STEWIE: With Griffino having recorded the schematics of the Histeria time machine, I used the equipment in this lab to reconstruct the machine, which we shall use to perform a time-tested villain tactic----
SHERYL: Lemme guess: the old "bring a character out of the past and into the present" bit?
STEWIE: Why, yes...how did you know?
SHERYL: (Thinking back to the "Harley Awards") Don't *ask*. So, like, who're ya bringin' here?
MIKEY: Hope it isn't that Dr. Burrows guy. (Shudders)
STEWIE: No, not him. But someone far less villainous....rather, the epitome of all that is wholesome and nauseously goody-goody about America. By any chance, are you all familiar with the legend of a certain caped wonder who currently has his own WB "teen drama"?
MIKEY: Aw, man, you don't mean....
STEWIE: Yes. The key to your aiding in Plotz's plans to decimate the holiday of Thanksgiving, promote his "Christmas Week" parade, and ultimately aid in my revenge on Brain and take over the world, shall be---- *SUPERBOY*! (Dum-dum-duuuuummmm)
SHERYL: But I thought, like, those comic book guys got rid of Superboy....and besides, they have that "Smallville" TV show-thingamajig on now where he doesn't even *wear* a costume.
STEWIE: Indeed.....all shall be revealed---in *time*. (Chuckles at his joke) Ha! I made a funny. Now follow me.....
(They all do so; cut to a room containing a replica of the H! time machine, and some sort of ray aimed at its entrance pad. We see Stewie is standing on top of a stool, monkeying with the controls to the time machine....)
STEWIE: My plan is simple: I shall bring the Teen of Steel out of the dark recesses of disposed comic-book character concepts, and into the world of 2001. Once here, I shall place him under mind control and brainwash him with the personality of a typical WB "teen drama" character, as well as to obey only *me*. With his personality perverted so horriibly, I shall then use him to destroy the plans of those asinine animated altruists, and use him as a template for my actual means of global conquest.
STEWIE: Yes...his various actions shall be recorded digitally on my equipment, and once he's performed enough of his usual super-powered actions, I'll have all the footage I need to create---(points to a blueprint lying on a table nearby) my own army of *RECYCLED STOCK FOOTAGE SUPERBOYS*! (Dum-dum-duuuummmm) After gathering the footage, I'll send the Pubescent of Steel back to the past, with no memory of what's happened to him here in 2001. Then, I shall use the stock footage technology to create based on the real Superboy's actions an army of stock footage clones, each of them capable of ensuring my established rule over all humanity, *and* all of them obeying only *me*! (Laughs) Ah, sometimes I *do* surprise even *myself* with my genius. (Sighs) but now---to *work*! Now, then....how many years ago in "comic book" time would those DC comic hack writers put the Teen of Steel's so-called "career"?
SHERYL: (Using a calculator) Um....uh....somewhere around 13 to 15 years ago, I think. Give or take...
STEWIE: Close enough. (As dramatic music plays, Stewie punches in time and locations coordinates into the time machine's controls: "Thanksgiving Day, 1988, Smallville Kansas", and presses a button to activate. The time machine begins shaking, and activates....)
(We see a beam eminate from the time machine, hurtling skyward, and through what looks like the time stream itself, as it passes various calendar pages with the years printed on them, finally breaking through a calendar page labelled "1988", and streaks towards a small two-story house in rural Smallville, Kansas...)
(Cut to the inside of the small house, as we see the Kent family is plopped down in front of the TV set; apparently, they've just eaten Thanksgiving dinner, and look quite stuffed.)
TV ANNOUNCER: Coming up next--- what happens when the boys are faced with stopping a massive load of illegal Halloween candy being shipped through P.S. 58? Stay tuned for---(thumping rock music) "MIAMI VICE KIDS"!!! (Shots of two 10-year-olds, one of them dressed like Don Johnson on "Miami Vice", is seen, along with shots of them in a hot "pursuit" of some kids on bicycles....).
CLARK: (Bored) I think this "kiddification" of adult characters thing is getting out of hand....
MA KENT: Well, it's surely better than "Star Truck: The Next Examination"...no show with that annoying teenage ensign could possibly ever succeed. Bet it gets cancelled by next fall---or they bring back, I don't know, Spock for a season-ending-cliffhanger or something.
PA KENT: (Glumly) I miss the "Dukes of Hazzard".
MA KENT: (Pats Pa on the shoulder) There there, Jonathan. Don't you remember that we taped the whole thing? (Points to a bookcase stuffed with Beta-formatted videotape copies of the show)
PA KENT: (Perks up) Oh, yes... (chuckles, as Ma and Clark smile back) What memories. Say, remember that episode when Boss----
(Pa's statement is cut off, as Clark is struck by the time-travelling energy beam, which manages to tear off his Clark clothes and reveals his super-costume underneath. The beam then teleports him away, to Ma and Pa's distress. We see Clark travel across the timestream, with the same calendar pages, until he finally lands in 2001. Back at the H! time machine-ripoff, we see Stewie eye the results gleefully, as we see materializing on the pad is Superboy himself....)
SUPERBOY: (Bewildered) Wha---where am I?! Last thing I recall is watching some stupid TV show, then...
STEWIE: Welcome, Superboy---I am the one who's brought you here. All the way to the amazingly futuristic year----*2001*! (dum-dum-duuumm.... Stewie shifts his pupils back and forth)
SUPERBOY: What th---?! *2001*?!? (Looks annoyed) OK, that's it....I'm gonna--- (however, before he does anything, Stewie activates the brainwashing/mind-control ray device, rendering Superboy into a stupor.)
STEWIE: You'll do nothing, young man, except for serving my every *whim*, as your very psyche is converted into that of your Tom Welling namesake on that wretched new program of yours! (Presses a few buttons, and uses the ray to begin beaming concentrated datastream doses of various WB "teen dramas" like "Dawson's Creek", "Seventh Heaven", and even "Smallville" into Superboy's noggin. Dramatic music plays....)
IGOR: He's...*capable* of taking this stress?
STEWIE: Apparently so, considering he's absorbing the contents of multiple seasons' worth of WB primetime programming---*including* a few episodes of "Unhappily Ever After" just for the heck of it! HA! Now *that's* what I call resilience. (We see flashing in Superboy's pupils the images of various WB-drama teens angsting over something or other...) Ah, yes. Soon, the process shall be complete. And the teen of steel shall become---the *Teen of Angst*! (Laughs sinisterly, as dramatic music continues to play....
(Cut away from the writer's making this story even more ludicrous than it already is, and to the rest of the heroes save for Brain and Billie (the Warners, Pinky, Jackie, Tohru, Fred, Barney, Axel, and Fonzie if you've forgotten), who're on their way to rescue Joan Jett from Stewie's clutches; the heroes are standing in front of a "Not-So-Lucky" supermarket, trying to encourage passersby to demand the store sell Thanksgiving goods. Jackie's talking to someone on his cell phone---namely, Uncle.)
UNCLE: (in a cheesy split-screen effect; calmly) Jackie....I have given you something of great use for this effort...the *turkey talisman*.
JACKIE: (Perplexed) The *turkey* talisman? (Fishes for it in a bag of his, and finds it)
UNCLE: This rare talisman's powers consist of the ability to create an appropriate Thanksgiving holiday ambiance from that which has misappropriated this holiday.
JACKIE: Hmm.... (aims it at a Christmas Santa decoration on the corner; a beam zaps from the talisman, turning the Santa into a turkey decoration. He aims it again at boxes of candy canes and cans of Christmas-colored frosting on display in the supermarket, which converts them all into boxes of macaroni shells and cans of cranberry sauce.) Thank you, Uncle. This *might* prove of some use...
UNCLE: (Calmly) One more thing....bad men may try to take this talisman. You must persevere.
JACKIE: I know, Uncle...
UNCLE: (Growing more shrill) Oh, and *one more thing*....how could you lock Jade inside a closet like that?! *Bad* influence!
UNCLE: (Now completely shrill) *ONE MORE THING*----why are you working with all those characters?! You're being *overshadowed* by a cast that dwarfs half of *CHINA*!!!
JACKIE: Erm....of course...goodbye, Uncle. (Hangs up) Well, guys, it looks as if we've got another ace in the hole....
WAKKO: Really? I thought we already *had* one of those.... (whips out a deck of cards, and wiggles his eyebrows; Dot slaps it out of his hand and knocks the deck off-screen, with an explosion heard, followed by someone saying "AAAAH! My car!")
JACKIE: I mean, that thanks to *this* (holds up the talisman) we might be able to stem the tide of all this Christmas hard-selling somewhat.
(The others all cheer)
VOICE: Wouldn't go around cheering just *yet*, pals....
(They all turn around, and find standing there none other than Britney Spears...)
DOT: Oooh, look---talentless people.
AXEL: Yeah, I know...I'm lookin' at three of 'em right now. (Staccato laugh, as the sibs frown at this zinging)
DOT: (Still annoyed) Ick...Britney Spears. Look, sister, why don't you go take your little sleazily-dressed, opportunistic self back to whatever high school you dropped out from, 'K?
BRITNEY: Sorry, "sister", but I've got orders from a very, ahem, personal source to take you Warners down.
DOT: Lemme guess...from a certain large-headed baby?
BRITNEY: Er, somethin' like that. And besides, I've got plenty of talent....I'm still goin' strong, moreso than *you* has-beens! And *I've* been on a recent "Simpsons" episode---so *there*!
DOT: (Makes a face) You and *Gary Coleman*. I've heard enough----(about to grab onto a rope appearing out of nowhere) looks like it's anvil time. Right, guys? (Silence) Guys?
(Pan over to see that her sibs are too busy leering/slobbering at the scantily-clad "singer"....)
DOT: (Waves her hand in front of their faces) Well, looks like they're gone. Of course, there's still *me*....
(Britney whistles loudly, and in walks her bodyguard, who begins flexing in front of Dot. Dot goes into hysterics, yelling "HELLOOOOO, NURSE!")
BRITNEY: (Into a walkie-talkie) OK, I've captured these losers. Now what?!
STEWIE: Just stand right there.
(The ground begins shaking, just as Fred and Tohru were about to move forward to grab onto the bodyguard/Sleazy One.)
FRED: What th--?! (Panicks) ASTEROID! Quick, Barn, get all the dinosaurs into the house before our gadgets and way of life are completely wiped out! (Sees the others' reactions) Er, sorry...always something of a fear of mine.
(We soon see what's causing the rumbling...namely, drilling straight up through the parking lot is none other than a giant digging machine resembling Stewie. Stepping on top of the machine's main cab is none other than---)
ALL: TEAM NINJA?!
MIKEY: (Wearing his usual clothes, save for a t-shirt with a large "N") That's right, um, (looks at his "Team Ninja" script again) "twerps", and I think it's time to prepare for trouble! (Cheap-sounding music starts to play)
SHERYL: (Wearing her exaggerated shoulder-pad clothes, now with a large "N" painted on the front) Make it double!
HOK FU: MAKE ME DOUBLE MOCCHA TRIPLE GRAND ESPRESSO LATTE! (his teammates stare at him)
SHERYL: Well, I think we've figured out *why* Hok's so high-strung. (Mikey and Griffino nod)
(Continuing) To protect our butts from devastation...
MIKEY: To get big bucks is our motivation....
(The villains continue the motto, as the rest of the heroes look extremely bored...)
DOT: You'd think we'd get villains who were inspired by something *other* than that Poke-show....
YAKKO: Nah....too much work for the "esteemed" writers.
(The villains finish the motto)
MIKEY: (Looks at his script) Oh, yeah. Erm... "I choose you----HOK FU!"
(Cut to a cheesy shot of Mikey looking like he's pointing towardsd Hok, as Hok streaks forward with that cheesy lines effect in the background)
MIKEY: Hok Fu---use, um..... (reads the script) doesn't say what sort of "attack" moves he has.
SHERYL: Oh, nevermind---Hok Fu, Griffino---take care of those guys!
(Hok Fu leaps towards the startled heroes on the ground; a series of cheap-o still shots of Hok slamming into Fred, Barney, Axel, Fonzie, and Jackie are seen. Meanwhile, an equally series of cheap shots of Griffino using an electrode to shock Tohru is seen)
PINKY: Um.... (looks around at his comrades looking pained on the ground) NARRRRF.
(Suddenly, a pair of mechanical hands extends from the machine, and grabs onto the Warners) HEY! Give them back!
MIKEY: (Laughs) I don't think so....got orders to bring these three back so that we can turn 'em into Plotz and get *paaaaiiid*! (High-fives Sheryl, as the machines imprison the still-going-beserk-at-Britney-and-bodyguard sibs are put inside toon-escape-proof stasis tubes) And now, we'll all bid you adieu---ta-ta! (the Team, Britney, and the bodyguard all get into the machine)
(The machine's wheels start up, and it takes off down the street, back towards Stewie's lair....Pinky eyes his unconscious comrades on the ground, and utters one feeble "troz". Dramatic music chord plays.)
(Commercials for K-Tel Records Christmas music records play.....)
(Cut to the hospital. With the Brain looking for vengeance back at the site, Billie (still in her "Mrs. Peel" clothes) and Pinky are keeping watch over the human characters. )
BILLIE: Every turn brings a new step to torment. The Warners are indisposed...our human friends are teetering on the edge of life...I'm so confused.
PINKY: Gee, they look so peaceful. I hope they recover.
(Wavy lines cover the screen, and we see Fred, Barney, Axel, Fonzie, Jackie and Tohru in an odd area. All are dressed in white, and surrounding them are scary and just plain odd images. Beheadings, starved children, the footage of kittens boxing that you see every so often on recent episodes of "Saturday Night Live", and the meat grinder and the grade-school teacher from "Pink Floyd: The Wall" are projected on black walls. In the background, words ring from all over. "Help the children"..."For crimes against humanity"..."How can you eat your pudding if you don't finish your meat"..."Death"..."I am the succubus"..."Come to Crazy Larry's! The prices are *INSANE!*")
FONZIE: Heeeyyy, where are we?
AXEL: I think the (bleep)ing question should be, "how'd we all end up in the same dream?"
FRED: I'm stumped. Barn?
BARNEY: Don't look at me. Jackie?
JACKIE: The closest I come to drugs are the cigars I smoke. I'm clueless myself. Tohru?
TOHRU: I'm scared.
(The marching hammers, another "Pink Floyd: The Wall" reference, rumble by to the tune of "Another Brick In The Wall, Part 2". Snakes fly through the air, exploding like bombs but not killing anything. A pair of shoes dances across the scene to a fragment of the showtune "Puttin' On The Ritz", while a giant Oreo cookie almost runs the group over. Freakaoid's head floats by, saying "I want to be paid in cash. Huggbees!". All of a sudden, flames shoot through the skies and land on the ground, materializing in the form of...)
AXEL: Holy (bleep), it's you!
LISA: (a.k.a. the "sort of a mystery woman" from earlier in the story. The background music becomes "Sympathy For The Devil" by the Rolling Stones) Yes, Axel. This is revenge for stiffing me in that never-completed fanfic story, "Spaced-Out Warners"...
AXEL: You want to blame somebody? Blame Captain Caps!
(Pointlessly, Caps the author comes floating by, and just as fast disappears from the picture)
LISA: You said you could get me back in contact with my father, God rest his soul...but nothing ever happenned.
AXEL: Alright, sorry. The story stopped dead...I didn't have anything to do with it, I swear!
FRED: Now, that's an understatement...
AXEL: (Bleep) you, stony! Look, Lisa, what's the point?
LISA: The point is...you're dead. (Lisa's hand sprouts Freddy Kruegger-like talons, which Axel swiftly defies with a sword he grabbed out of mid-air during Lisa's morph)
AXEL: Dodge, spin, parry, ha, thrust (Axel's nose turns up, much like Daffy's in "Robin Hood Daffy") Ouch!
LISA: Feel the hand of justice (Lisa scrapes skin off of Axel's arm, but it just as mysteriously grows back)
AXEL: Pop goes the weasel (Axel puts the sword under Lisa's feet, and with a mighty heave, she flies off into the stratosphere)
JACKIE: Good work, Axel!
AXEL: No (bleep)ing problem! (Axel gives the gang his O.K, a la "Beverly Hills Cop") Now, to get something to eat!
(All of a sudden, the dream world brightens up. We see midgets jumping around on pogo sticks, shriners in little cars, and for some reason, William Shatner)
SHATNER: Rocket...Man! I think its gonna be...a long, long time!
(Axel grabs a rope and drops an anvil on him. Candy then starts flying all around.)
AXEL: Hey, guys! Eat up!
(The gang starts stuffing their mouths with gum and chocolate. Wavy lines out back to Pinky)
PINKY: I hope they're alright!
(Meanwhile, we cut back to Brain....we see him using his cell phone)
BRAIN: How soon can you be over here?
V.O: "Judge Judy" is ending in 3 minutes. Once I get the verdict, I'll be over. Those putzes are going to get blown up real good!
(Commercials promoting every piece of Harry Potter merchandise under the son conceivable, save for the actual *book*, play; then, cut to the villains' lair; we see Stewie's on the verge of completing the WB-drama-brainwashing of Superboy. Igor and Akom, along with Team Ninja and Britney Spears, watch with glee....we also see, holed up in the same room that Joan Jett is in, are the Warners, locked away in toon-escape-proof stasis chambers.)
DOT: Hmph....look where our hormones landed us *now*....
(Cut back to Stewie & co....)
MIKEY: (Hangs up a cell phone) The big P says that as soon as we're done here, we can deliver these losers to him for those "Christmas Week" promotional commercials he wants to use 'em for...
STEWIE: Excellent! (Eyes a computer progress bar showing the amount of brainwashing needed in a program labeled "I Don't Brainwash Windows, version 2.0a, for Windows 98 and up". The bar fills completely, and the computer makes a beeping noise. Stewie deactivates the brainwashing device, and implants something in Supes' ear...)
STEWIE: Now that I've added this homing device, I shall be able to control and see your every movement from my lair! Arise, my slave, *arise*!
SUPERBOY: (Clutching his head) I feel so...so.....*angst-ridden*.... (has a sulking look on his face like, well, your average WB teen-drama star)
STEWIE: (Starting the teen-angst progress) You know, I'm sure most teenagers your age would love to take Lana Lang to the *prom*---(fake gasp) Oh, that's right....she'll probably want to go with someone else. Besides, she probably isn't your "true love", anyway.
SUPERBOY: (Angst-ridden) NOOOOOO! (Smashes some random equipment on a desk) I can't believe that! Lana...we were meant to *be* together! But *why*...*WHY*?!?
STEWIE: Well, maybe you could just go hang out with your friends....
SUPERBOY: Pete?! I don't *think* so...he never returned that ruler I loaned him!
STEWIE: And how long ago was that?
SUPERBOY: Um, yesterday. (Gets more irate upon thinking about it) And *WHY* couldn't I have the last slice of pepperoni pizza?! Ma and Pa had *plenty* of pizza already!!! (Angst continues) And *WHY* did those stupid scalpers have to buy all the tickets to that Janet Jackson concert?!? *WHY*?! (Screams)
STEWIE: (Grinning evil-like) *Excellent*. The brainwashing's even more thorough than I thought....he's now completely in the mode of his "Smallville" and "Dawson's Creek" TV show counterparts! (To Superboy) Very well, Superboy....it's time to begin! For your first task, I'd like for you to drop off those puppy-brats to Mr. Plotz....then, you'll await further orders...
SUPERBOY: Yes, sir. (Grits his teeth in more angst, as he storms off into the room the Warners are in...they gasp upon seeing who it is)
YAKKO: It's....*Superboy*?! Must be for that new WB "teen drama" of his....
SUPERBOY: (To Dot) Stop it! I didn't do anything... (looks sulking/sad)
DOT: Um, he didn't do anything....
SUPERBOY: Just leave me alone! None of you could possibly understand my situation!
WAKKO: And *that* is---?
SUPERBOY: I'm *invulnerable*! (They all stare at him)
JOAN JETT: And this is bad, *because*....?
SUPERBOY: *Because*....well, it makes me look like a *freak*, that's what! I don't fit in with the other kids!
DOT: Ever think that maybe this might be a *good* thing? I mean, at least you'll never have to worry about paper cuts...or getting beaten up by the school bully....
SUPERBOY: (Sulks) Yeah---but Ma and Pa won't let me play *football*! AAAAH! I wanna play!!!
YAKKO: Well, Kal, maybe they don't want you to play because....
SUPERBOY: WHY?! GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON!!!
DOT: Well, pumpkin, if you're capable of knocking someone's head clean to the moon, I don't think that a heavy contact sport like, oh, I dunno, football, might be a good idea. 'K, hon?
SUPERBOY: SHUT UP! You're no different than all the others! I thought you could be my *friends*....
WAKKO: Your *special friends*? (Wiggles his eyebrows)
SUPERBOY: No way, man....you're just trying to get loose. Don't think you can fool me----I saw that "Roger Rabbit" movie! (Gasps upon realizing something) And the *popcorn* was too *BUTTERY*!
YAKKO: Aaaaah, actually----
SUPERBOY: SHUT UP! I'm sick of talking to you! Let's just go....
(Before the sibs can say anything, Superboy hoist the three in their stasis chambers over their heads, and is about to fly them off, when Stewie's voice burst forth)
STEWIE: Hold it right there, Superboy....just got off the horn with Plotz. Apparently, he doesn't want us to return them to the studio right away.
WARNERS: He doesn't?
STEWIE: No, he has much better plans for you. You know that Christmas Week parade is being held this afternoon, and he'd like for you three to make your debut promotional appearance *there* to help promote the event, before you start your lucrative new promotional filming careers....I'm sure you're familiar with that reggae Poke-promos you produced? Well, your float in the parade shall consist of doing your singing-and-dancing-in-place routine from that promo. (Snidely) Don't forget your crudely-animated dreadlock wigs! (Laughs)
STEWIE: We'll all be heading to the parade as special guests of Plotz....but first, I have a little *rodent problem* to resolve... (sinisterly laughs) Come, Superboy...I've got a few tasks for you to perform...
(Cut to the hospital once more; we see Billie (still dressed in her "Avengers" Mrs. Peel-esque clothes) and Pinky standing near the room housing Jackie, Tohru, Fred, Barney, Axel, and Fonzie...)
BILLIE: Y'know, I wonder if this would be a bad time to start thinking about the merits of universal health care....seein' what the insurance bills for these guys is gonna be like after this mission's done...
(Suddenly, Brain walks in the room...he's still dressed in his "Avengers" Jon Steed clothes.)
BRAIN: (Tipping his derby hat) Greetings.
BILLIE: Eggy, you're back! (Nods to the guys) No change in their states, I'm afraid.
BRAIN: Indeed. As for discovering where that wretched Stewie's holed up *this* time, I haven't had much luck, though I did bring in assistance....
BILLIE: You said no more characters...
BRAIN: I know, but she *is* an expert on explosives far surpassing these exploding carnations you made (Fingers his carnation on his blazer). And thus, I presumed she might aid us in defeating whatever vile plot Stewie has up his sleeve. I have a feeling that this time, it'll be on an even worse scale than the last one....
(We see walking into the room is....Slappy Squirrel.)
SLAPPY: No need to applaud....(sees no one responds) *Ahem*. OK, I've got the VCR tapin' "Secrets of Brady Bunch Stars Revealed" marathon....so, what's up this time? Another one of these flippin' "gazillion characters chasin' some shadow-hidden whatchamacallem" thingamajig?
PINKY: Um, that, and some of those gazillion characters lying in a coma, POIT! (Points to the unconscious guys)
SLAPPY: Ahhh, they're just sleepin'.... (goes through her purse) Lesse what I got here....pens, lipstick, ticket stubs to "Walnuts on Ice"....ah, here we go: (pulls out an enormous air horn, aims it at the beds, and presses the button. An ear-splitting, window-shattering screech eminates, jolting the pained heroes back into consciousness...)
JACKIE: (Eyes wide open) What---where----how---?!?
AXEL: (BLEEP)! We were havin' the most wonderful dream!
SLAPPY: "We"? Look, pal, I don't ask about your dreams, and you throw some clothes on so we can figure out what to do next....
(Cut to some time later, as we see the large entourage in the hospital cafeteria, gathered at a table near a TV set....we see Brain is making plans of some sort.)
BRAIN: All right, this is the way I see it...the Warners...
PINKY: And Joan Jett, NARF!
BRAIN: *Yes*, Pinky, her too....are being held by Stewie, no doubt to be turned over to Plotz soon, if they haven't been already. In addition, Stewie and "Team Ninja" no doubt are going to plan *something* to lure Billie, Pinky and I into some sort of trap, and to ensure that Thanksgiving doesn't go off as planned....but *what*?
(Suddenly, the TV picture changes to an image of Stewie, with "Team Ninja", Igor, and Akom standing with him.)
BRAIN: (Seeing this) What th---?!
STEWIE: Greetings, Brain. My, these battles do get old, don't they? I hit you, you blow me up, I kidnap your friends, you undermine my best efforts....but *this* time, that won't be. Oh, no no *no*. This time, I, along with my associates, including Plotz, will be victorious....
BILLIE: (Rolling her eyes) Here comes the long-winded explanation of his "brilliant scheme".
BRAIN: (Raising an eyebrow) You say that as if you were used to such things.
BILLIE: (Pauses) Um.....let's just watch the TV, Eggy, OK?
STEWIE: First of all, I shall be turning your friends over to Plotz at the "Christmas Week" parade being held this afternoon, a parade which my friend Britney Spears (off-screen, we hear Britney yell "hi") will be headlining, seeing as Ms. Joan Jett is indisposed and all... (pan to see her tied up, along with the Warners). Meanwhile, I shall also undermine your Thanksgiving-saving plans thanks to the efforts of "Tean Ninja" (sounds of the Team yelling "we rule!") and my *newest* ally....
(Superboy walks into the shot...the heroes gasp)
PINKY: Egad...Superboy---*HERE*?! And he's...gulp...evil?
SUPERBOY: (Angst-ridden) AAARGH! How do I ask Lana to the *prom*?!
STEWIE: As you can clearly see, I pulled our angster-of-steel out of the past and into 2001 via my duplication of that Histeria time machine, and that he's been implanted with the personality of a typical WB teen-drama star....and is under my control! Superboy, would you please execute the plan we discussed? (To the camera) Watch closely, everybody!
(Through the homing device in Superboy's ear, we see the teen of steel zip out of Stewie's lair, and fly at super-speed to a regional food storage facility for various supermarkets within the southern California area. Breaking inside, the teen of steel then utilizes his super-cold breath and freezes within a large, solid block of ice every turkey within the facility. He then flies at super-speed to various other facilities within the region, and either freezes the inventory even further or roasts them to a burnt crisp with his heat vision. The heroes all gasp at this sight.)
STEWIE: You see, Brain? Even despite your encoruagements of the public, I've just taken out every ounce of Thanksgiving-related foodstuff in the Los Angeles area! There'll be no turkey, no cranberry sauce, no *nothing* this year for the local citizenry....even if they could defrost it all in time---and while there's no time to do the same for every city in the country, I *will* take care of the other goal in your little plan! (Into a microphone) Superboy? Execute plan "B"....