *NARF*! [Takes out the prize; it's a miniature airplane toy] [Pinky waves it around, making airplane noises] Zoom! Whoosh! Hahaha!

[From off-screen, we hear sounds of Axel cursing profusely...]

AXEL: Hey! You! Get over here and help me out with this (bleep)in' thing!

PINKY: Um, OK!

[Pinky runs over to Axel, who's standing at the baggage return carousel.]

PINKY: Um, what's wrong?

AXEL: Wait—first, I have to have a sip of this delicious, highly satisfying name-brand beverage! [Whips out a bottle of Coca-Cola™, holds it up long enough for the camera to linger on it, then takes a long drink.] Mmmm...now that's the real (bleep), baby!

PINKY: Ooooh, I'll bet it is! [Looks at his wardrobe] Just like this stylish, Major League Baseball™-licensed Detroit Tigers jacket, Converse™ sneakers, and Levi's™ blue jeans are! *NARF*!

AXEL: [Setting his bottle of overpriced carbonated sugar water down] Now then, which one's our (bleep)in' bags?

PINKY: Hmmm...I dunno...they all look the same to me...

AXEL: Well, one of them's gotta be it!

PINKY: Uhh....maybe it's *that* one? [Points to a bag, which has large letters labelled Pinky plastered on the side of it] Don't worry, I'll get it! [Pinky climbs up onto the carousel, and tries moving the bag; however, it continues along the carousel path. Pinky climbs on top of it, and begins laughing wildly and waving]

PINKY: Hi-yo, Samsonite™! Away! Hahahaha!

AXEL: Hey! Get the (bleep) down from there! [Axel climbs onto the carousel, and grabs the bag; however, they're swept down a belt and towards a baggage loading center. They pass through an x-ray machine (with the usual cartoon-skeleton-cutaway gag seen), followed by a dimbulb baggage handler throwing the duo and bag sloppily into the back of a cart, attached to a golf cart-sized buggy. Axel and Pinky land in the front seat, and inadvertently start the cart's motor, sending it careening wildly all over the place, and towards the empty hanger.]

[Cut back to the hanger...we see the "Dynamic Duo" are still trying to diffuse the bomb...]

BRAIN: [Whispering] That isn't a *real* bomb in the device, is it?

BILLIE: [Whispering] Well, the JFK airport security said in this case we could...

BRAIN: [Whispering] *WHAT*?!

BILLIE: [Whispering] Yes...they'd been meaning to demolish this hanger for years, and finally found someone willing to do the job for cheap! Didn't *that* work out well in our favor?

BRAIN: [Slaps his face] Let's just hope that they diffuse the bomb in time...

[Cut to the women.]

SIGOURNEY: Stand back! I know a thing or two about bombs...now let's get this diffused! [Begins examining the wires carefully...meanwhile, cut back to the careening-out-of-control Axel and Pinky, who've wound up racing down an airport runway in their runaway cart. Pull back to see that this is being monitored once again by our Mysterious Executive...]

EXECUTIVE: Oh, ho, ho, this is rich! Thanks to disabling the brakes and steering on that cart of theirs, this film's going *be* "da bomb"! Ha!

[Cut back to the Cursing One and the Laughing One, with their film crew following behind them...]

AXEL: Hey! The brakes don't work on this (bleep)in' thing! That's not in the script!

PINKY: And neither is *that*! [Points ahead to a 747 that's taxiing towards them...Axel and Pinky scream. The plane's pilot, seeing this, also screams, and turns the plane away from the cart, but winds up heading towards the empty, bomb-containing hanger. The cart also winds up careening towards the hanger as well...inside:]

SIGOURNEY: Um...perhaps *this* does something? [Pulls a wire; we see that it does nothing. The rest of the crew look at this nervously.]

BRAIN: [Looking behind him] What's that noise?

[All turn around, to see that heading towards them is the 747, followed in close pursuit by the out-of-control baggage cart. All scream, and race out of the hanger, dragging their filming equipment with them. The 747 pulls to a stop just outside the hanger; however, the golf cart keeps careening ahead, and winds up slamming into the bomb-containing dummy. Axel and Pinky jump off, and race out of the hanger at top speed. We also see the plane's pilot and crew climb out of the plane, as well as...]

BILLIE: The *VOO DOO DOLLS*! I thought they'd never get here!

LEAD SINGER: Yep, it's us! Finally made it...but not on the best of transport means...lousy discount airline flights...

[Suddenly, the hanger blows up; we see the hanger collapse, yet amazingly causing little damage to the plane itself. All breathe a sigh of relief.]

BRAIN: [Raising an eyebrow at Axel and Pinky] Pinky, what happened?

AXEL: Somebody took the (bleep)in' brakes and steering off that cart! We were careenin' outta control!

BRAIN: Sounds like another mysterious "accident"...hmm...come, let us return to the lab, and prepare for the next scene...

[The entire Lethal Intellect staff and the Voo Doo Dolls leave the scene...]

[Cut to the executive-guy's office, which is finally better-lit this time. We see that his office walls are adorned with posters advertising such films as "The Abysmal", "Illegal Aliens", and so forth....we see at his desk that his back is still turned to us, but not for long...we see him finally swivel around, to reveal that this figure is a caricature of director James Cameron. The figure grips a small statue of a Verminator on his desk, and grips it tightly, before it finally breaks in two. A nameplate is finally seen as well for this caricature: "Jim Macaroon"]

MACAROON: GAAAH! Those fools *survived*! (Rubs the sides of his head) I need to relax----(yells off-screen) enter, my loyal subjects!

[We see rush into the room are several minions dressed like medieval palace aides; they swarm the director with a royal robe, crown, and a cup of coffee...]

MINION: Anything else you need, sire?

MACAROON: Yes....the Brain to cease production of his film!

MINION #2: Is there a particular reason why, sire?

MACAROON: Of course! One reason, two words: "Verminator 3"!

[He points to a poster reading "Coming Soon: Verminator 3: The Killfest Continues!", with a picture of a Verminator wielding big honkin' guns]

MACAROON: I've spent *years* working on trying to bring "V3" to fruition, and I'm not about to have my thunder stolen by someone about to release what could be the biggest cinematic action-filled hit since....

MINION: Your movie about the big sinking boat?

MACAROON: Indeed... (Points to another poster, reading "LUSITANIA"; a subcaption reads "Passion and drama amongst the German U-Boats!" The lead actor shown appears to look as if he hasn't quite finished puberty yet; he looks a bit like the squeaky-voiced teenager on the "Simpsons"...) "Lusitania" brought in enough money to buy out China---but it won't be surpassed or matched by the likes of "Lethal Intellect". That is, not as long as I still have that ace up my sleeve.... (Presses a button on a callbox) Peterson? Is the Verminator robot we ordered from Cincinnati's ACME Labs still recharging?

PETERSON: (VO) Yes, sir, it is....and we've finished filming for today on the "V3" set.

MACAROON: *Excellent*. Bring it to my limo; I'll be down in five minutes.

PETERSON: Are you planning some sort of movie promotion, sir?

MACAROON: (Grins slyly) You might say that....(hangs up) By this time next week, "Lethal Intellect" will be little more than a mere memory...and *I* will still reign as---KING OF THE CINEMA! (Laughs sinisterly and raises his fists, as dramatic music plays)

[Cut to ACME Labs, where the final film editing's being done by the mice on the lab's computers. The crew is still there, save for the Voo Doo Dolls.]

BILLIE: Hmph...nice going, Eggy. Thanks to your budgeting, we didn't have enough to keep the Dolls on to do a song number for this thing!

BRAIN: Well, with the "budget" we got from the studio, we couldn't help it. Besides, we managed to find a substitute "love ballad" for the big romantic scene between one of the cyborg drones and Cynthia...

BILLIE: (Making a face) Yes....but, still----"Sugar Sugar"?!

BRAIN: Well, it was either that, or "Yummy Yummy Yummy I've Got Love In My Tummy"... (glares at Pinky, who laughs at this song title) There wasn't much to choose from at the bookmobile's CD stacks...and Mr. Combs over there has run into a few, ahem, "difficulties" with the soundtrack to our film.

[Pan over to Mr. Combs, now with only one arm in a sling, as he's reading over a pile of "cease and desist" orders issued by the artists whose songs he was trying to "borrow" for the soundtrack.]

PUFF: Feh....who'd figure that Devo had *lawyers*?

BRAIN: (Rolling his eyes) Well, at this rate, as soon as the "soundtrack"'s done, and the final editing's complete, we'll be ready to bring forth unto the world "Lethal Intellect"---and my *rule*!

PINKY: Oooooh, sounds *wonderful*, Brain! I'm all a-tingle!

[Outside the window of the lab, we see a limo parked in the street. Near the front window, we see a steely, metallic figure with glowing red eyes look in....we see the mice in a set of viewfinders, with computer text reading "TARGET: PINKY AND BRAIN....ASSIGNMENT: BRAIN-DEATH BEFORE LETHAL INTELLECT PREMIERE". Cutting to the limo, we see Macaroon glee evilly at this, before ordering his driver to pull away....]

[Cut to sometime several days later, at the Artemis Theater in Harlem, New York; the theater's done up spectacularly for the premiere of "Lethal Intellect", with searchlights, velvet ropes, red carpet, the works. The marquee reads: "TONIGHT: Theatrical Debut of 'Lethal Intellect'". We see a crowd of screaming fans, and a limo pull up....out steps the various stars of the film, all dudded up for the occasion in formal clothes (with Pinky and Brain dressed as they were in "Cinebrainia"). Cutting to inside the theater, we see the stars of the film are seated in a roped-off section in the back row...]

BRAIN: (To Pinky) This is it, Pinky...if this film's a hit with the low-brow masses, we'll be sure to take over the *WORLD*! Did you distribute the free passes to tonight's performance to the various critics?

PINKY: (Points to caricatures of Roger Ebert, Gene Shalit, and other famous reviewers in the front row) Right there! And *this* time, no shampoo...(whispers to Brain) it wasn't on sale at the supermarket this week, POIT!

BRAIN: (Rolling his eyes) Wonderful... (to Axel) Did you give the same passes to places where likely fans of this film would congregate, Axel?

AXEL: Yep! That seedy bar down the street, an arena football game, and a WWF "Smackdown" bout!

BRAIN: *Excellent*. Cynthia, did you put those pictures of yourself on the "Lethal Intellect" website?

CYNTHIA: You mean the pictures of me in that completely gratuitous scene where I had to go to Hawaii and prance around in that swimsuit?!

BRAIN: *Indeed*....such scantily-clad tactics are another factor in attracting the typical age 18-34 male action movie crowd!

BILLIE: (Makes another face at the thought of that scene) Maybe so, but I think that bit set back us women a good couple of years...

BRAIN: Don't worry....by the time this film's done, we'll be taking women *and* men light-years forward!

[The theater darkens, indicating the show's about to begin...however, something seems amiss: we see a figure at the bottom edge of the screen with glowing eyes and a metallic finish]

BRAIN: (Annoyed) Of all the insensitive rudeness---(Yells) Would you be so kind as to perform the act known in the common vernacular as "DOWN IN FRONT"?!

FIGURE: (In a heavy Austrian accent) No prah-blem...I'd be glad to...

[The lights in the theater light up, as everyone gasps at what appears on the stage in front of the screen: namely, the Verminator itself! Who is joined in short order by Jim Macaroon and (all healed up) Molly Ringwald...the audience begins mumbling/talking amongst themselves...]

PINKY: Egad! It's the King of the World himself! (Seeing Molly) And that "Pickup Artist" lady, POIT!

BRAIN: (To Pinky, annoyed) *I* am the rightful owner of that "King" title... (walks down the aisle towards the "Dynamic Trio") And I'd like to know what purpose this...."disruption"...is to serve!

[Anthonynotes]

MACAROON: Well, you see, it's quite simple---there's no way that "Lethal Intellect" can possibly succeed! I've got too much invested in "Verminator 3" to have *this* film possibly overshadow it...and I refuse to have my picture possibly fail due to some "film" that involved a hanger blowing up at JFK...

BRAIN: So it *was* you who was trying to sabotage our efforts....how *typical*...

PINKY: (Joining Brain) And you were helping him with his nefarious schemes and cookie-making, weren't you?! POIT!

MOLLY: (Shrugs) What can I say? Macaroon promised me a role in that sequel to "Lusitania" he has in the works.... "Valdez: Just when you thought it was safe for wildlife to go back in the Alaskan water!"

BILLIE: (Joining Brain) And of course, now you're all planning on using that Verminator there to engage in some sort of cliched Final Confrontation™ where you'll be inevitably somehow blown to kingdom come in some senselessly violent manner...look, if your film really *is* as "good" as it professes to be, there's no reason to try to---

BRAIN: (Thinking) Hmm... cliched and senselessly violent.... (Stops Billie in mid-sentence) Well, if you *really* wish to settle this in the usual manner, then I don't see why not.

MACAROON: Fine with me.... *nobody* defeats the King of the World! (To the audience) My loyal cinematic subjects! Please observe your rightful celluloid ruler's defeat of these upstart serfs! Then you shall all learn that there is only *one* person who can provide you with the type of entertainment that "Dork Angel" can give...

BILLIE: (Sarcastically) For good *reason*....

MACAROON: (Annoyed) Very well, then....I guess I'll have to utilize Verm here to end this now... Verminator!

VERMINATOR: Vith plea-zhure.... (aims his cybernetically-enhanced arm at the mice, and his hand changes to a machine gun-type nozzle...)

PINKY: POIT! What'll we do?! We didn't bring any silly devices or tricks for *this* Final Confrontation™-thingy...

BRAIN: We don't need to, Pinky...someone else already has... (Whistles loudly) Sigourney? Cynthia? Arnold?!

[We see the three stars zoom towards the stage in a kickboxing-leaping-style, with the background/music resembling something from an action scene in the "Powerpuff Girls"...the three slam into the Verminator, with the 'bot sent flying across the stage and slamming into the wall. The robot staggers to get back up, but we see Sigourney's brought a few items of her Kewl Futuristic Techno-Gear with her: she puts on some sort of glove with wires running along it, and proceeds to punch Verm in the jaw, staggering the deadly cybernetic solider once more...]

VERMINATOR: Ow! That actually hurt, little lady-type-person...

MACAROON: (Yelling in a cliched villain-type manner) Stop them!

[As the kewl zooming background effects/pulsing music continues to play, we see Arnold grapple with the robot, and Cynthia grappling with Molly ...]

CYNTHIA: Give it up! I'm a bigger name than *you* are these days...and none of my films even made it to the *theater* before hitting video!

MOLLY: Oh, *yeah*, miss "B-actor"? Why don't you go join Britney Spears and Kid Rock and make some stupid "Simpsons" cameo?

CYNTHIA: (Annoyed by that remark) Oh, I *know* you *didn't*.... (lays a karate-style punch on Molly, sending her to the floor)

ARNOLD: OK, big mousey robot man....time to put you in dah coo-lah!

VERMINATOR: Dat's so funny, I forgot to laff...did you use dat line in dat awful smelly "Batman" movie-film?

ARNOLD: (Looks upset) Don't make fun of me for doing...dat...*MOVIE*! (Lands another blow to Verm) I knew I should've played this pathetic robot-thing mahself for "V3"...

MACAROON: (To Verminator and Molly) Quick! Get up! I, your lord and master, *command* you! (Whips out his sceptor, and whaps both of them on the head)

MOLLY: (Rubbing her head) OW! I'm up, I'm *up*...geez! (Gets up and assumes a fight pose)

VERMINATOR: All vight, all vight, I'm getting up, puny ego-oversized director-person... (Gets up, and whips out a large bazooka) OK, time to end dis thing, pathetic actor-persons...

CYNTHIA: I couldn't agree more....guys?

ARNOLD, SIGOURNEY: Right!

AXEL: (Sitting in the audience, watching all this) (Whistles) Glad I'm not bruisin' my (bleep) knuckles playin' "Last Action Hero"...

[In yet another Powerpuff Girls-esque fight montage, we see still scenes of Cynthia, Sigourney, and Arnold all laying blows on the Verminator and Molly...off-screen, we hear the audience clamoring wildly. Finally, Arnold lays one more blow, sending Vermy slamming into Macaroon and Molly, which knocks his sceptor out of Macaroon's hand and hits a button on one of Verm's weapons marked "detonation". All three look at each other, then at the camera with their pupils dilating, before we see an earth-(or stage-) shattering "KA-BOOOOOOM"! When the smoke clears, we see a large hole in the ceiling shaped like the three "Lethal Intellect" opponents, with the trio heard screaming, which soon fades into nothingness....inside, the audience in attendance all scream, and applaud the actors/fighters, who take a bow onstage....]

BILLIE: Nice work letting the cast take those guys out, Eggy....

PINKY: Oh, yes...but still, that robot-thingy's no Mojo Jojo, POIT!

GENE SHALIT: The feel-good Final Confrontation™ of the year! This was certainly an interesting promotion...

ROGER EBERT: I agree....this promotion was like "The Pickup Artist" meets "Almost Famous" meets "Star Wars"! Drama, pathos, action...and a touch of humor!

BRAIN: (Overhearing this) (To the rest) If they like *that*, then they'll love what's coming up... (Motions for the audience to calm down) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen....and now, without further adieu...

[Cut to some guy in the audience, who had been videotaping the whole Final Confrontation™ with a camcorder...]

GUY IN AUDIENCE: Duh, what's "adieu" mean?

GUY #2: I think it means, uh..... something related to doggie doo? (Both laugh immaturely at said insipid "joke")

GUY: Oh, yeah....huh-huh... (yanks out the tape and labels it "Kewl Fight Stuff From Lethal Intellect")

BRAIN: ...we'll begin with the *real* reason you're all here: "LETHAL INTELLECT"! (The audience clamors some more, as the group head back for their seats; the lights dim, and the film begins....)

[Cut to several hours later, with the closing scene of the picture....on the screen:]

PINKY: (As if reading from a script) Egad...they...are..all..dead...poit.

AXEL: (Who's holding a roll of toilet paper and a plunger, related to the previous toilet joke bit in the movie) Yeah! We showed those (bleeps) who's boss! That 430-somethin' car explosion turned those walkin' Power Macs into Apple-sauce!

CYNTHIA: (Melodramatically) They're dead...all dead...

ARNOLD: (Grimly looking over a pile of broken/destroyed Robo-Killers™, with Cynthia and Sigourney in both arms) Yah.... (music builds to a crescendo, as the camera zooms in on his face) But dey'll be *BACK*. (The film cuts to black, as the credits roll, with a rap tune that sounds vaguely like the old song "Tainted Love" plays out...)

[We see the crowd of attendees walk out of the theater, conversing with themselves...they seem reasonably excited....they're followed by our protagonists...]

BRAIN: (Noting the excitement) Yes! Soon, "Lethal Intellect" will enamorate the entire populace of low-brow theater goers...they'll *all* want to worship the one who brought them such imbecillic, low-brow fare---*ME*! (Realizes what he just said) Er....perhaps I should rephrase that...

BILLIE: Come on, Eggy...we've got a wrap party to go to... (To Pinky) First one to Chunk E. Cheesy's gets to play in the ball room!

PINKY: Large colorful balls the same size as us? Oh, goody! HAHAHAHA!

BRAIN: (Sighs) Celebrate now...but once the box office tallies come in, we'll soon see a much greater "wrap party"...a *global* sized one!

[We see them all exit....several days later, back at the lab, we see the mice (sans the rest of the cast, who've all gone home) are gathered around the TV set watching "Entertainment Today"; Mary Hartless is on the screen...]

MARY HARTLESS: ...and that's how soon Puff Daddy expects to settle the various lawsuits against him from the producers of every rap album released in the past 15 years. And now, turning to this weekend's box office ratings...

BRAIN: This is it....our assured success!

PINKY: I'm all a-tingle! Though I think it's just from leaving in that conditioner too long...

MARY HARTLESS: And the numbers are *in*! Grossing $85 million in its opening weekend, the top film and biggest smash debut of the year is... "Mulan Rogue", the charming story about 19th century lovers and the tragedy they face during the Spanish-American War when one is called away to become a correspondent/cartoonist about the war for the Baltimore Sun, while the other becomes a wealthy sophisticate. This mismatched romance between a (chuckles) *cartoonist* and sophisticate is Mirafax's biggest-grossing debut to date this year and---

BRAIN: *WHAT*?!? That's impossible! Why isn't "Lethal Intellect" at the top of the list?!?

BILLIE: Gee, I dunno...

MARY HARTLESS: Lots of boyfriends were dragged to seeing *this* blockbuster by their dates...

GUY BEING INTERVIEWED: I know, it's a "chick flick", but....what can I say? That chick who placed the lead actress was *hot*! Schwing, baby! (Laughs a la Beavis and Butt-Head)

BRAIN: (Annoyed) But *our* film had plenty of low-brow physical appeal! Why didn't those hormonal clods pay to see *our* film?!?

BILLIE: Maybe it's still in the top five, Eggy...

MARY HARTLESS: The other top five films were: #2: Thrown Away, starring Tom Franks; #3: Crouching Tigger, Hidden Pete's Dragon, the delightful new Disney epic; #4: Nearly Famous, the entertaining dramedy set in the early 70's, and #5: The Fifth Sense...

BRAIN: WHERE..IS...OUR...*FILM*?!?

MARY HARTLESS: As for this weekend's much-hyped release of "Lethal Intellect", box office buzz mostly centered around everything *but* the film itself: the merchandise at McDonald's™ is doing fairly briskly, but regarding the film itself, buzz has it that it's all "been there, done that"...

ROGER EBERT: This film's just another repetitive action film...and not a very good one at that. I spent the time counting the number of windup-thingies that were on those Robo-Killers™ backs! But there was one bright point...

BRAIN: Yes...?

ROGER EBERT: At the premiere before the film started, there was quite the fight scene between various actors from the film, a robot of some sort, and director Jim Macaroon...a fight scene which proved to be probably the most entertaining scene I've seen this year! (Drags over a Powerbook™) fortunately, someone at the film who had a video camera managed to capture this on film, and put the results online for all to see for free...

MARY HARTLESS: As it stands now, that clip's been the most heavily downloaded and circulated item on the Internet all year...the videotaper of the film's currently in talks with Arnold Schwartzenegger and Sucker Bros. Studios to produce a film called "The Bare Sandwich Project", which would feature amateur footage shot of various mindless fight scenes and "Final Confrontations™" strung together...

GUY WITH CAMERA: Whoa....good thing I got this camera past that short guy who was standing near the door! Or else I'd like, uh, never get to make zillions just shooting Arnold doing a buncha fake fight scenes and, like, stuff....

[Brain and Billie turn to Pinky...]

PINKY: Uh....well, you see, there was this shiny object he was holding, and---

BRAIN: Forget it, Pinky.

MARY HARTLESS: As for "Lethal Intellect" itself, between this online frenzy and the top five releases, it never even cracked the top 10....looks like we can expect it to make its main splash on a video shelf near you alongside "Battlefield: Mars" and "Subparnova"...

[Cut to Axel being interviewed...]

AXEL: (Annoyed) (BLEEP)! Another (bleep)in' bomb right after "Life"....I'll never live this (bleep) movie down... (realizes something) Uh....but y'all are buyin' those toys from M*ckeyDee's, right? Just keep doin' that, OK? The Main Man needs the dough! (Staccato laugh) Heh...heh....heh---

[Brain clicks the TV off...]

BRAIN: (Irate) Bah! I can't believe it! I gave those mindless masses everything they could want in a film---*EVERYTHING*!!! How---*HOW* could they turn it down?!? It had *438* car explosions, for Pavlov’s sake....

BILLIE: Well, Eggy, maybe we just released it during a tough weekend...I mean, all those other films did seem pretty tough to beat, even with the WWF crowd shelling out...and I gotta admit, I've been dyin' to see that "Mulan Rogue" movie...

BRAIN: I suppose you might be right. Perhaps the adage is true, that "the bigger a film is hyped up, the worse it ultimately is..."

PINKY: And our film was *really* hyped up! NARF!

BRAIN: Indeed... (sighs) But that must all be put behind us now. Come, we must plan for tomorrow night...

PINKY: Why, Brain? What're we gonna do tomorrow night? (Gasp) Make a TV special for Fox called "When Actors Attack?"

BRAIN: No, Pinky...the same non-low-brow manner in which we carry out our plans *every* night: *TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD*!!!

PINKY: Oh, right... (pauses, then starts playing with one last remaining Robo-Killer™ lying nearby) HAHAHAHA!

BRAIN: Well, *some* of us will be carrying out plans in a higher-brow manner at least...

[Cut to the outside of the lab, as the closing orchestra music plays out....]

SINGERS: They're Pinky, Billie and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain.... (an explosion is heard, which rattles the screen; smoke emerges from the lab's windows) uh.... *Braiiiin*....

PINKY: (Off-screen) Oooh, sorry, Brain....

BRAIN: (Sighs)

[The closing chords play, signifying....]

THE END
---

CAST:
Pinky/Guy With Camcorder: Rob Paulsen
Billie/Mary Hartless: Tress MacNeille
Brain: Maurice LaMarche
Sucker Bros. Studio Owner: Stephen Spielberg
Axel Foley: Eddie Murphy
Puff Daddy: P. Diddy, or Sean Combs, or whatever he's calling himself this week
Molly Ringwald: herself
William Shatner: himself
Adam West: himself
Halle Berry: herself
Sigourney Weaver: herself
Arnold Schwartzenegger: himself
Jim Macaroon: James Cameron
Verminator: Dan Castellaneta

Pinky, Billie, Brain, ACME Labs, "Pinky and the Brain", "You've Got Mail", "Dawson's Creek", and related indica © 2001 Warner Bros. and Amblin. Used without permission.

Verminator, Batman © Warner Bros. and DC Comics, used without permission.

The Powerpuff Girls © Cartoon Network, used without permission.

Axel Foley © Paramount Pictures, used without permission.

Pokemon © Nintendo, used without permission.

"The Pickup Artist" © ???

"Teaching Mrs. Tingle" © ???

"Home Alone", "The Simpsons", "Aliens" © 20th Century Fox.

X-Men © Marvel Comics.

Samsonite © Samsonite Co.

Coca-Cola and related indica © Coca-Cola Corp.

Powerbook, iMac, and related indica © Apple Computer.

McDonald's © McDonald Corp., used without permission.

"Sugar Sugar" by the Archies.

"Tainted Love" by Soft Cell.

"Tiger Claws", "Tiger Claws 2", "Lady Dragon", "Rage and Honor" © Image Studios(?). (Yep, they're actual films folks)

Robo-Killers created by Craig.

"Titanic" references dedicated to:
Sharklady

How much money "Lethal Intellect" will ultimately rake in:
Don't ask

Don't forget to catch "The Making of Lethal Intellect" after the "Mass Quantities of Meowth" Poke-marathon on the WB!

[robert]

Did you get one of Brain's cllosing lines from me? The line was after Brain found out about his movie's failure, and concluded that the more hyped up a film is, the worse it is. I made a little speech on that a month or two ago, is that where you got that line from or did you come up with it yourself? I mean, it's not a very hard conclusion to make.

Oh, and 1, hello again guys, I'm offically back after vacation, though since I don't post here as often because there's not much to talk about, and because the Bulletin Board at the Encyclopedia Histerai site has become the new flavor of the month for me, my return isn't much of an impact or our daily routine. No 2, good job in wrapping things up, with the expected delicious jabs at the idiotcy of movies and how much the people love that stuff, as well as the jokes about the would be king of the world{the human one}And No 3, tune in to the Encyclopedia H! Board tomorrow where I will unveil my newest piece of work. It's presented over there because I'd rather clutter up that Board with the usual problems I have posting stories which could return tomorrow, and because I'll probably get more responses there than here. But I still love you guys anyway.

[Anthonynotes]

Thanks for the input, Robert...at least I know *somebody* actually read this thing after it took this long to finish :-)

Re: Brain's line: I made it up on my own...didn't recall that you said it yourself awhile back...

-B.