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  1. #1
    J. B. Warner's Avatar
    J. B. Warner is offline Increasing my wordiness
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    The Disney Adventures Archive, Part 3: Revenge of the Spacklers

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    Well, it's been a long time coming, but now that I'm all settled into my new computer, I'm ready to get this thread going again! So let's kick off the archive once more with the long-awaited 10th anniversary issue, November 2000!

    Spoiler:



    And believe me, everybody who's anybody is here for this party! Or more accurately, everybody who was anybody at some point in time. Kind of funny to see Macaulay Culkin and the Ninja Turtles reappear on the cover long after they'd stopped being relevant. (Heh, Macaulay Culkin and the Ninja Turtles would make an awesome band name.)

    Spoiler:



    What, did they drop them from a plane? Where's PETA when you need 'em?
    At this time of the year, you'd think Disney would be promoting the hell out of their next animated movie, The Emperor's New Groove. You'd be wrong, of course - as Mars has mentioned before, Disney was mortified at the goofy adventures of Kuzco and company, and pushed 102 Dalmatians as the must-see movie the 2000 holiday season. There's no justice at the Mouse House.

    Spoiler:



    "...Well, an A for effort, anyway."

    Spoiler:



    I watched a li'l bit of "Digimon" in my day, but the complete cast change in Season 2 really threw me. Judging by the horror stories I've heard about the way Season 2 ended, it's a good thing I didn't get attached to these characters.

    Spoiler:



    And here's where the party starts!...And to be honest, it's kind of pedestrian. The editors went the clip show route, reprinting notable excerpts and interesting tidbits from ten years' worth of articles. The real highlight is the timeline along the bottom of the pages that chronicles everything that was hip. Being the geek I am, I can't help but notice that they goofed up right off the bat; the Nicktoons premiered in August 1991, not 1990. Boy, I sure hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

    Spoiler:



    That kitten who climbed the Matterhorn - how come he doesn't have a movie based on his exploits yet? Get the guys who did Homeward Bound on the horn, maybe they can catch lightning in a bottle again.
    Pogs came out in 1991? I only remember them from 1995, after which I never saw them again.

    Spoiler:



    I live in Massachusetts and I've never heard anybody talk about the Dover Demon. Neighboring Rhode Island used to have a monster, though. His name was John Alpert, he owned a furniture store, and he had the LOUDEST VOICE I'VE EVER HEARD. "ALPERT'S, ROUTE 6 IN SEEKONK!"

    Spoiler:



    Yeah, as if I wasn't creeped out enough by bees before, now I learn that they've got hairy eyes. They've got fur but they aren't mammals, they fly despite physics saying it's impossible - and they keep getting trapped in my damn bedroom window! These freaks of nature need to be stopped!

    Spoiler:



    I wonder if the Olsen twins, longtime DA readers that they are, remember being slammed for their live tour in the January 1994 issue. That was hilarious.

    Spoiler:



    I've also heard that wearing sunglasses while cutting onions will prevent the tears. And you look cool, too.
    The timeline is starting to reach now. Seriously, Gordy? Nobody remembered that movie even when it was in theaters.
    Also, Billy Madison? Not a kids' movie.

    Spoiler:



    Motorboating, huh?...You know what, I'm not even gonna go there. Moving on.
    I still can't believe it took M&M's that long to induct blue into their rainbow. Now it just seems common, but back then, I remember it was a huge deal. Carlton on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" was particularly wrought-out about it. "Has the world gone mad?"

    Spoiler:



    "Want a piece of milk?"
    I wonder who translated for Satoshi and Pikachu's birthday greeting there. If it was someone from 4Kids, they probably got it wrong.
    Also, Happy Gilmore? NOT A KIDS' MOVIE.

    Spoiler:



    I never thought I'd say this, but Michael Eisner is right. Disney Adventures really did do young readers a great service by bringing them such awesome adventures for ten years. It makes their last seven years look that much more pathetic by comparison.
    Also, Austin Powers? NOT A KIDS'...ah, you get the idea. Oh, and insert Tiger Woods joke here.

    Spoiler:



    Nobody's Angel apparently loved their comic so much, they needed to underline it three times. Nice to know somebody liked the Music 2000 issue. (Which is coming up in this thread, by the way.)

    Spoiler:



    So I guess if I got sick from eating too much chocolate, that technically counts as Montezuma's Revenge.
    ...Tough to segue into something nice about the late Roy Disney after that tasteless joke. Well, the guy was awesome anyway.

    Spoiler:



    "A peanut is neither a pea nor a nut!...Oh, wait, it is a nut." Booyah! In your face, Franklin Sherman!
    Also, I guess now we know where John Madden got the idea for the turducken.

    Spoiler:



    Party's over, folks! You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!
    On to the video game section, where a handy-dandy Cosmo-style quiz tells you what kind of gamer you are. And once again, the tip they provide for the Pokémon game is totally worthless. Everyone knows hitting B stops your Pokémon's evolution - why not tell us something about the breeding center or shinies or something important? Jeez...
    Oh, and who's Eggbert? I guess they meant Egghead.

    Spoiler:



    In spite of my rabid Pokémon fanaticism when I was a stupid little kid, I never went this far. But I came pretty close.

    Spoiler:



    Ironically, "3-D Artist Wanted: No Experience Necessary" is actually what the first want ad for DreamWorks said.
    Thank you, I'll be here all week.

    Spoiler:



    "And that creepy little girl who wrote a fanzine about vampires grew up to be...Stephenie Meyer. And now you know the rest of the story! I'm Paul Harvey."

    Spoiler:



    Ugh. "Gottus Catchemus Allus"? Hey, Nintendo of America, kissus my assus.

    Spoiler:



    I think Large Marge did it much better, don't you?

    Spoiler:



    This issue is also noteworthy for featuring the debut appearance of Little Gloomy. Sorry if I'm reopening any old wounds here, Mr. Walker.
    The one thing about Gloomy that I think threw me was that stuff just kind of happened, and the characters were always just like "Whatever." It was a very sarcastic series overall.

    Spoiler:



    But if anything can outdo my indifference toward "Little Gloomy", it's my hatred of "Jet Pack Pets". This month, Dr. Scratchansniff here invents a three-story Halloween costume that runs on "the power of Halloween" (what?) and comes to life and terrorizes a Halloween party, and gah, I'm so very tired.

    Spoiler:



    And we close out with yet another futile attempt to make model rocketry look badass. I imagine this is what Mark McGwire looked like when he was 12.
    Last edited by Peter Paltridge; 02-01-2010 at 02:01 AM.
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  2. #2
    Peter Paltridge's Avatar
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    Okay, Jesse.....new policy.

    You have a LOT of images here -- this topic has one post so far and with all the images displayed, it already stretched farther than any page on the YouTube topics.

    To make these easier to navigate....could you please, in the future, put each image inside a spoiler tag? I've done it for you this time, but next time it's your job.

    On to the issue itself....
    It's nice and fat, a full 128 pages, just like Mama Tommi Lewis used to make. So it had that going for it. 88 wimpy pages just wouldn't do for a celebration like this.

    3D modeling software.....from Disney....in 2000? I'm really curious -- seriously. How powerful was that? Could you make any scene from Tron or would that slow your Packard Bell down too much? And how was it simplified so that children could make models and have fun doing it? It's a tedious task.

    Love how Mark McGuire advises to "be a team player."

    They mention Gordy instead of Babe. Oh, Disney Adventures.... *shakes head*

    If you preordered Pokemon Gold or Silver, you received a promotional CD. I still have mine, at the bottom of a stack of CDs in the drawer next to me. It had the "Gottus Catchemus Allus" promo, some movie clips of Pokemon 2000, a couple wallpapers.....it was nothing special at all, but I reserved most of the games I wanted at that time anyway.
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  3. #3
    Kitschensyngk's Avatar
    Kitschensyngk is online now back in the running
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    Quote Originally Posted by J. B. Warner View Post
    Spoiler:


    Euugh. Lame-ius maximus.

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  4. #4
    John Pannozzi's Avatar
    John Pannozzi is offline 30 Years of Turtle Power
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    Quote Originally Posted by J. B. Warner View Post

    And believe me, everybody who's anybody is here for this party! Or more accurately, everybody who was anybody at some point in time. Kind of funny to see Macaulay Culkin and the Ninja Turtles reappear on the cover long after they'd stopped being relevant. (Heh, Macaulay Culkin and the Ninja Turtles would make an awesome band name.)
    But the Ninja Turtles sure have become more relevant since that issue came out, with the new comics, tv show and movie, no?

    Quote Originally Posted by J. B. Warner View Post

    I watched a li'l bit of "Digimon" in my day, but the complete cast change in Season 2 really threw me. Judging by the horror stories I've heard about the way Season 2 ended, it's a good thing I didn't get attached to these characters.
    Interesting to note that the second season of Digimon is now availble in its original Japanese language with English subtitles on the Playstation Store (and possibly other places)

    Quote Originally Posted by J. B. Warner View Post

    And here's where the party starts!...And to be honest, it's kind of pedestrian. The editors went the clip show route, reprinting notable excerpts and interesting tidbits from ten years' worth of articles. The real highlight is the timeline along the bottom of the pages that chronicles everything that was hip. Being the geek I am, I can't help but notice that they goofed up right off the bat; the Nicktoons premiered in August 1991, not 1990. Boy, I sure hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
    Kinda bites that Animaniacs, Gargoyles and Darkwing Duck aren't included in the timeline, as they surely had a bigger and more positive impact on pop-culture than some of the stuff that WAS included.

    Quote Originally Posted by J. B. Warner View Post

    Yeah, as if I wasn't creeped out enough by bees before, now I learn that they've got hairy eyes. They've got fur but they aren't mammals, they fly despite physics saying it's impossible - and they keep getting trapped in my damn bedroom window! These freaks of nature need to be stopped!
    Ya know, I kinda think Bumblebees are rather cute. Honeybees, on the other hand...
    Funny, I used to be deadly afraid of the scene in "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" with the bees, but I watched the film again in its entirely for the first time in ages a few weeks ago, and wasn't scared in the least.


    Quote Originally Posted by J. B. Warner View Post


    The timeline is starting to reach now. Seriously, Gordy? Nobody remembered that movie even when it was in theaters.
    Gordy was released by Disney-owned Miramax (which, BTW, was recently consolidated into Walt Disney Studios/Touchstone), which explains why they promoted it.

    More later....

  5. #5
    J. B. Warner's Avatar
    J. B. Warner is offline Increasing my wordiness
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    Scooting right along, here's an issue that should appeal to animation enthusiasts young and old alike - presenting March 1998!

    Spoiler:

    Gosh, three out of the six Coolest Cartoon Kids come from Disney's own One Saturday Morning block. What are the odds of that, huh?

    Spoiler:

    The first time I saw The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie, I didn't even realize it was supposed to be a movie. Nothing against Chuck Jones, but man, he didn't even try to give it a narrative, did he?
    Also, there's something weird about seeing the Road Runner with a Walkman.

    Spoiler:

    I'm guessing Nintendo realized they were running out of ways to put new spins on the Mario story, so they decided to give Yoshi his turn in the spotlight. Since then, we've also had games centered on Luigi, Peach, even Bowser. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Lakitu gets his own game.

    Spoiler:

    Presenting the least flattering photo of Cindy Crawford ever taken.
    That Carmen Sandiego movie with Sandra Bullock apparently never went anywhere. Perhaps for good reason, as it had the potential to be either awesome or terrible. I can only hope they were planning to bring back Rockapella to do the music; you can't have Carmen Sandiego without them.

    Spoiler:

    "The Spice Girls are one of the biggest success stories in music today! And sure, all these other bands went down the tubes, but I'm sure these girls will last forever!...What?...What do you mean, Geri Halliwell just quit?"

    Spoiler:

    For some reason, whenever Bobby Hill speaks in DA, everything he says is gold. Doug, on the other hand, I can take or leave. (You know, the weird thing about the Disney version of "Doug" is that the character's personality remained pretty much the same as the Nickelodeon version, yet the episodes were still so much lamer. I think the lack of Billy West behind the mic really hurt.)

    Spoiler:

    From what I recall, Bart didn't particularly care for the Tooth Chipper when he rode it in 5F08 "Bart Carny", original airdate January 11, 1998. (I am such a nerd.)

    Spoiler:

    And now for your history lesson! This assemblage of the best cartoon characters ever, as voted on by a team of professional cartoonists (including Bill Hanna, Joe Barbera, Paul Dini, Glen Keane, and Henry Selick) also highlights such classic characters as Fred Flintstone, Mickey Mouse, Popeye, and Rocky and Bullwinkle. The sad part? Ask any kid in 2010 who any of these characters are, and you'll more than likely get a blank stare.

    Spoiler:

    As a moderately popular DeviantArt cartoonist, I get a lot of people e-mailing me with questions about how they can draw the way I do. And I always tell them the first two things mentioned here, which ironically are the two steps that everybody always hopes to avoid. What do they want to do, trace my drawings?

    Spoiler:

    Liz Smith takes you behind the scenes of her job this month, as she answers reader questions about what being an entertainment reporter really means. Funny, I never expected Klingons to be the types to use utensils.

    Spoiler:

    "Okay, guys, we've got to do an article on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', but we've only got one promotional image. What do we do?"

    Spoiler:

    Yet another in the long line of '90s ads where all adults were depicted as boring and uncool. This might be part of why nobody trusts anybody anymore.

    Spoiler:

    Boy, dogsled racing is fun! ...I mean, there is the chance that you'll flip your sled, get lost, and freeze to death, but still, PUPPIES!

    Spoiler:

    Okay, it's 12 years later, where are those shoes that keep track of your speed and distance? (If they do exist, I wouldn't know, as my footwear is decidedly low-tech - last thing I bought was a pair of Chuck Taylors.)

    Spoiler:

    GAH. I don't think I'll ever be able to eat a taco again.
    "Tacos here."
    I'll take eight.

    Spoiler:

    This month's very nicely drawn "Pepper Ann" comic sees Pepper secretly getting hooked on her brother Moose's comic books, and trying to muster up the courage to go into a comic shop in order to buy the next issue. In the present day and age, where there are just as many girl geeks as there are boy geeks, this story would probably feel pretty awkward.

    Spoiler:

    The Red Dragon::Bone as Samuel L. Jackson::Pulp Fiction.

    Spoiler:

    "Check out this new Game Boy Pocket! It's blue!"
    "That's nice, but I already have a Game Boy Pocket."
    "But it's blue!"
    "Yeah, but this one works perfectly fi--"
    "BLUE!!!"
    I'm the man with two DeviantArts.

  6. #6
    Peter Paltridge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by J. B. Warner View Post

    Spoiler:

    This month's very nicely drawn "Pepper Ann" comic sees Pepper secretly getting hooked on her brother Moose's comic books, and trying to muster up the courage to go into a comic shop in order to buy the next issue. In the present day and age, where there are just as many girl geeks as there are boy geeks, this story would probably feel pretty awkward.
    Huh? As far as I know nothing has changed.

    That was a well-written comic, though, even though I never watched Pepper Ann. Her point of view is believable, though kind of inaccurate. Any girl that enters a comic shop will be embraced with open arms, whether they asked for it or not. Unless they're fat.
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  7. #7
    Kitschensyngk's Avatar
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    I consider the 1997-98 television season to be the year that Saturday morning truly died.

    It was around that time that the FCC started mandating educational content for kids on the broadcast networks, and it was the year after Disney revived Doug (the only surviving series on ABC from the year before). This led to the creation of their "One Saturday Morning" block, which despite its promise of "five hours of summer once a week" presented three cartoons about KIDS GOING TO SCHOOL and draped them with even more educational content. Next thing you know EVERY CARTOON that was coming out had to be about kids in school or have something educational/instructional in it.

    Nowadays you can't go on broadcast television at that time of the week without seeing the little "E/I" in the corner.

    EDIT: I could see Sandra Bullock as Carmen Sandiego back then. Of course the movie could have still sucked royally.
    Last edited by Kitschensyngk; 02-02-2010 at 03:26 PM.

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  8. #8
    mobo85 is offline This space for rent
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    As it is an acronym (for pineapple-orange-guava, the type of drink cap the originals were made from), POG should be capitalized- much like ALF (Alien Life Form), who briefly made a comeback in POG form.

    Despite all the ridicule he gets for it, I think Batman put it best: "Bees. My god."

    North was a highlight of 1994? Roger Ebert's infamous review of it, maybe. But not the film itself.

    Kind of bittersweet to see the 50th anniversary of Peanuts in the timeline, especially since they (and no one else at the time, of course) didn't know at the time that Sparky himself wouldn't live to see it, going out along with his strip and leaving a wonderful legacy.

    You know who else you can't have Carmen Sandiego without? Lynne Thigpen. May she rest in peace.

    There are actually sneakers that keep track of your speed and distance- Nike actually has shoes that connect to your iPod to give you that information.
    "If you take away our cartoons, we'll grow up without a sense of humor and be robots."
    "Really? What kind of robots?"
    -Lisa and Bart Simpson, Itchy and Scratchy and Marge

  9. #9
    Lonestarr is offline Stop eating my sesame cake!
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    Quote Originally Posted by J. B. Warner View Post
    This month's very nicely drawn "Pepper Ann" comic sees Pepper secretly getting hooked on her brother Moose's comic books, and trying to muster up the courage to go into a comic shop in order to buy the next issue.
    Given Pamela Adlon's voice for the character, I understand the mistake, but trust me: Moose was a girl.
    I feel that a big problem with today's society is that we don't listen to our fellow man -- especially when I'm talking.
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    "What do I care what some yahoo like Lonestarr posts on the internet?" - President Skroob (voice of Mel Brooks) on "Spaceballs: the Series"
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  10. #10
    cartoonscartoons's Avatar
    cartoonscartoons is offline I cant help it, if I'm lucky
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    Quote Originally Posted by Martianinvader View Post
    Okay, Jesse.....new policy.

    You have a LOT of images here -- this topic has one post so far and with all the images displayed, it already stretched farther than any page on the YouTube topics.

    To make these easier to navigate....could you please, in the future, put each image inside a spoiler tag? I've done it for you this time, but next time it's your job.

    The spoiler tags make it too difficult to read though.

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