Sex and the single superhero: When do you tell?

[EinBebop]

The Smallville thread got me thinking. If I'm a superhero crimefighter with a secret identity, when in the relationship should I tell my girlfriend?

[Edit] Ack! That question should've read, "spill the beans!"

[TimTwoFace]

Well, being a superhero myself, I think that telling her too early in the relationship is a BAD idea. WHen you have a secret of my magnitude, you have to make sure that you can both trust her AND ensure that she won't be scared by the revelation. That said, wait long into the relationship before you tell - after they've formed an intense emotional connection to you, they'll be forced (sigh) to accept it and likely understand why you had to hide it for so long.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go off to fight some aliens.

-Tim

[The Guitar Slayer]

Definitely not early. That's just asking someone to expose your secret identity...or really scare a person off if your identity is known to the public.

Never is not a possibility, really. He/she is bound to find an article of spandex/kevlar in the laundry bin sooner or later.

After a marriage, I think, is a little unfair. There was the fine print you didn't tell the spouse about...Probably right before marrying him/her would be best, in my opinion.

[Barb Gordon]

Early would end the relationship in a heartbeat, and probably get your secret identity revealed very fast! I would think it would have to be at the point where the two of you could no longer hold back secrets. You're both completely in love with each other, have had fights and gotten past it all to where all that lies between you is, well, lies! Spilling the beans after marriage is just plain mean and is again likely to send a rift between you and your love, ending up divorced and a victim of blackmail somewhere down the road.

~Barb

[Marc]

If I was a superhero/crimefighter, then I would do everything in my power to avoid romantic relationships with anyone. If I truly cared about someone then the last thing I'd want would be to place that person in danger. One more person you care about is one more person your archenemies can target. Of course, when you love someone you can't just turn that feeling off, but the danger is just too great.

We've seen comic book characters' friends and family get hurt or die again and again because the heroes shared their secret or got to close. And I've never seen a comic book romantic relationship that worked well for both parties, with the exception of Reed and Sue Richards.

This is only my view on superheroes mind you, not real life.

[Glenn Leider]

Originally posted by Barb Gordon
Early would end the relationship in a heartbeat, and probably get your secret identity revealed very fast! I would think it would have to be at the point where the two of you could no longer hold back secrets. You're both completely in love with each other, have had fights and gotten past it all to where all that lies between you is, well, lies! Spilling the beans after marriage is just plain mean and is again likely to send a rift between you and your love, ending up divorced and a victim of blackmail somewhere down the road.

I like your reasoning as much as I do your avatar - a great combination of brains and beauty.

The question now is: when should Clark spill the beans to Lana? I'm glad they're friends again, but that won't last long if he keeps evading the question.

[DaNang1970]

The less people that know about it, the better. I mean no matter what you do, you'll probably get screwed (not meaning the sex thing). A life full of one-night stands and backalley rendezvous would be optimal for a superhero because that leaves less room for the need of telling. In my opinion, a meaningful long-term relationship could probably only be obtained with another superhero (alot like moviestars). I mean, how many times has Bruce Wayne gotten the shaft from his "lady friend.

[czyznyck99]

I picked the "married" option, but for the record, I would never be a superhero that dated the "average citizen." There's a conflict of interest. My job is to protect them, not date. The relationship should be strictly professional . Now, if I thought a superheroine was pretty....

Later.

[The Penguin]

I voted later. If your non-super girlfriend has grown to care about you she'll be able to see past you keeping this secret from her. Not at first, but with time, she will understand.

(Man, that sounded like I was giving actual advice.)

[TimTwoFace]

Originally posted by Barb Gordon
You're both completely in love with each other, have had fights and gotten past it all to where all that lies between you is, well, lies! Spilling the beans after marriage is just plain mean and is again likely to send a rift between you and your love, ending up divorced and a victim of blackmail somewhere down the road.

...I...I love you, Barbara Gordon.

PS, I'm Batman. Whadaya think?



*RUNS AWAY*

-Tim

[Mynd Hed]

Like most folks, I voted "right before you pop the question," however I think that should be the latest possible time to do it.

Some situations would logically call for an earlier revelation, such as if your particular super power would affect sex in some way.

[murmur]

An "other" option would have been useful... I don't think it should be based on the actual elapsed time or stage of the relationship. As with any friend, the key to a secret of this magnitude is trust of the person's moral character. Someone like Catwoman would be a risky choice to tell at any stage, even if the love was deep and true.

[Webryder]

"Louis??"

Hmmm....somethin' you wanna tell us there Mynd Hed?
(j/j)

[czyznyck99]

Oh, man. That was funny . Not to mention somewhat embarrassing. This is why Lois and Clark never actually bothered to conceive a child...as far as I know.

Later.

[Patrick Bateman]

I think Mynd Hed has been watching MALLRATS.

Anyway, you should probably edit that post before a mod sees it. It might be deemed offensive.

[TimTwoFace]

Fear not, I deleted the foul "reproductive Superman" segment of the post. Now let's never think of it again.

-Tim

[Mynd Hed]

While you're at it, you might want to delete the part of Webryder's post which quotes my post, or else that was a pretty pointless edit there. (-:

Yes indeed, that little segment came from Mallrats, never let it be said that I claimed it as my own. Any of you who have seen the movie, let it just be said that my previous post paraphrased Banky's little rant about how Lois Lane could never bear Superman's Kryptonian child. Any of you who haven't seen the movie, go watch it, it's funny.

[Patrick Bateman]

Any of you who have seen the movie, let it just be said that my previous post paraphrased Banky's little rant about how Lois Lane could never bear Superman's Kryptonian child.

That was Brodie, not Banky. Jason Lee played Banky in CHASING AMY.

But anyway, I always have gotten a kick out of that. But there aren't too many quotes from Kevin Smith movies that are suitable here at ToonZone. Just thought I'd warn you.

[TimTwoFace]

OK, let's just watch the Kevin Smith quotes around here. Loves his movies as we do (and I do, too), a lot of that stuff isn't suitable for our PG-friendly boards. *SHRUG* That's how it is, I'm afraid. Siiigh.

-Tim

[James]

Originally posted by Barb Gordon
You're both completely in love with each other, have had fights and gotten past it all to where all that lies between you is, well, lies! Spilling the beans after marriage is just plain mean and is again likely to send a rift between you and your love, ending up divorced and a victim of blackmail somewhere down the road.

~Barb

Bang on Barb. You need to let the people close to you know the danger they could be in, the lifestyle that they face. The point about trust and honesty goes without saying. I think we have so many superhero characters who lie and dodge the issue within the stories with their loved ones that the point gets forgotten. It's now an accepted cliche for the superhero to make up lie and ditch their partners/close friends/family. It's not healthy either.

I agree with Cap'n Infinity's point about the distance a hero should keep from loved ones. This seems unlikely considering human nature so that does leave only honesty. Dishonesty leads to an unhealthy mind!