Very nice script there, Jake
OPENING SCENE -- THE FAMILY IS SEATED ON THE COUCH AND EVERYONE, BESIDES LISA, IS ENJOYING SOME FRIED CHICKEN WHILE WATCHING TV.
CUT TO TV SCREEN WHERE A SLUTTY, `20YR OLD IS DRESSED IN A PINK HALTER TOP AND "GREEN DAISY DUKES" STYLE SHORTS.
Mom, I've only been with four guys and I'm not even a junior yet in high school! I'm practically a virgin!
Viki, never underestimate the power of positive thinking! And besides, prom is coming up, so don't forget those boxes of condoms. I'm far too young to be a grandma because it would ruin my mystique on the runway at Pop's Tops.
BOTH MOTHER AND DAUGHTER LET OUT SCHAMATZY LAUGHS.
Aww, thanks mom, there's no limit to what a girl can do when she has great self-esteem!
And that's what's coming up next in Fox's after school special about being accepted, Family Girl.
CUT TO HOMER.
Wow, isn't this the show that Reverand Lovejoy told us to boycott? I mean what's so bad about it? It's funny, it's relevent--
Homer, you thought the song "Ebony and Ivory" should've been the theme song for the 2008 election, but nobody likes that song!
Aww come on, this show isnt that bad, mom, it's got a sense of mystery as we don't know which one of Viki's mom's six boyfriends is her real father.
HOMER LAUGHS BUT THEN SUDDENLY, HE'S CHOKING AND MARGE IS HITTING HIM IN THE BACK WHEN HOMER FALLS OVER AND MAKES A HORRIBLE GAGGING NOISE.
CUT TO A RAINY DAY AT SPRINGFIELD'S CEMETARY.
...And that was the life and times of one Homer J Simpson. And I'd like to also add that since Homer's passing, the local food shelf now has a chance to supply the rest of the needy people in Springfield with groceries.
CUT TO PATTIE.
I'd like to say, I'm sorry Marge, but as God closes one door, another one opens and for this sad--but GLORIOUS--day--
Pattie! How could you! I just lost my husband and you can--Where's selma?
She's at home crying because Ricard Dean Anderson's character gets killed on Stargate SG1. I know it's a TV show, but to us, Mr. Anderson's character was more real to us than your marrige to homer.
That's it, you two can both GO TO HELL!
CUT TO HELL AS HOMER'S LOOKING IN A POOL OF WATER AT MARGE YELLING AT PATTIE.
Heh, heh...wait to tell that hag off, Marge!
THE GIANT, NON-FLANDERS DEVIL WALKS UP TO HOMER.
Homer Simpson, you've been here for a week and do you feel THE TORMENT yet?
Nah, it's not as bad as having to put up with the boy, there's free heat, and I can play all the rigged card games I want. Not to mention the 145 women you call 'wives' aren't too shabby....although their claws kind of hurt my--
Silence! It appears my worst isn't working on you.
No, but to honest, you suck at your job. Hell, no pun intended, I can even do a better job than you.
Yes, really, in fact, I'll make a deal with you...If I can do your job on earth better than you, you have to bring me to life as I was, not a flesh eating zombie.
And if I win?
Eh, use your imagination.
Okay, but you should know that if you make a deal with the devil--
Hey, moron, I'm dead and in hell, what more can you do?
CUT TO THE SIMPSONS LIVING ROOM. BART'S WATCHING AN ITCHY AND SCRATCHY EPISODE ENTITLED: "The Stem of all Fears". ITCHY IS BEING CHASED BY SCRATCHY AND ITCHY DUCKS UNDER A TABLE, SCRATCHY JUMPS ON THE TABLE AND SCRATCHY RUNS OUT THE ROOM, LOCKING SCRATCHY IN. ON THE ROOM DOOR, A SIGN READS "age regression device" AND BEAM HITS SCRATCHY AND HE TURNS INTO KITTEN AND THEN DISAPPEARS. SCRATCHY WALKS IN AND TAKES A THE TINY SAMPLE LEFT OVER FROM SCRATCHY AND SELLS IT TO A LAB, THE LAB USES IT TO CURE ANOTHER CAT THAT LOOKS LIKE SCRATCHY AND THEN ITCHY SHOOTS THE CAT AS IT EXITS.
CUT TO BART LAUGHING AND THEN A RED MUSHROOM CLOUD APPEARS IN FRONT OF HIM, REVEALING HOMER WITH A PITCHFORK AND GOAT LEGS.
Hey, boy, I've come back.
Great, could you move out of the way, Homer, you're blocking the TV.
Aren't you glad to see me, son?
LISA AND MARGE, with MAGGIE, ENTER.
Oh my god, dad, you're the devil!?
Just for a couple of days. Me and him made a bet to see who could ruin mankind the most.
Well, you did work at a nuclear power plant.
That was just a warm up and with Halloween just one day away, I'll be sure to do some damage.
MARGE RUNS OVER TO GIVE HOMER A HUG, BUT WHEN SHE TOUCHES HIM, SHE GETS BURNED.
Wow, Homer, you're hot.
Yeah, uh, in some ways, but I'm not sure how we can have a fullfilling relationship if you are satan. I'd hate to have to bring this up in a marrige counciling session....
Well, Marge, I'd love to stay and show you how much of a demon I can be, but I've a lot of work to do!
CUE SONG: "Big Time" by Peter Garbrial starts playing.
CUT TO HOMER HAS HE STANDS ON A STREETCORNER AND WAVES HIS PITCHFORK LIKE A MAGIC WAND. SUDDENLY THE CROWDS OF PEOPLE AROUND HIM START RIOTING AND STOREFRONTS ARE BROKEN INTO AND CARS START CRASHING WHILE WOMEN AND CHILDREN RUN FOR COVER. HOMER HAS A SMUG LOOK OF CONFIDENCE ON HIS FACE BUT THEN LOOKS UP TO SEE A BANNER ACROSS THE STREET WHICH READS: "Springfield's 23rd Annual Riot Day."
CUT TO HOMER AS HE MAKES HIS 'MUSHROOM CLOUD' ENTRANCE AT THE CHURCH AS LOVEJOY AND FLANDERS ARE CLEANING UP. NED SUDDENLY GETS ON HIS KNEES AND PRAYS WHILE LOVEJOY ROLLS HIS EYES AT HOMER.
Ned, I told you something was odd about Homer!
NED TAKES A TWENTY DOLLAR BILL OUT OF HIS POCKET AND GIVE IT TO HIM.
CUT TO HOMER AS HE SITS IN THE THIRD PLACE CHAIR AT A HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST (next to GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE WHO'S DRESSED UP AS SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS) WITH HIS GOAT'S LEGS CROSSED AND POINTY TAIL SCRATCHING HIS HEAD AS HE STARES AT MARTIN PRINCE, WHO HAS JUST WON FIRST PRIZE FOR BEING DRESSED UP AS A DEVIL. MARTIN HAPPILY WAVES AROUND HIS CHECK FOR 200 DOLLARS. ANGRY, HOMER POINTS THE WAND AT MARTIN AND HE GOES UP IN FLAMES AND A TURNS TO A SMALL PILE OF ASHES.
END COLLAGE OF SCENES AND MUSIC.
CUT TO BART AS HE'S WALKING DOWN THE SIDEWALK AS JIMBO, DOLPH AND KEARNY THREATENING APPROACH.
'sigh' What? Are you gonna 'wail' on me again, or make stupid threat? Yo, dad!
What's wrong son?
These are the guys who have been bothering me. Care to show'em who's boss?
Well, the devil isn't allowed to truly love someone, but you're my son, but violence against other's who are half your size is--
BART LET'S OUT A SIGH AND GRABS HOMER'S PITCHFORK AND POINTS IT AT THE BULLIES. A BOLT OF LIGHTING HITS THEM AND THEY'RE TURNED TO COCKROACHES.
CUT TO AN EXTREME LOW ANGLE VIEW AS THE BULLY-ROACHES SEE BART'S FOOT COMING DOWN ON THEM AND THEY LET OUT A TINY, SQEAKY 'OH NO!' FOLLOWED BY A WET CRUNCH.
Woah. You didn't even burn your hands on that pitchfork. Maybe this is one of those 'Excalibre' type of things and that trick on the bullies, fantastic.
Aww, thanks, dad.
You know, being that devil has made realize that I can't do any worse to the world than it already it. It needs someone who can really cause the chaos, namely you, son.
Yeah, and if you get the job, I won't have to worry about buying you a car when you're 16.
CUT TO HELL AS HOMER AND BART BOTH APPEAR. SATAN WALKS UP TO THEM AND BART LETS OUT A 'GULP' OF FEAR.
Huh, it's nice to meet you, Mr. Devil, sir. I have both your CDs.
Huh? Anyway, Homer have you given up yet?
I've decided to change the rules. I have found one much more worthy to hand this pitchfork over to and he will do a much better job than either of us can over do.
Well, I've had my eye on Bart, but his soul--
C'mon, C'mon, I want to get back to Marge, tonight she makes that wonderful tuna loaf.
But you can't go back, Homer, you sold me your soul--
...for that stupid fried chicken I choked on. I take it you don't really trade favors for souls all that much, do you?
DEVIL: (shy, embarassed)
No, not really, it's more a tease and an urban legend.
So, do we have a deal?
Fine, fine. So, Bart, are you ready to get hardcore evil?
Pfft, nobody who's really cool uses the word "hardcore" anymore. And if you really want to be noticed, stop being subtle with the "convincing the world you don't exist" crap. Everything's so obvious these days.
So, uh Bart, or Satan, can I go back home now?
Fine, I was getting tired of your whining anyway and to make sure Bart won't have any one to superceed him, I'm making sure you're 100 percent sterile.
CUT TO THE SIMPSONS HOME AS MARGE IS SITTING IN THE KITCHEN WITH LISA AND MAGGIE WHEN THE DEFAULT HOMER APPEARS.
Homie, you're okay!
Well, I got out of the deal with the devil and because of my wheeling dealing, I can say Homer Simpson is nobody's *****!
HOMER PICKS UP MARGE.
And now, for something I've been DEAD set on doing!
CUT TO THE OUTSIDE VIEW OF THE SIMPSONS HOUSE. WE HEAR MARGE LAND ON THE BED VIA THE BED SPRINGS.
Woah, okay you sexy beast lets....uh, Homer where's your um...thingie?
What are you talking about Mar--NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
CUT TO BLACK.
Very nice script there, Jake
"All that's needed to make comics and any other art is the desire to be heard,the will to learn, and the ability to see"
-Scott McCloud, Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art.
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