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    Captain Caps is offline Member
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    REPOST of a REPOST: "Spaced-Out Warners"

    Like This Thread!

    In "Star Wars"-styled lettering, the title flies for the screen.

    "Spaced-Out Warners"
    by Brainatra, Captain Caps, Dr. Belch, Robert and Sharklady

    Fade in on the Watertower, as seen in many fanfics. As we go inside, fans are breezing all over the place while Jimmy Buffett's song "Margaritaville" provides the backdrop for exhaustion.

    Yakko: (Resting on the arm of a couch) This day is boring the life out of me!

    Wakko: (Sprawled by the refrigerator) What can we do? We've busted a Beanie Baby ring, prevented the Apocalypse, salvaged our good names from the mud that is Rupert Murdoch, saved Christmas, hosted an overlong awards show, started our own radio station...We've exhausted our adventure potential.

    Dot: (Plastered against a wall by a gigantic fan) Well, what haven't we done in a long time?

    Yakko: Annoyed Dr. Scratchansniff?

    Dot: And who is he again?...

    Wakko: Some studio psychiatrist we annoyed the heck out of when "Animaniacs" was on the air. In fanfics, he's kind of fallen by the wayside. Didn't he appear in "The Harley Awards"? Anyway, have we gone crazy over the resident beautiful people on the lot recently?

    Dot: I couldn't tell you. My brain is aching. We need to go someplace that is air-conditioned and relaxing...with light jazz versions of 80s pop songs wafting through the air...someplace with a T.G.I Fridays and an Orange Julius...someplace...

    Yakko: I'm cutting you off right there! I know where you're going, so let's get it done! We're going to The Maul!

    Dissolve to the Shopping Palace of Beverly Hills...The Maul!

    Wakko: (Entering through a revolving door) Oh, goody! A Caffe-nation Coffee Shop! A 48 ounce cup of Strawberry Mocha Latte only sets you back five dollars! You can get a Joltachino and 3 Coffee-Cocoa-Clusters for only 3.50! Let's go there first! (As Yakko starts to run off, Dot grabs him by his shirt collar)

    Dot: Not yet, Sweetie! You still have a few more anger-management classes to go before you can drink coffee!

    Wakko: (Dejectedly, Huntsman-sounding) Darn the luck! No coffee! Darn the luck! Darn it to Heck!

    Dot: Don't worry, you'll be okay! Yakko and I...(reaching out to grab him, but just catching air) Yakko?

    Zip pan to Yakko standing by Bed, Bath and Beyond, chatting with 2 big-haired mall ladies as Billy Ocean's song "Loverboy" plays softly in the background.

    Yakko: Nice hair! How do you get it to stay like that?

    Callie (The brunette-haired mall lady): Like, I've used conditioner for, like, as long as I can like remember. It's been a totally long time since my hair was small!

    Wendi: (The blonde-haired mall lady) Yeah, everyone, like, says that we should join the present day, but, like, the past is welcoming to us!

    Dot: (Walking up) Hey, Valentino. Who are those ladies you're chatting with?

    Yakko: Dot, meet Callie and Wendi!

    C&W: Like, the pleasure's ours, totally!

    Callie: Like, are you siblings or something?

    Dot: (Deadpan) Well, you win the white carnation!

    Wakko leaps onto Callie's left shoulder and Wendi's right shoulder.

    Wakko: Hello, 80s-style-mall-hair-Valley-Girl nurses!

    Callie: Like, you're totally spazzing out on me, but thanks for the comp, totally!

    Wendi darts her eyes around nervously. Yakko catches hold of this.

    Yakko: Wendi, are you okay?

    Wendi: (Whispering) Like, not really! I know a lot of things! Like, you know, things that could get me sent to my death.

    Yakko and Wendi walk to the Orange Julius.

    Yakko: Wait, have you been imprisoned?

    Wendi: Like, no! I've always dressed this way! It's just, like, that Callie and I were walking through the Mall in 1992, looking to score some Motley Crue tickets. Like, Vince Neill is a total studmuffin. Like, anyway, we noticed a slightly opened door, and we heard the sounds of screaming. We opened the door, and we saw 3 men being doused in hot acid. Poured in their eyes, trickled down their throats, and tossed over every body part for reasons unfathomable to our minds. We were bought in after witnessing the horror. We were told that we had to remain in the mall for the rest of our lives, so the stories wouldn't leak out. I'm running the risk of death telling you what I know. I need you and your siblings to help Callie and I escape.

    Standing around the corner by the incense store are 2 bald gentlemen in headphones. These men are Mob associates Vin Twelves and Sparks Testarossa.

    Vin: What the (bleep)? Nobody's supposed to know those facts.

    Sparks: They aren't facts if nobody knows them.

    Vin: How much Vino ya been puttin' back? That didn't make any (bleep)ing sense.

    Sparks: Look, you (bleep)ing mook! I'm saying we need to bump them off!

    Vin: Wait, let me call the Boss.

    Fade to an office high above the mall. This is the residence of "Twenty-Bar" Thomassino.

    20: We've been found out? Oh, great! Look, position hitmen everywhere within a 15-mile radius, and get the guards out in the mall. Those Vals and whoever they told their stories to will perish. If they survive the Mall, they won't survive outside!

    20 lights up a cigar.

    (Cut to much later, as we see the sibs, Wendi, and Callie are ensconsed inside of a McDonald's close to the Maul...)

    WAKKO: Well?

    DOT: (Glances behind a door) Nope...doesn't look like this place is a villain's front like *last* time. (Stretches some employer's face to prove her point) See? No mask...bad skin, but no mask.

    WAKKO: Faboo!

    CALLIE: Well, what do we do now? I doubt that decoy you left at the mall's gonna fool those gangsters for long...

    YAKKO: Will they? (Wiggles his eyebrows...)

    (Zip pan to the mall, where we see that the "decoys" are apparently recycled stock footage duplicates of Wendi and Callie. They're being led by Vin and Sparks back to their HQ, with their fellow goons' guns trained on the two ersatz "Valley Girls"...)

    "WENDI": (Recycled dialogue) SO I was saying, like, y'know!

    "CALLIE": (Recycled as well) Oh, *as if*! (Giggles)

    VIN: The boss is gonna love this!

    SPARKS: Yeah. Um...(staring at the two figures) Is it just me, or do you feel like watchin' some boy band sing redubbed lyrics right about now?

    VIN: You, too?

    (Zip back to the M*ckeyD's...)

    YAKKO: Well, like the lady said, our next move?

    DOT: Well, the *last* time we were called in to help stop a gangster-like figure, we wound up becoming superheroes and travelling to the year 2465 A.D.... (* - in Fastest Mice Alive 2). So who *knows* what'll happen *this* time...

    WENDI: Can't you, like, call for help or somethin'? On one of those cell phones we've seen everyone with at the mall?

    DOT: Help, huh? Hmmm...

    WAKKO: Faboo! We'll have enough characters to re-make "The Ten Commandments"!

    DOT: (Annoyedly) *I don't think so*. (Whips out a cell phone and dials) Hello? Yes, it's me, sweetums....um hm...uh-huh....OK, stop swearing a blue streak for a minute and listen, OK, hon?

    (Cut to a moment later, in Washington DC...we see hanging up the phone is none other than the ex-Harbinger-and-now-Congressman-of-the-Apocalypse/state of Michigan, Axel Foley)

    AXEL: (Bleep) those Warners! Always expectin' me to run all over the place like I've got nothin' better to do... (shrug) But I guess I could use the break while my fellow congressmen are busy debating this tax bill. (To his staff) If anyone asks, I'm going out to California...by way of the FBI office.

    STAFF: The FBI, sir?

    AXEL: That's right. There's some gangster out there that's causing a bunch of trouble, and I want him brought down! I remember that "20" guy from my days as a cop in Detroit, and he ain't getting away with any more hijinks...

    STAFF: What sort of sordidness was this person doing?

    AXEL: You know, breaking thumbs, running rackets...in this case, he was running some big "club drug" ring in 1992. He was dealing X and H, and he managed to knock off 20 kids. You remember?

    STAFF: Yes...

    AXEL: He was definitely makin' a *killing*! Then the DEA blew up his compound...but before then, he was funnelin' the money to some illegal off-shore bank account.

    STAFF: And you learned all this from...?

    AXEL: Those (bleep)in' kids have these two young women who saw enough evidence of what "20" was doin' while runnin' that racket to put him away for a really long time. But they need to stay alive long enough to testify against them for a court! And those gangster (bleep)s are gonna try to bring 'em down anyway they can!

    STAFF: So, their only hope is...

    AXEL: Sending someone out to Burbank from the FBI to help bring those (bleep)s down! Told those kids to stay put for now, until the FBI agent and myself get out there. (Shakes his head) Wait...this better not be "Warner (bleep)in' Academy *3*" already...*awww*....

    STAFF: Very well, then, sir...good luck.

    (Axel exits the office...we cut to the Burbank M*ckeyD's much later, where we see the sibs are busying themselves harassing the workers. Callie and Wendi look very bored.)

    WENDI: When is that "help" going to arrive?

    CALLIE: (Glancing at the hyperactive sibs) Like someone with a dose of *Ritalin*??

    (Suddenly, we see Axel walk through the door...)

    AXEL: No need to fear, a government employee is here! I'm your worst (bleep)ing nightmare...A congressman with a badge and the authority to kick your (bleep)ing (bleep) whenever I feel like it!

    CALLIE: Like, should I recoil in fear or just laugh?

    AXEL: Well, I've brought someone from the FBI to help protect you and bust those (bleep)in' gangsters...

    WAKKO: (Ceasing his harassment mode, along with his sibs) Faboo! Who?

    AXEL: Namely, *her*...(a figure steps forward) I'd like all of you to meet...*Agent Mully*!

    ("X-Files" music plays, as a Gillian Anderson-lookalike figure is seen)

    YAKKO & WAKKO: HELLOOOO, NURSE! (They jump into her arms)

    WAKKO: Remember us? From that Christmas special named after me?

    MULLY: I'm trying *not to*. (Drops them with a look of disgust on her face)

    DOT: Say, Mully, where's your partner?

    MULLY: Sculder said he wanted to go work on other facets of his career...(shrug) His loss, I suppose. Anyway, let's get down to business...we have reason to believe that "20" isn't engaged in his nefarious activities alone. He's planning something *big*, even as we speak...and has obtained resources to help him accomplish that goal. AMong others---(looks at the M*ckeyD workers, who're all glaring at this. Mully shoots a stern look, and they go back to cleaning out grease traps) *Ahem*....I was saying, one of the aides to "20"'s scheme is none other than notorious gangster and former Looney Tunes star---*Rocky*. (Whips out a picture of Rocky and Muggsy). Rocky, in particular, is holding up his end of this gang alliance by having kidnapped 25 hours ago *this* person. Rocky apparently has some sort of grudge against her for some incident in the past in Mexico...and plans on using her vast intelligence as part of some elaborate scheme! This is who he's kidnapped... (Whips out another picture, a photo of Billie)

    WARNERS: (Gasp)

    AXEL: Yeah, how I reacted. If those gangbangers can force her to use her brains to do their (bleep)in' dirty plan, we're all in deep (bleep)!

    MULLY: Exactly. Since this "Billie" supposedly has the intellect of a score of our best geniuses thanks to her genetic modifications, we believe that they may have some sort of technology need...

    DOT: Gee, where are Brain and Pinky?

    MULLY: Her two friends apparently are trying to investigate the disappearance on their own. Brain in particular claimed to be able to find Billie on his own without the need for teaming up with us...or, in his words, "a cast size that would put the number 'googol' to shame."

    WAKKO: Awww....

    MULLY: So we may run into him at some point in this mission.

    DOT: What do we do now?

    MULLY: The objective: find for "20" and Rocky. Find Miss Billie. Stop whatever scheme they may have.

    YAKKO: Goody...another search for an unseen, Shadow-Ensconsed Thug. If we have to run all over the place *again*...

    MULLY: No need. We already have deduced their hideout: in the top floor of a building near the mall. We shall go there and confront Mr. "20" and Rocky in person. If Billie's not being kept there, we'll contact the Brain to see how his search is progressing.

    DOT: (Shocked) You mean...an actual *plan*?! As in, no mindless running around and accumulating useless people?!? (Sits down, and gets a drink of water) I'm not sure I can actually *believe* this.

    MULLY: *Believe it*, sister. (Whips out her pistol, and loads it) Come on, Congressman Foley...we've got a gangster to bring in. And a mystery to solve...the truth *is* out---

    WAKKO: Save the tag lines for later, OK? We've got to see a gangman about a horse's head! (All stare at him) Didn't any of you watch that "Godfather"'s movie?

    DOT: Not this section's writer, apparently...but let's *go* before we wind up accumulating "help"! (Sees the McD's workers approaching) Oh, no you don't... (Yanks a rope, and drops an anvil on top of them)

    AXEL: Little *extreme*, don't ya think?

    DOT: Anything to avoid having to lose more spotlight from me, dear.

    AXEL: Oh, brudder...

    (All exit...)

    Our heroes are riding to the mall in a van emblazoned with the words "Otis Amos' Cookie Factory". On the radio, we hear the soulful sounds of Chaka Khan's "Through The Fire".

    Yakko: So we're on our way back to the mall. Could we stop at Pretzel-la on our way to meet "20"? We'll need sustenance to rub these guys out.

    Dot: Actually, I was leaning more towards getting take-out buffalo wings from T.G.I Friday's.

    Wakko: How about a steaming pot of coffee?

    Dot: NO WAY IN HECK!

    Yakko: Now, now, fair sister. Let us consider the matter. Perhaps if we gave the boy some decaf, he could have a sense of controlled craziness that could prove beneficial in the long run.

    Wendi: Like, what is it with Wakko and coffee?

    Dot: It's a long and rather violent story!

    Yakko: The "highlight" of which would undoubtedly be Wakko going after a girl named Mindy with a chainsaw.

    Callie: Come again?

    Dot: It's kind of like when Yakko used a motorcycle to run over a guy in a Donald Duck costume!

    Wendi: Whoa! Like, ohmilord, what's with the bloodlust?

    Yakko: We'll explain later. Anyway, will we be able to see a mov...

    Yakko is cut off by a police officer's yelling.

    Officer: Stop right now! If you don't stop, we shall be forced to send you to jail!

    Axel: (As the driver, he steps out) What the (bleep)? Don't you recognize me? I'm Axel Foley! I came here 3 times and took down 3 different villains.

    Officer: 3, 2, 1...I could give a (bleep), pickaninny! Fork out your license!

    Axel: What's with the racial profiling?

    Officer: Look, just give me the license!

    Axel whips out a pair of handcuffs, and buckles the police officer.

    Axel: Yakko, Wakko, Dot...Get your (bleep)s out here! Drop the anvil!

    Yakko, Wakko and Dot drop an anvil. It just goes through the officer without flattening him.

    Axel: Um...Plan B! The mallet!

    Wakko whips out a mallet and whomps it on the officer. Once again, it just goes through him, circles under the ground and comes up to send Wakko flying 20 feet away.

    Mully: Dear Lord, he can't be beaten!

    Officer: (In a demonic voice) You'll never catch me! I'm (bleep)ing unstoppable! C'mon, run me over! I dare you, you scumbuckets!

    Yakko: Give the man what he wants!

    All hop back in the van. Axel slams down the accelarator, and aims for the officer. The van goes right through him as he comes out whole on the other end. The same can't be said for the van, which has split in half. The officer hops in his police Ferrari.

    Officer: The name is Matrix. Remember it well! You'll never be able to stop me!

    With this, Matrix jabs a needle in his arm and rides off.

    Yakko: *Matrix"?! How in the name of Cleavon Little did he get back here? Let's drive, and hope that we don't die! Our Lady of Blessed Accelaration, Don't Fail Us Now!

    Our heroes haul, as we fade to the building that Billie's being held in, where we see the gang's van is parked in front of. We fade to the building's lobby, where we see the gang is rushing for the elevators.

    DOT: Gee, I hope we aren't too late....I mean, who knows what those thugs have in store for her?

    BRAIN: (off-screen) I must concur, Miss Warner.

    ALL: *Brain*!

    [They turn around, and find that Brain is running towards the elevators as well...]

    BRAIN: I see we apparently have the same mutual target....let us dispense with the pleasentries and head for the top...

    PINKY: Oooh, does that involve a long middle management career? [Brain whaps Pinky, as all go to the elevators and head for the penthouse floor...]

    [However, when all get to the gangsters' main floor, they're in for quite a shock, as they see that in the office of "20" and Rocky are 20, Rocky, and Muggsy themselves, along with their hired goons, all look like they're being pinned to the floor by some unseen, invisible force...the only one able to walk normally is...]

    ALL: *BILLIE*?!?

    BILLIE: Hey there...

    WAKKO: What's wrong with the bad guys?

    BILLIE: Oh, them? Well, when they wanted me to build a gadget to help 'em rob banks, what they didn't know was that all the parts they ordered enabled me to construct a miniaturized version of an improved version of a superconductive magnetic infindibulator, attuned to their specific genetic patterns. Not my first choice of an escape device, but what're ya gonna do? (Shrugs)

    DOT: So, this means that the baddies are already defeated?

    MULLY: Apparently so. (Radios for backup to come take them away)

    ROCKY: Dis...is....humiliatin'!

    MUGGSY: Daaah....just...like....bein' in jail! Heh...

    ROCKY: Shad...dup!

    WAKKO: Awww, I was gonna hope we'd run all over the place like crazy, have to find the shadowy bad guy and drop Wal-Marts and tanks and bombs and whatever on him...

    YAKKO: Yeah....the whole thing's actually...over?

    BRAIN: Well, I for one am *glad* this outing's shorter-than-usual. At least I've been spared having to engage in most of the usual fanfic cliches...

    [As all begin to celebrate this unusually short Final Confrontation, we cut away from this building, to Warner Bros. Studios in Burbank, some time before this incident happened....we cut to Thaddeus Plotz's office, where we see filing out are the current Kids' WB stars: Virgil Hawkins, Max Steel, Pikachu, Terry McGinnis, etc., apparently having been briefed on the new fall lineup. Terry passes a door marked "Video Editing Room", and makes a face, before shaking his head and moving on...cut to Plotz himself, who's with Lydia Karaoke, Sammy Melman, and a few random minions.]

    PLOTZ: (Gleeful) Yes! Oh, this is too perfect! Our ratings are at their best in years, and the new fall lineup promises *more* of the same! Cardcaptors, Pokemon, Max Steel...it goes on and on! Between our recent AOL merger and those 78 new episodes of Pokemon alone will keep our momentum going for practically *forever*!

    LYDIA: Nice, sir, but there's still one loose business end we should tie up...the *Warners*.

    PLOTZ: (Reading over the episode descriptions for next fall's "Batman Beyond" episodes) What about them?

    LYDIA: Well, over the past few years, since their show's been cancelled, they've been allowed quite a bit of free reign...and with the lack of, ahem, monitoring on our part, they've engaged in all sorts of sordid actions, from blowing up amusement parks and fast food restaurants to engaging in pirate radio broadcasting to consorting with all sorts of vile, unwholesome lowlifes, like that Axel Foley pottymouth!

    PLOTZ: (Still not paying too much attention) Uh-huh....

    LYDIA: Sir, I think it's high time those children were, ahem, imprisoned back inside their Water Tower. With their show in reruns on Cartoon Network and moving to Nickelodeon, we don't see much need to keep them around. And with the merger, you *are* looking to downsize a few employees, yes?

    PLOTZ: (Puts his reading material down) But what about promotional material? We'll need them to promote the occasional released merchandise...and record some promo voiceovers for Nickelodeon...

    MINION: That's the beauty of this idea, sir. We won't need those Warners at all if we have...*THIS*! (Pushes a button, and we see entering the room are the Warners....or something that vaguely resembles them.) With the latest in recycled stock footage technology, we can program these duplicates to do everything they'd normally do! (Whips out a microphone, and speaks into it; the sibs match the mouth movements of the minion) See? They'll do whatever we see...ahem..."hello, nurse"..."faboo"..."I'm the cute one"...

    PLOTZ: My goodness...that's....

    LYDIA: Beautiful? And with a few button pushes, they're primed to promote whatever we want! (Pushes some buttons; they change to Nickelodeon-colored clothing; "Wakko" eats in a recycled manner a "Nickelodeon" colored bar) See?

    PLOTZ: That's *brilliant*! Just think of the savings! And we can finally lock away those troublesome meddlers once and for *all*! Get Ralph in here...have him find those siblings so we can lock them away once and for all! (Begins laughing, as melodramatic music plays...we fade away from this scene, and back to the heroes, who're all celebrating their premature Final Confrontational victory....however, Billie suspects something's wrong...)

    BILLIE: I dunno about this, Eggy....it was rather quick, even for me. I'm sort of afraid that something's gonna happen...

    BRAIN: Such as? You've defeated the gangsters, the police backup are on their way to round them up; what more can happen?

    [Suddenly, the building itself begins shaking; all look a bit concerned]

    WAKKO: Awww, it's the Big One! And I wasn't even prepared to stock up on valuable supplies!

    YAKKO: *I* am... (Leaps into Mully's arms, and smiles)

    BRAIN: I don't think this is an ordinary earthquake...

    [As if to prove Brain's point, we see a figure teleport into the room...it appears to be an alien. All gasp.]

    ALIEN: Greetings. Do not be frightened....

    BRAIN: (Astonished) An *alien*... (steps forward) At the risk of being forward, my name's the Brain, and I'm the predestined future leader of the planet called---

    ALIEN: We are aware of your goals, Mr. "The Brain"...however, it is unfortunate that you will not be able to complete them. You see, while our science is quite advanced, we are always in need of new intellectual bodies...

    PINKY: Do we have to send a resume and cover letter, NARF!

    ALIEN: (ignoring this) ...and we note that such a mind of our desired knowledge is stored in the cranium of..

    BRAIN: (Proudly) Yes?

    ALIEN: ...the Terran female rodent. (Brain sags) Her mental powers are mighty, indeed... (Takes out a scanning device and begins aiming it at Billie; a few beams eminate)

    BILLIE: What the heck do you think you're doin'?!

    ALIEN: No harm, Miss Billie. We have merely scanned your molecular and genetic structure, and plan on making use of the means used to increase your intelligence a millionfold for our...own ends.

    BRAIN: Wait one atomic minute. Are you planning on making yourselves super-intelligent so you can...

    ALIEN: Precisely, Mr. "The Brain". Once our own already-superior intelligence is boosted, conquering other races, including your backwater Earth, shall be simplicity itself. Now, we must be departing for our home planet...

    BILLIE: What?!? No way you're gonna boost your intelligence to mine just so you can...

    DOT: Guess we'll get to break out the anvils after all... (yanks a rope next to her, and an anvil begins to fall towards the alien; however, it goes right through him)

    YAKKO: Aaaah, you wouldn't happen to know some cop, would you?

    ALIEN: Actually, yes... (presses a button; the cop beams into the office. The cop removes his helmet, to stand revealed as...)

    BRAIN: (Shocked/angered) *Matrix*! Or if one prefers, *Dudley Puppy*!

    MATRIX: Yes, it is *I*....returned once more to achieve my ultimate goals!

    DOT: How did you get so big?

    MATRIX: No time to answer your query. Yes, I was the one who's teamed with this race of superior beings... after I returned to this century, I started searching for a way to seek revenge against you for thwarting my goals! While doing this, I managed to make contact with this alien race! They're willing to help me regain my rightful popularity if I help them take over the Earth!

    "20": (Still on the floor) Hey, what is dis?!?

    ALIEN: No concern of yours, human.

    "20": Not when my crime empire's at stake...

    ALIEN: Anyway, we shall be heading for our home planet, with Mr. Puppy in tow. But don't worry, we shall be back...and when we do, I suggest you grow accustomed to Mr. Puppy as the premier ruler/entertainer of this quadrant. (The alien presses a button, and they both disappear from sight. The gang rushes over to a window, to see that the alien's ship is moving away from the building at a rapid clip, before disappearing from sight.)

    MULLY: Oh, if only Sculder could've seen this...

    BRAIN: My goodness...aliens planning to take over the Earth before *I* do! (Flatly) Over my dead *body*... (to Pinky and Billie) Pinky, Billie, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

    PINKY: I think so, Brain, but "Who Wants to Be a Survivor"?

    BRAIN: *No*, Pinky...if we want to save Earth, we must track after those aliens!

    BILLIE: *And*....?

    BRAIN: What do you mean, "and"?

    BILLIE: An ulterior motive?

    BRAIN: (FIdgets) Oh, very well...if we download their wealth of alien knowledge and technological inventions, we could easily take over the Earth for ourselves!

    BILLIE: Natch.

    PINKY: So, um...how are we gonna get them?

    BRAIN: I have an idea...come with me!

    DOT: Where are we going?

    BRAIN: To a certain public storage hangers at the edge of Burbank....

    (They all exit the room...we see that "20" and Rocky are still pinned to the floor. Cut to the hangers, which seem to be the storage areas for various sci-fi movie/TV spacecraft of all types. All ooh and ahh at the vehicles....)

    BRAIN: GIven the size of these objects, the studios decided to store them in these oversized buildings...and there's the one we're after!

    (We see in a "Paramount" section is parked none other than the U.S.S. "Enterprise" itself, specifically the NCC 1701-A from the original movies. All gaze in awe...)

    WAKKO: Whoa...um, but it doesn't really fly, does it?

    BRAIN & BILLIE: (Glance at each other, before replying smugly) Oh, it *will*....

    (Cut to much later...we see that all are inside the ship. We see the siblings, Axel, Calli, Wendi, and mice are in full movie-era Starfleet federation uniforms (a la the ones from parts II through VI). We see Billie is seated in the captain's chair...her hair's done up in a bun)

    BILLIE: (Imitating Capt. Janeway's voice) Realign the power phase inducive couplings. Alter the base quantum singluarity signature. (Glares at the viewscreen) We'll get this ship home in six seasons, or else! (Shakes her head) What the *heck* am I *saying*?! (Makes a face) Well, thanks to Brain and my efforts, this thing's spaceworthy...let's get it off the ground! Are navigational systems ready?

    YAKKO: Ready!

    BILLIE: Weapons?

    WAKKO: Ready! (Wields a mallet)

    BILLIE: Communications?

    DOT: Ready! (Has a cell phone stuck in her hand)

    BILLIE: Um...Pinky?

    PINKY: Ready! HAHAHA!

    BILLIE: Helm?

    AXEL: Ready...

    BILLIE: Engineering?

    BRAIN: (At a nearby station panel) Ready....

    BILLIE: Extra passengers?

    WENDI, CALLI: Like, ready....NOT!

    WENDI: This like, geeks me out.

    BILLIE: (SHrugs) OK, Axel, let's roll!

    AXEL: Yeah, yeah... (Pushes a few buttons)

    (We see the ship begin to take off from its moorings...it staggers a bit, before blasting away from the hanger at a fast clip...within moments, it's in orbit around the Earth....another push of the button, and it soon enters warp...)

    (Cut back to the Warner Bros. studios...Plotz looks furious)

    PLOTZ: (Yelling at Ralph) What do you mean, "they're astronauts"?!

    RALPH: Daaah, when I looked for dem, they took that Enterprise ship-thingy a-a-and almost ran me overs, or somethin's! (Pull back to see Ralph looks rather disheveled) See?

    PLOTZ: Of all the nonsense...how are we supposed to go after them *now*?! Of all the bungling...

    RALPH: Daaah, don't we a ship thingy too?

    PLOTZ: (Realizes something) Wait...of *course* we do! (To Lydia) Lydia, call maintenance, and tell them to pull the attack cruiser from "Star Warners" from out of storage....it appears we'll have to go after those siblings ourselves! (Ducks under his desk, and emerges in his Darth Vader-like getup from that episode)

    LYDIA: Yes, *sir*... (Mutters) A trip into space wasn't what I had in mind *today*...

  2. #2
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    (Cut to the hanger where it's stored...we see the ship interior is fully staffed. WIth Plotz, we see Lydia, various minions, and Dr. Scratchensniff himself...)

    SCRATCHY: Oh, why must I wear this costume again, sir? It doesn't fit well at all...

    PLOTZ: Quiet, Scratchensniff! Once we get those siblings, we'll be able to have them out of our hair once and for all! (SCratchy feels his head, which of course is hairless) Er...sorry. Anyway, begin to move it out! Engage thrusters!

    (We see the mighty cruiser emerge from its hanger, before winging its way away from the ground and heading into space, after the heroes....)

    (Cut to "20" and Rocky, as we see they've finally freed themselves from the floor...)

    ROCKY: (TO a janitor that pushed the button deactivating Billie's device) Thanks fer releasin' us, bub!

    JANITOR: Dah, sure, no prob...(exits)

    "20": Now what'll we do? They're probably halfway across the galaxy by now! We've got to get those two girls, or *else*!

    ROCKY: And me gettin' my hands on dose mice. Don't worry, bub, I think I can figure out how to go after dem...follow me...

    MUGGSY: Daaah, where to, Rocky?

    ROCKY: I'll tell youse on the way...

    (The gangsters all exit quickly, before the cops can arrive...dramatic music plays)

    "20", Rocky and Muggsy, decked out in sunglasses and tourist clothing head into the ACME Arcade. George Benson's 1982 hit "Turn Your Love Around" plays softly in the background.

    Muggsy: Oh, boy! The ACME Arcade! (Whips out 4 quarters and puts them on a Pac-Man console) Daah, *next game*!

    Rocky: No time, Big M! We have ta track down those Warner punks!

    Kid: Thanks for the quarters, dummy!

    Muggsy: Daah, why'd we come in here, then?

    "20": Because we're getting the space vehicle...and there it is!

    Heavenly beams of light surround a simulator. Rocky, Muggsy and "20" push little kids out of the way to hop in the simulator.

    "20": Sorry, kids! Look, if it's any consolation, there's a big sack of quarters between the "Terminator 2" and "Guns 'N' Roses" pinball machines. Take what you can get! It sure as (bleep) won't last long.

    While the kids rush over to get some coinage, the door of the simulator slams down as the windows slide down.

    Rocky: In-i-ti-a-ting launch se-quence...10!

    Muggsy: 9!

    "20": 8!

    We pan to the back of the simulator, where our 2 favorite cartoon squirrels are talking.

    Skippy: Isn't this an awesome ride, Slappy?

    Slappy: Oy, my arthritic back! I can't take it much longer! For the love of Steve Perry, can't I get a massage over here?

    "20", Rocky and Muggsy: Blast-off!

    The simulator launches through a wall, circles the outside of the Maul, and then flies to the skies at 600 miles per hour. As the simulator flies upward, 2 agents in denim jeans and muscle T-shirts quietly make their way from a back panel.

    Agent 1: Thank goodness we bought those operator keys along!

    Agent 2: (Looks and is voiced by "Terminator 2"'s Linda Hamilton) It was awfully cramped back there!

    Agent 2 and Slappy: I need a massage! (Alarmed) Who said that? (Turning to face each other) Who are you?

    Slappy: I'm Slappy Squirrel, cartoon veteran, "Animaniacs" co-star and expert on explosives!

    Agent 2: I'm Joanie Rushton, BHPD! This is my partner, Morris Day!

    Slappy: Wait! 2 things! First, the Morris Day who worked alongside Prince and had hits with his own group, The Time?

    Morris: Yeah! I got tired of hardly working, so I decided to become a Police Officer!

    Slappy: That sounds sickeningly familiar! Second, why are you here?

    Joanie: Well, Morris and I were at 31 Flavors, having some shakes and deciding what movie to see. I picked up on my Walkie-Talkie a conversation about killing off 2 women, some mice and these people named the Warners!

    Skippy: Are you joking?

    Joanie: Does the Pope (bleep) in the woods?

    Morris: We also learned that said people were going into space for reasons that I didn't catch. Either way, "20", Rocky and Muggsy were out for some ink-and-blood. We launched a quick examination of all possible vehicles in the mall.

    Joanie: The one vehicle that had space capabilities is the one we're riding in right now.

    Morris: We were looking for a little extra help, and you and your nephew are the right people for that job, Ms. Squirrel!

    Slappy: Obviously. Boy, you have to love these cartoon contrivances, but c'mon...even *I* know some flippin' simulator can't go into space! (Reads a tag on the back, which reads "Property of NASA", with NASA partially scratched out and "Sleazo Arcades" pencilled in) Eh, maybe it *can*... (Realizing) And besides, we're stuck in a rocket with Tweedledee and Tweedle-dummies at the helm...that's it, we're outta here!

    SKIPPY: Awww, we're not going to go where no squirrel has ever gone before? (Makes sad, huge eyes)

    SLAPPY: Aw, fer Pete's sake! All right, we'll go help out those flippin' Warners...I could use a chance to blast somethin' on a galactic scale, anyway. C'mon, Skippy...we're gonna go after 'em in our *own* vehicle...(Opens a window in the back of the simulator/rocket, opens her umbrella, and jumps out. Skippy grabs onto her legs, and the two begin floating downward a la Mary Poppins. However, Slappy soon notes that Morris and Joanie are hanging onto Skippy's legs...)

    MORRIS: Oh, can we go with you? *Pleeeze*?!? If word got out that I were to actually go into space, my career would be more than dragged out of the 99 cent record bin at the music stores!

    SLAPPY: Yeah, whatever. I could use a few lackeys to run things on board...*THE BICENTENNIAL VULTURE!*

    (Cut to that sprawling facility seen under Slappy's tree in "Critical Condition". We see a giant dock, and seated upon it is a rather "Star Wars"-esque looking space vehicle. We see Slappy and Skippy are in their "Star Warners" clothes, while Joanie and Morris are dressed like C3PO and Chewbacca, respectively.)

    MORRIS: This is *humiliating*....

    SLAPPY: Hey, it's my new rule: any pointless, extra characters that wanna tag along behind me and steal the spotlight have gotta do my biddin'. Of course, if ya wanna back out and not experience the *thrill* of space travel...

    MORRIS: (Panicked) No! I mean, yes! I mean, I wanna go! My career---er, I mean, your *friends* need the help!!!

    SLAPPY: Good. Climb aboard...and bring those cases of diet walnut cola. I might get thirsty along the way.

    MORRIS: Yes, ma'am. (Hefts the cases, which prove to be heavier than they look.)

    JOANIE: Um....what do you want me to do?

    SLAPPY: Hmm...you can, uh, dust the weapon array! (Hands a duster to her) There ya go....be careful. I've got enough arsenal on this baby to pulverise a planet into an asteroid belt, heh, heh...

    JOANIE: No prob... (whistles as she boards the ship...Morris merely grunts and groans, straining to lift the crates as he boards the vessel as well.)

    [We see the door close, and the Bicentennial Vulture revs up its engines, and takes off....on ground level, we see that the exit for the ship is Slappy's garage door. It zooms out of the garage, grazes a few trees, before taking off into the sky, and into space...]

    [Cut to Plotz's star cruiser, zooming through space...we see he's deep in thought.]

    PLOTZ: (Speaking a la Darth Vader through helmet) Hmm...those Warners will be a tough one to find. The galaxy is huge. They could be anywhere...we'll need some sort of guide, or, dare I say it, bounty hunter to find them. Yes, that'll work...we shall stop off at one of those seedy interstellar bars you see in sci-fi movies, hire the best hunter they have, and *he* shall do the dirty work for us!

    SCRATCHENSNIFF: Excellent idea, sir!

    PLOTZ: (Still as Vader) *Good*...because I want *you* to be the one who hires him. (To the helm) Helmsman! Locate a backwater-looking, class "M" planet...where there's civilization, there's always bound to be---

    SCRATCHENSNIFF: ...um...agriculture?

    PLOTZ: (Vader-voice) *No*, you fool! Where there's highly advanced civilizations, there's always bound to be...*A SEEDY BAR*!

    SCRATCHENSNIFF: Oooh, right. Sorry....

    [Cut to some time later, on a nearby seedy, backwater class "M" planet with an equally seedy bar...we see inside are the usual variety of alien lifeforms seen in sci-fi shows. Seated in a corner, we see Scratchy's talking to someone...]

    SCRATCHENSNIFF: And so, we thought it'd be really nice of you if you'd hunt down and bring back for us these three naughty, naughty children! Um...you won't be too rough on them, right?

    FIGURE: (Speaking gravelly) Eh, don't make me retch, ya fraggin' bum...I'll bring 'em back *gift wrapped* fer how much you're offerin'...

    SCRATCHENSNIFF: Oooh, goody! Now come on, let's get going, Mr. Bounty Hunter!

    FIGURE: (Annoyed by Scratchy's sarcasm) Yeah, yeah....(he steps out from his shadow, and we see it's none other than....*Lobo*!)

    LOBO: Better pay da bill... (leaves a check on the table...the waiter grabs it, but sees it's really hooked to an explosive wire, leading to the outside and Lobo's bike exhaust pipe. Lobo steps on the gas, which sends sparks out the pipe, and ignites the fuse...we soon see the whole bar explode...from the cruiser, Scratchy looks at this on a viewscreen with Plotz and Lydia (dressed in Queen Amadala gear) He shakes his head)

    SCRATCHENSNIFF: Tsk, tsk, tsk....oooh, I hope that Mr. Lobo isn't too rough on the Warners. Especially after the way he used me as a lawn dart when I first approached his table...(feels his nose) *Oww*, it smarts!

    PLOTZ: (Vader-voice) Spare me your pain, Doctor...you've done excellent work. We shall await Lobo's return with those wretched siblings....and soon, they shall be entombed in their water tower, and replaced by *recycled stock footage*! (Laughs)

    [Dramatic music plays, as cut to Lobo zooming through space, to find the Warners...]

    [Cut to the "Enterprise", as an A! version of the "Star Trek" theme song plays...the ship's cruising along at warp speed.]

    BILLIE: (Voiceover) Captain's log, stardate 2001.2...we are currently attempting to find the location of the aliens and Dudley Puppy, bent on taking over Earth, but I find myself having..."difficulties"...with the crew...

    [Cut to the interior of the ship, to see Billie seated in the captain's chair, with Axel at the helm...]

    BILLIE: (Standing, pulling on her uniform a la Capt. Picard) Status report, Mr. Foley?

    AXEL: (Wearing a VISOR a la Geordi LaForge) No sign of the (bleep)in' aliens...or that mutt they were with! (Removes the VISOR) Get this hairband off my face, ya (bleep)in' (bleep)!

    WENDI: Like, sor-*ry*...no need ta use bad language...

    AXEL: Oooh, like you should talk...(imitates Wendi) "I, like, flunked third grade english, or something, since, like, there's no other words in my (bleep)in' vocabulary besides "like" and "you know""...

    WENDI: Oh, that is like, *so* cold. I'm out of here....

    CALLI: Me, too....oughta be something to do on this ship besides watching the geek police at the helm.

    AXEL: Go ahead and go, ya lousy (bleep)in'....

    BILLIE: (Sigh)... *science station*, anything to report?

    BRAIN: Er...nothing just yet. Long range sensors indicate nothing of note. (to Pinky, who's amusing himself with a keychain-sized tricorder a la "Star Truck") *Pinky*! Cease playing with that device!

    PINKY: Oooh, but it makes really neat noises! And it's capable of scanning for intelligent life! (Turns it towards himself) Hmm...doesn't seem to be working right...

    BRAIN: (Flatly) Don't bother running down the batteries, PInky. Now listen. In one of the cargo bays, I've brought with us a large supply of the key to our conquest of not just Earth, but possibly the galaxy as well!

    PINKY: Naaarf....um, is it "Pokemon" thingies?

    BRAIN: Nooooo...

    PINKY: Um.... butterfly ballots?

    BRAIN: Nooooo....

    PINKY: Um....pants?

    BRAIN: (Sighs) Pinky, I feel that your head and the vaccuum of space have much in common. Now pay attention: I have brought with us a huge supply of...*AOL startup disks*!

    PINKY: (Gasp) Egad!

    BRAIN: Don't worry, I don't plan on utilizing them to sign on to AOL's subpar ISP service. I have taken the liberty of reburning them to encode them with a program designed to log on to my *own* ISP: "Earthrule"! A plethora of services that no alien culture will be able to resist, revolutionizing communications across the galaxy! The alien lifeforms will be so grateful, they'll be *willing* to pay my requested monthly fee of a portion of their world's scientific knowledge. And with that knowledge, I can easily take over *the world*! And possibly, the *galaxy* to boot!

    PINKY: *Naaaarf*....

    BRAIN: So, whenever we make contact, I want you to hand out copies of these disks to whatever alien lifeform you see!

    PINKY: Aye, aye, sir! TROZ!

    BRAIN: We should be fortunate in this case for this aspect of the AOL-Time Warner merger...obtaining an ample supply of AOL startup disks was child's play. Now then, let us go to the cargo bay, and prepare for distribution!

    PINKY: Oh, goody! I'll tell them the first 50 hours are *free*, HAHAHAHA!

    [Brain sighs, and the two mice head for the turbolift....Billie rolls her eyes at Brain's plan...]

    BILLIE: *AOL startup disks*...(shudders)

    WAKKO: I'm hungry...can we stop somewhere for some food?

    BILLIE: While I'm sure that Eggy's pleased by the thought, I really doubt there's any McDonald's81 out here in space, Wakko. But we do have a ship mess crew....just go down to the galley.

    WAKKO: Gee, thanks! (Heads for the turbolift, along with Yakko and Dot)

    [Cut to the galley...we see the sibs enter. The ship's cooks are none other than...the Worms from "Men in Black". They all bid the sibs hello.]

    YAKKO: Hmph, guess Billie couldn't find anyone else to hire...

    WORM #1: Oooh, guests!

    WORM #2: Company....

    WORM #3: Need appetizer?

    WORM #4: Something to drink?

    WORM #1: Perhaps....*COFFEE*?! (Whips out a big cup of joe)

    WAKKO: (Eyes light up) *COFFEE*?! Why, I'd love a cu--

    DOT: (Slaps her hand over his mouth) Eh, he'd love a cup....of *decaf*.

    [The Worms look at each other, before spitting in disgust]

    WORM #1: *DECAF*?!

    WORM #2: Yuck!

    WORM #3: What are you, some sort of health freak?

    WORM #4: Disgusting!

    WORM #1: (Shrugs) Eh, we'll see what we can do...

    DOT: (Grins broadly) *Great*...and just send up a big tray full of food to the bridge when you get the chance, OK?

    WAKKO: (Annoyed) Mmm-mff! Mff!

    WORMS: No problem! (Whip out "How to Cook, Galatic Edition", and begin running around the kitchen, muttering "Need 1/8 cup of flour"..."where's the vanilla?" ... "how do you boil an egg?")

    DOT: Don't worry....we'll find something else to do....

    YAKKO: Yeah....hmm...let's go check out the rest of the ship!

    WAKKO: Mmmf!

    [The sibs exit the galley...moments later, we see them bouncing through the ship's interior randomly, annoying various hired extra crewmembers and the like...they enter the medical ward, but are soon booted out.]

    MINERVA: (Dressed in Nurse Chapel's uniform from the original "Star Trek") And *stay out*!

    YAKKO: Aww, we just want a checkup.... I'm suffering from a lack of....babes. (wiggles his eyebrows)

    MINERVA: (Makes a face) Ughh! Beat it!

    WAKKO: (Spits out some popsicle sticks) Blech...someone ate all the ice cream! And those little white balls taste like *cotton*!

    [The sibs shrug, before taking back off on their little rampage...they pass various crewmen, including lookalikes to Lt. Uhura, Ensign Chekhov, and Scotty. They soon burst back out onto the bridge, wielding water guns...one splash hits Axel, who utters an explitive, before whipping out a pen from his D.C. office, and squirting it at the sibs...they keep firing at each other, until Billie, who's been reading a PADD, notices this, and whistles loudly. All freeze in place]

    BILLIE: (Annoyed) *AHEM*! (The sibs line up in front of her, along with Axel) All right, I want to know....who started this fight? ...*Yakko*?

    YAKKO: (Saluting) Not me, *ma'am*!

    BILLIE: All right... (slyly) *Wakko*! I'm sure you started it!

    WAKKO: (Talking like Chekhov) Not *me*, Keptin!

    BILLIE: (Sighs) Very well, then...clean yourselves up at once!

    WARNERS: Yes, ma'am! (They do a spinning motion, drying themselves off...pan over to see that Mully and Axel didn't fare as well.)

    AXEL: (Slow burn) I'm...going...to...(bleep)...ing....*kill*....them.

    YAKKO: What, and risk not being re-elected? You're the one who ran on a cartoon character friendly platform!

    DOT: Yeah...think of how that'd look to the voters 4 years from now, come re-election time....

    AXEL: (Groans) It was an empty threat, ya (bleep)s!

    WAKKO: Your threats meant something *before*?

    (Axel begins banging his head against a wall....the sibs shrug)

    Cut to a room in the back of the ship. Posters of Duran Duran and The Fixx adorn this place. Wendi experiments with suspending hairspray in space, while Callie just looks out the window. The Escape Club's 1991 hit "I'll Be There" wafts through the background.

    Callie: (Sighing) Like, is there more to our lives than this? Space is even more...more...

    Wendi: Like, it's totally indescribable!

    Callie: I look at this vast sea of stars, and I imagine stories for all of them!

    Wendi: Like, then you'd be a totally awesome screenwriter!

    Callie: (Giggling) Good one, totally! But in total seriousness, life has been rather unkind to us. Makes you wonder what the use is in living!

    We pan over to see Dot listening in on this conversation. Looking slightly troubled, she taps on the door.

    Callie: Like, if it's Axel, take your vulgarian lunacy to, like, a totally different quadrant...No pun intended!

    Dot: No, it's Dot!

    Callie: Like, how's it going, Cute One?

    Dot: (Curtseys, then straightens up) So...tough times, huh?

    Callie: Yeah! We've been thought of as freaks and idiots since our capture.

    Wendi: We've been trapped for a long time, and now that we're out, we feel like we don't fit in.

    Callie: The world just forgot us.

    Wendi: You ever feel that way?

    Dot: Definitely! Kids WB wiped our show off the slate...You know the WB network?

    Wendi: We may have been trapped in a mall for 9 years, but we've kept totally abreast of cultural developments.

    Dot: OK! So here me and my siblings are. We were a part of Kids WB's foundation. We were revered by critics and the culturally astute, but rather ignored by what the WB higher-ups thought our target audience. In late 1998-early 1999, a seizure-inducing kids show from Japan called "Pokemon" was becoming a phenomenon in syndication. Kids WB picks it up, and like that, the Warners are playing second fiddle in commercials to mindnumbingly repetitive mutant...creature...whatever the heck they are. It was doomsday for us. Besides that, the "Great" minds at the WB teamed up Pinky and The Brain with Elmyra from "Tiny Toon Adventures". That was a bad end for the mice. Luckily, we still have Internet writers keeping our adventures continuing...Make of that what you will.

    Wendi: The main reason why we're depressed is that insulting hot-head Axel Foley. He has this ability to hurt people to the max. We're capable people. Why do we always get made fun of?

    Callie: Sure, we have a few quirks, but doesn't everybody?

    Dot: Look, if it's any consolation, you can come to me if you have problems or doubts. I can also act as a liasion between you and Axel. If we're going to defeat the villains, we need to be on equal ground with each other. I gladly offer my services to help you.

    Dot extends her hand. Callie and Wendi's hands touch Dot's.

    Dot: Now onward to better associations!

    Dot, Callie and Wendi walk proudly out the door as we cut to Lobo, who's streaking through space, trying to find the Warners' ship...

    LOBO: Ah, beginnin' ta have second thoughts 'bout dis here job thingamajig...can't find a single sign of those three..whatever-they-ares...anywhere! [Looks at a photo Scratchy handed him of the Warners] Feh... (tosses it behind him) Gotta be here *some---eh?

  3. #3
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    LOBO: Ah, beginnin' ta have second thoughts 'bout dis here job thingamajig...can't find a single sign of those three..whatever-they-ares...anywhere! [Looks at a photo Scratchy handed him of the Warners] Feh... (tosses it behind him) Gotta be here *some---eh?

    [His bike's scanner picks up a signal...the screen reads "Lifesigns: Three Puppy Children On Board"]

    LOBO: (Smiling) Oooooh, *yeah*.... [Heavy metal music cranks up in the background, as we see zoom towards Our Heroes....]

    [Cut back to the "Enterprise", where we see everyone's back on the bridge, with Axel staring down Calli and Wendi....]

    DOT: OK, Axel, sweetheart, what do you have to *say*?

    AXEL: Ah....I'm sorry...

    DOT: That's better...

    AXEL: ...that I ever left my cushy office to be runnin' around the galaxy with these (bleep)in' (bleep)s?!

    WENDI: Oh, oooh, *no way* you called *us*---

    DOT: Whoa, calm down, here....now then, I'm sure you'll all work this out peacefully...

    AXEL: Hmph. Not unless there's some sort of pointless and mindlessly violent fight scene that forces us all to work together to save each other's skin....

    DOT: (Moaning) *NO*! For the life of you---we were going so *well*! I thought this outing would actually *break* from those stale old fanfic cliches until *you* had to say that!

    AXEL: Oh, please...what could hap---

    [Suddenly, the ship begins shaking, as if hit by some sort of energy blast; we see everyone being tossed about the bridge]

    BILLIE: *Red alert*! [The red alert alarms/signals begin going off] Status report!

    AXEL: (Tapping some buttons on the console) Looks like we took a hit from some (bleep)in' thing or other!

    DOT: I *knew* it...(sighs) I give up. Bring on the ninja-thugs....the Shadow-Ensconsed Villains...the gratuitous, extra characters that'll make this thing look like opening day crowds at Wrigley Field....

    MULLY: (Staring at a scanner) Um, guys? It's not any of those..it looks like some sort of starship.

    DOT: Really? *Not* ninja thugs?!? (Ecstatically pumps her fists) YES! (All stare at her) Oh, yeah, right...imminent doom and all that.

    [Another blast hits the ship, causing it to rattle yet again]

    BILLIE: Wakko, man the weapons! Fire photon torpedos on my mark!

    WAKKO: Um....he's *your* mark? But I thought you loved Pinky...

    BILLIE: (Sigh) Just fire when I say so.

    WAKKO: [Making one big eye with his face] Eye, eye! [Eyes go back to normal; Wakko stares at the control panel] Hmm....lessee...Oooh, I know! [Presses buttons madly at random]

    DOT: That's your battle strategy, Wakko?

    WAKKO: Um....yeah. Why?

    DOT: Because *I'm* the one who's great at pushing buttons randomly! Scoot over! [Wakko shrugs, and lets Dot press buttons wildly with him; Yakko soon joins in]

    [From in spsce, we see that the ship being fired upon is none other than the Bicentennial Vulture...we see inside that vessel an angry and irate Slappy Squirrel...]

    SLAPPY: I told you not to press those buttons!

    MORRIS: "Launch"? But I was hungry, and thought it said....

    SLAPPY: [Wielding a bomb] Say that older-than-even-*me* joke and *die*, ya stinkin' has-been...

    MORRIS: Hmph. Spoilsport. [The Vulture rattles yet again with a blast from the Enterprise]

    JOANNE: Um, got an idea of what to do about this, Slappy?

    SLAPPY: Well, thanks to "launch" boy here, I thought I'd fire back.

    JOANNE: [Raising an eyebrow] Which is what you wanted to do *anyway*, yes?

    SLAPPY:Um...yeah. C'mon, Skippy---it's clobberin' time!

    [The two squirrels begin firing back at the "Enterprise"....onboard, we find the sibs are still firing away...a particularly hard blast rocks the ship.]

    BILLIE: [Annoyed] OK, mystery vessel....we'll find out who you are. Hail them, Miss Warner!

    DOT: [Listening into her cell phone receiver] They aren't picking up! All I'm getting is the answering machine...

    BILLIE: [Frowns] Then I guess there's no choice but to take---*EVASIVE ACTION*! Mr. Foley, bring us around, maneuvering thrusters only!

    [We see a shot of the "Enterprise" coming about in one of those neat-looking turns we see on "Star TreK: TNG", turning to face the Vulture]

    AXEL: Now what?!

    BILLIE: [Ponders; then grins slyly] Hmm....we *could* execute something called the *Picard maneuver*---

    BRAIN: [Sternly] As second officer, I must say that if you even *think* of suggesting *that* "maneuver", I'll be forced to take command of this ship, and put you in the *brig*. [Frowns]

    BILLIE: Geez, lighten up, Eggy....I was just kidding. [The ship is rocked by yet another phaser blast]

    BRAIN: [Rolling his eyes] And what a fine time you pick to jest, at that.

    COMPUTER VOICE: Shield strength down to 2%...

    YAKKO: (Mimicking Scotty) She canna take much more of this, Cap'n!

    WAKKO: Oooh! OOh! I know! I've got it now! One really good button that'll finish 'em off! [Points to a button marked "Final Confrontation-Strength Blast"]

    [Cut to Slappy's ship...]

    SLAPPY: OK, if this doesn't finish 'em, *nothin'* will! [About to push a button marked "Final Confrontation-Level Blast"] Heh, heh...

    [Suddenly, the Vulture's crew hears the voice of Dot come through the communications array...]

    DOT'S VOICE: Hey, you losers! Pick up, already! Do you hear me?!? Pick up before we blow you to bits faster than---

    JOANNE: [Picks up] We hear ya! [To Morris] Told you not to set the machine's ringer to "answer at the 12th ring".

    MORRIS: Hmph....

    SLAPPY: Hey, Dot? That you?

    DOT: Slappy?! [To Wakko] Hold your fire!

    WAKKO: Awww...

    SLAPPY: Well, looks like we found 'em. Hey, how about lettin' us four come aboard? Besides, we're outta cola.


    BILLIE: [Does a pointless, gratuitous lengthy pause with a stern look before answering a la Capt. Janeway] *Do it*. Axel, lock a tractor beam on their ship! Transporter room, beam four directly to the bridge!

    [We soon see materialize on the bridge the Vulture's foursome...]

    SLAPPY: Woo, nice starship ya got here...

    BILLIE: Thanks. Mr. Foley, would you escort them to the galley? I'm sure they'd appreciate a nice meal.

    AXEL: Why me?! Do I look like some (bleep) Welcome Wagon?!? [Billie sternly stares at Axel] Yeah, yeah, Captain.... [To the four] Follow me. [They exit, with Axel mumbling under his breath...]

    YAKKO: (Overhearing a few words about the Captain) (Childishly) Ooooooh, I'm *tellin'*....

    AXEL: (Off-screen) I *HEARD* THAT!

    PINKY: Egad, Billie! You're really getting the hang of this Captain thingy!

    BILLIE: Yeah, I guess I am... this is kind of fun! And the uniforms are more comfortable than I thought!

    BRAIN: Nice to see you're enjoying being in command.

    BILLIE: Hey, we drew straws, remember? You're second-in-command...so no moaning! Besides, don't you have that plan of yours to carry out?

    BRAIN: Hmm...good point. With those two extras that Slappy and Skippy were with, I can hand them a few disks to hand out once we arrive on the aliens' world! Come, Pinky.... [the two mice exit]

    WAKKO: Boy, all that button pushing's *really* made me thirsty....um....[Begins moving towards the turbolift] Um...thinkI'llgetsomecoffeeguysbye! [Before he can get to the turbolift doors, he sees Dot and Yakko are standing right in front of him. Wakko screams]

    DOT: Hated to resort to..."this"...but you left us no choice, young man.

    WAKKO: Can't I have even a *drop*?! I mean, it's been *years* since I went on that eating spree...and maybe it doesn't even apply to being in space!

    DOT: Sorry. Can't risk it. You can have anything else, though.

    WAKKO: (Perks up) Really? First one to the kitchen....starves! [The three scramble for the turbolift doors, and exit the bridge....]

    We now cut to the simulator, cruising through space rather dazedly. Panning inside, we see Muggsy at the controls, listening to the Linda Ronstadt/Aaron Neville hit "Don't Know Much".

    Muggsy: Daah, all those hours of playing "Space Invaders" did me good!

    Rocky: This song typifies you in the span of 4 minutes!

    Muggsy: You're so kind! (Singing the ending off-key) I don't know much/But I know I love you/And that may be all I need to know!

    Rocky: (Muttering) Idiot! (Speaking up) Howyadoin', "20"?

    "20": Bored as (bleep)! Do we have any idea where those Warner brats are? I can't comprehend myself, because all this spinning and looping is making me as dizzy as that starlet I was dating back in 1983!

    Rocky: Which one was that?

    "20": You know, the one with Morgan Fairchild's face, Carol Alt's figure and the hair of Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark.

    Rocky: Your mind must have blurred them together. You never dated a woman who was a synthesis of all that. You did date all 3 of those women individually, though.

    "20": Too bad I can't get any female companionship out here. Say, since we'll be up here for a while, do you know of any intergalactic newspapers that have personals?

    Rocky: I quote that Mr. Hand fellow when I say "What are you people? On dope?"

    "20": Watch who you're calling a dope, (bleep)face!

    Muggsy: (Singing off-key again, this time to Peabo Bryson's hit "If Ever You're In My Arms Again) Daah, if ever you're in my arms again/This time I'll love you much better/If ever you're in my arms again/This time, I'll hold you forever...

    Cut to Lobo's bike. Listening to a CB radio, he picks up the criminal ship's signal, only the voices end up sounding like the Warners. Lobo checks his radar.

    Lobo: (Popping open a root beer) Yo, bum rush the show! I gotta go with what I know! You Warner punks are mine!

    Lobo cranks up Pat Benatar's song "Cool Zero" as he swoops and glides on his way to find the simulator. He ducks space debris and finally zeroes in on the simulator. Tossing out some ropes, he anchors his bike to the simulator, climbs up the rope, and crawls in through a hole.

    Lobo: By the powers vested in me by the higher-ups at Warner Brothers, I now pronounce you under my possession!

    "20": (Turning around) Who are you, and what are you talking about?

    Lobo: Wait, you're not the Warners!

    "20": (Deadpan) Give the man a bubblegum cigar! He has the gift of sight! Hallelujah!

    Lobo: I don't take kindly to sarcasm! Well, now that I'm here, what are you doing?

    Rocky: We're hunting down the Warners, just like I believe you were!

    Lobo: What's it to ya?

    Rocky: We might as well consolidate our resources, and team up!

    Lobo: Um...okay! But the bike stays. (Lobo whips out a blaster) Comprehend?

    "20": (Timidly) Okay!

    LOBO: (Shoving aside the crooks, he looks around the interior of the simulator/rocket) Who-ho-hoa! Talk about yer pieces 'a fraggin' crud here! *I'm* not stickin' around in dis piece a---

    MUGGSY: Daa-haaaa, you mean ya aren't stayin'?

    LOBO: I'll stay with ya...may as well have *some* fun on this stinkin' job. (Climbs back on board his bike, with the chains still attached, revs up the engines, cranks up Three Doors Down's "Kryptonite" song on his radio, and blasts ahead at a high speed, dragging the rocket with it...the rocket hits various pieces of space debris, as Lobo gives an "ooooh, yeah!" at the top of his voice. Inside the simulator, the gangsters are yelling in terror.)

    LOBO: (Notes the song) Hmph...that wuss Supes gets a whole song written about him?! Gotta get me a better agent...even though the last one blew up real good. (Chuckles) Heh, heh... (Looks ahead) All *right*! Asteroid belt, dead ahead! Time to play some galactic dodge ball...

    (Revs up hsi bike, and begins weaving in and out of the various asteroids, dodging them all; the rocket/simulator isn't faring as well...)

    ROCKY: Dis bum is makin' me angry, Muggsy. I'm not a nice guy when I'm *angry*.

    MUGGSY: Daaah, me, neithers, Rocky!

    "20": Well, I guess you can carry out that anger once we get our hands on those two girls...(worried) That is, if we survive the *ride*...

    MUGGSY: This is fun, Rocky! Just like the amusement park!

    ROCKY: (Whaps Muggsy on the head)Ah, shaddup!

    [We cut away from this scene, to the "Enterprise" once more....it's slowed down from warp, and is travelling at impulse as it enters a solar system...]

    MULLY: This mission doesn't seem to be going very well. We don't seem to have any idea of where those aliens' ship went. They could be anywhere in the galaxy...

    DOT: Well, we could stop somewhere and ask for directions...

    YAKKO: Naaah, we should just keep on going.

    DOT: Hmph....men. (Yakko frowns)

    BRAIN: (Reading a viewscreen) Billie...

    BILLIE: *Ahem*!

    BRAIN: (Flatly) *Captain* Billie.... long-range sensors indicate there's advanced life on the class "M", fourth planet from this system's blue sun. They may be able to assist us on our mission. (To himself) And *mine*...

    BILLIE: Really? Hmm...good point, Eggy. Let's check it out. Prepare to beam down a landing party! Park this ship in orbit around that planet, Axel!

    AXEL: No problem...

    [We see the "Enterprise" enter the planet's orbit...soon, we cut to the transporter room. Brain, Pinky, the Warners, and Axel are on the pad. All are carrying "original series" Star Trek-style communicators, tricorders, and phasers (in the mice's case, keychain-sized ones). We see Axel is hoisting a huge bag, and not too pleased-looking.]

    AXEL: Why do I have to help you with your (bleep)in' stupid plan?!

    PINKY: Um...because you're bigger than we are and can carry that stuff? NARF!

    AXEL: Woo, there's a great reason...at least I'm glad when we hailed that planet, those natives were *friendly* and wanted to see us in person. Was expectin' the usual stupid "Star Trek" (bleep) where they'd act all hoity-toity and high-falutin'...no class, like, well....us.

    DOT: *Some of us*, anyway...(the sibs giggle)

    BRAIN: Energize!

    [The transporter operator does so...soon, the landing party is beamed down onto the outskirts of what looks like a large city. They're greeted by two blue-skinned, humanoid aliens with antenna on their heads.]

    ALIEN: Welcome, my friends, to Weisinger-4! I am the leader of our people...you may call me "Kingy", (Laughs).

    PINKY: HAHAHAHA! OOoh, that's *funny*! NARF!

    KINGY: Oooh, "narf"! What humorous language!

    BRAIN: (Long moan) Um, "Kingy", may we commence with discussing business?

    KINGY: But of course! Walk this way, my friends... [They begin walking, but soon, Brain notes something feels amiss...]

    BRAIN: Quite odd...for some reason, I feel rather full of...vitality. Almost like a jogger's high...

    PINKY: Really, Brain? I feel more like how great I felt after eating those crackers awhile ago...

    BRAIN: Those were *isolinear chips*, Pinky, *not* crackers...

    AXEL: (Annoyed by the bag) Stupid lab rat makin' *me* do all the work...that's it, I'm not carryin' this any further! Here, you wanna carry it---carry it *yourself*!

    BRAIN: What th---?! (Axel sets the bag down on Brain hard, to the dismay of Pinky and the others...)

    DOT: Oh, *Axel*, Axel, Axel...whatever are we going to do with you? (Grins slyly at her brother)

    WAKKO: (Holding up a bar of soap) Well...

    AXEL: (Gulps) Heh, heh...

    [The sibs begin moving in towards the Cursing One, but stop, as they see an astonishing sight...Brain is somehow hoisting the entire bag of reburned AOL disks over his head!]

    BRAIN: What th---?! (Astonished) My word....

    WAKKO: Brain! How did you do *that*?!?

    BRAIN: I'm not sure...but I feel so---*mighty*.

    PINKY: (Off-screen) Hey, everyone! Up here!

    (They all look upward, and see that Pinky, of all things, is hovering above the group)

    PINKY: Look at me! I'm *flying* like a birdy! Birdy, birdy, birdy! HAHAHAHA! (Zooms over the group, grazing their heads)

    AXEL: Holy (bleep)! How the (bleep)--?!?

    BRAIN: (Now hoisting the sack with one hand, and whips out his tricorder with the other; he studies it with great interest) Hmm...according to this, I've deduced that the unique blue sun radiation of this planet's particular sun, combined with the gravitational pull being lower than the Earth's, have combined to give us what appears to be phenomenal superpowers!

    AXEL: Really? Hmm... (Tries leaping into the air, and finds that he can fly as well) Holy (BLEEP)!

    WAKKO: Faboo! I wanna try!

    DOT: Me too!

    YAKKO: Me three!

    (The sibs also launch themselves airborne...)

    BRAIN: Apparently, it only applies to anyone from the planet Earth, and not from any other world. And we'll only stay this way as long as we *are* on this particular world...the minute we leave it, we'll go back to normal. (Sees Pinky laughing)Or something vaguely *resembling* it.

    KINGY: Goodness....this is different. And rather interesting. Hmm...perhaps in exchange for helping you locate those particular aliens you want to look for, you might wish to use these talents to aid us in a few things?

    BRAIN: Aid you? Hmm....(sees the AOL disk bag, and points to it) In exchange for you taking some of our fine, Internet software, your highness, we'll be honored!

    KINGY: Fine with me! Just walk with me---oh, I'm sorry, I'll walk, you'll fly! (Laughs oddly, with Pinky laughing as well)

    BRAIN: (Blank look) Um..yes.

    [We soon see none other than---yes, kids, the Fanfic Montage Sequence! We see scenes of the super-powered group using their powers to aid the citizens of Weisinger-4 in various ways: Brain aids the construction of an observatory using his strength, flight, and heat vision, while Pinky builds a small playground from leftover building materials nearby. We cut to a scene of Brain constructing an improved irrigation system from a nearby river for drought-stricken farmers on the far side of the planet, along with Pinky building a small playground for the farmers' children. Cut to a shot of Brain saving a hover-transport full of Weisingerian schoolchildren from plummeting off the side of a cliff, while Pinky builds an *improved* playground for them at their school. Meanwhile, during all this, we see what the sibs and Axel are up to: distributing to the Weisingerians Brain's "Earthrule" ISP startup disks...that, and harassing various denizens (and Axel) all the while. Soon, we see the group are regathered on a giant podium at the world's capital building, with a huge crowd swarmed out front.]

    KINGY: [To the crowd] Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to thank these fine Terrans for aiding us in the most useful ways! Or more specifically, the ones known as Pinky and the Brain! [To the sibs and Axel] Er, sorry, you four, but, well...we don't like being harassed by that...what did you call it? "right...behind...them?"

    DOT: (Flatly) Nice going, guys....

    YAKKO: Sor-*ry*.

    [The crowd cheers, with chants of "Brain!" "Brain"! "Pinky!" "Pinky!" heard. Brain looks elated and surprised by all this, while Pinky blushes and waves shyly at the crowd.]

    KINGY: Oh, if only these fine two could stay...they surely could do our world so much good...

    [Brain's eyes widen, and he grabs Pinky by the arm]

    BRAIN: Um...can my associate and I speak to each other in private for a moment?

    KINGY: Why, sure! [The sibs look at each other and shrug, while the mice duck behind a curtain, to the sounds of the chanting crowd]

    BRAIN: Pinky....are you pondering what I'm pondering?

    PINKY: I think so, Brain, but---Linda Hamilton wasn't on the $10 bill...

    BRAIN: *No*, Pinky! Think! We've got this whole world eating out of the palm of our hands...they adore us, and our efforts! With my intelligent and your...playground building skills...we could be worshipped like *gods*!

    PINKY: Um, I dunno, Brain...we're supposed to be stopping those aliens and that Dudley Puppy person from taking over the Earth so you can take it over, remember?

    BRAIN: Well, I...uh....

    PINKY: Now, Brain...you know we can't stay here. We've got magazine subscriptions that need reading on Earth, NARF!

    BRAIN: But this is everything I could want. Why bother trying to take over the Earth, when thanks to the aid of some bizarre combination of lighter gravity and this world's sun, we've been granted phenomenal powers---*and* have become an instant hit with the populace?! Besides, we could always take over the Earth some point in the future as well...(hears the crowd chanting)...uh....eventually.

    PINKY: But the Warners....Axel...*Billie*....won't they miss us?

    BRAIN: Well, uh...[Shuffles his feet] I'm sure that Billie might be willing to stay...

    PINKY: I dunno...besides, you have to stop Dudley from winning!

    BRAIN: Can't we do that later? Or come back here *after* we take care of that task?!?

    PINKY: But...I'll miss the Earth....Tony Danza....the yellow sun and moon...and green clovers...and purple horseshoes! (Begins sobbing) Oh, Brain...are you going to throw away all that just to stay *here* in who-knows-where?!? Or are you going to come back to Earth with me and, uh....eat cereal?! *TROZ*!

    BRAIN: (Sighs)(Thinking) Hmm...this world adores me...but Pinky refuses to leave Earth behind to stay here. And that means Billie won't want to stay here, either. [Silently gazes over the crowd, as they continue to chant his name; Brain looks at the floor, sullenly...]

    BRAIN: (Low voice) Pinky?

    PINKY: (Uncertain) Yes, Brain?

    BRAIN: (Low voice) Tell the king...we can't stay.

    PINKY: (Joyous) Oh, *goody*! NARF! I knew you wouldn't want to stay on a world where you'd have demigod-esque powers! (Hugs Brain tightly)

    BRAIN: (Moaning) Pinky....super-strength...bones...ack!

    PINKY: Ooh, right, sorry, Brain. ZORT! (wipes away a tear) Let's get going!

    [Brain and Pinky walk back out to the stage...]

    BRAIN: (To Kingy) Your majesty, your kindness, and your people's kindness, flatters me greatly...however...(looks at Pinky) I'm afraid we can't stay. I trust you understand...

    KINGY: Of course....your friends are on Earth! Your life, your magazine subscriptions...

    PINKY: See?

    KINGY: I'm sure it's all for the best....though we *won't* forget you. (To the crowd) People of Weisinger-4! I hereby proclaim this great day, "Brain Day"! (to some lackeys in the audience) Bring on the statue!

    BRAIN: Statue?!

    [We see a giant sheet at the back of the crowd; it's removed, to reveal a giant statue of Pinky and Brain, towering several stories above the crowd. Brain looks elated....]

    BRAIN: People...we thank you for the kindness. But now we must be going...(walks to the sibs, but remembers something) Oh, and don't forget...to utilize those "Earthlink" disks we've given all of you! (Grins; whips out his communicator, and orders to beam the six of them up...)

    [Cut to a shot of the ship, as it leaves orbit....]

    DOT: (to Billie) Well, before my siblings caused even more humiliation with a certain spatial distortion gag...(the boys grin sheepishly) I found out the location of those aliens we're after! The King says they're pretty ruthless, and will do anything to rule the known galaxy. (Hands Billie a piece of paper) Here's where they live...

    BILLIE: (Takes the paper) Great! Helmsman, set a course, 231 mark 38!

    AXEL: Yeah, yeah.... (mutters) I get superpowers on some planet, and all I get is bein' bugged by those (bleep)ers....

    WAKKO: Hey, it wasn't all bad...um...I got to, uh....er...gee, guess we didn't do anything special with those powers, did we? (Begins sobbing) And now they're gone...gone *forever*! (Sobs some more)

    DOT: (Pats Wakko) There, there....I'm sure it'll be all right in the morning...as soon as you get something to eat from the galley....

    WAKKO: (Stops crying) With little chocolate sprinkles?

    DOT: Sure...c'mon, let's go....

    (They exit the bridge...Brain looks at a viewscreen showing Weisinger-4 receding into the distance. Pinky and Billie walk over to him.]

    BILLIE: Pinks told me what happened...and I'm sure ya did the right thing, Eggy. I'd rather stay on Earth, all things considered...and as cool as *this* star hopping is. Besides, the notion of getting superpowers based on being on a planet with a different-colored sun and lighter gravity is really *weird*....

    BRAIN: I suppose you're right. Perhaps someday, I may return...as the ruler of not just Earth, but the *galaxy*....

    BILLIE: (Shrugs) Maybe....

    BRAIN: Come, Pinky...let us go sort through the other Earthrule disks some more....

    PINKY: OK, Brain, NARF! (The two exit...)

  4. #4
    Captain Caps is offline Member
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    Cut to "20"'s ship.

    Muggsy: (Singing off-key...again) Baby, come to me/Let me put my arms around you/This was meant to be/And I'm oh so glad I found you...

    Panning to the back of the ship, we see "20" covering his ears, Rocky pulling his hat further down over his face, and Lobo perusing a copy of "Wango Tango-Ted Nugent's Magazine For Real Men!".

    Lobo: I'm sick and tired of listenin' to light jazz filtered through density. Can I get...

    Rocky: (Deadpan) a wha-wha/shout-outs to all my n(bleep)s who don't got none/Players without guns?

    Lobo: Look, Sly! Ya don't got the skills to pay the bills. That makes me ill. Don't tell me to chill. I'll break your legs and shatter your spine. Got my hand on my double-barrel reverse spin Tech-9!

    Rocky punches up a website on a computer he bought along.

    Rocky: Alright! C.B Sheets, do your duty!

    Note: C.B Sheets is an intergalactic archive of C.B conversations and other communications updated by the second.

    Rocky listens in on the Starship.

    Yakko: How do we get to 231 Mark 38?

    Dot: Practice!

    We can faintly hear a rimshot in the background.

    Dot: We're just 110 miles away, and with the speed on this baby, we'll be there in no time!

    Callie: Like, don't say that! That cupcake I ate totally didn't agree with me! Darn worms!

    Wendi: Like, Second in the Spew Department!'

    Rocky: This command will be like explaining tolerance and acceptance to an Eminem fan! (Turns to the front) Muggsy, could you pull up the radar?

    Muggsy: (Singing off-key) I'm looking for a new love, baby/A new love/Yeah, yeah, yeah...

    Rocky: Like talking to a fraggin' brick wall! (Rocky moves up front and pulls up the radar himself)

    Lobo: Excellent! They're just 30 planets away! Let's motor!

    "20": Um, this thing only goes 1000 miles per hour!

    Lobo: (Bleep)! Alright, here's what I'll do...I'll go out, crank up the bike and we'll catch up with them in the blink of an eye...as it were!

    "20": Thanks, Lobo! You're a pal!

    Lobo: Look, just get me a root beer, alright?

    We cut to the Bicentennial Vulture. Skippy and Joanne are the only ones doing real work, while Slappy and Morris are knockin' back Walnut Soda.

    Morris: So then I call for my mirror, and I find that he's playing the slot machines. I do it myself, the audience boos, and the management of the Wonderbar Casino, Ranch and Cheap Car-wash fires the group.

    Slappy: Ow! Reminds me of the time when I worked on the cartoon "Those Endearing Young Armed To Kill", as directed by Bibby Killchink. I objected to the script, they fired me, and I had to talk to J.L to get me back to the studio.

    Morris: Tres painful! Let's see what's on TV.

    Slappy: Do they air "Family Ties"? Boy, Michael Gross was a handsome fellow, wasn't he?

    Morris turns on the TV. On the air is "Universe Of News". A reporter resembling Mary Hart, except for the green skin and 3 eyes, comes on.

    Reporter: And now, from Earth, we have celebrity reactions to the "20"-Warner-Elimination-Battle-In-Space, or 20WEBIS.

    In succession, the following celebrities commentate.

    Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark: I hope "20" gets burned. We go out to dinner, he orders meat, I order veggie, he sues me for being a vegetarian! Shallow cad!

    Carol Alt: I like those Warners. Knowing that they're in space and kicking butt is awfully calming...despite Yakko and Wakko jumping all over me at the premiere of "Last Action Hero"!

    Joan Rivers: Oh, can we talk? The stories I could tell you about "20" and Heidi Abramowitz...

    Leonard Nimoy: Why did those "Simpsons" writers have me order a hot dog? Oh...Warners in space! Keep up the good work!

    Moon Unit Zappa: (In Valley Girl gear) So, like, I'm getting my hair done and, like, this lady says that, like, two Vals disappeared! I heard they went to space, and, like, I said "That makes them total space cadets"! Like, somewhere, drums totally crashed! Freaked me out!

    Prince: This story is 2 freaky 4 my own good. No comment.

    Andrew "Dice" Clay: This whole story is as (bleep)ing stupid as this chick who was su...

    Gonzo: I went into space and didn't get much publicity at all! Well, I'm going on vacation to Florida. Maybe they'll crash-land there.

    Morgan Fairchild: I don't drink or smoke, and I'm threatened at knifepoint by these thugs! Don't go to the Maul!

    Richard Belzer: I'm glad I live in France. I'd come up with explanations, but I'm too (bleep) tired. Later!

    Eminem: Axel Foley is a (bleep)ing (bleep)ot. I have proof, just like that 40 I drink before I beat up my wife. Oh...stop homophobia and support shelters for the abused! (Turning off-camera) Are you happy, (bleep)hole?

    Lorne Michaels: Axel, come back soon! "SNL" needs you! (Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey, the current "Weekend Update" anchors walk by)

    Tina: Yeah, that sketch was poor! At least we're better than "MAD TV"!

    Jimmy: Oh, people could argue that! A lot of people, like those dingbats over at jumptheshark.com.

    Martha Quinn: Far more riveting than MTV today! Britney Spears? Gag me?

    Boy George: Will the Maul be destroyed? I always go there for my eyeliner!

    John Taylor: Me too, in case I decide to rejoin Duran Duran!

    Billy Idol: Can you leave me alone? I don't care about this subject!

    Ted Nugent: Lobo is the man who will bring bigger guns to space! Awesome! Hey, buy some beef jerky and join the NRA!

    Bugs Bunny: This story is too looney! Did I drink too much carrot juice or did you say that the Warners are in space?

    We cut back to the reporter.

    Reporter: Yes, we did! Stay tuned for more as the story develops. We now return you to "Night At The Romulus" with special guest host Chris Rock!

    Cut back to Slappy and Morris.

    Slappy: You got any more soda, Time Boy?

    Morris: No!

    Skippy: Here's some more soda. Hey, Joanne, how close are we to 231 mark 38?

    Joanne: 25 miles! Let's just hope that the aliens or whatever don't have those lame morphing capabilities! It was good in "Terminator 2", but that latest Sideshow Bob episode of "The Simpsons" used said technology poorly, and as the butt of a lame joke.

    Skippy: Speaking of lame jokes, put the B.V in overdrive and let's move!

    The Bicentennial Vulture zooms off as we cut to...

    Brainatra: "CB Radios", Caps? Even in the 80's, it was pretty dated/passe (more of a 70's fad)... :-)

    "110 miles"? "110 light-years" might be more appropriate, since this is space and such (in terms of distances, 110 miles is pretty much nothing :-)

    Cut to Captain Caps.

    Caps: Excuse me for being born, Brainatra. God, I hate being made a fool of.

    Cut back to the Enterprise and the Bicentennial Vulture, flying side-by-side, as they're homing in on the planet of the aliens/Dudley Puppy's newest hideout...zoom in on the senior staff's meeting room on the "Enterprise", where the heroes are seated at a table, with Billie standing on top of it...

    BRAIN: Axel, Yakko, Wakko, Dot, Calli, Wendi, Pinky, Billie, and Mully...we're approaching the planet the Weisingerians say is called the "point of no return"...the "world without a soul"....the most despised, ruthless sector of this quadrant of the galaxy---the central planet of the race known as the Alliance! The Alliance apparently has been making efforts to expand their rule across the galaxy, and with the aid of the mental power boosting they gathered from Earth, they'll make that effort an easily-realized reality, if we don't stop them. Now, then... [Steps on a button; a viewscreen at the front of the room displays an image of the Alliance's homeworld] Our mission must be to stop them before they can use the stolen information and prevent whatever mechanizations they have to take over the galaxy as a result.

    PINKY: (Waves his hand) Oooh! Brain! Should we put that bad puppy Dudley in the pound, NARF?

    BRAIN: Capturing Dudley *would* be an added bonus, and if so, we shall put him in the ship's...."pound". Or *brig*, as it's usually called. Now, once we arrive at the edge of Alliance space, some of us shall transfer to the Bicentennial Vulture, where with the aid of Slappy and her crew, we'll venture to and land on the Alliance's homeworld. There, we'll seek out and destroy that wretched mutt and alien's plans! Those that stay on the "Enterprise" will be backup. If the Alliance launches an attack, or manages to detect us, you'll be backup. Now, any *intelligent* questions?

    YAKKO: Darn...he anticipated that old line with that "intelligent" adjective...

    WAKKO: I was gonna ask if he minded us humming the "Mighty Mouse" theme song when he had superpowers....

    BRAIN: The answer to *that* one is, *YES*, I minded... [Presses another button; a map shows both ships are near the edge of Alliance space] I shall lead the departing team to beam over to the Vulture... I'll be needing three volunteers.

    WARNERS: (Waving hands wildly) Oooh! Ooh! Me! Me!

    BRAIN: Let's see...those three shall be: Pinky, Billie, and Mully. (The sibs pout) I want the Warners, Axel, and you two girls to stay here..got it?

    CALLI: Like, what-*ev*.

    [The group all split...cut to the Vulture moments later. We see the mice and Mully are seated on the bridge. Slappy and Skippy guide the ship into Alliance space; Morris and Joanie aren't seen.]

    PINKY: Um, where are those two people you were with, Slappy?

    BRAIN: They're going to help me hand out more of those startup disks once we land, Pinky. All part of my brilliant plan!

    PINKY: Naaarf.

    BILLIE: I sure hope those guys are watchin' the ship OK....

    [Cut back to the bridge; the Warners are busy dancing to mambo songs, with the boys dressed like mariachi players and Dot like Carmen Miranda. Axel and the two girls are nonplussed.]

    AXEL: What the heck do you (bleep)s think you're doin'?!

    DOT: Having fun....you know, when the mouse's away, the children do...play? Or something like that.... (the sibs do a conga line around the bridge; Axel merely rolls his eyes...cut back to the Vulture, as it zooms to the Alliance homeworld's planetary surface.)

    SLAPPY: Hey, Skip....remember to jam their signals, OK?

    SKIPPY: Gotcha, Aunt Slappy!

    [Skippy presses a button on the top of the ship, and we see a giant mechanical hand emerge from the Vulture, with a jar in its hand; it plops giant globs of ACME-brand grape jam on two nearby satellites, allowing the ship to pass through undetected]

    SLAPPY: (Checking off a list of jokes) Lame joke #4,375...

    MORRIS: (Still dressed like Chewbacca) And you told me *my* jokes were tiresome...

    SLAPPY: Nobody's paying you to think, Wookie-boy...now get ready to land. We've got some explorin' to do...

    [We see a shot of the Vulture swooping over a stretch of jungle, in which the Vulture touches down; the mice, Mully, Slappy, and Skippy emerge from the ship.]

    SLAPPY: Joanie, you're in charge till we get back. Keep an eye on "launch"-boy there...

    JOANIE: No problemo... [to Morris] Hey, "launch"-boy, as long as you're in charge, fix me a hoagie, wouldya?

    MORRIS: (Sighs) How this is going to help my career, I don't understand....

    JOANIE: If you *did*, you wouldn't be stuck wearing that Wookie-suit, bub. Guess we can hand out these disks of Brain's to whoever lives in this swamp after I'm done eating. (they go back into the ship)

    [The mice, Slappy, Skippy, and Mully depart....]

    BILLIE: Set phasers on "stun", everybody. We don't want to be caught with our pants down in case of trouble.

    MULLY: Well, in my case, it's more of your standard-issue pistol....(takes it out of its holster)

    PINKY: But Billie, we don't wear pants! (Realizes he's wearing his Starfleet uniform) Oh, wait, we *are*....um, never mind then...

    BRAIN: (Moans) Let's just keep moving....

    [Cut away from all this, to...the imperial cruiser of Plotz, which is still cruising along....Plotz looks annoyed at not having heard back from Lobo.]

    PLOTZ: (With his Vader-helmet on, in Vader-voice) Blast that bounty hunter! We haven't heard back from him at all...Scratchensniff!

    SCRATCHY: Yes, sir?

    PLOTZ: Where is he?! I want to know---*NOW*!! Those Warners should've been in our custody by now....

    SCRATCHY: Well, sir, he does have his...ahem...own way of doing these things. Maybe he's still...uh...looking?

    [Suddenly, a beeping noise is heard at the ship's helm]

    MINION AT THE HELM: Sir, we've found them....

    PLOTZ: The Warners?!?

    MINION: Well, actually, that bounty hunter...in fact, he seems to be *very* close....*too* close....

    [We suddenly see, smashing through a wall, is Lobo's bike, with him towing behind them the gangsters in their simulator/rocket...Lobo comes to a stop.]

    LOBO: Hey, boss-man! How's it goin'?

    PLOTZ: (Vader-voice) Ah, Lobo....the esteemed bounty hunter. We were discussing you. Now then, just one question: (Plotz-voice) WHERE ARE THOSE WARNERS?!?

    LOBO: Hey, keep yer shirt on, rich-boy...I just picked up their fraggin' signal on my bike. They're at least 110 light-years away from here...uh.... (points his finger in a direction) Thataway!

    LYDIA: (To the helmsman) Prepare a course to...(flatly) "thataway". (The helmsman does so)

    PLOTZ: (Vader-voice) Excellent work, Lobo...I believe I had been too hasty. Once we arrive at the Warners' ship, you will proceed to capture the Warners, and you *will* bring them to *me*!

    LOBO: No prob... (gets off his bike, tosses some minion out of his chair, and sits back in it...) Ahh....

    [Inside the rocket/simulator, Rocky, Muggsy, and "20" watch all this with awe...or at least Rocky and "20" are. Muggsy is still singing that annoying old pop song. Rocky get annoyed, prompting him to yank the tape out of the player, unravelling it, and stomping it into bits on the floor. Muggsy looks disappointed.]

    "20": You see? This is what we needed...not some galactic equivalent of a *Pacer*...what a ship!

    MUGGSY: Ah, think they got shuffleboard?

    ROCKY: Shaddup, Muggsy....we'd best introduce ourselves, and tell helmet-head that we're gettin' a piece of dis action... (Opens the door, and get out, with pistols pulled) OK, wise guys...no smart moves, or you'll all get it!

    PLOTZ: (Vader-voice) Who *dares* intrude here! *Lobo*, who are these guys?

    LOBO: Oh, just some losers I picked up...ya want me to frag 'em to bits?!

    "20": Hey, you said you were going to be on our side!

    LOBO: Naw-uh.... (scratches himself and belches).

    PLOTZ: (Vader-voice) Tell me why I should spare your miserable lives.... (the gangsters look around, to see that they're surrounded by stormtroopers with laser rifles) *NOW*!

    ROCKY: (Grinning sheepishly) Er....nothin' we can't work out, fellas. Now then, we were after dese two girls who're with those Warners. Give us the girls, and, er....no one'll get hurt.

    PLOTZ: (Vader-voice) Two *girls*?! That's all?! Hmmm...well, perhaps I was a bit hasty. Very well, then, after we capture the Warners, those two girls are yours....

    MUGGSY: Daah, that's real nice of yahs!

    "20": Oh, yes....real nice! Yeah! Yes! Umm.....

    PLOTZ: (Vader voice) Guards...release them. (They do so) Now, let us proceed for a confrontation with those annoying children...their freewheeling days are *numbered*! (Laughs maniacally, as does Rocky and "20"....we see the imperial cruiser zoom off towards the direction of the Warners...who, as we see, are still doing the mambo on the bridge.)

    CALLI: Um....remind me again: you guys have done this protection thing before, right?

    DOT: Don't worry....we stopped *Axel* from bringing on Armaggeddon.

    AXEL: Hey, it wasn't Armaggedon, it was the Apocalypse....world of difference. Get your facts right next time, ya (bleep)in'....

    WAKKO: (Sees a blinking light) Hey, guys, I think there's a ship coming towards us...

    AXEL: Really? (Looks at a control panel) Whoa...this sucker's huge! Whatever the (bleep) it is, it'll be an even match for this thing in a fight!

    WAKKO: ANother pointless starship fight? Faboo! (Runs to the weapons station, as do his sibs)

    DOT: We're being hailed....hailed, but not fully welcomed. [Punches a button, and we see Plotz, Lobo, the gangsters, Lydia, and Scratchy's faces on the screen]

    CALLI & WENDI: (GASP)! The *gangsters*!!!

    PLOTZ: (Vader-voice) Ah, the Warners....we have found you at last. We've been looking everywhere for you, and now that we have you, we will put you away.

    DOT: Did you know your sentence sounded a bit grammatically redundant?

    WAKKO: And it wasn't very well-spoken, either....

    PLOTZ: (Vader voice) Enough of this! (opens his helmet)

    WARNERS: *Plotz*!

    PLOTZ: (Normal voice) Time for you siblings to go back to your tower---FOREVER! We're replacing you with recycled stock footage doubles. More cost effective, less trouble for us, and most importantly, no more of *you* giving us trouble! Lobo---get them, *and* those two girls!

    [Lobo is teleported directly to the main bridge of the "Enterprise"]

    AXEL: Now just a (bleep) minute here....no way you're gonna lay a hand on these (bleep)ers!

    LOBO: Oooh, harsh words, little man. Ya wanna back 'em up?

    AXEL: Yeah, I'll back 'em up with my *fist*, ya (bleep)in' (bleep) (bleep) (bleep)!

    DOT: Um, Axel....(cautiously) Lobo's tangled toe-to-toe with *Su-per-man*...

    AXEL: Uh...really?

    WARNERS: (Nodding) Uh-huh...

    LOBO: So, I'm...uh....all those words, huh? (Yanks a chair out of the floor, and tears it in half, as heavy metal music plays)

    AXEL: Um....maybe .....that is, I...uh... (Lobo picks Axel up, walks over to a wall, and slams his head through, leaving him stuck in it)

    WARNERS: Oooooh....

    YAKKO: That has gotta hurt.

    AXEL: (Yelling loudly) Mmmf! Mm! FFF! MM! (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP)!

    DOT: Just be glad he didn't throw you through a plate-glass window, Axel....(sees Lobo approaching) Um....not that that won't be the most preferable option once he's done with us!

    YAKKO: Suggestions!

    DOT: Anvils...what else? (Yanks a rope that appears next to nowhere, right by her; an anvil clangs down on Lobo's head, but doesn't seem to have any affect besides making him rub his head.)

    YAKKO: (Gritting his teeth) Hoo-boy...OK, now what?

    DOT: Well, if that made him rub his head, then maybe a really big one will---(sees a control panel reading "Anvil supplies depleted") Great. What now?

    WAKKO: Um....I know! Heh ,heh....

    [Lobo walks towards the sibs, but feels someone poking him on the back; he turns around, to find the sibs are standing behind him somehow. Lobo doesn't scream,however, but keeps marching towards the sibs in their new location....the heavy metal music gets louder and louder...he grabs the two girls as he passes them, and continues to move in on the Warners.]

    DOT: So much for that brilliant solution....

    WAKKO: (Shrugs) Well, I tried.

    LOBO: But not *hard* enough, Ringo. Time to pound you three into inkblot *pate*!

    [The siblings gulp]

    [Just as LOBO is about to smash YAKKO, WAKKO, and DOT, however, he recieves a light slap on the back of his neck. He turns and finds himself looking into the face of an alien version of comedian Joe Besser. The Besser alien has one big yellow eye, four arms with tentacle fingers, lavender skin, and neck gills.]

    ALIEN [in Besser voice]: You do, and I'll give you such a pinch!

    LOBO: Who're you supposed to be, Pinky?

    YAKKO [aside]: I think even the villian is confused by the number of names in our Brobdignagian cast. [DOT and WAKKO nod exuberantly.]

    ALIEN: I'm the--the head security officer on this ship...you crazy! [gived LOBO a light slap on the chest]

    LOBO: Like a glorified bar bouncer, huh? [grins broadly; seizes the fat ALIEN OFFICER] Then let's see how well you *bounce*! [proceeds to abuse the ALIEN OFFICER, who respinds by whining, "Ow, not so hard! My contract says no rough stuff, you meanie!"]

    YAKKO: Eehhhhhh...funny as it is watching authority figures get bounced around like basketballs, I think we'd better cut this short ahora.

    [Zip pan to the corner, where a caricature of NICHELLE NICHOLLS removes her headset.]

    N.N.: Were you addressing me, commander?

    YAKKO: No, no, no. I was saying "ahora", not "Uhura". Yeesh, did nobody here take high-school Spanish?

    [DOT and WAKKO shake their heads and mumble negative responses.]

    YAKKO [put two fingers in mouth, whistles]: Hey! Hulk Hogan!

    LOBO [pauses beating up on guard for a moment, looks around]: Where? I want a piece of that old buzzard too! He ripped off my bad boy good looks a few years back, and me and him got to sit down and [punches fist into hand] talk about a little something called "copyright infringement"!

    YAKKO: You're in luck, Lobotomy! I'll take you back to Earth right now. [eyes lever on the wall] Via the express route! [jumps into the air, does a Michael Jordan 360-degree turn, and bops the button. The air lock whistles open, and LOBO is sucked out into the void of space. He grabs the door jamb, strains, and looks furious.]

    LOBO: Son of a fragging space slug! I don't believe I got schnookered by a bunch of monkeys! I don't know whether I should respect you or disembowel yoooooou.... [the last word is delivered as a drawn-out whoop as he is sucked into the void. LOBO barrel-rolls through the darkness until he's out of sight, shrieking "Wheeee!" and "Hot dang!"

    [YAKKO closes the air lock, and the sibs sink to the floor breathing a sigh of relief. AXEL, who has been busy with his skull in the wall, enters stage left, passing the ALIEN OFFICER, who is murmuring about "crazies" and "meanies".]

    AXEL: [bleep]! My head ain't hurt so bad since my junior year of college! [looks around] What happened to Gorilla Grodd?

    YAKKO [whispers]: Lobo.

    AXEL [shouting]: I know that! I was trying for an insult...you know, saying he looks like a big ape...and smells like one...with the...and... [bleep] it! [looks around again] I need my coffee!

    [The COFFEE WORMS enter with four cups on a tray.]

    WORM A: Here you go. Four cups of joe.

    WORM B: Three reg, one decaf.

    WORM C: For the love of Juan Valdez, why don't you just drink out of the chemical toilet? [hands WAKKO his cup]

    WORM D: That'll pick you up.

    WORM A: Lay you right back down, too.

    WORM C: If you need anything else--

    WORM B: --cookies, honeybuns, biscotti--

    WORM: --just call down to the galley. Adios!

    [The WORMS exeunt.]

    AXEl: Man, they are creepy little boogers!

    YAKKO: Yeah, but-- [sips coffee] --they work for coffee beans.

    [Cut to ROCKY and MUGSY, who are watching LOBO from their rocket ship simulator.]

    ROCKY [sighs]: Good sweet Lucky Luchiano, I knew that big palooka would bottom out. C'mon, Mugsy. You and me got to devise a plan that will insure no foul-ups.

    MUGSY: Gee, Rocky, can't I stay here and play with the cassette player some more? I found some Cheech and Chong comedy tapes in the glovebox. Them guys is a riot!

    ROCKY: Button your jib, idjit.

    [MUGSY reaches up and fiddles with his mouth. When he removes his hands, there is a huge cartoonish button holding his upper lip to his lower.]

    ROCKY: That joke wasn't funny when Chuck Jones wrote it forty years ago, and it ain't mellowed wit' age. [bops MUGSY in the gut, popping the button free] Now open them dirty ears. This is what we're going to do. [hoarse whispers, punctuation by MUGSY's stupid nods and "uh-huhs"]

    [Cut to the middle of the jungle, where BRAIN, BILLIE, PINKY, SLAPPY, and SKIPPY, are plodding through the underbrush. SLAPPY is using her umbrella as a machete.]

    SLAPPY: If those washed-up rock stars diddle with the dials on the Vulture's radio, they'll be looking at a couple of bombs where the sun don't shine.

    SKIPPY: Spew! That's mean, Aunt Slappy!

    SLAPPY: Just how long have you known me, kid?

    SKIPPY [point taken] Point taken. [to the mice] Aunt Slappy can be a real crab when she doesn't get her daily AM talk radio fix.

    SLAPPY: What can I say? Paul Harvey's voice is like a lullaby. Beats the blazes out of barbiturates.

    BRAIN [visibly irked]: Why do I associate myself repeatedly with this juvenile squirrel and his borderline homicidal surragate mother-figure?

    BILLIE: Think of it as familial loyalty, Eggy. After all, mice and squirrels, both being rodents, are distant relations.

    BRAIN [looks with disdain at SLAPPY and SKIPPY]: Not quite distant enough.

    PINKY [worried]: Not so loud, Brain. you'll hurt that kind, sweet, grandmotherly grey squirrel's feelings. [Pan to front, where that "kind, sweet, grandmotherly" figure hocks a loogie into the weeds and then digs at her nose with her little finger]

    BRAIN: Yes. We wouldn't wish to do that. [aside] If not for her sake, than my own, as I've seen how she conducts herself when she feels insulted or hurt. [shudders]

    [Suddenly overhead, a loud explosion is heard, similar to air sucked suddenly from a glass bottle, and a bright light shines in the oddly-colored sky. All look up but SLAPPY.]

    SLAPPY: 'Scuse me. [realizes that wasn't her; looks up too.] For the love of Emil Sitka! What is that coming our way?

    [Cut to where the source of the bright light is coming from...namely, our story's oh-so-clichedly-unseen villains, the Alliance Alien leader and Dudley Puppy/Matrix...they're seated in a citadel-like structure at the other end of the jungle, just over the horizon. A bright searchlight on a large crater just outside the building....we see the two villains looking downward to see what it is: namely, the crash-landed Lobo, who was sent hurling all the way from the Alliance border to the homeworld. Lobo looks dazed...]

    LOBO: Awww....man. What a headache...must've been some *wild* party! (Looks around, remembers what happened) Whoa..those lousy freakin' Warners landed me on this here rock! When I get my hands on them, I'm gonna....

    [Suddenly, he sees various Alliance minions swarming him with laser rifles....]

    LOBO: Heh, yeah, right. Tell me why I shouldn't frag you guys right now...

    [An alien female steps forward, dressed like the typical Star Trek-original series type of alien female...Lobo starts gaping...]

    FEMALE ALIEN: (Sounding seductive) Because, you're our next chosen warrior for the great games, that's why...

    LOBO: (Aroused) Who--hoo--hoo! If you're there, babe, *I'll* say they're great!

    ALIEN MINION: (Snivelling tone) You have been chosen to face down an opponent in our fight ring. For the entertainment of our race of, uh, people.

    LOBO: Fightin'?!

    ALIEN FEMALE: ANd I bet you'll win... (kisses him)

    LOBO: Lady, if you're there, then so am *I*...whoever I'm facin''s gonna face a world of *pain*! (They all exit)

    [Cut to the Slappy/mice group, as they make their way towards the sight of the noise]

    SLAPPY: Got a bad feelin' about this, guys...

    BRAIN :What makes you say that?

    SLAPPY: Because we're due by this point in these flippin' stories for another repetitive fast food stop, that's why.

    BRAIN: (Flatly) Agreed...though at least out here, there's little chance of that happening....

    PINKY: Awwww...

    BRAIN: Pinky, I'm only going to say this once: that eatery is the wor---

    [Brain doesn't get to finish, as the group is suddenly ambushed by Alliance aliens! They all point their laser rifles at the gang....]

    SLAPPY: Great. So, uh....(to the Aliens) You guys come here often?

    [The aliens look displeased]

    BRAIN: (Moans)

    SLAPPY: Hey, you wanna handle the diplomacy? Fine...I just like to blow stuff up, Mr. Kissinger....

    BRAIN: I'll say you do...if I counted the number of times---
    ALIEN: Wait...you enjoy fighting violently, elderly one?

    SLAPPY: Uh...yeah. [Tosses the alien a bomb, which explodes, leaving him smoldering.]

    ALIEN #2: She's sadistic!

    ALIEN #3: She's brutal!

    ALIEN #4: She's...*PERFECT*! Elderly one, come with us...you shall be our next contestant in....

    PINKY: THe "Price is Right"? POIT!

    ALIEN #4: Er...no. The great games! You shall fight an opponent using your tactics for the amusement of our race!

    SLAPPY: Heh, yeah, right, bub. What's in it for me over the usual ninja-thug-type 'a fight thingamajig?

    ALIEN: The winner is rewarded with great riches... [Holds up a holographic image of a large pile of jewels, gems, etc. Slappy's eyes widen]

    SLAPPY: (Change of tune) Er....like I was sayin'... (wraps both arms around the aliens' backs) Let's go, E.T....I've got me some pointless fightin' to do! [The group all head for the citadel...as they approach it, Brain has a peculiar look on his face]

  5. #5
    Captain Caps is offline Member
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    BRAIN: (Whispering to Billie) Psst! Billie! This must be where Dudley and that alien he was with are holed up!

    BILLIE: No foolin'! But what do we do now?

    BRAIN: Try to split up, I suppose. Skippy and Mully can stay with Slappy, while Pinky, you and I shall try to find out what these aliens are up to on our own....(they pass through the citadel's rear entrance, where the mice break from the group and head off down a seperate corridor...]

    ALIEN: Where did the three short ones go?

    ALIEN #2: Who cares...I've got me 50 creds on this elderly one winnin' it all!

    ALIEN #3: I've got 50 bet *against* her!

    SLAPPY: Oh, yeah? (Sternly tosses a bomb with one hand)

    ALIEN #3: Er...perhaps I can change that bet.

    SLAPPY: That's better...c'mon, boys....let's get ready to rumble!

    [Cut to the main battle ring, which we see resembles the battle arena from many a "Star Trek: Original Series" episode. We see the female alien standing off to the side, wielding something that resembles a large can opener-like spear. We see Slappy enter, wearing a robe, which she removes, and waves her fists for the alien crowd, pumping them for attention. They all applaud wildly.]

    SLAPPY: (To an alien who's filing her nails) So, who's the yutz I'm gonna face off against here?

    ALIEN: (Pointing to the other end of the arena) Over there....here he comes!

    [WE see entering the arena is...Lobo, who stops to give the female alien a giant kiss, before turning to the arena]

    LOBO: (Seeing Slappy) *WHOA*...what th--?!? *That's* who I'm fightin'?! Winnin' that loot ya showed me earlier oughta be a *cinch*...

    SLAPPY: (Rolling her eyes) Hey, Skippy, Mully...get a load of tall, dark, and Cro-Magnon over here. This'll be a snap...

    [We see an alien referee clang some giant gong, and the fight begins....Lobo and Slappy enter the ring, facing each other...that cheesy fight music from "Star Trek: the original series" plays...]

    SLAPPY: (Facing Lobo) Hey, bub...lemme guess: forgot to evolve today?

    LOBO: Whoa...tough talk fer someone who has enough wrinkles to need an iron...

    SLAPPY: Oooh...you're going down, bub, hard.

    LOBO: Oh, yeah? SO are you...

    [Lobo whips out an alien explosive of his own, while Slappy whips out one of her own bombs...they move in towards each other.]

    SKIPPY: This is going to be violent, isn't it?

    MULLY: (Rolling her eyes) Unfortunately for us...(glancing around) or whoever else happens to be within a 50 mile radius.

    [Cut to Plotz and Scratchy, along with the gangsters...]

    PLOTZ: Excellent idea, Rocky. We shall implement it as soon as possible. [Glares at the "Enterprise"] Soon, those Warners shall be *ours*! [Laughs madly]

    [Cut to Dudley Puppy and the Alliance Alien Leader, in a typical secret villain's lair at the top spire of the citadel...we see they're monitoring a viewscreen with Rocky's face on it...]

    DUDLEY: (Surprised) *You*?! You're the one who failed to capture those mice for me all those months ago back in Mexico on Earth! What are *you* doing here?!?

    ROCKY: Look, chum, I ain't pleased about that incident either...ya got any idea how much volcanic lava *burns*?

    DUDLEY: State your purpose...

    ROCKY: OK...here's the deal: we're sittin' with some guy named Plotz on some battle starship out by these aliens' border, and me, Muggsy and my associate "20" are tryin' to capture these two girls with those mice and Warners fer "business" purposes back on Earth...anyway, Plotz here also wants the Warners, so we've decided to team up our efforts...we tried sendin' some bounty hunter guy named Lobo after those kids, but it didn't work...

    DUDLEY: Your *point*?!

    ROCKY: Well, we decided that maybe we could team up in capturing all those guys. You could do whatever you wish with those mice, if ya let us have those two girls and those puppy-kids...capeesh?

    DUDLEY: Hmm...how do I know you won't fail me like you did in Mexico?

    ROCKY: Because we've got a bigger personal stake in this thing than we did back in Mexico....

    "20": I need those girls, or I'm facing a long jail sentence if they testify back on Earth!

    ROCKY: Plus, those mice deserve to *pay* for humiliatin' us...

    DUDLEY: Very well, then...as soon as my work here is complete, I shall join you and we'll plan a means of getting rid of *all* of them once and for all! Wait for me along the Alliance border until further notice! (Tunes out)

    (Pull back to reveal that in a ventilation shaft in the wall, we see that the lab mice are present, and have heard all this through the heating grate...)

    BRAIN: (Whispering) Hmph....so they're planning to attack our ship? I presume despite this partnership, Dudley's bigger priority is to prepare for a take over the Earth; otherwise, the "Enterprise" would've been attacked by these aliens by now... (Whips out his communicator, and contacts the Enterprise...) Enterprise? This is the Brain...do you read me?

    DOT'S VOICE: (Loudly, with just-as-loud music blaring) *YES, SIR*!

    BRAIN: (Harshly whispering) *GRRRR*! Do you want us to be *captured*?! We're mere yards away from Dudley Puppy! Now *listen*, you: soon, *very soon*, these aliens and Dudley are going to launch their attack on Earth! They must be very close to boosting their own intelligence to Billie's IQ level, so this is *very* important! Stay along the Alliance border, and put the ship on red alert...if any vessel comes within range, let us know!

    DOT'S VOICE: Uh, sure...so when are you coming back to the ship?

    BRAIN: (Whispering) Not sure....we'll have to re-group with Slappy, Skippy, and Mully soon, though, and go back to the Vulture. (glances through the grate) And I suspect we'd better hurry. Over and out...(hangs up) Come, Pinky, Billie, we'd better...

    BILLIE: Uh, Eggy? Better get a glance of this...(Points through the grate)

    (As dramatic music plays, we see that several aliens, including Dudley's alien partner, are gathered underneath a ray-like device a la the one that boosted Billie's intelligence in "The World Can Wait". Dudley sets various controls, and activates it, filling the room with a bright light. After 30 seconds, he shuts the device off, and the aliens step off the pad...)

    DUDLEY: Well? Did it work?

    ALIEN LEADER: Why, *yes*...I believe it *is* working....let me see... (walks over to a computer, and punches in various equations) Yes..of *course*...that *does* work! Our scientists have been studying these formulae for *months*, and I've solved their problem in mere seconds! (Looks sinisterly gleeful) *YES*! It works!

    DUDLEY: (to the alien) Very well, then....man the controls! (Steps into the ray device pad, as the alien works the controls....moments later, we see the same flash of light, followed by Dudley stepping off the pad)

    DUDLEY: (Rubbing his head) Yes...*yes*....I can feel it! My intelligence must be increased *thousands*-fold! The possibilities...the knowledge...with this newfound intelligence and my technological knowledge, I *can* succeed! Come...we must use this knowledge immediately! Pack up the equipment! We must launch our attack on Earth at once!

    (The mice look disturbed)

    BILLIE: (Looking shocked) It *worked*! Hard to believe...

    BRAIN: (Shocked as well) I know...which means we must hurry back to the ship...with their intelligence boosted to such high levels, we've got no time to lose! Let's get Slappy and the others, and get out of here!

    (The mice scurry off...as we cut away from the citadel, to Plotz's ship moments earlier, where we see Rocky walking away from the communications console to address Plotz)

    ROCKY: (To Plotz) Well, looks like we've got a guaranteed way to solve all our problems, Plotz...they say they'll be here to help us once and fer all...

    PLOTZ: (Through his helmet) Excellent...now we'll bide our time, until Dudley Puppy joins us, and together, we'll get those Warners once and for all! Recycled stock footage promos shall be within our grasp! (Laughs)

    (Cut to the lab mice, who're making their way through the citadel at a fast clip...suddenly, an earthquake-like shaking rattles the building. Worried-looking, Billie whips out her communicator to buzz the other half of their team...)

    BILLIE: Slappy? Skippy? Mully? Anyone?

    (Cut to the arena, which we see looks like some scene of massive violence wracked it...a large crater fills the hole, as we see various spectators have fled the arena...crawling out from underneath a table, we see Skippy and Mully.)

    SKIPPY: Aunt Slappy? Uh...did you win?

    (We see Slappy crawl out from the crater...she looks slightly ragged, but OK otherwise)

    SLAPPY: Uh, yeah, looks like it, Skippy...toldja this big lug wasn't a match, heh heh....

    LOBO: (Crawling out from a pile of rubble in the crater)(Slightly dazed) Oh, *no*?!?

    SLAPPY: Woooo...he *survived* that one. Well, he won't survive *this*....

    (Slappy's communicator buzzes, which she answers)

    BILLIE'S VOICE: Slappy! Billie h ere...listen, get back to the Vulture, *pronto*! We've got *serious* problems! I'll explain on the way...

    SLAPPY: Eh, sure, why not? (Hangs up, then realizes something) Hey, wait a minute... what about my loot? Where's those stupid aliens?!

    LOBO: *Your* loot? Oooh, I don't think so....that cash stash oughta be *mine*, sweetheart....those aliens promised me that stash if I beat you into the ground...

    MULLY: Wait...since both of you were essentially tied, why not share the prize?

    SLAPPY: *Share*?! (Blinks) You've got a nice career at the FBI there, Mully....don't give up yer day job and become a counselor anytime, OK?

    MULLY: Well, do *something*...from Billie's statement, it sounds *urgent*...

    SLAPPY: All right, *all right*...(to Lobo) Listen, I don't have time fer another round, but how about we settle this later on?

    LOBO: No way, sister...I want that loot! And I'm not leavin' until I get my fair share!

    SLAPPY: Well, if you're gonna---

    MULLY: Slappy, I've been monitoring radio frequencies for the past few minutes, and Billie's warning is important. It sounds as if the aliens have managed to succeed in their brain-boosting mission, and are mounting an attack fleet. If we don't stop them, you're going to wind up not *having* a planet to go home to to spend that treasure on...

    SLAPPY: Really? Feh, lousy flippin' aliens...(to Lobo) All right, look, grizzly, we've gotta blow some aliens back to the Ice Age first, and *then* we'll deal with the dough...gotcha?

    LOBO: How do I know this ain't some trick? You know what I do to cheatin' bums?!

    SKIPPY: She really means it! Aunt Slappy *always* keeps her word...

    SLAPPY: Thanks, Skippy...see? Would *I* lie? (A halo goes over her head)

    LOBO: Feh...(mumbles something under his breath) Fine! I guess I can help ya blow these wimpy aliens ta kingdom come...

    SLAPPY: No problem....why, it'll be *fun*!

    LOBO: (Annoyed) Hey, this ain't no freakin' *date*! Besides, I don't blow up the waiter until *after* the dinner check arrives!

    SLAPPY: Ah, whatever...let's get the loot and get goin'...we'll store in onboard my ship...

    LOBO: And I'll be watchin' your every move....

    (The group all exit...cut to the jungle, where we see the mice and Slappy team are all heading towards the Bicentennial Vulture...Billie looks surprised to see who's with the Slappy team)

    BILLIE: Hey, what's *he* doing here?!?

    PINKY: Yeah....besides, we already *have* enough gratuitous extra character-people, NARF!

    SLAPPY: Don't worry, he ain't stayin' long...

    LOBO: Is that a *threat*, sister?! (Sneering towards Slappy)

    SLAPPY: (Sneers back) No, but I'll *make* it one, buddy...(reaches for her purse for dynamite)

    BRAIN: We don't have *time* for this! We've got to get back to the "Enterprise" at once to stop Dudley and those aliens!

    (Cut to the Vulture...inside, Brain notes his dismay at the lack of distribution of his Earthrule startup disks)

    BRAIN: Why didn't you distribute more of these disks?!

    JOANIE: Hey, you try finding someone who lives in a jungle with a computer...all we found was some short, big-eared guy in a robe who had an iMac...

    (Zip pan to YODA, who's admiring several Earthrule disks...)

    YODA: Hmm...ISP with service so mediocre? Not switching service I think.... (admires the disk, before setting it on a table, and putting a glass on it) Aaaah...better use I have found!

    (Zip pan back to the Vulture, as they take off from the planet and for the "Enterprise"...cut back to the Enterprise itself moments later, where we see that the ship's on "red alert"...the Warners are sitting around on the bridge with Axel, Wendi, and Calli, looking bored. Suddenly, we see the lab mice beam directly onto the bridge....)

    WAKKO: Brain?

    BILLIE: No time for courtesies...we've got to stop an alien attack fleet! Mr. Wakko, how are our weapons systems?

    WAKKO: (Reads a screen) All weapons are fully charged! (Whips out a credit card) Though close to the limit...

    BILLIE: Engines?

    AXEL: Revved up and ready to go!

    BILLIE: OK..now all we need to know is how big a fleet's being sent...Mr. Yakko?

    (Yakko puts on the viewscreen the planet's attack fleet....we see a rather sizeable fleet of ships are streaking away from the planet, all racing towards Plotz's imperial attack cruiser...)

    BILLIE: As I feared...and with both their and Plotz's firepower *and* their boosted IQ's, this looks to be quite challenging...(to Axel) Set a course back towards our solar system, maximum warp! If we can stay ahead of them for awhile, we can buy some time to figure out a way to stop whatever it is they have planned!

    VOICE FROM NOWHERE: I don't think that'll be possible, Billie...

    BRAIN: (Flatly) *Dudley*...but from where?!

    DUDLEY'S VOICE: From *where*?! Why, right behind you, of course!

    (Brain turns around, but sees what looks like Dudley, or something similar to him...)

    DUDLEY: Astral projection...thanks to my technology, those repetitive gags of the Warners' *and* my increase-in-IQ... (looks at Billie) Ah, Billie...I must remember to thank you for the mental roadmap...you've given me much to be grateful for. Once Earth is under my entertaining rule, I'll put up a memorial to you and your intellectual gifts...

    BILLIE: (Somewhat shocked) *Astral projection*?!? That's...amazing! (Comes to her senses) And a sick way ta use such smarts!

    DUDLEY: (Sinisterly) Well, aren't *we* the cranky one! Maybe you need something to calm your nerves... (the image shimmers) Is this better? The *real* me...

    BRAIN: (Astonished) Amazing... (Shakes his head) I mean---STOP HIM!

    (Brain and the others whip out their phasers and fire, but wind up not being able to do so...)

    AXEL: What the (bleep) gives?! It won't *fire*!

    DUDLEY: Because thanks to the vast increase in my mental powers and my suit's technology, I *willed* it so! Oh, and there's other tricks up my sleeve as well... (waves his hand, and we see the phasers all lift out of their hands and rise into the air)

    BILLIE: *Levitation*....

    DUDLEY: Yes.... (sees Billie's expression) Why, you look a little stressed...perhaps you could use something to drink? (Waves his hand, and we see teleported into the room are the Worms, with trays of coffee)

    WORM 1: What are we doing here?

    WORM 2: How did this happen?!

    WORM 3: Wouldn't J be surprised?

    WORM 4: This must be what doing that "two places at whatever" thing feels like...

    DUDLEY: Coffee?

    BILLIE: (Annoyed) Don't think so...try our finding a way to *stop* you! (Presses some buttons to trap her in a forcefield, but Dudley uses his hypervelocity suit's superspeed to zip out of the way of the field before it entraps him...)

    DUDLEY: Of course, some *old* powers do work just as well! (Laughs) Ah, I wish I could stay longer....finish you off right here and all that...but, I must be going! After we take over the Earth, we'll be back, to finish *all* of you off! Or at least, you rodents...that reminds me---(Waves his hand, and we see the Warners, Calli and Wendi trapped in a giant energy sphere, which the sibs begin pounding on) A little technological gift from Mr. Plotz---an escape-proof trap for three puppy-children! And a side bonus of giving those gangsters their precious two girls...

    CALLI: This is like, *so* heinous.

    WENDI: These guys are gonna stop you...you know? In one of those Final Confrontation things?

    DUDLEY: *Please*...(to Brain) as for *you*, Brain, after I fulfil my main goal of taking over the Earth, I'll be back to finish all of you rodents off for *good*!

    BRAIN: (Thinking) Hmm...once again, a classic villain failure to do their foes in when they have the chance...though it *does* buy us time to find a way to stop Dudley and his vast powers!

    (Dudley laughs, as he teleports off the bridge, with the sibs and two girls in tow...the floating phasers drop to the floor, and all pick them up)

    BRAIN: (Still shocked) Fellow crew...I believe for once, we face a *truly* serious threat.

    AXEL: (Shocked as well) No foolin'...

    PINKY: *Narf*...

    BILLIE: (Overcomes being shocked, then a stern look on her face, as the viewscreen shows the alien fleet and the imperial cruiser heading away from the Alliance system at high-warp velocity) There's got to be a way to stop those guys from taking over the Earth *and* get the Warners and girls back....and how we're gonna do *that* ain't gonna be easy...

    WORM 1: (To Billie) Need something to help you think?

    WORM 2: Coffee hits the spot!

    WORM 3: Stimulates brain cells!

    WORM 4: And everything else...

    WORM 1: Got a problem with that?

    WORM 4: Of course not...do I look like I drink decaf?

    (The Worms chuckle, as they hand Billie a mouse-sized cup of coffee...she takes it and sips softly. Her face looks quite concerned/worried over the situation...)

    BILLIE: Mr. Foley....follow that fleet at maximum warp! We've got to catch up to them before they reach Earth! Dot... (realizes she's missing) ....*Eggy*, tell Slappy, Skippy, Joanie, Morris, and Lobo to have the Vulture follow us, and tell them what's goin' on! When you're both done, I want you, Mully, and...the Worms, I guess...to meet me in the captain's meeting room to draw up a plan!

    REST: (Make noises of agreement)

    BRAIN: Very well...(begins tapping at the communications array by hopping on the keys)

    AXEL: Gotcha! (Taps the navigation console)

    (The "Enterprise" veers in a 180 degree direction, before activating its warp engines, and zooming off...)

  6. #6
    Captain Caps is offline Member
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    Cut to the inside of Plotz's ship, where the Warners and girls are, inside the escape proof energy sphere. Plotz and the gangsters are talking to Dudley, who's on the ship's viewscreen}

    Plotz:{Vader voice}We just received your little present, and on behalf of Warner Brothers, and my little, dimwitted, and jail phobic gangster associates, we thank you.

    Rocky: You're lucky we're so close to victory or you'd smart for those little jokes.

    Dudley:{Quickly}Yeah, yeah, sure, you just get rid of those guys while we head to Earth for our glorious invasion, ta ta.

    {We now go into Dudley's ship where he turns off his viewscreen and turns to the alien leader}

    Alien leader: Well, it appears everything is all set. Now thta those annoyances are taken care of and your mice friends are as good as beaten, to risk overstating the obivious, Earth is ours!{Laughs the trademark mad laugh}

    Alien: Um, sir, query. Why exactly are those mice and those other organisms still alive, wouldn't it have been smarter for Mr Puppy to kill them right away? I mean, we now know everything in the galaxy, so shouldn't we know that letting them live could mean trouble later?

    Dudley: Let me ask you something. Why do you question us when, with a thought, we can eliminate your ability to question us ever again? Those mice may have outsmarted me before, but with all the intellengence of the universe and all this firepower, they can't possibly win! And there's the added bonus that they'll be around to witness the destruction of Earth as they know it, but for how long they have the chance, that's the question.

    Alien: Don't you think you're being too confident?

    Alien leader:{Low}Don't you think you had better leave before our friend follows through on his original threat?

    Alien:{Quivering}Um, yes sir.

    {Cut back to Plotz's ship as Plotz and the gangsters come towards the sphere}

    Dot: Plotzie, Plotzie, Plotzie, I thought you had a better memory than this. Don't you remember the last time you joined us with a cartoon has been to get rid of us, only his name was Doom that time? Don't you remember how well that turned out?

    "20":{Looking at the girls}I don't, I was too busy keeping my empire safe from little troublemakers.

    Plotz: Um, Dot, if you'll recall, I didn't have a spaceship and the alliance with super intellgent future world conquerers, now did I?! That should tell you how different the outcome of this will be. Soon, the likes of "Sherlock Holmes in the 22'nd century" "The Mummy" and another Pokemon series will permenatly replace you!{Laughs}

    "20": Speaking of perminate cancellation, Rocky, Muggsy, get the weapons for our departing girl friends.

    Muggsy: Dah, wiat a minute, I got an idea!

    Rocky: If it involves playing another of those stupid songs, I'm gonna...

    Muggsy: Nope. Dah, we're joined up with those aliens and that cute puppy right? And they want to take over Earth, right? So, dah, why would killing them be nessecary when after they take over, there will be no more jails for guys like us, right?

    "20": Wow, you picked a good time to speak a coherent thought! If we help those guys take over, I won't have to do anything, my empire will be saved and I'm sure I can get some favors for it's growth easier than I can get a pardon from Clinton if we provide a helping hand!

    Plotz: And if I provide my service, they'll probably destroy all my compitition and we'll be the top rated network, and only network, in America!

    Yakko: Sheesh, from power hungry boss to power hungry world conquerer in 3 easy lessons.

    Plotz: Don't joke, be happy, it looks like you 5 have been spared...for now. Call Mr Puppy again and see what help we can give them!{The baddies walk away}

    Wendy: Hey, I thought the good guys always won in these stories! Why are the villains, like, winning? That's mondo-bogue!

    Wakko: Oh, if we only got free I could, oh say, drink a certain drink that could actually help us get away?

    Dot: You know, those coffee jokes are starting to get old. But Wendy has a point, why are we in this much danger?

    Yakko: I think some writer cameos are in order for this.{Just then for no good reason, we cut to wiriters Brainatra, Captain Caps, and Robert}

    Brainatra: Um, yay, we're in the story. hoorah!

    Captain Caps: Great, now I can make my 80's refs in person! Okay, what 80's singer haven't I referenced yet?

    Yakko: Save it for later and answer us what's going on here? You guys have been putting us in far too much danger in these things lately. I mean, we've been nearly dipped by Judge Doom, almost ruined by an evil abby and an almost eviler media boss, had our gags almost eliminated by a political bad guy, and now this! What gives?

    Robert: Come on, danger means originality and excitement, it brings out an emotional side rarely seen in these stories except for mine. And it gives me more to talk about in my Maltin reviews too.

    Dot: That's all well and good, and I admit your detail to new stuff is to be admired, but one question. {Yelling}HOW DO YOU GUYS PLAN TO GET US OUT OF THIS?!!

    Robert: Um, well, beats me, I'm done writing this part, so um, you're on your own Brainy and Caps!{Leaves}

    Brainatra: Okay, give us a minute and we'll figure this out.

    All of a sudden, with a toothpick in his mouth, a leather jacket on his back, and Bob Dylan's "Tangled Up In Blue" playing in the background, Dr. Belch enters.

    Dr. Belch: Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk! Hey fellas, how's it going?

    Brainatra: I'm strapped for ideas at this moment.

    Captain Caps: Do you suppose that you, in all your ribald wisdom, can come up with something for this fanfic?

    Dr. Belch: Make way for progress! (Belch drums on a table, then starts typing. As he does so, we fade back into the fic.)

    [Fade to a televised news program being broadcast from an unknown studio; alien-looking lettters on the logo indicate its origin is extraterrestrial. An alien version of late sports broadcaster Howard Cosell is seated at the desk.]

    ALIEN NEWCASTER [speaking in Cosell's unique cadence]: Good evening, fans, and welcome to coverage of the Warner Brothers/Dudley Puppy stalemate. This is a fight that's had theaters ranging from one end of the planet to the next, and now has been taken into space. Each team has incorporated many allies in their fight to crush the other. The monkey children have sought the aid of a cranky old bomb-crazy squirrel,three lab rats, and a foul-mouthed ex-cop from Detroit, among others; Mr. Puppy has had on his payroll a large-headed infant, media tycoon Rupert Murdoch, and controversial rabid right-wing talk show host Dr. Laura. Some powerful muscle on both teams. With me is former pugalist and heavyweight champion Leon Sphinx. Mr. Sphinx, who do you predict as a winner in this fight?

    [Pan left to SPHINX, who grins braodly, showing his missing teeth.]

    SPHINX: Just like Leon Sphinx does what's right for Leon Sphinx, the Warners will do what's right for the Warners.

    NEWSCASTER: You are correct, Mr. Sphinx. Though the Warners are a ragtag bunch and Mr. Puppy's operations are more sophisticated, it's Yakko, Wakko, and Dot's guerrilla tactics that lend them an edge against the dark forces. What do you make of Puppy's choice of eschewing new talent and adding veterans Rocky and Mugsy to his lineup?

    SPHINX: It could go either way. Pendulum city, babe!

    NEWSCASTER: I agree wholeheartedly, it is a strategy that could swing the balance either way. Although they are seasoned fighters, they may be hampered by age and career injuries sustained under their many years of working under Charles Jones. Any more thoughts, Mr. Sphinx?

    Sphinx: Nope! I have to talk to Billy Crystal about his impressions of me. It's a great honor to be imitated by him.

    NEWSCASTER: I couldn't have said it any better myself. [shakes SPHINX's hand] Next up, we'll delve into--

    [The image recedes into a white dot. Pan back to AXEL, looking agitated, remote control in hand, watching a TV.]
    monitor in the cockpit.]

    AXEL: [Bleep]in' news shows. They talk, talk, talk, and don't tell you a [bleep](Bleep) thing. Half of them say we're winning and half say we're going to get our butts handed to us on a stick.

    SKIPPY: Spew, Mr. Foley!

    SLAPPY: It's like Kennedy-Nixon in 1960. You hear Tricky Dick talk, you think he's got the election sewn up. You look at Kennedy on TV, with those chiseled good looks, you think, "Hey, he looks like he knows his stuff." Boom. Jack wins narrowly, because he has this many more supporters on his side (Slappy pinches her thumb and forefingers together to indicate said amount).

    AXEL: Waht the [bleep] are you talking about, you old tree rat?

    SLAPPY [knocks on AXEL's forehead]: I'm saying, junior, that we've got the most persuasive arguments, but they've got that TV Q hooseafudge. People support them because they're media savvy and rich and good-looking. But they're hollow. We've got issues.

    YAKKO [looks about the motley crew in the cockpit]: Sister, that's a straight line if I ever heard one.

    BRAIN: I'm afraid Slappy is correct. The press has slurred us in the past, after all, and if they think we are the second coming of Shickelgruber, the masses will throw their support behind our adversary. As one who depends on positive public acceptance in 90 percent of my schemes, I am very wary of any inopportune shifts in the proletariat's fielties...(Brain summons up a satisfactory smile, while all heads turn to BILLIE for translation.]

    BILLIE: Long story short, if the folks don't like us, we're toast. Look at me. ["Battle Hymn of the Republic"-type tune plays] I'm a mouse; folks think I'm germ-ridden vermin. I got a Queens accent; they think I'm a dippy dame. I got to prove myself every day to survive and convnice folks I'm worth a darn. [in her breath control voice] I could speak posh and be accepted by them, sure... [in normal voice] ...but that ain't me.
    [music swells] Take me for what I am, know my worth, love me for being real, or to blazes with you! [music hits crecendo]

    SLAPPY: All right, Norma Ray. Can the after-school special here. [needle on a record scratches] Pretty speeches aren't worth an acorn. We need action. Where's the big feller?

    PINKY: I left him in the entertainment lounge watching some holographic movie cubes about deer.

    DOT: Deer?

    YAKKO: Yes, honey?

    DOT: Not funny, Yakko.

    [WAKKO is giggling, but ceases at a dirty look from DOT.]

    BRAIN: Odd. I never pegged him as a nature film lover.

    PINKY: Oh, you're wrong, Brain. Poit! Why, when he found that box of cubes, he yells out [deepening voice to imitate LOBO] "Hot dang, I found me a bunch of stag films!" Narf!

    BILLIE [mixture of amusement and pity]: Oh, Pinky...um...

    [Cut to interior of writers' office. CAPTAIN CAPS and BRAINATRA are blushing, then look over to the left. DR. BELCH is asleep, feet on table and cap over face. CAPS and BRAINATRA shake their heads, as there are no words.]

    [Cut to space, exterior. The villains' ship is approaching the heroes' at ramming speed. "Ride of the Valkyries" as interpreted for this fanfic by Eddie Van Halen plays. DUDLEY PUPPY's laughter is heard echoing even in the void.]

    [Cut to heroes' ship, interior. An alarm sounds and a red light flashes. The heroes all run out of the cockpit through a Star Trek-esque sliding door and collide with the poor GUARD from an earlier scene, knocking him on his back. He thrashes about on his back, whining, "Ow, not so hard!" They all line up at the windows and spot the villains' craft coming dangerously close.]

    SLAPPY [subdued]: A quick, simple, brutal attack. For a bad guy, I gotta respect the mook. [SKIPPY, trying not to cry, cuddles up to SLAPPY for comfort.]

    AXEL: [praying in fast, unintelligible speech, interspersed with bleeps]

    [The VALLEY GIRLS stand mute and transfixed. One blows a bubble-gum bubble that pops mutely, like an oral punctuation mark.

    [THE WARNERS hug each other tight and scream.]

    BRAIN: At this speed, they'll eviscerate us.

    PINKY: Whew! That's good. I figured they'd just rip us to smithereens. Poit!

    BILIE: That's exactly what Eggy meant, babe.

    [PINKY gulps.]

    [Cut to the ship as it comes closer and closer, then cut to Belch, awakened from his sleep.]

    Dr. Belch: I *think* I covered everybody. This cast is becoming as lengthy as that of a Jenna Jameson movie...

    Brainatra: *Who*?

    Captain Caps: A porn star! You wouldn't be familiar with her.

    Brainatra: Oh, and you would?

    Caps shuffles his feet and blushes, as we cut to...

    (Exterior Shot of Villain's Ship now just about to collide with the 'Enterprise', VO of Dudley's and Plotz's evil laughter....... Suddenly, the 'Enterprise' blurrs and splits into two identical vessels! With a screech of brakes, the ramming ship shudders to a halt. The two Enterprises zoom off in opposite directions, while the befuddled Villain Ship sprouts question marks and exclaimation points.)

    (CUT TO: Interior of Enterprise bridge, where everybody gapes in astonishment at Helmsman Pinky.)

    AXEL: How the (Major Bleep) did ya do that????

    PINKY: (cheerful) It's called the Picard Manouver! I saw it on a rerun of 'Star Trek: The Next Generation!' Zort, I just *love* that show!

    BILLIE: Remind me ta give ya highest commondations later, Pinks! (PINKY blushes happily) But, we've only postponed the problem. We ain't got much chance a' rescuing our friends, or savin' the Earth, unless we figure out how ta deal w' those villains popping in an' out an' snatchin' the good guys. (looking towards BRAIN'S station) Ya got any idea how they're doin' it, Science Officer?

    BRAIN: As a matter of fact, yes. (pulls out the tricorder keychain) I managed to take a few readings when our cainine 'friend' paid his visit- indications are, these nefarious raids are being accomplished by the precise artificial generation of tesseracts.

    BILLIE: (nodding) I figured as much.

    PINKY: Tess Arrat? But why does she want to...?

    BRAIN: (impatient) That's *tesseract*, Pinky. A hypercube. The fifth-dimmentional phenomena commonly, if somewhat symplistically, described as a "wrinkle in time."

    PINKY: (not fully comprehending) Oh. Then, what should we do? Get a big steam iron, to flatten out all those wrinkles?

    (BRAIN opens his mouth to make a sharp reply... but suddenly his eyes go wide with realization.)

    BRAIN: Pinky! That's actually an idea! (BRAIN quickly uses a paper clip to hook the tricorder to his science station, and starts rapidly pushing buttons while checking the tricorder screen.) YEESS!! If we assemble our own tesseract-generator and set it on a countering wavelength, that would 'flatten out' the effect! Every tesseract-based weapon in our opponent's arsenal would be neutralized!

    BILLIE: (pleased) Ya would do Mr. Spock proud, Eggy.

    PINKY: (laughing at the thought) How do you think you'd look with sleek black bangs, Brain?

    BRAIN: (annoyed at the distraction) Like a certain Stooge with an absurd name, Pinky. Now kindly refrain from asking me any more questions while I work this thing out. (BRAIN turns to give full attention to his calculating)

    [Cut to the villains' ships, or rather, the lead ship in the invading Alien armada, as they continue their journey towards Earth. We see the Warners and Valley Girls still held prisoner in their energy sphere, as Plotz, now joined by Dudley and the Lead Alien, gleefully gloat over their ill-gotten gain]

    PLOTZ: Excellent work, Mr. Puppy! Once we show the Earth who should be in charge, you'll have your own network!

    DUDLEY: Thank you, Mr. Plotz...what a glorious day that shall be. (Thinks for a moment, then speaks) Hmm...though I suppose I should've eliminated those rodents while I had the chance...but no matter! After we take over the Earth, we'll return to eliminate them later!

    PLOTZ: I can smell the ratings already! Pokemon scattered across 7 networks, 24 hours a day! The "Teen Angst Drama" network! Every ISP replaced with AOL! Oh, and seeing these brats locked back in their tower and replaced with their recycled stock footage clones! (Chuckles gleefully) Oh, this is going to be *sweet*!

    [The Warners all gulp...the Valley Girls merely calmly chew their gum]

    DOT: Great...how do we break out of this, guys?

    WAKKO: Um..."two places at once"?

    YAKKO: "Right behind 'em"?

    DOT: (Sighs) So much for a *useful* suggestion....

    [And as the captured kids and their two Valley Girl cohorts ponder their fate, let's return to the "Enterprise"...]

    [Cut to the "Enterprise", where we see that the "Vulture" is following behind...cut to Slappy at the helm of her own ship, which seems to be suffering from a few malfunctions...]

    SLAPPY: Ah, fer the love 'a Dick Cheney....what's wrong with this thingamajig?! I leave it on auto pilot while I went onboard the "Enterprise" and you *two* did somethin' to foul it up! (Presses a button, and we see it spring off the control panel, with a few sparks flying)


    MORRIS: Er, sorry, Slappy...but Joanie and I got to arguing over which film was better, "Back to the Future" or "Teen Wolf". Some words flew, a few accusations of someone *very close to me* (glares at Joanie) *looking* like "Teen Wolf", and before you know it, the diet walnut colas went squirting...guess it shorted out the controls a bit, or something...eh-heh.

    SLAPPY: (Flatly) You're a *dead* man... *nobody* messes with my cheesy sci-fi spaceship thingamajig and--- (sees some controls beeping) Aw, *geez*....OK, who let the hyperdrive overheat?

    [Suddenly, we hear Dudley's voice emerge from nowhere]

    DUDLEY: (SOunding pre-recorded) Hello there, fools...while you were on board the "Enterprise", I thought I'd set up a little "delaying" tactic to ensure myself even *more* time to achieve my goals! If you don't believe me, check out your hyperdrive readings.... (The voice clicks off)

    SLAPPY: Eh, how bad could it be?

    COMPUTER VOICE: Warning...hyperdrive overheating. Structural collapse in 12 seconds....

    SLAPPY: *That's* bad. (Hailing the "Enterprise") Yo, guys...beam us over here....two things are about to blow up here...(glares at her two crewmembers) *me*...and THIS SHIP!

    (The four are beamed off the "Vulture"....cut to the Enterprise bridge, moments before the Vulture explodes in an ship-shaking KABOOM! We see the crew tossed about the bridge, with the "red alert" sirens blaring...)

    PINKY: NAAARF....I thought in space, no one could hear you explode, or something...

    BILLIE: (Getting up) Mr. Foley! Status report!

    AXEL: (Bleep)in' trouble, that's what! That blast just ripped into the side of the left warp nacelle! (Reads the controls) And from what I'm getting, unless we fix it soon, we aren't goin' (bleep)in' nowhere, let alone back to Earth to stop those (bleep)s!

    BILLIE: *Wonderful*... (Rubs her forehead) There isn't any chance of there being a "Triple-A" for spaceships out here, is there?

    BRAIN: Doubtful....(an idea occurs to him) But we may be able to find some sort of interstellar space station to obtain repairs at! (to the comm) Lobo, come here, at once!

    (We soon see Lobo, who was watching his holographic movies, come up to the bridge...)

    LOBO: Feh...sat there waitin' fer some hot cutie to come on screen, but all I saw were a bunch of fraggin' wide-eyed *RABBITS*! The fraggin' thing was called "Bambi", fer cripes' sakes.... I mean, *Bambi* sounds like such a *hot* name---

    BILLIE: *Ahem*...Mr. Lobo, I suggest you direct your attention to something besides your libido...such as the viewscreen.

    LOBO: (Doing so) Who-ho-hoa! That Dudley mutt blew up that "Vulture" thingamajig real good! (Laughs)

    BILLIE: WE don't have time for your libido or sense of "humor"...we need to know where the nearest space station, repair shop, *whatever*, might be located so we can make repairs to the "Enterprise"!

    LOBO: Ah, lessee.... (walks over to the navigation panel, and punches in a few coordinates) there's some fraggin' space station about a few light-years from here...they'll fix this klunker up fer ya. And the sooner that happens, the sooner I can blast that mutt and CEO guy back to the Stone Age! Lousy feebs have my bike...*and* blew up that treasure Slappy was haulin' on the "Vulture"! It's *payback* time, baby...

    BILLIE: Um...Ooookay.

    MULLY: ANd while we're making repairs, Brain can work on that tesseract device...

    BRAIN: *Correct*...(to Pinky) and while we're on the station, we can also distribute more of our "Earthrule" startup disks, as part of my world domination plan!

    PINKY: Oooh, good idea, *Brain*! *NARF*! We can tell them they're nice plastic coasters!

    BRAIN: *Hardly*...try my *ticket* to world rule!

    PINKY: Oooh right, that too...

    (We see the "Enterprise" hobble off at impulse power to the space station Lobo suggested...cut to awhile later, where the ship's docked at a station that looks a lot like the one from "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine", with a repair crew setting to work on the ship. On the station, we see the "Enterprise" cast [For anyone who's forgotten: Slappy, Skippy, Joanie, Morris, Mully, Pinky, Brain, Billie, Axel (carrying some "Earthrule" startup disks for the mice), the Worms, Lobo, Wendi and Callie] walk around the station...suddenly, the Worms take notice of something at a dry stock store)

    WORM 1: (Eyeing something) Is it...?

    WORM 2: Yes!

    WORM 3: It's...

    WORM 4: ....it's....

    WORMS: (Pointing at a sign in some alien language) *JAVA*!

    WORM 1: By the *ton*! (They race towards the store)

    WORM 2: (Off-screen) Get some to bring on the ship with us...

    WORM 2: (VO) How much?

    WORM 3: (VO) How big's a cargo hold bay?

    BILLIE: Well, they'll be busy...guess we should get somethin' to eat as long as the ship's being repaired, and we make our plans to take on those villains...

    PINKY: Ooh, how about there? (Points)

    BRAIN: (Sees what he's pointing at, with his eyes widening, before covering his face) *Don't tell me*....

    PINKY: Boy, they're building those things *everywhere* these days, NARF!

    BRAIN: (Flatly) I don't think so... (Points to a different eatery) There's where we should go!

    BILLIE: A restaurant/bar....well, it'd be a nice change of pace from hamburgers...no offense, Pinky.

    PINKY: (SNiff) *No toys*...?

    BRAIN: (Nearly elated) *No*! Come with me... (all follow Brain into the restaurant..inside, we see the crew are being waited on, as Brain is chatting with someone at a bar counter. We see it's none other than Dr. Bashir of DS9 himself...)

    BRAIN: So, they used of all things, the *Picard Maneuver*... (shudders) While I'm grateful for the actual usefulness of that particular repetitive gag, I don't believe I wish to see it repeated again anytime soon...like, within the next several thousand years.

    BASHIR: I can see your point. What a fascinating tale, Mr. Brain...between your genetic modifications and some sort of secretive government organization capturing you, we seem to have much in common.

    BRAIN: Indeed...they thought that Wally Faust has *imitators* in a group called "Section 32" and with this group trying to capture *you* is rather noxious, to say the least... another "Circle". (Sees Pinky is waving to Brain) Excuse me, Doctor...I'm needed.

    BASHIR: Nice talking to you...

    (Brain heads back to the group....)

    PINKY: Oooh, Brain! This station is wonderful! And this food...it's...

    BRAIN: Actually *good*?

    PINKY: Oooh, yes! I've never had...um...this with a meal before! (Holds up a cloth)

    BRAIN: A cloth *napkin*? Pinky, I think you'll find the cuisine at any place other than that wretched fast food restaurant to be much improved...

    PINKY: And this really neat toy! (Plays with the napkin ring) HAHAHAHA!

    BILLIE: Gotta hand it to you, Eggy... (munches into a piece of filet mignon) This place is aces!

    AXEL: Yeah...no greasy stains...no burnt french fries...no drippy teenagers...this place is the (bleep)in' *BOMB*! We've gotta start eatin' at better restaurants on these things from now on...

    BRAIN: (Elated) All those in favor of this change of eating habits? (All raise their hands, except for Pinky)

    PINKY: Um...what about the Warners? Shouldn't they have a vote?

    BRAIN: Er...I'm sure they won't mind this plurality. Besides, um...we'll bring them doggy bags...

    PINKY: Really? POIT! OK, then, me too! (raises his hand)

    BRAIN: Then it's *settled*... at long last, the nightmare of styrofoam-boxed burgers is *over*! Y-E-E-E-S! (Pumps his fist, but sees all staring at him, calms down, and grins embarrassedly)

  7. #7
    Captain Caps is offline Member
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    [SLAPPY's voice is heard from off-camera, muttering inarticulate cartoon profanity.]

    BRAIN: The food: exquisite. The company, however, leaves something to be desired. [BRAIN P.O.V. to the crew. "Mama's Little Baby Loves Shortening Bread" plays in the BG. BILLIE is dining demurely, and PINKY is being on his best behavior...but SKIPPY is putting straws in his nose, JOANIE and MORRIS are having some inexplicable spat about trivialities, MULLY is in the lavatory, AXEL has detatched himself from the group and left his food to get cold while he talks on the telephone, and LOBO steals food from other's plates and drinks stein after stein of beer, belching frequently.]

    SKIPPY [somewhat denasal]: Why're you cussing, Aunt Slappy?

    SLAPPY: You'd swear too if you read the news I'm reading here. [pulls straws out of her nephew's nose] Nothing but media slander. [shows the group a sheaf of newspapers] Got 'em at the counter. Here's Brain shaking hands with the Ayatollah [indicates picture with BRAIN's head taped over some Arab official in a lame mock-up reminiscent of the photo in "The Pinky Protocol"]. There's an article saying Billie was the temptress that broke up Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, America's favorite couple, and that's she's carrying Tommy Boy's love child.

    PINKY [aghast]: Billie! For shame!

    BILLIE: Pinky, sweetie, it isn't true. We've talked about how these--

    BOTH, simultaneously: ---cheap gossip rags make their money throwing mud on good people's names and you shouldn't waste money buying such trash. [PINKY adds a "poit" at the end, and looks relieved.]

    SLAPPY: Get this! Some mook called "The Fanboy" says he has evidence that I died of a stroke while filming the end of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock" and that for the rest of season six on "Animaniacs" they used old footage of me along with a double who was only seen from the back to make it look like I was still living! Yeesh!

    LOBO [pounds hand on table and laughs]: Hoo boy, sister! They really fragged you in that rag!

    SLAPPY: That's nothing. This guy says that before you were Lobo the Main Man, you weighed 98 pounds, wore Coke-bottle glasses and saddle shoes, had bad acne, and were named Seymour!

    LOBO: What the frag? [hammers fist on the table] I'll rip that hack columnist's lungs out and sit on them like a whoopie cushion!

    BRAIN: Easy. It's nothing we didn't expect. We've known since Griffin and Murdoch's alliance that there was a media conspiracy to slur us. Half this war will be fought in space; the other in ink.

    PINKY: Egad, I hope we can take a shower afterwards so our fur won't stain. Troz!

    BRAIN: Figuratively, my cerebrally-minute friend. That is to say, no matter what gains we see on the batlefield, if public perception of us remains low, then [holds up one of his computer disks] these disks will be as impossible to unload on the masses as a Confederate dollar bill post-bellum.

    [Cut to interior of the villian's ship as YAKKO, WAKKO, and DOT ponder their fate.]
    WAKKO: We could have someone deliver us a cake with a file in it.

    DOT: These are energy bars, Wakko--a file wouldn't cut them. And besides, no one knows we're here, so who could do that for us?

    WAKKO [sadly]: I really just wanted some cake.

    YAKKO: I got it. I'll call over a guard and tell him I have static in my eye and could he look at my watch. Then when he gets close enough, pow! I smack him one and use his key to bust out.

    DOT: Nah. Too old-school. Besides, these guards aren't your typical dupeable turnkeys.

    WAKKO [perking up]: Turkey! Oh, boy! I'll ahve mine with potatoes and gravy! And some pecan pie!

    DOT [exasperated]: *Turnkeys*, not--oh, skip it, I'm too tired to argue.

    [DOT then notes one of the VALLEY GIRLS playing with her gum--pulling it out of her mouth, wrapping it on her finger, and inserting her finger in her mouth. She repeats this maneuver several times. A bell dings, and DOT's face brightens.]
    DOT [to WENDI] Sweetie, let me have a piece of gum, por favor.

    WENDI: Why? Like, is your breath heinous or something?

    DOT [tersely]: Can the Q-and-A and give me the sweet stuff, Blondie.

    WENDI: Like, here. Hold your water. Gah! [sulky] That was my last piece, too.

    DOT [to WAKKO and YAKKO]: Empty your pockets of everything--toys, paperclips, tissue wads, whatever. With luck I can pool our limited resources and get out out of this jam.

    WAKKO: Jam! Ohhhhhh...I would love some jam!

    DOT: Shhhh! Escape first, belly later!

    [The WARNERS and the VALLEY GIRLS huddle up and whisper, fiddling in their pockets.]

    [Commercials play advertising the new fall lineup, promoting all the shows proclaimed by KWB as premiering: "Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century", "Rescue Heroes", etc. The characters from these shows are running about a CGI studio lot, cavorting and doing whatever it is that they do best, along with the usual recycled stock footage of Pokemon...pull back to see that Plotz is viewing this on a monitor, with Plotz gleefully chuckling]

    PLOTZ: Ah, soon, the lineup shall premiere on multiple networks!

    DUDLEY: ANd soon, I shall become the ruler supreme of whatever entertainment remains!

    ALIEN: And soon, our rule shall be extended to the quadrant of the galaxy containing the Earth!

    ALIEN MINION: Um, sirs...? Don't you think that this might be the makings of your downfalls? I mean, I've researched all the other defeats suffered at the hands of these mice and doglike children, and they all came about when their opponents were too self-confident and engaged in the usual villainous cliches. (Grins meekly at the stern-looking Plotz, Dudley, gangsters, and Alien Leader)

    ALIEN LEADER: How *dare* you insist that this could have the potential for failure!

    DUDLEY: *Indeed*...I mean, we've got increased-exponentially IQ levels, a huge alien armada the likes unseen, my hypervelocity suit, those wretched brats locked away, gangsters....how else *could* this fail?!?

    ROCKY: Indeed...mebbe Muggsy here should teaches youse a lesson about not bein' a team player.

    MUGGSY: Daaah....does this involve "Dilbert"? Ooooh, I love that guy! He does all those jokes about playing on a team...

    ROCKY: Shaddup.

    MUGGSY: Shudding up, Rocky...

    DUDLEY: Hmm...well, related to that comment, we'd best begin reviewing our invasion plans.

    PLOTZ: I'll inspect the signal override device-thingies! We'll be ready to override all signals with our *own*! (Gleefully chuckles, and dashes off)

    ROCKY: Muggsy, "20", we'd better go over how we want to divvy up our newfound worldwide mafia territory once we're free in the clear after these mugs conquer the Earth.

    MUGGSY: Daaah, do I still get Lichtenstein? (Rocky smacks him) *OW*! [The gangsters exit]

    ALIEN LEADER: Shall we inspect our weaponry and technology? The tesseract-based devices should be checked over one last time. We'll also want to inspect the neutron missiles, the electromagnetic imprisonment spheres, the laser weaponry, *and* several dozen last-minute quantum physics calculations.

    DUDLEY: Good idea. I don't want there to be anything potentially going wrong with this plan. And if unexpected trouble does show up, we'll be ready with a few "surprises"... (the two exit)

    [Cut to the Warners and the Valley Girls...they're examining the contents of their pockets]

    DOT: (Annoyed) Great...so far, we've got a piece of candy, 27 cents, a skate key, a Maul movie theater ticket stub to "Dude, Where's My Car", and pocket lint! What are we supposed to do with this?!

    [Wakko examines the contents, before bundling them all up and swallowing them. He licks his lips]

    WAKKO: Mmm-mm! Dee-lich!

    YAKKO: Aaaaah, I guess that's it.

    DOT: Great...now what?

    CALLI: Um, like, what about that Wacky Sack thing of yours, Wakko? From that show of yours?

    WAKKO: (Looks down his shirt, and shakes his head sadly) Sorry...must've left it in my room on the "Enterprise"!

    DOT: Hmph...guess this means we'll have to wait for our illustrious crewmembers to rescue us then...don't worry, I'm sure they're coming up with something creative and oh-so-original...

    [Cut back to the "Enterprise", still docked at the space station. The last of the repair crew are putting the finishing touches on the ship...we see the crew of the ship are in the meeting lounge, trying to figure out how to rescue the Warners. In the background, James Brown's 1986 song "Gravity" plays in the background.]

    BRAIN: (Covering his face with both hands) For the *last* time, we will *not* be using that idiotic spatial-distortion trick to rescue the missing crewmen....

    PINKY: Awwww, but it worked so well *last* time with the "Picard Maneuver" thingy...um, and the 47 zillion times before that? POIT!

    BRAIN: *Sigh*...any *intelligent* suggestions?

    JOANIE: How about luring them back to Weisinger-4? With the gain in superpowers there, we could all defeat the non-powered aliens easily on the surface...

    BILLIE: (SHakes her head) Negative. Even if the Weisingerians wanted their world turned into a battlefield, there'd be too many risks to their innocent bystanders with that type of melee. Plus, Dudley and Plotz themselves, being from Earth, would also be superpowered...and with the boost in IQ Dudley's given himself and that modified hypervelocity suit of his, we *don't* want to hand him yet *another* advantage. Any other suggestions?

    SKIPPY: How 'bout asking a superhero for help?

    BILLIE: I don't think we need any more "help" as it stands now....we've got enough guys here as it is! (Muttering) Besides, Adam Strange is probably busy in Alpha Centauri as we speak...

    LOBO: How's about beamin' those losers outta there with that wimpy transporter thing of yers?

    BILLIE: Negative...that electromagnetic bubble they're trapped in is transporter-proof...the EMF interference won't provide a transporter lock. Even if it could penetrate their ship's shields to begin with.... (Rubs her head) This *is* difficult...those villains are really giving us a run for the money this time...even after we knock out their tesseract-generation devices, I dunno how to handle whatever else they have planned, let alone defeating 'em once and for all, especially if they're as smart as *I* am now...

    WORM 1: (With a tray) Java?

    BILLIE: (Half-dazed/tired) Java? Don't think that'll work either... (yawns, as she takes a mouse-sized cup of coffee)

    MULLY: Hmm...if you're creating a tesseract-cancelling device, couldn't that device be used to create a tesseract of your own to travel through?

    BILLIE: (Half-asleep) Why would we do tha....(realizing something, as does Brain)

    BRAIN & BILLIE: (In Unison) Eureka!

    LOBO: *Hey*, don't be callin' *me* names, shorty...

    BILLIE: No, we know how to rescue the Warners! By using the tesseract-generating aspects of our device, we'll hone in on the exact location of the Warners' energy sphere, and open a link between inside the sphere and our ship! Then we'll just pull them through and avoid dealing with the electromagnetic sphere's shielding and interference! And after that rescue attempt's done, we'll use the device to cancel out their tesseract-generation abilities!

    LOBO: Uhhh....huh?!

    SLAPPY: What she's tryin' to say, Einstein, is: we're gettin' those kids back, *and* nipping part of those baddies' scheme in the bud!

    LOBO: Oh...

    BILLIE: COme on, Eggy...we've got a tesseract-cancelling device to build!

    PINKY: Oooh, can I help? I want to pick the color scheme! Maybe bondi blue? HAHAHAHA!

    BILLIE: EH, sure, why not? (To Mully) Mully, you're in charge of the bridge until we get back! We'll be in engineering... (the three mice leave the room, as do the rest of the crew...cut to an exterior shot of the ship, as we see the "Enterprise" finally leave the space station's dock....)

    [Cut to the Engineering portion of the ship...we see Billie and Brain are laboring over their tesseract-countering device, which resembles an infindibulator...it's apparently being connected through the main deflector dish of the ship.]

    BILLIE: (Hopping down from a power coupling] Did ya remember to adjust the phase inducers?

    BRAIN: (Rolling his eyes) Of *course*....

    BILLIE: And the tetryonic field enablers?

    BRAIN: (Growing mildly annoyed) *Of course*...

    BILLIE: (Looks at a part of the device, slightly worried) Hmm...that quantum fluxommeter looks rather..."iffy."

    BRAIN: (Raising an eyebrow) "Iffy"?!

    BILLIE: Er, yeah. I just wanna make sure it won't malfunction when we turn this baby up full blast...

    BRAIN: (Sighing) *Billie*, I assure you, my end of this project is *more* than adequate to the device's function. While we've had our disagreements over technologies in the past, I *know* this will work...

    BILLIE: (About to say something, but sighs; briefly glancing over the plans) I *know*, Eggy, and I'm sorry...but....well...how would you feel if someone had your level of intelligence, and was using it for *evil*?! It's been grating on my mind during this whole time....

    BRAIN: (Raising an eyebrow again) *Well*, there was a certain hamster who *almost* matched my IQ that we both knew well...

    BILLIE: (Embarrassedly) Oh, *yeah*....almost forgot about *him*....and how he used his brains to do all that nasty stuff.

    BRAIN: *Indeed*. But that's all in the past...

    BILLIE: Still, it must've bothered *you* at the time, Eggy...

    BRAIN: *Yes*, it did. (Sees Billie's worriedness, and loses a bit of his blank facial expression) Look, Billie....even if they *do* have your intellectual capacities, it'll be impossible for them to succeed. While they have the *capacity* for intellectual feats, they won't have our life experiences, our savvy, our originality, our....

    PINKY: (From the other side of the room, playing with an isolinear chip) Je ne sais quoi?! POIT! HAHAHA!

    BRAIN: (Glancing at Pinky) Er, *yes*, I suppose so, Pinky... (to Billie) Basically, what I'm trying to say is that, well...um...

    BILLIE: *Yes*, Eggy?

    BRAIN: ...you're too *intelligent* for them to succeed with whatever they have planned. And together, we'll have the means of preventing them from taking over the Earth before *we* get the chance. (Cringes slightly at being this nice/emotional)

    BILLIE: Really? (Wraps her arms around Brain) Oh, Eggy! Thanks for the encouragement!

    BRAIN: *You're welcome*...now then, I believe we've got a tesseract-countering device to finish...

    [Cut away from the mice, as they continue with their work, to Axel and Lobo, who're seated at a terminal on the bridge, with headphones-with-mikes-attached on their heads...they wear tags reading "Earthrule customer service representatives"]

    AXEL: (Aggrivated) Of all the (bleep)in' humiliatin' (bleep) things that big-headed rat put us up to!

    LOBO: (Also annoyed) No foolin'...

    AXEL: (Sees a light beeping) Oh, goody, a (bleep)in' loser callin' about Brain's (bleep)in' ISP thing... (Answers) Yeah, whaddya (bleep)in' *want*?!

    EARTHRULE CUSTOMER: (Sounding a bit dim) Um, I like, tried installing your software, and can't seem to get it to, um, start....so, should I like, erase my whole hard drive and reload everything?

    AXEL: (Annoyed) What are you, some (bleep)in' *idiot*?! Don't call back until you get (bleep)in' smart enough to turn your computer *on*, you (bleep)in' (bleep)!

    EARTHRULE CUSTOMER: (Sounding a bit annoyed) Hey, you can't call me, um, whatever that was! Besides, *I* figured out how to keep *recipes* on my computer...uh...so there!

    AXEL: (Now really annoyed) HEY, DON'T BE (BLEEP)IN' INSULTIN' *ME*, YOU ALIEN (BLEEP)IN' (BLEEP)! WHY DON'T YOU GO COOK SOME (BLEEP)IN' PANCAKES WITH YOUR PROBABLY-SORRY-(BLEEP)IN'-PIECE-OF-JUNK-(BLEEP)-286-PC'S (BLEEP)IN' RECIPES! YOU (BLEEP)IN' GET WHAT I'M (BLEEP)IN' SAYIN'---

    EARTHRULE CUSTOMER: (Screaming) *YAAAAAH*! (Hangs up; Lobo and Axel laugh)

    LOBO: Heh, heh...*good one*! (They high-five) Me next! (Lobo answers the next caller)

    EARTHRULE CUSTOMER: (The same guy) Um...I just realized, you, like insulted me, or something...

    LOBO: LISTEN TO ME, YA FRAGGIN' FREAK! YOU CALL US AGAIN WITH YOUR WHINY PATHETIC STUPID COMPUTER PROBLEM, AND I'LL COME OVER THERE AND SHOVE YOUR PATHETIC SOFTWARE DOWN YER FRAGGIN' THROAT! (The customer screams, and hangs up)

    AXEL: (Whistles) Ya didn't even let him finish his *sentence*.... you *are* the Man!

    LOBO: Yeah...and don't you forget it! (Chuckles, as both lean back in their chairs and relax)

    MULLY: (Disgusted by this display) *Ugh*....that was the worst display of manners I've ever seen...and I've called *Microsoft* customer service!

    LOBO & AXEL: *Thank you*! (Both laugh)

    MULLY: (Shakes her head in disgust) I'd think that someone who was related to that guy on "Everyone Loves Raymond" would have nicer manners....

    LOBO: Hey, *hey*! Don't bring that up!

    AXEL: You have a *brother*? I thought you were the "last Czarnian" or somethin'...

    LOBO: Hey, whoa, I'm still cool.. that "last Czarnian" bit was, uh, that thing that's exaggerated or somethin'... (grabs a nearby Worm and shakes him around while thinking)

    MULLY: (Flatly) *Hyperbole*?

    LOBO: Yeah, that's it! (Tosses the worm across the room, who mutters an "ow!") He moved to Earth to get some role in that fraggin' sitcom...(mutters) Thinks he's so fraggin' *great*---(mimicks him) "Mom liked me best". The guy's name is Boo-Dog. Odd name for a fraggin' kid, but our parents were odd people. Oddballs and imitators surround you all the time.

    AXEL: Don't remind me...I've got to put up with all those (bleeps) apin' my actin' style...Chris Rock, Jamie Fox, and then there's that one (bleep)...the guy who acts like a complete jerk in his movies and thinks he's funny?

    MULLY: (Rolling her eyes, sarcastically) Lemme guess....Adam Sandler?

    AXEL: *Yeah*!

    LOBO: That's *rough*, man....

    (Mully sighs)

    [Cut away from this pathetic display for customer service, and to...the Alien armada...we see the sibs/Valley Girls are still locked away, and Plotz and Dudley are finishing up their final plans...]

    DUDLEY: There it is! We've...arrived!

    [Ominous music plays, as we see that the viewscreen is displaying our solar system....specifically....]

    PLOTZ: (Eyeing it lustfully) *Earth*...

    DUDLEY: *Our goal*...

    ALIEN: *And the first step to conquest*... (all three grin evilly) (To his crew) Crew! At last, we've arrived! Begin preparing for...Operation: Conquest! (The aliens scramble around preparing....)

    [We see the alien Armada enter into Earth's immediate orbit...a beam of some sort strikes a satellite in orbit around the Earth, and that satellite transmits the beam to other satellites around the Earth, before zapping a beam to various spots on the Earth below....]

    [We see the same electromagnetic shield that's trapped the Warners surround the city of Washington, DC...we also see a beam jack into the Time-Warner communications/cable system...soon, Dudley's face appears on every TV set in the country, and, thanks to the satellites, the world.]

    DUDLEY: Attention, citizens of Earth! I have taken control of both Earth's myriad of satellites, its communications, *and* the city of Washington, DC! By the command of me and my alien armada comrades, we shall take control of the Earth immediately! Resist us, and we *shall* attack with our full might! [the image flashes a shot of the alien armada] Remember my name--*DUDLEY PUPPY*! [Sounding sinister] You *shan't* be forgetting it....[the image snaps off, to be replaced by Plotz's programming lineup for this Brave New World: a 47-hour Pokemon marathon]

    PLOTZ: And it begins! Our total media rule will be *complete*! (Giggles bizarrely) Sorry...just a bit nervous.

    ALIEN: (To his allies) Begin phase *B* of the plan...

    [We see, with ominous music playing, the aliens sending down what appears to be the aforementioned neutron missiles, towards various locales on Earth....we see their target: Every McDonald's restaurant within the Los Angeles and New York City areas reduced to dust, with the denizens inside looking a bit fazed, before realizing the restaurant's been disintegrated. In New York City, we see the ACME Labs building is ensnared within an electromagnetic shield, along with every other ACME Labs building on Earth. In Orlando, D*sneyworld is also ensared within an electromagnetic shield. At the home of Loud Kiddington, a similar shield appears, along with one surrounding Acme Acres, California. In Mexico, we see an electromagnetic shield ensnare Hubie, Bertie, and Claude's Mexican hacienda, from "The Fastest Mice Alive". We see neutron missiles disintegrate the ACME Corporation's explosive and anvil manufacturing facilities. Finally, we see the satellites adjust themselves to filter only red sunlight down on the Earth...]

    DUDLEY: Success! By destroying or ensaring all of the usual haunts and aides of those cretin heroes, there's no way they can use their usual tactics to *win*! Plus, the red sun radiation being filtered down also renders the Man of Steel useless!

    ALIEN: Along with the ensaring of your native country's capital, and all its political and military leaders... (to his lackeys) Begin phase C! I want alien soldiers in every major city, armed with laser rifles! Our victory *will* be complete!

    DUDLEY: Indeed...(looking elated) At *last*! The advanced technology....the boost in intellect....the tesseract generating devices to help power most of this...at long *last*, I have *WON*! (Laughs sinisterly, along with Plotz and the alien leader...the Warners and Valley Girl witness all this, and gulp)

    CUT TO: The Enterprise, where the dismayed crew also watches the broadcast on their bridge viewscreen.)

    BILLIE: (glaring angrily) We're runnin' outta time! Eggy'd *better* be done w' that gismo soon!

    (She poises a thumb to signal him on her intercom, but just then BRAIN emerges from the turbolift, races to his station and starts punching up buttons.)

    BILLIE: Progress report, Science Officer?

    BRAIN: The tesseract-countering device is nearly completed- there's only one more component to assemble, but it requires specialized material. I'm checking the ship's inventory to see if we have anything suitable aboard.

    BILLIE: Make it so- Dudley an' Plotz are gettin' ready ta make their move! (From the Helm comes the sound of PINKY'S laughter; BILLIE turns to see he's got his nose buried deep in a copy of Madeleline L'Engle's A WRINKLE IN TIME) Ya find somethin' funny in there, Pinks?

    PINKY: Ha-ha! Wait until I tell Brain what the Bad Guy turns out to be in this story! (He holds up the book so BILLIE can see the illustration of 'It'- the evil disembodied brain.)

    BILLIE: (smiling just a bit) Yeah, that's a good one. But don't bother him with it just now.

    BRAIN: (punching a few last buttons) Yess! We do have the proper components on this ship! I'll need to use... (BRAIN's expression becomes dismayed as he reads the last data)... my entire stock of AOL disks??

    AXEL and LOBO: YESSS!! (The two men gleefully snatch off their earphones: AXEL stomps his underfoot while LOBO crushes his to powder between his palms.)

    LOBO: No more fraggin' "operators are standing by" duty for *us*!

    (BILLIE steps to the science station and lays a sympathetically arm across BRAIN'S shoulders.)

    BILLIE: Well, look at it this way, Brain; you've had a thousand World Conquest schemes crumble under ya. At least this time, it's to some purpose!

    BRAIN: (resigned) I suppose saving the Galaxy *does* have to take higher priority. (Rallying, BRAIN heads for the turbolift) I shall inform you the moment my device is ready for deployment!

    (As the Turbolift closes, BILLIE strides over to MULLY.)

    BILLIE: (low voice) Crewman Mully, I have a very importaint assignment fer ya!

    MULLY: Yes, Captain! Shall I help Brain complete his assembly?

    BILLIE: Naw, this is somethin' that requires finesse an' cunning. I need you ta distract those four Worms while I usurp all the coffee in our cargo hold.

    MULLY: (eyes wide with disbelief) You've got to be joking!

    BILLIE: Sounds like I am, don't it? But I'm not- I've got a plan ta use that coffee in out Final Confrontation, an' those night crawlers'll let the Bad Guys win, rather than give up their java. Yer the only crewmember with enough smarts, and experience dealing with Aliens, ta have any chance of lureing 'em away.

    MULLY: All right. I'll do my best- watch for my communicator signal.

    (MULLY exits the bridge. As BILLIE settles back into the Captain's chair, PINKY continues to chuckle over his book.)

    PINKY: What fun names! "Mrs. Who, Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Which...!"

    (LOBO and AXEL give each other puzzled looks.)

    AXEL: Just what *is* he reading? (Bleeping) Harry Potter?

  8. #8
    Captain Caps is offline Member
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    [Cut to Brain, who's speaking with Axel, Lobo and Pinky in Engineering...Lobo and Axel are wearing their headphones, taped back together rather sloppily]

    LOBO: Why the frag did ya call us down here, ya runt?

    BRAIN: Because, while I've been forced to melt down my supply of "Earthrule" startup disks to fuel this effort, I *have* managed to be able to still salvage this *plan*!

    AXEL: How the (bleep) do ya plan to do *that*?!

    BRAIN: Simple; even with the disks destroyed, we've managed to distribute them on that space station and Weisinger-4; that's where we'll concentrate our marketing efforts! If we can advertise the use of the services there, the people there will more than use our service in enough numbers to make the plan work! Besides, we've saturated-bombed those denizens with enough disks to rebuild the Great Wall of China...

    AXEL: Is that why you made us make that (bleep) commercial?!?

    BRAIN: (Points at a monitor) YES! Watch...

    [We see the ad start up...]

    PINKY: (VO, with stock footage of a rocket blasting off spliced over the Earthrule logo flashing in a MTV-ish fashion) New! Earthrule version 6.0! Now *you* can access the information roadway-thingy from your very own *home*!

    PINKY: (In a bad business suit) New Earthlink 6.0 allows *me* to surf the web and find out information-thingies that I need....chat rooms, instant messages, weather, uh....um....Pokemon? POIT!

    PINKY: (VO over shots of Earthrule's services in operation) Our service offers *all* this, and more! MORE! MORE! NARF! HAHAHA! Sign up today and get *50* free hours of service during the first week! POIT! Call today our toll-free number--operators are standing by!

    [Cut to a shot of Axel and Lobo... Axel looks bored, while Lobo looks ticked off....]

    AXEL: (Responding to Pinky's line, while flipping through a "Lobo" comic book) Yeah, *right*....(into his microphone) Why don't you play a game of hide-and-go-(bleep)-yourself, you moronic (bleep)-faced tool?

    LOBO: (Talking into the headset) Yeah, yah heard me, ya blasted feebs....you'll sign up fer extra mailboxes at 5 bucks more per month or I'll rip ya in two! (To the camera) That goes for the rest of you feebs, too!

    PINKY: (VO) So, sign up today! HAHAHA!

    [The ad ends....Brain looks satisfied, though Axel and Lobo don't]

    AXEL: Who the (bleep) would want to use this thing after seeing *that*?! Even *I* wouldn't want to use this thing!

    BRAIN: Well, for starters, those lights that are blinking on that communications console indicate new subscribers responding to the ad! So, you know what to do...

    AXEL: Yeah, yeah.... they better not be like that caller who wanted to know about how to push the "any" key "to continue"...

    LOBO: ...or askin' how much girlie pictures they can download---what am I, a freakin' *genius*?! I'm still figurin' that out fer myself! [The two trudge back to the console, as Brain shakes his head at this...]

    BRAIN: ANd now, to finish constructing the tesseract-countering device....come along, Pinky...

    PINKY: OK! POIT! Um...just one question, Brain: can we use a few disks for coasters? They're *really* lovely!

    BRAIN: *No*, but I'll find a different use for them.... (Brain grabs one of the disks and whaps Pinky on the head with it) Now *cease* your inane chatter, and come with me! (The two trudge off....)

    [Cut to Mully, who's in the cargo bay talking to the Worms; they're all standing in front of an enormous pile of coffee]

    WORM 1: Why did you call us here?

    WORM 2: To taste-test some java?

    WORM 3: Mmmm...java: the choice of a new generation!

    WORM 4: Maxwell House or Folger's: the eternal debate...

    MULLY: Well, Billie needs you to...er...um...

    WORMS: Yes?

    MULLY: (Nervous) Aaaah....(thinks) Hmph...wonder how Sculder would've dealt with this... (Speaks) Um....you have to....go to the galley and make us something to eat for lunch!

    WORMS: (Gibbering about making lunch)

    WORM 1: Lunch?

    WORM 2: Need lots of coffee?

    WORM 3: Got enough of it to feed an army.

    WORM 4: Or us on a slow afternoon....

    MULLY: That's right...but we won't be needing coffee. Instead, we'll all be drinking...uh....water.

    [The Worms spit at this]

    WORM 1: *WATER*?!?

    WORM 2: Might as well drink, well, *water*...

    WORM 3: Couldn't you at least dump something in it for flavor?

    WORM 4: Like...*java*?

    MULLY: Er....no. Captain's trying to cut back. But we'll call for you as soon as the meal's ready. (The Worms exit) Now to get this coffee up to the Engineering lab, per Billie's request... (flips open a classic-"Trek" style communicator) Transporter room...beam entire contents of cargo hold #2 to Engineering. (We see the transporter, making the classic "Trek" teleportation sound effects, beam the coffee bags to Engineering...)

    [In the hall to the mess all, the Worms seem less than chipper...]

    WORM 1: Something's up....

    WORM 2: The stars?

    WORM 3: More like dirty trick...

    WORM 4: Mully was acting suspicious...

    WORM 1: Like J did when he tried to use the LTD when Zed wasn't looking....

    WORM 2: All nervous and using lots of "ums" and "aahs" in his speech....

    WORM 3: Bad speech skills, or just trying to trick us?

    WORM 4: Trick us into being away from--- (all realize)

    WORMS: THE JAVA! (the worms all zoom back to the now-empty and Mully-free cargo hold, to find the cargo hold empty of their coffee....they all gasp)

    WORM 1: What use could they have? They drink... (gags) *decaf*!

    WORM 2: Maybe they're trying to make us *cut back*...

    WORM 3: Or use it for some sort of experiment!

    WORM 4: Experimenting on java? Isn't that outlawed by the Geneva Convention?

    WORM 1: Worms, we know what we must do---

    WORM 2: Which is---?

    WORM 3: *FREE THE JAVA*! *JAVA FOR ALL*!

    WORM 4: Except for that Wakko guy....Mr. "Decaf Only".. (gags)

    WORM 1: We must draw up plans! *FREE THE JAVA*! *COFFEE FOR THE COMMON WORMS*!

    (They murmur in agreement, clasp hands and race off for their mess hall to draw up plans for freeing their huge cargo of coffee...)

    [Cut to the Earth, where the alien invasion is going along even more smoothly than expected...we see the aliens have already landed in various major cities on the Earth, laser rifles in hand. In Chicago, we see the staff of WGN forced to air "Max Steel" and "Pokemon" episodes in place of their usual Chicago Bulls games. In New York City, we see armed aliens force Times Square to be converted over to show images/ads devoted to only "Dawson's Creek", "Nikki" and AOL. In Mexico, we see armed aliens force a giant statue of Dudley Puppy to be erected in the middle of a Mexican village; we see Speedy Gonzales is also entrapped within an electromagnetic sphere by one of the aliens. And in Washington, D.C., we see Dudley himself is seated inside of the Oval Office, along with the Alien Leader...]

    DUDLEY: (INto a communicator) How goes it, minions?

    ALIEN: (Over communicator) We've rounded up every leader of a country that's a member of this world's "United Nations" within the UN Building in New York, and holding them prisoner!

    [We see various leaders teleported continuously into the UN main assembly hall, with a electromagnetic forcefield over the entire building...]

    PRESIDENT BUSH: Let me outta here! Lemme out, I say! What are you people---disgruntled Floridans?!?

    TONY BLAIR: My *word*.... (sees the aliens) Georgie old boy, you really *must* do something about that genetically-modified foods you're trying to peddle...it seems to be doing a *number* to your own citizenry!

    PRES. BUSH: Heh, look who's talking, Mr. "Our country can't make a decent meal if it even knew what a cookbook *was*!"

    TONY BLAIR: Oh, *really*?! Well, I---

    [Cut away from this almost-eerily-typical political bickering, to Dudley...he's looking at a WGN newscast]

    ANCHORWOMAN: And with the alien invasion deemed a rousing success, newly-named Earth Dictactor Dudley Puppy and his Co-Dictator, uh, "Alien Leader", have begun their reign of Earth with a declaration of today as "Dudley Day", where all of his old films will be aired nonstop on---(gasps) *this station*! Soon to be followed by various other innovations of life under our new overlords. (Grins forced) Well, I'm sure we all look forward to seeing what new innovations they have to give us, right Biff?

    BIFF: We *sure do*, Wendy! (Chuckles forcedly) (Muttering) I hate my life. (Feels a laser rifle poking him in the back) Er, that is, my life the way it was *before* our new rulers came to power! After these messages for the next Pokemon film, we'll be back with stories on: "Stewie Griffin: New Sub-Overlord of South America" [A shot of Stewie dressed in dictator clothes, looking over a balcony in Argentina at shouting throngs, with alien guards at his side]...I'm Biff Skipman.

    WENDY: And I'm Wendy Franchetti. We'll be right back... (Looks warily off-camera) ...I *hope*.

    Wendy walks off camera, and dials up a number on the phone.

    Wendy: Um, is this K-VGS? Good. Please connect me to Reginald Thompkins, please. I have to talk to him immediately.

    Cut back to DUDLEY.

    DUDLEY: Excellent! {to his communicator} Now, see to it that we send part of our fleet after the "Enterprise" to take out those rodents and their friends once and for all!

    ALIEN: (VO) Right, sir!

    DUDLEY: Oh, and tell Plotz that we'll be transporting those Warners and two girls into their water tower, where they'll be locked away within an electromagnetic forcefield---FOREVER!

    [Cut to the gangsters---Rocky, Muggsy, and "20", in case you've forgotten. They seem to be arguing over some aspect of their Dudley-and-Alien-gotten crime spree freedom....we see they're standing inside of an abandoned New York City warehouse, in front of a large pile of loot---namely, the contents of the Smithsonian Museum, apparently gained courtesy of their Alien friends and Dudley Puppy...]

    "20": (Over a map of the world) OK, let's get it straight, bub----*I* get all of Europe, Asia, and Northern Africa for my "legitimate business" dealings, and *you* get to have Australia, Central America, and Russia!

    ROCKY: *WHAT*?! I think *not*, my "friend"....and I use the term *loosely*. It seems you're attemptin' to ensure that your operations are larger than my *own*...when we all know that I'm the one who's the brainiest one in here!

    MUGGSY: Daaah, I thought that big-headed mousey was the biggest brain we've seen---(Rocky slaps Muggsy to shut him up)

    ROCKY: [To "20"] Well, it seems that we'll have to agree to disagree...so, I'll be takin' my share of this loot, and splittin'... (Grabs the Fonz's jacket and a pile of "Peanuts" comic strips) Get movin', Muggsy...

    "20": Ha...not likely. If you're going to be like *this*, then, "friend", I'll have to insist you give me, oh....99% of these goods as our "severance" fee?

    ROCKY: Not likely...this is more of a hostile takeover... (whips out his pistol, and aims it at "20". Muggsy just stands there looking dazed, until Rocky pokes him, and he draws his pistol as well)

    MUGGSY: Daaah, reaches fer the skies, or somethin'...

    ROCKY: What Muggs said, "20". Stick 'em up! We're not letting you get away with this little scam of yers....

    "20": Rocky, *baby*, sweetheart...ya don't wanna do *this*.

    ROCKY: I think we *do*...

    "20": (Sighs) Very well, then...I was afraid something like this might happen. So, I'm afraid I'll have to call in some "favors" of my own....

    ROCKY: *Favors*?!

    ["20" claps his hands, and we see beam into the room none other than a few of the Aliens, dressed like 1930's-era gangsters...one of them steps forward]

    "20": Rocky, meet "Light-Years" Louie, the biggest extraterrestrial gangster this side of the Orion belt. While you were drooling over your plans to divvy up the Earth, I was making contact with this member of our new alien friends. He wants to expand his territory to Earth, now that that dog and Alien Leader of theirs have taken over the Earth, and wishes to work with yours truly to eliminate any mutual..."competition".

    ROCKY: (More flatly than usual) *Space gangsters*....gangsters from *space*. (Lets out a big sigh) Y'know, Muggs, I can see why dose puppy-kids complain so much about how dumb these writers' ideas are...

    MUGGSY: Daaah, I sort of like it! (Laughs, until Rocky smacks him)

    ROCKY: You *would*...now shaddup.

    LOUIE: (Speaking/looking a bit like Al Capone, albeit green-skinned and with antenna) Yeah! So, get this straight, Rocky...we're movin' in on this hunk of rock, *see*? And ya ain't doin' nothin' about it! Yeah!

    ROCKY: Oh, *yeah*? (Rocky snaps his fingers, and we see step out from behind a large pile of paintings is none other than several well-dressed gangsters in suits and fedoras, a la the "Batman" cartoon series) These are *my* hired goons...

    MUGGSY: Hey! What about me, Rocky?

    ROCKY: Don't worry, I ain't forgettin' about *youse*, Muggs... (Whaps him on the head) Now then, gentlemen, shall we...? (Rocky's gang draws their pistols and aim at "20" and his alien gang members... "20" draws his own pistol, along with Light-Years Louie and his alien gang cohorts drawing laser-pistols of their own...)

    [A few moments later, we see outside of the building the gang members fleeing to seperate vehicles, firing bullets and lasers at each other. We see Rocky and his gang hop into a 1930's-era getaway car, and take off, firing behind them.... we also see "20" and "Light-Years" Louie's gang get in a seperate car, and take off after Rocky, firing laser-fire all the while....]

    [As the two careen through the city, their gun/laser-fire singes the hat off of a portly-looking man seated at a corner cafe in front of a large pile of spaghetti....he turns around, and grows very annoyed...we see it's none other than---the Godfather]

    GODFATHER: (Looking at his ruined fedora] Ooooh, those guys will be sleepin' with the fishes *tonight*! [Seeing their cars are still in sight, the Godfather whips out a pistol, and opens fire...we see that suddenly, his gang, also at the same cafe, open fire as well...one of the bullets singes the hair of a man standing across the street with several other men...namely, one "Fat Tony" of the "Simpsons" fame.]

    "FAT" TONY: (Angered) I see a man cannot come to this great city to "expand" his business "opportunities" without being *harassed* by the "local" competition... (to his gang) *Boys*... (they whip out their pistols, and open fire back at the Godfather's gang...in the speeding cars, the two gangsters turn around, and open fire back at the gangs that fired at them....we soon see that this gang warfare erupts throughout the city, with the various gangs' members firing bullets (or lasers) at each other. A few gang members hurl opponents through windows, while others loot a few stores. We hear about 20 seconds of Public Enemy's smash hit "Fight The Power")

    [Cut to Dudley, who's seeing a news report on all this on the news...]

    NEWSANCHOR: And so, on top of alien overlords and aging cartoon canines taking control of the Earth, it seems that New York City itself is embroiled in a rash of gangster-related warfare! (A laser blast blows a hole in the wall behind her) Er...more on this breaking story as it develops. (Another laser blasts a hole in her desk; the anchorwoman grows angered, and storms off the set, yelling about "This is *almost* as bad as covering New Year's partyers in Times Square! I'm outta here...." Cut to Dudley and the Alien Leader in the Oval Office, watching news coverage of this on TV.)

    DUDLEY: (Shakes his head) Pathetic simpleton gangsters....(sighs) Ah, well...guess it's *their* city to do with as they please. Besides, it's not like New York could be any worse than it already *is*....

    ALIEN LEADER: What about getting the earth delicacy known as the bagel at approximately 2 A.M. Eastern Standard Time as often as one desires?

    DUDLEY: (Waves his hand) Yeah, *including* buying bagels... (thinks) Hmm...care for one? I'm getting a bit famished with all this planetary conquest/rule...

    ALIEN LEADER: (Shrugs) Sure, why not? (The two summon for their aides to go out and buy some bagels, as we cut to the "Enterprise" crew, who're watching this on the main viewscreen's reception of the newscast. The ship's apparently still a ways away from Earth...]

    BILLIE: Things are gettin' *worse*! There's no time to waste! We've got to get back to Earth *pronto*! (To Axel) Mr. Foley, set course for Earth---*maximum warp*!

    AXEL: Maximum warp? Um...OK. Though it sounds like a pretty (bleep)in' ludicrous speed ta me... (Enters warp factor 9.9 into the console, and presses "engage"...we see the Enterprise take off for Earth at top speed, with the ship seemingly about to fly apart from the stress of this high speed. The crew are all strained back in their seats from the sheer speed...)

    BILLIE: (Gripping the side of her seat as the entire ship rattles) C'mon...hold together.... (we see her coffee cup rattle off and crash onto the floor)

    [Cut to just outside of Earth's solar system, where we see the alien attack fleet Dudley ordered sent puttering forward...suddenly, we see the "Enterprise" tear through the fleet, sending them scattering.]

    BILLIE: (Strained voice) OK, I think we're near Earth's solar system....cut back to impulse now!

    AXEL: (Strained voice) *Now*?!

    BILLIE: (Also strained voice) *NOOOOW*!

    [Axel, strained back in his seat, presses a button to cut power to the warp drive; instantly, the ship pulls out of warp, close to the Earth; with the sudden speed stopped, we see Axel fling forward and smash head-first into the wall below the viewscreen. A series of explitives are heard.]

    AXEL: (Finishing his profane tirade) Stupid (bleep) "Spaceballs" reference...

    BILLIE: (Hopping out of her seat) Eggy, is that tesseract-countering device finished yet?

    BRAIN: (Pushing buttons on his console) It's ready to engage...at the expense of my remaining supply of Earthrule startup disks. (Frowns) But at any rate, I've been unable to boost the range to effect the entire array of tesseract-based weapons to a sufficient level...

    BILLIE: (Thinking) I *knew* I shouldn't have stopped helpin' Eggy when I did... (Speaking) So, this means....?

    BRAIN: You shall have to boost the range of a relayed signal from the Earth's surface...(Holds up a PADD) We merely shall go to a television station in both New York and Washington, DC, and enter these computations into their satellite dish and transmitting tower arrays. Then, train the tesseract-countering device at the station in New York, and both TV stations in New York and Washington will together be able to boost the signal's power to a sufficient force to disrupt all of these aliens' weaponry!

    LOBO: Uh....huh?

    MULLY: It *means* that we've got some work to do....

    JOANIE: Lemme guess? "Divide and conquer"? Isn't that your usual tactic in these sort of adventures?

    AXEL: (Moans, rubbing his head as he removes his Earthrule headphones) Afraid (bleep)in' so....

    LOBO: Great... (Yanks off his Earthrule headphones and tosses them aside) I need some exercise.... (Cracks his knuckles)

    BILLIE: Very well then....(Holds up a paper with plans on them) Axel, Joanie, Morris, and Lobo shall go to the Empire State Building in New YOrk and set up the transmitter coordinates there. I'd also suggest trying to find a way to stop the gang war going on there while you're at it...

    AXEL: Great! So we (bleep)in' die *first*....

    LOBO: Feh...the only ones dyin' around there is gonna be those alien punks...I want to get my bike back from those alien feebs! And after the way they blew up all of our fight warrior treasure moolah, they're gonna get double their pleasure with *double* the *pain*!

    BILLIE: Um...yeah. (Shakes her head at this violence) OK, the next team shall be me, Eggy, Pinky, and Mully. We'll go to Washington D.C.'s top TV station and set up the coordinates there. And while there, we'll try to find and free the Warners; I get the feeling they've spent so much time settin' up shop, that the Warners and Valley Girls are locked away somewhere in Washington as a "B" priority before they're locked in the Water Tower...

    BRAIN: Very well...

    BILLIE: And finally, I want Slappy, Skippy, and...(looks disapprovingly) the *Worms*...to stay on board the ship. Make sure any of those alien ships don't try to mount an attack from space. You'll also be needed to activate the tesseract-countering device when we say so. Got it?

    WORM 1: You can count on us!

    WORM 2: Unless we're deprived of a certain tasty liquid's main source...

    WORM 3: (Accusingly) Say....100 tons of *COFFEE BEANS*?!?

    WORM 4: (Accusingly) What'd ya do with it, toots?

    WORM 1: Sell it on the black coffee market?

    WORM 2: Use it for some heinous experiment against all moral standards of java?

    WORM 4: Maybe she's just planning on forcing us to cut *back*.... (the Worms all begin spitting in disgust)

    BILLIE: (Caught off guard) Um...well I...er.... (turns annoyed) Look, I saved you a few bags over there (Points to a corner with a few coffee bags) I needed the rest for the secret weapon I've got in store for those goons during the Final Confrontation---OK?!

    WORMS: (Eyeing the bag) OK! (They race over to the bag; Slappy moans)

    SLAPPY: Great...I'm captain of the U.S.S. Worm Squad. (Sighs) Get to yer stations, ya freakin' fish bait.... (They scramble to the seperate bridge stations)

    WORM 1: (Holding up a cup of joe) To arms!

    WORM 2: For java!

    WORM 3: For not having to carry out our plan for getting the coffee beans back!

    WORM 4: Um....guess we should put those phasers back...

    SLAPPY: (Sighs)

    BILLIE: OK....now, everyone, after you're all done with your seperate tasks, we'll meet back near the White House in D.C., and take on those villainous thugs in the Final Confrontation! (All cheer) Come on, guys---to the transporter room! And remember---set phasers on "stun". No tellin' what's in store for us....[they all do so, except for Mully, who checks her pistol to see if it's loaded, and Lobo, who whips out his Big Futuristic-Looking Gun and ogles it gleefully. We soon see Axel, Joanie, Morris, and Lobo beam down to New York City, and Billie, Brain, Pinky, and Mully beam down to Washington DC, with Slappy, Skippy, and the Worms staying behind on the bridge....]

  9. #9
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    [Cut to Dudley and the Alien Leader, who's now joined by Plotz in the Oval Office...he's getting some sort of a report on this unexpected hero appearance]

    DUDLEY: WHAT?! They just decimated half the alien fleet by slamming into them at a high warp?!? (Growls like the dog that he is) And worse, they're rumored to be in New York and Washington?!? That's it...time to send out the "welcome wagon" for those losers!

    ALIEN MINION: Um, sirs....every time in the past that this "welcome wagon" has been sent out, they've found a way to defeat the usual ninja-thugs. You aren't planning on resorting to an obviously failed and passive tactic again, are you?

    DUDLEY: Of course not! In fact.... (thinks using his super-intelligence) I've just computated a way to get rid of those losers, in a *non-passive* manner.... Plotz, do you happen to have that Pikachu...more specifically, recycled stock footage of the same?

    PLOTZ: Erm....of course. (Scratches his head) But why?

    DUDLEY: Because, we're going to give those idiotic heroes a dose of their doing what I like to call..."PULLING A TEAM ROCKET"! (Draws a diagram on paper) Set up recycled stock footage of Pikachu in both New York City *and* Washington D.C.---with you controlling their every move, we'll have those losers shocked so hard, they'll be flung clear into a low Earth orbit! (Laughs sinisterly) It's so calculatedly complex, it's---simple! And who knows...maybe the alien minions will get them with laser rifle fire first!

    [The villains all laugh, as Plotz orders his minions to set up the recycled stock footage Pikachus in each city as Dudley asked....]

    Cut to New York City, where the massive gang war is still going on. We see various gangsters (all dressed in suits and fedoras) throwing trash cans at each other, driving through the streets at high speed, etc. etc. We soon see Lobo, Axel, Joanie, and Morris beam directly in front of the Empire State Building.]

    JOANIE: Great...we're here! Now all we have to do is go up to the top floor, enter these coordinates Brain gave us into the television transmittor control eqiupment at the top of the building, and---

    MORRIS: (Pointing) Kiss our butts goodbye?! (We see he's pointing at various gang members dueling it out)

    AXEL: Oh, right, *that*. Well, (bleep) it...looks like I'll have to take the high road here and start layin' down the (bleep)in' congressional law on these (bleep)s!

    JOANIE: Um, right....

    [We see Axel go over to several gang members dueling it out, an ordinary-looking gangster and an Alien gangster]

    AXEL: Hey, hey! Cut it out---I'm Axel Foley, former Detroit cop-turned-congressman, and by, uh, authority of the United States Congress, I'm askin' all of you to stop this (bleep)---don't make me get congressional on your (bleep)s!

    JOANIE: (Sighs)

    ALIEN GANGSTER: (Talking like the stereotypical "stupid" gangster) Youse must be important, cause I ain't never seen anyone talks so goods before.....

    JOANIE: (Sighs even harder)

    HUMAN GANGSTER: Duh, yeah! (Realizing something) Hey, waitaminute---this guy's from the *Feds*! He'll turn us all in! (They turn their guns on Axel)

    AXEL: Look, don't make me use this (bleep)in' thing----besides, I thought that (bleep) Dudley and you alien (bleep)s took over the government! (Realizing) Which means until they're thrown out I *don't* have much authority....

    ALIEN GANGSTER: Hey, you're *right*! (Points his laser-gun at Axel) OK, you mug, you're goin' to be sleepin' in Spacey Jones' locker tonight!

    JOANIE: (Flatly, with her eyes narrowed) "Spacey Jones"?! OK, that's it---"space gangsters" are bad enough, but I'm not about to sit here and watch a rehash of the "Jetsons" play out with a bunch of bad "space" puns....

    MORRIS: Heh, heh..."Spacey Jones"...(Joanie glares at him) OK, geez! Settle down...

    [Joanie walks over to the aliens, and makes a few judo moves; she karate-chops the Alien Gangster in the stomach, and does a flying kick, slamming into the human gangster; they're both out for the count.]

    AXEL: Hey! How the (bleep) didn't you tell us you could do that before?

    JOANIE: It never came up....with all the attention paid to those mice and puppy-kids and you, I haven't had much of a chance to shine in this thing. [ties up the gangsters, and takes their weaponry] Better get rid of these, as well... (aims her phaser, and fires at the guns, disintegrating them) Come on, let's get going to the Empire State Building....

    [Moments later, we see at a television transmitter control station near the top floor, the heroes have entered Brain's coordinates...as they leave the Building:]

    JOANIE: Well, if all is entered according to plan, the tesseract-countering device should go off without a hitch.

    LOBO: Cool...and the sooner that happens, the sooner I get to stomp those aliens into a pile of goo, right?

    JOANIE: (Rolls her eyes) I suppose so, Lobo, but I---- hey, what's that?

    [We see standing in front of the group is, of all things....Pikachu?!]

    AXEL: (Annoyed) What th--?! It's that electrified (bleep)in' rat Pikachu again! (To Pikachu) Beat it! We ain't having anything to do with you (bleep)in' (bleep)!

    JOANIE: Um, he looks kind of....angry.

    [We see in a jerkily, recycled-stock-footage-like manner [as if "Pokemon" were animated any *other* way] Pikachu utter a few "pika pika"'s, and begins to emit electrical charges....one bolt zaps rather close to the group, namely a trash can; we see the can sent hurling skyward before it disappears from sight with a flash of light, a la Team Rocket's usual defeat. The heroes gasp]

    AXEL: (BLEEP)! Those (bleep)s Dudley and Plotz must've sent this (bleep)er after us!

    LOBO: Feh...I ain't afraid of some yellow, uh, cat....

    JOANIE: It's "supposedly" a mouse...

    LOBO: *Whatever*....it's gonna face a new world of hurtin'!

    JOANIE: Don't you ever get tired of saying that?

    LOBO: Hey, what can I say? I *like* hurting....

    JOANIE: Um....yeah.

    [We see Lobo walk over to Pikachu, and grabs it; Pikachu utters a few angry "pika"s and emits a charge, shocking Lobo and giving him a rather Afro-like hairdo in the process. Lobo emits a few puffs of smoke....]

    LOBO: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: *fragger*. (Winds up to give Pikachu a punch, but Joanie grabs his fist]

    JOANIE: Wait! If you punch him, he might get even *angrier*!

    LOBO: Then how do ya want me to get rid of this little fragging thing? I ain't even got any *rat poison*!

    JOANIE: (Sarcastically) You *don't*?

    LOBO: Hey, money's tight this week.

    JOANIE: Well, at any rate...*RUN*! (They do so, as Pikachu fires another blast of electricity, disintegrating a nearby streetpost...)

    [At the White House, we see this stock-footage Pikachu's being controlled by Plotz, via a monitor and a joystick-like device...]

    PLOTZ: Accursed joy sticks! I knew I should've sprung for the deluxe model... (he hits the "fire" button, missing the fleeing heroes)

    DUDLEY: *Oh, give me that*! (Takes the joystick) Let me handle this.... (begins firing, with greater accuracy....cutting back to New York,we see the heroes are fleeing in, of all things, a taxicab....stalking-like music plays, as they see the Pikachu streaks down the street after the speeding cab....)

    LOBO: Hey, ya fraggin' driver! Get the lead out!

    DRIVER: (Who bears a resemblance to Tony Danza) Sorry, mac...but we've got traffic problems up ahead!

    [The cab streaks to a stop, as we see a large gang-related shootout scene is blocking the street.... we also see Pikachu bounding up. Letting loose an electrical blast, it disintegrates the taxicab, leaving all the occupants sitting in the middle of the street, with the driver still clutching the now-crumbling steering wheel.]

    DRIVER: Awww....Louie ain't going to like *this* one...(walks off)

    [The gangs turn their attention away from each other, and towards this unusual scene]

    GANGSTER 1: Hey, *look*! It's that electrified rat, uh, thing!

    GANGSTER 2: Let's take it out! That'll win the boss' favor...Fat Tony *hates* that thing!

    GANGSTER 3: No way....the death of that obnoxious overmerchandised children's icon shall belong to the gang of the *Godfather*!

    ALIEN GANGSTER: Nope..."Light-Years" Louie's gonna pay big bucks for his own little generator! (Whips out his laser-weapon) I'll set it on "scrooch" and drag the little fuzz ball back to our Orion belt hideout! He'll give me boffo space-bucks fer this haul!

    JOANIE: (Growing irate) "Space-bucks"?!? "Light-Years Louie"?!?

    LOBO: Babe...let it go.

    JOANIE: (Flatly) *Right*.

    [The large group of gangsters all converge, and race towards the Pikachu....Pikachu emits a large thunderbolt blast, targeted at the heroes; however, they duck out of the way at the last minute. We see the blast instead hit the gangsters, with the "x-ray skeleton" gag seen. We soon see a large explosion, with the result being the large gangster group being sent skyward; all are screaming, as they hurtle over the horizon and out of sight.]

    MORRIS: Aw right! Those gang guys are, like, gone! (Walks over to Pikachu) Hey, little guy---guess you aren't so bad, after all, huh?

    AXEL, LOBO & JOANIE: *NO*!

    AXEL: You crazy (bleep)! What're you doing?!?

    MORRIS: He's really nice....I'm sure of it! [bends down to pat Pikachu]

    AXEL: Stop, ya (bleep)in' (bleep)! Didn't you ever see "Pokemon" before?! Those "Team Rocket" (bleep)s get blown up at the end of every (bleep)in' show!

    [Axel runs over to stop Morris, but it's too late; Pikachu emits a long "pika", before using his thunderbolt attack move to emit a *HUGE* electrical bolt discharge at Morris and, caught in its wake, Axel. We see the blast can be seen for miles outside of Manhattan. The blast is soon followed by an enormous explosion, of which when the smoke clears, we see that Morris and Axel are flying skyward, their clothes smoldering...]

    AXEL: (Enraged) (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP)!

    MORRIS: Guess he wasn't so friendly after all....

    AXEL: (Enraged) YOU (BLEEP)! OF COURSE HE (BLEEP)IN' *WASN'T*! WHAT THE (BLEEP) DID YOU THINK YOU WERE *DOING*?!?

    MORRIS: Um...being friendly?

    AXEL: (Still enraged) (BLEEP)! I DON'T (BLEEP)IN' BELIEVE THIS! PULLING A (BLEEP)ING "TEAM ROCKET"---WHAT THE (BLEEP) IS *THIS*?!?

    JOANIE: (Gasps) *Morris*! *Axel*!

    MORRIS: Sorry, Joanie, but it looks like---

    AXEL: BRAINATRA'S SACRFICING HIS LOVE OF KIDS' WB CARTOONS FOR THE SAKE OF A CHEAP REFERENCE TO A SHOW HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE AGAIN!(We see the two heroes hurl skyward even more quickly, before vanishing over the horizon with a flash of light, the way "Team Rocket" does. Lobo and Joanie gasp. Back in DC, we see Dudley and Plotz high-five each other. Cutting back to NYC...]

    LOBO: OK, that's it! Nobody blows up the main man's sidekicks...

    JOANIE: (Raising an eyebrow) "Sidekicks"?

    LOBO: ...and gets away with it! (Lobo walks over to Pikachu, picks him up, and drop kicks him...we see the stock-footage Pikachu emit pika-noises to the sound of "we're blasting off again", before vanishing over the horizon.)

    LOBO: (Chuckles) Heh, heh...score one for the Main Man.

    JOANIE: And score *two* for the bad guys! Those goons have taken out *Axel*!
    (Pauses, before speaking again in a less-worried-tone) And *Morris* too, I guess. Come on, we've got to get to Washington and help the rest of the guys! I wouldn't be surprised if those goons had the same trap in store for Billie and the gang....
    [Joanie and Lobo exit for D.C.....]

    [Cut to the "Enterprise", where with the "MiB" TV series incidential music playing. We see the Worms are standing in front of Slappy and Skippy....]

    WORM 1: Awww, why do we have to do this?

    WORM 2: Why us?

    SLAPPY: Because Zalgar-the-janitor called in sick, *that*'s why! (Does a double-take) Waitaminute....first of all, the only Zalgar we know is that flippin' alien brain-eater guy who wants Brain. Second of all, (whips out a script labelled "MiB") This is the wrong show's *dialogue*. Though I guess we should be glad those hack writers haven't thrown *either* Zalgar into this thing....or knowing those hacks, *both*.

    WORM 1: Woops, must have been a mix-up.

    WORM 2: You know how it goes.

    WORM 3: Blame the Hollywood screen writers' strike.

    WORM 4: Or blame Canada.

    WORM 1: Are we going to sing?

    WORM 2: I hope not...wormy sings off-key.

    WORM 3: HEY!

    SLAPPY: (Groans) Look, you walking fish-bait....

    WORMS: *Fish*?! (They begin spitting in disgust)

    SLAPPY: (Annoyed) Just man the stations, while we wait for those guys to finish setting up those coordinates so we can activate that tesseract-whatsits doohickey.

    WORMS: YES, MA'AM! {They zip to the weapons and navigation stations)

    SLAPPY: Are systems charged to maximum?

    WORM 1: All systems a-ok!

    WORM 2: Java-making systems are charged to maximum!

    SLAPPY: (Grits her teeth) Our *weapons* systems, Starbucks-boy.

    WORM 3: But Java's a *weapon*...

    WORM 4: If in the right hands.

    WORM 1: Or *Wakko*'s hands.

    WORM 2: (Looks at the scanners) Um....did anyone order java-for-delivery?

    SKIPPY: Um, no.

    WORM 3: Not *I*....

    WORM 2: Oh...then, does it mean this is *bad*? (Puts the picture on the main viewscreen; it's of an alien attack fleet)

    SLAPPY: This is *bad*. (To the Worms) Man the battle stations!

    (The worms begin pushing buttons randomly, as the ship fires phasers and lurches about the scene....however, the weapons don't even come close to hitting any of the attacking fleet.)

    SLAPPY: I was *wrong*....this is *worse* than bad.

    [The Worms all scream in fear, as the alien attack fleet draws ever closer to the ship....]

    [We see the Worms are clutching each other, screaming...Slappy looks irate at the screen, before pounding her fist on the captain's chair.]

    SLAPPY: Aaaah, I ain't goin' down without a fight! Those mooks blew up my Bicentennial Vulture ship thingamajig---and I only had *two* payments left on it! (Walks over to the weapons station, and shoves one of the Worms aside) Out of the way, ya walkin' fish bait---it's *showtime*!

    WORM 1: Not HBO?

    WORM 2: They run the "Sopranos".

    WORM 3: And "Oz".

    WORM 4: Though Showtime did run that miniseries with Olympia Dukakis playing a landlady...

    WORM 1: Oh, yeah....

    WORM 2: If you ask me, she carried that whole thing...

    SLAPPY: (Annoyed) Zip it, already! [Punches a few buttons, and we see several photon torpedoes are launched towards the alien armada...the torpedoes fly past the fleet, and a zoom in reveals the aliens look relieved. However, we see the torpedoes repel off the Hubble Telescope (cracking a mirror in the process), and head back towards the unsuspecting fleet. Before they realize what's happening, the entire fleet is blown to bits, with the aliens fleeing to Earth in escape pods....]

    SLAPPY: (Chuckling) Whaddya know---that Hubble thing's good fer somethin' besides fuzzy space photos after all!

    WORM 1: You saved us!

    WORM 2: And didn't have to subscribe to Showtime...

    WORM 3: Or its inferior counterpart, The Movie Channel...

    WORM 4: What do we do now, mon capitan?

    SLAPPY: Now we....sit down and relax, while those guys set up that last tesseract-thingamajig relay thingie down in D.C. so we can put these losers' weapons off line fer good. (Sits down) Bring me some of that walnut-flavored coffee, wouldja? Oooh, and some biscotti...I love chocolate on a stick.

    [The worms scramble to comply with this order....]

    [While this is going on, let's catch up on the events on Earth, shall we? We'll roll back to some time before this prior scene....rolling...rollling...]

    And as we roll back to some time ago, we join the mightiest teen on Earth as he breaches the lair of a vile and sinister villain....

    SUPERBOY: You're *through*, Rapmaster! (Sees several tied up figures in the room) *Gasp*---- I don't believe it! You've kidnapped Brett Sprungsteen! I thought you specialized in *rap music*... (glances to a tied up group of people in gold chains, hats, and sweatsuit-type clothing) as evidenced by also kidnapping the rap group "Drive DMV"...

    RAPMASTER: (who looks a lot like LL Cool J) Ah, but I *do*, Superbrat---by sidelining America's favorite rock musician and Farm Aid draw, *along* with a popular urban musical group, I'll *ruin* Smallville's summer music festival by replacing them with music designed to subdue the entire town into doing my bidding, with the aid of my specialized machine! (Puts a 45 record on a turntable) When they all check out *this* sound, it'll put everyone, even *you*, to sleep! [Puts the needle on the record; the sounds of "I Love You Just the Way You Are" start up....]

    SUPERBOY: (Realizes he's becoming drowsy) Can't....stay....awake! Like...being...trapped....in...elevator....must....stop....evil....*plan*... (collapses on the floor half-asleep, as the Rapmaster laughs)

    RAPMASTER: Now *I'll* be the number one man in Smallville! (Laughs sinisterly)

    *How* will the Teen of Steel get out of *this* one? Keep reading, and....oh...wait....this isn't the right story at *all*. Um...oops. Better get back to the *real* story, then...

    [Cut back to the *real* "action"....or "inaction", as it were: namely, the Warners and Valley Girls, still trapped inside of their energy sphere.]

    DOT: Goody...we're *still* trapped inside this sphere. And a pointless superhero aside had more action in six paragraphs of dialogue than we've had for *HALF THIS FREAKIN' STORY*! (Screams)

    CALLI: Whoa...like, um, chill out, OK?

    DOT: Yeah, right...this is *worse* than "39 Characters" was! At least when we were trapped *there*, we....um....wait, no, this *isn't* as bad as that story. My mistake. (Grins broadly)

    YAKKO: (Sighs) Any ideas how to get out of this? [Imitates Ben Stein] *Anyone*? *Anyone*?! Wakko?!

    WAKKO: Um....no.

    YAKKO: Hmph....well, guys, I guess we'll have to wait until someone rescues us...which, seeing as those aliens have fixed it by blowin' up the ACME explosives and anvil factories, doesn't do us much good. We can't even use our usual cheap cartoon gags to take out those guys...

    DOT: So what do we do in the meantime?

    YAKKO: (Whips out a copy of "Variety") We could read all the reviews that rip into really bad movies....

    DOT: Ooooh, look! "Josie: What *Bombed*, Pussycat?" Heehee....

    [And as the sibs and Valley Girls prepare to read the bad movie reviews, we cut to the mice and Mully, who've now met back up with Joanie and Lobo in an alley in Washington, D.C., who're explaining what happened in NYC....]

    JOANIE: ...and anyway, those bums managed to blow Axel and Morris to kingdom come! No idea where they went....

    BRAIN: Hmm...Pinky, you happen to be a fan of that psychedelic-like program...do you happen to know what happens when someone quote-unquote "goes blasting off again"?

    PINKY: Oooh, well, Team Rocket gets shocked by Pikachu, then they go in *really* slow motion into the sky, then they go really fast and say "we're blasting off agaaaaiiiinnn!", then they disappear in this little flash of light and everyone's *happy wappy*! HAHAHA!

    BRAIN: Hm....so basically, Axel and Morris are until further notice, missing in action as casualties in this fight against Dudley and the aliens. (Pounds his fist into his hand) Blast! We could've used their talents to....

    BILLIE: (Filing her nails) To *what*?! I mean, it's...*Axel*.

    BRAIN: (Trails off) To...to...well, I suppose Axel's aggressive, in-your-face verbal skills would've done some good against some of these aliens. As for Morris....um....well....uh....*anyway*, with Axel missing, this makes our mission that much harder, with less manpower available!

    BILLIE: Good thing we've gotten the tesseract-countering relay device all set up inside the Washington Monument without much incident....looks as if there's too much chaos for the aliens to take much notice with that place...

    BRAIN: Yes....(Pulls out a remote control device) And soon, those aliens' devices shall all be rendered useless... (Whips out his communicator) Slappy? Are you in position?

    SLAPPY'S VOICE: Huh? Oh, yeah...we're all set up here--so get it over with, already! [Apparently to the worms] I said *light* cream, ya yutzes!

    WORM VOICE: So sorry!

    WORM 2 VOICE: Please don't hate us...

    WORM 3 VOICE: Or do a "Team Rocket" to us...

    WORM 4 VOICE: We read what you did to the Cursing One in that "Warner Academy" thingie...

    WORM 1 VOICE: And it sounds painful.

    BRAIN: (Rolling his eyes) *Very well, then*...proceed to activate the tesseract-countering device on my mark.... (Presses a button on his remote, lighting up a button on the "Enterprise" bridge) *NOW*!

    [We cut to see Skippy press the lit button on the "Enterprise" bridge, and we see the ship's deflector dish emit a blue beam of light, which is sent down to the relay set up in New York City, which relays the energy to the Washington DC location, and sends it back up to several geosynchronous satellites in orbit around the Earth; we see, all over the Earth, the various energy fields and electromagnetic spheres of the Aliens flicker, before finally being rendered off-line. ]

    [Cutting to the White House...]

    DUDLEY: (Irate, into a communicator) *WHAT*?!

    MINION VOICE: They somehow are counteracting the tesseract generators, sir...

    DUDLEY: *OF COURSE THEY DID*! Without those generators, we risk losing control of the Earth! Especially with that squirrel having blown half our attack ships out of the sky!

    MINION VOICE: (Trembling) Um, what should we do now, my sieges?!

    DUDLEY: Hmm.... (Rubs the side of his mentally-enhanced head) Those fools are presumably close...try to get the tesseract generators back online! (Cuts off communications)

    ALIEN LEADER: Yes, Dudley, they *are* close. I can almost feel it....but how do we take care of them?

    DUDLEY: Hmm...let's see...until we can override their efforts and get the generators back online, we'll have to stall them with more "traditional" tactics...

    ALIEN MINION SEEN EARLIER: Um, sires? Would these tactics involve the use of the ones referred to as..."ninja-thugs"?

    DUDLEY: Sort of....rather, in this case, the alien guards out in Washington's streets shall swarm in and either destroy or stall those cretins!

    MINION: (Sighs) I was afraid of this... sirs, I've read through every one of these characters' adventures involving such adversaries, and not only do ninja-thugs usually fail in their efforts, but they usually get blown, along with the main villains, sky-high by the end of the adventure, in a similar manner to which that Axel Foley and Morris fellows were disposed of... and I worry that if we're disposed of in a violent manner, it'll involve something as repetitive as ninja-thugs--or even like what you faced in that Mexican outing of yours. Indeed, the Pikachu attack has alone been way more effective than...the...ninja...thugs....are. (Sees Dudley, Plotz, and the Leader are glaring at him) Eh-heh.....

    DUDLEY: (Annoyed) We're certainly in a much better position than in past stories, you *fool*... (shakes the minion by his neck) Though I *did* almost forget about our little yellow friend.... hmm.... (Turns back on his communicator) Send every available alien out to take care of those rodents and their friends! And bring with you the Pikachu!

    MINION VOICE: Yes, sir! {Pauses} Um, sirs, there's also another problem....the electromagnetic shield those Warners and Valley Girls were in----without the generators to keep them in place, they've all, um, escaped.

    PLOTZ: *WHAT*?!? (Into the communicator) Get every man...

    MINION: Um, Alien....

    PLOTZ: *WHATEVER*... AFTER THOSE BRATS, *NOW*! I WANT THEM IMPRISIONED AGAIN AT ANY COST! DO YOU HEAR ME?!?

    MINION VOICE: Um, yes, sir...

    DUDLEY: (Closing the communicator channel) Excellent. Now, between the might of our alien guards' firepower, *and* the efforts of Pikachu, both old *and* new villain battle tactics are being combined to ensure *total victory*!

    MINION: (Looks as if he disagrees)

    [Cut to a highway between Washington and New York, in which we see Rocky's getaway car heading towards the nation's capital...inside are Rocky and Muggsy. Behind them in close pursuit is "20" in his car, but sans the gang he was with. ]

    ROCKY: Good thing we got rid of those alien crumb-bums back in da Big Apple...or rather, that Pika-whatchamacallit thing did with that big lights show attack thing.

    MUGGSY: Daaah, that was hilarious, Rocky! I liked the way they all disappeared in that flash of light thingy!

    ROCKY: You *would*....listen, Dudley called the three of us to Washington to help take out those rodents---resultin' in this "truce" between us and that "20" mug. Once *we* get the drop on those rats before "20" and the rest of those alien guys, Dudley will *give* us control of the criminal underworld himself and have "20" forced to carry on his dealin's in the Utah desert! (Chuckles) This can't fail, Muggsy....

    MUGGSY: Daaah....

    ROCKY: So don't even *think* about failin'! (Whaps him on the head)

    MUGGSY: Dah, OK, Rocky....

    [We see the two cars streak towards Washington, in a redezvous with the alien guards to try to destroy the Heroes....meanwhile, step back a few moments earlier, where we see that when the generators failed, the sphere trapping the Warners/Valley Girls also fell.]

    DOT: We---we're *free*?!? But *how*?!?

    YAKKO: Aaaahhh....maybe it's another rolling blackout?

    CALLI: What-*ev*. Come on, let's get out of here and find those guys...I heard one of the guards, or something, say they're plannin' on fighting those guys here in Washington somewhere!

    DOT: *Great*....released just in time to join in yet another "ninja-thug"-like fight scene melee. And without access to our usual anvils and explosives, to boot. (Sighs) Only one thing to do, guys....(sits back on the floor) What's the second movie review say?

    YAKKO: Dot, Dot, Dot....the fate of the world rests in our hands, and you'd rather read the likes of reviews bashing "Pokemon 3"?

    DOT: Your point?

    YAKKO: Aaaaahhh, not sure. But if we don't meet up with the guys, I think they're gonna send that stock footage Pikachu I saw one of those guards carryin' after 'em....

    DOT: Just like a villain... (Whips out her communicator) Maybe this thing will work... (Buzzes the mice) Hello? Guys?

    BILLIE'S VOICE: Warners?! You're OK!

    DOT: Yep...that sphere we were in just fell like John Travolta's acting career....what gives?

    BILLIE: Short story: we've set up a device to counteract the effects of those aliens' weapons....and we've stopped a gang war in New York---but at the loss of Axel and Morris! They've been---"blasted off again" by some Pikachu stock footage!

    DOT: (Melodramatic) Alas, poor Axel...I knew him, Censor Lady....

    YAKKO: Don't worry---we'll catch up with ya and stop those guys cold! Looks as if half the guards here are trying to track you guys down in yet another ninja-thug-like fight scene...only they've got a Pikachu in tow!

    BILLIE: *Great*....we'd better be prepared, then. If that Pikachu gets us, then those aliens will easily be able to get their devices back online, and the Earth is *doomed*! I---(static is heard)


    DOT: Billie?! (Presses a few buttons) It's gone dead, guys....

    WENDI: Um, but why?

    DOT: Look.... (we see the energy spheres are back up again, only without the Warners trapped inside) Guess those guys haven't wasted time in getting around the mices' plans....come on, let's get out of here! [The Warnes and Valley Girls beat a hasty exit....]

    [CUt to the heroes, who note the defeat of their devices]

    BRAIN: (Looks at his tricorder) Apparently, the energy used to counteract the devices can only counteract for short periods of time. We'll have to let the countering device rest and recharge before re-activating....

    VOICE: As if *that*'s going to happen...

    [Brain looks up, to see that he, Billie, Pinky, Joanie, Lobo, and Mully are surrounded by a huge swarm of alien guards wielding ray guns, along with Rocky, Muggsy and "20"]

    ROCKY: Youse guys are goin' *down*... [whips his pistol at the gang] Either the easy way, [Jerks his thumb at the Pikachu stock footage that's standing near one of the aliens] Or the *hard* way.

    [All the heroes gulp]

  10. #10
    Captain Caps is offline Member
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    (Suddenly, the stock footage PIKACHU starts to sniff intently, as if picking up an unexpected scent.)

    PIKACHU: Pi-ka?? (He breaks away from the alien guards and darts towards the surrounded heros.)

    ROCKY: Hey! Youse come back here!

    (Ignoring him, PIKACHU bounds right up to BRAIN and smiles in happy recognition.)

    PIKACHU: PIKABRAIN!

    PINKY: (delighted) Brain! He must remember that time when the two of you were in the same...

    BRAIN: (cutting him off) No need to tell the whole world about that, Pinky! Er, it's good to see you again too, Pikachu. (Slightly embarassed, Brain shakes PIKACHU's extended paw. JOANIE, MULLY, and all the bad guys are confused.)

    MUGGSY: Er, so whadda we do now, Boss?

    ROCKY: (growl) We gets ready ta blast 'em all!

    "20": Are you nuts?? Plotz will have our hides if we harm his highest-rated Pokemon!

    MULLY: (leaning down to address BRAIN) I take it this grade-school icon is a friend of yours?

    BRAIN: (blushing) Well, we are on speaking terms...

    MULLY: Then prehaps it wouldn't be totally out of line, if you asked him to do us a small favor.

    BRAIN: I think that would probably be allowable under the circumstances. (BRAIN stretches upward to whisper into PIKACHU's ear. PIKACHU nodds, and turns, frowning, to face the villains, his cheek dots starting to spark.)

    MUGGSY: Uh-oh...

    (CUT TO: Distant view of Washington D.C.)

    PICKACHU VO: *PIKA!*

    (A huge yellow flash illuminates the city, then slowly fades.)

    (CUT BACK TO: Our Heros, now standing in the center of a charred ring of unconscious villains.)

    PINKY: (giving the tired PIKACHU a hug around the neck) Thank you so much!

    BILLIE: Yeah! I guess ya do have some redeeming qualities.

    (PIKACHU nods a thank-you, then curls up and goes to sleep.)

    JOANIE: Now that those creeps are out of the way, I'd suggest we try to re-join the Warners.

    BILLIE: Agreed! This adventure has gone on long enough- it's time ta wrap things up!

    (JOANIE and MULLY pick up the three lab mice, and the group walks off, leaving the area silent except for PIKACHU's usual soft snoring.)

    (As the others walk out of sight, LOBO lingers behind, regarding the slumbering PIKACHU with grudging respect.)

    LOBO: Ya may be an annoying, over-marketed yellow rat, but ya did save me the bother a' moppin' up all those bozos. So... the plan ta drop-kick ya to Baltimore is off, okay?

    (Obviously regarding this as an even deal, LOBO turns to swagger away. He smirks as he passes the comotose ROCKY.)

    LOBO: The half-sized Capone don't know how ta pick reliable allies. He's got a real flare fer hats, tho...

    [Cut to the Warners, who've managed to make their way out of the White House undetected, and are bouncing down Pennsylvania Avenue, with the Valley Girls in tow...]

    WARNERS: Boingy! Boingy! Boingy!

    CALLI: Um, what-*ev*. So like, what do we do now?

    WAKKO: (Stops bouncing) Well, we usually pick up enough extra characters to rival the population of Cincinnati...

    YAKKO: Aaaahhhh, maybe later Wakko. Right now, I'm in the mood to stop off at our favorite overadvertised eatery...

    WAKKO: (Licks his lips) Me, too!

    DOT: Eh, sure? Why not? At least we can peel off a zillion of those "Who Wants to Be a Million-whatever" game pieces....

    [The sibs race off for the nearest McDonald's...but stop in shock, as they see the entire restaurant is boarded over, with a "Sorry, we're closed---by order of Dudley Puppy and Alien Leader" sign on the door. Undaunted, the sibs and girls race to another McD's, but find the same sight. Cut to some time later, where they're seen exiting a telephone booth, having called up every McDonald's in town and noting that all the McD's phone numbers have been disconnected...]

    WAKKO: (In tears) They're closed---*closed*....*ALL CLOSED*! (Sobs) What'll we *do*, guys?! WHAT'LL WE DO?!? WHEREVER SHALL WE GO?!

    CALLI: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a---

    DOT: ---hoot. (Calli glances at her) Sorry, but Axel's "language skills" have already pushed this adventure into "R" rated territory as it is. Besides, I thought you were gonna cut back on some of those old movie lines, Wakko.

    WAKKO: (Shrugs) It was "Big Civil War Epics" night on AMC....

    YAKKO: Let's face it, sibs...these guys really *are* playin' hardball...they shut down our usual haunt *and* fixed it so we can't use our usual explosives and anvils! (Grins slyly) But I bet they haven't done away with a certain favorite gag of ours...

    DOT: (Sighs)

    VOICE: (Off-screen) A gag you three *won't* be performing any time for the forseeable future....as long as *I* have something to say about it.

    [The Warners and girls turn around, to find standing there are Joanie, Mully, Lobo, and the lab mice, with Brain looking quite annoyed]

    WARNERS/GIRLS: BRAIN!

    BRAIN: In the flesh, as they say. Now that we've found you, let us prepare to arrange for taking on Dudley and the Alien Leader in the Final Confrontation...

    WAKKO: But how? Those guys blew up the ACME anvil and explosives factories...we don't have any bombs or anvils! And *worse*---they closed all the McDonalds' in town!

    BRAIN: (Flatly) *There's* a loss...not that it matters any more, of course... (the Warners look at Brain oddly) Now then, moving on to business...

    WAKKO: Um, what do ya mean, "doesn't matter"?

    PINKY: Well, you see, while you were captured by that naughty Dudley Puppy dog person, we ate at this *really* great restaurant, with tables and napkins and silverware and porterhouse steaks and neato toys! (Whips out a napkin ring) We decided that we should eat at fun-fun restaurants like *that* from now on!

    WARNERS: (Gasp)

    WAKKO: But...how....(glares at Brain) I mean...it's *McDonald's*!!

    BRAIN: Yes, it *is*. Reason enough to eat someplace else.

    LOBO: Ya got that right...last six times I went there, they screwed up my fraggin' order! Had to blow a hole in the drive-through and teach those punks some lessons in *service*...so why do ya feebs like the place so much? It's a *dive*... even for *me*!

    [The others murmur in agreement]

    BRAIN: See? We need someplace for variety...and serves vegetables in a form besides prepackaged garden salads or burger garnishes.

    WAKKO: (Sighs) Oh, OK.... (Begins sniffling) First, that McDonald's that got blown up in Detroit, and now *this*... (begins crying; Dot pats him on the back)

    DOT: There, there, Wakko...maybe we'll go to such fancy, nice restaurants *so many times*, it'll become just as cliched and tiresome as well, and we'll change back!

    BRAIN: (Muttering) Don't hold your breath... (to the others) Now that that's settled, Billie wishes to demonstrate a weapon we wish to use against Dudley in the Final Confrontation....

    YAKKO: Time for that already? We haven't even gotten the chance to fight ninja-thugs yet...not that I'm complaining or anything.

    BRAIN: That's already been taken care of, thanks to recycled stock footage of a certain electrical Pokemon character...now then, Billie?

    BILLIE: This is what I thought we could use against Dudley---Mully? (Mully talks into a communicator, and soon, we see beaming down from the "Enterprise" the Worms, with a device in tow shaped like a coffee maker with a nozzle attached)

    WORM 1: Behold...

    WORM 2: The "caffeine-ator"!

    WORM 3: Patent pending.

    BILLIE: The caffeine-ator is designed to hyperaccelerate the cellular and nervous structure of whoever's sprayed by this goop....sort of an ultra-super-charged dose of coffee, *squared*. Now to demonstrate.... [The Worms pull out what looks like a statue of Dudley, wearing a hypervelocity suit. Billie grabs the nozzle, and aims it at the statue, with a high-pitched humming noise eminating from the device. We see the spray hit the statue, with the suit's circuitry being kicked into overdrive. The statue begins to shake, before it finally blows up, the statue being unable to take the stress...all turn their heads to Billie.]

    BRAIN: (Raising an eyebrow) While Dudley's loathsome, a tad...*lethal*...don't you think?

    BILLIE: *Ahem*.... (nervous) Well, that *is* one of the caffeine-ator's potential uses....at the maximum setting. (Turns it down from "10" to "5") At a lower setting, it ought to merely overstimulate whoever or whatever's hit by it, before they finally pass out. (Pauses) Though I admit I...haven't...exactly....been able to test it on organic lifeforms yet.

    BRAIN: *I see*.... then we'd best use this device with caution. (To the worms) Thank you for your help. Perhaps it's best if the four of you headed home..

    WORM 1: Aw, what for?

    WORM 3: Just getting good.

    WORM 2: Just getting *percolated*.

    WORM 4: And we've been cancelled, remember?

    WORM 1: Just burnin' off old episodes, until we're bumped...

    WORM 4: For "Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century"... (All the worms make barfing noises)

    BRAIN: (Sighs) Very well, then. Just beam back onto the "Enterprise"...I'm sure Slappy and Skippy might need the assistance, should we need to use the ship's resources for this Final Confrontation. Now come, let us proceed to make our plans on taking that dog and alien out... [They glance at the direction of the White House, with ominous music playing]

    The Cursing One and The Time Man snake their way through the city as the Pet Shop Boys' "Two Divided By Zero" plays in the background.

    Axel: D.C's turned into even more of a (bleep)ing warzone. How we'll survive this is beyond me.

    Morris: The question is...Should we even worry about survival?

    Axel: What?

    Morris: Let's evaluate the present situation. Outside of my hardcore fans, people stopped giving a (bleep) about me around the time Prince changed his name to that weird symbol. As for you, the critics look upon you with a good amount of respect, but the Warners hate your guts. We've tried our best to do our best, but our best is our worst and the worst isn't the best!

    Axel: O.K, Terrific!

    Morris: Look, we need each other for survival! Until we find the others, we're all we have!

    Axel: I get it! If we're going to die, we'll die together!

    Morris: Exactly! Now, let's run!

    Mystery Voice: (V.O) I wouldn't be headed anywhere if I were you.

    Axel: Who the (bleep) said that?

    A woman dressed in black from head to toe (resembling and played by Nancy McKeon) walks out from a deli.

    Mystery Woman: You don't remember me, Axel?

    Axel: No. You're freaking me out. Who are you?

    Mystery Woman: The name is Lisa Chapman, the daughter of drug kingpin Endo Chapman!

    Morris: Wait, she can't be serious! The last time you tried to take down a drug dealer, it turns out it was Beanie Babies instead! Right, Axel?

    Lisa: Ty Industries has no part in this one. The backstory is that my pop provided several clubs with premium cocaine-laced LSD back in 1991. 95 folks knocked dead in the Detroit area alone. Anyway, this (bleep)-talking cop busts on in, arrests Endo, and after a 6-month trial, tosses my father in the electric chair! Down went the switch, and Dad was shocked! Well, long story short...You may think justice worked your way, but I lost my beloved father, regardless of his sin. Get this, Axel. Your father and mother are now on life support thanks to me. I won't rest until you've joined them.

    Axel and Morris gulp.

  11. #11
    Captain Caps is offline Member
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    MORRIS: What now, Axe?
    AXEL: Can't speak for you, bub, but I'm about to do two things--one, [bleep] in my pants, and two, turn and run right the [bleep] out of here.
    LISA [smirking]: Try and run, Foley. I dare you. [***** pistol she just pulled from jacket pocket] I'll open a patch of daylight in you before you take five steps.
    AXEL: I feel it fair to warn you, Miss Chapman, I ran track in high school. Took second at a meet back in '78. I'm pretty [bleeping] fast. [nervous staccato chuckle]
    LISA: You could be Speedy Gonzales, for all I care. [levels weapon] Still, dead is dead.
    [Zip pan to the writer's room, where CAPTAIN CAPS, BRAINATRA, and DR. BELCH are gathered. It's been a long day, and all are haggard-looking; fast-food containers and wrappers are strewed about. SHARKLADY and KOJIRO have joined the group; they are fresher-lloking because they haven't been there as long as the guys. SHARKLADY is tapping her pencil nervously; KOJIRO is engrossed in playing with a Digipet.]
    SHARKLADY: This new twist...it--it's kind of dark,isn't it, Caps?
    CAPS: Maybe. But I'm a pretty dark person, you know.
    DR. BELCH: So am I. Still--[cracks knuckles thunderously; all at the table flinch]--you can have a fast resolution and still do pathos. [to KOJIRO] What do you think, querida?
    KOJIRO [tapping her Digipet]: I think my batteries are getting low.
    DR. BELCH: About the story, I mean.
    KOJIRO [shakes head]: Not my baby. I'm just hereas a spectator.
    BRAINATRA: We need to do something. This storyline languished forever. I did what I could, but I'm tapped out. Doctor?
    DR. BELCH: Miracle coming up. [begins to type]
    [Zip pan to a street in D.C. The heroes head in the direction of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue...except JOANIE, who lags behind. She stamps her feet and whines loudly.]
    SLAPPY [turns head slowly, with great irritation]: You got a problem, princess.
    JOANIE: Uh, like, yeah, I've got a problem! You're all, like, reasonably intelligent peo--um--[looks over the group]--well, puppies and squirrels and rats--
    BRAIN, BILLIE, and PINKY: Mice!
    JOANIE: What-*ev*. I'm, like, just saying that I don't think you realize, like, the [speaks painfully slowly] re...per...con...cuss...ions [resumes speaking rapidly] of the situation! We're going up against, like, a couple of dudes who can write bad stuff about us in the newspapers and talk smack about us on TV, and, like, have folks rubbed out, and--um--do all sorts of mean and grody stuff like that! Aren't you afraid?
    LOBO [chuckles]: I don't know the meaning of the word, toots.
    JOANIE: Then, like, buy a dictionary or something! Duh! I'm, like, sweating bricks here! Don't you get it? We're walking into something majorly bad here. We are, like, going to get killed or worse. We're totally looking the Grim Reaper in the face every minute.
    YAKKO [imitating Don Adams]: And...loving it!
    [Overhead pan of the group marching towards their destination. Cut to closeup up of JOANIE; she stands stubbornly in the middle of the street, arms folded, pouty-lipped. She softens and looks sadly at the others. Cut back to overhead pan as she scurries to rejion her friends, screaming, "Hey! Like, wait up! Gaah! Don't leave me here to rot!"]
    [Cut back to the standoff between AXEL and MORRIS and Chapman's psychotic daughter. She has a lunatic grin on her face. Suddenly from a distance shrieks are heard, followed by what sounds like a thousand beer cans being simultaneously crushed and a flash of colored lasers igniting the sky.]
    LISA: What in the--? [distracted, she averts her gaze to the left, and her gun wavers a bit. AXEL takes no time; he moves like a lynx and executes a judo chop to the back of her neck. She falls like a wet sack of fertilizer to the pavement. AXEL disarms her.]
    AXEL: I don't usually hit dames, but you are one big [bleep]ing exeption to the rule, [bleep].
    MORRIS: D-Did you whack her?
    AXEL: No, I ain't whack her! Do I look like [bleep]ing Jack the Ripper to you? She'll come to in a couple of minutes, and by then we'll be out of range of whatever hurt she's got planned for us. You catch where that big boom came from?
    MORRIS: Uh...south, I guess.
    AXEL: Then we go north. I'll bet my sweet [bleep] that was some old friends of mine, and I want to put as many miles between them and me as I can. [points to LISA] And this little Long Island Lolita wannabe is just the [bleep]ing bad icing on a really nasty cake. C'mon.
    [AXEL and MORRIS exeunt just as LISA stirs and comes to.]
    LISA: You cowardly [series of bleeps]! Come back here! [struggles to feet, murmurs to self] I'll get that worthless [bleep] [bleep]. [looks to the sky, eyes misty, voice cracking] For you, Daddy.

    Lisa runs over to an extensive control panel. Buttons, monitors, the works.

    Lisa: Those has-been dark-skinned S.O.Bs can't escape from me. (With deft precision, doors lock, windows shut and noises come from all corners).

    Axel: Open! Open, God(bleep) you, OPEN!

    Morris: Hey, Big F, don't hold your breath! Escape is impossible at this point!

    Lisa: (Booming V.O) Mainline some poison into their veins! We've got ourselves 2 mother(bleep)ing losers! I control the doors and windows. Double-bolted, unbreakable panes...Until I've ruined your minds and spirits, and until you explain why you did what you did, you're not getting out of here!

    Morris: What the (bleep) kind of Annie Wilkes nightmare (bleep) is she?

    Lisa: I hear everything! I'm gonna cut you down, oak tree!

    Axel: Um...What does that mean?

    Morris: I'll explain later!

    Lisa: (Stepping down the stairs) In-(bleep)ing-deed. So, Axel, you're all swagger and bravado. So high and mighty. Well, get your (bleep)s out. I'm hardlining a one word question to you. WHY?

    Axel: Why what?

    Lisa: You got wax clogging your (bleep)ing ears so much that your (bleep)ing neural processes are getting the shutdown? Why'd you kill my father?

    Axel: You can't let a man responsible for 230 deaths in the midwest out of court with a slap on the wrist and a hearty "watch yourself in the future". You're lucky he was kept alive for the 6 months of the trial. I could've shot that scumbucket on sight.

    Lisa: I COULD GIVE A FLYING (BLEEP)! THAT'S MY FATHER YOU KILLED!

    Axel: He was beyond reproach!

    Lisa: Counseling...(Bleep), you could've locked him up in solitary confinement and put me in there! Every human deserves a fair shake! How come my father is scattered to the winds, while good ol' CHARLIE (BLEEP)ING MANSON is still alive? Look, you want me to explain the backstory further?

    Axel: Look, I'm (bleep)ing tired, and my ears are ringing like the bells of St. (Bleep)ing Mary's. I can't explain it to you further at the moment. Just let me rest.

    Lisa: Oh, sure! R&R, I'm cool with that. Just lay your head down. Put your arms out. (Calm voice) I'll give you a nice massage. I know you're under the gun. I am too. Relax. Rest. I'll make you a glass of warm milk. I'm not all bad. I just break down occasionally. (Getting out a hammer) Head laid down. Sweet, temperamental baby. You'll be okay. Just give me your left hand. You want to play a nice game?

    Axel: (Relaxed) Sure!

    Lisa: Okay! This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had none.

    With that word, she slams the hammer down as we cut to...

    the White House, and the villains of our story---Dudley Puppy, Plotz, Alien Leader, and Alien Minion, all whom are ticked off royally over the failure of the Pikachu-stock-footage/gangster trap for our heroes...]

    DUDLEY: (Growling like a, well, dog) BLAST IT ALL! That should've worked---who would've suspected that Plotz's inept video editors would use stock footage of that glorified rat from that "39 Characters" outing!

    PLOTZ: Well, it's not *my* fault! At any rate, those editors shall be punished duly...

    [Zip pan to Hollywood, where we see that the poor editors are being forced to splice together footage from "Static Shock" for the next big Kids' WB stock-footage-using promotional weekend, guest-starring Shaquielle O'Neil. None look too happy...cut back to Washington.]

    ALIEN LEADER: Well, we can't let that interfere with our plans! While we managed to get the EMF shields and tesseract weapons back online, those "heroes" are planning on storming this very building!

    ALIEN MINION: And if I may be so bold, sirs, their tactics in these, um, Final Confrontation things are usually quite violent....analysis shows that (looks at a sheet of paper he's holding) even with our cutting off access to their usual explosives and anvils, there's still a 25% chance of this conflict ending with the master villains of the story---that'd be, um, all of us, I guess---being either smashed with a painful blunt object, or being blown by some means from here to the Andromeda galaxy...

    DUDLEY: (Flatly) And of that *other* 75%?

    MINION: (Reads on) Let's see...uh, oh, yes: a 70% chance that we'll have our devices turned on us in some way, and either hurtling us through space, time, or the dimensional multiverse to some parallel universe...a 4% chance that this Confrontation will end with our being attacked by some mongrel known as Ace the Bat-Hound....a 0.5% chance of our being attacked with an epileptic-inducing array of rapidly flashing lights....a 0.49% chance that we'll be defeated by being put to sleep via either a song-and-dance musical number or a lecture on the life-cycle of the sea urchin...*and* finally, a 0.01% chance that we'll, um, actually stop them and win. (Meekly cowers in front of the villains)

    DUDLEY: WHAT?! Those odds are *completely* unacceptable!

    MINION: Well, sirs, that's the way they came up when we computed them....over a dozen times, I might add...and in each outcome, the villains always meet with some variation of those defeats. Of course, we *have* also, um, analyzed why this happens...

    LEADER: (Sternly) Go *on*....

    MINION: Well, at this point, the antagonists usually grow self-confident and smug, and wind up collapsing into the usual cliched villainous traits that are their ultimate undoing---talking excessively instead of defeating their adversaries immediately, ninja-thugs, using all their better battle tactics during the outing and not saving any sort of deux ex machina for the end battle, and so forth...so, all we'd have to do to possibly even stand a chance of turning the tide would be to make sure whatever weaponry, trick, or battle tactic they use is turned against them...a device of the rodents' and their time-honored "divide and conquer" tactics are the usual means besides the explosives and anvils. And with how well our EMF shields and tesseract-based weaponry are working, their tesseract-countering devices and whatever else they have in store might actually work in, er, defeating them through a combination of our ingenious EMF and tesseract devices, our genetically enhanced boosts in intelligence, our raw laser firepower, *and* Emperor Puppy's hypervelocity suit... so, uh, what do you think, sirs? (Grins, but it fades with the stern, aged face of Dudley staring back at him)

    DUDLEY: Hmm....*Minion*?!

    MINION: (Cowers) Yes, my, uh, evil overlords?!

    DUDLEY: You basically insist that we should use some sort of tougher, unconventional stance to stop those cretins?

    MINION: Er, uh, not in so many words, but, uh, I guess....

    LEADER: I *like* it! Minion, excellent work---if what I have in mind goes well, you'll be greatly rewarded!

    MINION: (Sighs in relief) Thank you, my excellency!

    DUDLEY: You're welcome...now then, your plan, Leader?

    LEADER: My plan.... (begins typing into a terminal to draw them up) is *thus*....

    [As we cut away from the sinister and completely original plan, we cut to...the Heroes, now approaching the White House; two alien guards are standing near the main entrance to the property. THey all duck behind a bush...]

    LAURA BUSH: (Annoyed by Wakko and Yakko in her arms) HEY! Get off of me and go find your *own* hiding place!

    WAKKO: Awww, but you're so *comfy*....

    YAKKO: And besides, Hillary got thrown in that UN building trap place with your husband and all those other politicians...

    LAURA BUSH: Feh... (drops them on the ground, and walks off...)

    DOT: That was pointless.

    BRAIN: (Turning to face Dot; flatly) *Agreed*... (turns back around, only to find the sibs are standing right in front of him) GAAAH!

    [Yakko and Wakko giggle, while Dot rolls her eyes]

    BRAIN: (Irate) THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT WITH THAT IMBECILLIC, MINDLESS DISTORTION OF SPACE AND---(Some sort of idea occurs to him, and he grins slyly; the sibs look at him with perplexed looks on their faces)

    DOT: Um, Brain? Is something the matter?

    BRAIN: (Nervous) Er, uh, *no*, of course not....not *now*, anyway...

    WAKKO: Why?

    BRAIN: You'll find out, *after* this whole battle blows over... (the sibs look at each other, and shrug) But never mind that *now*---we've got to think of a way to get inside the White House and take down those foursome! But those *guards*...

    PINKY: Awww, too bad no one remembered to call Freakazoid....he lives here in D.C. and all! He'd probably, um, uh, do whatever it is he does against all those bad guys...or distract them with some fun-fun, silly-willy song number! NARF!

    BRAIN: *Please*, Pinky, I---(realizes something) *Hmm*...Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

    PINKY: Um, I think so, Brain, but if the train was late, would Gladys Knight would have to take the 2:15 AM train to Georgia?

    BRAIN: (Sighs) *No, Pinky*, I was referring to that blue-colored freak---if we could get him here, they'd easily distract those guards through some means!

    BILLIE: But Eggy, Freakazoid's been put out of commission....

    BRAIN: How would you know *that*?!

    BILLIE: Um, look.... (She points to a tree across the street---up in a high branch, we see the Freak himself is encased inside of an energy sphere, with a cat in tow...)

    FREAKAZOID: (Banging against the shield) Can't...break...free...tried...to..save....President's...kitty....can't ...talk....normally...sound...like...Shatner!

    PINKY: Oooooh, *Shatner*! Can we do "Rocket Man" as a song number, can we, Brain, *Pleeeze*?! NARF!

    BRAIN: (Sighs) It appears that the Freak cannot help us....not that he was much of help *before*, I suppose.

    FREAKAZOID: HEY!

    BRAIN: Let us think of another means of entrance....

    SLAPPY: Feh, enough 'a dis sneakin' around...knew I shoulda stayed up on that ship thingamajig with those worms...

    [Cut to the "Enterprise"...we see the bridge is covered with raided-from-the-blown-up-alien-fleet coffee bags...the worms are sitting back and enjoying themselves]

    WORM 1: Java...

    WORM 2: (Hits a button for the viewscreen) And "Sleepless in Seattle"...

    WORM 3: A perfect combination...

    WORM 4: .Seattle...coffee.... a matchup.

    WORM 1: Who *knew*?

    [Cut back to the Earth...we see that Slappy's walking up to the guards...]

    ALIEN GUARD: Halt! Who goes there?!

    SLAPPY: I do, bub....step aside.

    ALIEN GUARD #2: Sorry, but no one gets in to see Emperor Puppy and the Leader, not no way, not no how!

    SLAPPY: Er, but we're here to see them with a very special, um, confrontational meetin'!

    GUARD #1: Really? Now *that*'s a horse of a different color, then! C'mon in!

    SLAPPY: Thanks.... (the others file past and head up the main walk) Oh, by the way---you've got a clog in yer ray gun thingamajig...

    GUARD: (Points it at his face) Really? Where?

    SLAPPY: I think it's there somewhere.... (jabs the alien, who accidentially fires, blasting him into a smoldering wreck, along with his partner; they look a bit dazed, before collapsing) Heh, heh...

    BILLIE: Speaking of "gratuitous violence"...

    SLAPPY: Hey, they'd have blasted me after realizin' they just did some bit from the "Wizard of Oz"...thought I'd get the jump on 'em.

    YAKKO: *Right*...

    BILLIE: (Sighs) Come on...we've got to get inside! [To the Warners] Warners, you've seen their setup...I want you to get in there and, er, do what you do best to distract those aliens! Skippy, keep an eye on our "friends" out here, until we're done inside!

    SKIPPY: (Whips out a phaser) Right!

    BILLIE: Lobo, Slappy, Joanie, Mully, Eggy, Pinky---you're with me! (Slappy, Mully, Brain and Pinky nod, and set their phasers to "stun")

    LOBO: No prob---get the feelin' my hawg's inside this fraggin' joint somewhere...and after I find it *and* those aliens, they're gonna feel---

    JOANIE: Lemme guess: A "new world of pain"?

    LOBO: Er, no...they're gonna "boldy hurt where no man's ever hurt before". World of difference.

    JOANIE: (Rolling her eyes) *Right*. (Whips out her phaser and sets it to stun) Let's get goin', guys...

    DOT: Aww, can't I go with the mostly-girls' team?!

    BILLIE: Sorry, but we need you and your sibs'...er..."talents"...to serve as a distraction!

    DOT: Oh, *OK*... (Pouts)

    WAKKO: Come on...maybe they've left the White House kitchen alone!

    [The heroes all split up, and head in opposite directions, with Skippy standing watch over the knocked-out guards and Billie dragging the caffeine-ator along behind her...]

    [Cut to the Warners, as they're bouncing around the back of the White House, and into a toolshed near the back....they go down a set of stairs, and through a door into a room; inside, they're surprised and amazed to see what it contains....]

    WARNERS: *Oooooh*...

    [We see several very small spacecraft parked below, in parking spaces marked "RESERVED FOR: Dudley Puppy", "RESERVED FOR: Alien Leader", RESERVED FOR: Alien Employee-of-the-Month", and "Other". Parked in the "Other" space is none other than Lobo's own bike...]

    DOT: Gee, guys, Lobo shouldn't have his bike parked down *here*....besides, what if some pregnant or handicapped alien needed the parking space?!

    YAKKO: Wanna...move it for him? (Wiggles his eyebrows)

    WAKKO & DOT: OK!

    [The sibs bounce to the bike, with Yakko clutching the handlebars, and the sibs activate the ignition; with the "wacky" trumpet music from the opening scene of "The Big Candy Store" playing, the sibs start the bike, and begin careening around the room, before driving it up the set of stairs and smashing through the toolshed, and up into the White House through the back door...]

    [Cut to the rest of the heroes.....]

    BILLIE: Where should we try, guys? The Lincoln bedroom? The Oval Office? One of the banquet rooms?

    VOICE: How about---the *doom* room?!

    ALL: Huh?!

    BRAIN: (Eyes narrowing) *Dudley*....

    DUDLEY'S VOICE: Indeed, Brain, it is *I*---broadcasting from somewhere within the building! Try to find me, *if* you think you *can*! (Laughs, and cuts it off)

    BRAIN: Hmph....he's merely trying to scare us...shake our confidence.

    MULLY: Well, it isn't working with *me*... (whips out her pistol and ***** the trigger) Let's go!

  12. #12
    Captain Caps is offline Member
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    {Cut to the back entrance of the White House, or at least what's left of it, as the Warners are still riding Lobo's bike and smashing whatever doomed objects are in it's way. However, they stop when they see an alien soldier coming towards them}

    Alien soldier: Prepare to meet your doom in the name of Emperor Puppy and the Leader!

    Yakko: Ahhh...Dot, I personally don't wanna waste our best material on these guys, and they used an oh so unoriginal phrase to threaten us, so what do you say we get a certain gag out of the way now?

    Dot: Oh, all right, I guess it's better to get rid of it now.

    Soldier: Quiet! Do you not comprehend what I'm saying, you must die now! Now stay there while I pull out my weapon!

    {He turns around and before he pulls out his weapon, he sees the Warners...well, you know where. He screams and faints as is required. As the Warners cheer however, they do not see a tiny fly like thing flying towards them, in fact, 3 tiny fly like things. All 3 land on a seperate Warner and then disappear from sight}

    Yakko: Well, better get going and save the world! Hmm, at least when this is over I'll have something other than my natural charm to impress the ladies, they all love a hero.

    Dot: Could you save your anti P.C remarks for later on, Mr Unoriginal?

    Yakko: You know, you could do something in these stories other than complain and make snide remarks, and by the way, that last part is in _my_ job description, not yours, Ms Plagerist!

    {As they argue, we now look at things through Wakko's point of view. Suddenly, through his eyes, Yakko and Dot have turned into cups of a certain drink that made Starbucks a household name}

    Wakko:{Drooling}Oh, sweet coffee, at last I have found you!

    {He runs towards Yakko and Dot and the next thing we see is the trademark cloud of dust over the two fighting Warners and the other who's trying to catch them, it's basically one big fight. Cut from this bizarre scene to the Lincoln bedroom as the other heroes are looking for Dudley}

    Lobo: No fragging has been puppy or freaky aliens here.

    Billie: Well keep your eyes peeled, they have to be here somewhere.

    {Just then, we see 6 more tiny fly like things land on the necks of our gang and disappear from sight}

    Brain: Don't worry, we'll find them, and after we do people will hail us as heroes, then after I show them my Earthrule disks they'll beg to want them since the mouse who's selling them saved them. The world will be mine by the end of the week!

    Billie: I can't believe you Egghead, you can't go one battle without thinking of yourself first!

    Brain: At least I never give up, and at least I'm far less bossy than you were when you finally got some power, Captain!

    Billie: Hey, that's a low blow, you greedy bigheaded jerk!

    Pinky: Hey, no one talks to Brain that way, he may be a big grouchy greedy mouse, but he's my friend!

    Billie:{Flirting}You don't need a friend, I think you need something more than a friend, Pinks.

    Brain: This is hardly the time to make one of your pointless, perminatly unsucessful passes!{All three mice continue to argue at the top of their lungs}

    Mully: Ah, I can't understand a word, can you, Ms Squirrel?{Suddenly we see things from Slappy's P.O.V and through her eyes Mully has turned into Walter Wolf}

    Slappy: Ah Walter, haven't seen you since that whole Package Deal sack of garbage. Here, I got you a little gift.

    {She pulls out the usual big bbag of dynamite....and then is grabbed by Lobo}

    Lobo: Ah, not so high and mighty without having any room to fly, eh Superman?

    Slappy: Superman? Ah well, at least now I got two guys to blow up now.{To Joanie}Ah, what the hey, three's company

    {As we leave this strange scene in which the mice are fighting, Lobo is trying to crush Slappy and Slappy's trying to blow up a confused Mully and Joanie, we go back to Dudley and the Leader watching this whole thing}

    Leader:{Laughing}Oh, it worked like a charm! Those little mechanical, now invisable ticks were perfect, they got on their victum and brought out their least desirable personalty traits. In order, they were Mr Yakko's womanizing, Ms Dot's complaning, Mr Wakko's coffee fetish, Brain's greediness, Billie's complaning and love of Pinky, Pinky's loyalty, Lobo and Slappy's love of blowing things up, and a little mind manipulation to make them see things...{catches breath}it was, again, perfect! Now they shall waste all of their best material fighting each other, and by the time they're done, they'll either kill themselves or wind up too exhausted to fight us when we get them!

    Dudley: And speaking of which, let's go prepare for them. You and I will handle the Brain and friends, and Plotz will go after the Warners. Now it's safe to say nothing can stop us now!

    [As the Heroes are all induced into arguing by the villains, we cut to the villains in a seperate room/lair. We see Dudley, Leader, and Plotz seated in front of terminals that represent the computerized ones that the DMV gives drivers' licence exams on. Minion walks up to them with a clipboard...]

    MINION: Well, um, sirs, while that hallucinogenic-inducive robotic insect was a strong plan, it will require more than that to achieve ultimate victory in the Final Confrontation. And since past experience shows us that this is a key area of failure in villainous schemes, I've prepared this brief training simulator so that you may test your knowledge of Final Confrontational battle tactics, sharpen your skills, and, uh, take a little practice Confrontational run, heh-heh....

    DUDLEY: (reading his screen) "During the Final Confrontation, you may encounter certain patterns of tactics used by the heroes. To counteract the traditional "drop anvils on you and blow you to kingdom come" tactic, you should:
    A) Utilize your ninja-thug army in a last stand,
    B) Utilize your main villainous device/tactic [Tesla Death Ray, Dip, etc.] to counteract your foes,
    C) Utilize an original, and completely unexpected final counterattack, or
    D) Take preventative tactics by disabling their typical Final Confrontation anvils and explosives tactics, then utilize an original counterattack to finish them off."

    DUDLEY: Um, geez, I think I know this....[reaches for a little booklet labelled "The Rules of the Road to Villainy", but Minion shakes his head, as if to note no peeking. Dudley scratches his head, uses some scratch paper to do a process-of-elimination on the obvviously-wrong answers, before finally pressing "D". The screen lights up with "CORRECT". Dudley pumps his fists in the air, but sees Plotz and Leader staring at him oddly; Dudley quickly quiets back down and grins sheepishly.]

    LEADER: (Reading his screen) "As you're pulling away from the curb to engage in your villainous scheme, you see the Heroes are approaching in an attempt to slow you down. Should you:
    A) Send the ninja-thugs after them to slow them down while you pull away,
    B) Yank a character from the past via a time machine into the present to thwart them with,
    C) Utilize the musical score of "Bye Bye Birdie" to counterattack a potential musical-number-attack sequence by the heroes,
    D) Use your knowledge of the defense and foraging habits of the common field mouse to launch a counterattack,
    or E) All of the above?"

    LEADER: Hmmm...that's a tough one. (Rubs the sides of his genetically-enhanced-intellectually forehead) But my superior brain tells me it's... (Presses "A", and the screen lights up with "CORRECT")

    PLOTZ: (Reading his screen) "If a ninja-thug leaves Toledo at 5:15 PM and heads for the Final Confrontation, and another ninja-thug leaves Topeka at 6:25 PM and heads for the same Confrontation, and assuming a constant speed, how would you stop a potential surprise Final Confrontation attack by the Heroes, if they're not using the anvils-and-explosives approach? Assume Brain and/or Billie have devised some sort of elaborate device meant to send your scheme packing:
    A) Send Pikachu after them
    B) Send recycled-stock-footage after them to slander their image among the public-at-large
    C) Come up with an original plan that they'd never see coming
    D) Wait for the ninja-thugs to arrive, then launch a ninja-thug attack
    E) Cancel their shows and combine them into a mish-mosh with an impossibly long title and CGI opening sequence
    F) Plead for mercy, and hope they go light on the explosives this time around"

    PLOTZ: (Sweating) Um...oh, geez...I know this one...ahhh..... uh... (scratches some calculations on a piece of paper, taps some buttons on a calculator, does "eenie meeny miney moe" on his fingers, checks to see if there's a penalty point for getting a wrong answer, and then hits "A". We see the screen display "INCORRECT". Plotz, stressed, passes out from the shock. The others stare at him, and shrug at the camera.)

    [Cut back to the heroes, specifically the Brain-half of the team, who're still arguing....]

    BRAIN: (Suddenly seeing the image of Wally Faust instead of Lobo) I don't know what your scheme is, but you're *not* getting away with kidnapping me again! However it is you broke out of jail....

    LOBO: (Seeing Slappy as Superman, and still grabbing onto her) Don't try breakin' free, Supesy.... (a bit of light reflects off of Slappy's purse buckle and hits Lobo, who flinches) YAAAH! Ohhh, tryin' ta hit me with heat vision, huh? Well, I'm gonna...

    JOANIE: (Raises a hand) Hold it right there, that's what!

    LOBO: Look, missy, the Main Man's got a lot of pain to give, and Supes here deserves a little piece...

    JOANIE: I *mean*, hold it right there...this *isn't* the Man of Steel.

    LOBO: But the bum just hit me with his wimpy heat vision!

    JOANIE: Impossible. Those aliens are beaming red sunlight to Earth, remember?

    LOBO: So?

    JOANIE: So, Superman doesn't have any powers under a red sun...and without his powers, he couldn't use heat vision. So, how could be be here?!

    LOBO: I dunno...'cause he's, uh, super?

    (Joanie rolls her eyes at Lobo's simplistic response, but suddenly sees a robotic-like bit of metal under Brain's fur) What's this? (Reaches down, and yanks it out; examines it) Hmm...Mully, what do you make of this?

    MULLY: (Looks at it) Some sort of robotic, cybernetic parasite designed to stimulate the adrenaline functions of the body and affect the judgement and visual perception centers of the brain. (Sees Joanie staring at her) Ran into these on last week's episode.

    JOANIE: *Oh*...

    [Mully reaches over and yanks off the flys from the others]

    BRAIN: (Rubbing the back of his neck) (Eyeing the robo-flies) Hmph....so we were being *manipulated* into engaging in our lowest instincts...an actually formidable tactic, but only a minor delay. However, it might've bought enough time for those thugs to set up whatever attack plan they wish to use during the Final Confrontation...now come, let us be off!

    BILLIE: *Ahem*.

    BRAIN: What?

    BILLIE: Um...a little thing called an *apology*?

    BRAIN: *WHAT?!* But none of those things I said *count*...I was being mind-controlled!

    BILLIE: Whatever, Eggy...still, I'd like a little settling of things before we move on.

    BRAIN: *But*....

    BILLIE: (Filing her nails) Not leavin' until you do...

    BRAIN: (Fumes briefly, and slaps his face) *Fine*....(quickly) BillieI'msorry. There, now can we go?!?

    BILLIE: (Stops filing) Eh, good enough. Come on... (they all walk off)

    BRAIN: (Walks alongside Billie; to Billie) You know that wasn't really necessary....so why humiliate me like that?

    BILLIE: (Shrugs) I dunno...was just curious to see if you'd actually say it. Besides, those remarks weren't very nice...

    BRAIN: (Sighs) Of course they weren't...precisely why those villains tried to stimulate our, ahem, less-desirable personality traits and thoughts like that. And since this attack was actually *original*, I can imagine what tactics they have in mind for the Confrontation...

    [Cut to the Warners, where we see Wakko's managed to back his sibs into a corner, still thinking his sibs are walking lattes...]

    YAKKO: Now, Wakko, calm down...I'm sure we can settle this...(chuckles) er, Dot?

    DOT: Oh, like *I'm* going to help *you*, Mr. "Overabuse-a-certain-gag-to-death"....what's next on the fanfic cliches list, huh, swearing uncharacteristically and getting married? (Makes kissy faces) Oooh, I forgot....the day you get a girl is the day Britney Spears finds her *talent*.

    YAKKO: Well at least *I* don't insist on turning the decor of everything into some reject from Martha Stewart's catalog...

    DOT: Oh, that's *it*... (Makes a karate-like move) HIIIYYYAAAAHHH! [Dot jumps on Yakko, and the two begin fighting...Wakko, still coffee-crazed, joins in, and a fight cloud emerges...we see from the stress of the fight the robotic parasites are flung off the sibs, and when the cloud clears, we see Wakko's biting into his own leg...]

    DOT: Whoa...feels like my head just got hit by some crazed, coffee-loving maniac...

    WAKKO: No foolin'! (Pouts) Uh...sorry I thought you were lattes and tried to devour you in a fit of caffeinated rage, or somethin'.

    YAKKO: Aaaaaahhh, think nothin' of it, Wakko.

    WAKKO: Faboo! Guess I can hold off on cashing in my "get 1 free coffee with every ten" card (whips it out, and Dot snatches it away)

    DOT: Sorry, Wakko, but we don't have time for this...we've got to find the bad guys! Betcha they did this....

    YAKKO: Right! (Eyes Lobo's bike) But we *do* have time for... (they jump on the bike, and the bike lurches forward through the White House once more, with the sibs fighting over who gets to drive....)

    Cut to Lisa's compound. Axel, in a moment of depression, is crying...and not cursing either. In the background, we hear an extended version of "Holding Back The Years" by Simply Red.

    Axel: (dots indicate sobs) This...is all my...fault. Quick judgements...the wrong few words...my world is falling apart...The Warners were right...I AM AN IDIOT!...OH, GOD!...WHY? (Axel wipes away a tear with the bandage-covered remains of his finger) If Lisa killed me now...The whole operation would be fine!...I'd be gone...The Warners would be happy...Morris?

    Morris: (removing a sliver of vinyl from his arm. A red-streaked record jacket for The Time's "Ice Cream Castles" lays on the floor) Yeah, Axe?

    Axel: If I were to ask you to kill me, what would you say?

    Morris: (Enraged at Axel's depression, he turns to him) Listen to yourself! You can't blame the problems of an emotionally distraught woman all on yourself, and I'm sorry, but no human is worth getting jail time. I could never kill you. We come from a common cloth. Besides, you only did what was right. The law had to be carried out. The task just partially fell on you. Axel, you have worth. You have wit. The Warners like you. They just like goofing around with you. (Calming down) C'mon, back when Prince still partook of milk products, he loaded my dressing room with ice cream. It's just goofs. They like you. They honestly care for you. If they didn't care for you at all, then you would have burned to your death on that lonely stretch of highway. Axel, give yourself credit. You're not bad at all. You are awesome.

    Axel lets out a smile. There's silence for 10 seconds.

    Axel: Thanks, Morris! Can I have a hug?

    Morris: Sure!

    They get up and really bear-hug each other. Axel cries a little more.

    Morris: Don't worry, Axel. We'll be okay. We will.

    A newly-energized Axel and Morris walk down to Lisa's office. They triumphantly sing the chorus to the Four Tops' 1988 song "Indestructible".

    Axel & Morris: 2 hearts that can beat as one/ There ain't a single thing we can't overcome/ We're indestructible/ Indestructible/ We've got the power of love!

    Axel knocks on Lisa's door.

    Lisa: (V.O) I still got the hammer. I can crack you two open like walnuts.

    Axel: I fear you no more. Let me in. We need to talk. I won't hurt you.

    Lisa: (Opens the door) What do you need?

    Axel: If it's any help, I can get you back in contact with your father.

    Morris gets a quizzical, wide-eyed look on his face.

    Lisa: Whaddya think I am, an idiot? There is no way I can ever contact him again (Lisa chokes back a tear). You are a (bleep)ing heartless swindler.

    Axel: (frustrated) Look, trust me this one time. (Calming down) When I was younger, my grandfather Josiah told me of a power that ran in our family. We could communicate with the dead. I discovered many things. I found out, for example, that the family is related to a royal family in Africa. I'm pretty sure that I have a royal name. I've always wanted to ask this family that question. I will one day. Until that time, I am willing to channel your father so that you can discuss, talk and say what you weren't able to. Bearing in mind that you'll be arrested after I make this contact, do you accept?

    Lisa: (Teary-eyed) Um...Oh, God...Um...Yes, I accept!

    Axel: Good. I will need to gather up materials. One more thing, Lisa. If I am to do this, you must cast aside all weaponry.

    Lisa: If it'll get me back in contact with him, then...I agree.

  13. #13
    Captain Caps is offline Member
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    [Cut away from Michigan's actor/cop-turned-rookie US House Representative and Morris, and back to the villains.]

    LEADER: [Backs away from his terminal] Enough of this training, Minion!

    MINION: Um, yes sir. Does this mean you're ready to, um, engage them in the Final Confrontation?

    LEADER: (Pumps his fists) YES! With my genetically superior brainpower and our technology, we can't....

    MINION: ---fail? Um, yes, sir, but considering the means of which they've defeated their foes time and time again, I truly wish you'll consider a Confrontation tactic that differs from those that went before.

    PLOTZ: Oh, come on...I mean, why do we have to do something different? I mean, if the same thing didn't work *before*, maybe it'll work, um, for the twelfth time in a row?

    DUDLEY: (Rolling his eyes, along with Leader and Minion) (Sarcastically) Spoken like a true entertainment executive... (normal tone) Listen, Plotz, we can't just go in and face those characters with the same tactics others have used before---that way surely lies the path of defeat. But not to worry...I think I have a means to ensure our victory, using each of our natural strengths.

    PLOTZ: (Sounding hopeful) Um, might this include my Pokemon?

    DUDLEY: (Rolling his eyes again) *Yes*, it'll include that Pikachu thing of yours.... (Pulls out some paper, and begins drawing some plans) OK, gather around, all...this is what we'll do.... (Minion, Leader, and Plotz gather around Dudley's desk and listen...)

    [Cut away from the characterization of the villains, to the Brain half of the team, standing in the main foyer of the White House...]

    BRAIN: No sign of those villains, *or* their guards. They're surely planning something more elaborate than these robotic flies.... (Suddenly, they all hear some noise...)

    BILLIE: (Adjusting the caffeine-ator's pressure settings) Um, guys....that sounds awfully loud...

    JOANIE: And carbon monoxide-spewing...

    MULLY: And in need of an oil change...

    SLAPPY: And--aw, heck with this stupid routine! It's---

    LOBO: (Perking up/interrupting Slappy) *MY HAWG*!

    [Yes, we see zooming into the main foyer are the Warners, on Lobo's bike; they zip around the other heroes, laughing all the while....Brain rolls his eyes at this merrymaking of theirs, while Lobo quickly reaches out and grabs the bike in mid-circling, causing it to come to a sudden stop and throwing the Warners off....a crashing sound is heard. Pan over to see the sibs have their heads stuck through paintings of Franklin D. Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, and Gerald Ford respectively....]

    YAKKO: (Head through the FDR painting, dazed) We have nothing to fear, but...Rosie O'Donnell.

    WAKKO: (Head through Abe's painting, also dazed) Um.... "four score and seven innings ago?"

    DOT: (Through Gerald Ford's painting, also dazed) Uh... "you're all pardoned?"

    BRAIN: (Flatly) Nice to see you could rejoin us, *and* return Lobo's cycle in the process.

    YAKKO: (Yanks the painting off his head) Er, yeah...that's us. Helpful, courteous, not under parasitic control and forced to pointlessly fight each other...

    BRAIN: *Very well*, then. Now, if you're through with your pointless antics, might we resume the search for---

    VOICE: (From nowhere) Your *doom*?

    BRAIN: (Almost whispering) *Dudley*...

    VOICE: Yes, Brain...you who've cost me much in the past...

    JOANIE: OK, I know we've eaten up a lot of time already getting to this point, but could somebody tell me what it is that started your villainy?

    DUDLEY: *Oh, no*, we're not falling for the "villain explains his scheme while the heroes buy themselves some time" bit....if you want *that* info, missy, ask the Brain....

    JOANIE: *Blast*...

    DUDLEY: Go ahead, Brain...I'm listening....

    BRAIN: (Raising an eyebrow) Very well, then....to summarize: (Flashback clouds) Dudley was once an aspiring Warner Bros. animation star, but his extremely mediocre cartoons and the rising popularity of Slappy Squirrel and Bugs Bunny forced an end to his career, and with his cartoons currently banished to the 3 AM Sunday timeslot on Cartoon Network... after spending the next half-century in various occupations, he decided some months back to try to take over Mexico with the aid of Rocky, Muggsy, Daffy, Sylvester, and the super-speed-granting "hypervelocity suit" in an attempt to re-establish his acting career. But thanks to Pinky, Billie and I having our *own* hypervelocity suits, we quickly handed Dudley defeat via Pinky's...ahem... "unique" solution of generating a superspeed effect that sent Dudley on a, until now, one-way trip into the far future... * [* - more or less summarizing "Fastest Mice Alive" ---Brainatra] But apparently, he's somehow managed to come *back* from the future to presumably achieve his insipid goal of becoming a big star once again....

    DUDLEY: (Irate) It is *not* insipid! And besides, I had to come back---with technology from the year 2465 A.D. on hand, I would be assured success here in the 21st century! And now that we've had time to prepare for the Final Confrontation, *including* this extended origin retelling monologue (Brain rolls his eyes), it is *time* to *begin*!

    PINKY: Oh, yeah? Well, Mr. Not-so-nice puppy man, you'll never beat us! We're unstoppable! Unbeatable! And besides, you blew up Axel! (Near hysterical) YOU MANIACS...YOU BLEW HIM UP! DARN YOU---DARN YOU ALL TO *HECK*! (Sobs)

    BILLIE: Pinks, no offense, but that line's starting to get a *teensy* bit old...

    PINKY: (Stops sobbing) Erm, not as old as that "two places at once" thingy, is it?

    OTHERS (EXCEPT THE WARNERS): (Emphatically) *NO*!

    YAKKO: Geez, create a localized distortion in the space-time continuum a few hundred times and no on ever lets you forget it....

    (Suddenly, we see the heroes shimmering, a la the "Enterprise" teleporter....we see all the heroes are teleported into seperate all-white-looking rooms: the Warners and Valley Girls in one room, the lab mice, Joanie and Mully in another room, and Slappy, Skippy, and Lobo in a third room....)

    LOBO: (To the squirrels) Hey, those feebs didn't get those fraggin' Worms....maybe we've got backup fer this Final Confron-whatsits thingamajig?

    SLAPPY: Eh, I kinda doubt it....

    [Zip pan to the orbiting "Enterprise", which now has across its bridge a giant "Starbucks" banner...inside, we see the Worms are on the bridge, selling coffee to various alien passerby [and drinking half of it in the process]...)

    WORM 1: To capitalism!

    WORM 2: To java!

    WORM 3: To shamelessly ripping off a successful chain operation's idea!

    WORM 4: True, but no folk singing allowed here...

    WORM 1: Woo-hoo!

    [Zip back to the heroes in their seperate rooms; Dudley's voice is heard eminating to all three rooms]

    DUDLEY: Now, let us begin...the *FINAL CONFRONTATION*! (Laughs)

    PINKY: Um....is this one being televised to a coast-to-coast audience thingy, POIT?

    DUDLEY: (VO) Um...are we broadcasting this thing?

    PLOTZ: (VO) Lemme check... (thumbs through some papers) Yes, we're airing it in place of our "Avogadro's-number-put-to-shame Poke-marathon"!

    DUDLEY: (VO) Excellent! Now, let this battle...*being*!

    [In the Warners' room...]

    YAKKO: *Please*. (to sibs) Well, guys, I guess this'll be yet another repetitive Final Confrontation...ready with the usual game-ending tactics?

    DOT: Um, Yakko...they cut off access to our weapons, remember?
    No anvils, no explosives, no ropes-appearing-from-nowhere to pull....

    YAKKO: (Flatly) Oh, yeah....*that*.

    [Suddenly, Plotz's holographic head appears in front of the Warners/Valley Girls]

    PLOTZ'S HOLOGRAPHIC HEAD: *Yes*, that....and now, we're ending your brand of wacky non-Pokemon-related hijinks once and for all! Prepare to be *defeated*!

    [Cut to Joanie, Mully, and the mice's room]

    BRAIN: (Whispering to Billie, who's still pulling the caffeine-ator behind her) Billie....I presume they're planning on sending into this room some aspect designed to prey on our weaknesses...

    BILLIE: (Polishing one of the dials, whispering) Kind of figured that, Eggy....

    BRAIN: (Whispering) Yes...well, I presume they're planning on carrying out this Final Confrontation from some remote location inside the White House. If it were possible to escape from this room through some means, maybe we could track down where they're controlling this battle from, catch them by surprise, and use the caffeineator on their own tesseract-based weaponry and finish them off!

    BILLIE: (Whispering) No problem.... assuming we can get out of here....

    MULLY: Not to worry...I've been in tighter spots than this with Sculder. With Joanie's help we'll survive....

    [Suddenly, we see a holographic image of Dudley's head in the room]

    DUDLEY: (Hearing this snippet) Survive? I very much doubt it....ready? Here we go! (Laughs sinisterly)

    [Cut to the squirrels' & Lobo's room....they're facing the Alien Leader's holographic head]

    LEADER: I'm sure you'll find this Final Confrontation technique to be both *original* *and* effective! Thanks to my genetically-enhanced brain, computer simulations and careful test group polling, this tactic has a 99.9999% *guaranteed* victory rate!

    SLAPPY: Uh-huh. (Whips out a bomb, and tosses it at a wall for practice; it explodes, but leaves the wall unscathed. The leader's head laughs) *Oooh-kay*, this is different.

    LEADER: As if we *hadn't* anticipated that tactic, Miss Squirrel.... (ceases laughing, and sighs) oh, well...prepare to die.

    [In a three-way split screen, we see all the heroes in their seperate rooms gulp...]

    [Commercials promoting "Static Shaq 2: Electric Boogaloo" play...then, cut back to Our Heroes, who're still in the seperate rooms, all gulping. Suddenly, the walls seperate, piling them all into the same room, with their foes' holographic images all together...]

    BILLIE: (Rubbing her head) That was unpleasant.

    WAKKO: Hey, look! (points at Dudley's holographic head, along with Alien Leader's and Plotz's)

    DUDLEY: Well, since we realized that any of the traditional Final Confrontation™ tactics will result in backfiring on us, and with a heavy chance of having a "Team Rocket" pulled, which would be the *least* painful result, we've decided to subject to you all a most *severe* form of torture, guaranteed to end your miserable lives!

    DOT: Watching the 76ers get creamed by the Lakers?

    YAKKO: Watching the *Pacers* get creamed by the Lakers?

    WAKKO: Watching the once-mighty *Bulls* get creamed by...um...everyone else?

    ALIEN LEADER: *Worse*! [We see the heads disappear...]

    JOANIE: Hmm...maybe they've changed their minds?

    SLAPPY: Either that, or these mooks are gonna throw at us the usual lame Final Confrontation™ stuff...didja remember to study those martial arts lessons, Skippy? Gotta feelin' it's ninja-thug-time again...

    SKIPPY: Er, sorry, Aunt Slappy...you cancelled my lessons so you could pay for that HBO subscription, remember?

    SLAPPY: Oh, yeah... sorry, Skip.

    SKIPPY: (To Joanie) This is what happens when I have an aunt who *really* likes Dennis Miller...

    SLAPPY: (Off-screen) I heard that...

    [The heroes (the Warners, Slappy, Skippy, Joanie, Mully, the two Valley Girls, and Lobo, in case you've forgotten) all brace themselves for the villain's onslaught...Billie clutches the nozzle of the caffeine-ator tightly.]

    [We see smoke fill a corner of the room, and several figures begin to step forward...the first figure is none other than...]

    BRAIN: (Shocked) *ZALGAR*!

    ZALGAR: *In the flesh*....and hopefully soon, your *brain* will be so, as well. (Laughs, as Brain glares at the brain-eating alien)

    DOT: Hmph...I kind of had a feeling that *he'd* show up in this thing sooner or later...space aliens....Zalgar...invasions...

    YAKKO: Really? I never would've thought it.

    BRAIN: (Angry) Well, *I* did....somehow, I just *knew* Zalgar had to be connected with all this in some way...

    DOT: (Pats Brain on the head, which annoys him even more) Awww, there there, Brain....don't get upset. You'll make your brain even more wrinkly... (sees Zalgar) Er...never mind.

    [We see step from the smoke another figure...it resembles a metallic, robotic figure with various wires running along its body, and a red, monocle-like eyepiece. Its human half of its face resembles a certain non-hamster CEO of MicroSponge...]

    WILLIAM GRATES: Greetings, fools. Prepare to be assimilated...into my *next* operating system upgrade!

    BRAIN: What th---?! While I admit he's retaken control of MicroSponge since Snowball's..."disappearance"... there's been no indication that he's ever been...well...*cybernetic*. How...??

    [From the shadows, we see yet *another* figure step forward...it resembles the typical Generic Hired Goon (not a ninja-thug)...he seems a bit disoriented.]

    HIRED GOON: (Glares at the two Valley Girls) Hey! It's dose two broads I was hired by "20" ta take down....(peers more closely at them) Gee, you've aged a lot...(whips out a photo labelled "Calli and Wendi, Fall 1991")

    CALLI: Like, what-*ev*.

    WENDI: You'd better check yourself before you wreck yourself, or somethin'...

    BRAIN: This grows curiouser and curiouser...

    PINKY: *Naaarf*....

    [Soon, yet another figure steps forward....it's none other than Sigourney Weaver. However, she looks a bit, well, "frazzled"...we see dark rings under her eyes, as if she's been under extreme duress...]

    WAKKO: *HELLOOOOO, NUR---*

    SIGOURNEY: (Sounding insane) *STUFF IT, YA (BLEEP)IN' DOGGY-BOY!* (Whips out a Big Honkin' Futuristic-Looking Gun, and fires it at Wakko; we see Wakko barely dodge the blast)

    WAKKO: Uh, gee, I was just tryin' to be polit----

    SIGOURNEY: (Still sounding beserk) *POLITE*?!? JUST LIKE THAT JERK WHO CAST ME IN THIS NEVER-ENDING, NIGHTMARE MOVIE THEY'RE SHOOTING?! "ALIEN RESURRECTION"?!? MORE LIKE "ALIEN *FREAKIN'* NIGHTMARE!*

    YAKKO: Ahhh, while I can see how anyone being forced to work for James Cameron could go a little ca-ca coo-coo, dontcha think---

    SIGOURNEY: (Still crazed) THINK?! HA! AS IF ANY THOUGHT WENT INTO THIS PIECE OF DREK!!! (Sees Mully) *OOOH, IF IT ISN'T LITTLE MISS "I-HAVE-A-SUCCESSFUL-SHOW-ON-FOX!" (Starts to reload her gun) YOU'RE GOIN' *DOWN*, MISSY! YOU'RE *ALL* GOIN' DOWN!!!

    BILLIE: *OK*, Eggy, this is *definitely* getting strange...

    PINKY: Oh, yes! NARF! She shouldn't carry around that much really shiny futuristic-type leather---it's so last *year*!

    [Apparently not finished, we see another figure emerge from the smoke....we hear eminate from it a familiar-sounding, staccato laugh...]

    FIGURE: *Heh....heh...heh*...

    WARNERS: (Cheerful sounding) *AXEL*!

    YAKKO: (Steps forward) Boy, are we glad to see----

    [Indeed, it *is* Axel....but instead of greeting his fellow cohorts, Axel grabs Yakko by the neck and hurl him against a wall....Yakko gets up, looking heavily dazed.]

    YAKKO: (Dazed) Er....was it something I said?!? (Shakes his head)

    DOT: Axel...you look so....*angry*. What'd they do to you?!?

    AXEL: (Irate) *DO TO ME*?!? More like what I'm (bleep)in' gonna do to *you* (bleep)s! You've (bleep)ed with *me* one last time, ya (bleep)ers! I don't know how the (bleep) I got *here*, but you (bleep)s are gonna (bleep)in' pay! This saga ain't (bleep)in' over *yet*!!!

    [The Warners turn and stare at each other, looking shocked]

    DOT: Axel's...*bad* again?!

    WAKKO: (Sniffs) Aw, gee, what'd we *do*?!

    YAKKO: (Rubbing his head) Don't ask me....he's the one who used me as a lawn dart.

    BRAIN: (To Billie) Stranger *yet*....it's almost as if...

    BILLIE: But it *can't* be....

    BRAIN: Needless to say, I fear *so*...

    PINKY: What? What *is* it, Brain?!?

    [Still further yet, we see materialize from the smoke and shadows another figure..]

    FIGURE: (Coughs) Blasted smoke...not that it'll matter---for I *am* going to *KICK*...*SOME*.... (BLEEP)IN'...NON-HOOSIER...(BLEEP)!

    [We see the figure step forward, revealing itself to be---]

    PINKY: Egad! It's Bobby Knight! And he looks *aaaangryyyy*....TROZ!

    [The ex-Indiana University basketball coach steps forward, wielding two pairs of folding chairs in his hands....he throws one at Joanie, who narrowly ducks.]

    LOBO: *Whoa*...now *this* is my kinda *guy*!

    JOANIE: (Annoyed at Lobo) Um, *yeah*...if we ignore the assassination attempt.

    DOT: OK, we've seen some *stupid* hired goons sent to face us in the past, but a *basketball coach*?! I'm supposed to be quaking in fear of *this* gu---

    [A chair gets hurled at Dot, narrowly grazing her head. She reaches up to see it's singed off several of her flower petals.]

    DOT: (Flatly) None of our usual abilities...no explosives...and mutiple, actually dangerous hired goons. Almost *forgot*. (Looks scared) *OK*, I'm afraid now... (the Warners quiver in fear)

    [Finally, one last figure eminates from the smoke and fog....ominous music plays, as the figure steps forward. Once the heroes see who it is, they all gulp (well, except for Lobo, who's too busy picking his teeth with the keys to his bike)...it's none other than...]

    DR. BURROWS: What? Where am I *this* time?! Last thing I recall is being blown to bits at that award show---and now, here I *am*, in...(looks around) the *White House*?!? (Sees his cool cybernetic components are still partially functional post-being-blown-to-bits) Ah, well.... (pulls his arms into his body, and out to reveal a robotic claw for one arm, and a ray gun-like weapon in another...) Perhaps now is time to set right what went wrong... (sees the Warners and lab mice) Starting with *you* who usurped my award-show-attempt at ridding the world of those little "Histeria" brats...

    PINKY: Um, Brain? This is getting *scary*...I mean, I thought nobody wanted to remember that award show!

    BRAIN: (Glaring at Zalgar still) *Indeed*, this *is* truly disturbing...

    JOANIE: But that doesn't explain just *where* they all came from...especially this cybernetic Grates!

    BILLIE: (Glaring at Zalgar and Burrows) I think *I* know where these guys came from...

    WAKKO: Um, I don't....where did they come from, Mr. Holographic Evil Puppy Man?

    DUDLEY: (VO) *Well*, since you asked so nicely... (his holographic head changes to a series of images demonstrating his about-to-follow speech...)

    [We see an image of Dudley in the year 2465 AD...]

    DUDLEY: (VO) As you know, I was sent to the far future by those miserable rodents (* - in "Fastest Mice Alive") ...but by "borrowing" the Brain's intercosmic diametric transposer (* - as seen in "Brain of Two Worlds", a device allowing the Brain to transverse time and space itself! ---B.) from a museum in which it was ensconsed, I managed to travel back to 2001... (we see a holographic image play of Dudley swiping the IDT from a museum display which as the device behind a velvet rope; a sign reads "The Brain's Intercosmic Diametric Transposer: Utilized for dimensional and temporal travel by the Brain. Do not touch." A guard is standing nearby, but he's apparently too busy ogling over a holographic statue of Minerva Mink; Dudley waves his hand (paw?) in front of the guard's face, and seeing he's totally out of it, proceeds to haul off the transporter. Soon, we see Dudley inside an enlargened version of the running wheel of the IDT, with him running along it until its time-and-space-warping teleportation effects kick in, sending him into the past).

    DUDLEY: And once I arrived here in 2001, I reconstructed another version of the IDT, which I've used, as you can see, quite proficiently!

    BRAIN: (Flatly) You mean....?

    DUDLEY: *YES*! Realizing that the usual Final Confrontation™ tactics won't work, but that past adventures' villain tactics *prior* to the Confrontation™ often come close, we've figured we could defeat you all by using the *best* of those tactics! So what better way to do so than by using an old tactic....

    DOT: (Groans) You don't mean...

    DUDLEY: Yes---it's the old "PULL A VILLAIN FROM THE PAST INTO THE PRESENT" bit! (Orchestra music: Dum-dum-duuuummm....) (We see a holographic image of Dudley using the IDT to pull characters from varying years [according to the control panel] into the present)

    YAKKO: I *knew it*... bad guys just can't leave time-travel well enough alone...

    BRAIN: Or old cliches well enough alone----apparently they learned nothing from those times Dr. Burrows and Judge Doom were pulled out of the past to bother us in the present....

    DOT: (Sternly) That's it...just keep yankin' bad guys out of the past, young man...see if we care when the whole space-time continuum collapses in on itself! (Wakko and Yakko make "tsk, tsk" motions/noises at the holo-Dudley, which frowns)

    PINKY: Egad....good thing Robert-the-writer isn't here, with Dr. Burrows and this bit being used and everything, he'd have a field day! NARF! (Brain glares at Pinky over this intrusive meta-humor reference)

    DUDLEY: *Please*...as if I would risk destroying the space-time continuum on destroying the likes of *you*! Unlike certain time-travellers, I'm not *that* irresponsible! Besides, my "help" will all be sent back to their native times with their memories of these events wiped once I'm *done*....but first, just *where* they came from...er, Leader?

    ALIEN LEADER: Thank you...(his holographic finger points at each foe) First off, Ms. Signourney Weaver here (Sig looks agitatedly at her Big Gun, her mouth nearly foaming) we pulled from several years ago, during the filming of that atrocious and *totally unrealistic portrayal of alien life forms* move called "Alien Resurrection". Apparently the stress of filming this lousy film was so great, Weaver was rumored to have gone beserk for a brief period of time...long enough for us to "borrow" her for this Confrontation! HAH!

    LEADER: Next, we have Bobby Knight...pulled from briefly after he was sacked by Indiana University for his sportsmanlike "conduct".

    LOBO: Feh....I don't see nothin' wrong with the way he's actin'!

    DOT: (About to say something, but abstains) Forget it...it's way too easy.

    LEADER: And of course, since he was just sacked, he's clearly not in a rightful mind...or *mood*! (Another folding chair flies across the screen....) Next, beloved uber-corporate monopolist William Grates---or rather, his *future self*! As Dudley revealed to me, in 2007, Grates becomes one of the first humans to subject himself to cybernetic implants, citing that "it gives me something to do with after raking in enough moolah to buy out Mexico and after that Justice Dept. lawsuit collapsed faster than one could say 'change in presidential administrations'"...anyway, we've pulled him here, and despite owning enough market share to put Murdoch to shame, he's still in an acquiring mood...ready to assimilate anyone not willing to pony up the bucks for his latest, best operating system "Windows MMVIIa Revision 2.5.3 Update 3.2e"!

    GRATES: Indeed.... (glances at Joanie) Ah...analyzing... (sweeps a cybernetic scanner across her) Analysis complete. An Apple user....owns one Powerbook 2300...internal 56k modem...fairly aged...not Windows MMVIIa Revision 2.5.3 Update 3.2e-compatible....you *will * be assimilated.

    JOANIE: (Imitating Lt. Worf) I like my *species* the way it is! (All stare at her) Ooops, sorry...been watching that "Best of Both Worlds" episode of "Next Generation" for the trillionth time again...

    DUDLEY: (taking back over from Leader) (VO): *Ahem*....anyway, next on our little hit parade is Axel Foley---also pulled here from the future...more specifically, during a certain apocalyptic harbinging that dear Mr. Foley raised due to insanity and Warner-hatred before being punished in the future, and was sent back...well, while he was being sent back to 1999, we decided to pull him here to 2001 en route, still as foul-mouthed and foul-tempered as ever, HA! (* - said apocalyptic events happened in 2015, in "Once and Future Warners" ---B.)

    AXEL: (Glaring at the sibs) (Bleep)in' right I'm *MAD*!

    WAKKO: And I'm just lost---time travel makes my head hurt!

    BRAIN: So did figuring out how to open that can of potato chips before you resorted to that mallet. (Wakko grins)

    DUDLEY: Then, we have Zalgar here...not from another time, but merely hired on by us after realizing that his lust for Brain's brain and his various implements might be of an aid...

    ZALGAR: Indeed----all that, and a free meal! (Licks his lips)

    DUDLEY: Saves *us* a bit of work...(chuckles). Next, we've got this goon that was hired originally by "20" to put you two Valley Girls out of the way permanently back in 1991...but, well... (the holo-Dudley shrugs) we figured, couldn't hurt to have 'em kill them *here*.

    BRAIN: Wait....why should you care what happens to the girls?! I presume that'd be the responsibility of those gangsters....

    DUDLEY: Well, Leader here figured we owed them a little assistance, especially seeing as a certain someone's electrified rodent *failed* in its task... (glares off-screen at Plotz) Anyway, he's here, he's ready---DEAL WITH IT!

    (The two Valley Girls gulp)

    DUDLEY: And finally---

    DR. BURROWS: No need to introduce *me*, mongrel...I *am* Dr. Gene Burrows, apparently pulled here from that Harley Awards show during the summer of 2000 to do your "dirty work"----which was where I was pulled to from the February of 2000 by those ninja-thugs. (* - back in the "Harley Awards" ---B.) Well, before I proceed to take care of my *actual* Histeria antagonists, I may as well take care of the ones who got in my way during that award show... (glares at the Warners) Besides, any acquaintance of theirs clearly must be an enemy of *mine*...

    DUDLEY: All of these historical villains will be your undoing in this Final Confrontation™---especially with all of you denied the use of your usual explosives, anvils, and gags thanks to our advanced technology! So---have fun dying! (We hear the three villains laugh, before Dudley's holographic head vanishes...we see the time-displaced-and-insane Axel Foley and Sigourney Weaver, Zalgar, the Hired Goon, the Cyber-Grates, and Dr. Burrows all begin to move in on the Heroes...dramatic music plays....)

    PINKY: Egad! What'll we do, Brain?

    BRAIN: First---*RUN*! (The mice do so, as some sort of ray gun-like blast nearly hits the three)

    ZALGAR: Oh, darn...I missed! (Sees the mice fleeing towards a wall) But they won't get away...

    BILLIE: Hope this works--- (turns up the caffeine-ator, and aims it at a wall; we see it begin to shake from the caffeine-induced stimulation, before it explodes, creating a large hole...the mice race through the hole, with Zalgar in hot pursuit)

    PINKY: (Running) *Huff*...*puff*...what now, Brain?

    BRAIN: (Running) Now, we go to the source of those villains' holographic transmissions...

    BILLIE: (Running) But where could that be? We've spent the past hour or two wandering around the main White House grounds, trying to find it!

    BRAIN: (Running) True---and that's failed... (nearly gets hit by another ray blast) But that's why we should fall back on the more tried-and-true methods...do you recall how we snuck into Faust's facility and found his main operating rooms?

    PINKY: Egad....the heating duct-thingies?

    BRAIN: *Exactly*! (Points to a heating grate ahead) Hurry! (Billie blasts the grate with another highly-agitated dose of coffee, which causes it to explode, creating a hole big enough for the mice to drag the device through....Zalgar comes to a halt at the grate.)

    ZALGAR: Oh, *blast* it all...if they think they can get away, well, they've thought *wrong*! (Dum-dum-duuuummm....)

  14. #14
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    [Cut to the Warners, who're facing off against the approaching irate-and-time-displaced Harbinger of the Apocalypse and Dr. Burrows....]

    AXEL: (Bleep)! This is gonna feel mighty (bleep)in' good offin' you (bleep)ers....

    YAKKO: Axel, baby, sweetheart, harbinger of the apocalypse.... you don't *really* want to do this to us!

    DR. BURROWS: I'm quite certain Mr. Foley *does*....and besides, if he doesn't, I *shall*. You children annoy me...

    DOT: I know....isn't that what makes us so *great*?

    AXEL: Feh...I'm gonna find a way to send you (bleep)ers *real* far away, once I get my (bleep)in' mitts on another time machine---how's the swingin' (bleep)in' sixties sound to you?!

    DOT: Wooo....we could play at Woodstock....

    YAKKO: (Imitating Austin Powers) Or get our shaggadelic *groove* on, bay-bee...

    WAKKO: Or eat space food sticks 'til we *barf*!!

    [The sibs break out into singing "The Age of Aquarius"...]

    AXEL: Shut your (bleep)s up! Ferget it---that ain't where I'm sendin' you....

    DR. BURROWS: Well, I'd suggest sending them to the great inkwell in the sky myself.

    AXEL: (Scratches his head, then shrugs) Um...OK! (The two begin moving in closer....)

    DOT: Um, Axel, if you do this, you'll *never* get to find out how your future turns out....

    AXEL: What the (bleep) do you know about my future? *I* know what it's gonna consist of---seeing you (bleep)ers pushin' up daisies!!

    YAKKO: Yeah, right....this from someone whose movie "Life" laid an egg....

    AXEL: *WHAT*?! No way---it's supposed to be (bleep)in' *great*! Er...the video sales were still strong, right?

    [The Warners shake their heads "no" sadly]

    AXEL: *AAAAH*! (BLEEP) ! No way my career's gonna go down the (bleep)in' toilet like that! (Pauses) But I *am* doing well *now*, right?

    WAKKO: (Grins) Oh, *yeah*, that movie with the talking donkey was---

    DOT: (Slapping her hand over Wakko's mouth) ---truly awful. Horrible. Possibly the worst thing ever to hit celluloid since....well... "Life".

    AXEL: (Screams) Don't (bleep)in' believe this! Lemme guess---this is how my (bleep)in' life starts to go down the drain, right? I saw myself in 2015 still pluggin' away as some two-bit cop--and this is where things start to go (bleep)in' wrong, right? I mean, nothin' I've done here in 2001's changed that from happenin' right?

    YAKKO: (Thinking of Axel Foley's US Congressional victory) Aaaaahhhhh....

    AXEL: (Grabs his head) Gotta do somethin'....gotta get back...(whips out some paper and a pencil, and begins trying to scrawl out some plans) OK, if I don't invest in that time-share in Florida, and bring back to 1999 with me a sports almanac from (bleep)in' 2001....

    DR. BURROWS: (Shaking his head at this) Feh....you three might've stopped this so-called harbinger of some futuristic apocalypse...

    YAKKO: More times than we can count...

    DR. BURROWS: But your usual so-called wits won't work on me. (Whips out his ray gun-arm-attachment) Prepare to die.

    DOT: Aren't you going to ramble on and on about your plans and how brilliant you are and----

    DR. BURROWS: I think not. Insipid villainous cliche... (Opens fire, and the Warners narrowly duck, Dot whipping out the newspaper she was reading earlier as cover; Axel, briefly glancing up, gets a glance at a headline reading "Shrek Not Drek, Foley's Career Rolling"...)

    AXEL: WHAT?! You little (bleep)s----that paper says my career's doin' *great*!! (Tears his pad in half, and whips out his pistol) OK, Tin Man---let's get rid of these (bleep)ers!

    [The Warners gulp]

    DR. BURROWS: Excuse me, but I am not a "Wizard of Oz" character---my name is Dr. Gene Burrows. You would do well to remember that. I mean, I don't refer to *you* as Professor Klump...

    AXEL: Aw, go (bleep) it, you Gene Hackman lookalike... I've been under stress lately, with tryin' to take over the (bleep)in' world and all. Don't make me call you somethin' *worse* than "Tin Man"...cause I *will*. (Emits a staccato laugh)

    DR. BURROWS: (Lowering his weapon from the Warners' direction) Hmph...small wonder you re-team up with these puppy-children....

    WAKKO: Hey, we're not----

    AXEL: (Aims his pistol at Wakko's head) You're whatever we say you are, ya little (bleep)er...got it?

    WAKKO: (Gulps) Uh....heh, heh....yeah... (Grins broadly)

    AXEL: Now, what's this about teaming up with these little dog pound rejects...

    DOT: Hey, don't call us.... (Axel aims his pistol at her) heh, heh...er, that is, "don't call us...*collect*"...heh...

    DR. BURROWS: (Sighs) Eventually, you reform and team up with these cretinous canine lookalikes to engage in a myriad of misadventures... quite frankly, why they'd even need the help of someone with such poor vocabulary skills---or, apparently, *thinking* skills---is beyond my comprehension.

    AXEL: Uh-uh...I *know* you didn't just go *dissin'* the MAIN MAN!

    DR. BURROWS: Well, consider yourself insulted. Now, may we please finish off these---

    AXEL: First things first, you (bleep)in' "Rent-a-RoboCop"....

    DR. BURROWS: (Glares at Axel) You're beginning to annoy me, Mr. Foley. You won't like me when I'm annoyed.

    AXEL: Oh, yeah? Well, then you *really* won't like what I'm about to say about your (bleep)in' (bleep) (bleep) self....rippin' off that line from the (bleep)in' "Incredible Hulk" no less...

    [As the two begin arguing, the Warners tie Axel's shoelace to the bottom of Burrow's robotic arm...]

    YAKKO: (Whistling) Yoo-hoo! Time-displaced bad guys! Finished pointlessly arguing with each other?

    AXEL: Hey, I thought I told you (bleep)in' (bleep)s to shut up!

    YAKKO: For your information, we're *also* not, aaaahhhh, that verb-based first explitive, *or* that second, noun-based one.

    AXEL: (Even more ticked off) That's *it*! I'm sick of you and your (bleep)in' smart mouths...

    DOT: There's the pot callin' the kettle black...

    AXEL: (Huffs) (BLEEP)! OK, this (bleep)'s ending *right here*, right *NOW*!

    DR. BURROWS: Agreed---we'll finish the argument *later*.

    [Both turn around to fire at the siblings---however, when Burrows raises his arm, Axel's shoelace winds up being pulled upwards, causing Axel to flip upside down, and slam into Burrows. The two stumble backwards, Burrows waving his ray-gun-arm wildly, before the two slam into a wall. The ray gun aimed towards the two, it accidentially is set off by the dual-body-slam-into-the-wall, rendering both smoldering and out for the count.]

    YAKKO: We did it, sibs!

    WAKKO: And we didn't even need to drop wacky stuff on them!

    DOT: Or engage in a certain overused space-distorting running joke...

    [Cut to the Valley Girls, who're facing the early-90's-derived Hired Goon and the insane Sigourney Weaver...]

    HIRED GOON: OK, I know a lot's changed in 9 or 10 years, but, um, I know *this* much----A.) MC Hammer's career has ta be, like, better than ever, and 2.) ....uh...bullets still work! (Laughs goofily)

    CALLI: Like, *that's* your best line?

    WENDI: That is like, *so* lame.

    CALLI: *Hammer* lame.

    HIRED GOON: Hey, don't make fun of my dialogue... it's not like I had a lot of time to practice, bein' yanked a good decade into the future all unexpected-like. Shoot, I don't even know what passes for being popular here in 2001....uh..."Tiny Toons" still on the air?

    VALLEY GIRLS: Uh-uh.

    HIRED GOON: Hmph. Too bad....I liked that Babs... uh...oooh, I know! That hilarious "Ren and Stimpy" show! (Imitates Ren) *YOU EEEDIOT*!

    CALLI: Like, seen it.

    WENDI: Like, *so* 10-years-ago.

    HIRED GOON: Uh, OK, I know! This one *never* gets old...(laughs goofily)... (Imitates Bart Simpson) *AYE CARAM---*

    CALLI: Lame.

    WENDI: *Hammer* lame...*squared*.

    HIRED GOON: (Upset) Feh....what do you, uh, future-type chicks, or whatever, know anyways about what's funny?!? You probably think that "Seinfeld" show is going to actually become *popular*...

    CALLI: Well, we do know that psycho-woman's about to, like, do some bit I saw Keanu Reeves did in that "Matrix" movie...

    HIRED GOON: Keanu Reeves?! That stupid surfer dude from that time-machine phone booth movie?!? What kind of career could that no-talent loser possibly have?! I--- (gets cut off, as he's hit from behind and knocked out by none other than the insane Sigourney Weaver.)

    SIGOURNEY: SEE THAT?! I'M MAD AS HECK, AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE ANYMORE!

    CALLI: Like, standing in your way of *what*?! Acting like some complete *psycho*?!

    WENDI: Or your right to go around packin' all that heat?!

    CALLI: Or rippin' off lines from "Network"?

    SIGOURNEY: *DON'T BOTHER ME*! OR *ELSE*----

    WENDI: Or else *what*?

    SIGOURNEY: OR ELSE---THIS! (Draws her Big Gun, and aims it squarely at the two Valley Girls)

    CALLI: This is like, *so* bad.

    WENDI: "Alien^3" bad.

    SIGOURNEY: *WHAT*?!? YOU LITTLE SNOT-NOSED BRATS ARE *SOOOO* DEAD, I---

    SLAPPY: (Walking over) Well, well, well, if it ain't that "Gorillas In The Mist" gal...(sees Ms. Weaver's oh-so-kewl-futuristic "Aliens" haircut) Nice hairdo---lemme guess: Edward Scissorhands??

    SIGOURNEY: DON'T BOTHER ME, YOU MISERABLE LITTLE SQUIRREL!

    SLAPPY: Feh, tell me about it---this flippin' story's dragged on longer than the presidential election did... and believe me, *that* was more entertainin'. Stupid writers can't even keep their minds on one thing---first gangsters, then aliens, and now, some dumb time-travel-"yank a bad guy into the flippin' future" Final Confrontation™ thingamajig...

    SIGOURNEY: (Scratches her head at Slappy's complaining, before shrugging and deciding to aim her bazooka at the Slapster)

    SLAPPY: And now, I get to face down some stressed-out actress with a bazooka powerful enough ta make Charlton Heston blush....

    SKIPPY: (Deadpan) Oh, how will we *ever* survive, Aunt Slappy?

    SLAPPY: Uh....like this? (To Sigourney) Hey, "Mist"-y....I just saw a few of your film's writers...

    SIGOURNEY: WHAT?! WHERE?!? (Picks up her bazooka, and goes even more beserk) I'LL KILL THEM! I'LL KILL *ALL* OF THEM!!!

    SLAPPY: Uh-huh. Well, Siggy, they had to bail---high powered meeting over how to milk this thing into another sequel. (Sounds of Sigourney going even more beserk) But they *did* leave their Powerbook here for you to get a sneak peak at the script fer "Aliens 5"...

    SIGOURNEY: (Sounding insane) WHERE IS *THIS* SCRIPT?!? I MUST SEE THIS EVIL, SO IT MAY BE VANQUISHED...*DEATH TO THE WRITERS*!!!

    SLAPPY: (Flatly) Let's not go there, sister. (To Sigourney) Follow me... (they walk off...)

    [Cut to Cyber-Grates, who's facing down Lobo; Mully and Joanie stand behind the Main Man, Mully with her pistol pulled and aimed at Grates. She lets off a shot, but it ricochets off his cyborg body parts]

    CYBER-GRATES: HA! Your primitive, non-Windows-compatible weaponry has no effect on *me*. Now, prepare to be assimilated....resistance is futile...

    LOBO: Oh, yeah, nerdwad? Resist *this*! (Lobo winds back with a punch, but winds up striking a forcefield that's eminated around Cyber-Grates' body...)

    CYBER-GRATES: Ha! I've adapted a long time ago to the attack tactic of those trying to *punch me out*!

    JOANIE: (Sarcastically) *Gee, I wonder why*....

    LOBO: Well, if you ain't goin' down *that* way, then let's see how well you'll react when I tear your fraggin' sorry self *apart*! (Moves to pick up Cyber-Grates, but he locks in his ray gun weapon squarely at the threesome)

    CYBER-GRATES: You take one step closer, and your two Mac-using cohorts will be fried to a crisp! Though I suppose you *will* be spared...I can assimilate your immense strength into my next batch of upgrades, making it resistant to *all* anti-trust lawsuits! And once assimilated, you will make an excellet drone to serve as a bouncer at all my parties...so what say you, Lobo?

    LOBO: (Thinking) Aw, geez, now I guess I gotta save these two broads' hides, or somethin'...like I'm some winpy hero like that Super-nerd. Though bein' paid to beat up people as a bouncer sounds kinda fun....

    MULLY: Lobo, *please*...don't give in to his demands! Think of what it'll mean for *us*!

    LOBO: (Blank stare)

    MULLY: (Sighs) Fine....think of what it'll mean for *yourself*.

    LOBO: Um, OK...

    JOANIE: Namely, just *how* do you think he'll plan on "assimilating" your strength for his little upgrade?

    LOBO: Beats me...unless he's plannin' on cuttin' off my arms or somethin'... (laughs, but sees one of Cyber-Grates' limbs change to a buzzsaw, and Lobo stops laughing)

    JOANIE: And remember how unsatisfied you were with being Brain's "EarthRule" ISP support help? Just think what might happen if, say, Grates here decides you're better of working in, dare I say, *Microsponge support*?!

    LOBO: (Screams) AIN'T NO WAY THE MAIN MAN'S GOIN' DOWN LIKE *THAT*!!! (Picks up Cyber-Grates)

    CYBER-GRATES: Put me down this minute!

    LOBO: No problem... (hurls him against a wall) And by the way, yer Microsponge Office software *sucks*! (Joanie and Mully stare at Lobo) Er...never mind...

    CYBER-GRATES: (Trying to get back up) You won't get away with this---

    SIGOURNEY: (Off-screen) That's funny.... *NEITHER WILL YOU*!!

    (Cyber-Grates stares upward, and sees that Sigourney, with Slappy and Skippy, stand over him; Sigourney's got her bazooka aimed at C-G...)

    SIGOURNEY: *DEATH TO THE HACK*!

    CYBER-GRATES: Hey! I only hacked into that Department of Defense system *once*! (Aims his ray gun weapon at Ms. Weaver)

    MULLY: Slappy, if Mr. Grates fatally injures this past version of Ms. Weaver in any way, it could have *serious* repercussions on the timeline....

    SLAPPY: Relax, Doc Brown, neither one's gonna do any harm.... Skip?

    [Skippy, who's seen chewing a large wad of gum, pulls it out of his mouth and hands it to Slappy, who pulls it into two seperate pieces...]

    SKIPPY: *Speeeww*!

    [We see Slappy rush over and sticks both pieces on Weaver and Grates' weaponry muzzles, just as they're about to fire in unison....]

    SLAPPY: Heh, heh....showed *this* one to Bugs back around '45...

    [We see the two fire at once, but instead of blowing each other to Kingdom Come, they wind up ensnaring themselves inside a giant gum bubble; their weapons are gummed up beyond use....]

    SIGOURNEY: (Struggling to get free) Let us *out*!

    CYBER-GRATES: (Struggling) This is unacceptable....hmm....maybe if I assimilated *this* to stop those competitors...

    MULLY: "Competitors"?

    CYBER-GRATES: Got to show that .02% of the marketplace I *haven't* assimilated yet who's boss...

    MULLY: *Natch*.

    [We see the Warners rejoin the others...]

    SLAPPY: Now *that's*...non-violent.

    SKIPPY: That *was* pretty peaceful of you, Aunt Slappy...

    SLAPPY: I know. It *won't* happen again. (To Lobo) Come on, Chuckles...let's put yer muscles to use poundin' those three goons into a black hole in the ground! Heh... (A rimshot noise is heard) Hey, these are the "space" jokes, guys....

    WAKKO: That was a joke?

    DOT: On *us*, I suppose... (another rimshot noise plays)

    SLAPPY: (Glares at Dot) Don't give up your day job, kid... waitaminute, forgot I was talkin' to the poster kids fer Manpower, heh. (another rimshot plays)

    DOT: *Not* funny.

    SLAPPY: That wasn't humor kid, that was just statin' the obvious...come on. Let's go find those three rats....

    SKIPPY: *Mice*...

    SLAPPY: *Whatever*...

    [Slappy, Skippy, Joanie, Mully, Lobo, and the Warners all exit...]

    [Cut back to the mice, who're now inside of the heating duct system, fleeing from Zalgar and trying to find the three main villains' control room/lair...Billie's still dragging the caffeine-ator along behind her...]

    BRAIN: This way...

    BILLIE: How do you know for sure?

    BRAIN: Well, I feel my innate sense of direction will lead us directly to the villains' main control room, where we shall encounter them and rise victorious!

    BILLIE: Uh-huh. Was this the same "innate sense of direction" that got us almost lost on I-94 heading from Chicago to Detroit awhile back?

    BRAIN: *Please*....that was merely an unplanned "detour" through the rustic cornfields of northern Indiana...

    BILLIE: ...and central Indiana....a good 150 miles *off-course*....

    PINKY: Ooooh, don't forget that brief stop-over in *Indianapolis*! I liked taking that tour of the Motor Speedway racetrack! HAHAHA! NARF!

    BRAIN: As if it was *my* fault those Warners turned the road map into paper dolls...insolent little bra--- *wait*!

    PINKY: What? (Brain shushes him)

    BRAIN: (Whispering) Look there...through that grate....

    [The three do so; they see a sprawling control room, lined with computer equipment; in one corner, we see the intercosmic diametric transposer that Dudley used to bring all those villains into the present. Various alien guards are wandering the room...]

    BRAIN: We've found it! The main control room!

    PINKY: Egad, *brilliant*, Brain! But what now?

    VOICE: (Off-screen) *Now*, my little friend, the Brain shall become the *centerpiece* of a delectable-and-low-calorie meal!

    [The mice freeze, and turn around...they find that some sort of mechanical claw is seen right behind them....a miniature microphone/speaker embedded in it emits the voice of....]

    BRAIN: (Whipsering/hissing) *Zalgar*....

    ZALGAR: Good guess, Brain...if it weren't for your dietary future, you'd do well on that "Weakest Link" game show.... (The claw grabs Brain, and begins dragging him back through the corridor...as it tries to round a corner, Brain grabs a metal duct brace, and holds on tight. The claw tries to emit a greater force to compensate...)

    BILLIE: Fight it, Eggy....

    BRAIN: (Straining) Not...sure...if I can...hold out....

    BILLIE: (Grabbing the caffeine-ator) Maybe if I fire a shot of---

    BRAIN: (Straining) No, Billie....too tight....a space... try something...else....

    PINKY: Egad! Like, what?

    BILLIE: (Thinking) Um...uh.... (an idea suddenly occurs) I've *got it*!

    PINKY: Oooh, what is it? POIT!

  15. #15
    Captain Caps is offline Member
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    A new piece...

    (Cut to Caps)

    Caps: Oh, golly! I thought that would never end! What's worse...the story isn't done yet!

    (Pan to Brainatra, sifting through some jazz CDs)

    Brainatra: I might take a while to contribute, if I do at all!

    robert: Yeah, we ain't lying! This project was dormant for months. Whether we can even remember half the characters or a quarter of the plot is yet to be seen.

    Caps: Well, let's hope for the best! I'll write soon. Right now, I gotta use the bathroom!

    (Caps exeunts)

    Brainatra: Did we need to know that?

    ---Pick up here, me or whoever decides they want back in on this---

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