Phar story

[Craig Marinaro]

The writing-Phar-out-of-the-continuum thing Romey and I had been planning for awhile...Romey hasn't read it yet, since he's inconsiderately disappeared for the last week and a half (during the span of which I wrote this whole thing from concept to finish--so he doesn't know a thing about it), so who knows what he'll say...tried to keep it from getting too serious, but it's not light either--I like Phar, after all, and if we *have* to get rid of her, it has to be something of an emotionally-driven story...the ending may be a bit weak, but it was the best way I could think to stage it, and I wanted this up by today...comments would be appreciated!

~~~

[Open on Acme Labs - int., nighttime. Pan across to door. The mail slot opens and a few snowflakes blow in, as Billie and Pinky climb through. Then, both lean back and pull a flaccid Brain in.]

BRAIN: [Wearily.] It was a sloppy plan. Subliminal messages hidden in Christmas carols. Flimsy, predictable. Doomed from the start.

BILLIE: Ah, don't beat yourself up too much, Eggy. You weren't at your best tonight. After all, you did get invited in for eggnog at a *lot* of houses...

BRAIN: [A bit slurred.] Nonsense! I was in rare form! Didn't you hear my rendition of "Good King Wensheshlez--"..."Wenchefloss"..."Wenzheshlenza"...oooh... [He flops forward. The other two catch him and prop him up.] Perhaps I've merely used up all the good Christmas plans. Best selling toys, mall Santas, pageants...someone really ought to come up with some new traditions. The current selection lends so little to the imagination...makes it unbelievably difficult for a genius of my caliber to get into the proper shpirit..... [Flops onto the floor.]

BILLIE: [Sarcastically.] I think you got into more than enough "shpirit."

PINKY: Oh, take the holiday off for once, Brain! It'll be fun! We'll celebrate Christmas like a family! We can go to mall and meet Santa, and buy each other toys, and then when we get back to the Lab, we'll put on a big, happy pageant... [Brain growls.]

BILLIE: Well, there's gotta be *something* that'll put you in a holiday mood. [Her ears perk up.] Hey...do you hear what I hear?

PINKY: I think so, Billie...but I'm not sure if I'd say his voice is as big as the sea. It's closer to a large fjord, perhaps. *FJORD*!

BILLIE: No, not that! The sleigh bells jingling!

PINKY: Ring-ting-tingling, too!

BRAIN: *Enough* Christmas songs, thank you *very* much.

PINKY: Awww...not even "Suzy Snowflake"?

BILLIE: Oh, never mind. Just c'mon...let's hitch a ride! There's *one* holiday tradition that hasn't been hammered into the ground yet! And there's also an element of amour-- [Catching herself.] --er, ah...amort!

BRAIN: Amort?

BILLIE: Yes, amort! Uh...you know, looking at the dead winter wonderland, through the perspective that you know it'll all revive in a few months! Gives you a sort of hope for the future. You know.

PINKY: [Whispering.] Oh, nice recovery, Billie!

BILLIE: [Stunned.] You mean...you know what I was going to say?

PINKY: Of course! I'm not steewwpid! [Billie grins.] Imagine what Brain would've said if he knew you were going to say "amortization"...you know what he thinks of the banking system! [Her grin fades rapidly.]

BILLIE: Er...yeah. Well, let's go. [She starts out, and the other two follow.]

[Outside, the snow is falling in flurries. A sleigh goes whisking by the Lab door. The mice leap onto the runner.]

PINKY: Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup...YOOOOO-HOOOOO! Pop-pop-pop! Wa-ha-haaa!

BRAIN: [Cringing.] Pinky, why don't you go up front and get acquainted with the driver?

PINKY: 'k! [Running off.] Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, giddyup...

BRAIN: Ergh...this is useless. How the deuce am I suppose to take over the world utilizing a horse-drawn sleigh?

BILLIE: You're not! You're supposed to sit back and enjoy it! Honestly, Eggy, you have the most one-track mind I've ever seen. [Awkwardly.] Noooooow....you just stay here and have fun while I go up front with Pinky! [Dashes off.]

BRAIN: [Sighing.] I suppose I'd best make sure they stay out of trouble... [He begins to make his way up front.]

[Pinky climbs up to the head of the sleigh, and puts his head back gleefully.]

PINKY: Oh, this is the life! The wind in your fur, the wind blowing up your nose, the smell of the-- [He stops dead as something catches his eye. He gasps. Brain and Billie climb up behind him.] [Pointing ahead and stuttering.] I--i--i--p--p--p--h--

BRAIN: Oh, no.

BILLIE: Not--

PINKY: Phar Fignewton! [He dashes out across the reins and hops on top of Phar's head.] [Hugging her.] Oh, you're as lovely as ever!

BRAIN: Are you jesting? She looks positively ghastly! [As we get a clear shot of her, we see Brain's right--she looks worn and out of shape. But her face lights up when Pinky catches her eye. She whinnies happily.]

PINKY: [Looks closer.] Well, perhaps the little shadies under your eyes have gotten a big bigger...but, pshaw! Don't listen to him. He's a bit-- [Makes "drinking" motions, and as he does, his hand suddenly slips.] Whoops...spilled! [He giggles, and Phar cheerily joins in.]

BRAIN: Great Scott.

BILLIE: [Panicky.] Brain! Do you see what's going on here?

BRAIN: I'm trying very hard not to.

BILLIE: But..he's a mouse! That's a horse! I mean...haven't you explained the "facts of life" to him yet?

BRAIN: [Grinning grimly.] "Haven't I"? You make it sound easy.

BILLIE: Isn't it? Just watch me! [She slides out along the rein, and perches near Pinky.] Now, Pinky. Mice and horses can't-- Hm. That is to say, they don't have the compatible...uh. Well, what I mean is...they don't share...well, their...you know...

PINKY: [Smiling understandingly.] Oh, it's alright, Billie! I know all about the different culinary preferences between mice and horses. But we've got that all settled--I honestly don't mind oats at all!

BILLIE: [Smiling weakly.] Ooh...good. ...good. [She dashes back off to Brain.] What do I do? What do I do?!

BRAIN: [Amused.] A bit of Pinky idiocy that you *don't* like? You're right--this ride *is* making me feel better.

BILLIE: [Turning around.] Okay...it's alright...it's just a fad...he hasn't seen her in a long time, and he won't see her ever again until after this ride...just catching up with an old flame...nostalgia an' all...nothing to worry about...be calm...be coooool...be --WHY ARE WE PULLING OVER HERE?!

PINKY: [Yelling from the horse's head.] Phar Fignewton spotted a mistletoe!

BILLIE: Oh, no. No, no, no...

[They pull over, and Phar sticks her head into a doorway with mistletoe hanging above it. Billie bites her hands. But Pinky carelessly stands up and plucks the plant off, and hands it down to Phar's head, where it is promptly devoured. Billie breathes a sigh of relief, but quickly tenses up again when she sees how merrily the two laugh.]

BILLIE: Noo...

BRAIN: YEEEEES! [Billie whirls around.]

BILLIE: WHAT?!

BRAIN: It's so perfect! Why didn't I see it before?

BILLIE: Are you nuts?! It'd never work out! They wouldn't have a chance! Not in a million years!

BRAIN: No, you smitten dolt! I speak not of your niggling romantic concerns, but rather of my own ambitions of global conquest! Why didn't I think of it sooner? Mistletoe! It was so ridiculously obvious...so contemptibly glaring! PINKY! Pull yourself away from that moronic mare and tell the driver to take up back to the Lab immediately! [Billie flashes a self-satisfied smile. Pinky whimpers.] Come, come...post haste! There is work to be done! [He rubs his hands together.] We must deck the halls in time for the holidays.

PINKY: [Suddenly brighter and dancing.] Fa-la-la-la-laaaaaaa...la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaaaa-la-la-- [A snowball whacks him in the head, silencing him.]

[Fade to an extreme close-up of one of those red bubbling Christmas lights. We see Brain's distorted fiendish grin on the other side, and cut to a different angle to see that he's actually using the ornament as a test tube, heating it over a Bunsen burner.]

BRAIN: Perfect...it's done. Now to test. PINKY! Bring me...the mistletoe! [He holds his paw out expectantly and closes his eyes. He waits for a few seconds, then begins to jingle his extended fingers impatiently. Finally, he breaks the pose and opens his eyes.] *PINKY*! *PIIINKY*!

PINKY: [O/S.] Coming, Brain! [He comes dashing through a nearby door desperately.]

BILLIE: [Running after him.] Come back, Pinky! You didn't open all your gifts!

PINKY: [Nervously.] O-oh, no, Billie! I'll be back in a bit, I promise! But I have to help Brain! Business before p-pleasure, you know! Poit.

BILLIE: Alright. But hurry up! I'll miss you sooo much! [She wanders back into the next room.]

PINKY: [Grabbing Brain.] Brain, Billie got me all these presents--all sorts of marbles and dirty coins and clicky pens...wonderful things, you know, but I mean, I don't need all this! I'm not used to getting presents, and there are people who deserve so much more than I do, like you, or Mr. Saltana, or, um...well, mostly anybody! And she keeps making these funny eyes at me and playing with my fur and, Brain...I'm sort of afraid she.... [Gulps.] ...has a little crush on me.

BRAIN: [Sarcastically.] Billie? A crush on you? Oh, come now.

PINKY: [Calming.] Well...I guess it is kind of silly. I mean, we're such good friends. Right?

BRAIN: Naturally. Now enough of this! It's time to test my latest scheme. Hand me the mistletoe.

PINKY: But, Brain, it's right next to you, and to get it, *I'd* have to walk all the way around you...

BRAIN: [Becoming increasingly aggravated.] I don't care! The assistant has to hand it to the genius! That's the way these things work! Who are you to question tradition, anyway? Now just hand me the Stygian thing!

PINKY: Yes, Brain... [He walks around Brain, picks it up, walks back around, and places it in Brain's hand.]

BRAIN: Thank you. [He dips the mistletoe in the concoction in the ornament.] Now, the test...hmmm... [He hears some voices coming from the next room. He dashes to the main exit, and climbs hastily up to the top, attaching the mistletoe to the top of the doorway. He then hops back down to the table, grabs Pinky, and ducks inside the cage, slamming the door. He presses himself up against the bars innocently as a male and a female scientist walk into the room, both wearing their coats.]

MALE SCIENTIST: ...I really don't think he's being fair. I mean, if you know Melvin at all, you've got to expect to lose a limb or two if you're working on a project with him. It's just a given!

FEMALE SCIENTIST: I know. But, you know Ted. He just takes things so seriously. Well, have a great holiday!

MALE SCIENTIST: [Opening the doorway.] Ladies first! [As she passes through, he spots the mistletoe. He glances libelously at his companion, then grabs her and kisses her full on the mouth. She does little to resist, and the two tumble out into the snow.]

BRAIN: YES! "Operation Kiss and Tell" is a success!

PINKY: Egad, Brain! Did you do that? [Brain nods.] That was really nice, helping those two get together! You see, didn't that feel so much better than trying to take over the world?

BRAIN: Nonsense! That comes next. You see before you the most powerful aphrodisiac in existence! The mere scent of it is enough to set any two beings of converse genders who pass it at each other like rabbits!

PINKY: Oh, my! Even rabbits?

BRAIN: As much as I doubt my megalomaniacal endeavors will ever mandate having Bugs Bunny out of commission...yes, even rabbits. Now, today is December 21st. We have a week and a half before New Year's, to distribute these babies across the globe. Thankfully, if there's one thing that spreads by word of mouth like wildfire amongst humans, it's matters of the libido. Once we make a paltry few initial sales, I expect orders to start pouring in, thousands by the day!

PINKY: Which means.....

BRAIN: [Shoving a basket in Pinky's face.] Start picking. [Pinky looks crestfallen.]

PINKY: All alone?

BRAIN: You could take Billie, if you like.

BILLIE: [O/S.] Oooh, Piiinky! C'mon back! I'll give you a nice tail massage!

PINKY: Er...you know, Brain, I've actually been needing some time to myself. To...um...you know...think, and things like that. Well, be seeing you. *TROZ*! [He dashes off. Brain smirks after him before returning to his work, tweaking the formula.]

[Blur-fade to Phar in her stable, looking up at the night sky. She mentally connects some stars into the shape of Pinky's head. The star-Pinky then comes to life.]

STAR-PINKY: [Spookily.] Phaaaaar...cooome tooo meee...I'm looooonelyyyyy...I want cooompaaaanyyyyy....woooooooooooooooooooooooo! [Normal voice.] Oh, no, wait...that's how you're supposed to talk if you want to scare somebody *away*. Sorry! Um...so, ya wanna come up an' see me sometime? [Phar nods enthusiastically.] Okay, then...just follow the star! [He winks and fades back into random stars.]

[Phar looks down at the stable door and contemplates it deeply. Finally, she cautiously pokes her nose under the latch and slides it up. She smiles, realizing she's figured it out. But as she pushes the door, it won't budge. She begins nudging harder and harder. Finally, she starts backing up and charging it, harder and harder. The stable begins to shake. After several tries, each increasingly more forceful, the whole stable falls to the ground--except the door, which amazingly remains intact. She gets an idea. She walks to the back of the former stable, picks up a can of oil in her mouth, and walks back to the door, oiling the hinge. She places the can on the ground and ever-so-gently nudges the door open. She gives a self-satisfied smile and struts out.]

[Wipe to Pinky, mournfully plucking the mistletoe off trees in a forest, presumably nearby the Lab, and placing it in a basket.]

PINKY: Oh, being by myself is no fun at all. It's cold and my arm hurts, and there's no one to laugh with, and Brain won't let me back in until I've got this whole big basket filled. I should've let Billie come... [He hears a "neigh" in the distance, and perks up.] I'd know that voice anywhere! [He looks up to see Phar silhouetted against the waxing moon.] Phar! [He runs out along a snow-covered branch of the tree and plunges off the end, landing on Phar's nose, which he hugs tightly.] Thank goodness you're here! I've been kicking myself...I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier how I love what you've done with your mane. [She whinnies, pleased.] Oh, yes, it's quite becoming! Anyway, I'm stuck out here picking mistletoe for Brain. [Phar puts on a gruff face and lowers her eyebrows. She wobbles her head around self-importantly.] Oh, that's very good! I didn't know you did impressions! [She gives a girlish "giggle."] Sooo, if you're not doing anything...I mean...would you be at all interested in, you know...hanging out? [She nods so enthusiastically that she almost sends him flying off.] Wonderful! Well, then, let's get to work! [He climbs back up on the branch.] I'll pluck them off and hand them to you, and you place them in the basket! Okay? [She nods. They go about their task cheerfully.]
[Singing.]
Oh, conditions inside are iffy
But out here, I feel just spiffy
So, while we pick mistletoe
Let it snow, let it snow, let it--eep! [He slips off the branch and plunges downward. Phar gasps, and Pinky grabs onto her tongue.] Oh! Phar Fignewton! You saved my life! [He hugs the tongue tightly.] Thank you, thank you, Phar Fignewton! [She blushes.]

[Inside, we see Billie pulling a Reese's wrapper around her head like a shawl.]

BILLIE: Oh, Pinky'll just *love* this! I can't wait 'til he gets back! [She looks up at the clock, and realizes she can't even see it because it's gotten dark.] I wonder what's taking him so long, anyway? [She climbs up on the window sill, to see Pinky embracing Phar's tongue, both of them giddily laughing. Tears start forming in her eyes, but they don't get far, before she narrows her eyes into cold, hateful slits. She crumbles the wrapper in her paw.]

[Cut to much later that night. Open on Billie curled up asleep on the window sill. She is clutching the same wrapper to her chest, and nervously chewing on the tip of it in her sleep. Pan-fade to Brain in the next room, also asleep, slumped over his ornament / makeshift test tube. A window by the door begins to slide open a crack, and Pinky slips in quietly. He looks around, then slowly pushes it up as far as he can. A hose's snout comes in through it, and pushes it up the rest of the way. Phar then awkwardly sticks first one, then both of her front legs in. Pinky pulls on her left leg, and she uses her right leg to push on the wall. Somehow, after some time, the two manage to get her in, super-quietly. Pinky motions to shut the window, and Phar nods understandingly. She then slams the window down as fast as she can, stopped only a millionth of an inch from slamming it into the sill by Pinky's frantic gestures. She nods understandingly again, and closes the last little bit excruciatingly slowly. They then walk through the Lab, with Phar missing several test tubes by a hair. As they pass into the back room, both breathe a sigh of relief. Just then, a resounding crash startles them both. They whirl around, and see that Brain tipped the ornament, and has spilled the contents all over himself. Obviously, he is wide awake now, and looks directly at the mouse and the horse.]

PINKY: Oh, dear. Um...I know you don't approve of my associating with Phar, Brain, she being a mare and all...but she has nowhere to go, and it's awfully near Christmas, you know, and I really think you might like her quite a bit if you got to know her some more--

BRAIN: [Lunging at Phar and grabbing onto her nose.] Keez me, you fool! [He begins smooching her affectionately. Phar gives Pinky a questioning neigh.]

PINKY: Well, be amiable. After all, he is your host. [Thinking for a moment.] But no tongue.

[Fade in on Acme Labs, and close in as the opening theme music begins under. Fade in to the cage, with Pinky running on his wheel and Brain gripping the cage door (which has a tree branch wrapped in a circle hanging on it, like a wreath).]

PINKY: So, Brain, what're we gonna do this Christmas?

BRAIN: [Striking a pose.] The same thing we do every Christmas, Pinky...try to keep that oafish steed occupied so she doesn't destroy what's left of my equipment! [Pull back to see Phar running in place, imitating Pinky on the wheel, and in the process knocking all sorts of vials, jars, and papers off of desks and shelves. Brain reaches through the cage bars to pick up a pine needle that had fallen from the Lab's Christmas tree, and uses it to pick the lock. Pinky hops off the wheel and runs out of the cage, coaxing Phar off into another room.]

PINKY: C'mon, girl! I've got a whole stash of candy canes...we'll see who can eat the most without getting sick!

[Brain walks out of the cage and surveys the damage, picking up a few of the spilled items.]

BILLIE: [Walking on; looking a nervous wreck, with huge rings under her eyes. She's drinking a tall latte from a pen cap, and still clinging neurotically to the wrapper with the other paw.] [With a raspy voice; hopefully.] You could just throw her out.

BRAIN: Ah, that's the rub. You'll recall that loathsome night when my own accursed potion caused me to let my worser impulses get the better of me? If I want knowledge of it to stay within this building, I'm forced to keep the hag on..

BILLIE: You don't mean...Pinky's blackmailing you?!

BRAIN: Mercy, no.

BILLIE: Then who?

BRAIN: Jerry, the Genetically-Altered Gerbil, our next-cage neighbor. Blasted romantic...I swear, it's from watching those soaps all day long...

BILLIE: But, Eggy! I can't--I mean, we can't go on like this much longer! She and Pinky are always wrecking your stuff and singing half the night and eating things they find in odd places when they could be doing something worthwhile to help you!

BRAIN: [Chuckling.] By that philosophy, I would have had you out on the step ages ago.

BILLIE: [Nearly hysterical.] But, can't you see? This is tearing me up! This...this isn't how things are supposed to be!

BRAIN: [Holding up his hand; bitterly.] *Don't*...tell me how things are "supposed to be." I don't know what sick, convoluted attraction you have to Pinky, or what you could possibly want from him. But the one thing I have learned in my time on this planet is that you can't take anything for granted. There are no givens. If you want something, you have to fight for it. You have to work and claw and sweat. And once you get it, you have to keep working and clawing and sweating to hold onto it. Because the moment you become complacent--the moment you stop to sit down for a few minutes--Fate will always be there to sneak up and pull the chair out from under you. And that's the *only* way things are "supposed to be."

BILLIE: So...you're not gonna help me?

BRAIN: [Sighing.] Billie, I have bigger things to worry about. As far as I can tell, his association with Phar Fignewton isn't hurting anyone but you, and you only because it impedes upon your absurd little fantasy world. You can either reassess your dreams to be a bit more feasible in light of reality, or you can do your best to alter reality so that it coincides with your dreams. Let me assure you, though...the latter isn't *nearly* as easy as it might seem. Speaking of which, I have only a week left until New Year's, and as I predicted, the orders are pouring in from all over the world. So, if you'll excuse me, I must attend to my business. Best of the day to you. [He turns and walks off.]

[Billie looks forlorn for a moment. Then, she listlessly picks up the Reese's wrapper. She looks at it for a moment, then punches two eyeholes in it and slips it over her hand as a makeshift puppet.]

BILLIE: [Speaking through the puppet, in her "squeaky" voice.] So, Billie, what're we gonna do tonight? [Speaking for herself, in her "mature" voice.] What we do every night, Billie...formulate a plan to try to win back Pinky! [She grins schemingly, and then utters a small "Natch!" out of the side of her mouth, for the puppet.]

[Fade ahead. An outdoor shot of the White House with light snowfall, as a caption reads "New Year's Eve." A few bars of "Auld Lang Syne" play on the soundtrack. Various foreign leaders are seen climbing out of their limos and walking in. Pan to the mice and the horse, standing some distance away.]

BRAIN: The President's gala New Year's Eve party looks to be a smash success! Every important world leader in the...well, in the world is here! Not only that, but the place is decked from fore to aft with my special little plant. And when that clock strikes twelve and it's time for the traditional kiss underneath the mistletoe, their desire to maintain hold on their respective dominions will be little match for their own hormonal drives! Now it's just a matter of time... [He glances at a nearby street clock, which reads 11:16. Pan up to the clock and fade to a clock in the White House. Pull back to see the party in full swing. The leaders are dancing, singing, and having a great time. Pan over to Dubya, sitting at a table with his ma and pa, as a waiter stands by.]

DUBYA: Oh, come on, Dad...it's New Year's Eve!

BUSH SR.: Sorry, but I don't think you're mature enough yet.

DUBYA: [Whimpering; to the waiter.] Just a milk, please.

[Cut back outside. Brain paces longingly, as Pinky reads to Phar. The book is entitled <i>Wakko Warner Saves New Year's</i>.]

PINKY: [Reading.] "...and then, Wakko Warner saw the unimaginable. Richard Wagstaff Clark--yes, Jolly Old St. Dick himself--had gotten sick for the first time in two thousand years! He beckoned young Wakko to his bed, and Wakko stood in awe of his magical presence. His eyes, how they twinkled...his dimples so merry! He struggled up on his pillow, and whispered in Wakko's ear. 'Wakko, with your face so white...won't you host my show tonight?' So Wakko went out on that stage, and--"

BRAIN: [Looking down from the clock.] T-minus five minutes to showtime. Let's go! [He dashes off, and Billie follows.]

PINKY: Alright, Phar. Now you stay here and look at these lovely colorful pictures of Mr. Clark! We'll be back in two shakes of a jiffy! [Phar nods disconsolately. Billie grabs Pinky by the tail and drags him off. Pinky waves goodbye to Phar as he goes off into the distance. As the mice disappear, Phar looks both ways suspiciously, then begins to tiptoe after the mice with a scheming smile.]

[Inside the party, the clock is ticking, with less than a minute left. Everyone watches eagerly, spouses holding hands. Dubya is sulkily drinking milk from a wine glass. The mice squeeze in through a hole at the base of the wall, and Brain rubs his hands together eagerly. The crowd begins to count down from "ten," and finally, the hands convene on the "12." A chime goes off, and everyone dashes under the nearest mistletoe with their loved one, and begins kissing. And kissing. And kissing.]

BRAIN: Perfect! Everything is going according to plan. Now, all we have to do is-- [He turns around, to find the other two gone.] Oh, no. Where did they go? Over here, *now*!!! You can play your little games on your time, *NOT* on mine!!! [He spots Billie dragging an unwilling Pinky under a mistletoe across the room. Pinky suddenly becomes noticably less unwilling as the two begin smooching under the plant.] Oooooh, drat. [He sprints toward the two.]

[Outside, Phar Fignewton tiphooves up to the window. She pushes it up with her nose, as she did the Lab window, pokes her head in, and begins sniffing at the nearest mistletoe. Shrugging, she devours the thing. The potion instantly takes effect, and Phar begins looking passionately around for Pinky. She spots him--Brain trying desperately to push Pinky and Billie apart, and neither making his job particularly easy. Phar's eyes fill with jealousy. She takes a few steps back, and then leaps through the window, and dashes across the room, smashing several tables in her wake. Brain grabs the other two mice and drags them off just in time to save them from being trampled. Phar starts bucking, knocking out a few world leaders. Close in on the senior Bushes, breaking their embrace to dodge the horse.]

BUSH SR.: Now there's a mood-killer if ever I saw one.

BARBARA: [Turning to scold her son.] A most disgraceful display! I'm going to bed. [Waving to her husband.] I'll see you in the morning, George! [He waves glumly.]

BRAIN: [Running out onto the floor.] No, wait! Don't go! Everyone go back to ki-- [Phar's hooves stop him in his tracks, and he quickly dashes back into the hall. He looks on forlornly as the couples break up and run from the room.]

TONY BLAIR: [Offering some h'ors douerves to Phar in his hand. She calms a bit and munches them.] Well, hello, girl! My, you're a fine beast! Bit weather-worn, but there are some top-notch stable grooms back UK_side, could pretty you up in no time! What do you say? Need a good home? [She glances into the doorway, at the still-kissing Pinky and Billie. She thinks for a moment, and then gives Blair a big lick on the cheek.] Capital! [He leads her out, and she snootily puts her nose up as she passes the mice. Brain, exasperated, picks up the stem of a broken wine glass and raises it above the two. He holds it at ready for several seconds, as the anger builds in his eyes. But he checks himself, throw it to the floor with all his might, and walks sullenly up to the remains of a table. He tips a container of eggnog to pour some into a shot glass, places a coffee straw into the glass, and sits on the edge of it, sipping through the straw.]

[Back at the Lab. Pinky is staring despondently out the window into the snow. Brain walks over and awkwardly puts his hand on his shoulder. When Pinky doesn't even acknowledge his presence, Brain turns away. He walks to the edge of the table and looks down at Billie, sitting in the corner, fiddling miserably with the Reese's wrapper. He gives her an icy glare, and she doesn't look up. He marches furiously into the cage, slams the door, and walks over to a pile of wood filings in the corner. Digging through it, he pulls out an old scrap of paper. He unfolds it, and it reads, "Don't throw Billie out. She didn't mean it. --The Warners, 2/06/00." He shakes his head in vague comprehension, and crumples it up. Walking over the the side of the cage nearest Pinky, he presses himself against the bars and looks at him.]

BRAIN: [Gently.] What do you feel like doing tonight, Pinky?

PINKY: [Smiling a bit as he turns to Brain.] Why, the same we do every night, Brain. Try to take over the world!

[Closing shot of the Lab.]

CHORUS: [V/O] They're dinky...they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain...

PINKY: [V/O] Pop-pop-pop!

[Final note; fade out.]

-C

[Anthonynotes]

Entertaining story, though as you admitted, the ending felt rather abrupt (and not much to resolve Brain's displeasure with Billie [or things between Billie and Pinky]). A longer resolution might improve things in that area IMO. Nice reference to "The Once and Future Warners" with the Warners' note there (for anyone who doesn't know: in that story, Billie had been thrown out of the lab by Brain and was living on her own in 2015; when the Warners returned to the present, they informed the present-day lab mice about this aspect of their trip there in the hopes of preventing it from ever happening...).

-B.

[Roman Legion]

Waaah, I'm too late. It's already up without me...

I am really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, very sorry I couldn't have gotten back to you on this sooner... ::sigh:: =(

The writing-Phar-out-of-the-continuum thing Romey and I had been planning for awhile...Romey hasn't read it yet, since he's inconsiderately disappeared for the last week and a half.

Again, I am very, very, very sorry for that, and I wish I could have been around. =(

I haven't gotten to read this 2nd version, but I loved everything you had in the original draft you sent, only needing a few additions and minor edits in what was there. Wanted much to have a part in the final creation...

Any chance of catching you on AIM this week? If there's anything left to be added or changed, I'd really like to take part in it. Please, please, pleeease? =(

Romey
--Sbonk. =/

[Craig Marinaro]

Yee gads, I'm sorry. This is by no means a final draft. Actually, most of the stuff that comes after what I sent you is rather lousy, I think (rushed myself). I plan to rewrite a lot of it anyway, and your input would be most valued.

Should be on tonight. Hope to see you then. =)

[Roman Legion]

::does a happy jig::

I'm on right now, as of 8:15pm. I should be around for the rest of the night. If you see an away message, I'm probably just out grabbing New Years Eve leftovers to munch on. ;-)

Romey
--Happy happy happy day.