Planet of the Tomatoes
Hi everyone, this here is my second attempt at writing an Attack of the Killer Tomatoes fanfic. This is my vision of a new Killer Tomatoes saga and it takes place after the second season when the Killer Tomatoes took over the world. And the animated Killer Tomatoes series are property of Marvel and Fox. And this fanfic is rated PG.
Planet of the Tomatoes
By Cullen Pittman
That’s Your Cucumber!
In the vast plain of outer space, we see something green and long speeding through the galaxy. It looked almost like a giant cucumber, but it also looked like some kind of strange rocket ship. In truth, it was both. The cucumber shaped rocket was approaching a planet called Earth. In the old days, the third planet from the sun known as Earth would be colored blue and green, but now it looked like it had been stained completely red, almost like it was a meatball that got covered in marinara.
The rocket curiously approached the red planet to get a closer look and then started studying the surfaces of each section of Earth. The planet seemed to be populated with vicious round red monsters known as killer tomatoes. The rocket soared past each country and studied the chaos and suffering that was going on. In Italy, the tomatoes were stomping on pizza and spaghetti parlors. In France, the tomatoes were decorating the Eiffel Tower to look like a huge ketchup bottle. In England, some Tomato guards were surrounding Buckingham Palace bowing down to a huge tomato dressed like a queen. In Australia, some huge tomatoes were hopping around with smaller tomatoes in what looked like pouches in their fronts. And in Siberia, we see a bunch of tomatoes freezing in the snow trying to do Russian dances to keep warm. If there were any people on this planet, they were either in hiding, taken prisoner, or being chased by the vicious tomatoes.
The unseen pilot of the rocket studied everything and replied in a disgusted voice, “Otamot!” Then the rocket went back up into space to study the red colored Earth at a distance once again. Every inch of the Earth was red, except one tiny spot that seemed to be free from redness. The pilot reached out a gloved hand and took out something that looked like a photograph of a 5 year old Earth boy in a baseball cap. The pilot made a command in a strange language and the rocket started to head for the red cleared spot on Earth known as San Zucchini, California.
* * * * * *
San Zucchini seemed to be the only town on Earth to be free from tomato tyranny. The citizens were living peaceful happy lives. Next, we come to a place called Finletter’s Tomatoless Pizza Palace at night where customers were eating some weird looking pizzas. Some were topped with peanut butter, some with chocolate sauce, and some with caramel and whipped cream. These types of toppings might seem disgusting to people who didn’t live in a tomato controlled world, but these people didn’t care, just as long as there were no tomatoes on their pizza. The owner, Wilbur Finletter and his waitress, Tara, were at the booth watching the news on the above TV.
“This is Whitley White bringing you the latest reports”, said the newscaster standing at the edge of the town. “So far, San Zucchini is experiencing its sixteenth day of no killer tomato attacks. And it’s all thanks to these wonderful worms guarding our beloved town, those mysterious creatures from Africa known as the Tomato Worms!” Whitley pointed to a tribe of worms about the size of a kid. They were smiling and waving to the camera with their tails. One of them was holding up a sign that said, “WOW IH.”
“You got your sign upside-down, dimbo!” whispered one of the worms.
“Oops!” said the other worm blushing and then turned the sign around until it said, “HI MOM!”
“Here with me is the Chief of the Tomato Worms”, said Whitley, approaching the largest worm with a crown on his head. “May I call you Chiefie!”
“Only if you want me to burrow inside your head and eat the part of your brain that came up with that demeaning name!” said the Chief worm.
“Okay, how about I just call you Your Majesty instead?” said Whitley sweating.
“That’ll make me happy”, said the Chief.
“Your Majesty”, said Whitley. “You and your tribe used to protect the Heart of Africa from the killer tomato hordes that tried to conquer it. So why leave your precious jungle to live here in the obscure, small town of San Zucchini?”
“Simple Whitley”, said the Chief. “Two kids from America traveled to our secret hidden village and told us about the juiciest killer tomatoes hanging out in their town. So we inched our way here and had a ball chomping away at those luscious tomato bigheads! Ever since then, the townspeople have been so good to us. Giving us stuff like TVs, stereos, videos of old sci-fi shows, and all sorts of neat stuff. And all we have to do is guard this town from any killer tomatoes that try to sneak in.”
“And there you have it”, said Whitley. “And we should thank the two young heroes for bringing us these heroic worms. They’re 10 year old Chad Finletter and the pretty and hot teenage Tara Boumdeay.”
“I must say Tara, I’m really glad you and my nephew traveled all the way to Africa to bring back those worms”, said Wilbur. “We really could’ve used those warriors during the Great Tomato Wars back in the old days.”
“Thank you, Mr. Finletter”, said Tara. “I just wish there were enough Tomato Worms to free the entire world.”
“At least San Zucchini is a start”, said Wilbur. “If only the Killer Tomato Task Force was big again, then maybe we’d have a chance to splat every killer tomato on this planet! We lost a lot of good men and women during the first Tomato War.” Wilbur then turned to a bulletin board that had a bunch of photographs of heroic looking soldiers and above it said, “IN LOVING MEMORY!”
“I’ve never noticed that in the restaurant before”, said Tara.
“Oh, it’s just something I decided to hang back up ever since we rebuilt the pizza palace from the last attack”, said Wilbur. “I thought I should acknowledge the brave soldiers who gave up their lives to protect us from those cold sauced tomato monsters!”
“I can’t believe all these people lost their lives because of to-to-tomatoes!” gasped Tara, for she started out as a tomato thanks to an experiment from the evil Dr. Gangreen. She felt ashamed that her tomato race caused all those deaths.
“Wait a minute”, said Tara, looking at a blank photo. “I think you put this picture on backwards.” She was about to unpin it and turn it the other way until Wilbur grabbed her hand.
“If you don’t mind, Tara”, said Wilbur. “I prefer to keep this certain photo facing the board. Subject closed! Now I have to go in the back and cook some more pizzas”, and he went into the kitchen, leaving a puzzled Tara.
Just then, the fuzzy tomato known as F.T. jumped onto the table and used his vine to grab onto the backwards photo. “No, F.T!”, said Tara, sternly. “Mr. Finletter will squash you for removing that!” She took the photo from F.T. and suddenly got a look at it. It was a photo of a couple in soldier uniforms, a man with a brown mullet and a big chin and a pretty woman with short blonde hair. They were holding a 5 year old blonde haired boy with a baseball cap.
“Why that looks like Chad!” gasped Tara.
“Did somebody call me?” asked a kid’s voice. Tara looked up and saw Wilbur’s nephew, Chad, coming in holding his skateboard.
“Oh, hi Chad”, said Tara. “How did those pizza deliveries go?”
“Just the usual”, said Chad. “That snooty rich guy tipped me with jacks again. I would’ve preferred if he tipped me with Nintendo Games.”
“Say Chad”, said Tara showing him the photo. “Do you know anything about this picture and this couple? That little kid there looks a lot like you.”
Chad suddenly gasped in shock as he saw the photo. He stood there silently for a minute and then tears started to form in his eyes. “Chad, are you all right?” asked Tara concerned.
“Oh, yeah”, said Chad snapping out of it and then drying his eyes with his sleeve. He took the photo from Tara and pinned it back to the bulletin board backwards. “I don’t know if Uncle Wilbur told you this, but he says that this particular photo must be pinned on here backwards at all times”, said Chad with a somber look.
“Okay”, said Tara. “But do you know who that couple was? Were they your….?”
“Listen, Tara”, said Chad in a sad voice. “I really don’t have time to talk right now. I just remembered something about tonight.” And he took two breadsticks from a nearby table and picked up his skateboard again. “Please tell Uncle Wilbur I have some business to do in the park.”
“What kind of business?” asked Tara.
“Don’t worry”, said Chad. “Uncle Wilbur will know. See ya’!” And he skated out the door like a lightning bolt. F.T. made a questionable squeak.
“Something seemed really wrong with Chad”, said Tara, picking up F.T. “Why is he going to the park with two breadsticks?”
“Breadsticks?” asked Wilbur who came back in. “Oh dear!” he went over to the nearby calendar and looked at the day. “Oh yes. It’s the anniversary.”
“Anniversary?” asked Tara.
“Tara”, said Wilbur. “Since you’re like a big part of our family, I might as well go ahead and show you this picture.” He took the photo off the bulletin board once again and showed it to Tara and F.T. “This was Chad when he was 5 years old and these two with him are his parents.”
“His parents?!” gasped Tara.
“Yep”, said Wilbur. “This here is my brother Rob and his wife Elisa. They were the finest soldiers I ever got to work with during the Great Tomato War. And they were great parents to Chad as well.”
“Wow”, said Tara, studying the couple. “I’ve always wondered what Chad’s parents were like. Wait a minute, if they were on the loving memory board….”
“They disappeared 5 years ago”, said Wilbur with a sad look.
“Did they get eaten by, you know whats?” asked Tara.
“That’s my guess”, said Wilbur. “No bodies or traces of them were found. So we predicted that huge and rotten killer tomatoes must’ve devoured every inch of them! Ooooh! It boils my mozzarella just thinking about that day!”
“How did Chad take it?” asked Tara.
“Pretty badly”, said Wilbur. “Chad said he was the only one who saw everything. But he said it wasn’t tomatoes that made his parents go away. He claimed that a huge flying cucumber appeared in the sky and took them away.”
“A flying cucumber?” asked Tara. F.T. made a question mark shaped cucumber appear over his head.
“Chad was only 5 years old back then”, said Wilbur. “Maybe he only said that so he wouldn’t have to eat my famous cucumber pizza again. Or maybe he imagined the giant cucumber just so he could push the gory truth out of his mind. Ever since that day, I took the boy in and looked after him like my own.”
“I can imagine how poor Chad feels”, said Tara as she and F.T. looked at the door the boy left through. “But why did he take two breadsticks with him?”
“His parents really loved breadsticks”, said Wilbur looking out the night window. “In fact, they loved eating them so much that they hardly ever have room to eat one of my latest pizza recipes. It’s like they were trying to avoid my cooking.”
* * * * * *
In the San Zucchini Central Park, we see Chad skating on the pathway. He watched all the kids playing, having late night picnics, and having fun with their parents. One of the kids held up a giant banner that said, “HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY and another kid held up a banner that read, HAPPY FATHERS’ DAY. “Excuse me”, Chad asked the kids. “But today is not Mothers’ Day or Fathers’ Day.”
“We know”, said the first boy.
“We’re just thankful we have loving Moms and Dads who will never ever leave us”, said the second boy as they ran off to hug their parents.
“Oh brother!” groaned Chad as he skated off leaving the happy families.
Chad kept skating and soon saw a mother and father squirrel playing with their babies and a mother and father bird feeding their new baby bird. Chad flinched as he looked up in the sky and saw two airplanes along with a tiny airplane flying in between them. And it looked like they were all joining wings. “Aw, come on!” groaned Chad. “Was all this because I snatched the last doughnut from the writers’ lounge?” And he continued skating and then came to a spot on a small hill. There he approached two small rocks planted in the ground and on them had the words, MOM and DAD, written on them in marker.
“Hi, Mom and Dad”, said Chad as he bent down and placed the two breadsticks on the ground right in front of the rocks and then looked up in the sky. “I’ve placed your favorite yearly snacks down here once again. Maybe you can come by and get them and maybe even stay a while or maybe forever. Please?” And he covered his face in his arms to hide a sad look. Then he felt some hands on his shoulders. “Mom and Dad?!” gasped Chad as he looked up but then saw somebody else.
“Hi, Chad”, said Tara smiling while F.T. was there too.
“Tara”, gasped Chad trying to suck in his sadness. “What are you doing out here?”
“Uncle Wilbur told me everything”, said Tara as she saw the two rocks. “Are these your parents’ tombstones?”
“No, these are just rocks to remind me of the spot I last saw them”, said Chad.
“I’m sorry that your parents were killed by,..you know!” said Tara. “Now I am truly ashamed to be one of them.”
“Listen, Tara”, said Chad. “Whatever Uncle Wilbur told you, it wasn’t tomatoes that killed my parents. My parents weren’t even killed in the first place. They were kidnapped!”
“By a flying cucumber?” asked Tara.
“Uncle Wilbur thinks I just imagined it”, said Chad. “But I’ll tell you what really happened 5 years ago. On second thought, could I just have a flashback please? It’s kind of painful to talk about it.”
The screen nodded and started to ripple. We see a 5 year old Chad with his parents enjoying a nice picnic in the park. Just then, a horde of killer tomatoes started to charge at them. Chad’s mom picked up her boy and hid him inside a hole in a hollow tree and then went to join her husband. Chad watched amazed as his mom used her karate to splat the tomato villains into paste while his dad took out an egg beater gun and turned the rest of the tomatoes into soup.
Once the battle was over, Chad smiled and saw his parents standing proudly in the sauce covered park. He was about to climb out of the tree to join them until a huge shadow covered the sky. Chad hid back in the tree as he saw a gigantic rocket cucumber appear in the sky. His parents looked up in shock and suddenly a hatch opened and a pair of huge vines dropped down, grabbed the couple and lifted them into the rocket. Then the cucumber blasted off into the sky. “MAMMA! PAPPA!” cried Chad as he ran out of the tree and tried to chase after the rocket, but then disappeared out of sight. Chad got down on his knees in the sauce covered grass and started crying. Just as his Uncle Wilbur approached the scene. Then the flashback ended.
“That was the saddest flashback I’ve ever seen”, said Tara with teary eyes. F.T. sobbed as well. “But I’m just thankful that it wasn’t my tomato race that did away with your parents”, said Tara as she hugged Chad.
“Thanks for listening, Tara”, said Chad getting himself back together again. “I kind of needed a friend right now.”
“But why place breadsticks on this spot?” asked Tara. “Don’t people usually honor missing loved ones with flowers?”
“Mom and Dad always loved breadsticks”, said Chad. “And every time I end up placing two breadsticks on this spot, they suddenly disappear. That must be a sign that they’re still alive and they’re trying to make their way back to me.” Then Chad looked down and found the breadsticks gone. “See, what did I tell you?” said Chad with hope.
Tara looked in the distance and saw the breadsticks getting dragged away by a group of ants. She decided not to let Chad know about this.
“A giant flying cucumber does sound out of the ordinary”, said Tara, “I wonder what it was doing here and why it took away your parents?”
“I don’t know”, said Chad with rage. “But if that creepy cucumber ever comes back again, I’ll….”
“Save that thought”, said Tara as she and F.T. suddenly looked up in the sky. “Because I think that’s happening now!”
“What?!” gasped Chad as he looked up and saw a cucumber shaped rocket traveling through the night sky. “It’s finally happening!” he gasped. He quickly grabbed his skateboard and followed after the rocket.
“Wait, Chad!” cried Tara as she took F.T. and jumped on the skateboard with him.
* * * * * *
Back at the pizza palace, Wilbur was stuffing a garbage bag in the dumpster that was sprouting a moving tentacle. “Giant kraken pizza wasn’t my best idea this year”, sighed Wilbur as he tried to swat back the tentacle with a cooking fork and closed the dumpster. Just then, he looked up in the sky and saw the cucumber rocket. “A flying cucumber?!” gasped Wilbur. “Then Chad was telling the truth!” He rushed back into the parlor and grabbed his war uniform. “Maybe my brother and sister in-law haven’t died a horrible ketchup death!” said Wilbur as he slipped it on.
* * * * * *
At the KRUD TV station, Whitley White was going home for the evening. “Interviewing worms?!” he grumbled. “I hate these slow news nights!” Just then, he saw the cucumber rocket. “Visitors from space!” gasped Whitley. “A story like this’ll get me out of this small town station and maybe on 60 minutes! Come on, crew. Let’s get….” Whitley looked around and saw the empty lot. “Oh yeah, that’s right”, sighed Whitley. “My crew’s gone home to their families! Those family things have become more addictive than video games! Oh well, I guess I’m taking this one solo!” And he took out a mini-camcorder, got into a news van, and followed the rocket.
* * * * * *
In a small house, we see the evil Dr. Gangreen and his surfer dude like assistant, Igor Smith, working in a garden. “Soon, Igor!” cackled Gangreen while holding a hoe. “We’ll have a new army to take over the world!”
“Cool, your greened thumbship!” said Igor. “What kind of vicious tomato monsters are you growing this time?”
“No more tomatoes!” shouted Gangreen. “I’m through with those turncoat little redheads! When I created my finest tomato army and took over the world, they double crossed me, kicked us out of my evil scientist’s home and we ended up living in this low rent home! Which is why I’m going to start over with a new type of vegetable army!”
“What kind?” asked Igor, “Oooh! Let me guess! Potatoes!”
“Of course not!” growled Gangreen. “Potatoes sound too much like tomatoes! If I grow killer potatoes, their brains might get confused and think those tomatoes are their brothers and then turn against me as well!”
“Okay, how about jellybeans?” said Igor.
“Jellybeans aren’t real vegetables you dope!” shouted Gangreen. “The only damage they can do to people is cause tooth decay!”
“Cucumber!” gasped Igor, looking at the sky.
“Yes, that is a good guess”, said Gangreen. “But I’m giving you one dufus point for saying cucumber when you should’ve used the plural form which is cucumbers!”
“I mean one cucumber, your most grammar-obsessedness!” said Igor, pointing to the sky, “One mondo big cucumber!”
“What the..?!” gasped Gangreen as he looked up into the sky and saw the cucumber rocket. “So, it’s come back!”
“Do you know that cucumber?” asked Igor.
“Let’s say I had a close encounter of a blurred kind with it 5 years ago!” said Gangreen, now making a huge evil smile. “Follow me, Igor!”
“Where are we going?” asked Igor.
“You’ll see!” said Gangreen, running off somewhere with Igor following him.
“But I still don’t know what types of vegetables you’re growing” said Igor.
“Republicans!” shouted Gangreen as he and Igor left the garden. Out of the garden sprouted little heads of familiar republican faces like Richard Nixon, George Bush Sr., as well as a George Bush Jr. “Have we got plans for this country, huh son?” George Sr. asked George Jr.
* * * * * *
Chad, Tara, and F.T. were still chasing after the rocket on skateboard. “Slow down, Chad”, said Tara, holding onto F.T. with one arm and onto Chad with the other. “We might bump into something or someone!”
“I can’t worry about that now!” shouted Chad. “We have to catch that rocket before I lose my parents again!”
“But how do you know if they’re onboard that rocket?” asked Tara. “It could be coming back trying to find more humans to take away. Maybe even you!”
“If that happens, maybe they’ll take me to my Mom and Dad”, said Chad. “That cucumber isn’t leaving this planet until I get some answers!”
F.T. made a nervous squeak for he had never seen Chad so determined and out of control before.
“I know what you mean, F.T.”, whispered Tara. Soon, the kids had followed the rocket out of the town and to the camp where the Tomato Worms resided.
“Hold it right there, kids”, said the Chief Worm. “You can’t go past the town’s limits! That’s where those killer tomatoes are searching for human flesh to eat!”
“But we need to follow that cucumber shaped rocket up there!” demanded Chad.
“We think it might lead to the mystery of what happened to Chad’s parents”, said Tara.
“Well, okay”, said the Chief Worm. “But at least let one worm go with you for protection. Let’s see, who should be the one? I know! Michael, you want the job as bodyguard?”
“Yeah, yeah!” said a worm who happened to be the same one who held up that upside-down sign on TV. He got onboard the skateboard with our heroes.
“Thanks a lot, Chief Worm”, said the kids as they skated off into the field continuing their chase.
“Why’d you choose Michael to go along with them?” asked another worm. “You know he was only born with two brains while the rest of us have four!”
“I know”, said the Chief Worm. “But the poor schmuck really needs a confidence booster!”
* * * * * *
In a camp that consisted of giant tomato soup cans, we see the villainous tomato leaders known as the Gang of 6, gathered around a table, playing cards. “You got any twos?” asked the muscular tomato known as Tomacho.
“Blowfish”, said the giant drooling tomato known as Ketchuck.
“That’s Go-Fish, not blowfish, you fool!” hissed the cobra like tomato known as Fang.
“How much do you all want to wager in this next round?” asked the tomato with bullhorns known as Beefsteak.
“All I got left are some toothpicks, chewed gum, and a penny holder, minus the pennies”, said the bandaged tomato known as Mumato.
“I can’t take this anymore!” shouted their leader, Zoltan, who started to smash the card table with a sledgehammer.
“Chill out, Oh doesn’t set a good example for a calm leader, Zoltan”, said Tomacho.
“Yeah, it’s not our fault you’re having a bad luck streak”, said Fang.
“It’s not just that”, groaned Zoltan. “It’s just we got this entire planet conquered, except for that one little dirt bag town known as San Zucchini!”
“Yes”, said Mumato. “It does cause us quite the frustrations. It’s like that one missing piece of a picture puzzle.”
“Or like missing one episode in a bootlegged video series you buy off the internet”, said Ketchuck.
“Who cares about one little town?” hissed Fang. “I’d much prefer if we took over the entire universe!”
“Yeah”, said Zoltan. “Now that you mention it, this Earth is only a tiny little seed in this garden we call a universe!”
“And I bet there’s no Tomato Worms in space to stop us from conquering those planets”, said Beefsteak.
“Who are we kidding?” grumbled Zoltan. “We need some kind of rocket thingy to get us into outer space. It’s not like one’s going to drop down around here right now.”
“You mean like that thing?” asked Ketchuck, pointing his stem somewhere. The Gang of 6 turned around and saw that rocket cucumber about to come in for a landing a mile from their camp.
“Looks like Santa’s left us an early Christmas present!” snickered Zoltan as he and the other tomatoes started to charge to the scene.
* * * * * *
(Continued from first page above.)
Chad, Tara, and F.T. were hiding behind a huge bush as they watched the huge rocket cucumber finally landing. “I’ve been waiting and hoping for this day in 5 years!” whispered Chad.
“It’s landing in the Gang of 6’s mulching grounds”, gasped Tara. “I’m sure they’re not going to be pleased about this!”
“It’s a cucumber”, said Chad. “It probably wants to land on something fertile.”
F.T. made a squeak for a small door suddenly opened on the side of the rocket. A stairway that looked like a celery stick slid out of the door.
“Please let two familiar people step out of that thing!” whispered Chad as he had his fingers crossed. Sure enough, something did come out of the door and went down the celery stairs. But unfortunately, it was only one being. It was short and wearing a green spacesuit. Its head was covered with a round helmet that looked like a green melon with a blue visor. And it was holding a bouquet of what looked like strange purple tulips.
“Could it be one of your parents?” asked Tara.
“No, it can’t be”, said a disappointed Chad. “That traveler is too short to be one of my parents. It looks like my size!”
“Maybe the aliens on that rocket shrunk your parents”, said Tara. “And they’re sharing a spacesuit.”
“SHRUNK MY PARENTS?!” gasped Chad.
“Sorry”, said Tara. “It’s sometimes hard coming up with bright sides!”
“I’m going to approach that alien”, said Chad with a determined face. Until F.T. got in his way making squeaking demands.
“F.T. is right, Chad”, said Tara. “What if that alien is hostile?”
“He is carrying flowers”, said Chad. “Maybe it’s a sign of peace.”
“Or they could be poisonous man-eating flowers”, said Tara. “Or even boy-eating flowers!”
Just then, the rocket and alien suddenly got surrounded by the Gang of 6. “Well, well. What have we got here?” laughed Zoltan. Chad quickly jumped back in the bush with his friends.
“How do you do strange visitor to our world?” said Tomacho. “We, the killer tomatoes of Earth, have come to welcome you. And to thrash you and take your rocket for ourselves.”
“OTAMOT! OTAMOT!” said the alien in a muffled voice from the helmet.
“What did it just call us?” asked Beefsteak.
“It sounded very insulting to me”, said Fang.
“Or maybe it was a compliment”, said Mumato.
“But I don’t like the way that space punk said it!” said Zoltan. “Let’s teach it a valuable Earth lesson! Ketchuck, do the honors.”
Ketchuck stuck out a vine, grabbed the alien by the ankles, and started swinging it around like yo-yo.
“Nice form!” said Tomacho. “You should compete in our first annual Tomato-lympics!”
“My doctor said I should avoid all sports”, said Ketchuck as he continued to spin the alien around.
“How horrible!” gasped Tara.
“Tara, can your tomato powers save that alien?” asked Chad.
“I’ll try”, said Tara. “But Ketchuck looks pretty strong though!” Tara concentrated and her eyes glowed red. Suddenly a red aura formed around the alien and got pulled out of Ketchuck’s grip and ended up smashing head first into a nearby tree.
“Aw, you got buttervines!” said Mumato.
“It ain’t me!” protested Ketchuck. “It’s that traitor tomato babe’s doing!” The Gang of 6 looked over and saw Chad, Tara, and F.T. tending to the knocked out alien.
“It’s those meddling kids again”, said Zoltan. “And their meddling dog!”
“Wrong cartoon!” said Fang.
“Oh yeah”, said Zoltan. “I meant to say meddling fuzzy tomato!”
“Let’s get ‘em!” shouted Beefsteak as the Gang of 6 started to roll right at our heroes.
“Uh oh”, said Tara holding the unconscious alien in her lap. “It looks like we’ve been spotted!”
“Don’t worry”, said Chad. “We got our Tomato Worm bodyguard with us. Right, Michael? Uh, Michael? Where’d you go?” Our heroes looked around and found Michael the Worm gone.
* * * * * *
In another part of the forest, we see Michael following after the same ants carrying the breadstick. “I’ve never seen a cute little worm like you around these parts before”, said Michael with hearts in his eyes. “And I love your perfume. Smells like seasoned dough!”
* * * * * *
The 6 tomatoes were getting closer and closer to the trembling heroes. “We’ll teach you to take our space munchies!” shouted Zoltan. Just then, Wilbur charged out of another bush holding his sword.
“Hold it right there, stems for brains!” shouted Wilbur. “You’re not making meals of them!”
“You’re going to stop us alone, Finletter?” laughed Zoltan. “Where’s the rest of your Task Force?”
“They’re in other parts of the world trying to undo the damage you did to our fine world”, said Wilbur. “But luckily, I got an army that’s just as deadly to tomatoes!” Wilbur flung his parachute in front of the Gang of 6 revealing the things killer tomatoes fear the most.
“TOMATO WORMS!” shouted the Gang of 6.
“I told you Michael wasn’t really the best worm for the job”, said the second worm pointing to a clearing where Michael was romancing the breadstick.
“I’ll give that boy a good talking to later”, said the Chief Worm. “Right now, it’s censored tomato torturing time!”
The worms started to jump on the tomatoes while the town’s censor lady appeared and put a CENSORED card in front of the screen. For what Tomato Worms do to tomatoes was too gross and horrible to even mention on TV or even in a fanfic.
“RETREAT!” shouted Zoltan as the Gang of 6 rolled off into the horizon while the Tomato Worms chased after them.
“It’s not the same as my Tomato Task Force”, said Wilbur. “But those worms seem to know how to do the job.” Then Wilbur turned to the huge cucumber shaped rocket and then turned to the kids and fuzzy tomato who was with the unconscious space suited alien.
“I guess you were right, Chad”, said Wilbur. “There really is such thing as a cucumber rocket.”
“And that’s not all”, said Chad, pointing to the unconscious alien. Wilbur looked with rage and picked up the alien by the shoulders.
“So it was you who took away my brother and sister in-law and caused Chad years of grief!” growled Wilbur. “What did you do with them? And if they’re still alive, you’d better bring them back before I kick alien butt!”
“Easy, Mr. Finletter”, said Tara as she and Chad tried to pull the alien out of Wilbur’s grip.
“We think he’s knocked out”, said Chad, pointing to the crack on the melon helmet. “That Gang of 6 seemed to really hurt him bad.”
“I see”, said Wilbur. “I suppose we can show this alien visitor or maybe alien invader some mercy and prove to him that Earth citizens aren’t so evil. Let’s get him back to the Pizza Palace.”
“But what about that rocket?” asked Tara, “Are we just going to leave it there where anyone can take it?”
“I wouldn’t worry about it”, said Wilbur. “The San Zucchini citizens never seem to notice weird stuff like huge vegetables. And besides, that worm over there hugging the breadstick can guard it.”
“Sure, whatever”, said Michael who was still hugging the breadstick, lovingly.
“Now let’s head back to the Pizza Palace”, said Wilbur as he and the kids picked up the alien and rushed back to the town. F.T. saw the purple tulips lying on the ground and gathered them up and followed after them.
Michael still had the breadstick wrapped around in his coils. “Oh, my popping fresh fragrance of worm!” said Michael. “Nothing will ever come between us!” Just then, the other breadstick that was carried by the second group of ants passed them by.
“Hello, even hotter worm babe!” said Michael, tossing the first breadstick into a ditch and started following the second one. “Sorry, first babe”, said Michael. “But we’ll always have whatever that was!” and he crawled off leaving the rocket unguarded.
Just then, Whitley White snuck out from behind a tree and got in front of the rocket. He then combed his hair, used a powder puff on his face, and finally took out a camcorder and aimed it at himself.
“This is Whitley White, broadcasting with an extremely low budget, bringing you the biggest news report in San Zucchini, no make that the world”, said Whitley. “I’m standing right behind what looks like a huge cucumber from space. That’s right sci-fi fans, an actual alien cucumber has landed near our humble nothing ever happens town. And I’m about to bravely enter this strange vegetable vessel and bring you footage of the bizarre and unknown.”
Whitley climbed up the celery stairs and entered the ship. “This is very interesting”, said Whitley. “So far, we know that alien cucumber rockets are very dark!” Just then, he heard something growling from above. It almost looked like some kind of carnivorous plant. “Mommy?” gasped Whitley as the toothy plant shot down from the darkness.
* * * * * *
Meanwhile, in the Pizza Palace’s storeroom, our heroes had the unconscious alien lying on a couch. “An actual alien life form”, said Chad, amazed. “And he’s just moments away of telling me what happened to my parents.”
“But what if he doesn’t know?” said Tara. “Maybe he wasn’t involved with your parents’ abduction. He could only be visiting Earth.”
“Well, we soon find out”, said Wilbur. “Let’s get this helmet off of him and see if we can wake him up.”
“Wait, Uncle Wilbur”, said Chad. “That helmet might be his life support. Taking it off might expose him to something that’s dangerous to him in our atmosphere.”
“Like Mr. Finletter’s cooking”, Tara whispered to F.T as they secretly giggled.
“There’s a crack in his helmet”, said Wilbur. “If there’s any life support in this helmet, it’s probably all leaked out by now.” And he started to remove the helmet.
“What if there’s a hideous looking alien face underneath that helmet?” asked Tara, covering her eyes. Just then, the helmet was removed and the alien’s face was finally exposed.
“It’s a girl!” gasped Wilbur.
“A girl?!” asked Tara, uncovering her eyes. Sure enough, it was a girl who looked like she was around 10 or 11. She looked human, only she had green skin with pointy ears. And she had bushy hair that really looked like a bush. Her hair was made of dark green leaves.
“It’s a g.. a girl!” gasped Chad, not expecting the space creature from the flying cucumber he hated all these years to be a young girl.”
“Don’t be fooled by appearances, Chad-boy”, said Wilbur. “This could be a clever disguise to throw us off guard. Or maybe she’s related to Dr. Gangreen. They’ve both got the same green skin!”
“I don’t think so, Mr. Finletter”, said Tara, studying the girl’s face. “Dr. Gangreen’s greenness came from a chemical explosion. This girl’s greenness is actually chlorophyll, a substance plants develop to feed themselves.”
“Are you sure, Tara?” asked Wilbur.
“Yes”, said Tara. “And Dr. Gangreen never had hair made of leaves. Except for that time Igor accidentally knocked a houseplant off the shelf and landed on Gangreen’s head. He he he he!”
Chad was standing there gawking in silence as he gazed at the mysterious green girl. “Isn’t it amazing, Chad?” said Tara, holding onto his shoulders. “A girl who’s part plant, just like me! Maybe I’ve found a kindred spirit!”
“I’m sorry, did you say something?” asked Chad as he continued to stare at the green girl. Just then, the girl opened her eyes which were yellow. And her pupils looked like tiny little pink posies.
“Ah, she’s awake”, said Wilbur, “Now maybe we can get some long awaited answers from her.”
The girl suddenly looked at the group surrounding her, she nervously sat up.
“Um, hi there”, said Tara. “Welcome to Earth. I’m sorry your first encounter here wasn’t a pleasant one. And I apologize for what those awful killer tomatoes did to you.”
“Moova zomba grzkluv mazzi krmdc crimz”, said the girl in a strange, but pretty voice.
“Sorry, but I don’t seem to understand you”, said Tara, puzzled.
“Grizba mufu nspa vkvig”, said the girl.
“She’s speaking some kind of alien language”, said Chad.
The girl took a look at Chad, then reached into the neck of her spacesuit and pulled out a photo. She saw the 5 year old boy in the picture and studied the 10 year old boy in front of her. “Voozta, mzbx, Chad Finletter?” asked the girl.
“Um, yes. That’s my name”, said Chad, surprised.
“Vannizva!” said the girl happily as she hugged Chad, causing him to blush. Then she grabbed Chad’s hands and tried to drag him out the door.
“Wait, where are you taking me?” asked Chad.
“Pefrl mifmif gruzz Saladovia!” said the girl.
“Hold it right there, missy!” said Wilbur, jumping in front of the door. “If you think you’re planning on taking away my nephew and doing unspeakable experiment tortures or even fanboy alien fantasies to him, you’re wrong!”
“Kazza vnko moof!” said the girl, trying to explain to Wilbur in a calm voice.
“Hold on a minute everyone”, said Tara getting in between them. “We all need to sit down and discuss this situation calmly.”
“How can we discuss anything when one of us doesn’t speak English?” demanded Wilbur.
F.T. made an annoyed squeak.
“Okay, make that two of us who doesn’t speak English”, sighed Wilbur.
The girl looked down at F.T. and saw him carrying those purple tulips in his stems. “Zu boink!” smiled the girl as she took the tulips from F.T. and patted his fuzzy head. Then the girl put the stems of the tulips in her mouth and started to aim the flower parts at our heroes.
“Oh no, she’s planning to fire on us!” shouted Wilbur as he tried to push, Chad, Tara, and F.T. back. But the girl ended up blowing some kind of yellow pollen at our heroes causing everyone to cough and sneeze
“What kind of alien evil is this?!” demanded Wilbur. “ACHOO!”
“Please forgive me for doing that to all of you”, said the girl.
“No problem, ACHOO!” said Tara, blowing her nose. “I usually get exposed to pepper a lot so I’m used to it, ACHOO!”
“Wait a minute, ACHOO!” said Chad. “You’re suddenly speaking English?”
“No, I’m actually still speaking Saladovian”, said the girl. “I just sprayed you with the pollen of the Translation Tulips grown in the Southern plains of Saladovia. It let’s you understand my language.”
“Saladovia?” asked Wilbur. “Didn’t that used to be part of the Soviet Union?”
“No”, said the girl. “Saladovia is my home planet. Oh, I should probably introduce myself. My name is Xylena.”
“Xylena”, said Chad. “What an amazing name. I’m…”
“Chad, I know”, said Xylena. “Your parents have told me such wonderful things about you.”
“My parents?” gasped Chad. “You know them?”
“Yes”, said Xylena. “They are my dearest friends and wish to see you again. So I’ve come to bring you to them.”
“Where are they?” asked Chad nervously.
“Why on my home planet of Saladovia of course”, smiled Xylena.
“Wait a minute, hold the phone!” demanded Wilbur. “You mean you didn’t bring Chad’s parents back home?”
“I couldn’t bring them back here”, said Xylena sadly.
“And why not?” demanded Wilbur with rage. “And why did you take them away in your ship 5 years ago? You’d better start explaining before I make a side salad out of you!” and he pointed his sword at Xylena.
“You must be Wilbur Finletter”, said Xylena. “Rob and Elisa warned me you were a little, if I may borrow an Earth slogan, insane in the brain.”
“It comes from defending this country from killer tomatoes”, said Wilbur. “If you saw the horrors me and my brave comrades went through battling those ketchup creeps, you’ll see why I act like this. Now are you gonna explain why you did what you did five years ago?!” Chad and Tara tried to push Uncle Wilbur back.
“It wasn’t me who took away Chad’s parents”, said Xylena. “I was only a little sprout back then. It was my elders who took them away.”
“But why did they take my Mom and Dad?” asked Chad.
“They didn’t want to do it, but our planet was in a desperate situation”, said Xylena. “If you’ll come back to my rocket, I’ll explain everything.”
“What do you say, Uncle Wilbur?” asked Chad.
“I don’t know”, said Wilbur. “It sounds like a trap to me.”
“But she might be telling the truth”, said Chad. “I could actually see Mom and Dad again.”
“Well, I know how you feel, Chad-boy”, said Wilbur. “I miss them a whole bunch too. But I’m coming along with you!”
“Thank you”, said Xylena, bowing to him.
“But I warn you”, said Wilbur, pointing his sword, “If you try anything funny the minute we’re on that huge cucumber. I’ll slice my way through it, and you if I have to!”
“Gulp”, went Xylena.
“Forgive him, please”, whispered Tara. “He’s had quite a few bad experiences with certain vegetables.”
* * * * * *
Later, Xylena had led our heroes back to the rocket. “Good, the coast is clear”, said Wilbur. “Okay, let’s go.” Xylena, Chad, Tara, Wilbur, and F.T. climbed the celery stairs and entered the ship.
“It sure is dark in here”, said Chad.
“Can you turn on the lights?” asked Tara.
“Of course”, said Xylena. “Citrie, could you please?” Suddenly the lights went on. Our heroes found themselves in a hallway that looked like the inside of a cucumber with green walls decorated in seeds. “Thank you Citrie”, said Xylena, talking to what looked like a small glowing lemon attached to a wall.
“My pleasure, Xylena”, said the lemon. “Always love to brighten your day.”
“A lemon lightbulb?” gasped Chad. “And it’s talking too?”
“Why are you surprised?” asked Tara. “Some certain plant life can talk and even glow.” Tara’s red eyes glowed at Chad.
Xylena had led our heroes into a big room. There was a huge window in the front, the seats looked like huge pea pods, and it looked like there was also a huge salad bar with lots of vegetation.
“Is this your ship’s galley?” asked Chad.
“No, this is the cockpit”, said Xylena.
“Why do you have a salad bar in your cockpit?” asked Tara.
“This here is the control panel”, smiled Xylena as she sat down in the front pea pod and started twisting certain radishes and cherries and pulling down on a carrot like a lever. The vegetables started flashing and making strange blinking noises.
“You mean you operate this rocket with plant life?” asked Chad.
“Of course”, said Xylena proudly. “All of our Saladovian technology is plant life. It’s the most advanced and environmentally friendly source of technology in the universe. Right, Q-51?”
“You’d better believe it, babe!” said a voice. Our heroes looked around in surprise and suddenly, a hatch opened in the center of the cockpit, and out rose a glass jar. And in the jar was a huge glowing seed.
“Hey, there Earth forms”, said the seed, “The name’s Q-51. The finest, fastest, most handsomest, rocket cucumber from Saladovia.”
“Not to mention egotistic”, sighed Xylena.
“Amazing”, said Tara, coming closer to the seed in a jar. “A little seed that already has the ability to talk at a young age.”
“You called me young!” said the seed as it looked like it was pouring out tears of joy. “Despite that I reached the middle aged years last month!”
“What you’re looking at is the brain of this rocket”, sighed Xylena, “Which is in need of many more years of maturing!”
“This is all really fascinating”, said Chad. “But I really want to know what happened to my parents.”
“Oh yes. Your parents”, said Xylena, blushing. “You see….” But before she could answer, the rocket started to rumble and shake.
“What’s going on?!” cried Tara as F.T. jumped into her arms.
“Q-51, you didn’t skip breakfast again, did you?” demanded Xylena.
“Hey, you already watered and fertilized me this morning so how could I skip it?” said Q-51 in a sarcastic voice. “And I think you all should look out the windows.” Our heroes peeked out the cockpit’s portholes and saw some things trying to bang and knock the rocket over.
“TOMATOES!” shouted Tara.
“OTAMOTS!” shouted Xylena.
“Otamots?” asked Chad. “It’s the Gang of 6! They must’ve ditched the Tomato Worms somehow!”
Sure enough, the Gang of 6 was back and they brought with them a horde of tomato soldiers banging the bottom of the rocket.
“That’s it!” shouted Ketchuck. “Take that rocket and rock it! HA HA HA! I love puns!”
“I prefer punch lines!” shouted Zoltan as he punched Ketchuck in the face causing drool to spout on Zoltan. “Gross!” groaned a messy Zoltan.
“Let’s go in and really put them in orbit!” shouted Beefsteak as he tried to climb the stairs and enter the door. But he was so big that he couldn’t get through. “Blast these horns!” grumbled the bull tomato.
“Let me go in!” hissed Fang. “I can slither my way through anything!” The snake tomato tried to squeeze in but couldn’t get through either.
“None of us seem to be petit enough to get through that very small door”, said Mumato.
“Maybe we should consider Atkins?” asked Tomacho.
“Nyaaah, let’s just make a bigger door”, said Zoltan. “Men, charge up your appetites!” The tomato soldiers started to chomp their fangs like a bunch of hungry piranhas and was about to do some serious nibbling.
“Xy baby!” said Q-51, “Be a cool kid and GET ME OUT OF HERE BEFORE I’M LUNCH!”
“Right”, said Xylena as she sat in the main pea pod chair as vines wrapped around her waist. “You’ll all need to be seated as well.” Suddenly vines shot out of the other pea pod chairs and seized Chad and Tara by the waists and pulled them into the seats.
“This is certainly a good way to never forget to buckle up”, said Tara as she was holding F.T.
“Uncle Wilbur?” asked Chad as he turned his head and saw Wilbur trying to charge out of the cockpit while his parachute was being seized by the vine of his chair.
“We’re not going to let those tomato jerks make us run like a bunch of yellow bellies!” shouted Wilbur. “I’m going down there and taking care of them myself!” Xylena just made a sigh and pushed a strawberry button on the control panel. More vines started to shoot out of the chair, seizing Wilbur, causing him to sit down. “MGMGML!” mumbled an angry Wilbur for his mouth was wrapped up to protest.
“Prepare for blast off!” said Xylena as she took out what looked like a chili pepper and threw it into a slot on the control panel. Suddenly, the rocket started to explode at the bottom knocking the killer tomatoes back. And the rocket blasted off into space. The Gang of 6 started jumping around making censored cursing phrases as they watched the rocket disappear into the night sky.
“This is a fine kettle of tomato soup!” groaned Tomacho. “Oops, pardon my language, please.”
“Now how are we supposed to get hold of our only transport to outer space?” asked Zoltan.
“Perhaps I can be of assistance”, said a voice. The Gang of 6 turned around and found Dr. Gangreen and Igor dressed in space suits.
* * * * * *
The rocket known as Q-51 was now seen flying in space. “Okay, we’ve seemed to have escaped”, said Xylena. “Are you all right, Q-51?”
“Yeah, I’ll survive”, said Q-51.
“MGFML!” mumbled Wilbur, who was still completely wrapped up in his chair.
“Oops, my apologies”, said Xylena. “I guess I can turn off the fasten seat vines sign.” She pushed the strawberry button again and everyone was released from their seats and suddenly floated around.
“I’m floating!” shouted Tara. “Have we become ghosts?”
“Don’t worry, Tara”, said Chad. “There’s little gravity in space. Astronauts go through this all the time.”
F.T. made a squeak while pointing to the front window. Our heroes floated over and saw something amazing.
“Is that the Earth?” asked Tara. “It looks so amazing from way up here.”
“It sure is”, said Chad. “I’ve always wanted to see the Earth all the way from space. I just wish it wasn’t that evil red color.”
“It’s all the fault of those blasted tomatoes!” grumbled Wilbur. “Nobody turns my humble home planet into a ball of ketchup. One day I’ll make those monsters pay!”
Suddenly, our heroes fell down to the floor in a huge pile.
“Many pardons again”, said Xylena as she went over to offer them a hand. “I just turned on the gravity so we wouldn’t be floating around like a bunch of leaves in a gale.”
“No problem”, said Chad as he reached for Xylena’s hand. As Chad got up, he looked into Xylena’s flower like pupils. “Man, she’s pretty”, Chad thought to himself. “What am I thinking? I should really be thinking about my lost parents! But this amazing alien girl could actually lead me to them.”
“Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Xy”, said Q-51, “One of our guards had captured an intruder when you stepped out of me.”
“An intruder?” asked Xylena.
“Shall I bring him here in your presence?” asked Q-51. “Don’t worry, he seems harmless. But he sure does talk in an annoying voice though.”
“As long as he doesn’t cause me and my new friends harm”, said Xylena.
“Okay, Munchie. Bring in the intruder”, called out Q-51. Suddenly, a huge Venus flytrap had slithered into the cockpit. Our heroes backed away as they saw something moving in the flytrap’s jaws. The plant spit out a man covered in green saliva.
“Whitley White?!” gasped our heroes.
“YECHH!” grumbled Whitley as he tried to wipe off saliva. “I sure hope 60 Minutes will be worth all of this!”
“Is he a friend of yours?” Xylena asked Chad.
“You know, I’m not really sure”, said Chad. “He always somehow appears in the dangerous situations we’re in and usually ends up talking to himself.”
“What do you think you’re doing here, Whitley?” demanded Wilbur. “Don’t you know that stepping into giant unknown vegetable life is dangerous?”
“I’m a news reporter”, said Whitley, “It’s my job to take risks. If we news reporters did no such things, we’d all be weathermen!” Whitley suddenly looked around the cockpit and the green plant-like girl. “Amazing!” said Whitley. “I have to get all of this on film. Where’s my camcorder? It must still be in that carnivorous plant!”
“Munchie, give the nice Earthman his device back please”, said Xylena.
“Okay”, said the flytrap as he spit out the saliva covered camera back in Whitley’s hand. Only to find that it was short circuiting and it fell apart.
“This is a fine how-do-you-do!” grumbled Whitley. “The biggest news story of my career, and I can’t get any footage of it! I wish I brought a spare camcorder!”
“I just wish I get to see my Mom and Dad right now”, sighed Chad.
“Don’t worry, we will”, said Xylena, getting back in her pilot’s seat. “Q-51, take us back home!”
“Next stop, Saladovia!” said Q-51 as the rocket started to leave Earth behind and head off into the unknown reaches of the universe.
TO BE CONTINUED
Last edited by Cullen; 10-09-2007 at 08:56 PM.
Planet of the Tomatoes
By Cullen Pittman
Possessor of Their Soils
The Gang of 6 members were looking mean-eyed at Dr. Gangreen and his clueless assistant, Igor, who were both wearing spacesuits. “Hello, my precious creations”, smiled Gangreen, “Beefsteak, you’re looking big and beefy. Tomacho, are you working out? Ketchuck, always full of yourself, huh? Mumato, did you get your bandages dry cleaned? Fang, love what you’ve done with your scales. And, Zoltan. My fine fruited Zoltan.”
“Cut the stem-kissing, Gangreen!” growled Zoltan. “Just what are you and your simple minded sidekick doing in our parts?”
“Simple minded?” asked Igor looking around. “Doc, did you get another assistant? One that isn’t too smart?”
“Igor!” grumbled Gangreen.
“And why are you dressed in those ridiculous spacesuits?” hissed Fang.
“I heard you were in need of a rocket to go into space”, said Gangreen. “And it so happens I have one that can fit all six of you.”
“Oh, really?” said Mumato. “Keep talking!”
“Whoa, whoa! Hold the phone!” shouted Zoltan. “There ain’t no way we’re working with you again!”
“Yeah!” said Beefsteak. “Every time we follow your plans, we end up as tomato paste!”
“What if I offer you a delight that none of you ever experienced before?” asked Gangreen.
“You mean like seeing you swimming naked in a vat of battery acid?” asked Tomacho.
“No, and stunts like that aren’t allowed on this kids’ network”, said Gangreen. “I’m talking about this stuff!” Gangreen took out a small burlap sack and showed them what’s inside it.
“Soil?” asked Fang.
“That’s nothing!” grumbled Zoltan. “This whole planet is a ball of soil. We can get it for free!”
“Wait a minute”, said Ketchuck as he hopped over and started sniffing it. “This soil smells different from the soil we’re used to. It smells almost better.”
“Then my dear Ketchuck”, smiled Gangreen. “You can have the honor of being the first Earth tomato to taste soil that’s out of this world!” Gangreen took a small clump of soil and put it on Ketchuck’s tongue. When the huge fat tomato rolled the soil on his tongue and swallowed it. His eyes started to swirl and a huge smile appeared on his drooling face.
“Ketchuck, are you okay?” asked Tomacho.
“Okay?” gasped Ketchuck. “It’s like there’s a wild party in my mouth and the cops just arrested my taste buds for going out of control!”
“Wow!” said Mumato. “It must be good soil for Ketchuck to actually think up a metaphor like that!”
“Free samples for everyone”, said Gangreen as he threw out more clumps of soil to the hungry tomatoes.
“This is quite good”, said Fang.
“Badabing, badaboom!” said Mumato.
“It’s like I’ve died an entered the goddess Demeter’s garden!” sighed Tomacho.
“The Doc isn’t steering us wrong!” said Beefsteak as he let out his soil covered tongue.
“Forget it!” growled Zoltan as he looked at the clump of soil next to him for he refused to eat it. “There’s no way I’ll trust you, Gangreen. You’ve probably drugged it with something to put us under your control!”
“I’m hurt that you don’t trust me, Zoltan”, sighed Gangreen. “Igor, show our friend that this soil is not tainted.”
“Aw, do I have to?” moaned Igor.
“Yes, you have to”, said Gangreen, taking out a hypo needle that read, WHEN IGOR REFUSES.
“Oh, all right your bossiness”, sighed Igor as he picked up some of the soil and made a face as he ate it and then swallowed it.
“So you see?” smiled Gangreen. “I’d never put my assistant’s life in danger. I only do that on bad days!”
“Well, okay”, said Zoltan as he took a taste of the soil. Suddenly, he felt the same sensations his tomato comrades felt.
“My stems feel all tingly!” gasped Zoltan as he started jumping up and down like a madman. “I feel like a little school-tomato! Gimme more!”
“My pleasure”, said Gangreen as he threw the sack on the ground as Zoltan tried to pick it up.
“Hey, quit hogging!” shouted Beefsteak.
“Save some for me!” shouted Fang.
“I want it all!” shouted Ketchuck. Soon the whole Gang of 6 started to fight over the sack creating a huge cartoon fight cloud.
“Just like Thanksgiving dinner with my relatives”, smiled Gangreen wickedly, “Only with less violence.”
Igor was too busy gargling with mouth wash, trying to get the soil taste out of his mouth. “I have a feeling I’m gonna be making fertilizer in the morning!” he groaned.
Soon, the sack was completely torn up and all the mysterious soil had been eaten. “More, More, MORE!” growled the Gang of 6 with hypnotic like eyes.
“Tell us where on this planet we can get more of that delicious soil before we tear you both up!” growled Zoltan in a desperate voice.
“Oh, but it’s not on this planet”, said Gangreen calmly. “And I’m sorry to say that’s the last of it on this Earth.”
“You can’t mean it?” wailed Ketchuck.
“But I do know of a planet that’s full of that succulent soil”, said Gangreen. “And I know a way to get you all there.”
“Yes, we’ll do what you say!” cried Fang.
“Just what’s the catch?” demanded Zoltan.
“Just give me access to my old laboratory and I’ll show you”, said Gangreen.
The Gang of 6 huddled together, mumbled to each other, and then turned to the doctor. “Okay, but no funny business!” sneered Zoltan.
“You won’t regret this, my friends”, said Gangreen, wickedly.
* * * * * *
Meanwhile, we see the rocket cucumber known as Q-51 traveling through space piloted by the mysterious plant girl, Xylena, with her passengers, Chad, Tara, F.T., Wilbur, and Whitley White.
“Hello, Sam”, said Wilbur, talking on his cell phone. “The kids and I are going on a little trip somewhere. So you’re in command of the Killer Tomato Task Force while I’m away. Where are we going? It’s hard to explain. Let’s just say I’d rather keep it top secret for now. Goodbye.” Wilbur turns off his phone, “Gee, I hope Sam’s all right. His voice sounded almost staticky.”
“We’re in outer space, Uncle Wilbur”, said Chad. “Your cell phone’s totally out of range from Earth.”
“Look, Chad”, said Tara, looking out the front window. “That looks like Mars!”
“Yes, I think so”, said Chad. “But we just left Earth a few minutes ago. You mean this rocket is fast enough to get us to Mars like that?”
“Of course”, called out Q-51. “I’m a Q-51. The most advanced rocket in all of Saladovia. You dare doubt my speeding skill?”
“I’m looking at all these planets and stars and I have no way to film all of this”, groaned Whitley. “It’s like I’ve died and gone to news reporter’s Heck.”
“You’re in need of a camera, Mr. White?” asked Xylena. “I can arrange that. Oh, Sunny!”
Suddenly, a tall sunflower with root-like feet entered the cockpit. “You called for me?” asked the sunflower who had a girl’s face.
“Sunny, can you please provide our friend some camera service for his Earth news show?” asked Xylena.
“But of course”, said Sunny as she folded her petals over her face and they took the form of some kind of camera lens.”
“Amazing”, said Whitley, “A video camera that runs by flower power. You wouldn’t mind if I take some of your seeds back home with me so I can raise a news crew of flower cameras, do you?”
“Sorry”, said Sunny. “But I don’t want my children getting involved with TV people. They’re more the home movies type.”
“Anyway”, said Whitley. “This is Whitley White, not on Earth right now. That’s right! I’m reporting live from outer space in a cucumber shaped rocket. You heard right! And I’ll be bringing you story after story of amazing planets and possibly new life forms.”
“Look at that huge planet out there!” gasped Tara, pointing to the front window.
“That looks like Jupiter”, said Chad, “The largest planet in our solar system.”
“Why does it have that red spot?” asked Tara. “I hope that’s not a huge tomato stain.”
“No, I heard that red section of Jupiter is just a big storm”, said Chad.
“I can give you a closer look with my zoom camera”, said Xylena, as she pushed a blueberry on her control deck and the picture of Jupiter got larger. It turned out the red spot on Jupiter were huge lips covered with lipstick and the lips blew a kiss to the rocket.
“Oh, gee!” mumbled Q-51, “Every time I pass through this part of the galaxy, that huge planet blows me a kiss!”
“Jupiter must be a female planet”, said Tara.
“I hope”, said Q-51.
Chad made a confused look at what he saw until they came across another planet. “Hey, look. There’s Saturn”, said Chad.
“Those rings are so beautiful”, said Tara. “I wonder what they’re made of?”
“I heard they’re a bunch of rocks and dust circling around the planet”, said Chad.
“I was always told that those rings are a bunch of huge deep fried onion rings”, said Wilbur. Everyone looked at him funny.
“We can find out for you”, said Xylena. “Q-51, could you please?”
“Coming right up, Xy-doll!” said Q-51. Suddenly, a huge flytrap, like the one that seized Whitley earlier, ejected from the rocket. It pinched off a piece of Saturn’s rings and went back inside. Suddenly, a hatch opened from the cockpit’s ceiling and dropped the ring piece in front of our heroes. Wilbur took a taste of it.
“I was right!” said Wilbur. “Saturn’s rings are big onion rings!”
“You’re joking?” gasped Chad, surprised.
“Taste for yourself”, said Wilbur, shoving the other end to him, Tara, and F.T. The Fuzzy Tomato took a crunch of it and squeaked, “Onion ring!”
“He’s right, Chad”, said Tara, also tasting a piece. Chad sniffed it and then ate a piece.
“The people at the San Zucchini planetarium aren’t going to believe this!” said Chad, puzzled.
“And there you have it, Earth dwellers”, said Whitley. “So far on this amazing space trip, we’ve learned that red spot on Jupiter are red smooching lips and Saturn rings are really huge onion rings! You heard it first from Whitley White!” Just then, yet another planet appeared in the front screen. “And now it looks like we’re getting a close up of the seventh planet”, said Whitley. “The planet of a thousand butt-jokes, Ur…”
“No, no, no, no!” said the Censor Lady who suddenly appeared on the screen and covered the planet with a huge CENSORED sign. “You will not do any Ura…., I mean, seventh planet jokes on this cartoon!”
“Why can’t I?” whined Whitley. “All the other cartoons are doing Uranus jokes these days! Why can’t this one?”
“It’s a matter of good family taste”, said the Censor Lady. “And speaking of good taste, I want to point out to all the viewers that Saturn’s rings are not made of deep fried onions and the red mark on Jupiter is not a mouth covered with red lipstick. You’re giving all the children watching misinformation! You don’t want them all getting Fs in science class, do you?”
“And you’re forgetting one more thing”, sighed Chad. “People can’t survive in space without spacesuits.”
“Oh dear!” gasped the Censor Lady, realizing she had been floating outside in space in her regular clothes. She started gasping for air and her head started to expand like a balloon. She quickly covered her head with the censored sign as an explosion was heard and her body floated away in space.
“Will she be all right?” Xylena asked Chad.
“Yeah”, said Chad. “The animators will just paint another head on her.”
“I never knew there were so many planets in this big universe”, said Tara. “And now there’s a new one I’ve never heard of. A planet called Saladovia.”
“Saladovia is not really new to me”, said Xylena. “It’s been around for zillions of years. And so has our evil neighboring planet, Otamot 13.”
“Otamot?” asked Chad, “I remember that name. That’s what you called those killer tomatoes that were attacking Q-51.”
“Which is a memory I would love to push out of my seed, thank you very much”, grumbled Q-51’s brain seed from inside its jar.
“Well, those to-ma-toes sure do resemble the Otamots”, said Xylena, shivering, “Our planet’s arch enemies.” She then turned to F.T. sitting in Tara’s lap. “You know”, said Xylena. “Your Earth pet certainly does look a lot like an Otamot.”
“Really?” asked Tara concerned while holding a nervous F.T.
“But no, that can’t be”, smiled Xylena, patting F.T’s head. “This cutie is adorable and friendly. Otamots are vicious, ugly, and will harm anything just for the fun of it. In fact, they were the reason why we needed your parents, Chad.”
“What did my parents have to do with all that?” gasped Chad.
“Perhaps now is the time I tell you the reason”, said Xylena as she walked to a nearby TV screen on the wall. She took out what looked like a pineapple ring.
“A pineapple ring?” asked Chad.
“This will show you our Saladovian history”, said Xylena as she slid the ring into a slot like it was a DVD. Suddenly, a picture of a brown soil-colored planet with continents that looked like green leaves, appeared on the screen.
“This here is my beloved, Saladovia”, said Xylena. Then it showed a close up of the planet’s surface and a bunch of houses and buildings that looked like huge fruits and vegetables such as carrots, eggplants, pears, etc. And it showed a bunch of green skinned people with leaves for hair walking around, waving hi to each other with their branch-like hands.
“As you can see, we Saladovians are a peaceful race”, said Xylena. “We were living happily with our life of fertile soil, fresh water, and lots of sunshine, until that dreaded day when the Otamots invaded.”
Then we see a giant tomato shaped spaceship land on Saladovia’s surface and out charged a race of hostile aliens. They had round red bodies, green muscular arms and legs, three green eyes and two mouths on each face, and green leaves on top of their heads that almost looked like antennas.
“TOMATOES!” grumbled Wilbur.
“Otamots, actually”, said Xylena. “We Saladovians didn’t have the skills to fight or protect ourselves from those monsters so the Otamots easily conquered us. They enslaved us, took most of our soil and water for themselves, and made our lives miserable.”
“Just like how the killer tomatoes did to our beloved Earth”, said Tara, sadly as she saw the misery the Saladovians were experiencing, working in the fields while being whipped on the backs by the evil Otamots.
“Our beloved King of Saladovia, who was in hiding at the time, ordered his footmen to take their hidden rockets and search for the greatest, strongest, and wisest warriors in the universe to save us all”, said Xylena. “Q-51, who was piloted by the king’s best footman, went to check out Earth. There, the footman saw two Earthlings, a male and a female, fighting off a horde of vicious Earth Otamots, or killer tomatoes to you. It was then the footman decided that these two warriors might be the ones who could save our planet.”
“My Mom and Dad!” cried Chad, recognizing the couple on the screen, successfully defeating the killer tomatoes. Then it showed the same rocket seizing the couple with its vines and taking them away. “No, please turn it off!” cried Chad as he covered his eyes. “I don’t want to relive that memory again!”
“Oh dear”, said Xylena, quickly turning off the screen as she watched Tara hugging the saddened Earth boy. “I’m sorry, Chad. I should’ve realized that might’ve been a too sad memory to relive.”
“I’ll be okay”, said Chad, getting himself back together. “Go ahead and let it play. I want to see what happens next.”
“Very well”, said Xylena. She tried to turn the screen back on but all she got was static. “What the…?” gasped Xylena as she ejected the pineapple ring and found a bite had been taken out of it. “Not again?” groaned Xylena. “The system just ate another disc! I keep forgetting that this machine plays only minus R discs. It always has an appetite for the plus R ones!”
“Wait a minute!” said Wilbur. “I want to know something! If they were searching for the universe’s greatest, strongest, and wisest warriors, why didn’t they come for me as well?”
“Well, um, uh”, said Xylena. “How can I put this in Earth words that aren’t insulting?”
“Maybe the Saladovians thought you were too great, strong, and wise that they needed you to stay on Earth to protect it, Mr. Finletter”, said Tara, winking at Xylena.
“Yes, that’s it”, said Xylena, sighing of relief.
“I can understand that”, said Wilbur.
“Wait a minute, Xylena”, said Chad. “You mean your people took my parents away from Earth to become warriors without asking their permission first?”
“We were all desperate”, said Xylena, “The Otamots had to be stopped and your parents’ combat skills were our only hope. So we had to recruit them.”
“That sure seems like a powerful draft board you can’t get out of”, said Whitley.
“At first, your parents were reluctant during the voyage”, said Xylena. “But once we got them to Saladovia and saw those horrible Otamots hurting all of us, they decided they wanted to help us.”
“That’s typical of Rob and Elisa”, said Wilbur. “They can’t resist defending anyone from killer tomatoes or anything that looks like a tomato.”
“And they were great at defending”, said Xylena. “Rob and Elisa led a rebellion force that fought off those evil Otamots. It took quite a few of your Earth years, but they finally drove those Otamots off our planet making Saladovia and our people free. I remember that victorious day.”
“But why didn’t they return my parents back home?” asked Chad.
“Well…”, said Xylena, stuttering a little. “The king was so grateful for your parents help and courage that he made them official ambassadors of our planet.”
“You mean Mom and Dad would rather stay on Saladovia than on Earth with me?” protested Chad.
“Oh no”, said Xylena. “Your parents missed you very much during those days of the Otamot War. That is why I came here to bring you to them. They are very eager to see you again.”
“How are they doing now?” asked Chad.
“Oh, we’ve treated them very well”, said Xylena. “We gave them such praise and luxuries for their heroics. A great home, caring servants, and riches, but all they really wanted was to have their son back in their presence.”
“What loving parents”, said Tara with tears in her eyes. F.T. had the same tears of emotion too.
“Then what are we waiting for?” said Chad. “Q-51, can you take us to Saladovia ASAP? I have two parents waiting for me!”
“Well, in that case”, said Q-51, revving up his motor. “It’s time to get hyper! Hyperspace that is!” And the rocket blasted off faster than usual.
“And there you have it viewers from Earth”, said Whitley holding onto his pea pod seat while he had his microphone in his trench coat. “I’ll be bringing you more on this amazing voyage to the far off planet of Saladovia. But now, we bring you back to that disgrace of Earth, Dr. Putrid T.Gangreen!”
* * * * * *
Last edited by Cullen; 07-14-2007 at 02:44 PM.
(Continued from page above.)
Back on Earth, we find ourselves at the old laboratory home of Dr. Gangreen. The Gang of 6 had let Gangreen and Igor back into their lab. “Okay, Doc”, said Zoltan. “We let you back into your former lab. But you’d better not try to clown around!”
It showed Igor in clown makeup, trying to make some balloon animals. “Igor, this is not the time!” grumbled Gangreen as he took out a pin and popped Igor’s adorable bunny balloon.
“And I was gonna give him a career at Warner Bros”, grumbled Igor, looking at his deflated bunny balloon.
“So where is this so-called rocket of yours?” asked Mumato.
“Patience”, said Gangreen, reaching for a video tape from a nearby shelf. “First, I want to show you and the viewers an interesting story.” He inserted the tape in a nearby VCR and the TV above it went on. It showed Gangreen’s laboratory home and on the right bottom side were silhouettes of a guy and two robots making wisecracks.
“It looks like The Rocky Horror Picture Show”, said the guy.
“Let’s do the Time Warp again”, said the gumball machine shaped robot.
“Play the theme to the Munsters!” said the big beaked robot, “Or better yet, The Addams Family!”
“How’d you fools get on here again?!” grumbled Gangreen as he peeled off the silhouettes like a sticker, crumpled them up, and threw them away. “Anyway”, said Gangreen. “This was filmed 5 years ago. Watch what happens.”
The video showed the rocket cucumber zooming by a little too close to Gangreen’s home scrapping itself against the top of the weathervane on the roof causing something to spill out. Then it showed Gangreen rushing to the top of the roof seeing the unusual rocket. He took out a telescope and spied the rocket hovering over the park taking away two people and then blasting off into the sky. “What the heck is that thing?” asked Gangreen. Then he looked at his weathervane and saw something stuck on the metal rooster’s beak. Gangreen slowly and carefully picked the item off as the rooster started to snap its beak at him. “Very fascinating”, said Gangreen for the item was a piece of the rocket cucumber’s skin.
As Gangreen was pacing around the roof studying the skin sample, he stepped into something moist. He looked down and spotted some kind of soil. “I’ve told those tomato slobs a thousand times not to leave their leftovers lying around!” grumbled Gangreen. “Wait a minute! This doesn’t look like any kind of soil I’ve seen on Earth. And what’s this?” Gangreen found a small piece of paper mixed with the soil. He dragged it out and discovered it was a map that led from Earth to some far away planet. Gangreen made a wicked smile and then the tape ended.
“So that’s where you got that delicious soil from”, hissed Fang.
“And I bet that planet is loaded with that soil!” said Beefsteak, snorting like a hungry bull wanting to graze.
“So how do we get to this soil haven?” asked Mumato. “We got no mode of transport!”
“Oh, but you’re wrong”, smiled Gangreen. “For I took that flying cucumber’s sample and mixed it with some killer tomato DNA and the results were unbelievable.” Gangreen looked over at a nearby calendar with a square marked, TODAY’S THE DAY. “Yes, it should be ripe about now”, said Gangreen in an eager voice. He went over to a nearby file cabinet and pushed it out of the way revealing a red button. He pushed it and suddenly the house started to shake and the floor started to split open. The Gang of 6 hopped to one side of the floor while Gangreen and Igor were standing on the other side. And then the entire house started to split in two leaving a huge hole in the center. Then something started to slowly rise out of the hole, something enormous.
“It’s another rocket cucumber!” gasped Zoltan.
“Only it seems more tomato like!” said Tomacho. Sure enough, it looked like the Q-51 rocket cucumber. Only this rocket was bigger and it was red instead of green. And it had an evil looking toothy smile on the nose of the rocket. And it was sitting in a gigantic flower pot.
“Behold, my tomato comrades”, said Gangreen proudly. “The Galactic Gangreen Express, probably my finest creation ever. It took me 5 long years to grow, but it was worth it. Care to step inside? Unlike that last rocket, this one has a bigger door and more space for giant killer tomatoes” He pushed a button on the side of the new rocket and the door opened. The Gang of 6 slowly entered the rocket and became amazed at all the controls and technology surrounding them.
“This is quite a vessel the doctor has grown”, said Fang.
“And look”, said Tomacho. “There are even some seats our sizes”, Sure enough, there were 6 giant seats along with two smaller seats on the front cockpit. And each seat had the villains’ names on them.
“I guess this one’s mine”, said Mumato as he hopped into the giant seat that had his name on it. “It fits me like a pharaoh’s sarcophagus!” The other tomatoes sat down in the seats that had their names on them.
“How come Ketchuck gets the biggest seat?” asked Beefsteak, pointing to the extra huge seat, marched Ketchuck.
“Because our rotund friend, Ketchuck, has a big seat!” said Fang.
“You’d better believe it!” said Ketchuck with a slobbery smile as he snuggled into his extra wide seat.
“What’s with those tiny seats in the front?” asked Zoltan, pointing to the front seats that read, Gangreen and Igor.
“Those are for the pilot and the co-pilot”, said Gangreen as he and Igor had entered the cockpit.
“You mean…?” gasped Zoltan.
“That’s right”, said Gangreen. “I’ll be your pilot for this outer space flight and I will take you to the planet of that sweet soil.”
“And I’ll be your daring co-pilot”, said Igor. “I had practice flying in an actual simulator.”
“That was only a Nintendo game you played for 27 long hours when you should’ve been doing your chores!” grumbled Gangreen.
“What if we decide to throw you both out and take this rocket for ourselves?” asked Zoltan.
“Because only I know the directions to this soil filled planet”, said Gangreen. “Remember the map I found?”
“Well, what if we decide to pry the map out of your green little hands?” snorted Beefsteak.
“You can’t!” laughed Gangreen. “For I had the map torn up and burned. But before I did that, I studied and memorized the map for the past five years, so the directions are now locked away in my brilliant mind. So you all have no choice, but to make me your pilot and navigator.”
“If we must”, hissed Fang.
“Anything to get that soil in our stems!” drooled Ketchuck.
“No way!” shouted Zoltan. “No soil is worth taking orders from the Doc again, no matter how delicious it is! Come on, Gang of 6, back to our camp!” The tomatoes got out of their seats and were about to leave the rocket.
“Oh look”, said Gangreen, reaching into his spacesuit and taking out a smaller bag. “It looks like I still have a tiny bit of that soothing soil left.”
“Gimme! GIMME!” growled Ketchuck as he jumped on top of Zoltan, bounced off of him, and charged at the bag and the other tomatoes did the same to Zoltan squashing him flat. Gangreen threw the bag on the floor and the tomatoes started to huddle around it chomping away.
“Show some restraint you softies!” growled Zoltan, getting back up. “There’s no way this tomato’s gonna be tempted by that…. Aw, who am I kidding? You got a deal, Gangreen! Save some for me, guys!” And Zoltan joined the huddled tomatoes that were munching on that addictive soil.
“It’s just as I predicted!” cackled Gangreen. “I’ve turned those turncoat tomatoes into soil junkies! Now they’ll have to do whatever I say if they if they want more of that precious soil. Isn’t that a beautiful sight, Igor. Igor?” asked Gangreen, looking around for his assistant. Gangreen looked over and saw Igor trying to squeeze himself through the huddling tomatoes. “Igor, what are you doing?” demanded Gangreen as he grabbed Igor by his spacesuit pants and pulled him out of the huddle.
“But your captain-ship”, said Igor with a dazed look. “You made me taste that addictive soil in the first place. Now I’ve become a junkie like them! I need more soil. MORE SOIL!” Gangreen just bopped Igor on the head.
“Igor, you meathead!” grumbled Gangreen. “That soil only affects the minds of plant life. Not the minds of humans, or in your case, a non-human who has no mind.”
“That’s a relief”, said Igor. “Otherwise, I’d probably have flowers growing in my stomach.”
“Just buckle up”, groaned Gangreen as he pushed Igor into his seat as Gangreen got into his seat and strapped himself in. “This is your captain speaking”, called out Gangreen as the tomatoes stopped tearing up the bag and looked over at him. “We’ll be blasting off in just one minute. Please take your seats, fasten safety belts, keep your seats in the upright position, no smoking, turn off all personal electrical appliances, and store all personal belongings underneath your seats.”
“But we’re not carrying any personal belongings”, said Fang.
“Speak for yourself”, said Ketchuck as he started drooling underneath his seat.
“Prepare for blast off”, said Gangreen as he took a chili pepper and threw it into a slot on the control deck. Just like how Xylena started her rocket. “Start the countdown, Igor”, said Gangreen.
“Uh, 10, 9, 17, 5, 3, 104, six million, five jillion, 2, 86”, said Igor for he didn’t know how to count. Gangreen and the Gang of 6 started to get impatient.
“My dear Igor”, sighed Gangreen. “What is it I’ve always said your I.Q. was?”
“Zero?” asked Igor.
“ZERO!” shouted Gangreen, “BLAST OFF!” Suddenly, the red cucumber started to explode from the bottom and blasted off. The red rocket cucumber was seen blasting off into the night sky until it suddenly ended up stopping in its place. “Wait a minute!” grumbled Gangreen, pushing his foot on the gas. “Why aren’t we moving?”
“I think you forgot to do some pruning, your forgetfulship”, said Igor pointing out a nearby porthole. Gangreen peeked out the porthole and became angry at what he saw. The bottom of the rocket had a long huge vine sticking from its side and the other end was still rooted into the giant pot on the ground.
“Oh, just great!” grumbled Gangreen as the huge vine suddenly shot back down like a rubber band taking the rocket with it. The rocket ended up landing nose first in the flower pot.
“Have we arrived?” asked Ketchuck who was sitting upside down in his chair, spewing out extra drool from that surprise landing.
“Igor, go and fetch me my pruning sheers”, moaned Gangreen.
* * * * * *
Back in outer space, we see the crew of the Q-51 rocket still looking amazed at the wonders of space through the front window, except for Wilbur who seemed to be asleep in his chair.
“It looks like your uncle is very tired”, said Xylena.
“I guess it must be bedtime back on Earth”, said Chad. “YAWN, I’m kind of feeling sleepy myself.”
“Me too”, said Tara, yawning while F.T. made a cute yawn too.
“I suppose I should show you all to the sleep chamber”, said Xylena still facing the control deck. “Let me switch Q-51 to auto pilot and I’ll take you there.”
“Well, this reporter’s wide eyed and awake”, said Whitley, still munching on the giant onion ring they got from Saturn. “I always like a snack before bedtime. But you know, this onion ring could use a little salt.”
“SALT?!” asked Tara nervously, for she was allergic to salt.
“Luckily, I always keep a few salt packets with me”, said Whitley as he reached into his coat and pulled out a tiny salt packet. He ripped it open and it caused a salt explosion to cover the cockpit.
“OH NO!” cried Tara as she found herself covered with salt which caused her to transform into a small tomato.
“TARA!” gasped Chad as he tried to search his pockets for some pepper.
“Okay, we’re on auto pilot now”, said Xylena. “Now I can show you to…” but she became silent when she saw the small tomato sitting on the floor. “AAAAH, AN OTAMOT!” cried Xylena in a panic.
“An Otamot inside me?!” cried Q-51. “Get it out of me, QUICK!”
“Wait, Xylena!” called out Chad. “That’s…..”
“Guards, apprehend that Otamot!” cried Xylena. Suddenly, a horde of flytraps slithered into the cockpit.
“I’m not gonna be a man-eating plant’s chew toy again!” cried Whitley as he tried to seal up his pea pod seat to protect himself.
The Tara Tomato saw the snapping flytraps and tried to hop away as the hungry plants slithered after her. One flytrap was about to snap her, until F.T. jumped on its snappers and sealed it shut with his vines. The Tara Tomato started to climb up the sleeping Wilbur for protection. Wilbur suddenly woke up and saw a tomato sitting on his face. “A TOMATO!” he shouted as he swatted Tara off his face and drew out his sword, just as a smaller flytrap ended up covering Wilbur’s head. A confused Wilbur started running around in circles as the flytrap still held onto his head.
“Tara, over here!” called out Chad as the Tara Tomato quickly jumped into Chad’s hands.
“Why are you defending that monster?” demanded Xylena. “Don’t you know you’re holding a deadly Otamot sprout in your hands?”
“First of all, she’s not an Otamot”, said Chad, calmly. “She’s a tomato.”
“But aren’t tomatoes just as bad on your planet?” demanded Xylena. “And where’s Tara? Don’t tell me that red beast ate poor Tara?”
“Actually, this is Tara”, said Chad, placing the tomato on the floor and taking out a small pepper shaker. “Just watch.” Chad sprinkled some pepper over the tomato causing it to cry, “Ah, ah, ah, CHHOOOO!” And in a flash, the tomato turned back into Tara the girl.
“Thanks, Chad”, said Tara as Chad handed her a tissue.
“What the…?!” gasped Xylena in shock. “You mean you’re actually a killer tomato in disguise?”
“Yes”, said Tara, sadly. “I am a tomato. But I’m definitely no killer.”
“Tara’s right”, said Chad. “She’s one of the nicest tomatoes I know.” F.T. made a left out squeak. “Oh yes, and so is F.T”, said Chad.
“I can’t believe it?!” gasped Xylena, hiding behind her flytrap guards. “How can I be sure you two aren’t tomato spies working for the enemy?”
“Don’t you say that about my friends!” protested Chad. “Tara and F.T. ran away from their evil tomato family a long time ago. You have my word that they’re good tomatoes and want to help the Earth, not destroy it.”
“I don’t know..”, said Xylena, rubbing her green chin.
“Have you forgotten how Tara used her powers to save you from that fat drooling tomato back in chapter one?” Chad reminded her. Xylena suddenly became silent.
“Please, Xylena”, said Tara. “Give me and F.T. a chance. We promise we won’t cause you any harm. Right, F.T?” The Fuzzy Tomato made an agreeable squeak.
“Well”, said Xylena. “Okay, since you did save me and you’re just a tomato and not a horrible Otamaot. I’ll try to give you two Earth tomatoes a chance. Guards, return to your posts please.” The flytraps responded and slithered out of sight, even the one that was clinging onto Wilbur’s head.
“What just happened?” asked Wilbur all confused and covered with green saliva. “I had a dream that I was face to face with a small killer tomato and then someone covered my face with an unusual green sack. Just like that time I was thrown into a killer tomato P.O.W. camp.”
“Uncle Wilbur”, said Chad. “I think you really just need some sleep right now.”
“That’s right”, said Xylena. “Come on everyone, I’ll show you to the sleep chamber.” Everyone followed Xylena out of the cockpit.
“Is it safe to come out?” called out Whitley, opening up his pea pod chair. Suddenly, a small flytrap slithered back into the cockpit, smiled at Whitley, and made a cute BOO! Whitley panicked and sped out of the cockpit trying to catch up with the others.
“I love hazing new crew members”, smiled the small flytrap.
* * * * * *
Xylena had led our heroes into a room that consisted of 4 beds. “I hope these sleep devices will help you slumber”, said Xylena. “Rob and Elisa informed me what beds were like on Earth.”
“These mattresses are made of cotton plants”, said Chad, amazed. “And the pillows are huge cauliflowers and the blankets, huge lettuce leaves!”
“Lettuce blankets?” gasped Wilbur. “It’ll feel like I’m sleeping in the middle of a sandwich.”
“And I could get a bad case of cauliflower ear if I rest my head on that”, said Whitley.
“This feels pretty comfortable to me”, smiled Tara as she lay down on the bed and snuggled her head on the cauliflower pillow. “It’s like I’m having a sleepover with vegetable friends.” F.T. made an agreeable squeak as he jumped onto the same bed Tara was on like a loving dog.
“Where’s your bed, Xylena?” asked Chad.
“We Saladovians have a different way of sleeping”, said Xylena as she pushed a button on a nearby wall and out slid a big flower pot filled with soil. Then Xylena took off her boots showing that her feet were small brown roots. She stuck her roots into the soil of the pot and stood there in a relaxed pose. “Ah, that feels so good”, smiled Xylena, stretching her arms out like a couple of branches, “I’m going to sleep like a sapling tonight.”
F.T. started to sniff the soil and made a happy squeak.
“I agree, F.T.” said Tara, also smelling the soil. “Xylena, may we have some of that soil, please?”
“NO, NO, NO!” gasped Xylena, bending down and covering the flower pot with her body. “I’m sorry, but you cannot taste or even touch Saladovian soil!”
“But why not?” asked Tara. “It smells so luscious. Why don’t you want to share?”
“Because only Saladovians like me can set their roots into this soil”, said Xylena. “You see, Saladovia is famous for its finest, purest, fertile soil in the entire universe. If any non-Saladovian plant life gets a taste of our soil, they’ll become addicted to it and want it forever.”
“It must really be that luscious”, said Tara.
“We had to learn that the hard way when we first offered our soil to the Otamots”, said Xylena. “Our king wanted to make friends with our neighboring planet of Otamot 13 by offering them some of our soil as a gift. The results were the Otamots got addicted to it, especially their evil emperor. He sent his army to invade and conquer all of Saladovia, taking most of our soil for themselves. Even though we managed to drive them off our planet, thanks to the brave heroics of Chad’s parents, we still fear that the Otamots will once again try to invade our beloved Saladovia and take our soil once again, or any other evil creature who likes delicious soil. I don’t even want to picture that right now!”
* * * * * *
Somewhere in space, we see the red rocket cucumber known as the Galactic Gangreen Express traveling through space with the evil Dr. Gangreen piloting and Igor co-piloting. And behind them, were six hunger filled killer tomatoes repeating, “SOIL, SOIL, SOIL, SOIL!”
“Patience my tempted tomatoes”, whispered Gangreen. “Soon all my, I mean, our dreams will come true. HA HA HA HA!”
* * * * * *
Back on Q-51, everyone was asleep in their cotton plant beds while Xylena was asleep standing in her flower pot. Everyone was asleep but Whitley, who was sitting up while holding his microphone with Sunny the sunflower camera standing over him. “Right now, it’s time for this Earth reporter to sign off for the night”, reported Whitley. “But I’ll be bringing you more footage of possible new alien life forms in my next broadcast. This is Whitley White saying, GOODDAY, no, I mean, GOODNIGHT!” and he put an American flag in front of the screen while humming the United States national anthem meaning it was time to sign off for the night. Then he put a picture of a badly drawn TV test pattern in front of the screen and started making annoying BEEEEEEEP sounds.
TO BE CONTINUED
Last edited by Cullen; 07-14-2007 at 02:59 PM.
Planet of the Tomatoes
By Cullen Pittman
A Restless Rest Stop
We see Chad running through a field of cotton plants, seeing his long lost parents in the distance. He smiled and was about to run up to them to give them a welcome back hug. But just then, his parents suddenly pulled off their heads revealing vicious tomato heads each with 3 eyes and 2 mouths with sharp fangs. Then their hands turned into long green vines and seized Chad like they were tentacles. “Come our son”, said the couple in monstrous voices. “You belong with us! Our little tomato sprout!” The mother took out a mirror and Chad became horrified as he saw his head had turned into a tomato as well. “NOOOO!” he cried.
Suddenly, Chad had awoken from his nightmare and found himself in his cotton plant bed onboard the Q-51 rocket. “Wow, that was freaky!” said Chad as he rubbed his head and looked at the others asleep in their cotton beds as well. Then he turned over to the plant girl, Xylena, still standing in her sleep in her flower pot like a small tree. “She looks so peaceful like a potted plant”, said Chad.
Suddenly, something above him started to ring. It was a grapefruit with alarm clock features sitting on a high shelf. It started shouting, “Wake up, rise and shine, here’s your morning juice!” and he started squirting tiny bits of juice in the faces of Chad and our sleeping heroes.
“What’s happening?” yawned Tara as she suddenly got up and rubbed her face. F.T. made a confused squeak as he woke up too and shook the juice off his furry body like a wet dog.
“This is Whitley White, who just received a damp wake up call”, grumbled Whitley.
“Are we under a tomato attack?!” shouted Wilbur as he leapt out of bed and drew his sword. “I felt tomato juice on me!”
“Relax, Uncle Wilbur”, said Chad, rubbing his eye. “It’s not tomato juice. It’s grapefruit juice.” And he pointed to the smiling grapefruit alarm clock above.
“Good morning, Squirty”, called out Xylena as she suddenly woke up and wiped her face dry. “As always, thank you for your always prompt wake up squirts.”
“My pleasure, Xylena”, smiled the grapefruit clock as he yawned and suddenly went to sleep.
“Good morning, my friends”, smiled Xylena as she stepped out of her flower pot revealing her roots for feet and slipping them back into her space boots. “I hope you all slept well.”
“Yes, I did”, said Chad, “Sort of”, for he still had that nightmare about his parents on his mind.
“F.T. and I were very comfortable”, said Tara. “I never knew my fellow plants would make excellent sleeping items.” She got out of bed and straightened out the lettuce blanket and fluffed her cauliflower pillow.
“I just realized”, said Wilbur. “I haven’t used the bathroom since we left Earth. Xylena, which way to your restroom?”
“Right through that door”, said Xylena pointing to a door across from the hallway.
“Thanks”, said Wilbur, heading that way.
“I wonder what Saladovians use for toilets?” wondered Chad, fearing it might be alive like all the other plant appliances he witnessed onboard the rocket.
When Wilbur entered the bathroom, he saw a sink that was a huge melon rind and faucets shaped like dripping water lilies. And the shower also had a huge water lily dripping on top. “Now where’s that commode?” asked Wilbur. But when he turned around, he found in place of a toilet was a small bush. “And I thought the latrines at the Killer Tomato Task Force Base were hard to figure out”, gasped Wilbur.
“Good morning, pal”, said the bush. “Answering the call to nature, eh? Before you go, you might want to tell Xylena that we’re low on paper.” Wilbur looked at the paper roll on the wall and discovered that Saladovian toilet paper was rolled up banana leaves.
“Now this is awkward”, sighed Wilbur.
* * * * * *
Meanwhile, we look into the red rocket cucumber known as the Galactic Gangreen Express. Dr. Gangreen was still piloting the rocket with Igor co-piloting. “Pretty soon, Igor”, said Gangreen with an evil smile. “We’ll be reaching this new planet with the mysterious addictive soil that puts plant-life under my control. And once we gather enough of it, we’ll feed it to every killer tomato on Earth and soon they’ll be under my control once again and I shall be the ruler of Earth. HA HA HA!”
“Whoa, I don’t think my hands are big enough to carry that much dirt”, said Igor. “Maybe my fingernails could carry most of it.”
“We’ll just make several trips back and forth from Earth to that soil planet”, said Gangreen, “Until we get enough soil for every tomato on Earth.”
“SOIL, SOIL, SOIL, SOIL!” cried monstrous voices in the back. Igor turned around and found the Gang of 6 in their seats with hypnotized eyes and hungry mouths.
“Whoa, it’s kind of creeping me out the way those tomato dudes keep repeating that one word”, said Igor.
“Yes”, said Gangreen. “If we don’t get them some more soil soon, who knows what havoc they might cause? Igor, I need you to keep them occupied.”
“How, your not-enough-information-ness?” asked Igor.
“I don’t know”, grumbled Gangreen, “Tell them a story or do some shadow puppets, anything to calm them down!”
Igor slowly approached the Gang of 6. “Hi there, tomato dudes”, said Igor. “Enjoying your flight so far?”
“We would if you’d transform into that mouth watering soil so we can eat you!” grumbled Zoltan.
“How about some shadow puppets to pass the time?” asked Igor as he clicked on a flashlight and started wiggling his hands and started making shadow puppets of stuff like a dog and a butterfly.
“This does seem kind of amusing”, said Tomacho.
“I feel calmer already”, said Mumato.
“And here’s my most favorite of all shadow puppets”, smiled Igor as he started wiggling his fingers around. “Tomato Worms!”
The Gang of 6 looked in fear as they saw what looked like shadows of ten hungry worms. “TOMATO WORMS!” they all cried as they jumped out of their seats and started bouncing all over the place like racquetballs causing the rocket to twist and turn.
“Igor, you banana brain!” shouted Gangreen, trying to straighten out the rocket. “What did you just do?”
“Will you let me keep my fingers if I tell you the truth?” asked Igor who had a nervous Ketchuck sitting on top of him and drooling on him.
* * * * * *
Back on Q-51, we see our heroes gathered around a table in the galley. “I could use some breakfast right now”, said Wilbur.
“It would be nice if we could have that soil Xylena had her roots in all night”, Tara said to F.T. “But she says we can’t.” F.T. made an agreeable squeak.
“Yes, like I said last night”, said Xylena. “If you Earth plants try our soil, you’ll become dangerously addicted to it. But fear not, I’ve heard that most of you Earthlings like meat. I happen to be a carnivorous plant myself. So I’ve prepared for you all a meat breakfast.”
“You mean like bacon and sausage?” asked Chad.
“Actually, I mean a breakfast of bugs”, smiled Xylena as she placed a huge glass container on the table. Inside it was a bunch of small alien looking bugs buzzing around. Our heroes became grossed out as they watched Xylena stick her hand into the container and pulled out a green two headed fly, threw it in her mouth, and chomped it. “That sure hits the spot”, smiled Xylena. “Go on my friends, stick your hands in there one at a time and fill your plates.”
“Eyeeew!” whispered Tara. F.T. made same squeaky, “Eyeeew!”
“This just in”, said Whitley, “Earth reporter about to be totally grossed out!”
“You do not like bugs?” asked Xylena.
“No offense, Xylena”, said Chad. “But we Earth humans don’t really like to eat bugs.”
“Oh, what you’re saying is that you Earth humans don’t like to kill bugs”, said Xylena, “You treat bugs as your equals and you let them crawl and fly around free in your homes and multiply.”
“Not exactly”, said Chad.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t know anything else I can feed my passengers”, said Xylena.
“Luckily, I always come prepared”, smiled Wilbur as he placed his backpack on the table and pulled out some cans and bags of food. “I’ll make you all one of my specialty breakfast treats, a fried egg and hominy grits pizza.”
“Maybe I could try the bugs instead”, groaned Whitley.
“You wouldn’t happen to have an oven onboard, would you?” Wilbur asked Xylena.
“Of course I do”, said Xylena, “Oh, Roasty!” Suddenly, a huge red pepper about the size of an oven hopped into the galley. “Roasty”, said Xylena, “this Earth man wants to cook something inside you called a pizza. Are you up to this new challenge?”
“Sure I am”, said Roasty the Red Pepper in a deep voice. “I’m game for new cuisine.” Then Roasty ended up opening his huge mouth releasing a loud BURP belching some fire on Wilbur charring him black. “Sorry about that”, said Roasty, “Is my face red!”
“Mine is probably too”, said Wilbur, dusting himself off, “From a first degree burn.”
* * * * * *
Soon, Wilbur had put together his pizza and carefully slid it in Roasty’s big mouth. “This is certainly going to leave an interesting taste in my mouth”, muttered Roasty.
“Please don’t talk with your mouth full”, said Xylena. “It always makes the food taste funny. Remember that time you ended up saying those curse words while cooking? The food came out all dirty.”
“My old pizza oven back home never curses”, said Wilbur. “It just usually shoots its mouth off every time it explodes.”
“Rob and Elisa have told us what this pizza is like”, said Xylena. “I hope I will enjoy it.”
“You don’t have pizza on your planet?” asked Tara.
“No”, said Xylena, “The basic food groups on Saladovia are soil, water, sunlight, and bugs.”
“Sounds like my kind of place”, smiled Tara. “Minus the bugs, that is.”
“Xylena”, said Chad. “I’ve been wondering about something.”
“About what?” asked Xylena.
“If the only foods on Saladovia are soil, water, sunlight, and bugs, what have my parents been surviving on these past years?” asked Chad.
“Well”, said Xylena, “You see….”
“Danger, danger, danger to the extreme!” called out Q-51 in a panicky voice.
“What is it, Q-51?” asked Xylena.
“Come to the cockpit and I’ll show you!” cried Q-51. Our heroes rushed out of the galley and entered the cockpit. They all looked out the main window and saw two green fuzzy creatures floating in space.
“Oh no!” gasped Xylena.
“They look like little green rabbits”, said Chad. Sure enough, the two floating figures were cute little bunny rabbits. Only they were green and had little antennas on their ears.
“Vegetable hungry bunnies make tomatoes like me and F.T. nervous”, trembled Tara while F.T. trembled as well.
“Those cute little bunnies?” asked Wilbur.
“Those aren’t cute little bunnies!” cried Xylena. “Those are SPACE BUNNIES! A Saladovian’s natural predator!”
“They’re going to feast on my beautiful body until I’m nothing left!” cried Q-51.
“And then they’ll come after me and my vegetable crew!” cried Xylena.
“What about humans?” asked Whitley. “Do they eat humans like me?”
“No, Space Bunnies only eat plants”, said Xylena in a panic.
“That’s a relief”, said Whitley.
“But if those bunnies eat our ship”, cried Tara. “We’ll all end up in lifeless space.”
“I guess that’s not a relief”, said Whitley.
“But there’s only two of them”, said Chad. “And they look pretty small. Can they really eat that much?”
“There won’t be two of them for long”, gasped Xylena. Suddenly, the two bunnies’ bodies started to split in half and transformed into 4 bunnies. Then split into 8 bunnies, then 16, and continued to split into more bunnies.
“Look!” said Chad. “They’re reproducing like amoebas!”
“When I heard that rabbits can multiply, I always thought they just owned calculators”, said Tara.
And in just an instant, Q-51 found himself surrounded by 1000 hungry space bunnies. They all jumped onboard the helpless rocket and started chomping. “OUCH, OW, OH, OOOOH!” cried Q-51 causing the cockpit to shake like crazy.
“Is it that bad?” asked Tara.
“That bad?!” cried Q-51, “It’s like having a bunch of fleas on you and you don’t have hands to scratch them!”
Suddenly, a huge pair of buck teeth punctured itself through a wall causing F.T. to leap out of the way and jump into Tara’s arms.
“Oh no!” cried Tara as she saw more buck teeth poking through the wall and started gnawing. “They’re making holes in Q-51!”
“I’ll stop these mad march hares!” shouted Wilbur as he took his sword and started stabbing at the teeth, but also ended up stabbing the wall also.
“Stop that, Uncle Wilbur!” shouted Chad. “You’re just making more holes!”
“This is just great!” groaned Q-51. “There are gluttonous space bunnies killing me outside and a sword welding psycho killing me inside! Why won’t death come for me now?”
“Wait”, said Xylena checking the front window. “We’re saved. We’re approaching a black hole!”
“What’s a black hole?” asked Tara.
“A black hole’s a powerful vacuum in space”, said Chad nervously. “Nothing escapes from it. Not even light!”
“And there it is!” said Xylena, pointing to the front window where a huge black hole was sucking every star and asteroid into it. The 1000 bunnies stopped their nibbling and looked awestruck at the huge hole. They all hopped off Q-51 and started to jump into the hole. “Space Bunnies can never resist jumping into black holes for some reason”, smiled Xylena.
“That’s a relief”, sighed Q-51. “I feel the nibbling pain gone.”
“But won’t we get sucked into that hole too?” cried Chad.
“Not really”, said Xylena. “Look!” It turned out the hole was suddenly clogged up by a clump of green bunny bottoms. “That is what as known as a hare clog”, said Xylena proudly.
“This just in”, said Whitley. “It turns out the far reaches of space has its share of bad puns!”
“Are you okay, Q-51?” asked Xylena, studying the holes made by the bunny nibbles.
“I think so”, groaned Q-51. “But I think I need some air for some reason.”
“I’ll say!” cried Chad. “All the air is getting sucked out through those huge holes!” Sure enough, all the air was getting pulled out of the cockpit. Xylena quickly went to the control deck and picked up a daffodil that looked like a speaker. “Attention, coconut crew!” said Xylena. “We have a code 22! Report to duty at once!” Suddenly, a whole bunch of coconuts started to roll into the cockpit.
“Somebody’s got a lovely bunch of coconuts”, said Whitley. But then he shouted, “OW!” when a coconut jumped up and conked him on the head.
“Forgive him”, said Xylena. “They’re just totally sick of everyone always saying that line to them.”
The coconuts jumped up and plugged themselves into all the holes stopping the air from leaking.
“That’s really neat!” said Chad.
“It’s like that classic island show where that professor turns coconuts into technology”, said Tara.
“I think we need one more coconut over here”, said Wilbur, pointing to one last hole. Then the hole sucked up the back of Wilbur’s helmeted head sealing it up. “I didn’t mean my coconut!” cried Wilbur.
“Thanks, coconut buddies”, said Q-51. “I can always count on you guys in case I ever go nuts.”
“Don’t worry”, said Xylena. “We’ll soon be approaching a floating space station. We’ll be able to get you repaired there.”
Soon, another thing appeared on the big window. It looked like a huge space station with different kinds of rocket ships and flying saucers flying in and out.
“Just like in those sci-fi shows and movies”, said Chad.
Q-51 flew into the station’s docking unit and came in for a landing. Then a door opened and the celery stairs ejected. Xylena and the Earthlings stepped out of the rocket, along with Sunny the Sunflower camera following and filming Whitley White around.
“So this is the inside of an actual space station”, said Chad amazed.
“Yes, this here is Space Station Alpha-Beta-Calculata”, said Xylena. “Space travelers come here regularly for pit stops, spaceship repairs, and to shop for supplies or just hang out.”
“I wonder if we’ll see any actual alien life forms”, said Tara. Just then, she screamed as she saw some kind of strange creature approach them. It was a big blue blob with 5 eyes, 10 spikes on its head, and a huge mouth with fangs. And it had 6 long waving tentacles and was oozing puss on the floor.
“Step back, everyone!” said Wilbur, taking out his sword. “I’ll slay this monster!”
“Wait, Mr. Finletter”, said Xylena, getting in front of Wilbur and the alien creature.
“What, there’s a monster here?” asked the alien looking around and hiding behind Xylena. “Save me, Xylena!”
“Aw, cut it out, Blorch”, laughed Xylena. “You’re not fooling anyone with that timid act.”
“You could always see through me, Xy”, laughed Blorch as he started spouting ooze from his huge mouth.
“You two know each other?” asked Chad.
“Of course”, smiled Xylena. “I’d like you all to meet Blorch, the finest rocket repairman in this part of the galaxy.”
“Hey, you guys are Earthlings, aren’t you?” said Blorch. “Wow, we’ve never had actual Earthlings visit our space station before. This is really a treat!” He quickly slithered over and wrapped his tentacles around Chad, Tara, Wilbur, and Whitley and very tight too. “Hey, Xy”, said Blorch. “How about taking a picture of me with the Earthlings? My kids will love it!”
“Can we do that later, please?” asked Xylena. “Right now, Q-51 needs your assistance.”
“Oh, all right”, sighed Blorch as he released the Earthlings who had fallen on the floor and gasping for air. “Hey there, Q-five-one!” said Blorch, studying the rocket cucumber with coconuts sticking on different parts of his body. “Let me guess, had another cute little Space Bunny attack, didn’t you?”
“Does it show?” asked Q-51, sarcastically.
“Aw, cheer up pal”, said Blorch, reaching into his mouth and pulling out a slimey blue toolbox. “Old Blorch will fix you up like new again. Besides, you were about due for a rear end exam anyway.” And he took out some weird looking tools that looked really sharp and painful.
“And I thought doctor’s needles were scary”, said Chad.
“Don’t look at me when he’s looking at my rear end!” bellowed Q-51.
“We’d all better leave Blorch to his work”, said Xylena. “In the meantime, let me show you around the station. This will be a good chance for us to stock up on supplies.”
* * * * * *
Our heroes followed Xylena through a tunnel and they suddenly came across what looked like the inside of a huge mall. Only the stores had funny alien writings and the people walking around and minding the stores were all aliens, different kinds of aliens. Some with scales, some with feathers, some with fur, some had three eyes or four eyes or one single eye, some had funny snouts or beaks, and some had more than two arms and legs and some had even no arms or legs.
“For centuries, people back on Earth have always wondered if there was other life in this universe”, said Chad, amazed.
“This is just like the time they had that sci-fi convention at the San Zucchini mall”, said Tara. “All those people dressed up in those strange alien costumes. I wonder what these real aliens sell in those stores.”
“I can’t even read those signs above”, said Wilbur trying to make out the strange alien letters printed on the stores above.
“I know what will help”, said Xylena as she approached some kind of strange vending machine, placed a card through the scanner, and some strange pink visors dropped down into the slot below. Xylena took the visors and approached our heroes. “Put these on”, said Xylena, handing a visor to everyone. “These special visors will scan your brains and decipher the words you’re looking at into your words.”
“Sounds neat”, said Chad as he put the visor on like a pair of glasses. Suddenly, the alien words over the stores started to turn into English. He saw that the stores were places like a food court, a pharmacy, a jewelry store, and an army surplus store. “Outer space technology really is advanced”, said Chad. “I’d like to check out that pharmacy. I just remembered. I didn’t pack a toothbrush or toothpaste when we started on this trip.”
“And I’d like to check out that jewelry store”, said Tara.
“And I want to buy some stuff from that surplus store”, said Wilbur. “After that Space Bunny attack, I have a feeling I’m gonna need more artillery for this crazy space trip.”
“Very well”, said Xylena as she reached into her spacesuit and pulled out some cards. “But first, you’ll need these.” She handed the cards to each of our heroes. Chad looked at his card which had a picture of a fiery meteor and the words, Meteor Card, below.
“What is a Meteor Card?” asked Chad. “Is it like a credit card?”
“Exactly”, said Xylena. “Meteor Card is one of the most popular credit cards in the universe. Just present this card to the store clerks and you can purchase anything you want. It is very important you have these cards when shopping around this space station. The alien species here use different things for currency. Things you may not have or even things that could be valuable to your life.”
“Just like signing your soul to the devil?” asked Whitley.
“Then I suggest you avoid that store over there”, said Xylena, pointing to a store that said, Your Greatest Fantasies Can Come True. The store was run by an alien that looked like a red devil with horns holding a contract written in flames.
* * * * * *
Last edited by Cullen; 04-24-2008 at 10:16 PM.
(Continued from page above.)
Chad and Xylena were looking around the pharmacy, trying to find what looks like a toothbrush and toothpaste. “Will you look at this weird stuff”, said Chad, picking up a small device that looked like a fuzzy Q-tip. “I wonder if this is for your ear.”
“No, Chad”, said Xylena, taking the cotton stick away from him. “It’s for melting off unsightly scabs.” She plucked a leaf from her leaf hair and applied it to the Q-tip. The leaf quickly caught on fire and disappeared.
“I’m glad I didn’t apply that to my eardrum”, said Chad, nervously. “Say, is this stuff dental floss?” he asked as he picked up a small box that had some string sticking out.
“No”, said Xylena. “This is cutting string used for cutting off unwanted appendages.” She turned the box around and it showed a small film of a green alien boy with 3 arms using the floss to cut off his third arm like it was a blade.
“When Uncle Wilbur told me never to shop for pharmacy products alone, he wasn’t kidding”, gasped Chad.
“May I help you?” asked an alien sounding voice. Chad and Xylena turned around and they saw a round orange alien with a really huge sharp toothy smile.
“Yes”, said Chad. “I’d like to buy a toothbrush and some toothpaste.”
“Um, I’m not familiar with either of those two things”, said the toothy alien.
“He means do you have anything that can fix unclean teeth?” said Xylena.
“Why sure”, smiled the alien with an even bigger toothy smile. “What kind of pharmacy would this be if there weren’t any tooth fixer-uppers? Here’s something that four out of five grvniks recommend.” The alien handed Chad something that looked like the size of a toothbrush.
“This looks like a small jackhammer”, said Chad, puzzled.
“Correction, it’s a plaquehammer”, said the alien.
“How will this clean my teeth?” wondered Chad.
“Lucky for you, I just ate and my teeth are filthy”, smiled the alien taking the plaquehammer from Chad. “Just watch.” The alien turned on a switch on the plaquehammer and it started to chip away at the alien’s teeth causing them all to crumble onto the floor. “See”, said the alien, whose huge mouth was empty of teeth. “No more dirty teeth!”
Chad looked at the now toothless alien in shock. “But now you have no teeth period! How will you ever chew stuff again?”
“Relax”, said the alien. “Teeth like mine always grow back in a few days. I’ll just stick to soft food until then. Now, let me get you a clean plaquehammer. Using a plaquehammer somebody else used is unsanitary.”
“Maybe I’d better wait to brush my teeth until I get back to Earth”, said Chad. “I just hope Mom and Dad will forgive my morning breath when I finally see them.”
“Are these what you’re talking about?” asked Xylena, pointing to a cup of toothbrushes and toothpaste sitting on a bottom shelf.
“Yes they are”, smiled Chad, studying the dental equipment. “And this is the same brand of toothpaste I use on Earth.”
“Oh, those?” said the toothless alien. “They’re just some Earth things some guy sold to me. I try to keep them out of sight. Who knows what kind of damage they could do?”
“Actually this stuff can protect me from damage”, smiled Chad. “Protect my teeth that is, I’ll take one and a few more for my group as well”, and he showed his Meteor Card to the alien.
“I can’t argue with the card”, said the alien as he took a strange scanning device and scanned the card. Chad and Xylena thanked the alien and both left the pharmacy. Then the alien looked down at his destroyed teeth lying on the floor. “Clean up on aisle vlink!” he shouted.
* * * * * *
Wilbur was busy looking around the army surplus store studying some kind of walky-talky. “This must be some kind of communicator”, said Wilbur. “Maybe I can use it to contact the Tomato Task Force back on Earth.” He pushed the button and a laser beam suddenly shot out from the antenna, leaving a hole in the ceiling.
“Hello soldier”, said a drill sergeant sounding voice. Wilbur turned around and found a huge brown warty alien that had four muscular arms and was wearing an army helmet. “I see you’re interested in that hand held weapon of mass destruction.”
“This is a weapon?!” gasped Wilbur. “I thought it was a communication device!”
“HAW HAW HAW!” laughed the alien as he took the device from Wilbur. “Every good soldier knows that this is one of the most powerful war weapons in the universe. Hmmm, you wouldn’t happen to be an old draft dodger, would you?”
“Wilbur Finletter, a draft dodger?!” gasped Wilbur with an angry look. “I’ll have you know I’m the leader of the Killer Tomato Task Force back on Earth!”
“You’re from Earth?” gasped the alien. “The most war obsessed planet in the universe?”
“What do you mean war obsessed?” asked Wilbur. “We aren’t that bad, are we?”
“See for yourself”, said the alien as a TV screen rose from the floor and he turned it on. It showed clips of every single Earth war in history and dictators like Alexander the Great, Attila the Hun, Napoleon, Hitler, and finally ending with Dr. Gangreen and his Killer Tomatoes.
“I guess I can’t argue with that”, said Wilbur with a grim look.
“Anyway, it’s great to meet a fellow soldier like me”, smiled the alien as he turned off the screen and patted Wilbur on the back causing him to get slammed to the ground. “And I’m giving you a discount on anything in my store.”
“Thanks”, said Wilbur getting back up and dusting himself off. He then noticed a bazooka on the shelf and picked it up. “This looks really powerful”, said Wilbur. “It could probably turn an enemy into chopped liver.” Suddenly, the bazooka went off and a clump of something gross and gooey hit the floor. “What or who did I just shoot?!” cried Wilbur as he studied the mess, sniffed it and tasted it. “This is chopped liver!” gasped Wilbur. “That’s totally nuts!” Then the bazooka went off again and Wilbur found a huge pile of peanuts, walnuts, and all kinds of nuts on the floor.
“Impressive, ain’t it?” said the alien. “What you’re holding in your hands is an actual grub generator used by army cooks. Just touch it and think of any food item and it’ll blast it out for you either piping hot or brain freezing cold.”
“An actual food processor that can make any type of food in the world?” said Wilbur amazed. “Think of what this could do for my pizza business!” And a huge pizza got blasted onto the floor. “It’s a butterscotch and kipper pizza!” said Wilbur, “Just what I was thinking about! I’ll take it!” and he showed his Meteor Card to the army alien.
* * * * * *
We see Whitley White and his sunflower camera standing in what looked like a food court. “This is Whitley White, reporting live from the food court of an actual alien space station. You heard right, this is not a sci-fi convention where people with no lives are in disguise. These are actual alien life forms. And I’ll prove it!” Whitley approached a purple slug-like alien with arms eating some kind of strange meal at a table. Then Whitley started tugging on the alien’s antenna-like eyes. “You see”, said Whitley as he continued tugging. “It won’t come off which proves this is not a costume, but an actual alien life form! What do you think of that, Geraldo?”
Whitley realized he just pulled the slug’s head off its body. “Oh my gosh, what have I done!” gasped Whitley. Then he became even more disgusted as he saw a bunch of little slugs crawling out of the bottom half of the big slug’s body and then slithering out of the food court. The arms of the bottom half snatched the slug’s head from Whitley and placed it back on like it was never pulled off. “How dare you, you masher!” shouted the slug in a woman’s voice.
“You’re a lady?!” gasped Whitley.
“How double dare you!” shouted the slug. “You pulled my head off causing my babies to be born prematurely! Wait’ll my husband gets his slime on you! Oh, Manglex!”
“Who’s been messing with my beloved wife and my not ready kids?!” shouted a monstrous voice. Whitley became nervous as he found himself looking into the angry eye antennas of an even bigger alien slug. And the eye antennas started seizing him like tentacles.
“This is Whitley White saying I’ll get back to you once this alien finished seeing eye to eye with me!” gasped Whitley while the alien started squeezing him even harder.
* * * * * *
Tara and F.T. were looking around the jewelry shop. F.T. was looking at huge red ruby with a small green emerald on top. F.T. made amazed squeaks thinking it was the world’s prettiest tomato.
“Oh, F.T., you silly thing”, laughed Tara. “That is just a huge ruby. It’s a mineral, not a vegetable. Now these stones are very pretty.” Tara started gazing at a bunch of stones of many colors sitting on the front shelf.
“Interested in anything, dearie?” asked a woman’s voice. Tara looked up and was surprised to see a woman who was completely made of blue crystal with spiky hair made of white crystal shards.
“Hello”, said Tara. “I was just browsing through your store. You got so many beautiful stones.”
“Thank you”, said the crystal woman. “I have stones from every single planet in the universe.”
“This blue one looks very unique”, said Tara, picking up a small blue shard. “How much is it worth?”
“Nothing really”, said the woman taking the shard away from her. “I just broke a nail and a finger as well.” The woman showed Tara her hand showing that her ring finger was broken off.
Tara looked at the 9 fingered crystal woman funny and then saw another small stone on the counter. “This white one is very pretty”, said Tara, picking up the stone. “What planet did this come from?”
“Oh, a couple of space travelers sold it to me”, said the woman. “It comes from a far away planet called Earth.”
“Earth?” asked Tara. “That’s my home planet. I wonder if this is some kind of diamond.”
“The travelers said that rock is a substance called salt”, said the woman.
“SALT?!” cried Tara realizing that she was touching a salt rock with her bare fingers. “OH NO!” and Tara quickly transformed back into a tomato.
“Ma’am, where’d you go?” asked the woman looking around for the Earth girl. She leaned over the counter and found the salt rock next to some small red vegetation.
“AN OTAMOT!” cried the woman in fear as she pushed a button under her counter and a bunch of loud alarms went off. “Warning, Otamot alert! Warning, Otamot alert!” said a loud voice. The Tara Tomato, realizing she was in big trouble, started to hop out of the store. F.T. saw what happened and ran out with Tara.
* * * * * *
Chad and Xylena had left the pharmacy and noticed a bunch of tiny purple slugs hopping across the floor. “Some needs to call the exterminator”, said Chad.
“Come back my babies!” cried the mother space slug as she tried to gather up the wriggling baby slugs.
“Uh oh”, said Xylena. “It looks like someone had messed up a Sluguluff’s pregnancy.”
“And I have a pretty good guess who did”, said Chad, pointing to an even bigger space Sluguluff strangling Whitley White while Sunny the Sunflower continued to film them.
Just then, an alarm went off and an announcer started shouting, “Warning, Otamot alert!”
“OTAMOTS?!” cried the giant Sluguluff as he dropped Whitley on the floor. “Hurry, honey bunch!” shouted the Daddy Sluguluff, “Let’s grab our kids and get out of here before those Otamot creeps get them!” The two Sluguluffs managed to grab their babies and slither out of sight.
“Mr. White, are you all right?” asked Chad, rushing to Whitley’s aid.
“All right?” said Whitley. “I’m better than ever! I was the first Earth newsman to get into a fight with an actual space alien! I’m going to go down in TV history for this!”
“Warning, Otamot alert!” continued the announcer.
“An Otamot is here?” gasped Xylena, “Where?”
They suddenly saw all the aliens running around the place in panic as two small red figures started running and hopping towards our heroes. “It’s F.T.”, said Chad, “And Tara who somehow got turned into a tomato!” F.T. jumped into Xylena’s hands while Tara hopped into Chad’s hands.
“What’s going on here?” asked Wilbur who had arrived at the scene holding what looked like a bazooka.
“I think we’d all better head back to Q-51 immediately”, said Xylena as she pointed to what looked like a troop of robots heading their way. Our heroes tried to escape, but quickly found themselves surrounded by a squad of huge robots that looked a lot like mall security cops.
“You’re all under arrest for being accomplices to killer Otamots!” said the head robot holding up its gun shaped hand.
“And I thought the biggest threat I’ve ever seen were tomatoes”, said Wilbur. But then, Wilbur’s food processing bazooka went off again firing some tomatoes splattering all over the robots. The sauce caused the robots to short circuit and collapse into a pile of junk.
“Come on, let’s go!” shouted Xylena as they all started to race back to the docking area.
“I can’t believe it!” cried Wilbur. “I used tomatoes as a weapon! I hope the people back on Earth don’t hear about this!”
* * * * * *
Our heroes had arrived back on the docking bay where Blorch the mechanic had just finished repairing Q-51. “There we go”, said Blorch. “He’s as good as new.”
“It’s like I was plucked fresh from the vine”, said Q-51. And it was true. All the bunny nibbles were completely gone from Q-51’s skin.
“Thank you, Blorch”, said Xylena in a rushed voice. “Just put it all on my account. Sorry we can’t stay, but we have to leave now! Goodbye!” Our heroes quickly rushed back into the rocket and blasted off leaving the space station.
“But what about my picture with me and the Earthlings?!” cried Blorch as more security robots arrived at the scene and found the rocket cucumber blasting out of sight. “Can I get a picture with you guys?” Blorch asked the frustrated robots.
* * * * * *
Soon, Q-51 was far away from the space station and was continuing the flight. Our heroes were sitting in their pea pod chairs exhausted. Chad was still holding the Tara Tomato in his hands. “Oops, after all the excitement, I forgot you were still a tomato, Tara”, said Chad as he placed Tara on the floor and took out his pepper shaker. Chad tried to sprinkle some pepper on the tomato, but nothing came out.
“Oh drat!” cried Chad. “I’m all out of pepper!” F.T. made a concerned squeak.
“I’m sorry, Tara”, said Chad, picking the tomato back up. “Until we can find some more pepper, you’ll have to stay a tomato.”
“What’s that about pepper?” asked Wilbur who was too busy studying his food bazooka. Suddenly, a huge storm of pepper blasted from the bazooka covering the entire cockpit. Everyone started sneezing including the Tara tomato who suddenly turned back into a girl.
“What a relief”, said Tara, sniffling.
“Thanks Uncle Wilbur”, said Chad.
“No problem”, said Wilbur. “With my new grub generator, we won’t be starving to death on this space trip. I can make us pizzas galore!” Then the bazooka went off again blasting pizzas everywhere. Everyone ducked down as gooey circles of cheese and crust were stuck to the walls.
“Maybe I’d better put this thing down until mealtime”, said an embarrassed Wilbur as he set the bazooka down on the floor.
Whitley approached a splattered pizza on the wall, pinched off a piece of it and ate it. “Not bad”, said Whitley. “This is even better than that breakfast pizza we had this morning.”
“But we never had a chance to try that breakfast pizza, remember?” asked Chad.
“Oh yeah, that’s right”, said Wilbur. “The last thing I remember is putting it in the oven, I mean, red pepper.” Just then, some smoke started to enter the cockpit.
“Where’s that smoke coming from?” asked Chad.
“It looks like it’s coming from the direction of the galley”, said Tara.
“Oh no, ROASTY!” cried Xylena. They all rushed into the galley and found Roasty the Red Pepper Oven spewing smoke from his huge mouth.
“Somebody get it out of me, quick!” cried Roasty.
“Hold on”, said Wilbur as he took his pizza paddle and tried to scrape the burned pizza from Roasty’s mouth.
“Are you all right, Roasty?” asked Xylena.
“I’ll be fine”, said Roasty. “Even though I’m probably gonna be tasting burnt mozzarella for a week. I should’ve listened to my mom and become an Easy Bake Red Pepper. I work better with kids anyway.”
Wilbur put the charred pizza down on the table and studied it. He then took off his helmet and put it over his heart. “Let us have a moment of silence for a brave crew member we just lost.” He said sadly.
“What crew member?” whispered Xylena puzzled.
“He’s talking about the pizza”, whispered Chad who had his baseball cap over his heart. “Uncle Wilbur treats his pizza creations like they were his own kids.”
“Xylena”, said Wilbur. “Can you please have this poor pizza ejected from this rocket? I want to give it a proper burial in space.”
“Sure”, said a confused Xylena as she led Wilbur to a nearby ejection tube. The burned pizza was placed into the tube, then got sucked away and blasted into space.
“Farewell, young fried egg and hominy grits pizza”, said Wilbur, looking out the porthole. “It’s a shame you never got tasted during your short life.”
“No offense”, Xylena whispered to Chad. “But you Earthlings are the strangest creatures in the universe.”
“To tell you the truth, I think I agree”, said Chad as he watched his Uncle Wilbur pressing his sad face against the glass of the porthole.
* * * * * *
Back in Dr. Gangreen’s rocket, Gangreen noticed Igor talking on a cell-phone. “Hello, I’d like to order a pizza please”, said Igor.
“Igor, what are you doing?” demanded Gangreen.
“I was hungry and I wanted to order us some pizza”, said Igor. “But all I’m hearing is static.”
“We’re in the middle of outer space you dweeb!” grumbled Gangreen. “We’re many miles away from the pizza place! And how exactly is a pizza supposed to come our way out here?” Suddenly, something hit their windshield.
“It’s a pizza!” smiled Igor. “Whoa, those pizza dudes sure are making their deliveries quicker these days! I didn’t even tell them where we were too!” Igor put on a space helmet with a tube attached and stepped out the door. Gangreen watched puzzled as he saw his assistant pull the pizza off the outside of the window and then step back inside and closed the door. Then Igor removed his helmet and took at bite out of the charred pizza.
“Aw bummer, they burned it!” said Igor. He took out his cell phone and dialed a number. “Hello, Finletter’s Pizza. I appreciate the extra fast service, but I think you should really take your time with the cooking. You brought my pizza burned and it didn’t even come in a box.”
“Just end this chapter now!” grumbled Gangreen pulling out his hair.
TO BE CONTINUED
Last edited by Cullen; 04-24-2008 at 10:17 PM.
Nice chapter I EMJOYED IT
Thank you. I'll have another chapter out for you real quick.
Originally Posted by Tinytooncrazy
Planet of the Tomatoes
By Cullen Pittman
A Dark Seed
As we look in on the crew of the Q-51 rocket ship, we see Whitley White in the cockpit standing next to the jar with a floating seed in it which was Q-51’s brain. “This is Whitley White bringing you another update on our amazing space trip to the far off planet Saladovia”, he replied. “You may think this thing is some kind of poppy seed floating in a jar of pickle juice, but believe it or not, this is the actual brain of our living rocket ship known as Q-51.”
“Who are you calling a poppy seed?!” demanded Q-51. “I don’t have any kids to be a poppy seed. In order to do that, I’ll need a mommy seed, Heh heh heh!”
“And as you can see, there are still a lot more bad puns in outer space”, sighed Whitley. “But tell me, how did you get the name, Q-51?”
“I guess because I was the fifty first rocket cucumber ever grown and constructed”, said Q-51. “I once remember racing circles around a bigmouthed Q-23 a few years back. I sent him home crying to his mamacumber! HA HA HA!”
“Strong words from such a tiny seed inside a huge cucumber”, said Whitley as he twirled his finger next to his head while the seed inside the jar laughed and swam around like crazy.
* * * * * *
F.T. and Tara entered the galley and saw Wilbur working on something. “Hello, Mr. Finletter”, said Tara. “I was wondering if you have something for F.T. to eat.”
“You’re in luck”, smiled Wilbur. “I just had this new idea for a pizza recipe and F.T. can have the honor of being the first to try it!” And he showed them what looked like 6 tubes.
“You’re going to feed him toothpaste?” asked Tara.
“No, what you’re witnessing is Tomatoless Pizza in paste form”, smiled Wilbur. “The same type of paste food the astronauts use.”
“Pizza in tube form?” asked Tara. “What do you think, F.T?” F.T. made a nervous squeak.
“What’ll it be, boy?” smiled Wilbur. “I got 6 choices. Either pepperoni, sausage, extra cheese, anchovy, hamburger, or maybe you’d like to try my 3 flavored ice cream pizza paste?” F.T. tried to close his mouth, but Wilbur pried it open and squirted chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry paste into his mouth. Then F.T. started to shiver and turned into a tomato trapped in an ice block.
“F.T!” gasped Tara. “You’ve got a major ice cream headache. And you’re mostly all head too!”
“Maybe I should’ve tried cooking the ice cream pizza first”, said Wilbur studying the tube.
* * * * * *
Chad had entered the bathroom carrying his new toothbrush and toothpaste and was going to clean himself up. He looked over at the bush toilet sleeping away. “I’m glad he’s asleep”, said Chad. “I don’t think I want to discuss his toilet humor right now.” Chad went over to the melon rind sink and removed his cap and shirt. “I wonder how you turn these things on?” asked Chad as he looked at the water lily faucets. “And which one’s hot and which one’s cold?” Suddenly, the lilies started producing water like they knew what Chad had requested.
As Chad looked at himself in the mirror and started brushing his teeth, he noticed something stuck out from the shower curtain behind him. It looked like a green branch grabbing a nearby towel. “What was that?” gasped Chad as he ended up spitting the watery toothpaste at the mirror in shock. Chad slowly approached the shower curtain and listened. “Is someone in there?” he asked. But then realized he didn’t hear any water running. “Maybe it’s another one of those plant appliances”, said Chad as he slowly pushed back the curtain and found the lily above wasn’t sprouting water, but sunlight. And in the shower was Xylena. She had her back turned and was unclothed.
“Oh, hello, Chad”, said Xylena as she was about to turn around. Chad turned a beet red and sweat came down from his face. “AAAH! I’M SORRY!” he shouted as he closed his eyes, zipped out of the bathroom, and slammed the door.
“What, what just happened?” asked the bush as he suddenly woke up. “Are we out of toilet paper again?”
“I’m not sure, Bushy”, said Xylena, puzzled. “It’s like that Earth boy has never seen a Saladovian take a sun shower before.”
A nervous and shameful Chad was standing outside the bathroom leaning against the wall. And you can see his pounding heart trying to leave his bare chest. “What have I done?!” wailed Chad.
“Chad, what’s wrong?” asked Tara as she appeared. “You look like you somehow lost your innocence.”
* * * * * *
Meanwhile, we once again see the space station known as Alpha-Beta-Calculata. This time, the red rocket cucumber, known as the Galactic Gangreen Express, had arrived at the docking bay and Dr. Gangreen and Igor had stepped out of the rocket.
“Just look, Igor”, said Gangreen. “We’re actually inside of a real alien space station! Think of all the high advanced technology and hopefully advanced weapons of destruction we can obtain here!”
“Cool!” said Igor. “You mean like retro rubber bands that have double snapping power?” He took out some rubber bands and tried to fire them, only to get snapped onto the floor.
“Whatever makes your tiny mind happy”, sighed Gangreen. “Have you sustained that Gang of 6 before we left? Who knows what damage they might do if they ever leave this ship?”
“Don’t worry, your Captain-ship”, said Igor. “I used a highly advanced device to keep those tomato dudes from leaving and getting into trouble.”
Inside the ship, we see the Gang of 6 trapped in what looked like a giant pink playpen. They were still in a dazed state and repeating, “SOIL SOIL SOIL SOIL!”
“We gotta get out of here and find more soil!” grumbled Zoltan.
“But how do we get out of this humiliating prison?” demanded Fang.
“I saw a baby and his minions do this many times in a crudely drawn cartoon series”, said Beefsteak as he reached out his vine and grabbed a screwdriver and used it to pick the lock.
“All right, it’s soil searching time!” shouted Zoltan as he and his tomato comrades hopped out of the playpen and started to leave the ship.
* * * * * *
Gangreen and Igor were exploring the shopping area of the space station and looked at all the aliens. “Whoa, look at all these alien dudes”, said Igor. “I wonder if they know E.T, Vulcans, or even Will Robinson?”
“Just find us a food establishment before I send you into orbit”, grumbled Gangreen.
“Right, your cranky-when-hungryness”, said Igor as he ran off.
“What’s this?” asked Gangreen as he saw what looked like a wanted poster posted on a wall. On it were photos of Xylena, Wilbur, Whitley, Chad, F.T, and Tara as a tomato. “Those goody-goods are wanted criminals?”
“Yes, that’s right, citizen”, said a robot security guard next to the poster. “When those fugitives came here, they were seen causing a riot by holding deadly killer Otamots.”
“Otamots?” asked Gangreen. “What the heck is an Otamot?”
“You are looking at them”, said the robot as he pointed to the photos of F.T. and Tara Tomato. “We tried to apprehend them, but they ended up escaping and now they’re running loose in this universe. We’ve sent out a warrant for their arrests. Now if you’ll excuse me, I should get back to my rounds”, and the robot levitated off somewhere.
“This is wonderful”, said Gangreen happy. “The good guys are running scared like hunted criminals! Now maybe they won’t be foiling my plans to reach that soil planet! And I think I’ll take this wanted poster with me. It might come in handy”, Gangreen waited till the robot was out of sight and ripped the wanted poster off the wall and stuffed it in his lab coat.
“Over here your doctor-ship”, called out Igor who was standing near what looked like a food stand. “I found us some grub!” Gangreen approached the stand and found it was run by a skinny blue alien with a long head, six eyes, and an aardvark snout.
“What have you got good to dine on my good alien?” asked Gangreen.
“I have a special on a liver sandwich”, said the alien, “With a special sauce.”
“A special sauce, eh?”, said Gangreen. “We scientists do like taking risks. Okay, give me a liver sandwich with special sauce.”
“Coming right up”, said the alien as he ducked down, loud splattering and chopping were heard, and he came back up holding what looked like a hero sandwich.
Gangreen took the sandwich and took a bite of it. “Not bad”, said Gangreen as he finished his sandwich. “You know, Igor, I almost expected the alien food here to be gross and maybe even living.”
“I’m glad you liked my liver”, said the alien as he lifted up his T-shirt and showed off a huge red scar and stitches on his side.
“You mean you tore out your own liver and fed it to me?” gasped Gangreen as he started hacking and spitting like crazy.
“Yep”, said the alien. “And don’t worry. My liver was totally healthy. I was going to sell kidney pie, but my doctor said my kidneys weren’t working right.”
“I don’t think I want to know what’s in the special sauce”, said a nauseated Igor.
“Okay”, said the alien as he started typing on a futuristic cash register. “Show me your Meteor Card so you can pay for that sandwich.”
“Meteor Card?” demanded Gangreen. “I have no such ridiculous sounding thing!”
“Well in that case”, said the alien. “You can just pay with my planet’s regular currency.”
“And what might that be?” asked Gangreen.
“One liver sandwich”, said the alien. “It won’t cost you much, just a small piece of your brain.”
“A piece of my brai….”, gasped Gangreen. But before he could finish his word, a helmet was slammed onto Gangreen’s head and a tube started sucking something out of his head and it plopped into a little jar.
“Whoa!” said a surprised Igor. “I wonder how much a porterhouse steak would cost you?”
“Thank you and come again”, said the alien holding the jar that had a tiny piece of brain inside it.
“Yeah, right”, said Igor as he escorted the dazed Gangreen away from the creepy food stand.
“What, what, just happened?” asked Gangreen as he rubbed his head.
“That alien dude just took a piece of your brain”, said Igor.
“But I like my brain!” grumbled Gangreen, “Every single brilliant piece of it! Let’s see if my brain’s still working. A tomato is actually a fruit, for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Yep, all my knowledge seems to still be in place. Come, Igor. Let’s leave this alien madhouse.”
“Where will we be heading for now?” asked Igor.
“Let’s see what I can remember from that map”, said Gangreen. “Let’s see, go north, or was it south? Turn at Ursa Major, or was it Ursa Minor? OH NO!”
“What is it, your flusterdness?” asked Igor.
“That alien must’ve taken the part of my brain that had the directions to that soil planet!” cried Gangreen. “I gotta get it back!” Gangreen quickly rushed back to the food stand.
“I need my brain piece back, now!” shouted Gangreen.
“Sorry, no can do”, said the alien.
“But I need it!” cried Gangreen. “I’ll make a deal. Give me back that piece and you can take the part of my brain that has my painful high school gym class memories. I’d be more than happy to give up that!”
“Like I said, no can do”, said the alien. “I already sold it to some kid as an ice cream topping.”
“You what?!” cried Gangreen. He turned around and found a small red alien with a beanie copter on his head sucking up the ice cream that had a piece of Gangreen’s brain on it.
“NO! It’s gone forever!” wailed Gangreen.
“Look on the bright side, Doc”, said Igor. “Maybe that kid will grow up to be a genius with your brain in his bod.”
“Don’t you get it?” grumbled Gangreen. “I no longer have the directions to get to that planet of amazing soil! And if that soil hungry Gang of 6 finds out about this, they could tear us to bits!”
“Maybe someone on this station knows how to get to the planet”, said Igor.
“And like who?” demanded Gangreen.
“How about me?” called out a spooky sounding voice.
“Who said that?” demanded Gangreen as he and Igor looked around.
“Over here”, said the voice. Gangreen found himself looking at a stand filled with strange trinkets. One of them was a huge jar with green toxic-like water. And floating in it was a blackened seed. “Yes, that’s right. The seed is talking to you”, said the spooky voice coming from the jar.
“How can a mere seed in some liquid filled jar be talking?” asked Gangreen amazed.
“I could go into heavy details, but I know you’d rather be looking for that soil planet you mentioned”, said the seed.
“You know where I can find this planet of soil that possesses plant’s free wills?” asked Gangreen.
“First of all, the soil planet is called Saladovia”, said the seed. “And yes, I know the directions to that planet.”
“Tell me how to get there!” said Gangreen eagerly taking out a pen and a huge paper.
“I can do much better than that”, said the seed. “Take me with you and I can navigate you to Saladovia.”
“Take you with us?” demanded Gangreen. “Why can’t you just tell me the directions and I’ll write them down?”
“Trust me, it’ll be much easier and faster if I guide you there myself”, said the seed. “All you have to do is buy me from the lady who runs this cart.”
“What lady?” demanded Gangreen.
“This lady!” said a gooey brown puddle on the floor that suddenly rose and took the form of a blob with huge eyes and lipstick and had long drippy hands.
“Whoa, major gross!” said Igor. “I think I’m gonna lose my lunch!”
“Well can I have it as soon as it comes out?” said the lady blob.
“General gross!” shouted Igor.
“Tell me something, madam”, said Gangreen. “This black seed in a jar, is he trustworthy as a navigator?”
“I suppose so”, said the lady blob. “I found it floating around in endless space one day and it seemed to know the way back to this space station. Just show me your Meteor Card and you can have it.”
“I’m afraid I don’t have one of those so-called Meteor Cards”, said Gangreen. “But if you charge brains, you can take my assistant’s brain. It may be tiny, but I believe that’s a fair price for a tiny little seed.”
“When he’s right, he’s right”, said Igor, rattling his head around.
“Oh no”, smiled the lady blob. “I don’t use brains as currency. Only my friend, Freltz, from that food stand over there charges brains. You can pay with my planet’s currency.”
“And what that might be?” asked Gangreen.
“Your dignity”, smiled the lady blob.
* * * * * *
Later, we see Gangreen and Igor dressed in ridiculous teddy bear costumes. Gangreen’s suit was green with an atom bomb on his tummy and Igor’s suit was blue with a surf board on his tummy. They were dancing while singing, “Beneath the trees where nobody sees, they’ll hide and seek as long as they please. Today’s the day the teddy bears have their picnic.” All the aliens in the station were laughing at the humiliating sight while the lady blob was laughing too while typing on a futuristic cash register as well.
“Okay, that’s enough!” said the blob, still laughing out loud. “You’ve given up more of your dignity than I need. I’ll just put it on store credit for you. The seed is yours!”
* * * * * *
Gangreen and Igor were back in their normal clothes walking back to the docking bay. Gangreen was still grumbling while Igor was carrying the jar with the black seed in it. “You’d better be worth all that humiliation!” Gangreen pointed to the seed.
“Trust me”, said the seed calmly. “Just follow my directions and it’ll all be worth it.
“Hey, what’s going on over there?” asked Igor as he pointed to some kind of commotion that was near their rocket. It showed some robot security guards trying to hold back an attacking Gang of 6.
“We want soil!” shouted Zoltan as a robot was trying to push him back. “And we’ll turn you into scrap metal if we don’t get it!”
“Yeah!” growled Ketchuck as he spat out drool on the robots causing them to short circuit and collapse.
“Nice form my dear crude Ketchuck”, said Mumato as he was wrapping the last remaining guards in bandages.
“Oh no!” growled Gangreen, “How did those psycho-saucebrains break loose?!”
“Leave this minor problem to me”, said the seed as it started releasing some kind of black mist from the jar.
“Whoa”, said Igor watching the mist getting released from the jar he was holding. “I think we’ll need to go back and buy an air freshener.”
The mist suddenly surrounded the Gang of 6 causing them to stop their commotion. “Hey, what’s going on here?” demanded Zoltan.
“Hello, Zoltan”, said the dark seed’s voice.
“Who are you and how do you know my name?” demanded the Gang of 6’s leader.
“Let’s say that I share a bond with my fellow vegetations from all over the universe”, said the dark seed. “I understand you and your group are looking for sweet succulent soil.”
“Yeah, that’s right!” said Zoltan, calming down. “Have you got any?”
“No, but I can safely lead you to the soil planet”, said the seed. “But in order for me to do this task, you and your comrades must quietly re-enter the rocket cucumber and let Dr. Gangreen pilot the vessel to the planet. Are you able to do that?”
“Sure, anything to get that leafwatering soil!” said Zoltan.
“I agree!” said Beefsteak.
“I’ll cooperate”, said Fang.
“I’ll be good for now”, said Mumato.
“Same here”, said Tomacho.
“Did somebody say soil?” asked Ketchuk, still drooling all over the damaged robots.
“I don’t believe it”, said Gangreen as he watched the Gang of 6 calmly hopping back into the rocket. “For months, I’ve been trying to tame that unruly crop of killer tomatoes and you, a small seed, get them to obey you by spraying out some black gas.”
“It’s a talent, I suppose”, said the dark seed. As Gangreen and Igor started to enter the rocket, the seed seemed to be studying it. “This rocket cucumber of yours is quite fascinating”, said the seed. “It looks like the ones they grow on Saladovia. Except that this one’s a lot larger and it’s a nice red color instead of dull green. No offense, Dr. Gangreen.”
“Exactly how do you know so much about this Saladovia?” demanded Gangreen. “Are you a citizen from there?”
“Let’s say that I have a rooted history with that planet”, said the seed as the three of them finally entered the cockpit and saw the Gang of 6 strapped into their seats patiently waiting to continue their journey.
“Uh, oh”, said Igor. “We don’t have an extra seat for you, seed dude.”
“Put me on that spot over there”, said the seed as it pointed its pointy head. Gangreen and Igor saw the long green spout sticking out in the center of the cockpit.
“I’ve been wondering what that was when I first grew this rocket”, said Gangreen as he watched Igor place the seed’s jar on the spout.
“This is normally where the brain seed of a Saladovian rocket cucumber would go”, said the seed. “But since this rocket seems to have been grown without a brain, you can make me the brain and I’ll take you to Saladovia myself.”
“Just what do we call you anyway?” asked Gangreen as he and Igor got into their seats and strapped themselves in.
“Just call me Darkseed”, said the seed, “For now.”
The red rocket cucumber ended up blasting out of the space station’s docking bay and blasted off continuing their journey to Saladovia thanks to their new navigator that consisted of a dark seed.
The head security robot stood at the docking bay and watched the cucumber blasted off. Then he turned around and saw his damaged robot comrades. “That’s the second time space travelers brought in Otamots and caused a riot”, said the robot as he transformed his metal hand into a cell phone. “Something will have to be done about that”, and he started making a call.
* * * * * *
Back on Q-51, we see a shirtless Chad sitting on his bed in the sleeping chamber still feeling ashamed about unexpectedly barging into the bathroom where he saw a naked Xylena. Tara and a thawed out F.T. were sitting next to him trying to soothe his nerves. “I can’t believe I saw her nude in the shower!” cried Chad. “I feel so ashamed!”
“I thought you were always supposed to knock before entering a bathroom”, said Tara.
“The door was open so I thought no one was using it”, protested Chad.
“But didn’t you hear any water running in the shower?” asked Tara.
“No”, said Chad. “I thought that branch I saw sticking out of the shower was another plant appliance. When I opened the curtain, I…I found her taking what looked like a sunlight shower NAKED! Why didn’t that censor lady come in and stop all of this from happening?!”
“Don’t you remember?” asked Tara. “Her head exploded two chapters ago.”
“That’s right!” wailed Chad. “I shouldn’t be blaming her. I should be blaming myself! How could I do that to an innocent girl like Xylena?!”
“It was an accident, Chad”, said Tara, placing her hands on his shoulders. “You didn’t mean to barge in and see Xylena showering. And you weren’t thinking any naughty thoughts when you saw her, weren’t you?”
“I just hope Xylena will forgive me”, cried Chad. “She probably doesn’t even want to talk to me after all that.”
“Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you?” asked Xylena’s voice. Chad looked up and saw Xylena standing there with her hands behind her back.
“Xylena?” gasped Chad as he saw that the Saladovian girl wasn’t wearing her regular spacesuit, but what looked like a tight spandex suit made of dark green tree bark. F.T. made a squeak and a quick whistle.
“Hello, Xylena”, said Tara trying to cover up F.T’s mouth. “That’s a nice suit you’re wearing.”
“But I am not wearing anything”, said Xylena. “I removed my spacesuit to take a sun shower. This is me in the bare bark.”
Chad slowly looked up and saw that tight bark suit was really her skin. And it seemed to cover up her unmentionables too. Chad realized when he saw Xylena’s bare back in the shower, he was too shocked to notice that Xylena’s body was covered with dark green tree bark. “Xylena”, trembled Chad. “I’m sorry I saw you in the shower without your clothes on. I didn’t know you were in there.”
“There’s no need for apologies” said Xylena, puzzled. “Going around in plain bark is natural for us Saladovians. We only wear clothes on formal occasions or when we need spacesuits to travel in space.”
Then she reached out her branch-like hands and handed Chad his cap and shirt back. “I think you left these in the bathroom”, she said while smiling.
“Thank you”, said Chad, who went from a guilty face to a relieved face as he took the items from Xylena. Then Xylena placed a branch on Chad’s bare shoulder. “You Earthlings have such unusual bark”, she said. “It’s all pink and smooth.” Chad’s face turned red at her comment. “And your face is starting to ripen as well.” Said Xylena. Tara started giggling at the words Xylena was using while watching Chad blush.
“All right, that’s enough of that hanky-panky!” called out a familiar voice. The 3 kids and fuzzy tomato turned around and found the censor lady standing there with a new head painted on her. But all we could see was her back.
“Put some clothes on this instant, young lady!” she scolded. “Just because it may be natural for you Saladovians to go around unclothed does not mean you can do it around the eyes of innocent Earth children! And it also appears that many filthy and disgusting things happened while I was out! Using a talking bush for toilet, aliens cutting out their own livers, sucking out brains and feeding them to alien children, and now a boy seeing a young girl in the shower! Oooh, there’s going to be heck to pay!”
The kids started laughing while pointing to the censor lady.
“What exactly is so funny?” demanded the lady. She looked at a nearby mirror on the wall and saw that she had the face of a turkey. “Goodness gracious!” she cried while feeling her beak. “Those animators repainted me with a turkey’s face! Gobble, gobble, gobble! I’m going to report this to the Fox president. I’ll have those animators’ heads for this!” Just then, an ear of corn started to roll across the floor. The censor lady saw the rolling corn and started chasing after it while making gobble sounds.
“Has anyone seen an ear of corn roll by?” asked Wilbur as he entered the chamber. “I need it for my cream corned pizza recipe.”
The censor lady ended up chasing the corn that had landed near the door leading outside. The minute she pounced on it, the door ended up swinging open and out she went as the door slammed shut again. “OH NO, NOT AGAIN!” cried the censor lady as she was floating in space and felt her turkey head puffing up like a Thanksgiving balloon. She quickly took out her CENSORED card and covered her head as an explosion was heard. Our heroes looked through the portholes and saw the headless censor lady float off into space once again.
“We seem to be getting away with a lot of stuff in this Killer Tomatoes story”, said Tara.
“Welcome to the world of internet fanfic writing”, said Whitley.
TO BE CONTINUED
Last edited by Cullen; 07-20-2007 at 09:19 PM.
Please contiue this its a great fic
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