Clash of the Cartoon Stars: Heathcliff Vs. Garfield
Bugs: Ehhh... what's up Docs, and noises. Welcome to another action jam packed episode of COTCS! I'm your host, Bugs Bunny. And, since my other host Micky Mouse is still spending mid-winter break at the hospital, my co=host for this episode is the leader of The Catillac Cats, Riff-Raff!
Riff: Yep! Good to be here! I love this show! So this is what it's like to host.
Bugs: Yeah. If you like you can announce the challengers.
Riff: Okay. The challengers today are both cats. They've shared rivalry for a long time. No fans have been able to choose which one. But, tonight it will all be decided on which on is the hit and which one is the miss. First, here's the tough semi-alley cat Heathcliff!
(a limo appears on the field. heathcliff steps out, while his theme song is playing in the backround)
Heathcliff: Ehhh... what's up Doc?
Bugs: What?! That joik stole my trademark phrase! Let me at him! I'll tear him apart! (riff-raff holds bugs back)
Riff: Um... the other challenger is the Monday-hating, lasagna-loving, not overweight, but undertall, orange tabby cat, Garfield!
(another limo appears, Garfield steps out while the Lou Rawls song, "Here Comes Garfield" plays)
Bugs: Mr. T.! Whenever you want the fight to start, go ahead!
Mr. T: Okay. NOW!
(heathcliff pounces on garfield and starts beatin' the crap outta him)
Riff: Woah! It looks kinda one-sided tonight!
Bugs: And it appears this sudden break attack from Heathcliff is ticking everyone off.
Riff: That's not surprising. Everyone loves Garfield. Just like everyone loves The Catillac Cats. It makes you wonder why he tries.
Heathcliff: I'm gonna make you wish you were never even born!
Garfield: Hey, I started wishing that when Jim Davis stopped writing for my strip. Can't say much for yours. He's dead!
Heathcliff: What?! My creator died? Why wasn't I informed?!
Garfiled: Can you imagine this? He didn't know his creator died. That's pathetic.
Bugs: You know I'd give Heathcliff 10 points, but since this is like Whose Line Is It Anyway? and the points don't matter. I'll give the 10 points to Garfield. For having the guts to break the news to Heathy.
Riff: Be honest, you're just doing that so Garfield will win.
Bugs: Well.... yes.
Mr. T: Uhh... the cats want a break.
Riff: Why? Is ALF in the audience?
Bugs: Nahh... it's just time for a commercial. We'll be right back.
GAK: Hello, I'm the guys producing the new episodes of Toonheads. If you want suggestions, post them at Termite Terrace Trading post. ou never know. You might see your dream episode on TV! You'll be famous! Watch Toonheads Sunday nights at 6. Only on Cartoon network.
Norb: Howya doin'?
Dag: It's us the Angry Beavers!
Norb: We may be cancelled, but we still got fans!
Dag: In fact, we're advertising a new TAB website that we stumbled onto. And when we say TAB, we don't mean the soda drink.
Norb: We're talkin about THE ANGRY BEAVERS!
Dag: The website is www.mightyknothead.com
Norb: We hope to see you there!
(COTCS comes back on)
Bugs: Yeah, I miss TAB also.
Riff: The show?
Bugs: No, the soda drink. But, let's get back to the game!
Mr. T: On your mark...
Bugs: Wait! Wait! Let's inform the audience what's going on.
Mr. T: Oh, okay. Heathcliff and Garfield are holding an eating contest. It was a suggestion from an audience member. Okay, on your mark, get set, GO!
(garfield and heathcliff begin eating as quick as they can)
Bugs: Boy, this would put some extra pounds on them. Hope their masters don't mind.
Riff: Heath could probably work the weight off, since he thinks fighting is an exercise. But, Garfield.... it might take while.
Bugs: Oh, Riff. You like Garfield, don't you?
Bugs: Well, I thought I'd remind fans that at www.cartoonresearch.com there's some news about an upcoming Garfield movie. I'm sure it will be alot better than some stinky Scooby Doo movie.
Riff: They're makin' a Scooby Doo movie? OMG! First it's Inspector Gadget, then the Flintstones, then Mr. magoo, then Rocky & Bullwinkle, WHY CAN'T THERE BE A CATILLAC CATS MOVIE!!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!
Bugs: Don't worry. Hollywood isn't that great anyway. Believe me, I've been there. Everyone smokes. It's so poisonous down there.
Riff: Why don't we check to see how Garf and Heath are doin?
(cut to garfield and heathcliff they are now EXTREMELY fat)
Heathcliff: Oh..... I don't feel to good.... (passes out, garfield continues eating)
Mr. T: And, Garfield is the winner! (audience cheer, the scamble from the seats and run to the field to pick up garfield and carry him)
Bugs: Well, Garfield is the winner. Everyone's happy, exept Heathcliff of coarse. This is Bugs Bunny and Riff-Raff saying good night. And good fight.
Riff: HEATHCLIFF IS THE WEAKEST LINK! GOODBYE! Sorry, I always wanted to say that.
Very good Brandon! Also very funny!