Problems SUPERMAN would have in the real world...

[Stupendous Man]

Here are some issues that Smallville will likely never address ...
but if Superman lived in the real world here are some
issues hed have to face :


1] Fingerprints : man doesnt wear gloves ..constantly tearing
off car doors etc. Should be a snap to figure out who
Superman is.
Assuming Kryptonians have fingerprints.

2] Blood testing: Hes married . Metropolis must not require
Blood testing for marriages. (needles break on his
invulnerable skin)

3] Random Drug Testing at the Daily Planet: If they ever
asked for a urine sample ..hed be discovered. Plus
I think Kryptonians pee blue - dead give away.

4 ] Hair cuts : Hows he cut his hair ? I know theyve explained
he shaves bouncing his own heat vision off curved metal onto
his face ... but what about his hair? Doubt he could be so
stylish w heat vision.


Anybody have any answers or additional questions?

[Toddman]

Spirit, your two threads have me ROLLIN'!

But since you're asking, yes I have a question. In the movie Superman IV, Lex Luthor wants to steal some of Soperman's DNA. He goes to a science museum or something where a strand of Superman's indestructable hair is being shown supporting a 2 ton weight. He then CUTS the hair with a pair of common household scissors. Wha---?

Toddman

[Stupendous Man]

Thanks Todd ... I was hopin people would get into
'THE SPIRIT' of my posts.

Now to answer your questions ...

TOTALLY DISREGARD THE MOVIES ..lol.

I mean that will just make your hair fall out trying to find common sense in the movies .

1] BATMAN RETURNS : Penguins in gotham sewers?
Imagine Penguins in the New York sewers ..I dont think so.
(Gotham is basically New York city Pre-Gulliani.)

Also penguins with rockets on their backs. enuff said.

2] BATMAN & ROBIN : BATMAN has a FREAKIN American Express
card . With a 5 million dollar spending limit !!!
And they dont even have a billing address for Batman !


So ...lets just try to forget the movies alltogether .

Animated Series and comic books only !

[Toddman]

Originally posted by The Spirit


2] BATMAN & ROBIN : BATMAN has a FREAKIN American Express
card . With a 5 million dollar spending limit !!!
And they dont even have a billing address for Batman !


So ...lets just try to forget the movies alltogether .

Animated Series and comic books only !

Hey you were the one that brought up "Smallville", where they use kryptonite rocks in the steam bath.

And don't forget that on the credit card listed under the name 'Batman' was the exp. date 'Forever.'

Toddman

[DerekPowers]

actually, if i remember right, in the movie luthor's hench man cuts the hair w/ like big plyers or metal cutters or something. you know, looked like those things the janators use to cut your lock off your locker. but i could be wrong, cause its been a long time since ive seen the superman movies, but it seem to remember that.

[Stupendous Man]

Actually they used huge steel gardening sheers.

I dont think superman uses that to cut his hair though....
it would be rather clumsy.

Todd , Im hoping Smallville will read our posts and
borrow our sage advice.

[Kal-el]

The haircut thing has always bothered me too. He must be pretty good with that heat vision. Maybe he has a kryptonite power Flowbee.
This is something that has been discussed and joked about for years, but what about simple human, ah, intimacy. Wouldn't he encounter a few problems with the relatively fragile nature of Lois and her human parts? Could Supes have to pee so bad it would go right though the urinal?
As I mentioned in another thread, the whole issue with his clothes and what he does with them is a big question. Also, does he happen to have a lot of time during the day when he can just take off (literally) from work at the Daily Planet and save people? Two 15 minute breaks and an hour lunch doesn't offer much time to save the world, does it? Does he use sick time or what?
Also, he says he doesn't have to eat, but it's something he's gotten used to. Not sure about that one...

[Maxie Zeus]

You wanna take these problems seriously? Then check out Larry Niven's famous "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex." (Age warning: PG13 at least.)

Bottom-line: Questions like this are best not asked.

[Stupendous Man]

maxie ... Are you suggesting were not taking these issues
seriously ?

By the way .. the answer is Kryptonite condoms..

[Kal-el]

Originally posted by The Spirit

By the way .. the answer is Kryptonite condoms..

...for when your man of steel is just a bit too super.

[Stupendous Man]

LOL ..KAL.
nice.

[Maxie Zeus]

Originally posted by The Spirit
maxie ... Are you suggesting were not taking these issues
seriously ?

By the way .. the answer is Kryptonite condoms..

Ok, then the first question you should ask is: How does Superman eat? If steel shears cannot cut his hair, it is difficult to believe that ordinary food can be absorbed by his digestive system. Wouldn't the super acid in his stomach obliterate anything he eats before it even has a chance to be absorbed? Assuming it did survive, how would it be able to penetrate the super-strong intestinal walls? Could Superman's blood cells pick up and transport nutrients (including oxygen), or being themselves impermeable does that condemn him to quick suffocation or slow starvation, however hard he breathes or however much he eats?

A question like "How does he cut his hair" is pretty trivial compared to that. Which is why you shouldn't let these sorts of questions spoil the fun. An ingenious answer is welcome, but it is hardly necessary.

[Calhoun07]

I am still trying to figure out how you know he pees blue? And if he had to make a urine sample, he could either do it naturally and inevitably break the sample jar, or he could do it like in Gattaca and use somebody else's pee.

And basically the same goes for the other DNA related questions. The only remaining question, who's DNA is he going to use?

[Stupendous Man]

Well Max ..

Interesting points.

However , I think we must assume that Supermans intermal organs work much the same way Humans do.

How do I justify this you may ask?

Well it is true that for most extraterrestial biengs your theories might apply... but if you were right then Superman would
have died in his infancy.

The fact the Superman is alive (relative to the DC Universe)
implies that your theories, however logical, are not true of
Kryptonians.

HA HA !

Whats more I propose to you that Jor-El having planned
and meticulously studied which world to send his only
son, would not have picked a planet on which his son
would not be able to eat or breathe !

HA HA HA !!

So therefore Maxie , good chap ..I suggest that Kryptonian
internal organs work much the same way as human internal
organs ...with the exception of skin and muscle.

Personally ..were I to have my druthers dear chap ... I would
suggest that while more durable than human hair ...krypronian
hair is not invulnerable.

The proper thing to happen for example in situations of
excessive heat or fire would be for them to burn off ...

Supes flys on the surface of the sun ...I want singed eyelashes ..
and bald scalp .

Hey - Itll grow back !


I also remind that its been established that superman needs
oxygen . He cant hold his breath forever.

Also perhaps since the process of eating is basically in humans
a way of gathering and processing energy .. that since
Kryptonians under a yellow sun become biological batteries -

That your theory may actually be correct ... he eats but
his bodie burns through the food before it can even be digested.
However since his energy comes from processing solar energy
its not relevant.

He therefore doesnt eat for energy ...just for enjoyment !

HA HA HA !

What do you think of that MAX?


( I AM A GENIUS !! )

[Kal-el]

A possible answer may be this: Supes does have super insides and normal food would normally not have a chance. It could be possible that the ability of his insides to fight is similar to that of his outsides...lots of strength but vulnerable to skilled fighters. maybe the nutrients win out in the end somehow.
Now that I reread that, it's kinda dumb. Hmmm.
Maybe he has super control of his digestive system and can disgest what he wants to, or how he wants to.

[Stupendous Man]

I wasnt suggesting he couldnt contain the pee ...
lol .. I was suggesting that once analyzed alien
urine is different in composition than human pee.

Also who would he borrow pee from ..Jimmy Olsen
That might be awkward and hard to explain.

Plus CAl , my friend , I dont know what medical
clinics you go to ... but Ive never gone to a lab
where they let you bring your own blood.

Usually they like to draw the blood themselves.

* * *

No ones addressing the fingerprints question.
That ones a stumper , I admit .

[Stupendous Man]

Super Control of his digestive system ...

People lets try to keep this discussion reasonable !! : )

Besides Kal, he would have probably starved before he
mastered the process.

I think its quite obvious to me , that I am absolutely
correct. : )

[Kal-el]

Not sure what the deal is with the finger prints. In the real world, it seems a crime scene would be dusted for prints. If there was an object that Superman clearly touched, his prints would be matched with Clark's and the secret would be out, right? They'd question Clark and think "there's no way he's Superman. He's like 6'3" or 6'4", well built, dark hair, blue eyes...but wait! Superman doesn't wear glasses. Obviously Clark Kent is not Superman." They would attribute it to some flaw in their fingerprinting system and call it a day.
Of course, maybe he doesn't have fingerprints. I guess he would have burned them down when he was younger in some crazy heat vision accident. Maybe Kryptonians don't have fingerprints anyway.

[Calhoun07]

Originally posted by The Spirit
I wasnt suggesting he couldnt contain the pee ...
lol .. I was suggesting that once analyzed alien
urine is different in composition than human pee.

Also who would he borrow pee from ..Jimmy Olsen
That might be awkward and hard to explain.

Plus CAl , my friend , I dont know what medical
clinics you go to ... but Ive never gone to a lab
where they let you bring your own blood.

Usually they like to draw the blood themselves.

* * *

No ones addressing the fingerprints question.
That ones a stumper , I admit .

I guess you never seen Gattaca, I take it.

[Stupendous Man]

Actually bits and pieces ..
I guess they did get around the samples didnt
they ?


OK Cal.

I accept your resolution to this issue.


If ever prompted for Urine or Blood Samples
Clark would use Gattica type techniques.

Also he can rely on Oracle & Bats for tips on
subterfuge.

Good work Cal.

***

This discussion thread is making real progress...

Weve solved the spidey - boots controversy,
the genetic samples dilema and
how Kryptonians eat & breathe.

Im very proud of this entire forum !

***

No resolution yet on how Bruce got the giant penny
in the Batcave though. . .