MST3K: Barney Takes Over
In the not-too-distant future-
Next Sunday A.D.-
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different from you or me.
He worked at Gizmonic Institute,
Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
He did a good job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses didn't like him
So they shot him into space.
We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst we can find (la-la-la).
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his mind (la-la-la).
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends.
Robot Roll Call: (All right, let's go!)
Cambot! (Pan left!)
Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)
Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)
Croooow! (He's a wisecracker.)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts (la la la),
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!"
Joel: Hi everyone! Welcome to the Satellite of Love! I'm Joel Robinson, and my robot pals, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot. (bots enter)
Crow: So, Joel... where's that turkey you promised us?
Joel: It's coming...
Tom: Hey, we better show some commercials. The Mads will be calling us any minute.
Joel: We'll be right back. (joel taps button and pops a grape in his mouth)
Joel: Welcome back
Tom: Is the turkey in the oven?
Joel: Gypsy's fixing it okay! (light flashes)
Crow: Oh, hey! Mitchell and Jeronimo are calling. (joel hits button)
Dr. F: Hey, time for the invention exchange.
Frank: You go first. We're not quite ready.
Joel: We'll my invent is called "Instant Turkey".
Crow: You're gonna get us a turkey now?!
Joel: Okay, this is a pill right? (takes out a pill)
Joel: Wrong. Add a drop of water (adds a drop of water, turkey appears on table) and presto! Insta-turkey!
Tom: Say... there just might be a market for that!
Dr. F: Yeah... whatever. Okay, our invention is called Insta-Chile...
Joel: Don't tell me! You add a drop of water and you have chilie?
Frank: How'd he know that? Say, Joel I'm missing a psychic magazine, did you see it anywhere?
Dr. F: Oh, Frank, don't encourage them! Anyway, your fanfic this week is called, "Barney takes Over". Bye.
Joel: FANFIC SIGN!!!
Tom: Darn, turkey! It'll hafta wait! (joel hits button, and pops a grape in his mouth. they rush out. cambot flies through corridor and into the theater. J&TB walk in and take their seats.)
>Barney Takes Over!!!
Crow: Barney the dinosaur takes over England... and he learns British!
>barney the dinosaur appears
Tom: Baking poisonous muffins..
>Barney: "Hi, Kids?! Are you happy?"
Joel: No, I'm mildly dissapointed. And, why does he assume we're kids?
>Barney: I know what'll cheer you up!
Tom: Agatha Christie!
Crow: Well, Tom, he's no Agatha Christie...
Tom: Shut up.
>barney bag appears
Joel: They should really call it the "Barfey Bag."
>Barney: What she'll we make?
>Barney: We could make paper hats!
Tom: paper hats... they're made of plastic, right?
>Barney: Or... we could make a toy telephone!
Joel: Today is Alaxander Grahm Bell's birthday!
>baby bob appears
Crow: The grown-up version of Cera!
>Baby Bob: Where's my blankey?
Tom: Up you're butt and around the corner!
>Barney: I don't know. Let's look for it.
Joel: Now to look for a blankey is to think like a blankey.
>Barney: Is it at the playground?
Crow: Ohhh... this is going to take a while...
>Barney: Where could your blankey be...
Tom: I said it's up her butt and around the corner! Don't these people ever listen?!
>Baby Bob: Well... I look for it...
Crow: Away from here, hopefully.
>baby bob prances off
>Barney: We'll back to you kids..
Tom: .... you may leave the theater.
Joel: No, It's not time yet.
Tom: Aw, darn!
>Barney: I'm going to give you a big hug!
Crow: I hope he washed his arms.
Tom: or his whole body for that matter!
>Barney: C'mon give me a hug!
Crow: Oh, come on! Whole wrote this fanfic?!
>barney hugs the camera
Joel: Oh... I'm feeling a little nausiated.
>Barney: Let's sing the "I Love You" Song!
Crow: No, howabout we sing, "Hellfire", instead?
>Barney: I love you, you love me...
Tom: In your dreams!
>Barney: We're a great big happy family..
Joel: "great big" is right.
>Barney: And a kiss from me to you...
Crow: Eww! What is he, gay?
>Barney: Won't you say you love me too?
J&TB (singing): Howabout we don't?
>Barney: Oh! Time to go!
Crow: Thank, God!
>Barney:I hope you had fun!
Tom: Oh, SURE we had fun!
>Barney: I sure did!
Crow: Does he ever not?
>Barney: Oh, wait! One more thing!
Joel: C'mon! We really need to catch a bus!
>Barney: Give me a kiss.
Crow: Oh, he is SO off the deep end!
Tom: Let's get outta here Joel! Please!
Crow: We'll be your servants for all eternity!
Joel: Oh, alright.
Bots: THANK YOU!!! (they leave the theater)
Crow: Sigh... Barney is DEFINETLY not for children.
Tom: Yeah... Say, where's that turkey Gypsy was cooking? (a turkey is seen running across the screen with gypsy chasing after it)
Gypsy: Here turkey, turkey, turkey...
Crow: Oh... Gypsy did it again...
Crow: She, uhh... chopped the head off the turkey!
Tom: Well, on to better scenes...
Frank: This chilie is delicious. (frank farts)
Dr. F. Oh! Now no more beans for you, Pumbaa! As for you fanfics of the clods... until next time... (shuts off camera).